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from Autopsy by Donte Collins

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I’m not okay

(from ask polly)

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Emotional abuse is the use of feelings to shame, scare, or hurt another. The parent who screams and yells with rage at his child is being emotionally abusive. He is dumping his anger and frustration on the child. When children are continuously sullied with their parents' anger, sadness, depression, and fear, they get a "bad taste” for these emotions. This adds to their fear of these feelings in themselves and in others. They grow up to be adults who go to extraordinary lengths to avoid feeling or expressing emotions.

The parent who manipulates by withdrawing from her child in pouting, angry silence also commits emotional abuse. She is emotionally blackmailing her child through abandonment and through evoking guilt and fear to gain more absolute control over them. - The Tao of Fully Feeling

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Most childhood trauma survivors have huge memory gaps before the age of 6.

Equally devastating as a result of this kind of childhood is a personality profile that encompasses ... horribly low self-esteem, the inability to have fun, being super-responsible or super-irresponsible, and becoming a dependent personality terrified of abandonment. The tragic consequence of tens of millions of adult children from unhappy homes is that they don't know who they are ... don't know how to take care of their own needs and feel good about themselves, and don't enjoy intimacy. These millions get involved in disastrous relationships, act impulsively, judge themselves without mercy, and constantly seek approval and security. - the Tao of fully feeling

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i am so tired of grieving in advance. i am so tired of anticipating pain. nothing is lost until it leaves my life, and even then it might not be.

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“My only relief is to sleep. When I’m sleeping, I’m not sad, I’m not angry, I’m not lonely, I’m nothing.”

— Jillian Medoff, Hunger Point.

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“Soon we will be strangers. No, we can never be that. Hurting someone is an act of reluctant intimacy. We will be dangerous acquaintances with a history.”

— Hanif Kureishi

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You can't see my scars

It's hard to read my thoughts

I'm feeling

Guess they're not real then

You believe in God

But even God

Doesn't show his face

When u need to talk

I'm still sick

Imaginary illness

I met the devil in my dreams

He said my dreams are what I never will achieve

He said I'm never getting better and I need to stop using words together like mental and disease

That when hell will fucking freeze

I'm a basket case

Maybe I should lock my stupid ass away

Feeling like I'm half awake from all these pills I have to take

No one even asks or fucking wonders if I am ok

I'm locked inside my head and I just can't escape

You can't see my scars

It's hard to read my thoughts

I'm feeling

Guess they're not real then

You believe in God

But even God

Doesn't show his face

When u need to talk

I'm still sick

Imaginary illness

I hate parties

I hate people

I hate the kinda friend that only calls uwhen they need u

I fucking hate my bed but never leave it

Like a girl does when she's beaten

Start to love the pain I'm feeling

Feeling numb is not me healing

Someone give me something to live for

I can't wake up to no one then expect me to feel more

I used to dream of seeing my face up on the billboards

Now all I want is u to fucking see what ill for

It's all in your head

You're always upset

You call it disease

I call it depressed

You can't see my scars

It's hard to read my thoughts

I'm feeling

Guess they're not real then

You believe in God

But even God

Doesn't show his face

When u need to talk

I'm still sick

Imaginary illness

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𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑫𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒄𝒖𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑭𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝑬𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒈𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝑪𝒐-𝑪𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑫𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝑶𝒖𝒓 𝑬𝒙𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆. ☯️

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Yin and Yang. Cosmos and Earth. Fire and Water. Night and Day. We need both for the unmanifest to be made manifest into existence. 🔥🌊

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These energies transcend our human gender and can be found within everyone. The key to living a harmonious existence is balancing these energies within ourselves. 🌈🙏

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In order to manifest our dreams into a reality, we must expand our vision into the cosmos, and then ground our energy into the earth so that it has a portal for existence. 🌎✨

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Are you ready to manifest your dreams? 💜

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Artwork by @artformind

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