winglesscrow - Tumblr blog

[winglesscrow]

June 30, 2023:

Okay, so clearly I didn’t stick to the “once a day every day for 365 days” thing. But that’s okay. Because I made it up and this is my blog, and it really doesn’t matter. Maybe next year.

Anyways.

A LOT has happened.

I am equally exhausted; mentally & physically.

————————-

SO, in a nutshell - I moved to another island last week. I’ve had to stay in a hotel since moving here because the house I’m moving into isn’t ready yet (the tenants decided to wait until the last second to move out, of course). So today I’m going to the house to meet them & do a walk through for the landlord. My move in date is tomorrow, but I’m going spend the night getting a jumpstart on the deep cleaning. That way tomorrow I can just get there super early and get it done within a decent time frame. Everyone that said they’d help me pretty much bailed, so I’m moving everything and cleaning it all by myself. Which I’m used to, so it’s whatever anyway.

I also have had to keep my dog, Xerxes, in a boarding kennel since last week because he can’t stay in the hotel with me (which is annoying). But I get to pick him up tomorrow afternoon, so I’m more stoked about that anything else. But it’s just another thing I have to do on my own this weekend. This is the longest I’ve been away from my dog in a very long time, and I hate that to my core. I’ve definitely become emotionally dependent on him, and I’m completely cool with that.

The real icing on the cake is the fact that I don’t get paid until next week and I’ve used most of what I had just getting through the week at the hotel - so god knows what trouble I could run into this weekend. I also have to take the car into the mechanic next week because she’s acting up real nice.

————————————

If I didn’t have my physical calendar/planner, I’d be an absolute lost cause. But it’s so full this new month starting tomorrow, I don’t even know how that happened.

One of the things on my schedule is to find a new therapist, so fingers crossed I can find one I match well with.

I’m very tired.

Wish me luck,

-C.

Currently listening to:

blame brett - the Beaches

[winglesscrow]

February 27, 2023:

Today was a rough one. Again.

But I did pick up my sleep study machine, which I have to hook up to tonight and return tomorrow. I also had finals today for one class and that made me want to rip my hair out. Had not one panic attack, but two. Two ripe ones. That was hard.

- C.

[winglesscrow]

February 26, 2023:

Today was a very long day.

I’m already burnt out mentally and I have finals and midterms for both of my classes that I have to at least have half finished by tonight. I don’t have the energy. But I have to do it or I won’t make it in time tomorrow. I’m so so tired. I’m drowning in exhaustion and my body is just barely keeping up.

I have my sleep study tomorrow.

Then I can move forward with treatment,

- C.

[winglesscrow]

February 25, 2023:

Didn’t want to go to the gym today, but I did end up going and also walking/running 2 miles. So that’s a seemingly win-type situation.

The assault runner is really changing the game on running for me. I haven’t been able to correct my running in basically my entire adult life - but this simple piece of equipment has really allowed me to find a pace that’s comfortable for me and doesn’t cause pain to my usual areas, like shin splints and what not. I’m super excited to start building up to long distance again.

Had Mexican for lunch, and microwave pho for dinner. Both entrees were A1.

The microwave pho was honestly the most surprising. I will probably be buying many more of these just for the days I don’t feel up to cooking a full meal - which lately has been pretty often.

————————

I’m still drawing a lot, which has been nice. Having a creative outlet of some sort is satisfying.

I’m still exceptionally tired.

Procrastinating on midterms and what not.

Really need to lock it down tomorrow and get them done.

- C.

Currently listening to:

i love you - Billie Eilish

[winglesscrow]

February 24, 2023:

Today was a blur and I’m not sure I can recollect the day.

Trying again tomorrow,

- C.

[winglesscrow]

February 23, 2023:

My office for the morning,

Getting my tires and oil changed. My friends tattoo shop is across the street but there’s too many stragglers walking around, so I’m just staying where I am until it’s done. I don’t mind either. It’s quiet and no one to bother me. So I’m sure I can get a lot done.

——————

I was literally there from 9am to almost 2:00pm. That’s quite a long day. I didn’t have any food, no coffee - just water. I was so sick by the time I got home. Honestly, I don’t even know how I managed to get home without a scratch. I even had to stop by the grocery to pick up some things for the house and I literally felt like I was going to completely give out in the store. And then on top of that - I had to wait in the driveway for another 45 minutes for him to get home because I gave him the key. And THEN, when I finally got into the house, I had to socialize with him and his classmate for the rest of the day. AND THENNN they wanted to drive into town for dinner so I had to get dressed. At this point I was absolutely demolished. The bones in my face were throbbing, my stomach was aching from not eating all day and having terrible gas (tmi), my back hurt from being vertical the entire day, and my hair was oily from being dirty all day so it was giving me stress. AT LEAST I got to consume alcohol at dinner. That helped a tiny bit. This is why I’m glad I don’t drink much anymore; so when I do drink, I don’t need much to get the job done. Thank the gods. What a day. What a night.

Also, I haven’t slept more than 5 consecutive hours in almost 2 weeks. I’m so sick.

Here’s to hopefully sleeping all night,

- C.

Currently listening to:

Liberation - BUZZ

[winglesscrow]

February 22, 2023:

I’m not going to lie, today was a tough one. I don’t think I can recollect the whole day because I’m just too tired.

But I did make my favorite soup at least, and it was delicious. My brothers also called me together because they’re finally hanging out more often and it felt like old times, all of us talking in the same conversation. It’s been years since we’ve done that. It was very comforting for me, but also made me exceptionally sad because I miss them.

I’m drawing the rest of the night and going to try and get some actual sleep,

- C.

Currently listening to:

Funny Little Creatures - Nothing More

[winglesscrow]

February 21, 2023:

Some days I don’t know the difference between whether I should call my therapist or the hospital. I am just so exhausted. Each day gets harder to complete tasks and have a busy day because I’m so upset at how tired I am. My body is tired, my brain is tired, my eyes are tired. My clothes don’t feel comfortable, my hair is annoying, all of my shoes are ugly. I only have comfort in my leggings, socks, and a big hoodie. Which is fine. But some days it’s too hot to wear even that - which is upsetting.

To tomorrow,

-C.

Currently listening to:

Mice & Blood is Blue - Billie Marten

[winglesscrow]

February 20, 2023:

I finished the homework that is due tonight!

What a headache my professor is for my digital forensics course. He’s such a stickler and marks off points for absolutely anything - annoyingggg.

Anyways.

My shoulder really hurts today. I want to sleep for 2 weeks straight. I’m so freaking tired.

I wish school was over already. I’m so sick of assignments. But I still have a little less than a year left. My brain hurts.

—————————

I’m so tired,

- C.

Currently listening to:

Deja Vu - Nothing More

[winglesscrow]

February 19, 2023:

I had so much homework and studying today that I’ve been putting off all week.

I got most of it done, going to finish the big assignments tomorrow cause I have to write a forensic report for one of my classes.

I didn’t have time to draw at all today - but that’s okay I think.

Until tomorrow,

- C.

[winglesscrow]

February 18, 2023:

Last night was beyond insane. Incredible. Life changing. There’s just not enough words to describe it.

I mean, talk about a serotonin boost. It was wild.

I tattooed NONSTOP from 1:30pm to 9pm. And all of my clients were so nice, and sat so well. I’m so thankful.

I also made a decent profit, which was insane.

My booth was in the back corner, which was perfect for me (thank you, neurodivergence). I didn’t feel overwhelmed or overstimulated. I had ear plugs, a comfy chair, and everyone was so conscious of my personal space! Just incredible.

I’m already looking forward to drawing more and prepping for the next event!

They also want me to tattoo out of this shop part time moving forward, so I’m stoking.

What a wild week it’s been!

———————

I do need to fall back to reality, though, and get my homework done this weekend as well. So I’ll get started on that tonight and try to ride this mood high as long as I can!

- C.

Currently listening to:

Amnesia - Mod Sun

[winglesscrow]

February 17, 2023:

Last night was awful.

I took a steaming hot shower as soon as I woke up today and tried to put ice on my face to make it less puffy. Didn’t work too well. So I’m wearing a ton of makeup instead. Which is fine, seeing as though I have that art show today. I’m excited and nervous but ready. I feel ready at least. I’ve been drawing a ton and I don’t think they would’ve asked me to guest-spot if I wasn’t ready.

I’ve been drawing soooo much, which has been so relieving for my mind.

Also, I’m pretty sure I’m on thin ice at work and I really need to get my shit together. I need this job right now and I need to stop fucking off.

——————

I’ll come back and check in later today, after the event’s started. Wishing myself luck.

——————

Okay so, the art show was a HUGE success.

Insane serotonin boost.

Like, life changing.

I’ll talk about it more tomorrow - IM SO TIRED.

Hahaha.

- C.

Currently listening to:

Anyway - Moose Blood

[winglesscrow]

February 16, 2023:

Today didn’t start so terribly. I mean, I woke up with my usual grogginess but I wasn’t in an awful mood at least for most of the day.

And then the inevitable 500 lbs of anxiety dropped into my lungs.

I have been trying to distract myself all day with drawing and prepping stencils for the art show tomorrow. That was working for a little while - until I started to get frustrated with my stencils and my printer. That was just me asking for the anxiety to hit me.

I’m at the gym right now and I literally just want to run. Except I want to run straight out of the gym, and then never stop. I just want to go and keep moving until I can’t move anymore. I’m so freaking anxious right now it’s unbelievable. Also I should mention that I’m at the commercial gym right now (which I haven’t been to in months) and being around all these people does NOT help.

————————-

The good part of today though, at least, was trying out a new place for coffee and baked goods. They did not disappoint.

————————

The day did not end well.

I need to call my therapist on Monday,

- C.

[winglesscrow]

February 15, 2023:

Today was a long one.

But I did a couple things.

Finished a couple new theme flash sheets, did my nails, worked on my Redbubble site, made myself an avatar, and got some work done.

I also drove into town with him and the dog - and got to see the insane sunset from today. The volcano erupting always makes the sky looks nuts. The vog, though, I was not very happy about.

It’s been quite a day,

- C.

Currently listening to:

Only For You - Heartless Bastards

[winglesscrow]

February 14, 2023:

After work today, I spent the entire day drawing and doing laundry/cleaning. I’d call that a well spent day. I also had time to bake a little something! Not the coffee cake I wanted, but it’s something. Cupcakes and double layered cake with cream cheese and milk chocolate. A little rich, but the cake itself is so spongy that it works great.

I’m really starting to find happiness in drawing again and I’m having so much fun getting to be fully creative in my own space. I forgot how much I enjoyed being creative.

Happy love day,

- C.

Currently listening to:

Stomach Tied In Knots - Sleeping with Sirens

[winglesscrow]

February 13, 2023:

Today has felt like a complete blur. Like, it’s going by fast but somehow very slow.

I have zero energy but also have been up all day.

I did, however, draw almost the whole day after work was finished. I also did some homework that I almost forgot was due at midnight. I really need to get back to doing my assignments sooner than the day they’re due.

I had to reschedule my sleep study as well as my follow up with my neurologist. This week is just so crammed and busy, I don’t have the time. But the new appointments are soon, and I can still do my blood-workup in the meantime.

I just want to get better already,

- C.

Currently listening to:

Winter Bird - Aurora

[winglesscrow]

February 12, 2023:

Worked on my flash sheets outside in this beautiful weather today, while he trained his personal clients. Such a great area to be in today.

I did finish my flash sheets which is exciting!

Now the rest of the day is gym, homework, and cleaning the house.

A Sunday,

- C.

Currently listening to:

Slow Dancing - Aly & AJ

Swim Down - Moose Blood