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Posted a new story on Wattpad - My Timeswept Heart - Chapter 1 Support my story by voting on Wattpad!

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Posted a new story on Wattpad - Chapter 1 Support my story by voting on Wattpad!

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Oh, The Sights To Behold (Heading North On I-495).

Yesterday afternoon, while returning home from the Apple Store in Salem, NH, I was passed by a black car with a HUGE Batman insignia on the hood, and on the back windshield: "Scream BATMOBILE - Road Trip Texas!" My life is officially complete... Well, at least in the sense that seeing that car was f*ckin' tubular, bra! Oh, and just FYI, I sped ahead of it a little ways after it originally passed me; yes, I successfully outmaneuvered the BATMOBILE!

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It was staring at me; so I did the only thing I could do. I took a lame-*ss picture with my cell phone and posted it on here for all the world to gawk at. *bows*

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The Most Dangerous Game.

According to Wikipedia: The Free and Unequivocal Center of Knowledge (see also F.U.C.K), "Hunting is the practice of pursuing any living thing...for food, recreation, or trade."  This being said, one who takes part in said activity for any of the aforementioned reasons would be labeled a "hunter (see also http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRk4_G2XXp4)."  Fair enough. 

So, what is my point, exactly, you ask?  Well, ever since the moment I realized I had a certain...affinity, if you will...for the opposite sex (i.e. boys), I've always been a sort of "hunter."  I've been the pursuer, not the (well, since I'm already speaking with a sort of jargon in regards to "hunting" in general, why not continue?) prey. 

I feel like I do this for two reasons, really.  The first being somewhat superficial; I want a relationship.  I know...wanting a boyfriend isn't really all that shallow, per se, but if you recall I did say somewhat.  Anyway, before I digress even further...  The second reason is a bit more substantial, in my opinion; I fear that if I am not constantly seeking out possible contenders for a successful relationship, then I will never find "the One (see also lover, partner, and/or - dare I say it - potential mate?)." 

I mean, think about it for a moment... 

There are roughly 7,134,251,034 people on this planet as of this moment!  Wait...  Make that 7,134,251,283 people.  No, hold on... Oh, screw it, you get the idea!

There is a sh*tload of people inhabiting the Earth, and that means approximately half of said sh*tload are men.  Therefore, if my calculations are correct (and they are), finding "the One" out of 3.5 billion is quite the feat; the ol' "needle in the haystack" metaphor, if you will. 

Now, that's not to say it's impossible; just rather difficult - and by "difficult," I mean mindbogglingly confusing!  

Think about it.  How in God's, Allah's, Zeus's, Horus's (okay, you get the idea; political correctness is absurd, at times) name am I, or anyone for that matter, supposed to find the love of my life if I have to wade through an ocean of not-the-loves-of-my-life to do so? 

Then, I thought it over...again and again and...AGAIN!  And finally, after about twelve (yes, twelve) seconds of hardcore pondering, I arrived at the only feasible conclusion I could...

"Birds of a feather flock together" is the old maxim meaning that people who share similar interests, likes, and dislikes usually find one another - whether it be through clubs, mutual acquaintances, or the like - it just...happens...

I believe, correct me if I'm wrong (and by that I mean: "let me live in blissful ignorance"), that Aristotle thought the best relationships - relationships of any kind - are made up of people who, well..."flock together." 

So, by that logic:

if A (people with similar interests) = B (cause to form a relationship), and B = C (me meeting "the One");

then, A must thereby = C.

Translation: If I want to find my one true love, I need only look for people who share certain qualities with me (i.e. similar political views, aspirations, hobbies, etc.). 

So, I guess what I'm trying to say (in the most ambiguous way possible) is that finding "the One" is not nearly as treacherous a feat as I once thought.  Therefore (here we go with that logic again), I should no longer search high and low for the guy of my dreams, but rather, I should let it...well...happen. 

Saying of the day (SOTD): "Stop searching, start seeing."

Author: Me! 

Fin (see also "The End").

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I just had to… You’ll soon see why…

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Ocean.

I picture lights, embedded in every single cell of your being. Because that's the only way I believe it's possible for you to shine as bright as you do in my eyes; for every part of you, inside and out, is drenched in beauty and detail. I am perplexed, astonished, and forever falling. Because you make me believe there is good, you make me believe in finding warmth in the winter, and cool comfort on those hot summer days. The sun, it rests in your eyes, and I'm sinking in deep. I don't ever want to surface again.

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Forever Has Never Felt More Real.

At times I wonder if I could have rested my foot on the concrete differently, in a way that wouldn't have scarred you the way I did.  But there's no way to take away my footprints anymore.  I find it shameful to think that if I were given the chance, I'd go back to that old parking lot where I first complimented you, where you first spoke to me.  Knowing that even with my hardest efforts...when I'd walk away from that moment, I would end up leaving the same way I did now; and you wouldn't know how to get rid of my trace.  I'm sorry for all the words I engraved in your mind and all of the pillows I wet with my tears.  All the confusion I left in my wake, and all the love that will constantly stream down your back as you try to wash me away.  Even so, I've begun to accept that my skin is no longer my own, at least not as much as it was before.  You lived in it for too long for me not to remember you. 

I'm sorry, but I love you. 

I will always love you. 

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Appreciation.

On nights like this one, where everything in my life faces me and tries to compose itself in a beautiful way, a way that won't make me look at myself and feel let-down; I lift up dusted curtains that I don't like lifting very often and try to make sense of everything that ever hid under my smiles.  Knowing that there was some kind of pain I went through before reaching the point where I had enough power to feel joy again.   It's when days like today happen that I take a good look at myself and wonder why it is that I forget so easily how privileged I've been all along, all the beautiful structures and faces I lay eyes on on a daily basis. 

What if I wouldn't have made it?  Why didn't I ask for your name and how you were, even though it was on the tip of my tongue?  And you, aged and beautiful woman, why didn't I tell you that you look as amazing as you did in your prime, that the wisdom you wear in your tender walk and calm style is one deserving of admiration?  How about you, a strong man looking as though you are about to shatter from stress, how come I didn't lend you a smile or a kind 'hello?'  I beg life to be patient with me, to please hold on to me, because there's so much I have taken advantage of, there is so much I want to tell the people that always get lost in the crowd.  There are so many more times I want to hug my mother, so many days I want to spend watching little Jesse grow up.  There's so much love I want to give to you, so much of myself I want to show to you, so much happiness I want to wrap you with.  Tonight...tomorrow...and for many many days to come; music will have never sounded better, my mom will have never looked this beautiful, the sunrise will have never been so kind, the sunset so loving.  And you...  I'll have never loved you as much as I do tomorrow...and the day after...and the day after...until forever gets so tired of me it becomes my own, where I can find beauty even in the moments I feel broken and alone. 

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A Balancing Act.

Sometimes I wonder if laziness is a fault or a virtue.  Okay okay, laugh!  Geez...  I know it's a weird thing to wonder.  But it's like when I wonder if being productive all the time is a fault or a virtue.  It's so hard to maintain balance in life, know how much of what you need and what you have to throw away.  I find myself holding on to the wrong things a lot of the time; but that's just the thing you see, that thought really frustrates me.  Because I feel like that just makes me fall into the 'paranoid' category.  The thought of being categorized at all really frustrates me, I don't know why. 

I mean, I can only conclude that it comes from growing so sick of school and how people always had labeled one another 'prep',' 'geek,' 'jock.'  Things like that would really get under my skin.  So I would make it my goal to be able to talk to everybody.  Maybe not become close, but at least have encountered a good amount of people, conversations here and there, so as to not appear that I really belonged anywhere.  But even in THAT I was over-thinking things.  You see what I mean?  This whole limbo with balancing, what to do and what not to do.  I mean where did that even derive from...a way to do things, and a way not to do things.  Am I making any sense?  I just don't understand when humanity was made to believe that, you know: love was viewed a certain way, that education had to flow in one direction, where kids got the notion that everybody had to be somebody and not just 'be,'  Maybe I strive for the impossible.  To be the 'no name' would be a pretty huge privilege for me.  Speaking of 'no name...': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SO4LyKd-Hws I don't know where I'm going with this...it's just that sometimes, we think that according to what we are told is the best; IS the best.  Get what I'm saying?  But sometimes, being nobody is just as good.  Not being able to be defined in any way shape or form is even more valuable and admirable.  That is my ultimate I think...it may never be attainable, but a girl can dream right?  I remember one time, I went to read a book at lunch in a quiet corner away from all the noise, and I noticed that written in the corner of the wall, in small letters was:

"Sometimes in the most quiet, most empty places, the mind is found in all its beauty..." 

I don't know if you can see how exactly that's relevant.  But sometimes we (including myself completely) struggle with this idea of always having to be rational with life and balance and the things we do and how we should do them, when sometimes it's in those empty places, the places that require absolutely nothing, where beauty is found; places that make a person acquire something greater than egotistical pleasure, or endless pride.  Something silent and humble...where suddenly everything is balanced.  I think those are the places worth living in, and those are the moments I live for. 

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WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?

Hands down, my answer would have to be Ireland.  It's always been this way with me; don't ask why, because sadly even I don't know.  I'll take suggestions regarding my reasoning behind said choice, though!

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Wednesday.

Today was conflicting, in a way.  I felt motivated and lazy, happy and pessimistic, looking forward to my bed, and yet not looking forward to the night at all.  I wanted to do so much and yet felt so incapable.  I don't know if you've ever had day's like this, where emotions can be so overwhelming they drown you mentally.  They require so much thought your mind just can't process it all.  Where briefly you see everything as it should, and you want to make the rest of the world see it like this too.  To be able to grant people the peace the old couple sharing their small pecan square and coffee, to the rest of the world.  For every heart to feel the acceptance that woman felt when her husband gently caressed her face and kissed her forehead.  For every body to feel the warmth and safety that a mothers embrace brings.  It's hard not to see a world painted gray and to lose the bright colors of all things good. But that is the most powerful feeling out of all of them, the one that makes me keep on seeing the good, the one that makes me have faith in humanity, if even only a small portion.  The one that tells me I just can't give up.

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A snippet of an original song that I just happened to have left in its incomplete state for the time being.  Enjoy. 

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"We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out."

Winston Churchill