wkwage

[wkwage]

To be Human

Despite being engulfed by my blanket, a sense of false security is missing ( I pull it closer to relieve my racing heart.)

The pillow being uncomfortably wet and sticking to my skin is the only discomfort I’m feeling. Almost mocking me for my incompetence to have any authority over my bodily parts - drowning eyes, trembling fingers, clenched jaw ( I move slightly to the right - not deceiving anyone else but myself. “I removed myself from an uncomfortable position” Shakespeare would’ve put a literary device to it- Irony in its true unadulterated form.)

Help is subjective - I could get up from this pathetic comfort zone & remove myself from this destructive cycle. (Or I can simply keep quiet to ‘maintain’ the peace. Similar to how I’m turned to the side to avoid the person beside me.)

The darkness ‘helps’ with this situation. “It really sets the mood doesn’t it.” As I continue to let the weight of dark matter drag me lower into the abyss while pulling & tugging my heart strings to wring the bitterness out of it. (I deceive myself a ‘good cry’ in this favourable setting is all I need despite this being the fourth or fifth or sixth time of the week. )

It was until depressing streaks of bright orange and salmon pink that glowed upon my window. “It really kills the mood.” Then I turn to my side table where the red violent digits show: 0530. “It almost seems like it too is mad at me.” Chuckling pitifully at the realisation. (Despite the dreary setting being destroyed as each second passes, I still manage to sink deeper and deeper into the abyss that was established in times I didn’t even recognise.)

I placed my emotions on a platter, waiting for it to be devoured. I should’ve seen it coming, shouldn’t I have? This is vulnerability that no words or synonyms can hold in it its tiny hand without some of it free-falling back into the void that was thriving beforehand. Humane feelings that feel too cruel to exist. (That’s when I understood, I had it coming for me. For the next minute, next day, next month, and so on & so forth.)

a/n: Hi guys! If you’re reading this, thank you so much for reading my work. This piece has been lying in my notes app for the longest time & I thought to post it here… It’s honestly just commentary & a piece of writing when I was in a dark place but now that I’m much better, I feel more comfortable & open to sharing such intimate thoughts… Tell me what you think & what I can improve on because I do LOVE literature!