whatisaghost

[whatisaghost]

why is being alive so exhausting. i have no purpose and i didn't ask to be here and i have to keep going every day? maybe the only thing that makes it worthwhile is having free will to enjoy the planet and the people and we have to go to work instead? even being unwell and being disabled is work cause the support is so inaccessible. everyone i know is exhausted and getting hurt at work and dying before retirement and it's beyond depressing it just makes me want to roll over and kill myself cause i can't fathom ever being okay with it and i'm so tired i don't know what to do to change it or where to source the smallest joy to keep me going to try and make a difference. isn't that so sad like being alive is the only thing we get given and we built a way to waste it all for the sake of money. what is the point of this life if nobody gets to live it

[whatisaghost]

warm winter tones

[whatisaghost]

Omar Sakr, Non-Essential Work

[whatisaghost]

Dog Years

by Michael Bazzett

We’re all aware that when we are walking the dog, and he spends an hour lovingly sniffing posts and tufts, and we then return home and his tongue hangs from his panting mouth,

that somehow seven hours have passed for him, which means that, allotting time for grieving, our lives consist of maybe five dogs, and when we clutch the slack skin behind a puppy’s ear, when

we gather up that impossibly soft coat into our fists, part of the stabbing intensity of our grip comes from grief. Right there. Even as that soft pink tongue is licking you. But what we do not

consider often enough is that old-growth maples peer down at us in the same way, bewildered by how soon we are gone, how little we grasp while we’re here, at our odd rootless ways of love.

[whatisaghost]

beauty standards are so fucked up what happened to i love your body because it's you. what then.

[whatisaghost]

the first anniversary of dad up and dying without warning and it's really odd seeing everyone's summaries of the year. 2023 just didn't happen for me. i did do some things yes but the vast majority of it was dominated by bereavement paperwork and the other complications of a sudden and unexpected death. a whole year of my life, gone. on top of the 3 years of pandemic. i just haven't lived a single minute of my 20s with any kind of carefree unrestricted joy. i broke my phone this summer too so i lost 3 months of photos and genuinely have minimal clue what else i did aside be on hold during that time. i want to make some kind of grand proclamation for what i want out of this year but i'm afraid to jinx it. i'm scared all the time. everyone in my family is getting old and getting sick and i'm so on edge always. i don't want to go through this again anytime soon. i'd like to live for myself for a little bit. spend a day without becoming aware of how hard my heart just started beating or how sharp my last breath in was. i didn't want much from 2023 and it took everything away from me anyways. (well, not everything, it could always get worse and i know that and i live in fear of it. but it sure did erase an entire calendar year just like that.) and now i just have to keep going, carrying this dread, every day, forever.

[whatisaghost]

its very strange and maybe a bit hypocritical of me but for someone that spent years comforted by the idea that i'll die someday and actually wanting that to happen, its weird being on the other side of the veil and crying over how unfair it is that other people can leave. it does also make me feel a bit selfish for wanting to die for so long, knowing what it feels like now having lost someone. you dont really ever stop wanting them back

[whatisaghost]

Summer Awad, “Syllogism for Palestinian Grief”

[whatisaghost]

Early winter

Small Town Tokyo Himonya

[whatisaghost]

via

[whatisaghost]

ANDREW KANE

[whatisaghost]

四日市  by  Kazushige Tanase

[whatisaghost]

[whatisaghost]

2 for 2 on the only major losses in my life being sudden and largely unexplained so sorry if im acting a little funky its cause ive suddenly become crushingly aware that everyone i know will die and could kick the bucket tomorrow for literally no reason at all

[whatisaghost]

forgive yourself again and again and again and again and again

[whatisaghost]

Alice Te Punga Somerville, Always Italicise: How to Write While Colonised - Kupu rere kē

[whatisaghost]

some film photos :-P