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i'm seriously so sick and tired of everything right so i'll just say it all in here, don't say im lazy when im depressed and sleep 10 days straight in bed, you don't know how much my thoughts and feeling weigh me down and make me tired, don't tell me that just because i didnt do anything, i cant be tired. you don't know how hard it is for me to get out of bed everyday and go to school to face everyone and try not to cry in class or make an ass out of myself. you don't know how hard it is for me to constantly worry about getting panic attacks at school while everyone tells me to 'just get over it. it's nothing much'. don't tell me to not be a bitch about the fact that you /just/ touched my hand, you know i dont like when people touch me and yet you did. and i'm going to be a bitch about it. why should i keep it inside? why should i while everyone else gets to complain? it is a big deal for me.  don't tell me not to bitch about it when people call me fat. it's not a bad thing, so dont use it as if it is and make me think so too. you don't know how hard it is for me to even eat breakfast in the morning without having to worry about how much im eating. just dont. don't even comment on my food. don't look at me when i eat. all that aren't funny, alright? i just wish people stopped making it seem like a bad thing and stopped making girls have a fear of it. sexism or racism isnt funny either. you all talk about how you treat people with respect cause everyone has their own stories and then make horrible 'jokes'. jokes don't offend people, you know? it makes people laugh and happy. you all should tell real jokes sometimes. just to make someone's day. better than telling me that just because i'm a female, i cant do certain things. don't tell me that kind of crap. dont tell me that i dont have the potential to do things. you don't know me, you don't know how much i work hard for things that i really do like. and don't tell me that i have the potential to do things that i know i cant. i'm too depressed sometimes, i'm too tired and i won't be able to function well. i wish people understood that sometimes i just cant do things well. and when i say cant then i really mean it. you don't need to push me to do it. that will just stress me out more and make me hate myself. i know myself more than you know me. don't tell me that just because i like pink, i'm weak. don't tell me that just because i talk about clothes and shopping alot then it means im a weak lil baby girl. don't just tell me to calm down. you don't how many times i tried explaining to people but it didnt worked out. you don't know how many times i did change people's point of view and then there were more idiots. i just wish people stopped pointing out bad things about me and then told me not be a whiny bitch when that's all i see. i just wish people actually appreciated my effort to stop whining about those things, to stop hating myself and picking myself up. i just wish people appreciated those tiny efforts and were patient with me because i can't just go from being in a dark hole into paradise. i just wish people appreciated my efforts and let me appreciate them too. why can't anyone just not tell me how bad my drawing is when i finally do decide to do something i like? why can't anyone just not tell me that my outfit looks horrible when i have the courage to wear it? i know that getting out of bed, and eating breakfast and maybe even taking a shower is not much to you. but maybe if you actually helped rather than put me down all the time, maybe, someday those things will seem trivial things to me too.

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friends are supposed to make you feel good about yourself

just remember that

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what i mean when i say “i can’t do that” - the depression edition

i am unable to do that 

i don’t have the energy to do that

i cannot wrap my head around what you’re asking me to do

there is too much in my head right now

i can not do that 

what people hear: 

i am unwilling to do that

i am being stubborn for no reason

i am being dramatic

i am lazy

i need you to repeat that only louder

i need a push

i don’t want to do that 

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Too fucking bad, because my body is mine to do what I want with and does not have to be perfectly tailored for your viewing pleasure.

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If you want something you can have it, but only if you want everything that goes with it, including all the hard work and despair.

Philip Pullman, Clockwork 

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and i feel like a bother and annoyance right now, but at least i stopped doing bad shit to my body. 

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yeah i havent been here for awhile cause went through this self hatred moment again and even hurt myself and all the stupid shit that i promised not to do ugh but last night i talked it out with myself and im fine now 

YEPPIE KAI YAY MOTHERFUCKER

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Day 5 - How do you want to be remembered? 

idk prob as someone who was really strong & didnt let her depression beat her i guess 

because i think people think im weak cause of my depression 

i probably am but i want people to think im really strong ?????????? 

idk man 

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Day 4 - Have you emotionally harmed anyone (besides yourself) with your addiction/disorder? If so, how?

well yes 

i hurted hana alot, sometimes i felt like she is always trying to help me and all i ever do is make her more worried or upset 

there was also this time when she basically saved me from killing myself 

2012 was a hard year and it was a miracle i didnt kill myself lmao

and thanks to her im also in recovery, i hope i can make her proud too someday 

yeah

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Do not suicide 

Life is important

Please change right Direction

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Day 3 - List 3 things you like about yourself.

3 things???????? u kidding me 

my eyes

my lips (they're qt ok) 

my face shape 

my hands 

the mole on my arm  

my big nose (it's rly cute if u think about it ) 

my sense of humor 

pft 3 things they said 

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[world-quests]

Please drink a lot of water and get the right amount of sleep, so that you feel good.