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Oppenheimer

The man staring back at you with a cigarette enclosed between his lips, not quite an inviting one, but a deep gaze holding your eyes - that is what I remember as my first memory of American Prometheus. I do not quite remember how I came to the book. Maybe it was from some early reading on Oppenheimer, or maybe I found my way to it once I finished reading Feynman's "Surely You're Joking..." autobiography. In any case, I know reading it at the time I thought the Prometheus analogy fit perfectly. A man who knew too much, revealed to much to the humans; punished for it, tortured for it, forever haunted by it.

Then to see the words come to life, in and through Cillian Murphy's eyes - what a treat. To see Oppenheimer be himself on screen, dressing up in a small Los Alamos building room as he discards the military uniform and adorns his hat, takes his pipe and the same deep gaze peering back was life coming full circle. The realization of my imagination of the words could not have been rewarded more aptly. In his performance as J. Robert Oppenheimer, Murphy lights up the screen and by the end I was left with a gut-wrenching knot in the pit of my stomach as he looked back into nothingness in the final moment of the movie before all cuts to black.

Nolan, so expertly, has fit in so much into one film. I felt transported between a historical drama, a court room thriller, a piercing look into a not so simple marriage and yet at the center of it all a psychological dismantling of a man, who pursued the responsibility of unearthing some awesome but life-altering truths about scientific forces and was left to bear the weight of how he had changed the very nature of our world. One scene early on in the film that thundered in was the switch in Oppenheimer's attire as the camera pans during his witch hunt of an AEC hearing. Pivoting behind the attorney pecking away at Oppenheimer's fragile mental armor, the camera reveals a naked man. Vulnerable. Laid bare in front of his contemporaries. As you think his humiliation could not be further, a layer is added from his wife's perspective when her point of view of her husband's affair is imagined by the now dead-girlfriend nakedly and lifelessly staring back at Katherine Oppenheimer.

Emily Blunt does so much with her eyes as well and many a times without them. In her few minutes giving testimony to the people tearing down her husband, Katherine Oppenheimer shudders initially, unable to meet the eyes of the men who are doing so. As they lock in on her, that unease is replaced with fight, tenacity and a determination to defend her truth, personifying what she has been pleading her husband to do since the witch hunt started. Equally significant is Kitty Oppenheimer's stare back at Edward Teller during a final montage where Teller hopes to mend broken fences but instead is met with deathly eyes, unforgiving of the statements he made to contribute to her husband's witch hunt.

The fallout of this witch hunt comes back to haunt its architect - played so beautifully by Robert Downey Jr. With an almost youthful energy he welcomes Oppenheimer to join the Institute of Advanced Studies and a within a handful of moments you see the ego-bruising disappointment in him, as he feels a rejection and the lack of embrace from the very legend of Oppenheimer he imagines he has helped create. Till the final turn of the film, I almost thought the narrative did so well to present a redeeming side to the Lewis Strauss of Downey Jr. But as the black and white scenes reveal the final layers of Strauss's story through his senate confirmation hearing, you are presented with an equally piercing image of a self-centered man who has worked so hard, all his life really, to get to the pinnacle of his life, only to see his machinations behind Oppenheimer's downfall come back to haunt him and deny him that reward.

Able to elicit wonderful performances from all the supporting cast and breath taking visuals to show them in, Nolan is relentless in his mastery of the craft. I was curious to see how he would capture the sheer scale of the atomic bomb explosion. I was not disappointed by his interpretation. He does not go about romanticizing the bomb or its effects. The explosion fills up the screen, and with it your senses. The sound, and in some instances, the lack of it, bring through the nothingness and destruction that such a "gadget" leave in its wake. The raw and bare colors of the explosion are left on the screen for your eyes to soak in. Letting you take a moment to think of the scale, washing over you. And then comes the sound, and in some instances the lack of it. Accurately conveying the physics of it, the light from the explosion reaching you before the sound of the blast comes blazing at you.

By the end, I was left with a hollowness akin to the gaze of Oppenheimer's eyes. Leaving the theater to a soundtrack that is magnificent yet intimate and vulnerable, I came out into the night feeling haunted. Haunted by the simple reality I was transported back into, away from the magnum opus of a vision that had been imprinted in my mind. A haunting is what will stay with me.

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The stillness of the water brings a lightness to the soul.

Lake Phelps, Grand Teton National Park, WY. September 2021.

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It was a cold winter. Hoping for brighter days. Chicago February 2021.

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Just hooked to this song - https://youtu.be/BNNumu4Mwsc

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Manhattan Skyline, NY. 2016.

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Wishing for a green world. New Delhi. October 2017.

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Vivid memories of Daman. October 2017.

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Home (part 2)

All this talk about Delhi may make one feel that I don’t like the city. Quite the contrary. I like Delhi very much. One reason for that is I know the routes around the city. I take great satisfaction in the fact that I can remember quick ways to get around the city. 

As a child, I was fascinated by roads. I had a habit of noting routes, wherever we went. I would write down directions in a diary and read over them once the trip was complete. I was proud of the fact that I could explain to people how to get from Delhi University’s North Campus to the central hub of Connaught Place, when most kids my age could not even tell you much about the vicinity they stayed in. 

Over the years, the city’s landscape has changed quite a bit. I moved to the suburbs before teenage. With time, I came to cherish the calmness and quiet that comes with the suburbs. Back in the city, it was not uncommon to hear car horns blare in the middle of the night as someone looked for parking. Parking itself was a notoriously hot subject in the densely populated inner regions of the city. I remember how people would proudly tell of the tricks they employed to get a parking spot near their houses. Reserved parking was a theoretical notion that went out the window once it was past 6pm. One would park wherever they found space. When, in later years, we would visit relatives in the city and stay over night, we would look for places that weren’t “claimed” by anyone. It was common to hear of car tires being slashed by someone who thought their parking spot had been wrongly occupied by someone else. The suburbs seemed to be free of such problems. That was until population boomed in those areas as well. Now, parking is at a premium in almost all areas of the city.

Cleanliness is the other victim of population density. Public spaces were odour-free in the 90s. Having moved to the suburbs in the early 2000s, that is the image I took away with me. Now, when I go back into the city for work, I realize how bad the situation is. South Delhi, one of the more posh areas of the city, while crowded, never had garbage spilling out into the streets. That has entirely changed today. Garbage is more common on the roads than rickshaws. This theme is starting to spread across the city. 

So what else do I like about the city? Well, there is the aspect of food; I know places to eat at - whether street food, casual or fine dining. I once read that New York City had enough restaurants that you could go to a new one everyday and still not be able to hit them all in 50 years. I don’t know if Delhi can match that stat but it certainly has new joints opening every second day and the old ones still make my mouth water. 

With the expansion of the middle class in Delhi, more people are willing to go out and try new places to eat. Enjoyment in Delhi has historically been synonymous with eating out. That’s not surprising given the lack of public spaces where people can go to relax on weekends and holidays. That’s not say there aren’t any parks or recreational spots in the city. But the weather and lack of space don’t generally allow for wide open promenades to walk and relax in. India Gate might be an exception to that.

Perhaps the best time to walk around the city is during two narrow windows of the year, in my opinion. The time right after winter from February to March, and the pleasant days in September and October, when monsoon has left and winter is just about to hit. Those would be the seasons one would call Spring and Autumn, traditionally. But given the minimal time such pleasant weather lasts, I’d hardly give them such definite names. 

On days when the temperature of the city is moderate, at some special times, you can see a distinct orange tint in the sky. It feels like the sun rays are coming through a polarized filter. Sometimes it will be accompanied by dry hot winds, and on lucky days, cooler mild winds complement this orange sky. The other time the sky really comes into its own is right after a rainy day. The evening sky on such days has a purple dash, with just a hint of blue and the sunlight coming through adds shades of saturated orange to the mix. That’s the city at its charming best.

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Home (part 1)

I was born in New Delhi. A prominent hospital in Central Delhi. Delhi, or the National Capital Region (NCR) as many people refer to it, is a strange city. Unlike Bombay or Bangalore or Calcutta, I doubt there are many native citizens of Delhi left in the city. 

Delhi is the seat of power. Most people come to Delhi either chasing after power or due to power. Bombay is the city of dreams. Bangalore is the technology hub. Calcutta is the cultural capital where Tagore and Ray enlightened the mind. But Delhi. What does one associate with this city?

Delhi is heavily influenced by the Mughals and the British. The days of the Raj have left an indelible mark on the capital. A pungent smell of power hangs in the air. That is if you can smell anything beyond the most toxic atmosphere in South East Asia, probably the world.

But why do I talk about this setting? Because even though I was born here, this place does not feel like home. I have now spent almost 24 years here. Yet, there are parts of the place that do not welcome me. I am still discovering new neighborhoods. Places that I did not even know existed. There are ruins that surprise me each time I step into new neighborhoods. I wonder who lived there and why these ruins have not been torn down. 

All this makes me think about the other tangent. What makes a place home? Is it comfort? Is it a sense of ease? Is it the experiences that give you warm memories? Or maybe home is an over-hyped concept that just builds itself slowly in your sub-consciousness. 

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On morality and humor

I was watching NerdWriter1′s video about Louis CK being a moral detective and on the question of jokes being offensive, I started thinking about my theory of why people get offended. 

On the most rudimentary level, I think a person is offended when their values are crossed unabashedly. Some people are okay with questioning their moral values and some see the need to defend them. These two groups are not mutually exclusive necessarily and often may have members who lie at the their intersection. Values can often get inculcated into a person’s psyche without their realization, starting right from childhood. For example, parents teach their kids that hurting someone is not right. Lying to someone is wrong. Stealing is against the law and taking someone else’s things is against the moral code. We have a tendency to accept things without questioning them especially notions that are widely accepted. In a fraternal society, the values that form the basis of subjugation of women are so deeply seeded that the thought of women being equal to women or being in an economically or professionally superior position to men is in direct contradiction to the male-dominant values.

Similarly, questioning religion or what has been followed by our ancestors for decades and centuries, is seen as a cross to the values that elevate these concepts. The innate drive to defend our values, I believe, comes from the refusal to question those values. As humans, we hold certain things so sacrosanct that any thought of those things being anything less violates our idea of our existence and who we are. 

In reference to the starting clip of the Louis CK video, do I think child molestation is a topic that should be joked about? No. This comes from my unreserved belief that the trauma of such an event is not open to humor. Do I think Louis CK needs to be attacked for the joke? I am not sure. There is the argument in my head that he should not do it because if you start to become desensitized enough to make such jokes then how far does it go and where does it end? But there is also the point raised in that video of Ricky Gervais arguing that the only barometer for judging the morality of a joke is intent. The author of that video does not completely agree with Ricky Gervais and neither do I. However, if one was willing to dissect CK’s underlying intention in making that joke, they would see that he’s only ridiculing the child molester and not the victim.

Moral detective or not, I do think comedy has a lot of grey areas and they deserve more thought than simply a black-and-white lens to examine humor.

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Dear fellow metro rider....

Dear fellow metro rider,

I know you are in a hurry too. You look like you have to reach some place important and I am not putting down whatever place that may be, but stomping on my shoe and then giving me the death stare hardly seems necessary.

You may be older than me, but you are not that old. From the looks of it you are no more than 35-40 years old. So don’t give me that look of ‘how can this young man sit while I stand?!’ 

Fellow passenger, we live in a densely populated region. I am aware. Population is neither your fault nor mine (even though I think I’m putting more of the blame on you). But there is seriously no need -  and I cannot stress this enough - to stand crotch to crotch. Neither is butt to crotch or vice versa any better. Let’s agree on no abdominal contact. It’s not that tough. 

Parents in the metro, and specifically that one lady in the cream outfit with two kids the other day - allowing your son to hit your daughter, even for fun is not good behaviour to encourage. I understand sometimes siblings hit each other for fun or in jest. You don’t have to police their every fight. But letting the guy hit the girl, despite her repeatedly complaining to you that it’s annoying is not something that should be consented to. By taking a video of this interaction, I do not understand what you’re aiming to do - unless you are going to sit the boy down later and show him this video saying it  was not okay. And I am not saying this solely because the other sibling was much younger or a female. I don’t want to jump to a lot of conclusions but that seems awfully lot like bullying that you are condoning. 

Maybe today was a bad day. You left in a hurry. Couldn’t take a handkerchief or a napkin. But sneezing in the direction of other passengers to save your laptop, without covering your face, is how zombie viruses spread. Not cool. #EscapeTheApocalypse

Oh and I was about to put down my laptop, but this needs to go in here too. Staring into my or someone else’s phone, laptop, tablet or whatever personal device should not be your daily source of entertainment. I cannot possibly bring my phone closer to my face without my eyes losing focus. Possible areas I look to to avoid staring are - my feet, the ceiling, the space where no one is standing, the window (out of which you have a good view of the city; how about enjoying that?), and my personal favourite - a book. Golden reading time.

Shout out to the lady who gave me back my seat when she was reaching her destination. And the kind man who despite coming back from what seemed like daily labor, had the civic sense to protect someone else’s kid from getting crushed by on rushing people about to get on the train.

P.S: I am still looking for the douchenozzle who stole my phone. I WILL chase you down when I find you. Though I don’t know what I would do next. 

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Two months of the Jose era

Manchester United take on Zorya Luhansk today at Old Trafford. It will have been almost two months since the reign of a certain Mr. Jose Mourinho began, in terms of competitive matches. Three consecutive wins. Good. Three consecutive defeats. Urgh. Getting back on track...? Hopefully. It’s really been a cycle of false positives over the past two years, hasn’t it. You think the the team is starting to play well. Few results click in. And then bam. Back to the ponderous, laborious, unimaginative football, and one counter attack per half dooms us to mediocre results.

But now its Jose time. Hoping for a clean slate and a more permanent shift in not just style, but also temperament. 

Out of the four summer signings, Bailly seems to have integrated best to his surroundings till now. People still wonder what is Paul Pogba’s best position, and is he being utilized in the best way. The 4-2-3-1, 4-3-3 debate is still ongoing but overall the team seems to be compact in defense, and in attack the focus is on trying to move the ball around more quickly and efficiently. Zlatan has introduced himself well and looks like there’s finally a proper number nine in the team. The one quality of his that just dazzles me is the sheer power that the man has. On more than one occasion, I’ve seen him flatten defenders when competing for the ball or a tackle. Wes Morgan and Jose Fonte have both learnt first-hand that Zlatan is deadly when it come to aerial ability and as he plays more games, his understanding with his teammates will surely improve the build up and hold up play. Yet to see Mkhitaryan in match fit form. Everyone has such high hopes from him and hopefully, he’ll be demonstrating his ability soon. Two players, I hope will kick on from last season are Martial and Memphis. Martial is now a known quantity and will need to work harder to beat defenders and find space. He needs to be smarter too. Use the ball better, make runs wisely. Hopefully, no second season syndrome for him for too long. Memphis. Well he’s got all that raw talent and it just seems like the attitude and decision making have to come into place. 

 Can’t say that I have a favorite performance so far; the team faltered in what was perhaps it’s biggest test so far - the Manchester derby. The last minute victory over Hull was pleasant change from the Louis Van Gaal era. Leicester were also dispatched in a sharp first half performance. But in the end it all comes down to consistent results. That’s Jose Mourinho’s USP. He’s in the results business. 

Along the way he will  also have to determine what is his core nucleus of players. Jose likes to change the finer points of play and personnel depending on the particular match at hand, but he does have a core group of players who form the backbone of all his sides. One could speculate De Gea, Pogba, Zlatan would surely be constituents of any such group at Man Utd, but the likes of Luke Shaw, Chris Smalling, Mkhitaryan, Carrick, and Mata would also like to be included in such a group. Another player whose progress under Jose will be interesting is Ander Herrera. He seems like a good midfield fit for his systems.

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Long time, no see tumblr!

Highlights: Man Utd have a new head coach - Go Jose!

I’m drooling over my latest discovery of roundtable sessions of The Hollywood Reporter - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa cinematic paradise!

Classical and Jazz music - deeper and deeper into the breach!

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Metal with a twist. #musicdoneright

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Does not get more amazing then this. #SeatsToDieFor

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Discovering one of these beauties. Surreal, the sound!

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The cast of How I Met Your Mother interviewed by James Lipton for Inside The Actors Studio.

So many memories associated with this show over the years!