wordssicannotsay - Tumblr blog

[wordssicannotsay]

liking someone as an English major is so crazy because I’ll think I’m being so subtle and actually I'm sending him Pablo Neruda poems over email and annotating my favorite play for him. I truly completely believe that he would never notice that I’m secretly in love with him, but I literally wrote him last month, “you’ll always be my friend, no matter what century or dynasty it is- whether, by handwritten letter or some other futuristic mode of communication, we will always send sporadic, long messages to catch each other.” 

[wordssicannotsay]

people make time for what they want. if you’re a priority, you’ll know

[wordssicannotsay]

seduce my mind and you can have my body. find my soul and I’m yours forever. 

[wordssicannotsay]

i want to live my life with love. 

[wordssicannotsay]

I met you and I was encapsulated by you. I was nervous to introduce myself, I had never seen you before and I found myself immediately trying to piece together everything about you. You were glowing, there was something about you- I couldn't take my eyes off you. I tried not to make it obvious, trying to catch a glimpse of you every chance I could, was I subtle? Was it too obvious, did you know? Maybe I secretly hoped you would notice and try to catch a glimpse of me too. Is that wrong of me- to want to be wanted? To want to be as appealing to others, as you were to me? I wonder if anyone has ever felt this way about me. I tried to be funny, your laugh sounded like comfort. I wanted to hear it over and over again, I hope I was witty and clever enough to make you notice me. When you talked to me, I felt my stomach filled with every butterfly you could imagine. I could listen to you talk for hours. I couldn’t tell if you were trying to learn more about me by asking simple questions or just trying to fill the silence during the small breaks we shared. I noticed we knew a lot of the same music, I sang quietly to myself, almost hoping you would notice. I hoped you watched me the way I watch you. You were so kind to the people you interacted with. 

I wanted you to like me the way I liked you. I wanted you to think that I was interested too. After you hugged me and left, my shirt still smelt like you. I wanted to smell it forever. I asked you what cologne you wore, thinking maybe I would buy it too, so then I could keep smelling that smell forever. That smell was associated with you in my mind now. I wanted to be greedy and have it for myself. I thought that if I asked you what perfumes you suggested I buy, you would smell me to one day and like it. I hoped it would make you like me more. I kept thinking of things I could do or buy, in hopes you would like me more. 

[wordssicannotsay]

how empty of me to be so full of you

[wordssicannotsay]

what the fuck am i supposed to do. how are you gonna talk shit about me one week and then the next you’re telling my friends that you think you love me?????? do you really care about me. how am i supposed to tell if you’re telling the truth or not. i kind of just want to scream at you right now. i don’t understand. i don’t want to let you back in but it’s so hard to keep you out. are you the one for me? please don’t break my heart again, i’m so tired of going through this cycle. please tell me what i should do

[wordssicannotsay]

Did I drive you away?

I know what you'll say

You'll say, "Oh, sing one we know"

But I promise you this

I'll always look out for you

Yeah, that's what I'll do

I say "Oh"

I say "Oh"

My heart is yours

It's you that I hold on to

Yeah, that's what I do

And I know, I was wrong

But I won't let you down

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I will, yes, I will

I say "Oh"

I cry "Oh"

Yeah, I saw sparks

Yeah, I saw sparks

And I saw sparks

Yeah, I saw sparks

Sing it out

[wordssicannotsay]

'Cause I knew you would leave me

But I didn't think you could do it so easily

I never should have held your hand

… Stranger, that's all I see

When I look into your eyes

A soulmate who wasn't meant to be

Stranger, who knows all my secrets

Can pull me apart and break my heart

A soulmate who wasn't meant to be

… I never should have kissed

Kissed your hand

I am under your control

I will never understand

I never should have said

"I love you"

You never said it back

So why do I still care for you?

… Wish I could go back to the day we met and leave you be

Sit and look pretty

Never should have called

Never should have helped

Never should have kissed

Never should have said

[wordssicannotsay]

i hope she breaks your heart. because i’m ready with mine.

[wordssicannotsay]

your mind is a stream of colors

[wordssicannotsay]

i loved the ways your smile brings out your eye wrinkles.

[wordssicannotsay]

the whole worlds asleep

but my world is you.

can i be close to you?

[wordssicannotsay]

“i’m gonna have too much stuff from you... but yeah sure... i’ll take it”

[wordssicannotsay]

things are good. i’ve started the process of moving on. it hasn’t felt like such a weight lifted off my shoulders yet but it will. soon. i’m finally with someone who really cares. someone who tells me how much he loves me at random points, and hasn’t distanced himself at all. he checks up on me even at the smallest change, like we are on facetime and i took a deep breath and let it out slowly. i didn’t say anything and he immediately asked me if i was okay. and then asked are you sure,, following up with you promise? i love him so much, and it makes me feel so appreciate when he asks and checks up on me. he actually cares instead of faking it for a year. i am so happy. finally getting what i deserve.

[wordssicannotsay]

i’ve finally found you. and oh the joy it brings me to be with you.

[wordssicannotsay]

as much at it hurts me

i think i need to finally let you go.