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[whatwouldsylwrite]

New chapter is out <3

At least I got you in my head (7)

(6)

Summary: Abby is straight. And then you move in with her.

Tags: modern au, fem!reader, straight!abby (she is doing some comphet bullshit), pining, idiot in love and it's abby, reader is gay and tired.

Notes: Fighting, crying, sexual themes (masturbation), angst. A little bit of fluff for Caitvi, Abby and her logical conclusions, reader and her delusions. Ellie saves the day again by being a gay Gandalf. I promise it will get better.

Taglist: @abbyily @lillysbigwilly @gravygranules @blairfox04 @frogtits1 @ccinnamongrl @ninazenuk @urmomsgirlfriend1 @sunkissedbibi @couchgarbage @nil-eena @inlovewithelliewilliams @st4rluvrr @mai5mai @machetegirl109 @azelmawrites @zootedhoe @rhae-blackqueen @vea-vea-vea @mnim58e @chubeline @strgrlxox @chrry1ovr @littletinyladybugs @shaemonyou @luvrmunson (if you want me to tag/untag you for the whole series dm me please)

!!! If you messaged me after pt6 to be tagged and you're not on the list - dm me again please, I've lost access to dms/asks on @whatwouldsylwrite !!!

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Abby spent the day at Ellie's as they lived through their hangover: whose idea was to switch to vodka stayed unknown, but the result made them stay in Ellie's uncomfortable bed until 3pm.

Then Dina brought them some anti hangover meds and a bunch of mcdonalds, and by 5pm Abby felt good enough to go home.

Abby felt good and a little scared: she understood the realisation she was gay was only the first step, but when she walked through the aisles of the grocery shop to find your strange tasting snacks, she looked at women more openly. She still had to remind herself it was okay to glance at a girl and think she was pretty, but it was already so different to the guilt she felt before.

Abby wasn't sure if she wanted to tell you yet, still digesting it and coming to terms with it herself, but Abby felt like now she should feel okay with enjoying your touch, and then she could work her way up to telling you that she wasn't, in fact, straight.

Abby made her way to your apartment and opened the door just to get surprised when she saw Vi in your hallway.

"Hi." Abby said politely. Vi was putting her coat on, and her shirt rode up. Abby noticed hickeys on her abs, but she didn't pay attention to it: Vi slept around, and you told Abby before you had a new student, so Abby came to the most logical conclusion. "Is (y/n) tutoring you?"

Abby was curious what you were teaching and she meant to ask Vi about it, but then Vi smirked like there was a double meaning in Abby's words.

"Yeah, you can say that." Abby's mood went from curious to furious in a millisecond. She figured those hickeys were your work too, and it was a pity Vi wasn't in her weight category so Abby would be able to turn her into mush. "I saw your fight last week, it was so good." Vi moved to the door, ready to leave, and Abby gave her space.

"Yeah. Maybe you should spend more time training instead of fucking my roommate and you might win some day too. Bye." Abby said as she loudly closed the door right in front of Vi's confused face. "Fucking bitch."

Abby took her coat off and turned around to face you. You stood in the hallway in your usual home clothes and your mouth was slightly open in shock as you frowned.

"What the fuck was that?" You asked and Abby got annoyed immediately. What, you cared about your little fuckbuddy? Boo hoo, big bad Abby was mean to the girl who fucked you, what a tragedy.

"I just told the truth." Abby shrugged and pushed past you to the living room. She wanted you to fucking leave her alone, but it didn't seem like you would, because you followed her.

"You were rude as fuck." You huffed and crossed your arms, pissing Abby off even more. "Vi was polite to you."

That fucking intonation of yours. The teacher intonation she heard multiple times when you scolded your students.

"Nothing is stopping you from running after her, (y/n)." Abby mocked a surprise. "I bet she'd appreciate some comfort." Abby said under her breath, not able to stop herself. No, not able. She didn't want to stop herself.

"What the fuck, Abby?" Now you sounded genuinely upset and Abby couldn't give more fucks about it. She wanted to call you a crybaby, but some shreds of dignity didn't let her. "I was nice to Owen when you brought him, even though we didn't have a rule for it."

Oh great. You brought Owen up and Abby exploded inside, getting mad at you: you didn't even know what that situation meant for Abby now. How her guilt for liking your touch pushed her into drunken sex with someone she wasn't even attracted to.

"It was one time." Abby growled. "And I didn't think I'd open a brothel by agreeing to that rule."

The hurt looked good on you, Abby decided, when she watched your lips turn into a thin line. But then you frowned, pissed off as well.

"Well sorry for not upholding your good Christian beliefs." You said angrily. "I won't bring anyone anymore if it upsets you so much." You spat.

Abby stared at you and felt the poison filling her voice cords. Without knowing you hit where it hurt the most - the turmoil of previous days: how Abby was worried she wasn’t nice to you anymore, how it fucking tortured her to touch you, how she basically hated herself for having such traditional beliefs when you were such a good person.   

"You can fuck whoever you want, I don't give a fuck. Only I thought people paid you for lessons and not for sex." Abby said, too impersonal.  

Your eyes went wide with shock and hurt, and Abby was happy. Low blow for a low blow, she decided with sadistic pleasure.

"Fuck you, Abby." You spat in a tense voice. "I'm going to stay somewhere else and you figure your shit out, because we both know what this all is about."

That made Abby’s hands shake and heart beat faster. What did you mean? Did you notice? Did you know? Did she make you uncomfortable? Was it why you always asked before touching her? To give her an example because she was creepy?

"What are you even talking about?" Abby asked, now scared to be found out like this, in a fucking fight. Abby followed you as you packed your things, her anger mixing with anxiety. “Where are you going? It’s snowing outside, are you insane?”

“Fuck off, Abby.” You asked and she heard the tears in your voice. You didn’t look at her, but the way you touched your cheeks told Abby you were definitely crying.

Fuck-

Whatever.

Abby huffed and left you alone, just to hear the front door close behind you.

You wiped your tears and swallowed, trying to get a hold of yourself and fucking calm down.

Fuck Abby and her fucking issues, how could she even say that shit to you? It wasn't even that she implied you were a sex worker, it was the disgust and contempt in her tone when she implied it. As if having sex made you lesser than her.

You went outside and looked around for Vi's car: she always took time to warm up her car because it was old and you hoped you'd see her there. And there she was, scrolling on her phone while the engine of her car screamed in pain.

You knocked on her window and she immediately looked worried when she saw what state you were in. Vi motioned you to get in and you got in the passenger seat.

"What happened?" Vi asked and tried to get a look at you, but you only looked straight, refusing to be that vulnerable over a fucking straight girl.

"We fought. I'm sorry she was so rude to you."

"Usual trash talk, I've heard worse. Don't stress." Vi finally made you look at her and she wiped your tears from your cheeks gently. You got angry again - what kind of shit Vi had to hear before? How many people you needed to fuck up?

"Can you take me to my friend? I'll give the address."

"Yeah, no problem. Buckle up."

You nodded and buckled up while giving Vi Cait's address. Then you opened your messages and texted her.

to: Cait

Are you home?

I'm coming over

10 minutes

from: Cait

I'm in the shop, but I'll be there just in time

Wait for me

to: Cait

Ok

Thanks

The ride was quiet. Vi was shy to ask you anything and you didn't have energy or desire to talk about it. Abby had issues and those issues were taken out on you. You didn't deserve to be treated like this, but also you couldn't help but to forgive Abby already - yeah, she had issues, but you also weren't a saint.

You should have known better than to exploit Abby's kindness like this, bringing girl after girl to your place - you made sure it happened when Abby wasn't home, or if she was, you'd be as quiet as possible. But still, not all people would be comfortable with sharing their living space with strangers, and you really brought a girl every week, not counting the times Vi was over - though it was always when Abby wasn't home. You were selfish and Abby finally exploded.

Still, you couldn't be near Abby because her words hurt nonetheless. She still said those things and even if you were at fault, it didn't minimise your pain.

She called you a slut to your fucking face and thought she was so morally superior she had the right to look down on you. The whole situation could have been resolved differently, should you've been more thoughtful.

But you wanted to get over Abby so hard you acted like an idiot and Abby had all the rights to be mad at you for- yeah, turning your place into a brothel.

"Abby is your straight girl, isn't she?" Vi asked carefully, breaking the silence in the car. The only sound before that were windshields that kept the snow off.

"Yeah." You admitted. "Yes, Abby is my straight girl." You chuckled sadly. "The best of the best and the worst of the worst."

"That's fucking tough." Vi said sympathetically.

"You have no idea."

Her touch, her sweetness, her care, her protectiveness, everything that drove you crazy.

Come on, come here, she'd say to you after a busy day, and you, an utter idiot, would go and cuddle with her, laying on top of her chest while she'd play with your hair. She'd remind you of things you'd easily forget - Abby knew your schedule better than you did. (You can't tutor at 2pm, you have classes; you're out of your tea, I'll get it for you later; no we can't stay and watch a movie, you have to wake up at like, 7). You were so in love with her it was hopeless and it hurt so much.

You looked out of the window and tried to swallow your tears. You didn't want Vi to see you like this and deal with this version of you when your relationship wasn't supposed to be closer than a hookup. But Vi was a good person and she held your thigh the whole ride to comfort you while you desperately tried to keep your breath steady as you cried.

Vi parked her car near Cait's home and decided to stay with you and wait for her - she didn't want to leave you in this state, red eyed and upset, in the god awful weather. Caitlyn showed up almost immediately just as she promised, and you smiled sadly at her when she approached with a bag from the closest grocery shop. She frowned when she noticed your mood, but didn’t ask anything right away.

"Hi." Cait said to both of you and you looked at Vi when she didn't say anything in return.

Vi was staring at Caitlyn in shock, and the wheels in your head started to turn.

"This is Vi." You helped her and Vi snapped out of it and nodded.

"We are in the same philosophy class, right?" Caitlyn asked politely, but a little cold, the signature sign of her mother whose words were soft but her face was unwelcoming. Caitlyn had it too, but it came from her social awkwardness and posh background, not from ill intentions.

Oh. Oh. You fought the smile. Caitlyn was Vi's rich girl.

"Y-yeah." Vi managed to say. "I've missed a lot though."

"I've noticed." Caitlyn was serious and you were scared Vi would collapse. "I liked your comments."

That was the highest compliment Caitlyn could say to someone, and after tutoring Vi you knew she had interesting takes due to her life experience, so Caitlyn's words were not just polite talk - she genuinely liked it.

"Th-thanks." Vi blushed. "I like yours too."

Caitlyn smiled politely and you knew it was time to go.

"Thank you, Vi. We better be going." You said and hugged her goodbye.

��It was nice to meet you, Vi.” Caitlyn said and Vi blushed again, nervous.

“Yeah, you too.”

And then Vi quickly left, too embarrassed, and your mood got a little better. Yeah, your life right now majorly sucked, but at least now you could help Vi with her girl.

The walk to Cait’s apartment was silent, just as getting undressed. Caitlyn put her groceries on the kitchen table and turned on the kettle while you sat on the couch. She wasn’t rushing anywhere and you appreciated it because it gave you time to actually organise your thoughts.

“Did something happen?” Caitlyn asked finally, when she gave you the hot cup of tea. You wrapped your hands around it to ground yourself and sighed.

“Abby and I fought. She saw Vi leaving, connected the dots and got mad at me for bringing girls over.” You said, embarrassed. “I mean, she is right, but she said some nasty shit to me.”

“..But you had an arrangement.” Caitlyn pointed out while she was putting her groceries away, always so neat and organised. “She gave you the green light.”

“Well, sometimes this amount of gay is too gay, I guess. Maybe she wasn’t comfortable with this part. Maybe if I liked guys and brought guys over she’d have been more cool.” You shrugged and drank your tea.

“This is bullshit.” Caitlyn huffed and looked at you over her fridge's door. “Let me get this straight - don’t you dare make a gay joke, (y/n) - she saw Vi and went berserk on you?”

“And on Vi too.”

“From what you’ve told me, Abby doesn’t seem like a person who gets emotional over discomfort you might have caused her. Don’t you think she would have talked to you about it right away?” Cait finally sat opposite of you with her espresso.

“What are you trying to say?”

“Well, clearly meeting someone who was in bed with you caused a deeply emotional response in her. She is jealous.”

“She is straight.”

“She is not and you’re being a coward by not admitting it. I understand it’s easier to convince yourself than actually go and talk to her about your feelings, but this forced blindness looks like an insult to your emotional intelligence.” Caitlyn said passionately as she frowned at you.

You swallowed, ashamed - yes, deep inside you knew Caitlyn was right all along - Abby wasn’t straight. But you were too afraid to confess and risk your heart - you’ve never felt like this about someone before. It didn’t feel like butterflies and childish excitement, like something light and pure and fast as summer. No, it felt solid and right and so grounded in reality. It felt like she is the one type of love, and you were terrified of ruining it and not having Abby in your life at all. Like this at least you had her in your head, not risking anything and pretending you could get over her eventually.

But if you were fully honest with yourself you'd admit Abby was the type of love you'd never get over and never forget, the type that would leave you with an ache so deep your hurt would become a constant for the rest of your life.

“I’m so in love with her, Cait.” You said in a tense voice and the dam finally broke.

You sobbed in Caitlyn’s kitchen at 8pm in the evening as she hugged you and kept telling you it'd be alright, but you didn't dare to believe her.

You were too hurt to hope. 

Abby couldn't find a place for herself since you left. She tried so hard to stop thinking about what happened, but the anxiety made her nauseous. Abby was miserable. Her anger calmed down and the reality settled in: she regretted every fucking word that left her stupid mouth.

She even regretted being mean to Vi. Well. Almost. She was still angry at her for having audacity to fuck you.

Abby missed you. She wanted to call you and say sorry, but what was she going to say? Sorry I've been a bitch? You deserved better. Besides, "figure your shit out" probably meant more self-reflection than that.

Did you mean it in the sense that Abby had anger issues or because you saw right through her and knew where her anger came from? Was the fact she wasn't straight so obvious to everyone else? (Honestly, I suspected that before, Ellie said at 3am in the morning when they were super drunk, you have the gay aura). Abby didn't know what she meant by gay aura, but you probably knew and felt it.

Did you know Abby got jealous? Did you notice her feelings before she even realised them? Maybe that was why you were so careful with her? Cautious, even. Fuck, Abby felt like her head was going to explode with these thoughts.

Abby liked you. She liked you so much the thought of you not coming back caused physical pain in her chest, and she had no idea what to do, she's never felt so paralyzed in her life when it came to feelings. Before you it was pretty cut and dry, she never even felt so much, but now it was confusing.

Abby's desperation came to its peak when she remembered your t-shirt was in the bathroom, as always. That thought didn't leave her head even for a second - it was screaming at her to go and put it on as if feeling your scent would comfort her and make her feel safe.

So Abby refused to feel embarrassed or try to reason why it wasn't creepy at all and went to the bathroom. She took her shirt off and put yours on quickly, before she'd change her mind.

Spice and mint, so familiar and so soothing as if you were in her arms again. Abby squeezed the material in her fingers to feel it and inhaled again. Fuck.

Abby went back to the living room and laid on the couch, convincing herself to maybe play a video game to get her mind off you, but she just didn't feel like it. She just turned the TV on to make some kind of white noise, but her thoughts were not leaving her.

Your scent made her hands itch. Abby wanted to hug you like you always did on Thursdays, when you'd fall asleep and Abby would carry you to your room.

Have you thought of her in that way?

Has she?

Ellie's question echoed through her head. Abby thought it would be hard to even imagine - she now knew she liked you, but would she want to be close with you? What if she was confusing her romantic interest and her love for you as a friend? What if she'd get weirded out by the idea of being intimate with you because well, you were a girl?

Have you thought of her in that way?

But suddenly there was a picture of you leaving hickeys on her abs, looking at her through your eyelashes as your warm lips would touch her skin. Abby sighed, shocked at how easy it was and how much it turned her on, the fantasy was so real it made her press her thighs together to relieve the sweet pain between her legs.

If Abby just closed her eyes she could pretend you were there with her and she was smelling your scent on your skin instead of your t-shirt, and it was your hand that was now under the waistband of her pants.

Were you going down on Vi when you left those hickeys on her?

Would you go down on her?

Abby's face was hot, her whole body was hot, she was breathing so fast as her fingers circled her clit.

Fuck, never in her life she's been so turned on, her lower stomach was already tight, ready to break loose and drown Abby in pleasure.

Abby buried her nose deeper in your t-shirt.

Would you talk to her while you'd fuck her? Would you tell her to cum for you? Because she definitely would, the second your warm lips would touch her ear and you'd say in your quiet raspy voice, "cum for me, baby".

"Fuck!" Abby sobbed and came so hard the world stopped existing for a moment.

Abby opened her eyes, coming down from her high and taking her soaked hand out of her pants. She wiped her hand on her pants and stared at the ceiling.

She just got off on you. Fucking hell, she just got off on you what was wrong with her?

to: els

can you come over?

I fucked up

from: els

Bro wtf

omw

Abby went to the bathroom to wash her hands, her thoughts reeling, her feelings jumping from anxiety to shame to arousal as she replayed the fantasy without even wanting to - it just flashed before her eyes. She didn't mean to- it felt wrong, to use your image like this.

Abby washed her face and chuckled - well, at least now she knew she wasn't weirded out by gay sex. And yesterday she thought she was a homophobe, so that was a major improvement in character. Try to find a bright side, right?

Finally the bell rang and Abby woke up from her brain mush and went to open the door. Ellie came in, clearly sleepy and still puffy from the hangover - she could say whatever she wanted but the girl was a lightweight and should not have tried to match Abby.

"What happened?" Ellie looked at the clothing rack. "Is (y/n) home?"

"No." Abby's heart stopped for a second. "I don't know where she is."

"Another hookup?"

Abby flinched and Ellie looked at her a little longer: she was on the verge of tears.

"Abby, what happened?"

"I came home and Vi was here and I told her she should train more instead of fucking my roommate." Abby's voice started shaking as she tried to keep her tears at bay. "Then (y/n) got mad and I got mad and I said that she turned our place into a brothel. She told me to fuck off and left." The last words Abby said in a tiny voice and she finally broke. "Ellie, what do I do?"

"Woah-woah." Ellie hugged Abby and patted her head. "Okay. Okay, let's go sit and then we'll talk."

Abby calmed herself down while Ellie went to the kitchen and took two beers out of the fridge. She opened them with her bare hands and handed one to Abby as she sat down next to her on the floor.

"So you got super jealous and called her a slut." Ellie summarised.

"Yeah. I also jerked off to her scent." Ellie snorted.

"You're a mess."

"I know. Yesterday I just realised I'm a lesbian and today this shit happened. I'm so fucking confused."

"Do you like her?"

"Obviously." She deadpanned. "I've never-" Abby huffed, frustrated she even had to admit it. "I've never got off on a fantasy about someone, I feel like that's enough of a sign."

"Okay. So you fucked up. And you like her." Ellie summarised again. "I say you need to take a day and just digest this, sort yourself out, you know? And then apologise and confess."

Ellie sounded perfectly reasonable until the last part. Did Ellie forget about the part how a) it'd hurt when Abby would get rejected b) it'd become weird living together because it would c) Abby would lose you?

"Are you insane? I'll ruin everything." Abby rolled her eyes and took a swig of her beer, not feeling optimistic.

"Okay, bitch, listen. Right now she thinks you hate her and judge her and I don't know, that you'd kick her out because you're a judgmental prude. It's already fucking ruined." Abby's chest hurt at these words. She was such an asshole to you. "So you can fix it. At least she'll know she didn't do anything wrong. Right now you're hurting you both. Yeah, maybe she doesn't like you, but I have a feeling that she does."

"How can you possibly know that?" Abby asked, sceptical. I have a feeling wasn't enough to risk it all and get her heart broken.

"All her girls are built like tanks and most of them are blonde."

"That's her type." Abby shrugged.

"Then you're her fucking type, dumbass. I also tried to make a move on her during your fight in October and she didn't fucking notice it because she was staring at you the whole time. She probably noticed, actually, but she ignored me because you were there in your slutty uniform. Maybe if she doesn't like you yet, she'll still give you a chance. Anyway, what's the alternative? Pining after her like an idiot and not shooting your shot? That's stupid. Either case you can lose her." 

Abby nodded, thinking about Ellie's words, but still not convinced. 

"Or, what if she likes you? What if you say nothing and suffer just to find out a few years later your feelings were mutual? 'Oh yeah, I liked you back then' how would that feel?"

Abby stared at Ellie as if she just got slapped in the face. That felt even more awful than getting rejected: what if she did have a chance with you? What if her confession would open this possibility? What if the only reason why you wouldn't see her like that would be because you thought she was straight?  

“Yeah, okay. I need to think about it.” Abby said, too tired of the emotional rollercoaster of the last two days. 

That night Abby slept clinging to your t-shirt, dreaming of you in her bed.

[whatwouldsylwrite]

I'm moving

Shandowban made me finally move to a new acc @lizzieisright

I wanted to do this for a very long time because this is a secondary blog, so my options are limited here and it was super annoying, and I guess I just needed the last push to finally do it.

So the next chapter of Atligyimh is going to be posted on a new account (can't say when, mb on the weekend). Also I'll repost the last smut there and delete it from here (sorry guys).

So if you see my posts under the new url - don't worry, it's me!

Also, if you dmed me about the taglist after chapter 6 came out/or I missed your url before - please dm me again on @lizzieisright, because I don't have access to my dms here and I won't be able to tag you.

This blog is going to be an archive from now on.

[whatwouldsylwrite]

So turned out I'm shadowbanned for the time being 🙃

I can't access dms anywhere (this is a secondary blog), my asks don't show, posts don't show in the tag and my blog doesn't turn up if you search for it.

So if you dm me I won't see your messages, sorry. :(

I've contacted support but from what I've seen it's going to take a while to fix it.

Anyway, the smut is going to be up in 15 minutes. 🥳

[whatwouldsylwrite]

Tumblr is at it again (doesn't work) I'll post smut tomorrow, sorry guys :(

[whatwouldsylwrite]

now that you teased it, its your duty to publish it 😏

No, seriously, I'd love to read it! 🤍

Yup, you're right. 😄

unfortunately I won't be home for six hours to post it 🙃

[whatwouldsylwrite]

Minors DNI

Just hypothetically... If I wrote 3k words worth of porn with dom!reader/sub!abby would you guys want to read it or should I leave it to collect dust in my google docs?

[whatwouldsylwrite]

At least I got you in my head (6)

(5)

Summary: Abby is straight. And then you move in with her.

Tags: modern au, fem!reader, straight!abby (she is doing some comphet bullshit), pining, idiot in love and it's abby, reader is gay and tired.

Notes: Abby is stupid, but she finally says goodbye to Aslan and leaves Narnia! Let's say a big thank you to Ellie for being the bestest friend ever. You're just chilling with Vi, this chapter is mostly Abby-centric because oh boy she overthinks. Four-eyed girl/blonde bitch is Kara Danvers.

Taglist: @abbyily @lillysbigwilly @gravygranules @blairfox04 @frogtits1 @ccinnamongrl @ninazenuk @urmomsgirlfriend1 @sunkissedbibi @couchgarbage @nil-eena @inlovewithelliewilliams @st4rluvrr @mai5mai @machetegirl109 @azelmawrites @zootedhoe @rhae-blackqueen @vea-vea-vea @mnim58e @chubeline @strgrlxox @chrry1ovr (if you want me to tag/untag you for the whole series dm me please)

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Abby had a problem.

It’s been two weeks since you brought that blonde four-eyed girl home, and Abby had a problem.

Because you brought another girl again a week ago, and it didn’t make Abby feel any better.

In fact, she only got angrier and felt even more disgust than before. And it was bothering her, because you yourself weren't disgusting at all, the best roommate and a good friend, and she loved spending time with you as always, but there was one thing that made her uneasy.

The gay thing. The thing where you had sex with girls. Abby was absolutely fine with you at any other moment, but when she saw that blonde bitch kissing you goodbye she almost puked.

So Abby came to the most logical conclusion: she was homophobic. This revelation made her heart stop as she became more afraid of herself - she'd never say she was a homophobe, her best friend was a lesbian, it just didn't make sense! But Abby never heard Ellie have sex and never saw her hookups after, so she just didn't have a trigger to figure out how much gay was too much for her. She could listen to Ellie talking about her new girl no problem, but that was probably it. And they never lived together, so Abby couldn't say if she'd be okay if Ellie would bring girls over, so.

Abby was deeply ashamed of herself, but she had to admit it.

She wasn't okay with the fact that you were a lesbian.

To make things worse, Abby remembered how you told her you were a lesbian to make sure she was okay living with you, and she said yes, and how sad it made her that you had to clarify it right away because you probably had your fair share of homophobia in your life, and now Abby was not okay with it.

Fuck, she was like those shitty parents who said that they accepted their children as they were, but then pulled "keep it to yourself" on them. That was literally how Abby felt, because she wished you could go back to "normal" where she didn't know anything about your sex life.

When you didn't have a sex life.

"Did you finish your paper?" You asked on Tuesday morning as you brewed coffee for her, sleepy and tired, your hair a mess.

How could she live with herself now?

"Yeah." Abby said shortly, not looking at you, too ashamed.

"That's amazing." You yawned and put the plate with breakfast in front of her. "You'll have to wait for coffee, sorry."

Abby wanted to cry. You were so nice to her and she was a horrible fucking person who hated the fact that you were gay.

"It's okay."

"Are you feeling okay? You seem a little bit down." You looked sympathetic and worried, and it really hurt.

Abby chuckled, trying to act normal, but when she lifted her eyes the first thing she saw was a hickey on your collarbone and her stomach twisted in disgust.

"Just tired. Can't wait for the break." So she could go home and not see you. (So she could go home and miss you crazy)

"Are you going back home?"

"Yeah, all the way to Seattle. You?"

"I'll probably stay here. Or if Cait would have to go home, I'll go with her to keep her sane."

"Does her family celebrate Thanksgiving?"

"Not really, but social events are social events and if they need to show her off, they will."

"Tough."

"Are you sure you're okay? You can talk to me." You asked again, still worried and clearly not buying Abby's excuses.

Abby shook her head and smiled, knowing you'd read right through her.

"Nah, I'm fine. Don't worry your pretty head."

Besides, what would she tell you? That she despised your sexuality? That she wished you were straight? That she needed you to stop having sex and promise her you'd never get a girlfriend because it didn't align with her traditional beliefs? Yeah, what a great conversation it would be.

The lessons with Vi were very productive: you were sure she'd get an A on her test with how much progress she made in these few weeks. She tended to forget some things, but she was able to logic her way out of questions that she didn't remember the right answer to, and you felt confident in her abilities.

The sex was amazing too. Vi was really chill about a lot of things, very flexible and actually enjoyed it when you topped, which didn't happen often with girls you usually hooked up with. She was very sweet and so down to earth you started trusting her without even noticing it. You started having deep conversations after sex, sharing your secrets and problems, and you adored Vi.

"In a friendly way." You specified when you told her how much you appreciated her.

"I remember, don't worry." Vi laughed and stroked her bare thigh. "I'm not emotionally available either."

"Really? Spill." You got excited, happy to not be alone in the losers' boat.

"Only if you do too."

"Oh, no problem." You laughed. "I'm the worst gay stereotype. She is straight and I'm hopeless."

Vi's hand stopped on your thigh and she looked at you like you were insane.

"Are you stupid?"

"I am." You laughed and nuzzled on her shoulder. "My best friend thinks she is in the closet, but it doesn't really help, you know?"

"Yeah." Vi sighed and looked at the ceiling, contemplating your words, as her other arm pulled you closer. "I'm genuinely sorry, (y/n)."

"Yeah, me too." You took a pause, looking at the ceiling as well, still a little high after your last orgasm, but sadness was creeping out on you when you thought about Abby. "What about you?"

"I-uh. We share a class together, but I've never talked to her. She is very smart, like. Genius level."

"And I'm stupid?" You said, playfully offended. "Be brave, talk to her. Which class do you share?"

"The class I'm failing and you're tutoring me in. Not the great first impression. Plus, you know, what if I'm in love with a fantasy in my head? I don't know her."

"Go and talk to her, I swear to god. I can do it for you, if you want." You shrugged, not seeing any barriers in this situation. You were 100% hopeless, but Vi could still get her girl.

"It's pointless. She'd never give a chance to someone like me, we're from different worlds. Oil and water." Vi said, sad and given up, and you felt angry on her behalf: what was so special about this girl that Vi didn't even want to try?

"What do you mean?"

"She is rich. And I'm an orphan who can barely pay rent and have a baby sister to support."

"If it's a problem for her, she is an asshole and doesn't deserve you anyway." You huffed. "But yeah, I know what you're saying. Privilege is something you can't really ignore."

Vi hummed and you kissed her shoulder just to show you were there for her. You knew what Vi was talking about firsthand: Caitlyn really had to learn a lot when you became friends, since you had to financially support yourself the whole time and couldn't afford hanging out in places Cait used to hang out. She was confused when her expensive gifts offended you and she looked so terrified when you brought her to eat street food and there were no textile napkins. It was hilarious but it was also a harsh reminder of what privilege looked like.

Now she was way down to earth and ate pizza with her hands while sitting on the ground, changed her whole friend circle and yeah, she was still wearing a lot of expensive things, but she knew her privilege and never looked down at anyone, almost embarrassed she had it better. Which was a good look on her, honestly - she wasn't responsible for her family's wealth, but she was still responsible for herself and you felt comforted knowing she held herself accountable. Caitlyn was good, and you hoped Vi's girl would be even better to her.

Or you'd have to hunt her down and kill her, because Vi was precious.

On Thursday you had your usual cuddle time and Abby never felt more guilty in her life as she once again held you in her arms and enjoyed it. She couldn't keep her hands off you no matter how hard she tried, and she didn't want to distance herself from you and make you feel guilty - she knew you would since you always confirmed if Abby was okay with being touched. It didn't seem fair to still cuddle you and bask in your warmth and softness when she had this nasty feeling inside her. If before that she felt like she was using you because she was touch-starved, now not only she was using you because she was touch-starved, she actually had the audacity to be disgusted when she thought where your hands might have been.

Where your mouth might have been.

Abby noticed she was looking at your mouth a lot, and she was mad at herself because instead of trying to block those awful thoughts and avoid possible triggers she only instigated them by looking at your mouth for no reason at all.

Abby was slowly going insane and she really needed to discuss it with someone who wouldn’t judge her, because it wasn’t her proudest moment. She felt like the worst person in the world for being the way she was, but she just couldn’t get over herself. So instead of going home on Friday night Abby went over to Ellie’s place.

She was afraid to bring this up with Ellie too, because if she was homophobic it meant Ellie was under fire too and Abby wanted to cry from how bad she felt. They have been friends since they were children and Abby was the first person Ellie came out to and now Abby felt like she might ruin something between them and betray Ellie's trust.

Ellie noticed something was up with her and Abby already saw her stubborn frown that meant she wouldn't get away without talking to her.

"What's up with you? You look like a kicked puppy." Ellie took a swig of her beer as she observed Abby, trying to read her non-verbals.

"I've discovered something about myself I'm not really proud of." Abby admitted and Ellie nodded knowingly as if she already knew what Abby was going to say. Fuck, was she micro-homophobic to Ellie before? Was it something noticeable? Did she hurt Ellie? "I'm a homophobe."

The knowing look on Ellie's face changed to shock as her eyes grew in size and her mouth fell open.

"You're what." Ellie asked carefully as if Abby was an angry animal who needed to be calmed down.

"I'm sorry." Abby said immediately. "I know it sounds ridiculous since you're my best friend but hear me out."

“..Okay.”

“Fuck, it’s so awful.” Abby started, ashamed of herself. “A few weeks ago (y/n) and I discussed  bringing people over and she started bringing girls. And I thought I'd be okay with it, but I'm just. So disgusted. I literally want to throw up.” Abby looked at Ellie, ready to accept her reaction, no matter what it would be, but Ellie only stared at her, confused.

"That's why you think you're a homophobe?"

"Yes. Because I'm only like that when she brings girls over. She is the best roommate I've ever had, but I'm not fine with her being gay."

"Are you fine with me being gay?" Ellie asked, still confused, and Abby felt the guilt wash over her.

"I don't know anymore. You didn't have sex in the same apartment with me, so I have no evidence. I think I'm fine if you keep it to yourself?" Why was she like this? This was her best friend and she was a total asshole to her right now.

Ellie sat straight and leaned to Abby as if she wanted to say something important.

"Abby. Abigail. You went to lesbian bars with me. You saw me making out. You were hit on a million times by other women. I never kept it to myself with you." Ellie waited until Abby took it in. "I'll prove it to you."

Ellie stood up and went to the door to her room, opening it halfway and sticking her head out.

"Dina! Can you come here?"

Ellie's roommate came into the room a few moments later and Abby was confused as fuck - did they need a whole council to decide Abby's fate or what?

"Abby here thinks she is a homophobe. Can you make out with me in front of her?"

Abby couldn't help but laugh in surprise, her affection for Ellie's stupid ideas lifting her mood a little. Dina laughed too and shrugged, sitting next to Ellie on the opposite side of Abby.

"Pda is generally uncomfortable, you know." Dina said to Ellie, seemingly thinking her idea was stupid too, but still rolling with it.

"Well, you tell us Abby if it's generally uncomfortable or you want us to burn in hell." Ellie murmured in Dina's lips before she kissed her.

Abby felt her breath hitch as she watched them making out and it was even more embarrassing - she didn't feel disgust, no. She felt- She felt-

Abby was terrified to give a name to this feeling, suddenly ashamed of what she felt as she watched her best friend making out with another girl, but her chest fluttered and her heart was beating faster. She felt an ache between her legs and it was even more embarrassing - was she- was she fetishizing her best friend? Was she that deranged?

"So, do you want to throw up?" Ellie asked, panting, as she moved her hands away from Dina's face.

"No." What Abby actually wanted was a very different thing. "I mean- no. I'm fine. You both are pretty, so."

Ellie and Dina shared a look between them, and if Abby paid attention she'd know their looks said "this bitch is stupid".

"Am I fetishizing you right now?" Abby asked, genuinely confused.

"I can't believe this shit." Ellie said, exasperated. "You're not. Abby, you're not a homophobe, okay?"

"I'm gonna go, I have shit to do. Good luck with the identity crisis, Abby." Dina said and left Ellie's room to give them privacy, knowing it was a conversation she shouldn't be a part of.

"But if I saw (y/n) like this I'd definitely puke. I almost did." Abby countered, still confused.

"So you're saying you only have this reaction to (y/n)?"

"I think so. How many lesbians do you think are having sex in my apartment?"

"Well, considering (y/n)'s body count, I'd say a lot."

Abby frowned in anger and Ellie caught it, coming up with a different reason.

"Maybe you're just uncomfortable with her having sex at your place. Would you care if she didn't bring those girls home but fucked them somewhere else?"

Abby went silent as she imagined that, but Ellie interrupted her fantasy where she was totally cool with you sleeping around outside your place.

"Because I know she stayed over at other people's places."

The cocktail of her awful emotions came back full force and the fantasy where Abby was okay with it was in ruins, replaced with fury - she didn't know that and it made her fucking mad.

"How do you know that?"

"Gossip." Ellie said shortly. "So, do you care if she fucks somewhere else?"

Oh, Abby wanted to lie so bad. She wanted to pretend the whole issue was just about your sex life on her doorstep, but she was tired of feeling like this. She was tired of getting angry at you for nothing and she just wanted everything to be back to normal.

"I do."

"Okay." Ellie sighed. "I'm going to say something, okay?"

Abby nodded, apprehensive.

"You're jealous, Abby."

"Nah, I had Owen, remember? I'm not worried about having less sex." Abby said, relieved: she already thought of this and figured out it wasn't about who had more sex in your apartment.

"No, Abs. You're jealous of all those girls who fuck her."

"That… doesn't make sense." Abby laughed nervously, suddenly filled with desire to hide from Ellie and her words.

"Dude, being homophobic to one person doesn't make sense either, since a) I'm your best friend and I'm a lesbian b) you didn't punch me when I told you I had a crush on you-"

"That was so embarrassing why would you bring it up-"

"And c) you literally punch homophobes in their face."

"I'm not gay." Abby said stubbornly. Yes she did punch some homophobes in her life, but it didn't make her a lesbian. She didn't like girls! She wasn't like that!

"I didn't say that." Ellie chuckled like she caught Abby on something. "But the thought that you're homophobic is ridiculous."

It was ridiculous. Oh god. Abby felt so stupid right now - what kind of mental gymnastics was she doing? And she was so sure of it too, it really seemed logical and sensible. But if she wasn't homophobic, she didn't care where you had sex (she only cared that you had sex at all), what was her problem?

"Have you ever thought of her in that way?" Ellie asked.

"Why would I?" Abby asked, suddenly defensive.

"Why would it be so wrong if you liked girls?"

That question broke Abby's brains. She stared at Ellie for a few seconds, not even comprehending her words. Indeed, why would it be so wrong? There was nothing wrong with liking girls, why didn't she want to even entertain the idea? Why did she push this "husband two and a half kids dog" agenda on herself? 

"Am I fucking-" Abby was shocked as thoughts ran through her head at light speed. "Am I homophobic to myself?"

"This feels like therapy, I swear." Ellie chuckled. "Dude, if you feel guilty for liking girls then yes, you're homophobic to yourself."

"I just-" Abby looked at her own hands, still shocked. "I didn't think I was allowed." 

"Well, as the president of lesbians I'm giving you permission to like girls. How does it feel?"

"Like you're stupid and I'm even more stupid." Abby deadpanned. "This is-"

So many things started to make sense: the way Abby always tried not to stare at other girls, how she preferred softness to hardness, "all girls are pretty", how she never bothered with boys because they didn't strike much interest and ran to girls instead because they were just better-

(How she stared at Caitlyn's tits)

"I'm not straight." Abby said and laughed. "And I'm so stupid."

Ellie laughed and nodded. She was happy for Abby, even if she was an utter idiot. 

"Homophobic my ass." Ellie thought as they clicked their bottles. "Congratulations on liking pussy, Abs."

Abby laughed, a little embarrassed, but she felt so light in that moment, finally free of years of guilt for looking at girls for too long. It also explained why didn't look at you when you were just out of the shower - she was just gay and scared. 

For some reason the conversation changed and they never got back to why you were Abby's "favourite", too overwhelmed with the biggest realisation of Abby's life. Abby was absolutely thrilled with her new discovery and excited about what laid ahead. 

As far as she could tell, all lesbians around her were having a hell of a fun time.

[whatwouldsylwrite]

Aligyimh update in 2-3 hours! <3

[whatwouldsylwrite]

I saw a lot of spider!Ellie lately but what about captain america!Abby? (only based on cap movies because fuck everything else)

Abby who was a sick weak child with so many diagnoses she had a book with her medical records

Abby who grew up with a father who was helping people during 2 wars already, and wanting to go and be a nurse on the front lines because she couldn't stand suffering

Abby whose father created a serum to improve his daughter's health and it caught hydra's attention

Abby whose father was killed by nazis just after his serum turned her into 6ft beefcake (we will leave Joel's death for tony stark!Ellie i said what I said)

Abby who instead of going to be a nurse goes over everyone's heads until she is put into army training and eventually sent to fight the war

Abby who proves to be an excellent soldier and a strategist

Abby who drives the plane into the ice to save the world, sacrificing herself

Modern!Cap Abby slowly adjusting to the new world but still having her 1940s manners and incredibly dark sense of humor

Modern!Cap Abby who barks orders on the field and is a shy sweetheart at home

And for the good parts: I feel like the story with reader can go two ways.

Bucky!reader who is her best friend, pining after each other for 100 years (literally)

Bucky!reader who falls from the train and becomes the Winter Soldier, forgetting Abby

"it's hard to find someone with shared life experience" Thank you cap!Abby for confirming your type is "frozen for 70 years, didn't know were on the wrong side, nazi victim"

"(Y/n)?" "Who the hell is (y/n)?"'

"You're my mission!" "Then finish it, because I'm with you till the end of the line"

I swear these stupid movies are so gay and so angsty I remember those lines by heart

And obviously hurt/comfort, Cap!Abby helping Winter Soldier!Reader get memories back so ws!reader can fall in love with cap!abby all over again

MORE PINING

And then they finally break and kiss and the peace is restored and the greatest love story of the century is all over the news

OR

Modern!reader who just can't catch a break and somehow always in Avengers' way when shit hits the fan

"Are you okay ma'am?" "Do you need help ma'am?" "Go back to safety ma'am"

Just cap!abby calling you "ma'am" with her old-fashioned politeness and that serious look because she's working and she is concentrated on her operation

Cap!abby putting her shield in front of you to save you and then carrying you to safety

Cap!abby who starts to lowkey flirt with you but it's so polite you don't notice at first (the classic "we need to stop meeting like this")

cap!Abby who comes to your work and apologises for it because it's literally the only time she had between fighting assholes and bickering with Ellie so she could ask you on a date (she gives you flowers! her dad raised a lady)

cap!Abby who takes you on a date on her harley

she so respectful! so polite! she doesn't kiss you until the end of the second date!

cap!Abby who is very well aware of marvels she could find in the modern sex shops (does she have any shame? no)

cap!abby completely obliterating you and being all shy about it later, a little polite puppy

just fuckin.. abby in that cap costume from the ca:tws that has straps and pockets and the gloves?? don't get me started on the gloves

abby putting the shield on her back

just captain america!abby yk

[whatwouldsylwrite]

would you mind keeping us updated on when the new chapters come out we’re way to excited😫🫶

you mean by posting something like "new chapter today"? Or something different? Lmk :)

[whatwouldsylwrite]

ik you just posted a new chapter of aligyimh but it’s so good I just need more

screeching

I'm happy you liked it!

I can happily say that the next chapter is 2.5k already, so I might be able to finish it until the end of this week. On the other hand I'm so busy fri-sun i don't know if I'll be at the computer at all, but I'll do my best!

[whatwouldsylwrite]

after the new update i think i need a lesbian crash course 😭

im obsessed 🤍

Honestly you should get one for your own health 😄

[whatwouldsylwrite]

aligyimh is TOO good ur so talented

Ahahaha thank you! I swear I've never had to rewrite as much as I rewrite for aligyimh

[whatwouldsylwrite]

oh my god aligyimh is getting better and better each time you post an update 😩

I love it so much 🫶

Thank you bb ❤️❤️❤️

[whatwouldsylwrite]

I'm an adult with a 9-5 job and during lunch break I explain to my colleague what the fuck is happening in aligyimh

[whatwouldsylwrite]

My Name (2021-) Dir. Kim Jin Min

[whatwouldsylwrite]

At least I got you in my head (5)

(4)

Summary: Abby is straight. And then you move in with her.

Tags: modern au, fem!reader, straight!abby (she is doing some comphet bullshit), pining, idiot in love and it's abby, reader is gay and tired.

Notes: sexual themes (not with Abby), Vi from Arcane is here to make you feel better. You and Abby make decisions that rub the wrong way. Mention of reader having a complicated skin care routine that Abby doesn't understand. Also, the girl in the end is Kara Danvers from supergirl; she is never described/mentioned.

Taglist: @abbyily @lillysbigwilly @gravygranules @blairfox04 @frogtits1 @ccinnamongrl @ninazenuk @urmomsgirlfriend1 @sunkissedbibi @couchgarbage @nil-eena @inlovewithelliewilliams @st4rluvrr @mai5mai @machetegirl109 @azelmawrites (if you want me to tag/untag you for the whole series dm me please)

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Yoon Jiwoo was a little scary, but you liked how reserved she was: she didn't ask you for anything, didn't try to get to know you deeply, just polite small talk and a few jokes. Instead of coffee she asked you to come and help her with dinner, and you agreed, fully understanding the implications. 

The implication number one: your chin covered in her slick while she mewled above you and tugged on your hair. 

The implication number two: you sprawled out on her bed, shaking after the second orgasm. 

She was teasing you a lot, which wasn't something you necessarily liked in bed, but it suited her so you rolled with it (not like you had a choice, pinned under her). 

Jiwoo kissed you goodbye and you went home at 1 am on Sunday, feeling a little better.

Like your world wasn't spinning around Abby, like you could start moving on and be happy while living with the best roommate you could wish for. There were other girls, available girls, and you didn't have to suffer. Were you available though? Well, not yet. But eventually your feelings would go away, you were sure of it. 

When you came home you expected Abby to be asleep already - you told her you'd be late - but she was in the living room, playing Doom, frowning in concentration as she eviscerated her enemies. She looked good like this, in her grey sweats and muscle tee, her braid resting on her shoulder. Fuck, why were you like that? You just fucked someone, weren't you supposed to fantasise about Jiwoo right now and not drool over your roommate? Jiwoo had great arms too, and she was hot too, and she was the one to fuck you.

God you really were too deep in it if Abby in muscle tee was more exciting than literal orgasms.

You took a breath to calm yourself down and knocked on the door frame, careful not to scare Abby with your presence. She looked up and paused the game, taking her headphones off. She looked a little tired and you knew she wasn't supposed to be up this late. 

"Hey. Why are you not in bed yet?" You sat next to her on the couch, your knee touching her thigh. 

"Was waiting for you." Abby murmured and rubbed her neck. "I wanted to make sure you'd come home safe."

Fuck you and how caring you are, you thought desperately. Jiwoo also told you to text her when you'd be home, why weren't you thinking of this? Why weren't you texting her right now? 

"Well, I am." You smiled a little. "You should go to sleep, Abby. You'll be grumpy in the morning."

"Yeah. Are you hungry? I made pasta."

"You can't do this to me, seriously." You said dramatically and let Abby guide you to the kitchen.

She heated up the food for you and made herself tea after you gave her shit for wanting to drink coffee at 1am. 

"How was it?" Abby asked politely and you tensed. 

"Great." 

"Just great?" Abby laughed kindly. 

"Yeah, well. Stress relief is stress relief." You chuckled, not really understanding why Abby was curious about your sex life. 

It hurt a little, that while you hooked up with Jiwoo to get Abby out of your system, she was now trying to make small talk about it. 

Abby must've noticed your reluctance, because her teasing grin fell.

"Sorry, I'm so used to Ellie waxing poetry about her hookups so for some reason I expected you to do that too." Abby smiled sheepishly. 

"Oh, don't worry. I just don't kiss and tell, you know. Unless you want a crush course in lesbian sex." You winked, curious if you'd make her shy, and yeah, Abby's cheeks were just slightly pink.

"I mean, Ellie talks so much about girls I feel like I could give you a crush course."

You laughed: bantering with Abby was easy and familiar and you felt a bit better, and not in love at all. Just two gals being pals. 

You were lying in your bed and you couldn't fall asleep as you were going back to this weekend. You felt like the whole hookup with Jiwoo was just some kind of revenge, a knee jerk reaction to Abby breaking your little air castles where you two were in love and happy together. You told Cait you wouldn't use other people to get over Abby, but even though the thing with Jiwoo was mutually beneficial, it didn't make you feel any better. Especially since it only gave you relief that lasted until you came home. 

It was a bad idea to begin with and now you regretted it a little. The sex was great, and you had a lot of fun, but the motivation behind it made you question your choice. You had to deal with your hurt before you tried to weave other people into it. 

It was Monday and you decided it was time for plan B: get distracted by getting another student. Work was good, work meant mind exercises and money. Usually you'd get recommended by your previous students, but sometimes your professors would ask you to help someone out, and today was the day when you got lucky. 

Your professor caught you in the corridor while you were walking to your next class and you got scared at first - did you miss an assignment and were losing your points?

"I gave your number to one of my students, she is smart but she had to miss a lot of classes. She needs to pass the test at the end of November, can you help her?"

"Yeah, of course." You nodded politely.

"Thanks." Your professor patted you on the shoulder and hurried to her next class. God, she was always running like a headless chicken and you adored that chaotic energy in her. She was a very talented teacher, she asked for a lot, but she always gave second chances, so if this girl got her to let her improve her grade, then you'd do your best to help her. 

Also, you thought as you watched the hottest fucking person walk through the doors of the library on Wednesday afternoon, you'd have to do your best and keep it in your pants. 

She was built very similar to Abby, the same defined arms and wide shoulders, and she had tattoos. Her nose was pierced and even the bright pink hair looked organic. 

Even the way she walked was hot - Abby was always commanding, and your new student (she was bee lining to your table) walked confidently, like she didn't fucking care and like she knew she was hot. 

Oh this one wasn't straight. No straight girl had the same energy as her. No, this kind of confidence came from wanting to attract a different kind of attention, the attention straight girls didn't seek and didn't need. 

You sat more straight in your seat as the girl came closer, and for some reason you expected her to be cocky, but she smiled at you and you melted. 

"Hi. You are (y/n)?" You nodded and the girl sat next to you. "I'm Vi."

"Nice to meet you." You said, trying to play it cool. Not only she was hot as fuck, she also seemed sweet? "Prof said you need to pass the test?"

"Yeah. I need at least B on this, and I don't understand a thing." Vi chuckled. "I read at home, but it all sounds fucking insane."

You laughed.

"Which part? I bet it's Kant."

"More like cunt if you ask me." Vi mumbled and you laughed again. 

"Okay. Let's start from the beginning and then Kant will make more sense later on. Are you going to have only western philosophy on your test or do we need to cover everything?"

"I think it's only western." 

You put your professional face on and tried to ignore how hot Vi was as best as you could, but judging by her little knowing smirk she was fully aware of her affect on you - though you didn't really mind. She was hot and sweet and made you feel something else except fucking sadness and desperation. 

Maybe you could get both distractions this time, you thought as Vi smiled at you and looked a little lower than what would be considered friendly. 

This week Abby spent way too invested in talking to Owen. They texted regularly and Abby found herself checking her phone every five minutes. He excited her: Abby liked his attention and his jokes, and it didn't happen often to her. Boys were more annoying than enjoyable, so when she'd meet a guy who was actually cool she tried not to pass the opportunity. 

And now when she was spending so much time on Owen she didn't get her weird panics around you anymore. Abby still enjoyed cuddling with you and talking to you, but now she felt safe to do that, when she had an outlet to deal with her loneliness. She could cuddle you and then go to Owen to get her healthy fix of sex and intimacy. 

Not that Abby planned to, but knowing she had an escape made her feel more confident, as if she separated her affectionate side from her lonely horny side. 

from: (y/n)

r u home?

can you meet me downstairs?

I need help

Abby locked her phone and went to the hallway to put her doc martens and a coat - the third week of October wasn't really warm. She quickly made her way downstairs, a little worried about what you needed help with. 

You were standing in front of the stairs with two big plastic bags and Abby just stared at you.

"You okay?" She asked with doubt. Why did you buy two full bags of groceries? Why did you even go without her when it was her job to do all the heavy lifting in the house? "You should've called me."

"I didn't plan to go grocery shopping, I just wanted to buy the cookies, but I spiralled." You shrugged. "Can you help me carry them?"

Abby took all the bags, not letting you touch them at all even when you protested ("equal labour, come on" "you're hunched in your chair 24/7 you have the back of a grandma, chill"). You made light small talk while you went upstairs, Abby told you about her classes and how annoyed she was with some of them: she liked to bitch about stuff with you because you bitched right back without trying to cheer her up. You just understood Abby's need to vent.

Abby took her shoes off and went to the kitchen so she could start unloading the bags. You were still shuffling in the hallway when she opened the bag and stared into the inside.

"What the fuck?" Abby mumbled as she looked over the whole bag filled with her favourite protein bars. 

By that point you came to the kitchen and had the audacity to look like you didn't understand why Abby was shocked.

"Oh, yeah. They were on sale." 

Abby stared at you. 

"So you bought the whole aisle?"

"You burn through them like they're made of oxygen, come on." You said, embarrassed, and Abby laughed. 

"You're insane." Abby chuckled and came closer, holding your face in her warm hands so she could pepper your face with small kisses.

"Thanks." Kiss. "You're ridiculous." Kiss. "I l-" 

Abby's words got stuck in her throat: she couldn't finish this sentence. She didn't know why, but it felt like she meant something way different from what it was supposed to mean between friends. It didn't seem like you've noticed, so Abby kissed your forehead and moved away, making herself pay attention to your pleased face instead of wallowing in her anxiety. 

"Did you really get the whole aisle?"

"I took every pack they had, yes. It was on sale, pretty good deal if you ask me." 

"Whatever you say mathematician." Abby chuckled and helped you put other groceries in their place. 

She couldn't stop herself from smiling: you cared. You remembered small things about her the same way she remembered small things about you (she made sure to buy you your favourite cookies every time she was shopping), and it was so warming. She felt her heart grow with l- 

Why couldn't she use this word for you? God, she thought she was over her stupid panic. It was okay to love her friends. It was okay. 

Maybe she should hook up with Owen again. 

Vi asked you to come to her place for your fourth lesson - she had training before and she would have been late for the lesson if she had to go to the library from there. You didn't mind so you put your books into your bag and went over to her place. 

Vi told you she lived with her younger sister, and you saw the pictures around the apartment: it seemed like bright hair was a theme here. 

Vi's room was a little bigger than yours, and was surprisingly aesthetic with decor. There were a lot of drawings ("my sister drew them") and her table was kinda cluttered, but she quickly freed some space so you could put your books somewhere. 

Being in Vi's room made you tingle. It was obvious to both of you how attractive you found each other, and you couldn't shake the thought she invited you for a different reason with the amount of tension between the two of you.

You were sitting pretty close, her strong jean-clad thigh pressed against yours, but you tried to not pay attention to it and focus on the lesson. So far Vi's been an excellent student, not shy to ask you the same question as many times as she needed, getting to the bottom of it no matter what. Sometimes you had to change your usual explanation so Vi would understand, and putting your brains to work made you feel good.

"Okay, okay, I've got it. Fucking mental gymnastics." Vi sighed as she wrote her answer on a test sample. "Check."

You read her answer and smiled: it was perfect. 

"Good job." Vi’s eyes lit up.

"I want a reward." Vi said and you chuckled before picking up your pen and writing a good job with a star on her paper. 

"Good enough?" Vi chuckled at this and moved closer to you, putting her elbow on the table to support herself. "Something else?" You were teasing her, you knew, but you were so curious how it’d play out.

"Yeah, I have a better idea." She murmured as she moved her face closer to yours, waiting for you to give her green light. You smiled and moved closer, enjoying her wide eyes and a pleased smirk. 

Vi kissed you and you lost your breath for a moment, shocked by how gentle and tentative she was. She was sweet, god she was sweet. If it wasn't for one stupid straight blonde in your life you could have fallen in love with Vi just from the way she kissed. 

You moved away, feeling guilty: you didn't really know what Vi wanted from you, and she didn't deserve to be fucked over because you were an idiot who was in love with their roommate.

"Hey-hey. Wait a second."

"Did I misread the situation?" Vi asked, worried, searching your face for an answer. 

"No. But I'd like to know what you want from this, so we could be on the same page."

"I just think you're hot."

"Nothing serious?"

"No?" Vi looked like she was scared she'd hurt your feelings with her words, but you only sighed in relief.

"Good. Because I think you're hot too." Vi smirked at this and kissed you again, holding your neck with her palm as she stroked your jaw with her thumb. "Is this why you asked me to come here today?"

"No." Vi laughed as she squeezed your hips and moved you to her lap, pressing you closer. God she was strong. "But now I think past me was a genius."

You chuckled and kissed her again, burying your fingers in her soft hair as she pushed her hands under your shirt. Vi sighed into your mouth and you smiled while your hips started to live their own life, grinding against Vi. You were stupidly turned on by how strong and sweet she was, so careful with how she touched you, as if you were not a one night stand but the love of her life. 

"You're gentle." You commented when Vi carefully placed you on the bed.

"I get that a lot." Vi grinned and you rolled your eyes playfully. "Tell me what you want." 

You smiled at that and tugged her shirt off, staring hungrily at her abs and tattoos. She looked like she could destroy you and put you back together and your stomach burned while your eyes went dark with desire. 

"Fuck me.”

---

“You sure you don’t want to come?” You asked and Abby snapped out of watching you get ready in front of the mirror. Abby came to chill out in your room as you went through your wardrobe to find something that’d work for a Halloween party. 

“I’m not feeling it.” What Abby actually meant: Owen was getting a little too aggressive with his attempts to ask her out and she didn’t want to run into him.

“Well, you know how they say, you just need to come and the mood will come too.”

“No, really, I just want to stay home today. But you have fun, you’ve been working the whole week, you need it.”

You’ve been coming home late the past few days, having more lessons than usual, and Abby felt bad for you. At least you seemed to be in a good mood most of the time, more relaxed and happy than the previous week, and Abby was glad the amount of work wasn’t taking a toll on you.

“Thanks, Abby.” You smiled in the mirror and Abby smiled back. She couldn’t look away from you, a little fascinated by your little rituals with all the skin care products you were using. Sometimes she asked you questions about especially weird things she saw in your hands, but otherwise she stayed quiet and just watched you. 

Abby never really was a girly girl, with no desire to learn how to apply makeup or to wear skirts, and when she was a teenager a lot of people liked to tell her if she didn’t get more feminine she’d never find a boy, because boys liked everything she didn’t. And listen, she tried. She even learned how to use eye liner, but when she looked at herself in the mirror she felt like a clown, and she decided the potential boy in her life wasn’t worth trying to become someone she wasn’t. But even if Abby herself didn’t care about doing girly things, she liked watching other girls do their magic: how Ellie painted her nails black, how Nora did her hair, how you applied god knows how many creams/essences on your face. It was calming to her. 

“So, what are you going for?” Abby nodded at the bunch of clothes on your bed.

“The laziest vampire on earth.” You sighed. “You know, all black, some sunglasses to look like an asshole. We still have cranberry juice, right? I’ll pretend it’s blood.”

“Wow, that’s bad.” Abby laughed.

“Well I can’t come in my usual clothes, that would be even worse. I’ll try to look like the lack of effort was a choice and you know what? I’ll look hot doing it.”

“You definitely will.” Not that Abby understood anything in women’s hotness, but hey. She met girls who made her head turn, so.. Listen, she didn’t know where she was going with this thought. All girls were pretty, okay. It was the universal truth, what was the point of thinking she didn’t know when women were hot, she wasn’t a blind idiot. 

Abby walked you out of the door with a promise you’d call her if anything happens and a kiss on the forehead. 

from: Owen

Are you out tonight?

Fuck, Abby thought. Fuck-fuck-fuck. If she’d say she was home he’d definitely ask to come over, and lying was pointless. Abby stared at her phone once more. But what if she’d want to hook up with him later? Fuck. This shit shouldn’t have been so complicated. 

Well. She could lie in a different way.

to: Owen

sorry, I’ve got a fever so I stayed home

That was so stupid and hardly believable, but Abby didn’t want to deal with Owen right now. Or ever. 

Thankfully he left her on read and Abby sighed in relief before going to the living room to finish the next level in Doom. It took her a few hours after she fell down to death a bunch of times, missing the right moment to jump from one stupid pillar to another. And the boss at the end of the level was pretty hard, so when she finally beat him it was close to 2:30 am. 

Abby tidied the living room and then took a shower, her eyes hurt a little after staring at the screen for so long. She came back to her room and cautiously checked her notifications in fear Owen’d drunk-text her, but instead there was a text from you.

from: (y/n)

Im w a girl 

Abby stilled as she read your text, her heart squeezing in pain that she didn’t understand. Was she jealous? But she just turned Owen down, so it couldn't be right. Abby shook her head as if it’d shake the thoughts out of her head and quickly got ready for bed - she hoped to fall asleep before you’d come home with a girl.

It seemed like the universe hated her that night, because when she felt she was finally falling asleep, relieved she wouldn’t hear you coming home, the front door clicked open. 

Abby shut her eyes and tried not to listen to any sounds: to be fair, she didn’t hear anything until your bedroom’s door was shut. She didn’t want to think about what was happening in your bedroom, but then she heard it. 

You were clearly trying to be quiet, but one of your whimpers was too loud. Abby’s ears rang and her heart started beating faster from anxiety. Despite herself her head got filled with pictures of some random girl touching you. Abby wanted to barf, wanted this girl out of your bedroom, wanted to fucking rip her arms off for making you sound like that. 

Abby took a deep breath and sat on the bed, her ears tuned to your bedroom - it seemed like you noticed your mistake and got quieter, but Abby didn’t need you to make any more sounds to feel absolutely sick, her brain conveniently showing her how you were being fucked right now.

Abby huffed in disgust and stilled suddenly, noticing her emotions. She was disgusted? Fucking hell she was. 

You were having sex next door and Abby was so disgusted and angry she wanted to break something. She felt guilty, because you didn't deserve this, you didn't do anything bad, but Abby couldn't shake her feelings and her unbearable fantasies off.

Abby took another deep breath and grabbed her headphones, determined to force herself into sleep, even if she couldn't breathe properly from her awful feelings.

And Abby would have to be nice in the morning, wouldn't she?