witcherdoaks

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there was that joey batey interview talking about how they wrote the music for this season, which made me think about jaskier composing the hottest break up song of the year all by himself in a very depressed state as always, i adore unrequited feelings as a trope ovo

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Yennefer, Geralt and Jaskier are 100% drift compatible, but only as a trio - Yen and Geralt are too volatile, Geralt and Jaskier are out of balance and Yen and Jaskier are too impulsive. They all need each other to have the communication and equilibrium needed to fight monsters and raise their daughter. In this essay, I will -

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okay but i’m fucking cackling imagining how the other wolves would react the winter after hearing burn butcher burn

eskel, gently: “geralt, talk to me. i know something happened with-”

lambert, kicking the door open: “HEY DUMBASS HEARD YOU FUCKED THINGS UP WITH THE BARD”

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unity

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jokes on you the confusing timelines were my favorite part of the witcher

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RUIN

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i spent far too long on this joke

edit: the sequel

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Fics where jaskier is a Secret Noble™ are funny, but few things top "yeah, geralt still thinks my birth name is jaskier, I adore him but I literally introduced myself to the inkeeper as Julian Alfred pankratz, viscount de lettenhove not two hours ago"

Geralt, having just met Jaskier's family for a contract and not put two and two together: Jaskier, come over here

Jaskier, who's parents definitely recognise him and definitely just heard the dangerous witcher call him buttercup, suddenly willing to die for the bit: what's up dear?

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He salty Baby~

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Yen really said “I’m taking all the looks in the divorce” what a queen

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Some cleaned up Prawnskiers for your consideration. I put them in different variations up in my shop if you want some Prawnskier mug or sticker or… apron… XD

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ANYA CHALOTRA as YENNEFER OF VENGERBERG Behind the Scenes of The Witcher: Season Two

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THE WITCHER (2019– ) I SHREK (2001)

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I suddenly miss this silly man. Joey Batey's Jaskier never fails to put a smile on my face. I may watch the Witcher again this weekend just for him. It's time to peruse my notes for the next chapter of Across the Road me thinks.

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“Dandelion,” Geralt repeated.

“That’s right.”

“Then why call yourself Jaskier when we met?”

Jaskier looked off into the distance, staring somewhere beyond the trees and farmlands that lay below. The campfire flickered and cracked, the wood hissing, popping between them. Its light cast long shadows over his face, aging that which would never grow old enough to wrinkle.

“I suppose I wanted to escape it. To become something else,” he said. He twiddled the buttercup between his fingers, regarding it with a wistful air. “I’d rather I were something poisonous. Something not to be used. A buttercup doesn’t disappear quite so easily. I’d wish it, but I can’t use the wish myself. It is meant for someone else.”

“Is it a curse?” Geralt asked.

Jaskier shook his head. “No. It’s worse than that, I’m afraid. It’s my nature. My purpose in all this. I’m here to give one wish, to see it granted, and to disappear. I don’t know who sent me or why, or for whom the wish is meant, but that’s my lot. I suppose destiny will make itself known in time.”

“That’s a shit lot,” Geralt said.

“It is. Yes, I suppose it is rather shit to be make something so undesirable, to be nothing but a tool for the use of others, no destiny of your own but that which you can scrape together between the hours.”

Geralt looked at him from the corner of his eye. The meaning was not lost on him. “Do you have to grant the wish when it comes?” he asked. He could not imagine Jaskier being forced into anything he did not choose. Were dandelions not also stubborn, impossible to be rid of? Impossible to control?

Jaskier looked back. All he could offer was a shrug in reply. “Melitele knows,” he said.

-

A dandelion is an unwanted thing. It is taken only by those starving in hard times, a desperate nourishment, last chosen. Romantic fools will croon over them, but still those romantic hands will tear them from the stem to be used as an accessory to a passing fancy, soon to be left somewhere to be pressed and forgotten between the pages of poems or left withered alone, just as forgotten in a vase, in a corner, as a cast-off in the fields where children play fickle games.

What good is a dandelion? What harm? If it is not a pest, it is too insignificant to be bothered with. It is nothing. It is torn to pieces to grant a wish.

“If life could grant me one blessing,” Geralt said, “it would be to take you off my hands.”

Jaskier stood above him, looking down with his strange eyes, his expression hollow and far away. He clenched his hands at his sides. He set his jaw and nodded. And it was like nothing at all to speak, the words drifting soft on the wind.

“If that is your wish.”

And he was gone, as if he’d been plucked from the world by the hands of a careless god. He left nothing in his wake, just as he’d never been. Nothing but a wide-eyed disbelief and a sudden chill in Geralt’s blood.

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Yennefer: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly...

Jaskier [on the bottom bunk]: Honestly, fuck you.

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I Know

Eskel finds the bard amusing.

The young, bubbly musician is sweet, kind-hearted and charming. Eskel also finds him very smart and funny, to Geralt's slight annoyance.

But the most amusing thing is the way Geralt tries to pretend he isn't fond of the man. Eskel still doesn't understand the connection between them, but he's sure there's something going on.

His suspicions are confirmed one night, when they're camping out in the forest. Eskel is lying awake on his bedroll when he hears shuffling sounds and Jaskier's voice, coming from the darkness.

"Geralt?" The bard speaks quietly, thinking that the other Witchers can't hear him. "Geralt, are you awake?".

Eskel hears Geralt shifting on his bedroll, grunting quietly. "I am now".

The bard's laugh is light and short. "I'm sorry, love. I couldn't fall asleep". Since when does Jaskier call Geralt "love"?. "So I thought... Maybe we could... The others are asleep".

"You want to sleep together?" Geralt asked him. There was no mocking tone in his voice.

"Maybe, just hold each other for a bit? I can drag my bedroll over here. We can cuddle and then drift off, each one on his own bedroll".

Cuddle?

"Okay." Eskel heard his older brother say. "C'mere". A few more shuffling sounds, a quiet laugh and then Geralt's gruff voice again-

"I missed you".

Eskel blinked.

"I missed you, too, dear".

He heard Geralt sigh. "I'm sorry... For all of this. I promise I will tell them, just give me a little more tim-".

"Shush, dear. Stop apologizing. It's okay. We've got all the time in the world. I don't want to force you into anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Even though I'm a 100% sure your brothers will be okay with this. But still. Do it when you ready".

Damn, Eskel loved that bard. The younger Witcher smiled to himself as he heard Geralt chuckling.

"Thank you, Jask. I promise I'll tell them once we reach Kaer Morhen. You deserve bette-".

"Shut up".

There was a moment of silence. And then-

Oh.

Those were definitely kissing sounds. Eskel closed his eyes again, trying to go back to sleep.

A button popping, fabric ripping. A quiet curse and then a moan-

Eskel slipped quietly out of his bedroll, deciding it was a good time to go and take a piss in the woods.

***

The next morning, while they were on the road, everything seemed normal.

Eskel couldn't help but to watch Geralt and Jaskier closely. The two were walking a few feet ahead of them. Jaskier was talking about something enthusiastically, gesturing wildly with his hands. Geralt was being quiet as usual, staring ahead and mumbling something in response from time to time.

Although Eskel was busy talking with Lambert, the next scene didn't escape his eyes.

Geralt probably made a sarcastic remark, cause Jaskier was now gasping and swatting at his arm. Geralt shoulders were shaking in quiet laughter, as he bumped lightly into Jaskier. For a brief moment, Geralt intertwined their pinkies together, staying like that for another moment, before letting go.

Although Eskel couldn't see Jaskier's face, he knew the bard was smiling.

Eskel almost jumped in his place when Geralt turned his head to look at him. They stared at each other for a second, before Geralt gave Eskel a faint half-smile and turned back to ther road. Eskel smiled, too.

"What are you smiling at?" Lambert asked Eskel, frowning in confusion.

Eskel sighed. "You wouldn't get a hint even it hit you in the face".

"Fuck off. Bet it took you time to realize that pretty boy and songbird over there are sleeping together".

Eskel blinked at him. "How did you know?".

"How did you not know? Not his friend, my ass".