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Luna

Before I start, I would like to express how I am so disappointed that I am about to finish my first ever blig this year then something happened on my tumblr and it did not saved! Ugh! So frustrating. But anyways, let's start this again.

I'll be bolder this time.

Out of boredom, I started my blog when I was in college on 2015. It also interested me since I have a story to tell to the world. That time, I was waiting for a man to come home from his mission. As you can see on my previous post, I was confused about my feelings for that man. While time passed by my feelings for him became past also.

But guess what? I am waiting AGAIN. But now, I am a legit, certified and authenticate girlfriend of a missionary.

You might think this would be the same as before but think again that was back..

Before 2015

Now 2019

Four years difference really did made a huge difference!!

I would like to introduce to you my very first boyfriend. JOHN MARK MORALEDA.

We've been together for 1 year and 3 months. Actually, it is almost 2 years because he courted me for 7 months. Since then, we never left each other's side. He's been with me as I finished college, help me get through my thesis and problems with being a Student Library Assistant, of which I took for a scholarship back then, and also with dealing with my social and personal issues. I remember the time when I lost my phone at school. I can't stop crying and freaking out because I used my money to buy that. He hurriedly went to pick me up and comfort me. Before he go home, he stayed with me until night and made sure I was alright. Now, everytime we are together he always check on me and if my things are intact. Sometimes whenever he ask where's my phone I freak out a little because I feel that it's lost 🤣 After graduating, job hunt starts. He constantly encouraged me and gave advices for me to survive in finding a work. Until I got my first job, he helped do some of it. Whenever I felt down and stressed, he will offer to pick me up even if he doesn't have any money left. He walked me home and told me stories and jokes that would make me cheer up again.

Mark is always like that. He made sure I was okay. He gave me security and companion.

We're together almost everyday of the week. We'll eat out. Jog together. Stay at home while playing mobile games and watch movies. Laugh and have fun together. Play uno. And so many things that I cannot count but always remembered the feeling it always left me, happy, loved and valued.

It is unbelievable that until now Mark love me so great. Some time in our relationship, my doubts ate me. I felt I was unworthy of him and his love for me. I was dramatic. But instead of being mad at me, Mark understood me. Unlike other man that liked me, Mark stayed. He was always patient with me. He made sure he will say nice things to me so that I will be happier again.

"Perfect love casteth out fear."

If he get down on his knee and ask me to marry him I would say YES!! That is how much I am sure of him. I love him that much I could offer my all and eternity with him..

Greatest plot twist? HE WENT FOR HIS MISSION

Now, Mark is in his 1 week training at MTC. He went there last 10th of May 2019. He will be serving in Naga Mission and will go there on the 29th of May. We won't be seeing each other for two years and our only communication is through emails and chat on hangouts every once a week. Even if it would be difficult, we chose not to break up. We resolved that we will face this new journey together.

As member of the true church restored here in earth which is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, some sacrifices are made because other than our love for each other we also love and have faith towards the Lord.

I love you Elder Moraleda. And I will wait for you to come home. Promise.

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I pray for a love that heals.

flawedconqueror  (via wnq-writers)

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Too much love is a poison.

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A BIT OFF

So I deactivated my FB account for two days because I’ve been feeling really distracted by it lately. The spirit is not with me because I haven’t been honoring my parents regarding sleeping late and taking initiative in household chores. Technology, if used abusively, can negatively affect you. And if we’re not wiser than it, it will eventually control us. I don’t know if there’s such thing as “Gadget Addict Disorder” but it can happen. It suck the life out of you. You’ll start ignoring your siblings and rationalize that it’s no bad because it’s the only time of the day you can relax and have a social life. Your time with your family will be decreased. You’ll forget that you still have a life beyond computer/phone screens. I remember I quote from an apostle’s talk in our church where he said “Disconnect to connect.” and that’s my plan! I’ll reconnect with myself and those people around me, who is actually here, right now, in the moment, with me.

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The best thing you could do for yourself is love it regardless of all the imperfections.

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HOW LONG LOVE CAN LAST?

I can’t call myself as a missionary girlfriend cos technically I’m not. I’m just another girl waiting for his man to come home with no promises to hold on to. Well I cannot blame him. After all, I am the one who has the final say in our relationship. The one responsible to make this all clear.

Six months have gone by. I am so surprised of myself that I made it this far. I imagined that my feelings for him would be more frail especially on this time where our communication happens only once a week. Before, I’ve known myself as someone very clingy and needy for attention and affection from my partner. And when he fails to do so I will be so pissed and search for others effort/love instead. But things change, particularly when you mature. I became more patient, understanding and enduring in dealing with situations I was not accustomed to face. I don’t know what’s gotten into me cos despite of all the bad rumors about him and my family’s defiance of his whole personal life, never really got on my nerves. Well, it did. A bit. 

But I was immovable.

He said before he left that if there is anyone interested on me, I should entertain them. A sister, who waited for two years and now is married, also said that we ladies should still go on dates because that's when the Spirit will strongly testify to you if he is the right man for you. It’s like an experiment wherein you’ve tried and tested it and proved that your hypothesis is true and correct. You can now confidently conclude that therefore it’s still him in the end. Well, I am not suggesting that we go looking for guys because that’s being disloyal. I meant that some people come to our lives to test us. After all, there is really a reason for everything.

Six months…. 

Of uncertainty.

Of short emails and unfulfilled expectations.

Of people telling me “Why him? 

Of doubts and unanswered questions.

Of disappointments.

Of my heart slowly giving up.

And I thought I was fixed in my purpose, that I am sure of my feelings for him. But suddenly, I’m in the verge of letting go.

I really tried.. to be hopeful, to see the bright side and to believe in him. To believe that this is love. I saw his potentials. I accepted all his weaknesses and past. And I always prepared myself to love even his sharp edges and scratched surfaces. 

…. Until when? 

But one thing is for sure, I will always be his friend. 

 “And then it gets blurry Nothing’s clear All against us And I’m the only one standing Believing Hoping Back to start With a question mark”

🌙

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Cutie 😍

some Alice object designs, just for fun :)

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© PoemsPorn

This is me whenever fear and doubt hit me and there is nothing else to do but to be brave. Just like what the fox told bunny in Zootopia “Don’t let them see that they get to you.” Fake the courage. Then soon you’ll get used to it and there’s no need for pretending anymore.