whatifitis

[whatifitis]

Update: it’s 4 am and I’ve completed my bachelors degree 🙂‍↕️

I have a (probably angst) fic idea I wanna write but I have 2 final exams and 1 final project to do so I WILL NOT be sleeping until those are done 😁

[whatifitis]

I have a (probably angst) fic idea I wanna write but I have 2 final exams and 1 final project to do so I WILL NOT be sleeping until those are done 😁

[whatifitis]

not me hikey feel jelly of reader and lando relaship in "you happened". not neighbor but i used to know a boy since ele and we went to school, had breakfasts, hung out together. even as a child i could tell that his family had a real strict education standards so there were lots of times we couldnt play because he had to sturdy alot at home. we naturally separated b4 midschool cuz of adults' decisions and lost contact since then. if try,think ill can but somehow i think its better this way.-🍉

Honestly, same 😭 sometimes I get insanely jealous of the characters in my fics that I end up just looking at my blog like 😐 also thank you for reading! It’s nice to know I’m not telling a story to a void sometimes.

I’m sorry to here that you and your friend had to separate. It honestly sucks when that happens whether it’s cause of decisions you’ve made yourselves or if it’s simple drifting apart (or adult decisions). Though I don’t see the harm in checking up on him, I’d understand your decision not to. It’s often difficult to determine whether it’s something worth while. Trust your gut.

[whatifitis]

♡ for the better - OP 81 ♡

Summary: for the first time in your life, you were happy. you were loved. and now the person who loves you, may grow to resent you.

WC: 3318

CW: fluff, angst, spiraling a bit, not proofread

It started off as just being friends. A group of you were brought together by an interest you all had in common. But you two had managed to grow a special connection over the course of a month. It started as just a silent adventure between the two of you. Taking a walk together in the park, not talking, just enjoying the comfortable silence. Each walk in the park, he began to grow more comfortable and confident around you. He started picking flowers each walk, to tuck into your hair. He started to ask you more questions, to get to know you. 

One day, he stopped to look at you and said “Do you wanna go out?” with a shy smile.

You smiled brightly at him “Yeah, I'd love to.”

Your first date was something you’d never experienced. No one had ever put so much effort into you. He had set up a little picnic at the park you two frequented. There was a light green (your favorite color), checkered blanket on the ground. A top the blanket sat a picnic basket, packed with your favorite snacks, 2 painting canvases, paint brushes and some paints. To say you were overwhelmed would be an understatement. His simple actions meant so much to you. You never thought someone would be able to care for you as he did. 

He knelt down onto the blanket and reached out a hand, inviting you to sit by him. You took his hand and sat across from him. 

“This is so incredibly sweet. You didn’t have to go all out, I mean, it’s just me. It’s not like the Queen is coming… right?” you’d asked with a giggle.

He gave you a toothy grin and said “No, no, the Queen isn't coming. This is all for you. I tried to think of the best thing to do for a first date with you. You’re so amazing, I didn’t want to disappoint.”

“You could never disappoint me.” 

With that, you two began to eat the contents of the picnic basket. Both of you laughed and smiled, talking about the craziest things. One question that got you two riled up a bit was whether sprinkles were a seasoning. Who would’ve thought two people could debate for so long on the subject. But you had fun. 

Once the two of you had finished eating, you and Oscar began to paint each other. As you guys painted, loving glances were exchanged between you two. 

When you two had both finished painting, you took turns showing each other your works. 

“Alright,” Oscar started “Countdown from 3 and I’ll show you the masterpiece that I’ve just created, alright?”

“Alright, ready? 3, 2, ,1….” 

You burst out laughing at the sight of what you’ve been shown.

Oscar furrows his brows but can’t hide his smile “What? What’s so funny? It’s good!” he insists.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” you try to say through your laughing fit “but that’s so bad. I mean, what happened to my eyes? They look wonky, they’re 2 completely different sizes.”

“Well excuse me, Misses I have an art degree so I can tell people their blood, sweat and tears result in absolute shit.” he laughs with you.

“Come on, let’s see your supposed “masterpiece” now.” Oscar said.

You turn your canvas around and smile brightly at him. 

He’s stunned. He’s speechless. He’s ashamed of his painting of you. 

“Love, I- HOLY SHIT! This is amazing, baby! Oh my god we have to hang it up somewhere. My house, your house, a museum, the Met, THE LOUVRE.”

You’re laughing again, wiping the tears from your face. 

“It’s just a painting Oscar, it’s alright, no need to hang it anywhere. Especially not a museum darling.”

“Wrong. I’m keeping this and hanging it up at home.”

“Whatever you want, my love” you said, smiling fondly at him.

-=+=- 

One day, you and Oscar are chilling in the park. Oscar laying back on his arms while you lay your head across his stomach. The two of you sit, making idle conversation with each other for a few hours. 

“Y/n?” Oscar says, looking down at you. 

“Oscar?”

“I don’t want to lose you. I hope this never ends. I don’t know what I would do without you.” 

You sit up to look him in the eyes properly.

“What’s going on? Why are you saying this?”

“I’m just in my feelings. But I’m serious, I love you Y/n. I love this feeling I get when I’m with you. I don’t know the word for it, or if there even is a word for it. But I know I always want to feel this way. You mean more to me than life, darling.” 

Your nose feels fuzzy, tears are forming in your eyes. You grab his hand and squeeze it three times. 

You give him a smile, “I love you, Oscar. You don’t know what you mean to me. Everything you’ve done for me, it means so fucking much. If I ever lose you, I don’t think I’d be able to live. Thank you, my love.” 

You two share a kiss. It’s soft and gentle, but at the same time, it feels urgent. You feel like you can’t stop, like you can’t let go, cause if you do, it’ll slip away. But you don’t, and you won’t. You’ll hold onto each other until your last dying breaths. Possibly even past death, you’ll have each other. 

-=+=-

“Has anyone seen Oscar?” You ask for what feels like the millionth time. 

Oscar has been missing for half an hour and no one can find him. He’s meant to be on the track in 15 minutes but he’s not answering his phone. 

You’ve been running around the paddock like a maniac, calling out his name. You don't have long til all the drivers are meant to be out on the paddock for the national anthem. 

You’re sprinting down the halls when something catches her eye. You stop and look to see a figure pacing back and forth in a dark corner. You know exactly who it is. 

You begin walking towards Oscar and stop 4 feet away from him. He’s too in his head to notice anyone is near him, so he keeps pacing with his head down. You walk to him, and grab both his hands in yours. You press your intertwined hands into his chest to try and ground him. 

Oscar is startled at first but once he sees it’s you, his face falls and he lets go of the tears he’s been holding. 

You immediately pull him into your arms, wrapping them around his neck and scratching the back of his neck softly. His arms wrap around your face and he nuzzles his face into your neck. You let him cry it out for a minute before speaking.

“Darling, what’s wrong?”

He sniffles as he says “Panic attack I think.”

“Do you know what brought this on?”

“I think I’m just tired. We’ve been working for so long, going from place to place every week. I just don’t think I’m performing as well as I should be. I’m not as put together and the fans have noticed. I hate letting them down and I just don’t know how to fix everything.”

“Baby,” you say as you grab the side of his face gently, wiping away some of his tears “The fans understand. You said it yourself, you guys have been put through the ringer as of late, especially with all the crazy regulations the FIA created. They know this and understand if you’re not as aggressive and calm as usual. You need to stop putting yourself down like this, love. Things happen, so we just have to manage.” 

“I know, but it’s hard. A lot of them travel from so far away just to see these races. They’re buying tickets, booking hotels and flights, just to watch us be the best. All for me to go up there and be a disappointment.”

“Hey, no. You’re not a disappointment, Oscar. You’re anything but that. You’re stubborn, stupid at times, and mental. But you’re not a disappointment. And I love you because of all that, okay?”

“Okay” he says, giving you a shy smile. 

“Alright, let’s get you cleaned up and on the track for everyone to see your talents.” 

“Thank you, baby, for everything. I don’t deserve you.” 

“No need to thank me baby. If anyone is undeserving of the other, it’s me. I don’t know what I did to be able to have you in my life.”

With a quick kiss, you two set off to the Mclaren garage to help Oscar freshen up for the race. 

-=+=-

“Darling I told you, I can’t go. I’ve gotta meet Mark and some other guys. We have so much to do before we even think about renewing the contract. I don’t have time for this.” Oscar said whilst putting his shoes on.

“I asked you weeks ago if you could come. And you’d said yes. We’ve had this planned for ages. You can’t just dump our plans.”

“I can if it’s for work. This is something that I can’t ignore. This is my job. The thing I’ve been working towards my whole life. I have to get this stuff done.”

“You’ve been away from home every night for the past month. And you’re telling me you can’t just take one night off? Is that much more important than one night with your girlfriend?”

At this, Oscar stops and his face drops. He didn’t realize how you might have felt, that you’d felt like you came second. He realizes his neglect towards you and your feelings. He walks to you and holds your hands in his. 

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I’ve been treating you like shit, not taking into account how you feel. I’ll do better, I promise. I’ll call Mark and cancel.” 

“No, Oscar. It’s okay. Go to the meeting.” you say softly. 

“No, no. we’re gonna do what we planned.” he says, pulling his phone from his pocket while simultaneously taking his shoes off. 

“Baby, you don’t have to. I was just a little upset. I’m okay now, you can go.”

“No, go get ready. I’ll call Mark, then we can go out like we planned.” he smiles at you, trying to make you feel better. 

“Are you sure? I’m fine with postponing. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal, you were hurt. We’re going, end of discussion.” he said as he kissed your head. 

That night, the two of you went out as you’d planned. You went and had lunch at a new restaurant you had been raving about to Oscar. He was happy to take you and was pleasantly surprised when the food turned out to be the best he’s ever had (of course not as good as your cooking). 

After lunch, the two of you took a walk in the park. You and Oscar walked hand in hand for ages. Enjoying the quiet breeze and the warming sun. During your walk, you two had discussed the origin of the argument that took place earlier and worked your way through it. With some compromising, you two felt better about the result of said argument. 

After your afternoon walk, you and Oscar headed home where he showed you exactly how sorry he was. And he didn’t use just his words. 

-=+=-

He’d been planning this for ages. Tonight was the night he’d ask to be yours forever. He’s been in love with you for ages. He can’t think of a better time to do this. 

“Baby? You ready to go?” Oscar asked you from the front door. 

“One second darling. I can’t get this shoe on.” 

“Do you need help?”

“No baby, I got it.” you said as you walked up to him. He’s never seen something so beautiful. You’re standing there in your favorite dress, some pieces of jewelry and a simple pair of heels. 

Oscar holds his hand out to you, and you immediately grab it, kissing him before walking out the door with him right behind you. 

-=+=- 

The two of you enjoy a nice dinner at a restaurant you and Oscar frequented. It was so nice to get out of the house and spend some time with Oscar. You’ve missed him a lot since he’s been away for work, but it’s what he loves to do. And you love seeing him happy. 

After dinner, the two of you take a walk in your favorite park. Walking, hand in hand, you ask Oscar “What do you think the meaning of life is?”

“42” he says laughing to himself.

“I’m being serious,” you laugh with him “what do you think it is?”

“I think it’s whatever you want it to be. It can be to find the end of space. It can be to find out where the megalodon went. It can be about finding the love of your life, your soulmate…. speaking of which.”

He stops where he is, moving to stand face to face with you and grabbing both your hands in his. 

oh shit

“Y/n, I have loved you for a long, long time. I’m not gonna lie and say it was love at first sight cause, ya know, that’s kind of crazy. But I will tell you that the second I laid my eyes on you, I was enchanted by you. And I was really hoping you weren’t in love with someone else, hoping you didn’t have someone waiting on you. Since the day we met, there was never a day where I didn’t think about you. I love you Y/n, so fucking much.”

He gets down on one knee while pulling a box from his pants pocket. He holds the box in both hands, presenting it to you and opening it. Inside was the most beautiful ring you had ever seen. He knew you weren’t a fan of traditional engagement rings that had a huge stone on the top. He knew you loved the rings that looked as if they were created in a magical land, far far away, crafted by the most powerful jewelers of the land. 

“Y/n L/n, will you do me the honor of allowing me to be your husband?”

You stood there motionless with your hands covering your mouth that had been hanging open since he began his speech. Tears were streaming down your face. You couldn’t believe it. He actually want to marry you? He loves you that much? How did you get so lucky to find your person?

“Are you sure? Like really sure?” you’d said.

“Yes I’m really sure darling. You are the love of my life. I want to spend forever with you.” 

Tears are streaming down his face too. The anticipation is killing him. 

“Yes. Yes, I want to marry you too.” you finally say.

“Oh my god! I love you so much darling, thank you so much.” he said as he began to stand up. 

Once he was standing straight up, he pulled the ring out of the box and put it in your ring finger. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around your hips and pulled you impossibly closer. Neither of you stopped or let go for ages. You guys were it for each other. There would never be anyone else. 

-=+=-

it’s for the better 

i know it’s for the better

it’s for the better

You were pacing the living room that you shared with Oscar. Your bags were already packed and in the car. 

You couldn’t let Oscar go through with this. You couldn’t let him do this to himself. He deserves to marry someone better. Better than you. You love him so much, but you weren’t enough for him. You didn’t want to bring Oscar down with you.

You continued pacing the living room, waiting for him to come back home. You feel so sick like you could throw up. Your heart is racing and your hands are shaking. You didn’t want to let him go, but it would be selfish to hold onto him, when he could do a lot better than you. 

The sound of the front door caught your attention. Oscar was home. You stood there in the middle of the living room, fighting your hands.

“Darling, I’m home.” he’d called out from the front entrance.

He walked into the living room to see you standing there, pain and sadness written all over your face. 

“Hey darling, what’s wrong? Is everything okay?” he said as he walked to you. 

“We need to talk.”

“Alright, what’s going on?”

You took a moment, trying to find the strength to say it. 

“We- need to break up.”

“What? Why? Did something happen?”

“No, I just think it will be best for the both of us.” 

“You’re confusing me darling, what do you mean “better for the both of us?”’

“I mean, you deserve something better. Someone better. I can’t be that for you. I can’t give you everything you deserve. I love you too much to hold you back. So I’m letting you go. I’ve already got everything packed, I’ll be going.”

“What? No. No, we’re not breaking up. Y/n, I love you. I don’t want to lose you. You’re it for me. I don’t want anyone else. You’re what’s best for me. You’re what I want. You give me everything I could ever need or want. There’s no one I’d rather be with.”

A tear slips loose and runs down your cheek. 

“I’m sorry, Oscar. But I have to let you go. You’ll be miserable if you stay with me. I need you to be happy, even if it’s without me. I’ll always be there to support you for everything. I just can’t be the one right next to you, with you. I won’t let you do this to yourself. Goodbye, Oscar.”

You begin to walk out the door as Oscar starts to plead, asking you to stay. 

“Y/n, please don’t go. If you need some space and time to think then I’ll give that to you. You can stay here and I’ll stay with Lando or something. We can get through this, darling.”

You kept walking out the door, towards your car. Oscar was running after you. As you began to get into the car, Oscar ran up to the window to try and convince you to stop.

“Baby, please talk to me.”

He’s crying now. Tears upon tears were streaming down his face. He was begging you.

“Baby, please. If it was something that I said or did then I’ll fix it. I promise, I’ll fix everything. Just please don’t go. I need you.”

“Oscar, please let go.” you say weakly. “You have to let me go.”

“No. I won’t. I don’t want to live without you. I can’t live without you. Please don’t go.”

“I’m sorry”

And with that, you put the car in drive and made your way out of the driveway of your once shared home. You didn’t have the strength to look in the rear view mirror. You didn’t have the strength to see him. 

-=+=-

Once you got to the hotel room you had booked for the week, you dropped your bags and just started sobbing. You can’t believe you let him go. You already regret it but he does deserve better. So much better than you. He’ll find someone. You know it. 

You can wish all you want, but it won’t bring you two together. 

All you can do is repeat the same things over and over, trying to convince yourself that…

it’s for the better

it’s for the better

it’s for the

for the better

i know it’s for the better

know for it’s the better

for the better

the better.

[whatifitis]

yes the last ask was mine and pls dont be sorry because that was the kind of response that i was looking for. as whenever i feel the feels in any fics that enable it in me, i always wonder what/who they were based on. be it off of ones imagination or real life experience, im always grateful for your decision to share them with us readers. oh and last ask was full so i couldnt put in my sign so i chose to skip it to write more words i wanted to convey to you lol. -🍉

Yeah I try to pull from my real life experiences cause then I know the exact things that can be felt in the moment. For instance, ‘I wish you’d stayed’ and ‘you’re losing me’ are both based off of things I’ve personally experienced. However, any of my fluffy fics are just based off a small idea I get from TikTok or a sentence I find 😭 I think the only irl experience of mine that’s in a fluff fic is (idk which fic) when I mentioned a green kitchen, blue hallway and a red and pink bathroom. Those were plans that I had made with someone for a future house 🥲

But I wanna say a quick thank you cause you’re the first person to sort of be interested in my fics like this and it makes me feel special 😭

[whatifitis]

"pit in my gut" and "youre losing me" reminded me at those times when i was a teen, hearing gossips from my neighbors and friends about others affairs, about how that woman or that man cheated/ treated their partners badly, about how we shouldnt love anyone too deeply or else we would get hurt the most. as an adult, i somewhat experienced them "stories" myself once. which made me want to know how much should one invest in a relationship and what to do when you realize or not that it went wrong.

“You’re losing me” is based off of real relationships I’ve experienced and I can definitely tell you that you’ll likely never know straight off the bat how much you should invest in a relationship. Sometimes you’ll know immediately that you and a person do not vibe well, while other times it will take weeks, months, or years to realize that it isn’t something that you should invest so much of yourself in. For one of my previous relationships (btw I’ve never dated anyone so these are all platonic or just talking stages), I didn’t realize that it was a dead end until months after the “break up”.

That’s sort of a part of life, never knowing everything. You’ll live and you’ll learn. You’ll experience heartbreak after heartbreak and yeah, you may never want to love again or put yourself out there. You may find it hard to be vulnerable again. But try not to be afraid of loving again whether it be a friend or romantic partner. I can PROMISE you that time literally helps a lot. And you might go through phases of sadness, anger, and contentness/peace but it just shows that you cared and that’s okay because you’re human.

[whatifitis]

🍉 anon, you have impeccable timing cause I just posted that happy ending fic and i was about to close the app for the night when you sent that ask lmao

[whatifitis]

♡ that's all i need to hear - LN 4 ♡

Summary: He lost you and it's his biggest regret in life. If given a second chance, can he win you back?

Author's Note: Hello! This is a happy ending for 'you're losing me' but it can also be read as a standalone. This is not proofread and feedback is always appreciated <3

WC: 2512

CW: angst, fluff, happy ending

Voicemail (1) From: Lando Norris

Hi, baby. I know I just texted you a bunch and ended up telling you to ignore it. But, I just- *deep inhale* I really do miss you. I was a right dick in treating you like shit and letting you go. Ehm… I’ll be honest, I dunno why exactly I called and texted. I mean, I want to talk to you *sniffle* so bad. And I- You’re the only one who really gets me. And I know that’s not- I don’t- fuck. I realize now that I fucked up a lot in our relationship. I know that I was awful and inconsiderate to you, especially when you were always there for me whenever I needed you. 

I’m not sure if you’ll listen to this message. I get it if you ignore all these. I kinda want you to ignore these. You deserve so much more than what I gave you. And I want you to be happy and get everything you want in life. But I also selfishly wish that it’s me that you choose to be happy with. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it… I love you, Y/n. Never stopped. 

-=+=-

*buzz buzz buzz* 

You’re awoken by the buzzing and light that’s being emitted by your phone. You roll over in bed and groan, reaching to turn off your phone when the notifications catch your eye. 7 text messages and a missed phone call from Lando. 

What is he doing calling you at 2 in the morning? You ask yourself, pressing play on the voicemail he left. 

After listening to his message, you called him back immediately. He sounded drunk and while you still thought he was a prick, you still cared about him and wanted to make sure he was safe. 

The phone didn’t even ring twice before Lando answered, “Hello? Y/n?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Where are you?” 

“I’m- I- I’m outside of a club or something… I think.”

You couldn’t help but laugh a little, “You think?”

“Mate, I dunno. I’m in the middle of a random city in Prague and I’m not sure if you’re aware, but I’m quite drunk at the minute.”

“Nooo. You’re drunk? I genuinely couldn’t tell from your slurred words and hundreds of misspelled words in your texts.” 

“Hey, hey, hey. Remember I’m also dyslexic.” Lando firmly stated. 

“Sure… Are you alone?” concern lacing your voice. 

“Yeah… I just needed to get out.”

“”I understand. But I think you should go back to your hotel now. Safely, preferably.”

“Yeah, I might. I just- FUCK. It’s so late for you. I’m so sorry for waking you. I don’t know what I was thinking, I honestly-”

“Lando, it’s okay. You didn’t wake me.” you try to convince him, not wanting to make him feel bad. 

“Okay, well, I know that’s a lie. You used to hate when I kept you up late. I used to give you a celsius everytime I kept you up late so that you didn’t completely hate me… guess it didn’t really work in the long run.”

“...I don’t hate you, Lando.”

“Nah. You do.” he laughs, almost pitifully, “I honestly think you should absolutely hate my guts. I was really mean to you.”

“Can we not do this? Please.”

“Fuck. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Just get home safe, yeah? Text me when you’re safe.”

“Yeah. I will. But uhm, Y/n?”

“Yeah?”

The line is silent for quite a while, you start to wonder if the line has dropped, “Lando?”

“Yeah, sorry. I just- I was wondering if, maybe, we could talk some time? I don’t expect us to like get back together or anything. As much as I would want that, I just really need to talk to you. Please.” 

Now you’re the one who’s silent. Do you want to talk? Kind of? But what good could that do? What’s the harm in going? You’ve both had time to think since that night. You’ve both calmed down so maybe it is time to talk. Maybe it can be a learning experience for the both of you. 

“Yeah. Um, do you know when you’ll be back home? Or I can fly out for a race or something. Just need to sort it out with work.” 

“I can fly home tomorrow.” 

“Lando, it’s the middle of the night for you and you’re drunk. You should get some rest tomorrow. We have plenty of time to get it all sorted.”

“No, I wanna see you. I can sleep on the plane. Just text me when and where and I’ll be there. I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Y/n. Thank you.”

And just like that, Lando hung up. You didn’t even get a chance to say goodnight or anything. Just when you were about to throw your phone onto the other side of the bed, you got a notification from Lando: “I know I just hung up on you and didn’t let you say anything back but it’s cause I got scared and I didn’t want you to fight me on meeting tomorrow. I’m sorry.” 

You let out a chuckle and sent your reply, “It’s okay. I get it. Just please try and get some rest before your flight and during your flight. Eat something and drink a ton of water as well. AND DON'T FORGET TO TEXT ME WHEN YOU’RE BACK AT YOUR HOTEL”

With no reply, you lay back down on your bed and try to relax. It’s been 6 months since the night you ended things with Lando. After a long internal battle, you began making peace with not having him around. You still missed him from time to time but it truly was destroying you knowing that he was constantly choosing something else over you. Knowing he was choosing not to talk to you. Part of you wants him back but you know it’s not that easy. 

You aimlessly scrolled through your phone as you waited for Lando’s text saying he got back to his hotel safely. Since the breakup, less and less edits of Lando have landed on your feed, something you’ve been grateful for. But today, one of them showed up on your feed. It was an edit of you and Lando, Waiting Room by Phoebe Bridgers playing in the back. 

No one knew, but this was one of the songs you used to play on repeat after the breakup. You were always repeating to yourself that breaking up was for the better. Lando wasn’t emotionally available and you couldn’t keep waiting and hoping that maybe one day he’d change. 

Before you could think any further, your phone buzzed in your hand. Lando texted you, letting you know he was now in his hotel room and about to sleep. Turning off your phone and setting it to the side, you turn in bed and close your eyes. Your brain is spinning and making you question whether you should cancel on meeting Lando tomorrow, or maybe even asking for a raincheck. You weren’t sure if the two of you were mature enough to have this conversation yet. You went back and forth in your mind until sleep eventually overtook your thoughts and blanketed your running mind with silence. 

-=+=-

For the first time in months, it was sunny outside. The typical grey clouds were nowhere to be seen, just golden rays of sun rained down on the people of London. You could feel the breeze blowing past you, getting caught in the skirt of your dress as you made your way to the park where you and Lando agreed to meet. 

You thought you would be nervous, possibly fiddling with your hands or jewelry, rambling to yourself of what could happen or how things could go wrong. But you’re not. You feel quite peaceful, as if you’re simply going for a stroll in the park. You’re not sure why this is. Maybe you didn’t have any expectations or hopes for today. Maybe you unknowingly made peace with this whole situation with Lando a long time ago. 

Before you knew it, you had made it to the park. You stood and scanned the area, keeping an eye out for a familiar, curly-haired man. And there he was, sitting on a bench, shaking his leg and checking his phone every 2 seconds. As you made your way to him, Lando spotted you and immediately stood from the bench, so quick that he almost threw his phone out of his hand. 

“Hey.” Lando said, almost breathless. 

“Hey.”

“Uh-” Lando sounds, motioning for you to have a seat on the bench next to him. 

It’s quiet for a moment, not necessarily because neither of you know where to begin. But it’s as if the both of you are giving each other the space and time to ground yourself before unfolding this turn of events. 

“I have no excuse for the things I did. Or the things I didn’t do.” Lando says, looking out towards the park that thrives in front of the both of you. 

You turn to look at him, not saying anything, just listening as he takes a breath and continues, “I don’t want to waste your time. You deserve an apology and acknowledgement. I was not a good boyfriend to you. You gave me everything. You gave me your time. You gave me your love. You gave me your loyalty. You gave me your patience. And you got nothing out of that besides me discarding you. I am fortunate to know you enough to know that my actions had a big affect on you and how you perceive yourself. But you need to know you deserve so much more than that. That discard had nothing to do with you. Listen, I didn’t call you here today because I want to win you back and get back together. As much as I want that, I know it’s not fair to you and I want you to get everything you deserve in life. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the one to give you that. I’m sorry for hurting you. You trusted me, and I broke that. Instead of listening to you, I made you feel invisible. I got defensive when you needed comfort… I should have made you feel safe again. I should have sat with your tears and listened.” 

This whole time, you sat unmoving. A neutral emotion painted your features as you listened to the man you once dreamed of marrying. And a little part of you still wishes for that. But he needs to know. He needs to know how much his absence and neglect really affected you, how it morphed all your thoughts into something that’s hard to undo. 

“I noticed when you weren’t excited with my presence anymore.” he turns and looks at you, watches you as you share something that makes you vulnerable. Something he knows you hate doing, “I noticed when talking to me seemed like a chore for you. I noticed when you started making up excuses so you didn’t have to talk to me. I noticed when the compliments stopped. I noticed when the affection stopped. I noticed when you got distant. I noticed. I noticed and I stayed because I just wanted to know what it felt like to be loved by you for just a little longer. You meant more to me than I meant to you. And I guess that could partially be my fault-”

“No” Lando voice cracks, “None of it was your fault. I was awful to you and it had nothing to do with you. I was just- I just didn’t know how to handle everything. And I got scared. I got scared of my feelings for you and so I pushed you away. And in doing so, I hurt you. I will forever regret my decisions and I don’t expect forgiveness.” his nose grows red as his eyes brim with tears. 

He’s on the brink of crying, and you’re just there. You don’t feel sad, you don’t feel happy either. You just feel… normal? You find yourself in the middle of a scale, balancing between endings. Either you walk away today alone, having closure. Or you walk away with the person in front of you who you still hope for a future with. Was it crazy for you to still want that after everything? Maybe. But what is life if you don’t take risks and learn? 

“You know, it’s crazy, but there’s still a part of me that wants to keep loving you. A part of me still wants the future I’d planned for us.” you laugh. 

Lando lets a tear fall and looks to the floor, “We could still have that. We could still try.”

“We could. But how can I be sure you won’t throw me off to the side again? How can I be sure that you won’t leave again?” This thought makes your heart sink, recalling how destroyed and empty you felt when everything fell apart. 

Lando sits up straight and looks you in the eye, determination written in him “I can’t promise you I’ll be perfect. I’m gonna fuck up… a lot” he laughs, “I can’t promise constant rainbows and butterflies. I can’t promise that it’ll be easy. But what I can promise is that I will prove to you, everyday, that I love you and that you are everything to me. I will devote my time to showing you that you don’t have to be afraid of me leaving ever again. And if you ever feel unhappy or invisible in this relationship ever again, I want you to leave my ass, yeah? I don’t want you to suffer for a year again, or even a month. Put yourself first.”

You feel your nose begin to tingle, tears forming on your waterline. This was all you ever wanted from him. You wanted him to listen, to learn, and to remember you. You wanted him to truly love you. 

“And what if I need time? To think and decide what I want?”

“Then you can have all the time in the world. And when you come to a decision, I will respect it. If you tell me to stay, I’ll stay. If you tell me to go… I’ll go.” His voice breaks again, lip trembling as he faces the facts and realizes this could be the last time he sees you, yet still holding a small glimpse of hope in his chest that you’ll choose him. 

Raising one of your hands, you softly cup the side of his face, wiping away his tears with your thumb. You look him in the eyes, just looking. You could decide right now, what your fate is. You could decide to walk away and never turn back. You could decide to hug and kiss him right now, choosing to spend an eternity loving him, possibly. Or you could decide that you need space and time. He was giving you the chance to choose, so you did. 

“Stay.”

[whatifitis]

gonna finish up some assignments then get started on a happy ending for 'you're losing me' 😋

[whatifitis]

AND ON THE THIRD DAY SHARL RESUSCITATED

[whatifitis]

♡ The Story of Tonight - LH 44 ♡

Summary: Your whole life, you lived in complete darkness. No sign of hope or light or love. Everything was just black and white. But after meeting your soulmate, what happens?

Author's note: this is based off this request! i hope i did it justice and im so sorry for the long wait. this is not proofread and feedback is always appreciated <3

WC: 2418

CW: fluff, essentially my ramblings after having no sleep

The paddock was abuzz with thrill and anticipation for the events that may occur today. The Monaco Grand Prix is today and there are three drivers who are in the lead to be this year's World Champion: Max Verstappen, Lando Norris, and none other than Sir Lewis Hamilton. 

It is your first time attending a Grand Prix after having followed the sport for basically your whole life. After saving money for years and fighting tooth and nail for a decent ticket, you were officially set to attend one of the most anticipated races out of the calendar year. 

You were practically born a Ferrari fan, it was in your blood to support your team through thick and thin. You grew up watching your favorites become drivers for Ferrari, I mean, everyone is a Ferrari fan at the end of the day. Although, it was often difficult at times to appreciate certain aspects. Everyone always raved about Ferrari and its color scheme, mainly being red. Talk about how the color matched the spirit of Ferrari with passion and fiery. But you never understood it. 

To this day, you still see black and white. There was no color, no life, just you drowning in a world of nothing. Growing up, most of your friends and family were lucky enough to meet their soulmate young, allowing them to finally see everything the world really had to offer. They were lucky enough to appreciate colors with their person. But here you were, almost halfway through your life and you still lived in black and white. 

For so long of your life, you were angry. You just wanted to be like everyone else. You wanted to see what everyone saw. You wanted to meet your person. You wanted to know how it felt. How it felt being in love and knowing that the person in front of you was it for you. You wanted to know how it felt to be secure, happy. But now you’ve learned that maybe it’s just not for you. Not everyone is meant to fall in love and be loved. So, it’s okay. You’ve learned how to live without it and how to be content with the life you have now. 

Now, you know better. You spend your days working and appreciating the moments you get with your friends and family. And today, you were ecstatic because you were able to pay for a trip to Monaco to watch the Grand Prix, not just for you, but for your best friend as well. It was the least you could do considering she’s been there for you for every waking moment that you may have needed her. 

The two of you were getting ready in the hotel, probably overthinking every little aspect but atleast neither of you were alone. 

“Okay, I still don’t know if I wanna wear a dress or if I wanna go with pants. Like, how hot is it going to be? I know the weather app can tell me but Monaco heat could be different from London heat. Also, which one won’t make me seem out of place? I don’t wanna look like I don’t know what I’m doing even though that is the case.” you started rambling, panicking because you were about to be surrounded by people who are famous and, not to be rude, but probably snobby. 

“Hmm, maybe those jeans with a white t-shirt? And you can layer that red jacket on top so if it gets too hot, you can just take it off.” your friend, Faith, says. 

Walking over to the mirror, you place the shirt and pants in front of you to see how it would come together, “I could use the black purse, right? And maybe some jewelry?”

“Yes, babe. You’re gonna look fit. You know, I bet you that you will pull today. Someone is gonna ask for your number and I’m willing to bet so much money that it’ll be one of the drivers. Who knows, maybe it’ll be Lance Stroll? Or or… a retired driver… like someone who’s name starts with a ‘J’ and is also British.” your friend jokingly states, pursing her lips are you. 

“First of all, I think Jenson Button is married… with children. Second of all, I’m not pulling anyone or anything. The only thing I’ll probably pull is a muscle or a door that says it needs to be pushed.” 

“Right… Well, put your clothes on so we can get going. I wanna get there before the race actually starts. Come on, chop chop.” Faith claps her hands at you, trying to get you to actually hurry up. 

-=+=-

The paddock seemed to be a lot calmer than what you thought it would actually be like. For so long, you assumed that people were constantly running around and that things were always being moved. In reality, it’s quite calm. Everyone just walks and talks throughout the day, no sense of urgency at all. 

You and Faith were sitting on a bench and talking while you waited for the race to start. 

“No, what I’m saying is that I would’ve been sick as a character on Glee.” 

Raising an eyebrow at your friend, you entertain her “Yeah? How so?”

“Well, first of all, I wouldn’t be the worst or the best singer. I’d be about average. I’m also a mid dancer. But, I have some pretty good jokes. I also think I could’ve had some sick lore with Jessie. Like I could’ve been his baby mama.”

With a hand running down your face, “Faith… what the fuck?” you laugh. 

“What? Did I lie? No, and here’s why. Honestly, my castmates, especially Lea Michele, would absolu-” Faith was explaining until she was interrupted by shouts and hollers from fans and cameramen. 

The both of you turned to look at what all the commotion was when all of a sudden THE Lewis Hamilton was sprinting past. As per usual, the man was wearing his headphones and just trying to get from one place to another without much interruption or distraction. However, he looked up from the ground and locked eyes with you. 

Colors. 

You saw colors? How could that be possible? One second everything was normal and black and white. Now everything is golden. Okay, not exactly golden but pretty damn close. It’s so beautiful. You almost cried from the overwhelming emotion of finally understanding what people were talking about. But, how can this be? People are only able to see color when they meet their soulmate. So was… Lewis Hamilton was your soulmate?

“Fuck.” you said. 

“Huh?” Faith turned to you. 

Lewis had already disappeared into a garage by the time you came to your realization. He was gone. 

“He’s my- Lewis- He’s- No, it’s not possible.”

“Babe, spit it out. Yes, that was Lewis Hamilton and you missed the opportunity to take a pic of him for you dad because you were too busy drooling over him.” 

“No. Faith. He’s- I can see colors.”

“Holy shit! No way. That’s amazing, babes. Congra- WAIT. NO.”

“Yes!” 

“Oh my fucking god. But… Lewis?”

“Everything was normal until we locked eyes. When we locked eyes, everything just… changed. I can see every color. Green. Blue. Purple. Red. He was wearing red. A really nice red…” 

“Yeah, no shit. We have to get a hold of him. He’s your soulmate.” 

“No. I’m probably wrong. It’s probably someone else that was in that crowd.”

“Did you make eye contact with any of them?”

“No”

“Right, so, you’re a dumb bitch and Lewis Hamilton is your soulmate. Let’s go find him.” Faith states, jumping from her seat on the bench. 

“Faith, no. Sit back down. We are no-”

You were reaching for Faith’s hand, pulling her back to sit down next to you when a blonde woman in red came out racing towards you. 

“Hi. I’m so sorry to bother you. But I’m gonna need you to come with me, please. At the request of Lewis Hamilton. He wishes to speak with you as soon as possible. Preferably before he has to get in the car.”

You and Faith stood there in shock. Complete silence swallowed you whole and the only way you were brought out of your empty mind was for Faith to physically pull you off the bench and towards a hallway which only allowed drivers and crew members. 

The two of you followed the blonde woman down a few corridors before she turned to face you again and began introducing herself, “Hello. I’m so sorry but I probably should have introduced myself. Can’t imagine how strange it was for me to come up and demand you come with me. I’m Angela and I’m Lewis’ personal trainer. Lewis said that as he was walking to the garage, he saw you and that’s when it happened.”

“Yeah. She saw color and oh my god. I’m so excited for this. I’m sorry for speaking for her but she needs a moment before she’s able to talk again. It’s quite overwhelming for her, I think.” Faith rambles. You appreciate her doing so. 

You simply nod and watch as Angela turns her back to you and continues leading you. After passing a few more corners, you found yourself in the Ferrari garage. You watched as all the engineers raced around and made a few final inspections on the car. Some of the guys were already strategizing and discussing possibilities of certain things happening in the race. 

From the corner of the room, everything moved in slow motion in front of you. You could feel your breathing as it quickened in pace. A strange feeling, you must admit. Every single person in this room had a job to do. Lewis counted on all these people to help him win races. It’s hard to imagine the weight on his shoulders. 

Before you could fold into yourself and escape into a space in your head, Faith poked your rib and pointed to a wall in the room. Well, to be specific, it was Angela walking towards Lewis and letting him know of your arrival. Lewis looked up at you again and it was like a second wave of liveliness. The first time he looked at you, the world came to life and surrounded you with color and warmth. Now, when he looks at you, it’s like you’ve just come to life. After years of just surviving, now you get to live… and possibly even feel things you haven’t before. 

In the blink of an eye, Lewis was standing right in front of you. 

“Hey, I’m Lewis.” he states, holding his hand out for you to shake. 

You softly place your hand in his, trying to hide the nervousness coursing through your body, “Hi, I’m Y/n.”

“Y/n. That’s a beautiful name.” he smiles and you completely melt. His eyes crinkle in the corners as sparkles lace his brown eyes. What a beautiful sight. You could definitely get used to this. 

“Thank you.”

“I’m so sorry about all the chaos, by the way. It’s been a hectic day and the race is about to start. But when I saw you, and I saw everything. Like my world came to life. When it happened, I guess I was in quite a bit of shock. It also didn’t help being separated by so many people. Once I got the chance, I immediately called Angela and asked her to find you for me. I really want to talk to you and get to know you. Possibly after the race? We could go somewhere quiet. Preferably somewhere where there won’t be many people.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, no, that’d be great. I’d love to talk. I’d really like to get to know you.”

“I’m glad the feeling is mutual then. And I guess it’s a good thing you look good in red. You’ll be surrounded by a lot of Ferrari in the future. That is, if you’re okay with that.”

Barely one conversation in and he already had you blushing and melting, “I’d love that. Now that I can finally see it, I think I can safely say that red is indeed my color.” you let out a soft laugh. And to your surprise, he laughs too. 

“Agreed. I gotta get back to work now. But feel free to watch the race down here. We can get you and your friend some headphones so you can hear everything and you’ll be able to watch the race through those monitors.” Lewis explains, pointing to where the monitors can be found, “Oh and I’m so sorry. It’s quite rude of me to not introduce myself to your friend. Hi, I’m Lewis.”

Faith and Lewis exchange greetings and chat for a moment before Lewis ends up going back to work again. 

“I’ll find you after the race, yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ll be here. Although I might pass out once all the adrenaline wears off. I did not expect to be in the Ferrari garage today, let alone meeting you and finding out you’re…”

“A pleasant surprise. It’s made my day, honestly. This may be better than a podium or race win. Okay, talk later, darling.” With a kiss on the cheek, Lewis walks off to his car and begins his pre-race routine. 

Everything today was so unexpected. You had saved for this trip for months and now that you’re finally here, you meet your soulmate? It’s all so terrifying and new. You don’t know how this will go. For all you now, you could completely fumble everything and end up back where you started, alone and void of so many things. But for now, you’ll appreciate this special moment. You’ll appreciate the feeling today has brought you and take everything one step at a time. If everything works out, this will be the person you’ll be running home to, and that is something you honestly can’t wait for. 

-=+=-

“And the story of tonight? Sir Lewis Hamilton seems to have found his soulmate. He’s been going around the paddock and just looking at and observing just about anything. Just admiring random objects and the colors they are. Just a few minutes ago, he was observing a potted plant very closely, inspecting the colors it had to offer him. Now, who do we think the lucky girl is? The one who gets to take Sir Lewis Hamilton home. The one who will get to comb through the complicated braids of life with the legend himself.”

[whatifitis]

not stopping til i finish this

[whatifitis]

♡ pit in my gut, in the shape of you - CL 16

♡

Summary: After a disastrous breakup, you manage to pick yourself up again and reach goals you always thought were out of reach. But what do you do when you run into your ex who does everything in his power to tear you down? Could you ever love again? And do you see your friend the way he sees you?

Author's Note: Omg another one of my old fics 😍 This one is very reworked though. Also, this fic is very much focused on y/n HOWEVER if it is wanted, part 2 has a lot more Charles with a lovely connection :D

WC: 5999

CW: angst, breakup, mentions of depression and its symptoms, Calum Hood portrayed in a bad light (IM A 5SOS FAN PLS DONT HATE ME), a stupid man being mean as fuck, fluff if you squint

You two were best friends. Everyday, you were stuck to each other's side. Whether you were out on adventures, or just at home watching the worst rom-coms ever made. You never got sick of eachother. Forever stuck to each other by glue. 

You always feared that those who loved you would eventually grow to hate you and get annoyed by you. That even the little things you did would result in them leaving, because they have before. But he never left. He stayed by your side for 3 summers. 

But then something changed. He stopped asking you about things; your interests, your days, your work. He stopped kissing you goodnight. He stopped bringing you lilies, your favorite flower. And one day, he just seemed to stop loving you. He left without a word. All he left in your two bedroom apartment was a note saying “I can’t do this anymore”. 

You had noticed the change in his behavior, but you thought, hoped, it was just a rough patch that most couples go through. You thought everything would go back to normal. You thought that if you tried enough, he would stay. You stopped going on tangents about anything and everything. You took on less hours at work to try and cook for him everyday and be present. You tried to make plans with him. But he still wouldn’t give you the time of day. You began to wonder what you did wrong. Where did it go wrong?. Did youtalk too much? Did he start to think your obsession with things was weird or childish? Or did he simply just fall out of love with you? What could you do to change and bring him back? 

The day he left was the day your whole world fell apart. You quit your job, stopped taking care of yourself, and stopped seeing your friends and family. Those around you grew worried, but there was nothing they could do. They couldn’t get you to eat, bathe, or even open the door to your shared apartment. 

2 years have passed and you have managed to move on. Now you have a new amazing job that you love and some new friends that you care for and know that they care for you as well. You moved out of the two bedroom apartment you once shared with your past lover, and moved into a one bedroom apartment that you absolutely adore. You decorated it to be somewhat like your dream apartment. You’ve got bookshelves lining a whole wall, the bookshelves filled with all of your favorite books and some memorabilia you’ve gathered from traveling and from sharing memories with friends and family. The rest of your walls are filled with posters and pictures of things from your interests to friends and family. 

After all this time, you still fear that if you put yourself out there, that people will start leaving you again. You truly don't think you can go through the heart break again. You’ve closed yourself off in some ways. You stopped sharing your interests with people. When asked about your day, you keep it to a minimum. If you saw a rat on the subway on your way to work, you would say so. But you would refrain from talking about how it was the size of your arm and that it was carrying 2 slices of pizza on its back. Something else that you had started doing that you hadn’t noticed was that you started dressing in more bland colors. No more rainbows, sparkles, odd patterns, but more basics in black, white and beige. All the colors and patterns can come off too strongly to some people, better to keep the brightness to a minimum. But you’re happier now. Happier than you were 2 years ago at least.

You now work at the biggest music production company in the country, hoping that one day, you will be able to touch people's hearts with your music and inspire others to follow their dreams, just like you had. One day, as you were on the way to a coffee shop during your break, you saw him. You saw his brown curly hair and his favorite jacket, the one you used to wrap yourself in on cold nights spent with him, walking along the riverside and just talking. He was waiting in line to order his favorite, an iced latte and a slice of banana bread. 

As you stood and stared in the doorway, you saw someone walk up to him and wrap an arm around his waist. She’s blonde and absolutely gorgeous. Probably the most beautiful woman that you’ve ever seen. Whilst you examine the woman, you notice something on the woman's finger. A ring. An engagement ring. Simple, but elegant. 

You debated whether you should leave or stay and pretend you didn’t see anything, as if the scene before you isn’t killing you on the inside. Before you could make your decision, he turned and spotted you. He stared at you from across the room, almost as if he was trying to place where he knew you from. The woman whispers something into his ear and he looks down at his fiance and laughs. 

You stood there, motionless, wondering did he forget me? Is it that easy to forget me? What we had? Or did he just not want to acknowledge me? How could he move on so easily? So quickly?

It was now your turn to order, so you stepped up to the cashier and ordered your usual,  an iced coffee and a cheese danish for yourself, as well as an americano and blueberry muffin for a friend of yours. Once you’d paid, you stepped to the side and waited for them to call your name, indicating that your order was ready. As you waited, you tried your best to not acknowledge him. You didn’t look in his direction and didn’t stand near them. But he kept taking small glances at you. You didn’t understand why he was doing this. Was it to see if you were jealous? If you were still heartbroken? Maybe he was trying to get a rise out of you. 

After some time, your name was called by one of the barista’s so you made your way to the counter and picked up your order, walking out the door as fast as you could. As soon as you stepped out the door, it felt like you could finally take the breath that you didn’t realize you were holding. Taking the first steps back to work, you looked back at him, but he wasn’t looking. Instead, he was pulling the woman, his fiance, close and kissing her, as if he knew you were watching, wanting to make you feel some way. 

As soon as you got back to work, you dropped off the muffin and coffee at your friend's desk. As you were making your way back to your desk, one of your company's clients and a close friend of yours, the one she had bought a muffin for, walked up to you and told you that her boss wished to speak to her. Charles gave her a shy smile as he walked away. You raced to your boss’ office where you were told that you had to write a song for one of your favorite artists. You were told to write a ballad about heartbreak, a song that would make people's hearts sink when they listen to the song. You told her boss that it was no problem, not wanting to be a disappointment. 

Immediately, you got to writing. You sat in one of the small studios in the building and began writing. You wrote down various lyrics as you played various chords on the piano. You worked for hours on end until the sun began to rise again. You hadn’t eaten or slept, but you believed you had written one of her favorite songs yet. It was something you held close to your heart and you prayed it was good enough. 

Once you had finished writing the song, you noticed it was 5 am. You decided to race home quickly to refresh and then come back to the studio to show your boss the song you had just written, to get their input. To say you were nervous was an understatement. As much as you loved your job, you hated having to share your work, for fear it would not be well received. You were afraid that the songs you worked on wouldn't be enough. But you pushed through your doubts, because at the end of the day, if you don't believe in yourself, then no one will. 

You played the song for your boss, and they loved it. They told you to immediately record a demo of it and send it to the client. With that, you got to work. Stepping into one of the studios, you found Charles, the blueberry muffin lover. You immediately raced to him with excitement, telling him about how your boss had loved the song you had written and wanted you to record a demo for it and send it to the client, who just so happened to be your favorite artist.

“That’s amazing, ma cherie! I’m not surprised honestly, you’re an amazing songwriter and musician. It was only a matter of time before your talent was recognized.” he smiled softly at you. 

With the help of a producer, you recorded the demo and had it sent to the client, who absolutely loved it and wanted it to be the first single off their new album. You were ecstatic because not only did you love it, but so did your boss and your favorite artist. Soon after, the client came to the recording studio in the building and started recording the song with your help  and a few producers' help. 

Once you had finished recording the song, the client stood there in silence. You felt like you were melting in that studio, full of people you respect and admire. What if it turned out that the client didn’t like the song anymore? That they didn’t want it anymore? What if they wanted someone else to write a song for them? What if you really weren’t good enough? 

Finally, the client spoke, looking right at you “You know,  I don’t think I’m doing this song justice. I think you should record it, properly, and release it under your name. You’ve got an amazing voice and incredible song writing skills. I don’t think it’s fair of me to take this song from you.” 

You thought you were being messed with but after a few moments, realized that the client was being serious. It took a bit of convincing, but you agreed to release this song under your own name, totally not due to peer pressure. Of course you were shitting bricks at the thought of putting yourself out there as a singer, but it was something you were excited for? For the first time in a long time, you felt like you were on the right path. 

Leading up to the release of your first single, there were countless meetings and dinners with important people. People who had power and influence in the music industry. People that she had only dreamed of working with, never thinking it could be real. So many contracts that had to be signed. You began to doubt whether it was something you were worthy of. All these people were taking a big risk in working with you. What if you turned out to be a waste of time, money, and effort. 

One specific day, while you worked with lawyers and managers on getting your new career started, you stepped out of your office building to take a breather and gather your thoughts. But, as you did, you saw him, Calum Hood. The man who broke with silence all those years ago. He’s standing there with his big brown eyes looking directly at you. The two of you stood there staring at each other, 8 feet apart, not saying a word. 

After what seemed like hours, he walked to you, not breaking eye contact. Your heart started racing, wondering why he’s here, why is he walking towards you. As soon as you were in arm's reach of each other, he handed you an envelope. You reluctantly took it from his hand and saw your name written on the front, in beautiful cursive. 

“It’s an invitation… to my wedding. It’s in a few months and I want you there. I know I kinda left abruptly and you’re probably pissed at me, but I hope between now and the wedding, we can reconnect and be happy for eachother. I mean I’m engaged now and you’re obviously seeing someone.”

You were taken back by this comment, why does he think I’m seeing someone? 

He sees the confusion on your face “At the coffee shop, you ordered two drinks and two pastries. I assumed that you were getting it for your partner.” 

When he said this, you thought shit but you also thought, since he’s moved on, you should pretend that you have too. 

You looked back up at him and said “Yeah, I’m seeing someone. I met him here at work a couple years ago.” 

“Great, I’m glad we could both move on and be happy for eachother. I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat or a coffee sometime. We can catch up and reconnect?” 

You agreed. You were curious as to why he left that day. It has been in the back of your mind for the past 2 years. Why not take this chance to find out? Setting a time and date to meet, you said your goodbyes to each other. 

For the next week, you worked and worked, trying to get your new life in order. PLacing everything where you wanted it to be or where it needed to be. All of this was so new to you and now your ex has been thrown back into the mix. You were actively trying not to drown, clawing at the waves to survive. 

You made your way to the coffee shop you and Calum had agreed to meet at. As soon as You walked in, you saw him sitting at a table in the corner. He smiled and waved you over. You walked over and sat down, noticing that he had already ordered for the both of you. In front of you, on the table, sat your favorite drink, but it was hot. You hated hot drinks. Even when it was freezing outside, you always ordered cold drinks. A pastry sat next to the drink, it was a pastry that you’d never tried. 

“I remember these were your favorites. I’m not sure if they still are but hopefully you still like them.” 

“Yeah, thanks” you said, plastering on a smile. You hated that you still loved him, after all this time. Even after he got your coffee order wrong and claimed it was your favorite. 

The two fo you sat there in silence wondering where to start. 

“So uh, how have you been since… you know” Calum says, giving you a toothy smile. 

“Since you left me out of the blue? Yeah I’m doing pretty good” you said with a laugh, almost masking the pain that still pierces your being. 

He lets out a chuckle

“I’ve got a new job, new apartment, new partner. I guess you could say I’m doing great. How about you?” you asked the man before you. 

“Yeah, I’ve been good. I got a big promotion, new house, and I’m getting married to an amazing woman.” 

When he said this, you felt your heart sink into your stomach. 

“Tell me about her.” you said

“Well, she is a nurse. During her free time, she volunteers at an animal shelter. She’s constantly bringing home stray animals as well, hoping she can find them new homes. One of the things I love about her. She uh, she also loves painting. She’s constantly painting something new. We have about 20 of her paintings around the house.” he says with a smile on his face. “She’s literally the perfect woman. I love everything about her. But enough about me. Tell me about your guy. What’s he like?” 

You panicked when he said this. You don’t have a guy. So you thought of someone you could describe, Charles. 

As you begin speaking, you unconsciously smile “Um, well, he’s a driver, like he drives in Formula 1. We met at work when he was looking for a company that could help him bring his compositions to life. We sort of hit it off from there. He plays the piano like it's no one's business. He can also play the guitar and he’s an amazing musician overall. He’s like a chess genius and one day he ran into the studio and told me about a great idea he had. He wanted to use the sounds of chess pieces hitting the board in a song. I mean it’s not a crazy idea. Billie Eilish used an Australian crosswalk sound for a song. Why can’t we use chess piece sounds?” You laugh when you say this, thinking about how absurd it is that Charles comes up with these ideas just out of the blue. 

You continued “He loves getting up early in the morning and going to watch the sunrise. And he loves cooking. He makes the best pesto dishes. Any dish with pesto, he can make into something you can only dream of eating. You should come over one day and try it.” 

“I’d love to. We should all get together one day and have dinner. My fiance and I and you and your mate.” 

“Yeah, just let me know when you two are free. Charles and I are usually only busy during the day.”

“I’ll check with my fiance but yeah, I’ll let you know. What else have you been up to? Any gossip going around that you can share? I’m sure there’s a ton with the amount of celebrities you work with.”

You hate that he’s asking this. You used to tell him everyday that you did not feel comfortable sharing anything you ever heard at work, as it was not any of your business and you wouldn’t want your business being aired out either. 

“Not so much gossip that I can share but, I am currently in the process of releasing a song.” “Really?” he asks in a doubtful tone. “That’s… amazing! I know how much you wanted to be a big song writer, and now you’re gonna be a big star.”

“I’m not so sure about being a big star.”

“Oh no, believe me, you are gonna go on to play in stadiums and sell out tours, and win awards. Trust me, I know you, and I know how talented and hard working you are. You’re gonna be the biggest star anyones ever seen." His tone makes him seem like he’s being sarcastic. 

You feel your cheeks turn red, not from flattery, but from anger? Embarrassment? He never once said he believed in you when the two of you were together. Never once stated that you were talented. Always changing conversation topics when you would bring up your work. 

“Thank you. I’m really excited for this next step in my life.”

“Yeah, no problem. I’m glad we saw each other that day, and that we can talk now. And again, I’m sorry for leaving abruptly all those years ago. I’m not sure what exactly happened but, I’m sorry. I really am” he says. But, you’re finding it hard to believe him. You don’t think he’s actually sorry for his actions. 

“It’s okay. Things happen. People change and there’s nothing we can do about it. Listen, it’s getting late and I should get going, but let me know when we can all sit down and have dinner.” 

“Yeah of course, take care.”

The two of you  stand up and hug before leaving. As soon as you touch, you remembered what it felt like to be with him. Unconsciously, you sank into his arms immediately, not wanting to let go. For a second, you hoped that time would freeze. That you could be his for even another minute. Maybe there’s a chance he could love you again, like you weren’t hopeless. Maybe you could be enough this time. But eventually, you did part. You two walked out of the shop together and then went different directions. 

As soon as you got home, she panicked thinking I gotta talk to “my guy”. You pick up your phone and text Charles, asking him to meet you in front of her apartment building in an hour. He fortunately agrees without questioning it. 

An hour later, you meet Charles at the front of your apartment building. “Hey, What’s up? Are you okay? Why’d you need to meet so soon?” he says while walking up to you, worry sketched into his face. 

“Well you see, I may or may not have bumped into my ex who is now engaged and then talked to him and now he thinks that I’m also seeing someone when I’m not because I need him to think that I have moved on because he moved on and he invited me to his wedding and he needs to think I’ve moved on and that I’m happy.” “I-. Seems like you’ve gotten yourself in quite the predicament.” he lets out a small laugh. “But why do you need me, specifically?”

“I need you to pretend that we’ve been dating for like a year and maybe, possibly, pretty please, be my date to their wedding.” “Oh.” he laughs “I mean, sure. I’m down to help you out. Let me know what our story is so that I can get into character” he jokes. 

“Really? Are you sure? You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I know this is a weird request and stuff.” you explain, beginning to regret your decisions and panicking a bit. 

“Yeah. I’m totally down. It actually sounds kind of fun, almost like I’m crashing a wedding but I'm not. I also sort of owe you for all the help at work. I wouldn’t have been able to get some of those projects done so quickly without you.” 

“Oh, yeah that was no problem. But are you really sure you’re okay with helping me with this?”

“Most definitely. Text me the details when you can. We can begin scheming.” he tells you as he begins to walk away.

Before he disappears from view, you shout back a reply “Alright. Thanks Charles, I really appreciate it.” 

As he turned around, you swore you saw his eyes twinkle. 

Once he’d turned a corner, you went back up to your apartment and took a breath and wondered what the hell did I get myself into. 

A month has passed and it’s time for all four of you to have dinner together. You all met at your apartment. Since you've been working every hour of every day, your “partner” arrived at your apartment ahead of time so that he could prepare dinner for everyone. 

Calum and his fiance, Kayla, arrive and you all gather around the table and begin to eat. You all make small talk with each other, starting with whatever is on the news. As time went on, you all began to feel comfortable enough around each other to talk about what’s happening in your lives and how everyone knows each other. As far as Kayla knows, you and Calum were friends a few years back til work got in the way and you just lost touch.

Throughout the whole dinner, Calum tries to steal glances at you, but you don't give in. He tries grazing your leg with his foot but you ignore it. You don't understand why he’s doing this. He’s happily engaged with a new job and new house. 

Charles soon notices how uncomfortable you are and tries his best to subtly comfort and reassure you. Charles pulls your chair a little closer to himself, not realizing that he’s just saved you from having that man touch your leg again. He asks you if you’re okay and you tell him that you’re fine, giving him a smile that he can see right through. 

You all talk and laugh all night until it’s time for Calum and Kayla to go home. The couple say their goodbyes and leave, thanking you and Charles for hosting and cooking. 

Charles stays back and helps you clean for a bit, even after you’d reassured him that you could do it yourself. 

“Hey, are you okay?” he asks you. 

“Yeah, I just- It was just weird, the whole dinner thing.” you try to brush him off. But he doesn’t let up. 

“Don’t lie to me. I could see how visibly uncomfortable you were. Was he doing something to make you uncomfortable?”

“No, he didn’t do anything. Please just drop it. It’s been a long night.” you say, feeling exhausted. 

“Fine. But this conversation isn’t over yet.” he says as he begins to walk out. 

“Thanks.” you call out to him before he can walk out the door. “For helping me and for cooking dinner tonight. I really appreciate it. The pesto was really good. And thanks for checking up on me, you didn’t need to.” you try to put on a smile for him. But he can’t help but see right through it, and knows right now isn’t the time to push you to talk yet. 

He simply nods and tells you “It was no problem. I’m always here if you need anything.” He smiles at you as he walks out the door. 

A few hours later, you're in your apartment, getting ready for bed when all of a sudden, there’s a knock at your door. You walked to the door to see who could possibly be knocking at your door so late at night. You look through the peephole of the door to see Calum. You weren't sure what to do. Not only did you feel exhausted, but you also wanted to know what was going through his head, why was he here? 

Opening the door, you tell him to come in and ask him why he’s back here at your apartment, especially so late at night. 

He looks at you and just says “I love you. I never stopped loving you. I’ve loved you since the first night I met you. I never stopped loving you.” You’re confused and angry. He left you, out of the blue, and immediately got into another relationship. He made you feel small and foolish. He made you feel unlovable. Unworthy. He made you question your worth for so long. You had to fight claws and chains to come back from the depths of darkness that he threw you in. 

You look him in the eyes and ask “Then why did you leave?”

He holds your stare and says “Because I was an idiot. I didn’t know what I wanted.”

“You didn’t know what you wanted? Really? That’s your answer?”

“Well it’s not like it’s entirely my fault that our relationship ended the way it did. I mean, you had as much of a role in our demise as I did.”

“Excuse me?” You can’t believe him and his audacity “Tell me, what the fuck did I do that made our relationship end? Please, tell me. Go on then.”

“Well I mean, for starters, you were always talking about yourself. You know what, no, you just were always talking. Nonstop. It’s like you couldn’t stand the fucking silence or letting someone else talk. Like who cares if you saw a rat on the subway. It’s New York City for fucks sake. That shit happens everyday.”

“What else?” you asked, trying to keep the tears from falling. 

“You are always so full of yourself. You really think you’re talented? You really think you can amount to something? You write songs. Woo fucking hoo, congratulations. Millions of people can do that, it doesn’t make you special. Just because you got given this new career, doesn’t mean shit. Talentless people make and release music all the time. It doesn’t mean shit. When are you gonna realize that you don’t matter. That people aren’t going to love you like I do.”

“Stop spewing that shit at me. You have no right to say that.”

“No, I have every right considering I wasted so many years on you.”

Eventually, you lost it. Tears were streaming down your face and you stopped holding back.

“I was a fool for loving you and thinking you loved me too. I did everything for you. Everything I did was all for you. But it didn’t mean shit to you. You kept me waiting for your love for years. And I acted like it was fine, like I was fine. I thought maybe someday you’d come around and that it would be something we laughed about when we were older. But I finally learned my lesson. I was naive and foolish to think you could ever love anyone but yourself.”

“Stop with the theatrics for god's sake. All you needed to do when we were together was give me space and be chill and hold your fucking tongue. I’m trying to give you a chance with me again. Just take me back and we can pretend this never happened. You can have a purpose in life again.”

You stare at him not knowing what to say or do, feeling trapped. You can’t believe this man, coming into your home and saying that shit. You can’t believe that at one point in time, you loved him. 

“Go.” you tell him. 

“What the fuck are you saying.”

“Go, get out. Get out of my fucking apartment, I never want to see you again.” You yelled as you pointed towards the door. He looked at you in disbelief “I walk out that door, then this is over for good.” He gestured between you two, “You won’t get another chance.”

“Leave. I don’t need you or your stupid ego.”

“Fine, just remember that you did this to yourself. Have fun spending the rest of your life alone and unsuccessful. No one in hell will be stupid enough to love you, at least not like I did.” 

He walked out of the apartment as you slammed the door shut. 

You had a lot of regrets in your life. But your biggest regret was him. You regretted putting him on such a pedestal. For treating him like he was the sun. For years, you watched him as he tolerated you. You were such a fool for him. You waited patiently, but you were never enough for him. You don’t think anyone will ever be enough for him. 

The whole time he spoke and bashed you, you thought that maybe he’ll never be satisfied. He could have the perfect life with a perfect house and perfect wife and perfect family. But at the end of the day, he will always want more. 

After years of doubting yourself, putting yourself down and believing every word he ever said to you about you, you’re finally at a place where you can confidently say that someday, you will be everything to somebody else. This person will think you’re so exciting. This person will never cease to amaze you. This person will always love hearing you talk, hearing you laugh, wanting to bottle up the sound so that he can listen to it whenever he wants. 

Your first single made it to the top 10 on the charts. YOur schedule was booked full with interviews from various magazines and entertainment channels. Everyone kept asking you “When’s the album coming out?” “Who's the song about?” “Is there a potential love interest in your life right now?” “This man claims the song was written about him, is it true?”. Millions of questions, some that you refused to answer. 

Your first few months of fame were chaotic to say the least. The only time you felt at peace and like you could be yourself was when you were in the studio where you first wrote the song. Oftentimes, you would sit in that studio and just sit in silence, savoring the calm. As you were about to close your eyes and take a little nap, you heard a knock on the door. You call out to the person behind the door stating that they could come in. The door opened and you saw that it was your “partner”. You smiled as Charles walked in, taking a seat next to you. 

“So, how’s fame treating you?”

“It’s pretty tiring if I’m honest.” you laughed.

“It looks tiring.” he laughs with you, “Why are you here alone? Shouldn’t you be mingling with the big names right now? You know, out partying and stuff.”

“Not my kind of thing. How are things with you? What have you been up to?”

“Just the same old stuff. The only difference is that my projects are getting out slower now that my writing partner is big and famous.” he says jokingly. 

“Writing partner? Really? Since when did I get promoted to your “writing partner”?”

“I’m only joking. But yeah, it’s not the same around here without you, cherie.” he smiles softly at you “I never got to check up on you after that dinner. Are you okay?”

“Well I mean, I’m as okay as I can be. No one really teaches you what to do when a “good man” hurts you, so.”

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that. He seems like an ass. ”

“You only met him once.” you stated, letting out a small laugh. You continue “Yeah, you know what’s crazy? He came back to my apartment a few hours after dinner.” “Why? What did he want?” 

“He just asked for me to take him back, and when I said no, he told me it wasn’t just his fault that we ended the way we did. He said it was also my fault. He also said some other fucked up shit but, it doesn’t matter. He was right.”

“Whatever he said, that night, don’t believe him. You guys ended because he’s a dick, not because of anything you did.”

“You don’t know what happened.”

“No, I don’t. But I do know you. I know you, ma belle. You are a talented songwriter. You are a hardworking person with so much fire and passion. You are someone who never gives up. Someone who will put others before herself. Someone who is unstoppable. Someone who loves unconditionally and is also unconditionally loved. Someone who remembers everyone's favorite order at the coffee shop so that no one feels left out. Someone that people look up to and admire. You are worthy of all the good in the world. I know who you are. ” You look at him, wondering if you really are worth it. 

But you simply replied “Thank you.”

When you’re left with your own thoughts, you start to wonder, would you be able to sail through the changing ocean tides? Maybe. Would she be able to handle the seasons of your life? Maybe. 

All you know is that you’ll always believe in yourself. Believe that there are people who love you. That supports you. That appreciate you. That see you, for who you truly are. For as long as you live, there will always be people in your corner, even when you don’t think they should be. So, maybe one day you’ll find your person. Maybe one day you’ll build a life with this person. Maybe one day, you will believe it when someone says they love you. 

Maybe one day.

[whatifitis]

tbh when you said "a sort of angst fic" i didnt expect it would be that short fic with oscar lol (unless there was gonna be another one!). a little spicy dream + funny moods + oscar = really a hilarious read indeed. -🍉

It was gonna be a “sort of angst fic” but I could not find the file for the life of me 😭 it also doesn’t help that idek what I had named the file so I’ve been opening every single document I have to try and find it lmao

Trust, if I find it, I will upload the sort of angst fic.

Also thank you for reading my little Oscar fic 😭 I think it was the beginning of my attempts at adding some comedy to my writing so very much appreciated 🥹

[whatifitis]

♡ how do you want me? - OP 81 ♡

Summary: A wet dream has you grasping for something to feel (or someone). Will your needs be fulfilled?

Author's Note: This is a rework of one of my old fics. It was originally posted to my Spencer Reid blog but now it's been made for Oscar

WC: 639

CW: a bit of fingering, bit of smut, Oscar is dominant if you squint your eyes and don't blink, fluff i think?, we also (lovingly) call Oscar a bitch at some point :P, use of the word brat for a milisecond

It had been a long day. Oscar had left early in the morning, not without lightly kissing your neck and wrapping his hand around your waist. His warm breath caressing your neck, his hand roaming your body, slowly making its way lower and lower, down your front. He lightly swept his finger against your clothed clit, making you whine and squirm. You moved your hips forward, silently begging Oscar for more. He took the hint and slipped his hand under the front of your panties, inching his way towards where you needed him most. You were practically soaking, your thighs sticky with your slick. Oscar softly and slowly rubbed your clit with one finger, slightly teasing you. 

“Please Oscar, more. I need more.” you whined, attempting to somewhat grind against his hand. 

Who was he to deny his favorite girl? He then moved his hand further down, inserting a finger into your cunt, slowly pumping in and out. it felt good but you needed more, you needed to feel him. Oscar then inserted another finger and started pumping his fingers a bit faster. You could feel yourself hurtling towards your orgasm. Just a bit more and you were going to be there. You could feel your stomach turning and tightening at once. The string in your stomach was about to snap, you were so close you could taste it. The only sounds to be heard were your moans and the sound of his fingers pumping in and out of you. 

But you woke up, it was a fucking dream. Oscar had actually left early in the morning for work, but only having left you with a kiss on your head as you were fast asleep. 

You were now feeling all types of discomfort, and your panties were soaked through due to your dream. You knew if you tried to relieve yourself, it wouldn’t feel half as good as when Oscar does it, so you got up and spent the day waiting for him to come home. You spent most of the day absolutely feral due to your lack of an orgasmic high that you’ve been craving. Not only that but you were dead tired. And you were too horny and frustrated to take a nap to pass the time. Your eyes were itching for sleep, you could barely function. 

Oscar got home quite late. You were on the sofa, mindlessly watching a film when you heard his keys rustle in the doorway. You listened as he dropped his bag onto the ground, kicking his shoes off and taking his coat off before joining you on the sofa. With a huff, Oscar plopped onto the sofa. 

“Hi darling, how was your day?” you ask as you run your fingers through his unruly hair, making him let out a groan that makes the heat between your legs grow. 

“It was alright, Lando was Lando, and the social media team had us working overtime. I'm glad to finally be home though. I missed you.” he said, giving you a quick peck on the lips. (not the lips you wanted though 😗)

“I'm sorry darling, is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” you asked, itching to please him whilst pleasing yourself. 

“No, just be with me please.”

“How do you want me?” you asked seductively, moving to straddle him before he pushed your leg back.

“In bed. Asleep. Get your dark circles out of my face.”

“Bitch. I’m fucking horny.” 

“Okay? The bags under your eyes are so bad. You look like a raccoon, love.”

“Fuck me then i’ll sleep.”

Oscar moves too fast for your brain to register. One minute you’re sitting beside him on the sofa, the next you’re being pinned down by Oscar with your back on the floor.

“Alright then. Have it your way, brat.”

[whatifitis]

✅ -🍉

You’re one of my favorite people ever. Thank you!!!

I’ll rework it in a few hrs after I’ve had dinner

[whatifitis]

I’m still working on that Lewis fic amongst other things so in the meantime… would you guys be interested in a sort of angst fic (which was one of my first ever fics I wrote) I can rework it to suit a driver. Pls lmk or give me a sign that you would be interested in it 😁