whatamadlife-blog1

[whatamadlife-blog1]

Its been a crazy year

So here I am 5:11a.m smoking a jay, my usual. My bro’s came back from Uni for Crimbo, doesn’t seem like all them years ago I was sitting writing a blog on Kwig, stoned talking about all my feelings, when my life started going upside down.

25 Now, shocking to say the least, what have I done with my life? To me it feels like it’s been near constant torment. The past 6 years have been where my ‘life purpose’ began i’d say, I remember I always got the number 69 on my phone, and i’d screen shot it so many times because I thought it was funny, every time I looked at my phone it was on 69% battery.

So as I was saying 25 and I feel like I haven’t done much with my life, yeah sure I done courses and a new one that actually got me something I could use in the real world but i’ve changed my mind on what I wanted to do, orignally it was gonna be to work with older people, and I still love that idea but now my mind is going towards working with people with addictions, I suffer from it, I don’t know how to get out of it yet but i’m hoping I will one day, I hope theres a purpose for everything in this life and im not just going through shit for the sake of it.

The world I live in can be really intense, my feelings and thoughts are at a high rate every day, my reality can be strange. I have experienced things over the past few weeks that have taught me, made me laugh, made me realise things, obviously I can’t put them all here, but it’s been exciting as well. I’l wanna come back to this blog and hopefully not delete it like I did my last one and im major regretting now lol or I deleted all the posts which was stupid, i’l give it another go anyway and see how I get on.

Feel like I wanna stop writing feel like I dont lol indecision at it’s best, thats also something I suffer from ALOT in life lol it seems theres always two points in my body or mind pulling in different directions, figuring them out and whats right is the hard thing.

Btw i’m with John, 36, new person came into my life abouttt 5 months ago, me and the other John who I was with for two and a half years saw each other for the first time around a week ago, strange incident, I thought for the last 10 months now! That I was never really over him, I didn’t get closure, it all happened so fast and unexpectedly (for me) when it happened though a funny thing happened, I realised how incompatible me and him actually were, I realised the feelings I thought I had weren’t there anymore, so it changed my perspective. 

I’ve been learning alot recently and when I look back a year ago (me and my brother were talking about this) I can see that fuck I actually have came on a bit with the shit i’ve learned, and I think im starting to find myself again?

[whatamadlife-blog1]

Everyone thinks im fucking crazy