wherestheflght

[wherestheflght]

@ofspunkysass

Well, that's a relief. I mean, I've gotten quite good at dodging bullets, but I'd prefer not to test that theory out. Especially when I was just dodging bullets and fighting off people wanting to kill me yesterday, so I could use the break from all of that. With that said, I'll do my best to avoid giving you a reason to shoot me. [I chuckled out dryly. Shaking my head a bit in amusement as we took the short walk to one of my favorite restaurants in the city. Oh, who was I kidding? I went to about two or three restaurants on repeat... This was my choice for breakfast, I had the Asian bistro I liked for lunch, and then I typically went Italian for dinner. I was predictable to say the least. In fact, I had a feeling if you looked up the word "predictable" in the dictionary, there's a good chance my name might be listed beside the word. I thought to myself as I opened the door for Sharon and then I followed her inside the restaurant. Once we were seated, I greeted Suzie with a warm smile] Morning, Suzie... [I said in initial greeting before my head did a slight shift to the side. "Friend?" Hmm, I had a feeling Sharon would object to being labeled as my friend, so I kept it casual] This is Sharon. [I briefly introduced the two before adding] Your hair looks great... New perm, right? [I asked with a sense of warmth. See? I could be nice and dare I say, personable, when I wanted to]

@ofspunkysass

[My chest was heavy and I had to catch my breath as I came to. Cold sweat formed on my forehead and down my back. Chills moving through me as I realize I had awoken from yet another nightmare. Ordinarily this was something I was used to, so I usually just brushed it off. Given that it was Sharon here witnessing this, I was admittedly embarrassed] Yeah, I’m fine. [I aired out flatly. The last thing I wanted to do was to come across as weak, but more than that, I didn’t want Sharon to be afraid of me. Judging by the fact that her hand lowered onto my shoulder, seemingly out of care and concern, I assumed she wasn’t afraid of me] That crap that HYDRA put in me might be out of my head, but I still get nightmares of all the people I hurt and killed while I was the Winter Solder. Sorry you had to witness that. [I quietly admitted. Other than my shrink, that I was required to meet with on a weekly basis, Sharon was the first person I was admitting that to. I felt self-conscious and embarrassed saying the words aloud though, so after releasing my confession to Sharon, I almost immediately changed the subject] Are you okay? Any pain? [I asked as my eyes instinctively shifted in the direction of her stitched up wound; looking for any sign of blood or issues with the stitches I put in place for her. Sure, I had my fair share of experience with stuff like that, typically on my own wounds, but regardless, I was no doctor, so I could have easily made a mistake] Do you need the dressing changed out? I can help you with that, if you want. [I quietly offered. I knew Sharon was used to handling things on her own, but regardless, I wanted her to know I was here to lend a hand, should she want and/or need it]

[wherestheflght]

@ofspunkysass

Wack me? [I chuckled dryly in response. Of course I wouldn't be me if I didn't poke a bit more fun and sarcasm into the retort] Just so I'm clear... When you say "wack me," do you mean a playful kinda swat to my arm or even my head, or are we talking something more hardcore like with your gun? I mean, we both know you're a bad ass with a gun, so I've gotta ask. Always be prepared motto and all of that. [I retorted in a joking kind of manner as Sharon picked the booth and her side before I slid into the opposite side of the booth. Even though I ordered the same thing every time I come here, I still instinctively picked up the menu as if giving the impression that I actually had to look at it] The bacon, eggs, and pancakes. You can't go wrong. [Knowing there was nothing fancy about that selection, but why change something that was already pretty perfect? I silently justified as I lowered my menu back down onto the table. Who was I kidding, I wouldn't be tempted by anything else on the menu] I've had the sausage and biscuits here before too. It's good, in case that's your thing, but I always go back to the bacon, eggs, and pancakes. [I said with a hushed chuckle as I picked up my water glass from the table and sipped on it while you mulled over the menu options]

@ofspunkysass

[My chest was heavy and I had to catch my breath as I came to. Cold sweat formed on my forehead and down my back. Chills moving through me as I realize I had awoken from yet another nightmare. Ordinarily this was something I was used to, so I usually just brushed it off. Given that it was Sharon here witnessing this, I was admittedly embarrassed] Yeah, I’m fine. [I aired out flatly. The last thing I wanted to do was to come across as weak, but more than that, I didn’t want Sharon to be afraid of me. Judging by the fact that her hand lowered onto my shoulder, seemingly out of care and concern, I assumed she wasn’t afraid of me] That crap that HYDRA put in me might be out of my head, but I still get nightmares of all the people I hurt and killed while I was the Winter Solder. Sorry you had to witness that. [I quietly admitted. Other than my shrink, that I was required to meet with on a weekly basis, Sharon was the first person I was admitting that to. I felt self-conscious and embarrassed saying the words aloud though, so after releasing my confession to Sharon, I almost immediately changed the subject] Are you okay? Any pain? [I asked as my eyes instinctively shifted in the direction of her stitched up wound; looking for any sign of blood or issues with the stitches I put in place for her. Sure, I had my fair share of experience with stuff like that, typically on my own wounds, but regardless, I was no doctor, so I could have easily made a mistake] Do you need the dressing changed out? I can help you with that, if you want. [I quietly offered. I knew Sharon was used to handling things on her own, but regardless, I wanted her to know I was here to lend a hand, should she want and/or need it]

[wherestheflght]

@ofspunkysass

Oh, trust me, if I wasn't a gentleman, even to women who despised me, my beloved mother would roll around in her grave. Not to mention, my father would swing a disappointed hand down from Heaven just long enough to whack me across the head with it. [My own feeble attempt to crack a joke. Okay, so it had been long time since I was in a jovial kind of mindset, so I couldn't expect the first time to be a success. I silently thought with a tightened smirk pulling at the very corners of my lips as we stepped inside the restaurant] I have no preference... Lady's choice. [Again, doing my best to be chivalrous. Sharon might despise me, which arguably speaking, she had the right to, but that didn't mean we couldn't find a way to be cordial with each other while she was crashing at my place during her gunshot wound recovery] There is also a booth available too, so you've got quite the array of choices... Choose wisely. [I teased as the faint smirk lingered across my lips]

@ofspunkysass

[My chest was heavy and I had to catch my breath as I came to. Cold sweat formed on my forehead and down my back. Chills moving through me as I realize I had awoken from yet another nightmare. Ordinarily this was something I was used to, so I usually just brushed it off. Given that it was Sharon here witnessing this, I was admittedly embarrassed] Yeah, I’m fine. [I aired out flatly. The last thing I wanted to do was to come across as weak, but more than that, I didn’t want Sharon to be afraid of me. Judging by the fact that her hand lowered onto my shoulder, seemingly out of care and concern, I assumed she wasn’t afraid of me] That crap that HYDRA put in me might be out of my head, but I still get nightmares of all the people I hurt and killed while I was the Winter Solder. Sorry you had to witness that. [I quietly admitted. Other than my shrink, that I was required to meet with on a weekly basis, Sharon was the first person I was admitting that to. I felt self-conscious and embarrassed saying the words aloud though, so after releasing my confession to Sharon, I almost immediately changed the subject] Are you okay? Any pain? [I asked as my eyes instinctively shifted in the direction of her stitched up wound; looking for any sign of blood or issues with the stitches I put in place for her. Sure, I had my fair share of experience with stuff like that, typically on my own wounds, but regardless, I was no doctor, so I could have easily made a mistake] Do you need the dressing changed out? I can help you with that, if you want. [I quietly offered. I knew Sharon was used to handling things on her own, but regardless, I wanted her to know I was here to lend a hand, should she want and/or need it]

[wherestheflght]

@ofspunkysass

[I knew Sharon was just being nice now with her response. A strangely surreal feeling given each time we had been face to face before she wanted to shoot me. Grant it, I deserved it given our torrid history, but my point is, this was all new between us. Oddly unsettling too, might I add. Either way, I knew she was trying to go easy on me about Steve's reasoning. Deep down though, I think we both knew the real reason why Steve picked Sam to take up his mantle over me. Steve didn't trust me. In words he always claimed that he believed in me; reassuring me that I wasn't the same deranged assassin HYDRA had brainwashed me to be, but in spite of his words, I knew Steve no longer trusted me. Too much had happened through the years for him to ever trust me. I hated the thought of that, but in my gut, I knew it was true] My sugar mamma, huh? [I laughed lightly. I couldn't remember the last time I had a genuine laugh like that. It felt oddly refreshing since I had lost my sense of humor a hundred years ago] A guy can't argue with that. [I said jokingly as we left my apartment; locking up the front door behind us before we started down the stairs and toward the lobby. Once we made our way outside, we took the short walk to the diner I had in mind; stopped so I could chivalrously open the door for her to enter first] The food here is great. Their breakfast is my favorite though.

@ofspunkysass

[My chest was heavy and I had to catch my breath as I came to. Cold sweat formed on my forehead and down my back. Chills moving through me as I realize I had awoken from yet another nightmare. Ordinarily this was something I was used to, so I usually just brushed it off. Given that it was Sharon here witnessing this, I was admittedly embarrassed] Yeah, I’m fine. [I aired out flatly. The last thing I wanted to do was to come across as weak, but more than that, I didn’t want Sharon to be afraid of me. Judging by the fact that her hand lowered onto my shoulder, seemingly out of care and concern, I assumed she wasn’t afraid of me] That crap that HYDRA put in me might be out of my head, but I still get nightmares of all the people I hurt and killed while I was the Winter Solder. Sorry you had to witness that. [I quietly admitted. Other than my shrink, that I was required to meet with on a weekly basis, Sharon was the first person I was admitting that to. I felt self-conscious and embarrassed saying the words aloud though, so after releasing my confession to Sharon, I almost immediately changed the subject] Are you okay? Any pain? [I asked as my eyes instinctively shifted in the direction of her stitched up wound; looking for any sign of blood or issues with the stitches I put in place for her. Sure, I had my fair share of experience with stuff like that, typically on my own wounds, but regardless, I was no doctor, so I could have easily made a mistake] Do you need the dressing changed out? I can help you with that, if you want. [I quietly offered. I knew Sharon was used to handling things on her own, but regardless, I wanted her to know I was here to lend a hand, should she want and/or need it]

[wherestheflght]

@ofspunkysass

[I definitely wasn't the guy who opened up to people about my feelings. You'd never catch me sitting around a campfire sharing what was on my mind and singing "Kumbaya" and all that crap. That wasn't my thing. I kept my thoughts and feelings close to my chest. This had been the case even growing up. Sure, Steve could read me like a book because we had been best friends and like brothers since we were kids, but that wasn't on account of me saying the words aloud. Steve just knew me that well. Thing was though, I always prided myself on being the tough one. The one who looked out for Steve and didn't blink at a fight. When people said or did something to hurt me, I did my part to keep a straight face, and pretended to let it just roll off like I was unphased by it. Yet here I was now, opening up to the person I trusted about as much as I did Nick Fury, which wasn't at all, to be clear. Sharon and I definitely didn't see eye to eye with each other. She basically hated me, for all intents and purposes, and honestly, I couldn't blame her for that. I did try to kill her the previous times we were face to face, so truthfully, I'd hate me too, if I was in her shoes. Still, given that Sam basically forced us to work together and to trust each other on this last "let's save the world together" case, Sharon and I had formed a new kind of tolerance for each other. I even saved her from bleeding out and dying as a result of getting shot. Maybe that would prompt her to see me as less of a monster since this time, I saved her instead of trying to kill her. See, I'm growing up. I thought with internal humor as my eyes rolled a bit at the mention of Steve believing in me] Well, he did when we were younger... You know, pre-Hydra, you could say. [I said with a shrug before adding] Clearly he didn't when he passed his mantle on to Sam instead of me. [A thought that had bothered me since the moment I saw Steve pass the shield on to Sam. Why did he pick Sam over me? I couldn't help but to wonder] He claimed that he trusted me, but deep down, I think he always feared I'd forever be a threat to all things good in the world, which is why he trusted Sam over me. [Probably a big part of the reason why Sam and I couldn't stand each other. We were both jealous of the other's bond with Steve. Both of us vying to be Steve's best friend. In the end though, it seemed Sam won that inward battle, you could say] Anyway, it is what it is. Even if Steve isn't around to see us in action, I'm sure he'd be surprised yet proud of the fact that Sam and I finally found a way to work together instead of against each other. [I aired out flatly as I shifted up onto my feet; preparing for us to head out to get something to eat] Well, I won't argue with that. I mean, the guy my mom raised would probably argue with you on that, but the me with no money who knows you live in like a mansion isn't going to step in your way of offering to pay. [I joked. Even if I still planned to pick up the check once we were at breakfast. A thought I kept to myself as we left my apartment; instinctively locking up the front door behind me before we continued on toward our destination]

@ofspunkysass

[My chest was heavy and I had to catch my breath as I came to. Cold sweat formed on my forehead and down my back. Chills moving through me as I realize I had awoken from yet another nightmare. Ordinarily this was something I was used to, so I usually just brushed it off. Given that it was Sharon here witnessing this, I was admittedly embarrassed] Yeah, I’m fine. [I aired out flatly. The last thing I wanted to do was to come across as weak, but more than that, I didn’t want Sharon to be afraid of me. Judging by the fact that her hand lowered onto my shoulder, seemingly out of care and concern, I assumed she wasn’t afraid of me] That crap that HYDRA put in me might be out of my head, but I still get nightmares of all the people I hurt and killed while I was the Winter Solder. Sorry you had to witness that. [I quietly admitted. Other than my shrink, that I was required to meet with on a weekly basis, Sharon was the first person I was admitting that to. I felt self-conscious and embarrassed saying the words aloud though, so after releasing my confession to Sharon, I almost immediately changed the subject] Are you okay? Any pain? [I asked as my eyes instinctively shifted in the direction of her stitched up wound; looking for any sign of blood or issues with the stitches I put in place for her. Sure, I had my fair share of experience with stuff like that, typically on my own wounds, but regardless, I was no doctor, so I could have easily made a mistake] Do you need the dressing changed out? I can help you with that, if you want. [I quietly offered. I knew Sharon was used to handling things on her own, but regardless, I wanted her to know I was here to lend a hand, should she want and/or need it]

[wherestheflght]

@ofspunkysass

[I didn't like feeling vulnerable, and that's exactly what I was feeling now here with Sharon. Not only had she witnessed one of my nightmare filled sleeps, but now here I was confessing to her about trying to right my wrongs. The question about Sam though... I exhaled lightly... Now that was a loaded question. I'm not even sure I knew the answer to that one] Yes and no, I guess. Steve was my best friend. He was the one constant in my life growing up, and when nobody else believed that I could change, Steve did. I owe Steve everything. [Shaking my head briefly before continuing] Anyway, long story short, when Steve... [Pausing as I considered the best way to word Steve's exit from our lives] When Steve moved on with his life and left the mantle of Captain America behind, he passed the shield to Sam. It was a decision I didn't understand, and admittedly, I resented it a bit to know Steve didn't believe in me the way he believed in Sam. [I confessed. Realizing that was the first time I had said that out loud. Pausing a second in that thought before continuing] Anyway, over time I decided to trust Steve's decision. If he believed in Sam, then I guess I should too, which was my plan. Then Sam gave up the shield and it just threw me. I could have killed him for doing that, you know? Steve passes the mantle to Sam, and Sam just throws it away. That was Steve's legacy... He chose Sam, and it angered me that Sam didn't honor it, you know? [I continued through a loud breath] I went to confront Sam about it right after I saw that other fool carrying Steve's shield... I wanted to kick his ass right there in that warehouse, but I refrained when Sam got called in for a case and ended up needing my help. I kept telling myself that after that one step in, I'd walk away, but every time I intended to leave Sam to fend for himself, I could hear Steve's voice in my head telling me to stay. I was reminded that although Sam got on my nerves and I definitely didn't see what Steve saw in him, Steve believed in him, so I needed to find a way to do so too. Over time, I did see the good in Sam, and it all started to make sense why Steve chose him to take up his legacy. So, as the case continued, I found myself not wanting to walk away because, one, helping Sam was the right thing to do, and two, it felt good to be on the good side for a change. [Realizing I probably had just shared too much, so I tried to wrap it up as best as I could] But yeah, sorry for such a long answer. You're probably really starving now. [I said as I shifted up onto my feet; preparing to put my shoes and some clothes on so we could go grab some breakfast] Ready to go get that breakfast now?

@ofspunkysass

[My chest was heavy and I had to catch my breath as I came to. Cold sweat formed on my forehead and down my back. Chills moving through me as I realize I had awoken from yet another nightmare. Ordinarily this was something I was used to, so I usually just brushed it off. Given that it was Sharon here witnessing this, I was admittedly embarrassed] Yeah, I’m fine. [I aired out flatly. The last thing I wanted to do was to come across as weak, but more than that, I didn’t want Sharon to be afraid of me. Judging by the fact that her hand lowered onto my shoulder, seemingly out of care and concern, I assumed she wasn’t afraid of me] That crap that HYDRA put in me might be out of my head, but I still get nightmares of all the people I hurt and killed while I was the Winter Solder. Sorry you had to witness that. [I quietly admitted. Other than my shrink, that I was required to meet with on a weekly basis, Sharon was the first person I was admitting that to. I felt self-conscious and embarrassed saying the words aloud though, so after releasing my confession to Sharon, I almost immediately changed the subject] Are you okay? Any pain? [I asked as my eyes instinctively shifted in the direction of her stitched up wound; looking for any sign of blood or issues with the stitches I put in place for her. Sure, I had my fair share of experience with stuff like that, typically on my own wounds, but regardless, I was no doctor, so I could have easily made a mistake] Do you need the dressing changed out? I can help you with that, if you want. [I quietly offered. I knew Sharon was used to handling things on her own, but regardless, I wanted her to know I was here to lend a hand, should she want and/or need it]

[wherestheflght]

@ofspunkysass

[I appreciated where Sharon was coming from with this, but her words weren't helping me to feel better about my past sins. Yes, I was aware that HYDRA was to blame for turning me into a murderous villain, but regardless of what HYDRA did to my brain, I could still remember everything I did. I carried every bit of those I wronged with me. Of course I know not all of them were squeaky clean individuals, but that doesn't make what I did to them right. I'm not a vigilante, so it's not up to me to bring down criminals, or in this case, those that HYDRA saw as a threat. My point being, the fact that I could remember them all, as well as all the harm and pain I caused, and the volume of blood I spilled makes me see that I was still in there, so maybe HYDRA didn't have complete control of me, but I just wasn't wrong enough to fight back against them. I silently considered as I gave Sharon a nod in response] Thanks. I appreciate that. I just wish there was a way for me to right my wrongs. [I quietly added as I leaned my back against the wall behind me. Exhaling in and out a few times quietly as I continued trying to catch my breath. Feeling uncomfortable discussing myself though, I opted to try for a subject change] Anyway, enough about me... Do you want to go grab a bite to eat? There are a few decent places that open up early with breakfast, if you're hungry?

@ofspunkysass

[My chest was heavy and I had to catch my breath as I came to. Cold sweat formed on my forehead and down my back. Chills moving through me as I realize I had awoken from yet another nightmare. Ordinarily this was something I was used to, so I usually just brushed it off. Given that it was Sharon here witnessing this, I was admittedly embarrassed] Yeah, I’m fine. [I aired out flatly. The last thing I wanted to do was to come across as weak, but more than that, I didn’t want Sharon to be afraid of me. Judging by the fact that her hand lowered onto my shoulder, seemingly out of care and concern, I assumed she wasn’t afraid of me] That crap that HYDRA put in me might be out of my head, but I still get nightmares of all the people I hurt and killed while I was the Winter Solder. Sorry you had to witness that. [I quietly admitted. Other than my shrink, that I was required to meet with on a weekly basis, Sharon was the first person I was admitting that to. I felt self-conscious and embarrassed saying the words aloud though, so after releasing my confession to Sharon, I almost immediately changed the subject] Are you okay? Any pain? [I asked as my eyes instinctively shifted in the direction of her stitched up wound; looking for any sign of blood or issues with the stitches I put in place for her. Sure, I had my fair share of experience with stuff like that, typically on my own wounds, but regardless, I was no doctor, so I could have easily made a mistake] Do you need the dressing changed out? I can help you with that, if you want. [I quietly offered. I knew Sharon was used to handling things on her own, but regardless, I wanted her to know I was here to lend a hand, should she want and/or need it]

[wherestheflght]

@ofspunkysass 

[There was a time that I once considered myself a good guy. Growing up, I was raised right. My parents taught me how to treat others, but also to always look out for the others, and to stand up for people when I had the means to do so. When they reiterated these important lessons to me, I always believed they had Steve in mind, since I looked out for him more than anyone else. No matter what, I would always have Steve’s back, and even though I rarely needed it, I knew he would always have mine, too. Ultimately, it was surprisingly Steve who saved my life when my regiment was captured by Dr. Irskin and The Red Skull. Little did I know, at that point in time, how they had messed with my mind and the chemicals they filled my body with. It was bittersweet, you could say, because whatever they did to me, it did manage to keep me alive after that fall to what should have been my death, but at the same point, once they recaptured me following my fall, it gave them the chance to play with my brain more and ultimately turned me into a monster. Somebody that I didn’t even recognize anymore... Bucky Barnes was gone, at that point in time, and The Winter Soldier had taken over my body. Over time Steve found me again and fought to protect me... Even with all the horrible things I had done, Steve never stopped believing in me, so even though he was gone now, I was determined to beat this, because I didn’t want to let him down. It was a daily struggle though. Who knew that the guy who once looked out for the little guy, so to speak, was now the one others needed to look out for, in case I became unhinged again. I thought to myself in disappointment of what I had become as Sharon lowered herself into a seated position on the floor beside me. I couldn’t believe Sharon, of all people, was offering to be a shoulder for me now. Someone who would have my back. Sharon was one who I had hurt, in the past, and even though I had very little recollection of our brief encounter with one another, just from what I did recall, Sharon had every right to hate me. I wouldn’t blame her a bit, if she did] Thank you, Sharon. [I wasn’t ready to open up to her yet... Or anyone else either, for that matter, but if the time did come that I was ready for that, I did trust Sharon not to hold my faults against me; even if I still faulted myself for all of my past sins. Sure, I know it could be argued that HYDRA had me brainwashed, so I didn’t have any control of my own actions, but regardless of that, it was still me who carried those offenses heavily on my shoulders] I don’t deserve your support or understanding, but I appreciate having it, nonetheless.

@ofspunkysass

[My chest was heavy and I had to catch my breath as I came to. Cold sweat formed on my forehead and down my back. Chills moving through me as I realize I had awoken from yet another nightmare. Ordinarily this was something I was used to, so I usually just brushed it off. Given that it was Sharon here witnessing this, I was admittedly embarrassed] Yeah, I’m fine. [I aired out flatly. The last thing I wanted to do was to come across as weak, but more than that, I didn’t want Sharon to be afraid of me. Judging by the fact that her hand lowered onto my shoulder, seemingly out of care and concern, I assumed she wasn’t afraid of me] That crap that HYDRA put in me might be out of my head, but I still get nightmares of all the people I hurt and killed while I was the Winter Solder. Sorry you had to witness that. [I quietly admitted. Other than my shrink, that I was required to meet with on a weekly basis, Sharon was the first person I was admitting that to. I felt self-conscious and embarrassed saying the words aloud though, so after releasing my confession to Sharon, I almost immediately changed the subject] Are you okay? Any pain? [I asked as my eyes instinctively shifted in the direction of her stitched up wound; looking for any sign of blood or issues with the stitches I put in place for her. Sure, I had my fair share of experience with stuff like that, typically on my own wounds, but regardless, I was no doctor, so I could have easily made a mistake] Do you need the dressing changed out? I can help you with that, if you want. [I quietly offered. I knew Sharon was used to handling things on her own, but regardless, I wanted her to know I was here to lend a hand, should she want and/or need it]

[wherestheflght]

@ofspunkysass 

[Vulnerability. One of my weaknesses and areas of fear, you could say. I had a reputation to uphold. Pre-war, I grew up protecting Steve from bullies and assholes who picked on him. Then my time came in the war and I made it my job to be the one to fight and protect the members of my military unit. Bottom line, I was the fighter and protector, not the one who needed looking after. Then HYDRA got a hold of me and screwed with my mind, and it was like I was more powerful than ever, which I found very unsettling and vulnerable. I hated feeling like I didn’t have control over my own mind and actions. As much as I wanted to believe I could handle it on my own though, I knew I couldn’t. Lesson learned when a few words were uttered out to me, once again the monster HYDRA created me to be took over my every thought and action, all over again. In the end I relied on Steve to help me... A strange turn of events, you could say, since it had always been me trying to take care of him. Either way, Steve arranged for me to go to Wakanda, where Shuri was able to fix my mind. Thanks to her, everything HYDRA put in my head was gone, once and for all, but unfortunately the memories of all of the hell I caused were still at the forefront of my mind. As a result, it was rare for me to get a good night’s sleep, anymore. I was lucky if I got a couple of hours in, before I woke up in a sweat following another nightmare. I lived alone though, so this was a reality I kept to myself. Not even my shrink knew about this. Then I went and let Sharon stay with me while she recovered from her gunshot wound, and I guess you could say, “the cat’s out of the bag,” and my secret’s blown. I expelled a breath as I felt her hand consolingly resting on my shoulder. Watching her closely as she ultimately lowered herself down into a seat beside me on the living room floor] Well, I have a shrink that I’m forced to meet with on a weekly basis... [I started to say in response to her initial question] You know, one of the requirements that comes with me getting pardoned for my war crimes. [My eyes shifting into a roll before quickly adding] I pretty much hate her though. She’s very judgemental and rude, so I share very little with her. [I admitted with lingering pride before trying to change the subject. Finding it incredibly uncomfortable and out of my comfort zone to talk about my problems with someone; especially someone that I once tried to kill when I was in Winter Soldier mode. Trust. Definitely not a strong-suit of mine] There’s not much to tell... I was once the Winter Soldier, and even though I’m not him anymore, all of the memories of when I was him are still there haunting my mind. Over the last several months I’ve been trying to make amends to the people I hurt and for my crimes. One of the assignments my shrink gave me, but it hasn’t seemed to help at all. [I confessed as I used my one hand to retrieve the small notebook I kept in my pant’s pocket; holding it out for Sharon to look at, if she desired to] I’ve crossed off a lot of names so far, but as you can see, I haven’t really made much of a dent in my list. [Further proof of what a horrible person HYDRA made me to be. Something telling me I’ll never be able to forgive myself for all of the harm I’ve caused to the people listed there in my notebook]

@ofspunkysass

[My chest was heavy and I had to catch my breath as I came to. Cold sweat formed on my forehead and down my back. Chills moving through me as I realize I had awoken from yet another nightmare. Ordinarily this was something I was used to, so I usually just brushed it off. Given that it was Sharon here witnessing this, I was admittedly embarrassed] Yeah, I’m fine. [I aired out flatly. The last thing I wanted to do was to come across as weak, but more than that, I didn’t want Sharon to be afraid of me. Judging by the fact that her hand lowered onto my shoulder, seemingly out of care and concern, I assumed she wasn’t afraid of me] That crap that HYDRA put in me might be out of my head, but I still get nightmares of all the people I hurt and killed while I was the Winter Solder. Sorry you had to witness that. [I quietly admitted. Other than my shrink, that I was required to meet with on a weekly basis, Sharon was the first person I was admitting that to. I felt self-conscious and embarrassed saying the words aloud though, so after releasing my confession to Sharon, I almost immediately changed the subject] Are you okay? Any pain? [I asked as my eyes instinctively shifted in the direction of her stitched up wound; looking for any sign of blood or issues with the stitches I put in place for her. Sure, I had my fair share of experience with stuff like that, typically on my own wounds, but regardless, I was no doctor, so I could have easily made a mistake] Do you need the dressing changed out? I can help you with that, if you want. [I quietly offered. I knew Sharon was used to handling things on her own, but regardless, I wanted her to know I was here to lend a hand, should she want and/or need it]

[wherestheflght]

@ofspunkysass

[My chest was heavy and I had to catch my breath as I came to. Cold sweat formed on my forehead and down my back. Chills moving through me as I realize I had awoken from yet another nightmare. Ordinarily this was something I was used to, so I usually just brushed it off. Given that it was Sharon here witnessing this, I was admittedly embarrassed] Yeah, I’m fine. [I aired out flatly. The last thing I wanted to do was to come across as weak, but more than that, I didn’t want Sharon to be afraid of me. Judging by the fact that her hand lowered onto my shoulder, seemingly out of care and concern, I assumed she wasn’t afraid of me] That crap that HYDRA put in me might be out of my head, but I still get nightmares of all the people I hurt and killed while I was the Winter Solder. Sorry you had to witness that. [I quietly admitted. Other than my shrink, that I was required to meet with on a weekly basis, Sharon was the first person I was admitting that to. I felt self-conscious and embarrassed saying the words aloud though, so after releasing my confession to Sharon, I almost immediately changed the subject] Are you okay? Any pain? [I asked as my eyes instinctively shifted in the direction of her stitched up wound; looking for any sign of blood or issues with the stitches I put in place for her. Sure, I had my fair share of experience with stuff like that, typically on my own wounds, but regardless, I was no doctor, so I could have easily made a mistake] Do you need the dressing changed out? I can help you with that, if you want. [I quietly offered. I knew Sharon was used to handling things on her own, but regardless, I wanted her to know I was here to lend a hand, should she want and/or need it]