witchy-disaster

[witchy-disaster]

nothing worse than having a fic open in a tab a few days, reading it and it's a really cute start to a story, going to post your comment and then getting a 404 error, going back to the fic and refreshing and another 404 as you realise... the author deleted their fic in the days you waited to read it because literally no one commented on it or gave kudos

[witchy-disaster]

The king needs a babysitter

Long after defeating Pariah, Danny realises something. He’s been getting stronger. It’s become harder to control his powers. God, it’s even harder to stay in one form, always flickering.

The truth? After putting Pariah Dark back in his box, he started to siphon his powers. He’s not the ghost king, Pariah is. Not by power or blood but by name. It’s an empty title.

So now the ancients feel comfortable letting him free, and wouldn’t you know it, they need someone to watch him. A babysitter to keep him from going evil again.

Sure you can have a little power back, if you do your paperwork. Of course you can have some power back to fight these little shits trying to destroy the veil, but you can’t keep it.

It’s so fun for him. Danny that is.

Except now Pariah’s been summoned for the first time in years, since the news that he’s out and about got released.

—

“I must apologise, I am not allowed to use my power without my… advisors permission.” he says calmly, folding his hands in front him. Pariah can see the way the heroes shift, the summoners anger boils but does not flow. What a pity.

“What kind of king needs a babysitter?” One of them asks so rudely. He can partially anger getting closer. Get angry. Get angry so I can justify killling you.

“The kind that likes to causes the extinction of entire species for fun.” Ah. There he is. In all his horrifying(to mortals) glory. “Hi, yes, Pariah? I must thank you for your patience. When we get home you can have an hour of partial power.”

Yes. Having an advisor is worth it.

[witchy-disaster]

[witchy-disaster]

You, the queen of a fairy tale kingdom, got cursed to give birth to a princess who’s going to live her life isolated in a tower the first 20 years of her life. Narrate how you avoid your daughter’s fate.

[witchy-disaster]

A stray in my neighborhood likes to walk on roofs and act like he can’t get down…very sweet cat but he is very dumb.

Today's aesthetic: when a cat decides it's going to make a very difficult or precise jump, spends several minutes examining the problem from all angles and warming up its muscles and minutely adjusting the positions of its paws and such, then proceeds to totally eat shit.

[witchy-disaster]

Au where Batman doesn't want to tell the Justice League his secret identity but it's because he's really embarrassed about the things he's done as Bruce Wayne.

The thing is; Batman has spent years crafting and perfecting his public persona.

'Brucie Wayne' is supposed to be a dumber than life himbo, with daddy's credit card and the maturity of a seventeen year old. He's supposed to be someone so outlandishly ridiculous no one would ever even dare to mention him in the same sentence as Batman... And Batman has been acting that part perfectly.

It's a genius plan.

But then the league begins talking about maybe all sharing their secret identities, to become closer as a group and work better together. And the only thing in Batman's mind is 'Oh. My. God. Please don't'

Superman is saying something about trust and how he has come to value all of them as friends. Batman is thinking about last year Christmas' Gala, where he took off his clothes in an improvised strip-tease, and started swimming in the fountain.

Wonder woman is talking about how she wishes to strengthen their bonds so they become greater warriors. Bruce just remembered there's videos of him fucking twerking and pole dancing to Ariana Grande all over the internet.

Flash starts smiling and telling them he already trust them with his life– Bruce once said chocolate milk came from brown cows.

'Oh. My. God'.

There's just no way he's telling any of them.

[witchy-disaster]

“Europeans live longer because they eat FRESH FOOD!!!!” Bitch, they live on cigarettes. They live longer because they have universal healthcare. I’m convinced America is obsessed with inventing things that are killing us so you don’t have to face the actual problems.

[witchy-disaster]

You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

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[witchy-disaster]

Her battle vibes are too powerful 🗡️ Blindfolded little girl plays “Ascetic” 行者 on a guzheng

Musical genius 🔥

The metronome and stopwatch were put there to shut mean people up (some comments on her other videos accused her of speeding up the videos).

This video is from her channel. The same video was uploaded on her music school’s channel first. Comments there say that weapons are going to start flying soon (referring to how musical instruments can be used in combat in wuxia movies) 🤣

[witchy-disaster]

what if Damian wasn’t sent to Bruce by Talia and instead decided to do a bit of early child-rebellion by running away to him himself. Talia, pissed off but too busy dealing with uprisings in the league to go track him down herself, calls up the person Damian is most likely to listen to other than her; his brother, who she trusts to keep him safe.

the thing is, Jason is 1: busy with his own missions atm 2: was also once a rebellious little asshole who liked to run away from home. he was Damian’s tutor once, he knows the kid can handle himself and he also knows if he CAN’T handle something he’ll contact Jason for help. he knows this because about a week before Talia called him, Damian called him.

Jason, phone balanced between his ear and shoulder: what do you want, i’m undercover

Damian: i require money for a fake passport.

Jason:

Jason, letting go of the guy he was beating up: alright you have my attention.

Damian: i am running away from home. i wish to do something ‘for the lore’ like the stories you used to tell me as a child.

Jason:

Jason ‘i’m going to ethiopia’ Todd: there’s some stuff in the fake panel under my bed. don’t tell me where you’re going, i don’t want to be complicit when Talia calls. also don’t die, because if you do i’m gonna make you eat dirt once you get out of the pit.

Damian: understood. if i am about to die, i shall call again.

Jason: have fun kiddo.

so Jason tells Talia he’ll ‘keep an eye out for any leads’ and then goes back to his normal business. league missions, his own missions, some outlaw shit, and eventually he ends up crime lording it up in Gotham. he’s a little confused when Tim Drake is seen swinging around as Red Robin rather than just Robin, but he got over his obsession with the Robin shit a while ago, so he ignores it.

until he runs into Batman and Robin. and there isn’t a mask in the fucking world that could hide his kid brother’s face from him.

Red Hood:

Robin:

Red Hood:

Robin:

Batman: why are you two staring at each other like that. what’s happening.

Robin:

Red Hood: *deep sigh*

Robin: are you going to tell mother-

Red Hood: -when you said ‘like the stories i used to tell you’.

Robin: *looks at the floor*

Red Hood: i did NOT think you meant running to a different country to find your birth parent. you fucking COPIER.

Robin:

Robin: …but you made being Robin sound so cool…

Batman: what the fuck are you two talking about?

Red Hood, pointing: you stay out of this, this is family business.

Batman: ????

[witchy-disaster]

Brucie can Crash Out sometimes

[witchy-disaster]

“Bruce doesn’t know how to cook” “Bruce doesn’t make his own bed” have you considered the possibility that Bruce knows how to do all of those things but lets Alfred do them anyway because if he doesn’t, the whole Manor falls apart?

Bruce lets Alfred make the bed because after the close call with Killer Croc last night it’s either crisp folded sheets pressed to perfection OR Alfred goes deep into the Gotham sewers with a rifle, a belt of flash-bangs, and 30 years of unresolved overprotectiveness.

let the man cook. literally, please let him cook something.

[witchy-disaster]

AU where when Bruce gets lost in time he ends up helping start the Stonewall Riots 🙏. Like it could be an accident or it could be on purpose but I need it to happen. And then whenever one of the batkids tries to jokingly accuse him of homophobia, he’s just like “actually, I threw the first brick at stonewall” and nobody knows if he’s telling the truth or not. But then like he’ll also be so adamantly against homophobia and sometimes he struggles not to bring it up in conversation.

Bruce: You’re grounded.

Tim: Wow, during Pride Month??? Way to let your biphobia show.

Bruce: My brick gave you pride month so I’m immune to that accusation.

Tim: What the fuck??? What does that even mean???

Damian, at dinner, talking about transphobes in his classes: I understand violence is discouraged at the academy, but surely this can be the exception.

Alfred: Unfortunately not Master Dam-

Bruce: Back in my day, we used to hit them with bricks and beer bottles.

Everyone: 👁️👄👁️

Alfred, trying to remember any incidents where this happened: ????

Damian: Thank you for the advice, Father.

Dick and Jason, getting picked up from the police station for getting involved in a riot against transphobes and homophobes: Listen, we can explain -

Bruce, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye: I’m so happy you decided to continue the family tradition. I couldn’t be more proud.

[witchy-disaster]

Damian becoming the Doctor of the family, treating the Bats when they're injured, and taking care of them... But doing so in the most evil unhinged ways possible.

Damian, injecting something into Bruce's arm: I'll give you an anesthetic but you are in no condition to fight, Father. You'll be on bed rest until I clear you.

Bruce, already standing up, no fucks given: Thanks, Damian. But I really need to catch these people, they are– They–

Bruce: *Begins to stumble in place* They– y-you–

Damian:

Bruce, falling to the ground: W-what did you–?

*Evil boss music starts playing in the background*

Damian, slowly approaching: Oh, sorry, did I said I would give you anesthetic? I meant to say a paralyzing agent.

Bruce:

Damian: Don't worry, Father, Black Bat will take care of the case...

Damian, carrying Bruce back to bed:And you, as I said, will be on bed rest until I clear you.

*Evil music intensifies*

*After training*

Damian: I made limonade.

Dick, reaching for a glass: Thanks, Dam—

Damian: Not that one. That one is Drake's.

Dick: Oh–

Damian, handing Dick a glass: This one is yours.

Dick: Oh.

Damian:

Dick:

Dick: Did you- Did you put something in Tim's?

Damian:

Dick:... Did you put something in mine?

Damian:

Dick:What did you p–

Damian: Drink it, Grayson. It's good for you.

[witchy-disaster]

Why become a serial killer when you can watch movies instead?