widowswineapologist

[widowswineapologist]

me and this anon prolly regretting our words rn

Last Gen Richtofen is hotter than the Director 🤣

he's literally the pinnacle of beauty. comparing him to the director is like comparing a wolf to a chihuahua.

[widowswineapologist]

tank dempsey this, edward richtofen that, you are all WEAK. real men want to fuck klaus

[widowswineapologist]

i need raptor one in ways that are concerning to feminism

[widowswineapologist]

It slipped

[widowswineapologist]

the universe rendered me unable to draw men bc it knew if i could i would just be drawing tank dempsey x oc art all the fucking time 💀💀

[widowswineapologist]

a/n: random assortment of hcs for the primis boys! slightly suggestive at times so proceed with caution. i left it kind of ambiguous as to whether this was canon au or modern au so have fun imagining whatever :33

primis richtofen:

♡ - he's the type to spend hours initially researching a very vague question he has and then it spirals into him researching something completely unrelated to said question. don't ask him how he got from reading about greek mythology to how bed bugs mate, he doesn't know.

♡ - (also don't ask him how bed bugs mate.)

♡ - for some strange reason, for as long as he could remember, he just gets the most random and inconvenient of nosebleeds. it has happened so often that he's grown to just be mildly annoyed by it at best and he usually has tissues on hand just in case. for him, this is entirely normal, but one time he got a nosebleed while he was talking to you and you freaked out and he had to reassure you he wasn't dying.

♡ - richtofen always wants to be the smartest guy in the room, but he kind of goes feral whenever you correct him. intelligence is already an extremely attractive trait to him, and passion compliments it greatly. the slight humiliation he feels for being wrong is quickly forgotten when he sees that fire in your eyes as you lecture him.

♡ - if you're not able to read or speak german, he is... not exactly going to teach you. what he is going to do, however, is randomly hand you a slip of paper with what seems to be utter gibberish scribbled on it, and he'll simply ask you to say the word with a completely serious expression. and then he is going to cackle like a witch when you say it wrong. he enjoys the little things.

primis dempsey:

♡ - he's really bothered by how much he can't remember about himself, so as a substitute, he tries to remember everything he can about you. it's incredibly sweet and thoughtful sometimes, but occasionally it creeps you out that he can recall some extremely niche and easily forgettable detail you revealed about yourself in passing several months ago.

♡ - throughout his life, he's had a habit of just... randomly falling off his bed in the middle of the night. he has no idea why it happens, he's just grown accustomed to waking up on the floor with his blankets trying their best to keep him tethered to the mattress. it truly is a sight to behold.

♡ - what dempsey lacks in book smarts, he makes up for in street smarts. he knows a bunch of strange life hacks, random bits of information about generally niche topics, weird remedies for certain illnesses, the works. (if any of you have seen breaking bad, he's kinda got jesse vibes in that regard LMAO)

♡ - he doesn't do it anymore, but during the earlier stages of your relationship, he really liked pushing your buttons. once, in the midst of an argument, you slapped him, and after the initial shock wore off, you frantically tried to apologize, only to be met with the marine giving you a lazy smirk. he wore the red handprint on his face like a badge of honor.

♡ - (you've asked him multiple times if he's a masochist or something and he never gives you a straight answer.)

primis nikolai:

♡ - that one guy that just always has random resources on him for virtually no discernable reason. you need batteries? he's already reaching into his pockets. you need a toothpick? it's your lucky day, he's got a pack of them right here. hell, you need matches? he's fishing an entire box out of his bag.

♡ - nikolai has a strange habit of taking in stray animals. he literally can't help it, he sees a cute, fuzzy little creature in need and he's dropping everything to assist the little guy. it's a little sweet watching him take care of animals like puppies or kittens, but he brought home a bear cub once and that's when it became a problem. you do kind of miss mishka though.

♡ - his upper body strength is INSANE. it's not news to anyone, not even you, but it was a little shocking when nikolai asked you to sit on his back while he was doing push-ups. and he did a good amount of them!! if he noticed your shocked expression when he was done, he didn't mention it, but he does subtly flex in front of you every once in a while. what? he's just proud of his physique.

♡ - it might just be because of where he grew up, but he's always checking if you're cold or not, especially during the night. the second you say yes, he's dropping everything to find you a better coat, or blanket, or he even gives you his gloves. he doesn't want you to be cold :( you're always welcome to leech off his body heat too.

primis takeo:

♡ - the proud owner of a very impressive and vast collection of bladed weapons. he prefers swords by a long shot, but even he can't turn away from a well-forged knife. it would probably be concerning if it was literally anyone else, but it's takeo so it's cool.

♡ - a relationship with takeo is an extremely slow burn, but once you've finally crossed that threshold, takeo is in it for life. he takes the term "ride or die" very seriously, and he's willing to do nearly anything for you. takeo would even kill for you if asked. anything to make you happy. anything to keep blood off your hands.

♡ - takeo is very graceful and collected in all aspects of life, except for the first few minutes after he wakes up. his brain tends to lag behind during those moments and sleep still has a tight hold on him, so it results in him looking completely and utterly bewildered as he takes in his surroundings. sometimes he mutters incomprehensible things in japanese during this, and it's hard to keep yourself from laughing. he's kind of embarrassed by it once he fully wakes up.

♡ - he will NEVER admit it, but he has entertained the thought of being a house husband before. what he found even more embarrassing, however, was that he realized he would be very good at it. he's a good cook, he's a god at keeping things neat and tidy, and he would enjoy having time to himself for a while. takeo will never bring this up, but if you do, he's down for it.

[widowswineapologist]

"cod zombie au"

MY BROTHER IN CHRIST

[widowswineapologist]

who's gonna take one for the team nd start making dempsey thirst trap edits

[widowswineapologist]

getting into a fist fight with ultimis dempsey any time he mentions "jugger girl"

[widowswineapologist]

yeah cod zombies x reader is really fun until you have to become an amateur cryptologist and listen to hours of radios/audio reels from your cryptic ass boyfriend talking about some shit you don't understand and you can't just go and ask him about it because he has no clue what you're talking about either

[widowswineapologist]

Hello again! It’s your friendly neighborhood Dempsey fan

May as well send in an ask! I’m curious of your thoughts on a concert date with Ultimis Dempsey (especially as someone who goes to a LOT of heavy metal shows)

a/n: i've only ever been to one concert in my life nd that was several years ago so!! im not very well versed in that kind of scene, but i hope you like this!! im kinda going off my own experience lol–

♡ i know i've said that concert dates with dempsey are definitely a thing before, but i've changed my stance the slightest bit: i feel like he's definitely a "take it or leave it" guy when it comes to live performances. 

♡ that isn't to say he won't go, he's all for having a good time! but you're definitely the one that has to bring it up and you're in charge of the planning. he's not very good with that kind of thing :(( 

♡ and just in general, i feel like he listens to everything. he doesn't have a specific genre that he sticks to, but he definitely appreciates things with a heavier sound and the more badass it makes him feel, the better :3 

♡ honestly, this isn't even specific to just concerts, but he acts like your personal guard dog no matter where you go. he's always ready to throw hands with anyone who tries to start shit with you, and the protectiveness only amps up even more when you're both in a crowded area. 

♡ if you want to see an artist he doesn't particularly like, he'll grumble a bit, but he'll go, because he doesn't want you to be alone. if anything, he doesn't even have to focus on them during the show, he'll just watch your face and that'll be good enough for him. the smile on your face and your bright, excited eyes are more than worth it. 

♡ oh my god he would hate mosh pits i think :(( he doesn't like having his personal space crowded, and he's ready to start throwing punches if his boundaries are crossed, so the second he feels like one is gonna open up he's dragging you away. sorry if that's your thing :(( 

♡ definitely the type that'll put you on his shoulders if you want a better look at the band! he's strong, he can handle it! don't worry about him, doll <3

♡ dempsey's probably one of those guys that gets irritated about people not "living in the moment" 😭😭 but if you pester him into recording a video of the performance for you, he will. he's such a softie for you it's almost embarrassing…

♡ if you hear him singing along with the crowd, no you don't <3

♡ (also, fair warning: if he's allowed to drink, you bet your ass he's gonna 😭)

[widowswineapologist]

I'm very curious about Modern AU Primis Richtofen and how it usually would be spending evenings with his s/o

a/n: i wish i could understand the appeal behind domesticity when it comes to modern aus 😭😭 i default to wanting to teach the crew internet lingo- 

♡ i feel like it's just in edward's blood to pick a mentally demanding job, no matter what timeline or universe he's in. the man can't catch a break frrr…

♡ so, usually when comes home from whatever job he has, the absolute first thing he does is basically face plant onto the softest thing he can find so he can decompress for a good couple of minutes. 

♡ it's not uncommon for him to just grab you and flop on the couch during this little "ritual" of his. you better pray you weren't doing anything important because you have a tall german man clinging onto you like a koala and he will be VERY upset if anything interrupts this quick cuddle time. 

♡ after that, i think anything is fair game! he'll usually talk to you about his day, and he'll listen if you want to tell him about yours. he's a good listener :3 (shocking, i know)

♡ this is just a general headcanon i have, but he's definitely the type to have a chore chart or something like that. he doesn't like housework being a one-sided thing, he does his part and he expects you to do yours too. (though, he'll give you a free pass or two if you bribe him <3)

♡ with that in mind, it's not uncommon for him to be the one cooking dinner. he actually quite enjoys being in the kitchen, it's calming for him at times. richtofen's entertained the thought of cooking with you before but he tends to get very commanding when he cooks and he doesn't want to treat you like that :[ (he'll save that for the bedroom JKJK)

♡ i definitely feel like it's also a common occurrence for you two to be doing completely different activities, even though you're basically right beside each other. richtofen usually always has something he needs to be doing, and your presence makes it a lot easier for him to put the work in. he just likes existing with you, it makes him happy. there has been a lot of times where you have both been sitting on the couch and he's working on some kind of paperwork and you're working on your own projects, and you're both there and you're happy :) 

♡ richtofen definitely has suggested some kind of game night to you before. you indulged him, but quickly regretted it because instead of something fun like monopoly or charades, he instead wanted to play things like chess or scrabble. luckily, there's a bunch of board games that combine both fun and intellectual capability, so you haven't ruled game night out entirely. god help you if he suggests playing a game he created himself. 

♡ occasionally, you'll have movie night, in which you will have to brave richtofen critiquing a movie to dust for the entire duration of said movie. he'll shut up if you "shh" him a couple of times, but he'll pout about it. if he's lucky, you're one of those people that like video essays so you'll listen to every single one of his critiques and add in a few of your own. he'd give cinemasins a run for their money ong- 

♡ more often than not, you'll be ready for bed before him. you practically have to drag him to bed every night because he'll always, and i mean ALWAYS, tell you he has some more work to do and he'll meet you in a few minutes, which then turns into a few hours, which then turns into him falling asleep at his desk and waking up late for work. no matter how many times you scold him, this never changes. you're about to chain him to the bed at this point.

♡ (which, let's be honest, he might enjoy.) 

[widowswineapologist]

as happy as i am that this fandom is relatively small nd niche, i will forever be upset abt the lack of sick nasty tank dempsey smut

[widowswineapologist]

Imagine Ultimis attempting the one chip challenge. I doubt any of them could survive the spice and Samantha is laughing at everyone trying to stick their heads into the freezer

I CAN VIVIDLY SEE THAT BUT I CAN ALSO VIVIDLY SEE THEM JUST HAVING NO REACTION TO IT AT ALL BC THEIR TASTE BUDS MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD

[widowswineapologist]

ultimis richtofen the typa guy to tell you that you have the kind of eyes he'd like to keep in a jar (affectionate)

[widowswineapologist]

Im just feeling a certain way rn

[widowswineapologist]

If Dr. Monty says that as an adult Edward sleeps with a teddy bear, then this means I will help him grow comfortable enough to build a stuffed animal army with me

This is where my weird Richtofen hc comes in and I say, 

I feel like he lets you do whatever you want, but he judges himself for nearly everything he does (depending on what Ed you're after.) 

Like you can have an army of plushies, and he supports your endeavors, but there is constantly a tiny voice in his head that tells him he should feel ashamed for having a teddy bear and that it's childish of him. He would def appreciate the reassurance but it's gonna take a long ass while for you to finally convince him it's okay to sleep with a teddy bear. 

And that's not really the only time this would come up. He probably feels the same way in regards to mental health. He's constantly on the verge of having a breakdown at any given moment and he just tells himself to suck it up, but God forbid you happen to be in a similar position because then he's doing everything he can to make you feel better and secure. 

But on the other hand, I can 100% see Ultimis Richtofen being an absolute menace and indulging in all sorts of weird behaviors with you because he no longer has the sanity to give a flying fuck lmfao. So yeah, what if he has an army of plushies? What about it? Say anything and he'll spend a few hours making a DIY monkey bomb (or would it be a teddy bomb? bunny bomb? whatever plushie he can get his hands on, I guess.) 

And regardless, I think once he does grow comfortable enough with you, he will absolutely adore just collecting plushies with you. It's such a simple but meaningful thing and that's the true beauty he finds in it. Bonus points if it's canon au and you two really just pick up whatever plushie you can find on your travels. It's something simple that makes you both happy and that's precisely what Edward needs in that situation. I think he'd probably give the plushies super dumb names too, like things that are way too formal for a plushie or things that are way too, shall we say, scientific?