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in the eye of the storm, along with the quiet from the turbulence, comes the question: what has happened to this world? what has happened that led humanity to this destruction, to this hatred? but perhaps it is the storm itself that teaches us to build resilience like the flowers and petals that it rips out of the ground and throws around, like the fire that crackles in the middle of rain, to build the ability to rebuild like that of fallen seeds that, one day, grow into a new forest or like that of fire that purifies you as it burns. in the eye of the storm, along with the quiet from the noise around us, we find the answers.

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*taps mic* hello i am once again here to discuss the subversion of gendered tropes in the apothecary diaries when it comes to jinshi and maomaos growing romantic relationship and I'm surprised I didn't say this before bc its one of the most obvious examples but

can we talk about the way Jinshi just like... follows Maomao's lead? essentially. like not to say he doesn't take initiative or take charge of things but like.... can we talk about how he observes her (before she starts observing him too is what I'm referring to) and it's crucial to how he falls in love with her so much so that it's the one constant you see in official art; him watching her as shes inspecting plants, him literally following behind her. he learns from her not only about plants and poisons and medicine but about how to navigate the world outside of palace walls yk or how ppl outside the palace (esp women) live

and its so distinct bc usually in these historical dramas its always the WOMEN who learn from men. like its always the women who live sheltered lives and learn from men about the "real world"

jinshi is not afraid to be guided by her or learn from her, or even recognize that she may know more than him in certain situations, he values her intelligence even tho he's not only a man but a man of royal birth like literally who is doing it like him for real for real

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Maomao: Not to worry. I have a permit.

Court lady: This just says, "Maomao can do what she wants" with master Jinshi signature.

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what i love about Maomao is that she is ALL for the girls like she doesn't judge or look down on the concubines she calls the courtesans she grew up with her sisters and when Lady Lihua looked like she was about to fucking deck Lady Shin she literally giggled and was proud that Lihua was standing up for herself like Maomao is the NUMBER ONE supporter of women and strong women shes a cheerleader for women and i will always love that about her

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I just finished the first season of The Apothecary Diaries and honestly - I am floored.

I think one of the most unique and wonderful things about this anime is Maomao herself. She is an extremely engaging protagonist and downright makes me obsessed with her. But what I am so completely floored by is the simplicity with which her dynamic and issue/trauma with her birth parents are shown.

This story is woven into the narrative so smoothly and I find that it is the perfect place to end a first season as well. The author definitely rocked it so bad with this storyline and the creators/writers of the anime have also absolutely nailed it.

I think as an audience one of the most fascinating things about this show is Maomao's nonchalant yet genuine and caring nature. This is very obviously driven by something that has happened in her past - this much we can guess. The beauty here though is the fact that her attitude towards women and towards love/sex within her own life is also very likely to be influenced by her surroundings where she grew up and simply her experience of being kidnapped/being threatened with prostitution. Like. What kind of amazing character writing is that?

This might sound very minisucle or silly, idk, but something about the fact that Maomao's character can both be defined by her unfortunate daily life before the palace as well as her trauma regarding her birth parents is so mindblowing to me from a writing perspective. This is kinda exactly how one can create intrigue around the character, maintain the mystery around her while at the same time writing her so naturally that we never for once look at her and think that "oh she is behaving this way because poor poor girl and her trauma." No, we look at her and think "what a strange and funny disposition she has, but hey, it makes sense regarding the kind of career, interests and life she has lived so far." LIKE. YES PLEASE.

Because of this, when the story of Lakan and Fengxian is revealed slowly, and we see her dynamic with the both of them and how she approaches the system of marriage/courtesans in general, we are already so tuned into her character and personality that we are ENGROSSED into her entirely. We want her to dance for them, but we understand why she feels what she feels about it as well. We see her dance beautifully and feel like we are gliding along with her because she is so distinctly defined and portrayed. We love her scary moments, her little-goblin moment, but also her very difficult and stunted moments of emotional vulnerability.

As an aspiring writing student, there is just so much to learn from this for me!!

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one of the oldest lessons in the world is to never trust a person who doesn't respect your mother i'm sure you can see it in nature in the way the one who throws plastic into the river is the one who is ready to to earn money out of it, in the way the one who sent Mother Earth crying to Vishnu is the one who needed to be slayed, i, for one, can see it the reflections of my life for the ones who blamed my mother now cannot wait to burn me at the stake

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eating up this ship rn like i am on season 1 ep 9 of the anime only but i just cannot get enough of it !!

I haven't been this fascinated with a ship, let alone a straight ship, in SO LONG.

JinMao is just so good??????? Jinshi, the man who has everything but nothing, the man who has the looks, the man all the girls want. The man nobody actually loves. He wants it so bad, he wants someone to SEE him so bad. He's resigned himself to a life without.

But then Maomao shows up! And she doesn't give a shit about him, and that's interesting, and she's smart, and that's even more interesting, but wait she has passion. And she has drive. And she's a fucking FREAK.

And he tells himself she's his new toy. And she is.

But then he gets attached.

But his toys have always been taken away from him.

But now she's something else, something he wants but also needs, now she's someone he can't be without, and it all happened so fast!

And suddenly his future looks different. Suddenly he sees her there too, sees someone he can trust with everything he has, all his broken pieces he doesn't want anyone to see.

But he wants her to see. He wants her to see so bad. And then there's Maomao, who has gone through life being loved, and loved loudly, but her heart doesn't feel big enough. It feels like she's never been important or indispensable, and she's fine with that.

She can exist as a nobody. That's fine.

And she meets Jinshi, and he's sparkly and pretty, but he's just Some Guy. He's just her boss.

Until he isn't.

Because suddenly he's Seeing her more than anyone ever has. Suddenly he's protecting her, suddenly he trusts her.

And that's scary. She doesn't want his trust, because that's a big responsibility, and she's Nobody, and if she accepts that she's important to Jinshi then everything she understands about herself goes out the window.

And she tries so hard to keep her head down, and to keep herself existing as someone without meaning, but it's too late. She means a lot now, and maybe she doesn't understand why Jinshi looks at her like that, but he Looks at her.

He sees her. She sees him.

They are terrible for each other in all ways except the one that matters. They're friends, and they make fun of each other, and they drive each other insane.

But they can't live without each other anymore. Their lives are so closely intertwined and neither of them knows how or why that happened.

But it happened. And it's scary and it's hard and it makes no sense.

But god.

God, is it perfect.

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the fact that maomaos stated multiple times clearly that she likes it when jinshis himself more (not the pretty sparkly persona) and acts more his age (as opposed to faux mature and fake composed) drives me a little insane actually

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this moment was so impactful... i mean, we finally get a little glimpse at how maomao's past in that area actually was and on top of that, just the idea that she is so well liked by all these people - i'm just so in love with this. i love that he apologized so honestly that even she was taken aback and i love that he gave her his pin. just !!! i just watched this scene and i'm so in love !!!

“You really want to know?”

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morning routine

these day, when i wake up, the sun's glare is brighter than usual striking at my skin like laser so i shut the windows, make the room dark again, and for what it's worth, turn on the lights for brightness i take my vitamin d capsules after a dry breakfast i check the news i cry then i take a shower pop a couple of painkillers log into the internet read a story that gives me a small pocket of happiness try to keep it with me before i step out the house umbrella in hand shades pulled up so dark i can barely see ready to face the world with my eyes closed

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I’ve watched a few Chinese court dramas growing up and I have to say, nobody got game like Mao Mao

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maomao is my favorite "not like other girls" style protagonist bc for one shes a girls girl through and through. to the bone. and two she's just a weird little freak. absolute lunatic. they have the whole "omg she's actually beautiful and everyone falls for her when she's all made up" trope but the punchline is that she does not fucking want to look like that. she actively puts dirt on her face every day bc she does not want to be perceived as attractive (mostly out of fear of being used for sex work though at the same time she has the utmost respect for women who do sex work like she grew up in a brothel those are her sisters). she's Sherlock level smart and solves every mystery so fast but goes "well thats none of my business. anyway back to testing poisons on myself" she has the 2nd most powerful guy in the nation head over heels in love with her and is like "man this guy is weird around me what's his deal. I guess he's fine though because he gives me rare medicines and has no dick" fucking ICON i love her. also she once slapped someone so hard they fell on the floor. 10/10

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i am so deeply impressed and obsessed with her during this era, like i've always listened to her music but this is the first time i'm consciously following her album release and she is doing sooo well i'm soooo inspired by her!!!!!!

LADY GAGA LIVE AT COACHELLA 2025

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What are you?

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Ella and her critters and the step-family

(+ my designs for Sir Hop-A-Lot and Crumb)

Close ups under cut