whenimawakeandwhenimasleep

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in love with how ronan said i hate my brother and then married a cold logical man who is obsessed with both his success and looking presentable 24/7 and then declan said ugh fuck that jackass ronan and then married a baddie covered with tattoos who loves self expression and has a wicked mouth.

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Greywaren ch 8 // Greywaren ch 42

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declan lynch web weaving, 4/?

maggie stiefvater, call down the hawk; rene magritte, not to be reproduced; andrés cerpa, the vault; matt maeson, the mask; maggie stiefvater, mister impossible; fernando pessoa, the book of disquiet; maggie stiefvater, call down the hawk; rebecca solnit, the faraway nearby; paul jackson, liar, liar; maggie stiefvater, call down the hawk; richard siken, portrait of fryderyk in shifting light; clementine von radics

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I have been thinking about this quote and Declan and how heartbroken he is to love Jordan. And how he's so tired of loving dreams because there is nothing left in him that could withstand any more grief (or so he thinks, but it's not really true). I mean, he calls himself "Declan Lynch, a man who used to have a family". Most certainly he also applies this method of grieving for the things he has lost already in the future to Jordan as well.

There is this prophetic perfect tense to the way he loves. To him, the future where he has lost everyone he has ever loved is so certain and undeniable that it has already come to pass. He exists in two times when he loves; the now that is filled with regret and anguish for the future, and the future where there is nothing else worth living for but the past.

Achilles: I know. I know. But just because I won't be here tomorrow doesn't mean I'm not here now. Can you acknowledge that I live? That we lived? Patroclus: I grieve for our future every day. I don't have the heart to grieve our past, as well.

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The way these men love their brothers. But also the way these men are consumed by grief and hate.

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Anne Carson, from Autobiography of Red

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so alright yeah gansey’s reaction to adam sacrificing himself to cabeswater is to ask him “why? was i that awful?”

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i love you to the moon & by Chen Chen

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this scene changed the trajectory of my life

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happy valentine’s day <3

a gentle reminder that ronan dreamt adam a watch that told the time wherever ronan was because it was the closest he could get to a love letter. and that instead of saying “i love you” (too easy, too basic) adam says “tamquam” and ronan says “alter idem” which not only literally means “as if a second self” but also implies that adam was the one to start saying it in the first place.

a gentle reminder that the line “i suppose…she makes me quiet. like henrietta” exists and was spoken by gansey about blue in answer to the question “how do you know you love her?” and that blue would do anything for gansey because he’s the first person she calls when she needs to escape because he. makes. her. quiet. too.

and, finally, a gentle reminder that declan wrote “you were the ending i chose for myself” because he wanted to be happy with jordan, to have a life with her. and a reminder that jordan’s first sweetmetal, the very thing that keeps her awake and alive, is a portrait of declan lynch.

that’s all.

we all deserve to be loved like this.

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ppl are not mentally ill abt noah czerny enough,, like truly he is my fucking roman empire, i think abt him all the time i will never get “quietly slipped from time” out of my brain the implications that he just lives (?) perpetually through the years between his death and trk forever and ever is so. bc on one hand hes always in the kind of golden hour years that make up the series but also hes rapidly detiorating until he hits reset and does it again,,,, also ‘i was more when i was alive’ and his sister describing him as this fucking insane creative adrenaline rush blasting radio speeding ticket firecracker of a person vs blue describing him as smudgy and faded,,,,,,,, the worst tbing that could happen to the gangsey on their quest where they all frequently come very close to dying or losing their humanity hp lovecraft style is that they stop being friends vs whelk crushing noahs head in w his own skateboard on his hunt for the ley line,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, whelks clear disregard for noah and his descriptions of him almost as a sort of sidekick vs the funeral scene where his family is so fucking devastated to have lost him and his sister giving a speech at the fucking school full of dickhead boys that fucking killed him just to preserve his legacy,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, the car almost fossilised in the woods lived in and bright and fast and loud but covered in pollen and leaves and unmoving for years,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

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boys who have built their identity on one fundamental thing, and it's failed them

Gansey - The Raven Boys ch 1 // Kavinsky - Dream Thieves ch 61 // Declan - Call Down The Hawk ch 76

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the thing about Adam being the villain is that. the others would have to give up on him first, they would have to be the ones to brand and accept him as the villain, and I don't think that would happen and is a villain even a villain if everyone loves you regardless?

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so obsessed with trc and the descriptions of ronan’s character ‘honest but awful’ ‘only the truth, unfettered by kindness’ the feral dog to gansey’s royalty im obsessed with him!!!!!!!!!!

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I think franz kafka’s letter to his abusive father is one of the best early works of domestic violence literature and I wish we all talked about it more.

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Grief Lessons, Anne Carson