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Really wish I was dead rn

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well anyways it turns out that I'm incredibly emotionally distant and/or terrified of intimacy in any form

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I would like to apologize to the poor boy i got mixed up with. It turns out I'm not actually attracted to you i was just starved of affection and took to you like a camel to water, then after a couple weeks I've snapped out of it and now you and my friends think i want to be with you and I'm desperately hoping that this breaks off naturally since i go home for the summer next week. because if it doesnt then i’ll have to explain to you that I'm the least clingy most low energy person when it comes to relationships of any kind, and you obviously want someone who will text a lot and will be relatively clingy in return, which is the kind of person i was very briefly 2 weeks ago because this was exiting and new and i needed it kinda, but that burnt me out real fast and now I'm back to normal. I realized that the crush i had on you originally was just that and as we got closer i realized that we fit together really good as friends but i don't think this more is going to work out. we never even kissed. i will admit its a little bit because you tried to fuck me before you even tried(and you never tried) to kiss me. okay maybe its a lot of bit I'm realizing as I'm typing this out that it is a lot of the reason. of corse you wouldn’t know that I've got past issues with that sort of thing but regardless that mental wound got a little bit bigger(yippee). Last weekend at the party you weren’t feeling good and wanted to leave, i told you to go but you wanted to leave with me and i was no where near wanting to leave yet, so you stayed an extra two hours despite me telling you to go. I wonder what your biggest motivation for that was, because it was dark and you didn’t want me outside alone and drunk(despite this campus being super safe and the fact that i walk home after midnight constantly without problem, drunk or otherwise) or because you wanted me to go back with you to your room? When we eventually did leave you didn’t protest at all when i said i didn’t want to go back with you and you walked me to my building nicely so i think it was the first one but the second one was most def there too, i know it. I held you're hand last weekend at that party because you weren’t feeling good and i was pretty fucked up and it just felt nice to hold a hand, but i think i have to let that be the last thing we do in a ‘romantic” sense, it'll be better for both of us if i stop it here before it get to anything bigger. And holy fuck i meant for this post to be a few sentences at most, i guess i had more to unpack than i thought. I'm not gonna stop at this point, go big or go home i guess, I'm gonna get this ALL out there bc it probably better for my mental health than keeping it in. also it props about to get kinda mean despite the fact that i wish this boy nothing but the best. but i mean sometimes things just rub you absolutely the wrong way, so absolutely that they break a months long infatuation despite it, by all account, going pretty dang good. but it was the last night that i spent in his room, he had been getting pretty handsy and i was pretty into it, he asked express permission to touch my chest and i gave it immediately, he later asked to touch lower and i get my immediate “no” and he didn’t try again. it was a good night spent spooning with mild to intermediate boob squeezing. but for some reason what he did when we woke up broke the spell and i haven’t been attracted to him since. i was sitting up because i woke up before him and he was still laying down and lightly wrapped around my torso, and after a few minutes he decided to get up to shower and reached up, honked my boob and said “one for the road” and I'm not super sure why but holy shit i hated that. it probably wouldn’t have bothered me as much if our current relationship was different(see my above misgivings about kissing and whatnot.) but it kinda made me feel like a human girl shaped vending machine of boob touches all of a sudden(and i realize like this seems like a huge over reaction but fuck dude i also wish i hadn’t felt like this i wish i was chill about it, but I'm mad about it despite there being not any ill intent behind the action). its all fucking stupid but this is how i feel and I'm really inexperienced with relationships and its making me feel a lot of emotions and writing this has really helped me sort out my head and focus in on what is going on with me. i will almost certainly never read this again and i just want to be normal friends with this dude because i really value his friendship and i can’t be more than friends with him anymore. i hope his old girlfriend who wanted to ‘take a break’ comes back because they were a good couple and this kid needs emotional(and props physical) intimacy but i cannot give it anymore. 

idk fuck everything, I'm gonna wash my face and fall asleep and forget about this accidental essay i just wrote on my feelings.

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I miss the days that I would do full makeup almost everyday, it was so fun and I want my motivation to do it again

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why do boys always touch my tits before kissing me. I am currently at 100% tits first in the romantic contact department. like i get that we’re young and hot but maybe a bit of restraint

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MY SIDES ARE IN ORBIT

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[SPOILERS ALERT] HOW TO GET ALL 8 ENDINGS IN MYSTIC MESSENGER CHRISTMAS DLC

1: 707 Good End 2: Jumin Good End 3: Jaehee Good End 4: Yoosung Good End 5: Zen Good End

6: Normal End : try to balance your hearts for all characters 7: Bad End : You dont go to the event and you will get locked in the apartment. Do not participate in any chats to trigger this ending. 8: Bad End (Saeran CG) : Get all of 7’s hearts on Day 1 and get on to his route on the first caution button. Starting day 2 , do not pick anything that will trigger 7’s heart abd try to pick options that does not trigger any hearts. Saeran will message you 4 times. Give him positive answers in all 1: Say that you want to see him. 2: Give him the event’s address. 3: Tell him it is at 9pm 4: Ask him why is he not coming? ( cant really rmb what this is.)

*Edit*23/12/2016 1:Someone said tht for saeran’s end, it does not hav to be 7. It will happen with the rest of the characters as well. I am not entirely sure because i tried it while playing 7’s route 2: i am still trying to look for the missing 7’s cg! If anyone has an idea on how to get it, please tell me. Thank you!♡

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Mystic Messenger e-mail answering guide almost full version

Hey, just to start, apologies for any grammar mistakes I will commit during this post. I am having internet connectivity issues right now so I am writing this on phone. There are 4 types of e-mails after you are done with the invitation to the party, the FAILED, which means you did not manage to invite that person, the COMPLETED in red or green, that means the person may or may not come, and the COMPLETED in blue in which the person is coming to the party.

So here goes the list I have until now:

Blue completed:

Indie games developer: Scheam, Nameless, Game convention Youngest College Students: Jaehee, playing games of drinking soda, because you are too smart. Oil Company:We have very big parking spots, we have american TV, the bald one. Barista Group: Arabica coffee, Drip brewing, italy Models: yes will there be a lot of companies, zen, look of yourself reflected into woman’s eyes Tetris guy: battle 707 ate the party, stick, we have a new tetris series ready. Wine Producer:red wine, ice wine, Jumin Indie movie enthusiasts: environment ( he one that is not r- rated stuff), realism, Cannes, Venice & Berlin. LOLOL guild: headset, make the stats balanced, blood dragon. Narcissist association:Lock up in a room full of mirrors, takes a lot of selfies, Lake na. Secretary association: a rational boss, well payed, normal outfit Monogamy group: cross-stitch framed, handcuff her, give her flowers. Musical Supporters: Zen, the jalapeno topping was pretty spice musical, the one that doesn’t say to ask someone for tickets. Bankers: 100% interest deals, swiss bank, 1.2 million. Private investigator: Yes I wanna invite you to the party, the heroine that uses violence, It really matches you. Long cat: meow meow, (with the comma),  miumiu , nyannyan Tradition: Whoopee~~ Beat the drums~~, Whoopp~~, Oh my dear sun~~ lay your passion upon us~~.  Hospital: Hippocrates, exam results, compare hospitals. Culture: Borborry, verragamo, there will be many handsome man. Artwomen: monet, louvre, cantabile. Floppy:  rainbow floppy, windows 8.1 3711, obtain a limited cassette tape. Cat Project: Please come, feed them and wait, social media. Allergy: Cat allergy, beef and seaweed soup, guests not attending to parties. Frank: All to the bank, bank passbook, put on various bank accounts. Solo: Hi I’m Youngsoo. I got your number through Chulsoo, watch, consider the other person’s feelings. Uranai: I have plenty of time, Jumin Han, old man under the moon Smartphone: leave the phone on the living room, leave the battery half charged, popcorn brain. Badcomment: 1.0.0.1., I will be watching the next one, report them. Nolam: Baleman, Otherstellar, Leonardo Dicappucino. Tom: call the zoo, stock price of peaches will go down, you are getting two F’s. Chef: 3 cups, you mix as if you are cutting, 20 minutes. Rui: Elegant , Olympusx20, ganon Cherryfarm: green, take out the stem and use a staw to push out the seed, diamond. LOLOL: Dia, hunt the new zombies, invite her to play lolol Romance: He will, Your one and only top star, kiss Naming: Luciel, Your character’s name, Jaehee Medicine: Tiarnol, tiarnol, tiarnol Hyoja: fillial piety, confucius, health Smoking quitter association: scold him, your girlfriend will love it, scold him again Golf Association: Driver, shoes that dry quickly, gloves that don’t wear out easyly Roastery: Antigua, whole beans, 15 days Bracelet: various kinds of organizations, Lock U Up silver bracelet, mall Pancake: silvervine, salmon fish sauce, fish-shape Security: Korea, because it’s cool, gold Writer: art-related organization, X0X0foreverurlovely#1star★ , flies off to space DocLee: the seal is unlocked!!!, black , the rise of the fire dragon slumbering within the eyes!! Meteor study club :  first kiss, hungry, make a wish Tuition Committee: Noon, Yellow and Black, Candlelight Cat hotel: Cat buffet, Putting on a show, Cat limousine Driver Kim: Compete with your son, Drifting, young Pong Hacker: Lucky Kim, 80 years old, Grandmother Students living alone: In the freezer, Bubblewrap, Fried Rice Shoes association (Toeic): Small feet, chinese,  Nimtendo Homeless rescue team: there will be potential donators at the party, warm rice, soup, green salad, baked salmon, and fried eggs.  + sell small issue magazine (third reply; i got blue completed) Press: netizens, a law must be implemented that protects reporters, i cannot tell you that God: the one where you said you’re excited talking to him, the one that didn’t ask for money, i think you’ll walk into the party room like a normal person Detective: i know the vanished seven treasure islands, yoosung’s lolol exploration, chief assistant jaehee kang. Keyboard: ergonomics, control+C,  movi 83. Monnami: best pen of the nation: BIC, sear the end with a lighter, classic is best Emotion: i’d like to help you, the movie one, i really hope you come to our party. Chicken: Youtube,  face of a generous looking grandfa…I mean you, the owner!, Wrongmajor: What are you interested in, not too late, convince the parents. Basketcase woman: green, long enough to do well with my eyes closed,  get a camel through the eye. Catlovers: head, odd eye, crystal litter. Stock: Invest the stock, not lose your money, chief assistant Jaehee Kang. Lame (Haejung): Call the police, Say Hello!, I think you’ll give them a kick in the butt. Marc: Bae screen wedding,  triple tipt invitations, use the screenshot. Cream Roll: Imagine Mythical Creatures, Doll,Banner for the winner Star: first kiss, shiny moon makes me hungry, wish on a star       

Red completed:

Mira: pink bandages, diamond cask

If you got full completion on other e-mails or have any more info to update the list just reply here, leave a note or send me a private message, I will add your name to the contributors. @jessrine made a spreadsheet table with all this notes if you prefer to read that way here is the LINK I Would not be able to do half this list without the help from LittleredLilly/ @paranoialover , thank you SO much!

Thanks SO MUCH for all the help: Himeka1238, Calligor, MarchFairy, LittleredLilly, Midnightkitsunepei, @nohrslittleprincess , @sicheynne, @xxblackrabbit18xx @zelchex @syun0acute @kalelofkrypton @akechu @ledragonprince @creafujo94 @otomesiren @pescado-diabolico @yuuki-kawaii-makoto @vedrane @flibbertigibbetjie @amethystcria

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Yo Ken M has got a tumblr btw @horseysurprise, check it

heres some of my favorite ken m posts (click through to read em)

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this is legendary

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9Gif’s of: Haruno sakura for anonymous.

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i’ve been laughing at this for like 8 minutes straight

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when the optional superboss has an unskippable cutscene before the battle

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