what-the-hayl

[what-the-hayl]

Dear Alcohol,

It’s been 638 days without you.

I’m better now.

Much,

Much better.

I feel healthy, I feel peaceful, I feel safe, and I feel powerful.

[what-the-hayl]

[what-the-hayl]

Happy Weekend from 〽️⛈️☀️

507 days, no Budweiser, BUT man have I been craving it.

The weather is getting warmer & I think this time of year will always be a struggle for me cause I miss shotgunnin’ one in the middle of the afternoon with some good country tunes blarin’, & some dope souls to cheers with OR a night out while the sun goes down taking some tequila shots, listening to a band play. I miss the “moderation control” in my early years of drinking for literal social purposes.

Luckily for me now, I can still go to such places and still be able to remember what shit taste like and I just have to constantly remember how sick i used to get after consuming, but more importantly how peaceful my mental is now. I’ve grown so much, matured a lot, and like to think I see life in a brighter eye on this journey. I’m constantly reminding myself on a regular basis that I don’t need alcohol to have a personality.

I started some different counseling this week, & she asked me what my strengths & weaknesses are. She started with my strengths and I was able to list off plenty, I used to have to think long and hard about what to say good about me. I hated myself back then, nothing was good of me. Then she asked me what my weaknesses were ( this list mentally was always long, but I’d only say the ones out loud that won’t make ya look bad at your new potential employer during a interview ) I gave her a couple - I don’t look at my weaknesses as weaknesses tho, I’m still in training in those areas.. I’m a puzzle, in pieces.. weaknesses are what guide us, anyways it’s just cool to acknowledge and realize my “triggers” / “ticks” / the parts about me that need improvement. I remember my denial days, so for me to notice them now & actively work on them is sweet.

Growth.

Sobriety is reeeeeally cool.

Couple weeks ago, my body went thru something, a physical, HIGH intense, intense emotional stress.. a whirlwind of emotions anger… overwhelmed.. I was unheard…..during this time was a reminder why I would pick up my keys and head out to the bar. During this “episode” I was able to reflect back to my troubled days & realized that back then alcohol & cocaine were the answers to those feelings —-

—- they’re not.

I read a LOT now a days. I’ve gained the knowledge of inner channeling our energy. Naturally we feel our feels and wanna act on them, we can but I’ve been navigating healthier outlets to get those emotions out. ( if you recommend any boxing classes let me KNOW ) 🙃

You know how everyone always says “keep going” / “don’t give up” / “your time will come” it’s so crazy cause it’s true. You just have to believe and fu%kin roll with it, for real. Cause even a couple months ago, I was working on some things and having those doubts but NOW I’m naturally doing those changes. You are what you think.

Sobriety is reeeeeeally neat.

Tell me about your journey? ( it doesn’t have to be a sober one 😌 ) What’s a huge accomplish / project you’re working on for yourself? Are your thoughts helping you or hurting you?

oh .. hey..

I’m proud of you! 🖤

[what-the-hayl]

I think about this shit, regularly. Just feel like I’m still stuck. Not entirely sure my “motive” yet. 😂

Grandma & I started a book recently, it’s been fun to hear about her childhood and the ways of life back when she was my age. So. Stay tuned 🖤

Day 478, no poison.

[what-the-hayl]

Day 435, no alcohol.

I was laying in my room yesterday starring at my book shelf & just thinking “wow, I really don’t be thinking about drinking alcohol much.. like at all anymore” then I just kept thinking “like holy shit I don’t drink anymore; I’m actually living a life alcohol free, & these days just keep adding up”

At the beginning of my sobriety I couldn’t imagine not EVER having a drink again, like I set myself a goal then would be able to have a drink again after that in moderation & special occasions type of thing.

No one talks about the cool unique way of growth you encounter when you finally start pouring your energy into yourself. Alcohol defined me, what the hell kinda life was I going to live without it? What about all the people that you had as “friends” where would they go? The absence of so much all at once.. how can I ?

If I could explain what giving up alcohol does to your life, your body, & your soul. ✨🤍

I would tell you this;

There’s a whole new welcome of love & presence of peace constantly surrounded. A whole new world of learning, of feeling free, & feeling alive. Truly. Alive. I’ve discovered on my path a lot of mental struggles I have, and it’s actually really cool, how unique our brains work, how powerful yet very fragile they are. How amazing it feels to be YOU, your own unique soul. How you start radiating your OWN light, attracting the right company. People who also want growth for you, who talk about ideas & projects not people, the deep conversations you’re safe to talk about with, the ones that “just get it”, the ones that are just as excited for you as you are for yourself if you were a lotto winner, or finally got the dream job you’ve been busting your ass for, the ones that matter. Something I could explain as my own canvas of heaven.

I continue to learn, listen, & practice new things often. I have found & continue to also find other hobbies to fill in my time. I’ve reconnected within my younger self, she was so quiet, kind, & full of love.

I now live a life of happiness. A reflection of little me. I show love often, I’m kind again, && I’m so so grateful for all the simple things in life most of us take for granted.

I’m proud of you;

Be Kind, & just Love ✨🖤🫶🏽

[what-the-hayl]

Hi Guys!

A lot of transitioning going on lately, transitioning into a new schedule of 2nd shift 🥴 I’m enjoying it though! Which counts!

Happy V Day, I know for me this day will always just be anotha day! I hope y’all are treated well, and have genuine intentions as you always should! Enjoy this day for those that count this one on the calendar.

Spoiled asf with all this sunshine, loving it! Makes me feel so good, keeps me hella productive & im just happy. I’m currently just in the driveway sitting in my truck cause it’s a bit chilly to be sitting outside on the porch with the wind. I’m cozy in my truck, so it just works.

I hope everyone is staying busy and staying healthy!

Keep shinin yall ✨🖤

[what-the-hayl]

Goodness Gracious!

Happy Saturday fuckers!

I went to the book store last night with my mom, we spent some time and money there, lol. I bought six different books, all different reads. I'm trying to start one and i cant stay focused on it cause my mind is wondering with all kinds of ideas. I have been on cloud 9 this week, it's so weird. Like, i got hit with a blessing of good good energy recently. Maybe i have i have been seeing 11:11 OFTEN! Yes i make a wish or talk to my passed loved ones. I always talk to the universe usually when im driving. Life is intresting...

Anyways back to topic, you know how they always say "just start" keep going just dont stop kinda thing, yah well thats been my motto heavy these last few weeks. I dont know what im doing or what my end goal is, but i have been maintaining and doing things i want for example im working on projects to get up on that store, i started up a OF again, but not like the OF everyone is quick to assume it is, mine this time is going to be a fun, spicy fan base kinda page. I just took another opportunity for main income, im stoked to start that!! AHHH!! I feel the good coming, this year is going to be a good one..i feel it!

As im trying to read this book though, im reflecting on conversations ive been having with a old girlfriend, we have just recently have reconnected since we both are on this sober ride. I want to start up a sober bar, thats located on the water and themed beachy!

Have my blog flowing, my websites poppin, and a sober bar on the water!

I can do this!

i had to write this out cause im so excited and overwhelmed with ideas that i have to journal about them quick.

Have the best weekend, lovers <3

[what-the-hayl]

New Hobbies

Its been just over a year since i gave up alcohol, and now i spend my time doing other hobbies to fill in the time that i used to spend drinking. I like to think alot of people come to me and ask what i do now that i dont drink.

When i first started not drinking it was challenging to find new things to do, and not that it was challenging cause there is literally so much shit to do other than drink alcohol. Wow!

When i was a little girl, i was outside all the time, i colored, i painted, i did all the arts n crafts--i would even bring things outside lay out a sheet to lay on in the grass and carry on with my little activities.

My sobriety has brought me back to reconnecting with my childhood, i tell anyone i talk to about this topic to do just that. What did you enjoy doing growing up, do you still enjoy those things? I read alot, i used to hate reading. I write alot, thats never gone away i dont think and i hope someday im doing something in the writing / blogging industry. Id love to be able to share my story and help others along the way.

I watch alot of documentaries, just to learn all kinds of things that spark my interest. I love learning about how our brains work, mentality of things and how they really do affect us, nature, how the world spins, what other species might exist with us.. navigating how my behavior is and habits have been formed and being able to see said behaviors and things within family members is like a light bulb sometimes like YES THIS IS WHY I ACT LIKE THIS, or this is what infuenced me to act such a way, right?

I do alot selfcare work, reads, workbooks, articles, influencers pages and their challenges to help navigate my own. I walk a lot, ive noticed walking outside in fresh hair is alot more rewarding for me than walking on a treadmill in the house or at the gym. Like i said above i read and i journal often.

I think i have decided what i am going to call my Etsy store, " Beach Please" and im going to make beach themed crafts like i used to love to do when i was younger. I'm actually excited (:

[what-the-hayl]

Craving Friends.

Today, not even just today lately, ive been in a funk. I have no idea why.. i know this past week the house was down for the count with the flu. That was not fun, along side if THREE snow days, holy cow you never notice how good structure and routine can do for a child until its off the rocker for a couple days.

Anyways, everyone is getting back to normal and healthy again! I have been pounding on all these different ideas i can do, i have so many and no idea where to begin with any of them, how the fuck is that. I'm gonna fucking getting there, damn it! I think i mentioned in my other post that i was gonna start up a Etsy store within the next two weeks. I'm staying focused on projects ill be posting on that coming up. Stay tuned.

I guess i got a little side tracked, lol basically all i do now a days is stay home constantly sourrounded by my parents and little man. Sure i get out and see co workers or my bestie or whatever but i miss going out with the other friends and getting into some mischief, and not even that anymore but just being with those people the energies, the spontaneousness, the loud noises from all us shouting stupid shit at each other all night.

I miss being out and meeting people as the night went on, talking to strangers about quick little previews of your life--connecting with new faces. I use Tiktok to go live and do these things, but im more of a person that like wants to know you in real life too. How do you act with real people in the real world? Going live is fun.. comes with alot of kind people, people that arent happy with themselves and make some nasty comments, people begging for friends, etc

Its a weird world we live in, as a kid i never imagined life like it is, but how the hell are we supposed to know or imagine it,lol. A bunch of broken people thrown into a pool to get along, make money and compare...compare...compare.

I think i am going to just start to like journal on here, if youre a follow. Thank you for your support. I hope to be a writer of some sort someday!

I am proud of you.

[what-the-hayl]

Another Update

Hi Guys,

Ive been slacking so much lately, really focusing on my mental and being mom though. Which counts for something!

395 days no alcohol, ive been around it a few times and didnt feel the need to drink anything which was cool, i had my redbull. I was out on NYE downtown like i always used to do, but this year i went out after a year of isolation basically.. went to this techno thing with my friends that ive probs been in the most trouble with. A couple of us are on this sober ride which is cool, my one friend has been sober for awile now after he got into some trouble again but he said he will have a couple beers here and there. To each their own path, <3 I found a N/A beer i was never a dark beer, sour beer drinker. But, this N/A drink was a mango drangonfruit sour it was good. I had too many so safe to say i would of picked up right where i left off had i allowed myself to drink again... damn.

Sober life is treating me well though, im staying focused and have found and still contiune to find new or pick up old hobbies now a days. Working on disciplinary actions for myself with simple things as getting my reading, writing, walks and meds down everyday. Im still slacking every once in a couple weeks. I am doing alot better now a days though then i was when i began this journey.

I have recently dug up my art box, ive always been artistic i would like to think, im good at drawing if i got back into it. I love writing ive always thought about writing songs and having someone sing them, haha. But, now i plan to get my Etsy store open in the next two weeks, im going to start making crafts.. it'll be a mess at the beginning but i know i can succeed at a store like this!

Follow more and help support me(:

Im proud of you for all the hard work you are putting into a better life for yourself, never give up on you.

[what-the-hayl]

[what-the-hayl]

Aye you know what’s kinda cool..

Shotgunning a redbull instead 🙃 ( save it keyboard warriors )

Relearning yourself.

Regaining focus on your absolute favorite things✨

Loving yourself.

ALL THE SELF CARE ‼️

Enjoying the now 🔆

It’s the little things.

Gaining the control of your own energy, that NO one can interrupt.

Listen quit worrying what everyone else thinks, be fucking weird, be yourself, connect & share YOU, you never know who’s cheering you on & who you’re inspiring ✨🖤

I’m proud of you motherfuckers!

Keep kicking ass!

Drink your water.

Be better;

cause you DO matter 🖤🫶🏽

Sincerely,

Alcohol doesn’t control me anymore.

[what-the-hayl]

I don’t know, working on yourself is pretty fucking neat.

Imagine everyone did, the world would be a better place.

What’s a toxic habit you’re trying to get rid of?

[what-the-hayl]

327 days, no alcohol.

I set myself a goal, almost a year ago already. My goal was to make it to the 10th THIS month cause it’s my 30th 😳 at this date if I had made it the whole time span with no alcohol I would treat myself for achieving the goal and allow myself to say yes to meeting up with friends for dinner and allowing myself a drink or 3 after the date.

During all these days, I’ve learned to appreciate all the other things everyone over looks regularly. I spend my time soaking up sun rays, I read, I write ALL the time, I walk, etc. We as a society are so materialistic obsessed, & really seem to overlook the “basics” I’ve been reconnecting within my childhood hobbies & really learning to build those things back into my lifestyle. When I go outside just to be under the sun, I’m so appreciative of the warmth, the light & just the peace it brings me. The worlds noisy, I like my quietness 🙂

I don’t miss alcohol, I don’t miss how sick it made me, oh good lord I don’t. I don’t miss how much of a fool it made me look, I go back thru memories every so often as a reflection && goodness gracious, messy! I don’t miss the mindset alcohol presented as a lifestyle. I don’t miss all the fake energies & vibes I consumed my time with. I don’t miss all the hangover days, the ones where you weren’t like puking or whatever but literally had no energy for the day. I don’t miss alcohol making me feel like myself wasn’t enough. I don’t miss alcohol consuming the absence of being a mom. I don’t miss the toxic relationship I genuinely had with it. A dark place.

This is my first fall, cold season without alcohol, ya know when depression reeeeally sets in.. I always had alcohols company & warmth thru these months. I’m here, staying productive, being the best mom I can, working on breaking generational behaviors for myself & little man. Working regularly again. I’ve never felt healthier.

break up with alcohol & tell me how it makes you feel? 🙂

We have been SPOILED with sunshine this weekend! ☀️

Reminders for the week, 🙂

Deep Breaths as often as you need. Oxygen is key.

Drink your fucking water, I know I know. DO IT.

Bring your ass outside, go for a walk, stand there, embrace the beauty of the outdoors.

& if nothing else

Be Kind 🌻

I’m proud of you.

[what-the-hayl]

HEY GUYS! I’m alive, I’m here, pondering… I wanna get blogging back into my day to day schedule! Have so much to talk about but lost where to start! I was live on tiktok one afternoon & someone had asked when I was gonna post again, shiiiit. I’m back!

Friday reminder,

You’re beautiful, you matter, & you deserve to be happy. Take care of yourselves & be kind 🖤

[what-the-hayl]

It's been a minute.

I started a new job, and i love it. I feel like when i spent months and months searching for a job it was always in the back of my head that this headache would go away with a great opportunity, i just have to be patient. I work with all guys of all ages, no drama!!! The job is SO physical which i also love, keep my self moving everyday again.

I am sitting at 144 days no alcohol, thats cool. I told myself i could have a drink today if i wanted, i went to lunch with my best friend so i told her i was gonna have a drink and it would be our secret. I had a pep talk while getting ready today. If i wanted to get drunk today i could, if i wanted to have a drink or 3 --i could. I'm really practicing not letting the opinion of my family get to me anymore, and to stand for myself. Always.

But, anyways we went to lunch, i had already forgot i had toold myself that i was allowing myself a drink today, lol. Lately, ive been going out and sometimes ill get a non-alcoholic beer, and so far i dont miss it, the carbonation or something... i was looking at the drink menu and said maybe ill just go balls to the wall and get a rum n coke.. lol. My goal today was to taste liquor and see what kinda reaction or taste i get from it. After looking at the menu for a min--i decided im not gonna get a drink cause i have set myself this goal and i want to achive it, i feel ONE cheat drink wouldnt count anyways.. i said "im not getting a drink today, nothing is screaming at me to have, if im gonna have a cheat drink i want it to be something different, new and something damn good.

I'm proud of myself, its so crazy what such little time with a disciplined mind can achieve. I've come so far, and im so excited to see what successes i gain by the end of the year.

I'm currently down 43lbs as well, im excited but i already knew i could do this weight loss thing again. I'm not turning back around this time though, so this go around is gonna be one for the books.

Relationships with my parents is growing stronger, by the day. Which is neat, dad came out and smoked with me one night. I felt a big wave of energy shift away from me, like something reminding me its okay, and everything is going to be okay.

We are working on getting my custody back with little man, i thought id never see the day, but id be damned to be "one of those moms" im waaaay better than that.

Ive been gaining relationships and conversations with my co-workers at work. My boss is a real dope dude, but he has gotten in to opening up and talkiing about hiss past addiction problems and how hes over come and hes doing well in life now, and thats really cool. Motivating.

Life's what you make it, so make it great!

If no ones told you today,

im proud of you.

[what-the-hayl]