wozorb - Tumblr blog

[wozorb]

me: i don’t rlly have a catradora hot take of an au

also me: okay so the heiress falls for her ex-assassin head of security and they proceed to pine over each other through intense glances as the rest of the security team commentate in the backgro-

bonus

[wozorb]

Im always waiting for you to come home. I used to think that you running away from me was like when you ran away as a kid. A cry for attention, for validity of your emotions. A way to say, im so angry im leaving and i wanna see how much you care. I always reached out, chased after you.

I thought it would make you feel loved, and show how much i care, but instead you just ran farther away. You told me when you ran you needed space. It took me a while but i understood eventually.

I stopped chasing you and waited for you to come home instead. I try to take you at your word. I want you to know i believe you always. Even when sometimes things you tell me make me doubt that. Like how you used to empty beer bottles to make it look like you were drinking more than you were. I thought you were driving drunk or tipsy, or at least that you were drinking a six pack outside. I was so scared. It took you two years to tell me that. I kind of laughed but inside i was screaming. It felt manipulative and gross, but i think you just wanted me to care. To be worried. You didnt know that i already was. I would have been without the alcohol because i love you so goddamn much.

Even knowing that, i stopped chasing you.

But the thing is that you never really come home to me. Never in your heart. I say i want to talk and you say, "i dont have anything you say. But talk." So i say my piece and then you walk away and we don't talk for an hour, or a day, or two days. Eventually i sit down next to you snd scratch your leg and you let me sit down and you don't pull away. We sit and watch your favorite reality tv shows, and i hold my breath and hope you are willing to talk to me again.

Because the thing is that ive been ready and willing to talk. Ive been hoping and praying that youll talk to me. Ive been dreaming that this time, you will sit down next to me, and scratch my leg, and do something i love with me. But i cant remember a time thats ever happened.

I keep waiting for you to sit down first. Sometimes i run away too. But every time it's because im desperately hoping you will chase after me. Even if we fight and scream -which we never do- at least you would have reached out. Often times Youll text me eventually. We wont be talking and you text me to complain about work and then when you come home i know i can sit down and scratch your leg. I see it as the peace offering it is. It just isnt enough.

Im sitting outside on the front porch, watching cars drive by, looking for yours. Im at once desperate and dreading seeing you pull up. Desperate because i miss you, dreading because i know you will walk by me on the porch. I came out here because i was hoping you would sit down next to me. Instead i watched you drive away.

You left me again. I texted you. I said "Im a giant coward and i never can actually tell you anything important about what im feeling in real time. Only over text. But i want to try talking this out and try to communicate healthily. I miss you and i dont want to fight again. When you are ready to talk can you come home? Im still on the porch waiting for you."

You said "me going back to that house does not mean i want to talk" and "i want to be heard and i don’t feel that so i don’t want to talk"

and I said "I just want us to develop healthy coping mechanisms for conflict between us is all, so let me know when you do want to talk" and "thats fine. Im not trying to push you. I want to hear you and be heard as well"

You said "can i be left alone now"

I said "yeah babe".

I know i share blame in our fights. Of course i do. I would never pretend otherwise. I just dont know how to fix my part in whats broken.

I want to so badly.

Why can't we hold each other and cry? Ive been crying, maybe youve been crying. Why can't we sit on the porch, and we dont even have to talk, we can just apologize, say we love each other, cry to each other, take comfort in each other. We can work out the root of the problem later! Thats fine! I can affirm that i see and validate your pain and you see and validate mine.

Instead you walk by me on the porch after you come home. Im still sitting and waiting for you. You shut the door, and then you come out just to ask if i took the dog out. I say yes. You go back inside and i stay here and write this.

And i still dont know what you want. Should i sit down and scratch your leg? Do you want me to follow you inside? Ive stopped trying to chase you but ive never been 100 percent sure you dont want to be chased.

At the end of the day, i would die a thousand destbs everyday for you. Sometimes i feel like I am. But i know in your head are thoughts as valid as mine. And i guess im terrified ive been the asshole the entire time.

I try so hard everyday not to trigger you my darling, and i always fail, and everytime you leave me, whether in body or spirit. And i die a little bit each time as i watch you walk away and i wonder if its entirely my fault that you left.

And still i love you endlessly and wait for you to come home.

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Im just tired of never hearing you say sorry.

Id bleed myself dry for you over and over.

I just need a little blood back afterwards.

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I feel like i try so hard but only the mistakes are noticed. I change how i drive how i listen how i talk but only the adhd mistakes are noticed. And they are corrected and then im punished with anger somehow and im in trouble bc my mistake somehow made them so mad. And if i say sorry and it was genuinly a mistake then i don't understand why we cant move on! Im trying so fucking hard but its not good enough for you. Maybe im not good enough.

Do you hate me? It feels like it sometimes.

Why do you never ever apologize? You never say sorry in a way that feels meaningful. Never in a way that makes me feel loved. So im crying now not bc of just this situation but bc of all the other ones just like this that hurt just as much but i brushed off.

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dont ask me what this is girl i dont KNOW

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I wasn’t as into it as it looked like. I wanted to stop after the first kiss and hide my face in your neck and say I’m ok I like kissing my wife and that’s the only person I ever want to kiss again. But I wanted to be cool. And I thought don’t I owe it to my younger self to do this? When I’ve spent so much time being ashamed of how I lived how I was a prude? And I did things. Even though my gut told me to stop. Even though I felt uncomfortable. And everyone was looking at me to see if I wanted to keep going but I was looking at you and you seemed encouraging so I thought. Maybe this is good.

More than anything u were holding me. You kissed me like you loved me like I was the only thing on your mind. I wouldn’t have been able to be held that way by you if that hadn’t happened and I didn’t want jt to stop. I forgot about them to be honest. When you were kissing me.

I’ve been feeling neglected but it’s not about the sex. I don’t want that I just want your undivided attention for you to rub my back and want to hold my hand and ask me to lean on you so you can hold me. But I feel like every time I try to initiate that it just shut down and rejected.

So I just scratch your head which I love because it’s the only type of touch that never gets rejected. And I like making you feel good I just wish that you would watch to scratch my head back.

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i really dont want to

I really dont want to do this. i hate it. even though its what i want. i want to go back to school and i want to study history and write and research and teach and find some meaning in this world which is killing me slowly.

but editing my essay? id rather die. like it feels like my heart is exploding. i hate doing anything twice.

i hate my job even though its a damn good job because its the same every single day. jesus. monotony kills me faster than anything else.

so really this is hope. this application. its hope and a future that wont kill me. its a promise that i might get to live my dream. its a promise to my wife that their life could be more than it is now. its a promise that they can do hard things too, things that seem impossible.

so i can do this. i love you darling and i am doing this for you and because of you.

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I’m so sad. Everything is hard. I want to hide from the world bc it’s a lot. I wish I could live a simple life. I wish doing this didn’t feel like an insurmountable challenge. I’m on the couch and under a blanket. I can’t even clean. I made my dog go under the blanket with me because I didn’t want to be alone.

I want to cry. I want to do the last decade over again. I wish I knew then what I knew now.

The truth is that I can make my life what I want it to be. I really can. I just feel like I can’t.

I wish I had some life changing Mary Oliver quote I could tattoo on my brain and fix it.

[wozorb]

Lesbianism runs absolutely rampant all over evermore...

[wozorb]

𝖠𝗋𝗍 𝖻𝗒 𝖠𝗇𝗇𝖺-𝖫𝖺𝗎𝗋𝖺 𝖲𝗎𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗏𝖺𝗇 | 𝖨𝖦: 𝖺𝗇𝗇𝖺𝗅𝖺𝗎𝗋𝖺_𝖺𝗋𝗍

[wozorb]

WHICH ONE OF YALL MADE THIS 😂😂😂

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Gloria: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Barbie: AS ENEMIES?! 💔

Gloria:

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me anytime they had a scene together:

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This would help a lot of people, and it's one of the reasons it's so important to push back against the "but the parties are equally bad, so you shouldn't bother voting" type rhetoric.

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