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writersblog1d · 3 years ago

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White Lilies - Harry Styles One-Shot

*Uni-Harry AU

It seemed fit, at the time of choosing, to have lilies for the ceremony. Harry thought it was hilarious and Y/N, ‘yes, Harry, I have a tattoo after the flower, that I got while drunk’, couldn’t help but roll her eyes and accept, after all, there was little they wouldn’t do to make each other smile. So, if having lilies as the decoration made Harry happy, she would make sure to bloom a thousand for him.

In hindsight, Y/N had to give it to Harry. The white lilies, red dahlias, and red tulips, all came together quite nicely in small bouquets spread across the field. They were placed in a string connecting the chairs on the end of the rows, they were on the ground, and top of some other surfaces.

And one would stop to think about the meaning behind the flowers… Well, it just made it all even more fitting.

It was a small ceremony, nothing too fancy or too dramatic. Something just for the ones Y/N and Harry would consider family, the ones they loved and loved them back.

Y/N could see her best friend, Marie, sitting on the second row, hands intertwined with her girlfriend. She could see Harry’s sister, Gemma, in the first row, wearing a tailored suit that had a pin that looked suspiciously like a deer on it. She could also see Harry’s parents, crying.

She could see everyone.

And they were, mostly, looking at her, expecting her to say something. Because that’s what she was supposed to do now, wasn’t it? The priest had given his cue and now it was her time to speak. So why couldn’t she?

Her eyes scanned the small crown once more, before settling on Harry. She didn’t know if she should cry or smile, so she cleared her throat and closed her eyes tightly, before beginning.

“I remember the first time I said yes to going out with you. Mind you, I had turned you down so many times by them, it was a miracle you were still asking when most would’ve let it go so long before.” Y/N began, a soft smile on her face. “We met in school, but I thought you were a pretentious douchebag at first and your constant nagging about wanting to take me on a date didn’t help. But eventually, your jokes and how you would flirt with me when we crossed paths in school, started to annoy me less and less. In fact, I started to look forward to it. To this day, I don’t know what made you change your posture towards me, but I will give it to your maturity, because I am generous like that, and say that what really made me start to enjoy your company, was how with time I stopped being this ‘Y/N-flower’ construct and began to be your friend. You no longer saw me through rose-colored glasses and that changed it all.”

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The graduation day seemed so far away, months from actually happening, but Y/N couldn’t help but stress. Rationally speaking, there was no reason for her to be stressing as nearly as she was. Y/N had been staying on top of her classes during her whole academy path and she was up to date on everything the professors had given the students this semester.

So really, it was fine.

Except, as much as Y/N liked to think of herself as a rational person, she knew that she wasn’t being one at that time, because there she was, sitting on the bench near her latest class and stressing about essays she didn’t have to write for another few weeks. Besides, any rational person would not be blushing under Harry’ stare and would definitely not be thinking about how nice his hands felt around hers.

Sure, Y/N had been figuring out that Harry was not as horrible as she made him out to be, before, but this was too much.

“Hey, Y/N?” she heard him calling her out of her thoughts, “Lost you there for a minute.”

Cheeks turning red, Y/N quickly moved away from Harry, taking her hands from his. “S-sorry. I guess I have been stressing too much about exams and our graduation, I just lost myself for a bit.” She pushed her hair behind her ear and turned to Harry, “Thank you for checking on me.”

“Are you serious?” He exclaimed, “You were nearly having a panic attack, there was no way I was gonna just keep on walking. That’s not what friends do.” he told her, smiling as he went. “And if my silly jokes and infinity chatter about sports could help? Well, then I am really glad I was the one to found you here.”

“I was too,” she said, quietly, trying to prevent him from seeing her blush.

“Well then, I am glad to see you better, but I kinda have to go to my next class. The Professor doesn’t take too well to tardiness, y’know?” he asked, getting up and ready to leave. “I am really glad you are smiling again, Y/N.”

“Thanks, I suppose I own you one for this.” She replied, her pinks a permanent pink.

“No, not for this.” He said seriously, turning his body in the direction of his class while still facing Y/N. “I will see you, okay? You know where to find me if you need me. Take care, Y/N.”

But before Harry could take more than two steps away from her, Y/N found words coming out of her mouth without thinking it twice. “Not even gonna ask me on a date this time? I mean, you did save me for having a breakdown just there, and you have asked me out for less before!” she exclaimed, getting up.

Her hands were sweaty, and she could swear that her heart was about to explode, but she kept her fake confidence, while Harry just seemed shocked out of words. That is until he shook his head and looked at her smiling.

“I don’t want to take you on a date because I saved you from a panic attack, Y/N, I want to do it because you want to go out with me.” He said, still smiling at her. Not his usual smirk or that stupid, yet a good type of stupid, smile he had when he thought she did something amazing; just a simple smile.

“And what if I want to?” she inquired, tilting her head and letting her hair cover her scarlet-tinted face.

“Do you?” he pressed; eyes bright with hope.

“Yes,” she whispered, “I do.”

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Laughing to herself, as she recalled the memory, Y/N went on, “You took me out for a drink and you got me a box of chocolates, ‘cause you said you didn’t know what flowers to get.” She chuckled, “And we had an amazing time. We laughed, and we shared stories and by the end of the night you had me saying yes to another date.” She recalled. “I’m still not sure what made me say yes the first time, but I am so glad I did because that led to so many other ‘yeses’ that ultimately led us here.”

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They had done a variety of things together, they had a picnic once, they had a nice dinner the other day and Harry had taken to show her all about his favorite sport lately. But this was different, more private in some way, even if they were out in the public.

It felt nice to be sitting on the grass, looking at the stars and the somewhat view. Harry wasn’t big on astronomy, but Y/N was set on showing him all of her favorite constellations she could see.

“This is nice.” Harry voiced, echoing what she had been thinking. His hand had long settled on top of hers and she was more than happy to let it there, even going as far as turning her hand around to take his on it.

“Yeah, it is.” She smiled, adjusting herself as she felt Harry sitting up.

“Y/N.” He called, making her stare and him. “Sorry, this is rather nerve-wracking.” He laughed, before scratching his throat and seemly settling. “I suppose what I want to say, or rather ask, is if you might want to consider being my girlfriend?” he rushed out, cheeks red even in the dark of night.

Squeezing his hand, Y/N replied. “Yes, I think I would like to be your girlfriend.”

Harry seemed to be in a state of shock, not quite grasping that Y/N had said yes to be being his girlfriend after so many failed attempts before. And Y/N wasn’t much better, not understanding how it had come to this, but not complaining either.

Either way, Harry seemed to regain his surroundings rather quickly, as he got closer to Y/N, smiling like a fool before putting one hand on her cheek.

“Can I kiss you?” He whispered. “Girlfriend.”

And Y/N decided that answer was better given in the form of the kiss itself.

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Tears roamed free down Y/N’s face, but she didn’t care. Those were happy memories, happy times, so she continued, “Saying yes to being your girlfriend, was one of the easiest choices, even if I came across differently to you. And our first kiss led to so many others, our friends even came to a point where they threatened to make a ‘kiss-jar’.” She laughed. “And time went on and suddenly, we were graduated, celebrating our first anniversary and I couldn’t imagine myself without you anymore. So, obviously, you decided it was time for another big question.”

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Y/N had taken to work full-time in the bookstore as soon as she graduated while trying to figure out what she actually wanted to do with her life, after all, she couldn’t stay living with her parents forever. Harry, on the other hand, wasn’t having the same problems, as not only he had scored a pretty good job right out of school, even if he was just a trainee for now, but he also came from money and living with his parents was more of a comfort than a necessity.

Neither house was exactly near their workplaces, but they made it work, even if it meant out of their ways to spend just a little more time together.

They were both sitting on Harry’ bed, backs against the wall, hands intertwined, as Y/N rested her head against his shoulder. It was domestic, it was simple, but that moment it was theirs, even if they were too tired to fully appreciate it, sometimes.

“You know, I was thinking…” Harry began, being interrupted by Y/N laughing softly.

“Be careful not to hurt yourself” she added.

“Yes, very funny, love.” He rolled his eyes, gently shoving Y/N with his shoulder and earning a laugh out of her. “Anyway, I was thinking, and I have come to the conclusion that we, like you and me, should get a flat together. Somewhere in the middle of our way to work, you know?! This way we won’t have to leave as early, and we will get to see each other every day.” He rambled. “I reckon that with what I am earning, what you earn, and more what my parents set aside for me for when I graduated, we could find a nice place.”

She could see he was nervous, by the way, the hand holding hers was shaking and his talking faster and faster. She couldn’t help but find it anything but endearing.

“Harry…” she tried, but he was on a rampage.

“I know you hate when I pay for dinner or give you extravagant presents, because I know you keep telling yourself I am somehow gonna think you are only with me because of my money, which is ridiculous because I am the one wanting to do these things, I know you don’t expect me to.” Harry ranted, “But I made the math and with my parent’s money, well I suppose it is mine now, we can pay for a few months of rent in advance for a nice place, which will mean I can save up my salary for future rents and we can use your salary for food and bills, or the other way around.”

“Harry…” she said again, to no avail.

“Look, it is a solid plan, okay? I really thought this through, and I want nothing more than to do this with you.” He squeezed her hand, looking at her. “So, what do you say? Wanna move in with me?”

And throwing herself at him, making her lay on top of him in bed, she exclaimed, “Yes!”.

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Breathing deeply and cleaning her tears away, Y/N picked up, “Moving in with you seemed like the natural next step, but we have to agree that moving day was a disaster.” She shook her head fondly at the memory, “For someone that practiced sports his whole life, you were a terrible help on moving the boxes inside and sorting them out. You were an even worst help when we had to take everything out of the boxes and actually arrange them in their places. I was so stressed and keen on making sure the house would be all sorted out and perfect and you just kept distracting me with kisses and music.” She smiled brightly.

Sneaking a glance at the crowd, Y/N could Harry’ mom crying, although she couldn’t be sure if it was her speech or the situation. These ceremonies do tend to make people emotional, after all.

“Unfortunately, not everything was perfect. We had disagreements some days, I think it would be impossible not to, and other days we would fight so bad that it always left us questioning everything, from why we were even fighting to if it was worth fighting. Sometimes fighting for us, others for what we believed.” Y/N’s voice was somber now, but still firm, even if the tears wouldn’t stop coming.

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After six months of living together, Y/N decided that it was time for her to get a different job, one in the area she wanted to have a career in. As much as she loved the bookstore, Y/N loved the thought of working somewhere else more.

Therefore, she did what one would do when wanting to change jobs and went searching. Whatever job opportunity she found, not that there were many, she applied to.

It wasn’t until a few other months, that Y/N received a letter saying she had been accepted into an apprenticeship. To say she was over the moon was an understatement, and surely, she would have to talk this over with Harry, but maybe she could keep working on the bookstore part-time, while she waited for the apprenticeship to become a real job.

In retrospect, Y/N should’ve known this was how Harry would react to her news, especially when he found out Nate would be taking on this apprenticeship alongside her, but she couldn’t help but feel justified in her anger at that moment. Couldn’t help but wonder how little Harry trusted her.

“So what? I am going to have to see Nate a few days a week, it’s not a bit deal!” Y/N exclaimed, getting out of their room and moving to the living room, frustrated. “It’s not like we still managed to date and have zero problems with this before when I had classes with him during last year.” She remarked, sarcastically. “Oh, wait. We did!”

“Yes, but you didn’t have much of a choice back then!” Harry shouted back, following her. “Now you are deliberately choosing to work with him, to spend time with him. So, excuse me, if I don’t feel comfortable having my girlfriend spend hours with a guy that we know for sure has had a crush on her for the biggest time!” he threw his hands in the air, frustrated. “Plus, he hates me, and you know it!”

Turning to glare at Harry, Y/N felt so close to snapping. All she could think was about how Harry was exaggerating and being unfair. “Oh, so this is about you!” she accused, continuing mockingly “You just don’t want me close to someone that dislikes you, because heaven’s forbidden people to have a somewhat negative view of you, Saint Harry.”

Harry made a noise to protest, visibly angry at being accused by Y/N, however, she quickly shut him down. “Is either that or you don’t trust me enough to be in the same place as someone who might have feelings for me.”

“Of course, I trust you, Y/N!” he protested fiercely. “I just don’t trust Nate.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Y/N exploded. “You are gonna give me that crap? There is no need to trust Nate, because if you trust me, then that should be more than enough for you to know that nothing will happen between us! And you can go fuck yourself if you don’t agree.” she had started to cry somewhere along with the fight, and now that she had snapped, the tears lay heavy on her face.

For a minute the pair was quiet, Y/N’s quiet sobs and Harry’ heavy breathing echoing on the walls of their home. And then Harry was hugging Y/N, whispering reassurances, his cheek resting on top of her head.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, “You are right. I trust you and that is enough. I’m sorry.”

Y/N wanted to be mad, she had so many things she had yet to say to him. She didn’t want this problem to be shoved under a rug, didn’t want to pretend she wasn’t hurt by the fight, and that Harry wasn’t hurt, even if Y/N couldn’t quite see why he would be. But as he wrapped her in a warm embrace, calming her down, Y/N didn’t have the strength to keep fighting.

Not at that moment.

“Please, forgive me.” He begged, separating enough from her so that he could look at her eyes. “Will you stay?”

“Yeah.” She sighed.

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If she stopped to pay attention, Y/N thought she could hear more people crying now. From the corner of her eyes, she could see Michal holding tight to Gemma’ hand, maybe even shedding a tear or two, he had always been one of the biggest supporters of their love, after all.

“Some fights were harder on us than others, but we got through them, eventually. You told me you read it wasn’t good to sleep on a fight, so that meant not sleeping sometimes.” She said halfheartedly. “I think we overcame a lot as individuals and we grew so much, into ourselves and our roles in each other lives. So, when you blurted that you wanted to marry me, interrupting my lovely story about the crazy lady at the supermarket, who by the way was asking to get hit by something, my only answer could be ‘yes’.” She giggles. “After I stopped laughing at your ridiculously red face, of course.”

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It had become a tradition after Y/N moved in closer to Marie’s house and they started to see each other more again, to go out for tea and gossip every Wednesday. It just happened, that this time, Y/N had come bearing the biggest gossip of the year, in her eyes.

“No way!” the girl exclaimed, not worried about the glares she got from the other client at the café. “Let me see it!”

Giggling like a teenager, Y/N showed Marie her hand, the ring Harry gave her wrapping her finger gracefully. “Mind you, the ring came after the actual proposal, but I am not complaining.”

“I would hit you if you were.” Marie threatened. “It’s beautiful.”

And it was.

“Harry said that Gemma tried to convince him to get a large, gold band, with a red rock on the middle, but he knew I would like something simpler,” Y/N explained, bringing her hand close to her face and looking at the ring once more. “I find it that he was right.”

“Harry knows you,” Marie stated simply, “which is why I don’t understand why he thought a big proposal would be a good idea. And why I am grateful he is a dumbass who is too in love with you and ruined his plans.”

Both girls laughed and Y/N raised her cup to the air, “Cheers to that!”

The conversation moved along after that, with both girls enjoying their drinks and chatting about life. Marie told Y/N about this new job opportunity she had, and in exchange, Y/N confessed she had been offered the full-time job, she would no longer be an apprentice.

“So how is the planning coming along?” Marie asked as they were getting ready to leave.

“Not coming at all,” Y/N replied. “I mean, we haven’t been engaged for not even a week yet.”

“True.” She noted. “But still, when you do start planning, you know I will love to help you, right?”

Smiling fondly at her friend, Y/N replied. “Yeah, I know that.”

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The flowers, the food that would be served after the ceremony, the pin holding her hair back. It had all been planned, chosen, carefully picked, to ensure the perfect day.

“You insisted on white lilies for the wedding, despite my many warnings of the flower’s meaning. You were so set on making them work with other, somewhat more cheerful, flowers, that I had no choice but to let it be.” Y/N recalled, her eyes trailing over the flowers as she spoke. “I am very glad that I let you run with your silly joke about lilies, they do look amazing.”

She could taste the salty tears on her face, and she was sure that her makeup was running down her cheeks, but Y/N didn’t let that stop her. She had, after all, a speech to finish, a vow to make.

“You also insisted on seeing my wedding dress before the actual wedding date.” She rolled her eyes fondly, “Multiple times, may I add. But I wanted to surprise you, so I just told you to suck it up and wait, remember? I am pretty sure you laughed and called me bossy, but what Harryers is that you accepted it you wouldn’t see the dress before the wedding.” She said.

“That didn’t mean you didn’t pester me constantly about wanting a sneak peek on the dress.” She chuckled, “But it was fine, because to each day that you bothered me about the damn dress, it was one day we were closer to the wedding until less than 24 hours were left before you could see it.”

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Everything in their relationship had been pretty traditional, some would call, so it made sense for them to spend their last night before the marriage separated.

Harry had insisted that Y/N stayed at the flat and called some of her friends, maybe even her mom, to stay with her; while he would stay with Gemma and Michal for the night. She hadn’t argued much, honestly, knowing that Harry loved his sleepovers, even if he refused to call it that way.

And soon, Y/N found herself without Harry on their flat, with Marie and a lovely glass of wine to keep her company.

The plan for the night wasn’t a complicated one. Y/N would stay in, laughing and drinking with Marie, working on finishing writing her vows and trying not to freak out, because “what if Harry decides he doesn’t want to be with me anymore”. To which Marie had quickly worked to assure her that no Harryer how many fights they had, or how many curses they threw at each other, there would not be a day where Harry didn’t want to be with Y/N.

So, when Y/N’s phone rang not long after Marie decided to cook them dinner and Y/N had started to polish her vows, she didn’t think much of it when picking it up.

What followed were a series of shouts and curses, that eventually led to Y/N begging for it all to be a joke. “No, I am not hearing this, because we are getting married tomorrow! We are! And if this is a joke, it is a terrible one, Harry.” Y/N cried on the phone, “Just stop and tell me it is a joke.”

And surely it was a joke because all Y/N can remember after that is falling asleep to the sound of Harry’ voice. “I will see you tomorrow, Y/N-flower. I will be the one wearing black.”

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“And as I write this vow, I am hoping the dress was everything you had envisioned, Harry. Although I am not sure why you were so obsessed with the dress in the first place.” Y/N smiled, trying to keep her voice from breaking. “And because I know people must be tired of hearing our love story, I am going to wrap this up.” She cleared her throat. “I vow to adore and cherish you forever; to not give your things up, no Harryer how old or neglected they are; to do my best to understand what game is playing and who I should be cheering for; to never go to bed in the middle of a fight; to always let you choose dessert because you always let me choose the main course; to protect our kid from your naming skills and to never, ever, stop loving you.”

It was like all the cries Y/N had heard before, all the sniffling and heavy breaths she knew had been coming from the small crowd, stopped. Suddenly, it was just her and her tears, and it was wrong. It was so wrong.

A beat passed in silence, then a sigh, and after, a muffled sob, before Y/N mastered the courage to keep talking. She wasn’t done yet, there was so much to say and so little time.

“And if fate had decided differently, those vows would have stayed with us forever. As it is, however, life decided that after so many firsts together, after so many questions and so many answers, I would be deprived of saying this particular ‘yes’.” She bitterly complained. “But Harry, you have to know, I would have said yes. There was nothing I would rather be doing more now, than standing in front of everyone we love and saying yes to be your wife.” She confessed. “But I can’t. So, I will settle on saying this: you once told me I was your first love, so I wanna thank you for letting me be your last as well.” She stated, through her tears and hiccups.

Y/N walked towards his grave, with a single white Y/N in one hand, and theirs “would have been” wedding bands on the other. She kneeled, and with a kiss to the flower, threw the objects on the ground.

“You won’t be here for me to do good on my other vows, but I do promise to never forget you and to always love you.” She whispered. “I’m gonna miss you, Harry. I love you.”

It seemed fit, at the time of choosing, to have lilies for the ceremony. Harry thought it was hilarious and Y/N caved in quickly. It seemed even more fit to keep the choice despite the change in the nature of the event, as lilies were deemed to be funeral flowers. And if Y/N had been ready to bloom a full garden of lilies for the wedding, before, now she was just as set, if not more, to make sure that Harry’ grave would always be sporting a bouquet of them, a symbol of an eternal love that was hidden behind jokes and silly nicknames. A symbol of what could have been, but wasn’t.

A symbol of them.

*Hello, it’s been forever huh? I truly hope everyone has been keeping safe and well, or as much as we can in the current situation. I wanna thank everyone for the constant likes for my stories even if it has been forever since I posted one. I’m not sure how I feel about this one, so let me know your thoughts!! Hopefully I will have made at least one person cry 😂 Love you all ❤️

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