writingworda

[writingworda]

Mi's journey finally comes to the present story. I don't even remember what this story's name was originally, but eventually it went to 'Dear You' to 'Stratos' to 'Timing Self' and ultimately back to 'Dear You'

Dear You follows a metaphysical apocalypse, as Mythos, Logos, and Pathos all fight over Nebula.

Our, supposedly unnamed, mc lost both parents young and fought on the streets for their early life. Eventually they enter a military program to help ensure their survival. After some years of serving on the frontlines during a civil war, they're sent on an invasion mission to an abandoned kingdom where a lot of bad things happen.

Coming out of that situation, their memories are all jumbled up, over half of their friends are dead and the others think they're dead, but now they have a super cool angel friend that is metaphysically attached to them.

Either way, a solar flare now threatens the nation in which everyone is evacuated into a supermassive underground area that is essentially a recreation of the countries participating in the evacuation.

Mc participated in the evacuation and comes across two kids, Mi and So, of which they take under their wing. Here Mi is curious but careful, she's extremely capable however overly hyperfixates on things sometimes. She's going to follow the same coping arc as she did before, and her arc is going to be how she explores self sustainability and solidarity.

Mi is essentially the Mc's successor, a coming of age story that emphasizes empathy, sonder, and articulation. Wouldn't ya know it, she also likes writing in this one. She's her own character now because she's no longer me, she's based in who I used to be but outside of that archetype of myself she's completely her own character.

Mi was me and is no longer, and that's essentially her arc.

[writingworda]

Otherwise, between the ages of 8-14 I had a lot of complicated introspections as I was exploring a lot of second hand experience by being a lot of people's therapist.

At the age of 15, I decided to summarize these introspections in a series of metaphorical supernatural short stories, mainly addressing my relationship with my hallucinations.

In this, I acknowledge Mi as my own therapy demon. Since reflecting on Mi as both a character I created as well as a hallucination I've been dependent on, Mi finally became a character outside of myself. She wasn't really me anymore, rather she was her own character and if anything she only represented my hope for myself.

[writingworda]

Ok, another thing I did back in 7th was start my currently only story without Mi in it, 'Resurrected Malice' this started off as an edgy religious apocalypse story written with a little bit of creepy pasta in it. I wanted to drop this soon after writing it, but I had submitted it to my schools Inscape magazine in two parts and felt an obligation to finish it by my senior year.

Currently I have succeeded in writing one part, submitting it, and getting it published every year, and this year I have to write the final part and I don't know how. Last year's entry was quite literally a commentary of me just talking about how I don't know how to finish the story and it was written without thought or planning. Either way, maybe I'll make the mc become god or smthn idk

[writingworda]

While I was writing 'Tellings of the Sky' I wrote a series of Short Scary Stories, aptly names SSS.

In these stories, Mi dies a lot. In a lot of gruesome ways.

There was something to do with the occult and demons or smthn but eh, who cares.

[writingworda]

Soon enough I decided to evolve that last story into one of my staples, 'Tellings of the Sky.'

I'm pretty sure I've talked about it before, so here's a recap.

Two protagonists find themselves in a world without people, change, or color, and a very odd sky. They both had a journal and a pen with an infinite amount of ink, and so they both explore their own worlds and record their thoughts and feelings.

Eventually the things they write start appearing in the others journal, and so they start talking in that way. Eventually through some TV screen symbolism the two actually end up coming together and their two worlds assimilate.

Wouldn't ya know it, one of these characters is Mi, and this time she was written as a way to help me cope with my ADHD that was absolutely rocking my shit that year, as it was covid and my worst academic year to date. She was aimless, confused, empathetic, hyperfixated on little things, etc.

The other character was a guy, who I used to explore my own metaphysical understandings. He explored to find out why the world was the way it was, and reflected my desire to understand my own condition.

This one was weird, but I want to try rewriting it again eventually. Of course with heavy changes, but I liked the premise I was going for.

[writingworda]

Out of 'Dear Mi' came first a retcon and then a complete reworking.

The retcon details the boy I mentioned in the tags of the last post, however the reworking was fundamentally different and delved more into the supernatural.

Essentially, same set up, Mi moves to a new school and city and learns to cope. However, the school is a super minor factor. Instead, now the story was focused on the metaphysical and metaphorical way Mi saw the world. Mi saw the world like a blank canvas, every surface just plain white with solid black lines giving things vague form.

What gave certain things color was people and their emotions. Emotions would linger in spaces for a little while and give it color before eventually disappearing, and Mi would go out and explore the emotions and stories of a bunch of people.

In addition, Mi's therapy demon is present again. In fact, everyone has one, however not everyone can make their's manifest into a visible form, and even if they could Mi notices she's the only one who can see them. Mi's therapy demon normally acts like a blank wall that Mi would just talk to, however in this story the demon would actually actively interact with other therapy demons that would appear.

This story wasn't fleshed out very well. I started it in 9th, long after I had already abandoned the original 'Dear Mi'

What inspired it was when I had learned about a friend's main oc. This was a little wolf like rag doll named Leo with abandonment issues. Now I had a crush on this friend and now they're my ex but that's besides the point. Either way, due to my special attachment to them and this character they had I was inspired to explore this set up because of the supernatural character element that we had in common.

I had an amorphous therapy demon, she had a wolffish rag doll with abandonment issues, and we both coped using these characters. I never told her about this story. Don't know how she would've reacted if I did lol.

[writingworda]

Y'know what's weird? My very first actual characters.

I've been creating oc's for a lot longer than I can actually comprehend, however a lot of them were just one off drawings. They didn't have names or backgrounds or anything, they were just drawings.

My first actually fleshed out characters came about in seventh grade, where I made my icon character Mi.

Mi is a young girl with short puffy black hair, muted grey or black eyes, pale skin, and then whatever other detail is added for whatever story she's in. She's been in every single one of my larger projects up to this point. 'Dear You' was a name that came from my very first story, 'Dear Mi'

Dear Mi was a story I started in seventh grade, with of course Mi as the main character. The log is essentially that she's moved to a new school and doesn't have a great time. She amassed a friend group of a surprisingly diverse set of characters and manages to beat the odds.

The quirk of it though was that she had an 'imaginary friend' that was more like a paralysis demon without the paralysis. She would use this hallucination to talk to, and it would be the primary way she coped and engaged in introspection.

Mi's characterization in the very first story was kinda stereotypical? She liked music, she was pretty weak and cried a lot, but despite seeming quiet she did like to talk and often had a lot to say. Essentially I was writing me, since the whole coping with hallucinations and heavy emphasis on introspection is just how I was.

The way the story was odd because the main antagonist, a school bully, doesn't really stay a bully past chapter three. I don't remember what her name was, but the moment Mi's friend group started forming, the main antagonist sees their genuine connections and reflects on the relationships they have with their friend groups. The antagonist then tries to make an effort to have deeper and more honest relationships, and when that's ultimately rejected they abandon their old friend group to join Mi's.

Also, while Mi was the typical frail artsy girl who cried a lot, you'd think I'd then have a male counterpart who is the savior figure, but surprisingly I didn't. Instead, the male counterpart was the exact opposite, he felt extremely insecure and ashamed because he didn't feel like he was strong enough to support her.

Eventually he would learn that in order to support others he first needs to let people support him, and that it's in mutual comfort where he's actually needed. However I never got that far, because at the beginning I wrote him to be so internally problematic and so externally passive that I couldn't really make him interesting to the story except for when I was writing from his perspective. It was a cool subversion to come from a newbie author, but in the end I didn't have the skill set to make it work.

[writingworda]

I'm putting the same diagram here for quick and easy reference while I type this.

First things first, stories. Stories are the process by which an abstract is made, the abstracts matter, how an essence can actualize. Essentially, one of the prerequisites to exist is the ability to write a story.

The Primordials can't have a story of their own or else they will actualize, but without abstracts they will break. When a Primordial breaks it's like the equivalent to a black hole, essence, abstracts, and existences get sucked in to repair the damage. In the small time that hole is open, there's a tear into another dimension, which can of course cause dimensional distortions.

To keep it from breaking, Primordials need a constant influx of abstract matter, but it has to be in a way that keeps it from actualizing. So, the system landed on creating a way that distances the abstract from the Primordial via the essence but keeps the compatibility.

The way this is done is that broken essence is brought in from the Outer Planes through the Tentülln. The Last Sun gives the essence a beginning to its story, and the First Moon gives the essence an end to its story. The essence then enters the lens.

The lens is the entire space inside the Firmament. The essence flows to the singularity, the center of all things, and at the singularity it assimilates with a chaos based essence, normally being Pathos. The broken essence repairs itself with Pathos, giving it compatibility with the Primordial but retains the inability of complete synergy. By being repaired it also gains a tangible form, and the ability to enact the story it was assigned.

Then the essence, being repaired by an essence from the Primordial and being given a story, will set out to complete that story. It is sent outside of the lens, either on a path of regression or progression until it completes its story and reaches its end. Because the abstract would be forming from a mixture of essence, the essence must repeat its story to properly form the abstract. To do so the story will either regress, in which the essence goes through the same scenarios again, or progress, in which the scenarios either expand or change.

An essence will never be locked to just one or the other, however most only go down one path multiple times to complete the abstract. They cannot actively choose the path, the path is chosen based on the essence subconscious.

Once the abstract is completed, it is taken from the essence and fed to the Primordial. The essence itself is either cast back out into the Outer Planes or becomes a part of the waters of the firmament. Regardless of which, the form the essence took to enact the story is turned into a constellation, and it and its story are recorded on the Firmament.

So step by step, a broken essence from the outer planes enters the system through the Tentülln. After entering, the essence is assigned a beginning and end, given a story to complete. The broken essence heads into the lens and ends up at the singularity, where it assimilates with one of the Primordial's essence. This repairs the broken essence and gives it a form to enact the story in.

This essence is then sent back outside of the lens to complete its story's arc. After each arc the story will continue via either regression or progression, until the entire story meets its end and a full abstract is formed. The abstract is fed to the primordial, the essence is either discarded or assimilated, and the form and story are recorded on the Firmament in the form of a constellation.

Just for some more specificity, the Tentülln is a separation between the inner system and the Outer Planes. It is a natural occurring boarder and is thought to be made by the progenitor of the combination of time and space, that has since been lost.

The space between the Tentülln and Firmament is known as the scenarios, this is where all story arcs are completed. It is essentially the land of stories. Despite this being where the stories are enacted, all stories begin and end at the singularity.

There's technically more stuff to talk about, such as why Progression and Regression are angled the way they are, and what the Last Sun and First Moon are, but the former is kinda trivial and the latter I wanna keep a secret. So for the time being, that's the entirety of my world's metaphysical makeup and cosmology

[writingworda]

Alright, Mültan Phardah, or the Outer System, is a lot more fucking weird.

To begin, what is Chaos? Chaos is one of a handful of 'Primordial Essence'.

This means that these Essence set the standard for what essence is. Or more accurately, they are the oldest forms of essence known that can still be identified as essence.

The essences' all have their own version of the Outer System with some differences, however each has an Outer System that achieves four functions:

- Isolate the Primordial

- Keep Primordial from actualizing

- Forming and feeding the Primordial Abstracts

- Cultivating Stories

Now, some of these functions need A LOT of explanation, which will come in yet another post so hold your horses.

First things first, isolating the Primordial. The Primordials need to be isolated because they interact in very odd ways. As they are all foundational for the current presiding essences, them interacting and mixing would mean adding another dimension onto what an essence is. An essence must conceptualize, perceive, define, describe, or understand. One method an essence can use to define reality per each Primordial (so yes there's 5 Primordials) When these methods start mixing, it's like adding dimensions. Well, not like adding, it quite literally is adding. When these methods mix, essences can start reaching beyond the dimension of the universe, which can cause distortions and threaten the balance of the universe.

Therefore, the Primordials are isolated from eachother to avoid dimensional havoc.

Next, keep the Primordials from actualizing. Primordials already act as the basis for which every naturally occurring essence in their system forms from. If a Primordial is to actualize, their abilities would be taken a step further. Normal essence can exhibit total control over their essence and some control over abstracts. A Primordial would be able to exhibit complete control over abstracts and essence.

This ability posses a threat to the natural non-essence based abstracts, the Laws. Should Laws be stripped of their nature, the parameters for existence would start to collapse. It could once again lead to dimensional distortion, complete non-existence, or even total existence. None of which is good for the things currently existing.

Feeding the Primordials Abstracts and cultivating stories, Regression, Progression, the Lens, and the Last Sun and First Moon I will leave for the next post.

Right now I can still talk about the Firmament and the Outer Planes. The Firmament is the barrier that isolates the Primordial. For the Chaos system specifically, Eternity and Infinity weave together with a water like substance to form an infinite and eternal barrier to keep the Primordial in. This establishes that Primordials are neither eternal nor infinite essence, and while they can't necessarily die they can fade into obscurity or break.

A Primordial fading into obscurity is essentially them becoming another Outer Plane. The Outer Planes are a vast space in between each Outer System where a Primordial has faded into obscurity. As a result, the space becomes treacherous, chaotic, and unpredictable. Essences are constantly born and die, existences are made that immediately phase out of existence. Nothing can hope to exist there except for the Primordial, which essentially has gone out of control. It doesn't pose a threat as it is spread thin, however it is completely uncontrollable and beyond saving.

There is another diagram I have yet to draw which is all the primordials, outer systems, etc. but that'd be more like a map than a diagram, so no. So no more diagrams, the next post is just all info dump.

[writingworda]

Alright, that's the diagram. The first one at least.

I promise it's not the same as it looks, whether that's for better or worse I have no clue.

Time, Space, Probability, and Impossibility all form what is technically an axis/spectrum. This axis is called the Catitlite Axis, which is why they entire thing is called the Catilite Diagram. It has another name, which is the Chaos system, which I will get into in the next post.

The closer things are to Probability the more intertwined they are with the dominating essence, which would be Mythos and Eden. Of course ruled by Keter/Crown.

The closer things are to Impossibility, the closer they drift to joining the realm of Impossibility. The realm of Improbability is essentially the junkyard for any essence that didn't pass the Probability's judgement and any Abstract they've created. All those essence ended up assimilating with and becoming Logos, unifying under the name Adversary with the Morning Star as their leader.

In the center of it all is Deus Navitas/Nebula and Possibility. Where Pathos is working to fight outward against everything pushing in. It's good to note that everything on Nebula is still primarily Mythos, it's just that due to the Contradiction Eden has trouble exercising its authority.

The solid black part is of course the Great Contradiction, connecting the three planes. It limits Eden's influence, allows Logos to have any influence at all, and isolates Pathos, giving an equal amount of influence to both Mythos and Logos while keeping them uninfluenced by the newly born Pathos.

Time and Space are super weird here. They're less of opposite ends of a spectrum and more like boundaries. As they get closer to the center, Time and Space have more influence over existence and the essence, as they get further away the concepts of Time and Space become more incomprehensible to any essence/existence perceiving them.

Time and Space have dual qualities. Time is both Total and Eternal. Space is both Real and Infinite. Totality and Reality are both concepts that the essence and existence can perceive and comprehend, and so getting closer to the center those traits become more apparent. Infinity and Eternity are beyond comprehension. The idea is there, the concept exists, but there is no essence or existence that can perceive and comprehend infinity and eternity. Therefore, as they get further away from the center, those traits become more apparent.

The reason there's an opening leading outside of the system is because Time and Space exist outside of the Chaos System as well as influencing and existing inside. They make up the boundary that keeps Chaos in, the paths of Progression and Regression, and determine where the limits are. Those are all qualities I will touch on in the next post. For the time being, just know that Time and Space, while they are specific to the Chaos System they are not from/a part of Chaos itself like Probability and Impossibility are.

The qualities of Time and Space that are Totality and Reality do stem from Chaos, while Eternity and Infinity do not. Time and Space act more like an intimately woven system of their own rather than a spectrum, however the qualities they display do shift and morph depending on the distance from the origin point as comprehension. The more you can comprehend, the more they display Totality and Reality, the less you can comprehend, the more they display Infinity and Eternity.

[writingworda]

Ok so, creation story is very Abraham core because I can do it better I swear. I really looked at Abrahamic cosmology and went, "I can fix him."

So, in the beginning, there was a motley of different essence. Time and space already existed (that's a different story) and Probability and Impossibility has just formed as Laws.

The essence started to be sorted through by the Probability. As none had actualized, it was evident that they would all be casted into Impossibility.

One essence, Mythos, wanted to exist. It believed that the world was defined by what could be sensed and the stories that could be told. And so, Mythos actualized. It formed the Abstracts of 'Myth' and 'Truth' and came into existence. The existence of Mythos came to be known as Keter. Mythos was validated by the probability, and was the only essence to be validated. All others were cast into impossibility.

Mythos first created the Heavens. An infinite and timeless place, in which Keter resided with the first sentient beings, the angels. Keter created a variety more of abstracts, and actualized different parts of the Mythos. Keter did not know of the Laws of Time and Space.

This is called sub-actualization, when a part of the essence that is not the core is actualized by the character. These actualized beings are substantially powerful and omni in the range of their respective abstract, however their metaphysical and cosmological influence does not measure up to the progenitor character. They are still under the character's jurisdiction and domain.

For Keter, these beings were the top tier of angels, known as the Kodesh. Keter then expanded, and created a land known as Deus Navitas (essentially earth and translates to either Born from Gods or the Birthplace of Gods. A shorter name for it is Nebula). This land was finite and subjected to rot.

One of the Kodesh, that of the abstract Adversary, noticed the difference between Heaven and Nebula, and had a revelation about the Laws. The 'Adversary' understood that Keter was violating the Probability by defying the Laws of Time and Space. As consequence, Heaven was drifting further away from Nebula, drifting further into Infinity and Eternity.

From this, the Adversary had an epiphany. Reality is defined by the Laws and parameters that govern it. Keter believed that it was solely existence, it had proved the Probability that it was existence, however Keter made what couldn't exist, and as a result it was fading into impossibility. Keter had proved that it controlled the Probability, the right to say what can and cannot exist, however this blinded it to the Laws.

The Adversary had created a new essence, Logos, and to prove itself to the Probability, to keep Heaven from drifting into the Impossibility, it waged war on Keter.

The Adversary lost the war, and all that rallied behind them were cast into Impossibility. However, the war created a fundamental Abstract, the Abstract of 'Contradiction'.

This Contradiction allowed Logos to exist in the realm of impossibility. This Contradiction destroyed Keter's control over the Probability and Keter was subject to it once again, no longer drifting towards the endless but now facing Impossibility itself. To avoid violating the Probability, Keter and Heaven were then subjected to Time and Space. They were given the privilege, however, of their parameters being linked with the 'First Story.' Keter and Heaven would come to their end, reach their limit, when the First Story comes to an end.

Keter's loss of control over the probability gave birth to a new Law, a law that was born out of the Great 'Contradiction', and this is the Law of Possibility. Due to possibility, the denizens of Nebula came to a new understanding, that reality was what they understood, reality was defined by them and their emotion and their perception, and so the essence Pathos was born.

The Adversary, now within the realm of Impossibility, was also affected by the Great Contradiction. From it, Logos could now exist inside and outside of Impossibility, the Contradiction was its abstract after all. It took advantage of its position, and all the discarded abstracts and essence in the Impossibility became theirs and Logos. The Adversary stole the abstract of 'Adversary' from the Mythos and actualized into the Morning Star.

The Morning Star now lead the existences of the Impossibility, the subjects that had given their abstracts to the Logos, and the essence that assimilated with the Logos, under the promise of the Morning Star. The Morning Star promised them the right to one day exist.

Keter rules Heaven and Mythos. It is the actualized 'Myth' and 'Truth'. From the Great Contradiction, Keter was obscured into the 'Crown'. Heaven and Mythos were obscured into 'Eden'. Eden's goal, the will of the Crown, is to claim Nebula, for all to become Mythos. It wishes to return to before the Great Contradiction, when it ruled the Probability.

The Adversary rules Logos and the subjects of the Impossibility. It actualized through 'Adversary' and became the Morning Star. Through the Great Contradiction it can still influence beyond the Impossibility, it can still retain the Identity of Logos despite being in the Impossibility. The new subjects of Logos inherited the name of Adversary, their goal is the promise of the Morning Star. If they are to claim Nebula, they would have the influence to challenge the Probability and escape the realm of impossibility, they would gather the proof and garner the right to exist.

The Nebula is ruled by none. It is the birthplace of Possibility and Pathos. If Pathos claims the Nebula, then Possibility can actualize just as the Crown and Morning Star have. If Pathos claims Nebula, Possibility will no longer be a Law, it will instead exist.

Nebula, Deus Navitas, the land born of Gods and where Gods are born. The battlefield for the war between Mythos, Logos, and Pathos. The land enveloped by the Great Contradiction, the stage for the 4th generation of Abstracts. That is where the story takes place. That is how the reality of Dear You came to be.

[writingworda]

OK, this blog has been dormant for a while. This time it's because I've been hyperfixating on actually world building and character creation and plot structure instead of just writing whatever melodramatic bullshit comes to mind.

So, I've spent four days coming up with this cosmology. I'm going to leave a lot of it out since it isn't important to the actual novel, it's just extra stuff I thought would be cool, I might make a separate post about it later or smthn.

Ok, so the world operates with two different pieces, Essence and Abstracts.

Essence comes with two properties. It is first the means by which something can exist. It is the tangible matter that makes up everything. In addition, essence is also the perspective that defines how something exists and it's alignment with the rest of creation.

To make that make sense, just think of an apple. The actual thing you can hold is made up by essence on that subatomic level, and our ability to identify it as an apple is shaped by our ability to understand the alignment and form given to it by an essence. To try and make that clear, essence is both tangible physical existence and perceivable identity.

Abstracts on the other hand are kind of exactly what they sound like with a little extra spice. Abstracts are, no doubt, abstract concepts. However, metaphysically they play a much larger role.

Abstracts come about through the completions of stories. When something meets the end of its story, it forms and is identified with an abstract. Think of the abstract as the theme of an existence, the implications of it existing. It is the proof that something actually exists.

This leads to two different types of abstracts, ones that are naturally occurring and ones that are formed through essence based existences completing a story. It's better to think of it as a type of abstract with an essence and a type without.

The ones without an essence become the natural laws, such as time, space, probability, and impossibility. Probability and Impossibility are very important Laws, because they divide the essences into what is allowed to exist and what is not. The Law of Probability with judge an essence and see if it's worthy of existing or not, if not it falls into the realm of Impossibility, literally.

In order for an essence to prove its existence, it needs to create an abstract. Again, abstracts are proofs of existence, complete perspectives. If an essence has created an abstract then it is validated by the Probability and can exist.

In addition, an essence that has created an abstract goes under the process of actualization. This is where the 'Abstract Matter' forms around the 'Principle' of the essence to give it form. This is how the essence itself gains physical tangible form and then the power of creation, the ability to create other tangible existences based off of the essence.

So that's a lot, right? Quick summary, abstracts and essences are the foundation of everything. Essence is existence, abstracts are the consequences/proofs of existence. Abstracts come from the completion of story/realization of a perspective or theme, the completion of an essence. Abstracts not founded in an essence define the laws of the universe and are natural forces that give the parameters of an essence. Abstracts founded in a completed essence are proofs that say the essence is within the parameters set by the Laws and can tangibly exists. So essence that create abstracts go under actualization and actually exist themselves.

These actualized essence are essentially God. So think of a valid essence as God, and the essence itself being divinity or something. That's like the best parallel I can draw and even then it's not spot on. Either way, the actualized essence, now being an actual character, can also create stuff out of the essence.

It is important to note that existences made out of an already validated essence do not need to make an abstract to prove their existence, as the essence they're founded in is already valid. Any abstracts these existences do create are completely under the jurisdiction of the original actualized essence and abstract. These existences can not actualize themselves since they are technically already 'actual.' In order to break out of this domain, an existence would need to overwrite its foundation essence by creating their own.

Since an essence is the perspective by which things exist, in order to create one you'd need to change your perspective and create a new way of making things exist. Which is of course, a lot harder than it sounds. Think of it like someone asks you to prove something exists except you can't use your five senses and you're also not allowed to think. It's just a little difficult, a Tuesday night thought exercise, y'know?

Anyways, I'm gonna circle back to the process of actualization. I said the 'Abstract Matter' forms around the core, or the Principle, of the essence. The abstract matter is essentially the story, it is what makes the theme tangible, so wouldn't you know it abstract matter is what makes up and abstract. The Principle is the foundational principle of the essence, the fundamental aspect of its perspective that cannot be denied. It is the objective implication in which the essence basis its truth for being existence.

So the reason an actualized essence has the ability to create existence out of its essence is because it is only the core of the essence that forms the character that comes out of actualization. The rest of its essence is essentially its domain that it rules over, able to do whatever it wants with.

This is the basics of the cosmology. I'm going to make another post, with a diagram, that I'm going to explain. Then I'm going to do that again. Then I'm going to make another post explaining the specifics of how the novel's world came about.

But for the time being, everything is made up of essence, the perspective by which existence can exist. Abstracts, the completed perspective/theme for reaching the end of a story, are the evidence/proof that an essence exists. Abstracts that are not formed through a story by an essence, rather a natural story, are the Laws by which the essence is governed and must prove itself to and continue to exist to. An essence that exists has actualized, meaning it is validated by the Laws and is validated as existence. And so its abstract matter, its story, forms around its principle, the core objective part of the perspective, and gives it tangible existence. The essence's core and the abstract become one identity, one character. This character can use the rest of its essence to created existences that can exist without abstracts and yet can create them. Any abstracts these subjects create will fall under the jurisdiction of the original character. A subject can overwrite its essence by creating a new one, establishing a new objective truth that defines existence, and then validating that by the Laws and actualizing themself.

This is all essentially a step by step guide on how to become God through philosophy lol.

[writingworda]

Ok I haven't made a post here in a very long time because I haven't wrote anything in a very long time.

So since I'm posting again that means I've written something, write? No of course not.

Instead I took a retrospective look at one of my oldest writings called "Tellings of the Sky." And OH BOY I don't know wtf I was on.

Lemme get an image for you. So the base setting is kinda like one of them liminal spaces. I've got two characters, each in separate worlds that are similar except for one thing, the sky.

First there's a boy in an empty world with no other conscious life. The earth itself didn't even have color, it was in black and white. The sky itself behaved erratically, it would change shape, the sky itself would form different patterns and complex structures for inexplicable reasons. Think of like a 4 dimensional space somehow being observed, it's just weird as fuck.

The sky at night for him was different, it was pitch black with a bright white stripe cutting across it, and a small black dot traveling across it, from one point of the horizon to the other. White cracks would branch out from the stripe, and they varied from night to night

In the other world it was also empty of conscious life and devoid of color. However there was a single girl inhabiting the world, and her day was the exact same as the first world's night, however without the cracks. However her night was instead a blank white sky with cracks running across it, an amount and intensity of cracks that would change each night.

So the parallels here are the night of the first and day of the second, cracks during the night specifically, and that the worlds they inhabit are the exact same except for the presentation of the sky.

The story follows these two and how they interact with the world around them, mainly focusing on how they feel internally.

The boy is very focused on exploring the world around him. He never says it outright, but he's scared of his lack of awareness about the situation he's in, how he woke up to this world with no knowledge of a different existence. He has a strange connection to the day time sky in which, based on the form of the sky, he understands that he can sense what it is feeling. As for his relationship with the nighttime sky, there's a pattern that whenever it turns night he kind of shuts down, unable and unwilling to do anything or move. He entered a state of lethargy and a lack of motivation that he could not break out of, but at the same time he couldn't sleep, and rather has a light sense a paranoia throughout the night. Another thing is that he believes the sky is telling him to go somewhere, so as he explores the world around him he's always heading in the direction it's telling him.

The girl on the other hand hates her day time sky. She hates how blank it is, she describes it as a feeling like it's always watching her. She also decides to explore her world, however she doesn't have the same insecurity about a lack of understanding. Instead she's driven by the a sensation that there's something or someone she needs to find/catch up to. She finds herself constantly distracted by the details of the world and gets frustrated by the fact she feels she'll never reach her goal, not because of the impossibility of it but rather that she thinks she keeps getting in her own way. She finds a lot of comfort in the night sky, she interacts with it similar to how the boy in world one interacts with his daytime sky, she made a friend out of it. Her ability to understand the sky's feelings comes out of how many, how intense, and how bright the cracks in the sky are.

Another tidbit is that the girl finds herself often hyperfixated on screens. Throughout the world there's almost no movement besides the wind and tides, however every screen she comes across is covered with static, and emits a light hum. For a reason she can't explain, she finds solace in these screens, they take away her paranoia during the day and make her feel secure until the nighttime.

The extra bit for the boy is that he has no agency or control when it comes to the world around him. At some point he accidentally cuts himself, but the wound disappears almost immediately. Not in a sense of healing, but in resetting. After discovering this he decides to indulge in this phenomenon, coming to understand that anything he breaks, changes, or fixes, will only reset to the way it was moments later, including himself.

In his world, the screens are blank. In her world, changes are permanent.

These two characters have a little narration in the third person at the beginning and end of their chapters, but everything else is written in a journal like style, as a journal with seemingly endless pages and a pen with seemingly endless ink is all they had when they woke up, the only things that had color besides themselves and the clothes on their back.

The idea is the chapters would alternate between the two perspectives, until eventually the journals start relaying their writings to eachother. As in when one writes in their journal, it would appear in the other person's journal as well. The two would come to understand more about their worlds when talking to eachother, and slowly as they interacted with eachother more they lose their ability to sense the emotions of the sky. The ending is the apocalyptic merging of the two worlds, as their idea of what the world is starts to neutralize, effectively ending the two worlds and leaving both of them, finally meeting face to face, in a single world.

This final world of theirs has the daytime sky of the first world, the nighttime sky of the second, and now the sky has color. The tv screens have all shut off, and changes are now permanent, essentially neutralizing the differences between the two prior worlds.

Ok, so clearly, when I was writing this, I had a whole shit load of symbolic rubbish and themes going on. And now the current me is going to try to make sense of all of it.

The easiest things to note are the themes of mental health, as that's a theme I had jotted down in the skeleton for the story. The boy represents insomnia, depression, and schizophrenia. The girl represents ADHD, anxiety, and bi-polar disorder. The reason these disorders are represented aren't actually some moral theme or lesson, I wasn't trying to make some symbolic bridge to tell how people with these disorders interact with the world and humanize them. Rather it's all about coping, everything that happens internally. The story wasn't a tool for readers, rather a tool for me to better interpret how these disorders work and how to cope with them. I didn't have the direct thoughts or words to make sense of what I was feeling at the time, so I used these highly symbolic stories to capture those thoughts so I could make sense of them at a later date. In order to learn how to cope, I wrote a story about other people learning how to cope, weird right?

Either way, that's the only concrete theme I had written down. Everything else is just tied to speculation. At some point I thought I might've been making some gender commentary, as it's both a boy and a girl in these worlds and the interact with that world differently, but nope! The reason I know that's not the case is because of what character I used in these worlds, that's right, singular character.

I have an OC named Miso. This character has no concrete design, just varying designs that look kinda similar. This character also switches from being masculine presenting to feminine presenting and back all the fucking time. What is their actual sex or gender? Hell if I know, I just change it to whatever I feel like when I want to. Miso is a character that embodies what my idea of humanity is in its purest form, and a high factor in that is nuance and chaos (without the negative connotation). Meaning the two characters I wrote are actually the same character, even though they act differently. Their gender is irrelevant, and their 'universal humanity' symbology is supposed to come to light the moment the worlds merge.

And I actually have several cases of other stories I've written of Miso being split into two characters, like the main one I've shared in which you have Mi, the older sister, and So, a younger brother, in 'Dear You'. Miso isn't really a character per say, it's the embodiment of a hugely broad and nuanced theme in a character. The reason Miso is also often split is because interpersonal interactions are a huge proponent of that theme, and so in a story where Miso is the only character that split is necessary. Then in a story where Miso is a character that's supposed to represent the future and the upbringing of the next generation, that split is again necessary.

So no, I didn't have any themes about gender, but I did have a theme about universal humanity, which is why I used Miso. Now what is the theme about universal humanity actually telling? Well the only thing I could discern is that it's about the importance of emotion, mainly empathy, and balance. The boy finds comfort and companionship in the emotions of the day time sky as the girl does of the nighttime sky. The boy finds paranoia and fear of the nighttime sky, as the girl does of the daytime sky.

What the two are so afraid of when it comes to the sky is apathy. The boy exists in a world where nothing he does changes, he can't fix or break anything, but the only thing that is and has always been broken to him is the nighttime sky. The sky represents apathy, because in his subconscious he knows what would happen if things didn't reset. He feels he would break everything around him, and eventually himself, becoming unconcerned with the world around him and leaving it in the same way the sky looks. The nighttime sky is his fear of breaking the world around him, and his fear of being complacent with a broken world.

The girl on the other hand is paranoid with the day time sky, pointing out particularly how it was blank, had no emotion, and felt like it was always watching her. Her sky represents the potential of her apathy in a feeling of reduction. The sky watches her emotionlessly, as if she's nothing. She fears that, with how blank the world around her is, that one day she may lose her place in the world. She'd become just as colorless as it is, and eventually stop moving. She often describes the little details of things, how certain details have been seemingly forcefully ripped out. She fears her emotions being ripped out of her on account of her own inability to recognize her own worth in the world around her.

Essentially, he doesn't want to become a monster that defines everything, and she doesn't want to be reduced to nothing, equating herself to the world around her. So the parallel is that he doesn't want to be everything and she doesn't want to be nothing.

So what they find solace in is the opposing factors of the world, and what they heal from is eachother. The boy finds comfort and companionship in the daytime sky, in the fact that it is something that has form, something beyond himself, and he finds direction and purpose within it. The girl finds comfort in the nighttime sky, to her it's evidence that there's something more out there, that the world around her is worth more and is more complex than the nothing it's presented otherwise, that one day the cracks would break the sky completely and she could see the more that's beyond it.

The boy finds comfort in the fact that he can't break anything. Even though he's not presented as a violent or aggressive person, he's still just that afraid of doing harm. The solace is in the fact that he knows that things are going to be ok. He's still a careful and considerate person, but he has an understanding of that assurance because of the rules of the world around him. The girl finds comfort in the static, knowing that there's something beyond it. Even though she doesn't believe herself to be nothing, she's afraid of the world being nothing and becoming that herself. In the static of the screen, in the little details of the world that have been ripped out, she can tell that at some point there was something more. Her solace is in the fact that there's more she doesn't know, more she wants to learn, and more she wants to replicate, that she can make something of the world around her and therefore herself as well.

It's these things that keep them going, keep them sane. It's the universal laws that everything is going to be ok and that everything has meaning. That doesn't actually solve their insecurities however. Despite the opaque evidence that should quell their fear of apathy, it doesn't. He's still a careful person, she still gets frustrated with herself. Just because the truth is there, right in front of their face, it doesn't mean they can actually and fully understand it, that doesn't mean they can trust it.

That's the point of the two eventually connecting through the journal. It requires another perspective, another person's understanding, and another person's influence and support in order for these insecurities to actually heal. There's a lot of talk in relationships about how you can't fix someone, and this is true. However, no one can heal on their own. The interpersonal aspect of this story is supposed to emphasize that. The two can't heal with just themselves and the world around them, it requires them to actually meet eachother and support eachother. For humanity to heal and be better, we need eachother. When people say, "You can't fix someone," they mean you can't fix them on your own. It requires work from you, the other person, and more often than not everyone else in their life. The idea is that everyone needs to put in the work, not that since you can't do it on your own you should just up and leave. Healing is about worlds coming together, completing eachother, and being better for it, inheriting everything that scares and comforts us, and yet finding solace in both.

That's, what the current me, can deduce from past me's premise. Again, it's a story about coping, it's a story about healing, and it's a story about acceptance. The main message being that we need other people to heal, but we also need to put in the work ourselves. That we can't fix anyone on our own, but nothing will be fixed if we all just decide to walk away. It's a story about the importance of looking out for eachother, something I honestly think we're forgetting as the world gets more and more morally individualistic. I'm talking about actual individualism here, not the weird meta-term that I use all the time that confuses people.

The two characters need eachother to live in a world they both enjoy, they need eachother to live in a world that gives them purpose. Morality is about healing, betterment, and the aim is to show the importance of personal, interpersonal, and universal morality. What's right by you, what's right by the people around you, and what's right for the world around you.

I want to clarify that it isn't some peachy, "oh they're together now and everything is wonderful" or smthn. The story doesn't end on a tone like they could only find purpose and meaning in eachother. The world's merging is the last major event, but that's not where the story ends.

Now they have the opportunity to heal, but those insecurities don't just disappear once the two meet. In fact, if anything they're inflated for a while. The last few chapters are about learning how your morals affect other people, how things like defining yourself by the other person in your life can cause problems, how being too dependent or independent can cause issues, and how to rectify these things. In the story I had planned out fights and failures between the two and how they would need to work past it, what boundaries to set, understanding their own self worth but also dealing with the bit of apathy that had grown on them when they were separate.

So the progression goes like this; on our own we can cope, but we can't heal. It requires the work of ourselves and others to heal, and with others we get that opportunity. However, we need to understand sonder, we need to understand ourselves and eachother to actually succeed. It takes personal growth, and apathy can be a hinderance.

Empathy is what humanity needs, but empathy wont magically fix everything. We need to look out for eachother, but we also need to look out for ourselves. The story was meant to emphasize empathy, the importance of altruism, and then finding the right balance of it all as anything in extremes is unhealthy.

However, I never wrote past the third chapter, so what does it all matter eh? That's as fleshed out of a theme as I could get from my bare bones skeleton for the story, and I plan to try to write it again, but when has me planning anything ever actually worked?

Anyways, onto the actual important part, do they kiss? Answer, no. When writing the skeleton for the story, I didn't actually write it to be a romantic relationship between the two. The way I talked about it made it seem intimate yet platonic. Will it stay that way if I write it again? Should it stay that way? Yes it should, but no it won't, because I like writing cute comfy romance and I no longer care if that kinda takes away from the theme. Since they're technically the same character does that make it morally grey and kinda weird? Stop asking questions thank you.

[writingworda]

Ok, so I've encountered a problem. Apparently, there's a character per block limit on tumblr, and apparently some part of my story exceeds that. So, I'm just gonna post a link to view all of chapter one. It'll be separate from the original, since I don't want people reading it as I write it. Either way, from this point forward the story will be in a doc, and I'll just make a post everytime the doc is updated. The doc link will be in the pinned post.

Either way, chapter 1 is finished, rounding out to about 24 pages, and I think I like it. The last two pages are pretty meh, and character interaction could be better, but I had fun writing it, and for the first time I have semi-confidence in what I've written.

[writingworda]

Ok, just posted pages 13 and 14, and I updated the end of page 12. I've got like 3 more pages already done so I would've made this last update a bit longer, but I still feel a little iffy about them. I'm not even too sure about pages 13 and 14 themselves, since I'm not too good with character interaction.

Either way, I thought this would be a good time to set in stone the color themes and symbolisms, because it'd be good to have someone else able to double check me if there's inconsistencies. There's also just a lot of it lamo.

Anyways so here's the color list, yes it's a bit unorthodox, yes there's a lot, shush up.

Red: Both beauty and dread, ends and struggles

Orange: Solutions, Life, Possibility

Blue: Dreams and Beginnings

Yellow: Limitations and implications

Green: Success and want

White: Unpredictability, chance, hope

Black: Interpretive reality, past and regrets, mentality, metaphysical

Purple: Realized dreams, greater success, satisfaction

Brown: Peace, comfortability

Why these colors and symbols? Cuz why not lamo, don't have any real reason other than this seemed easy to work with, and even then it's still going to get more complicated later. Either way, with so much I'm bound to mess it up here and there, so if anyone happens to notice it then being called out would be quite the favor.

[writingworda]

Pages 13 and 14

“What were you doing in there? Wait, why is your leg covered in blood?” Anna was standing at the entrance to the train, arms crossed and her words concerned.

“Oh nothing much, and don’t worry about it, I’m not hurt. There just happened to be some rather unsightly things in the other train car. The majority of it was still crushed so there wasn’t a lot left.”

She paused for a moment, “Were there any other survivors?”

“...No.” Was the only response I could think of. The hands had not left, they would not let me forget again, and so they kept my mouth clamped shut. “Anyways, couldn’t find any extra supplies in there like I wanted to, but that’s to be expected. Guess we should start getting a move on, think we’ve kept the others moving long enough.” Anna nodded as I walked past her. She started moving towards the rest of the survivors to give the order, and I stayed by So and Mi.

“Hey, we’re about to start walking, so you two should get your bags and head up to Anna, she’ll take care of you from there. Also, take these bags, they’ve got extra supplies for everyone, Anna will help you pass them out.” The two kids asked a bit as to what was going on, and so I gave them a straight answer. These lights would last us five days of travel at most, and if we’re not in the Underground in the next six then we’d be locked out for good. We’re on two time limits, the first so that we don’t have to travel in the dark, and the other so that we’re not isolated in the tunnel with no resources whatsoever. Of course I wasn’t so direct, didn’t want to frighten them, but they still seemed a little unsettled at the implication of a time limit. Although they were satisfied with that explanation, and went to do as they were told.

First I slipped on the power source onto my back again. It pressed against the still open wounds, and took a moment to adjust to the stinging constant pain. With my own bag then put on and resting on the side of the other, I started to move to the rest of the crowd. Anna was just finishing giving the order to exeunt this resting ground, and so everyone one else was picking up and readying themselves for the journey. So and Mi were passing out some of the extra scavenged supplies, and seemingly almost recruited some other kids to help out, forming their own group, all around So who had a light. Once it seemed everyone was ready, the first steps were made, and the journey began.

As we started to walk I watched as everyone fanned out. People had separated themselves into their own individual groups, seemingly based on who they found trustworthy in the short amount of time they had to become familiar with everyone else. Some groups were larger, some smaller, and each one had only one person with a light. All the kids, including So and Mi, had formed their own group of about ten, all led by So. Despite his rather sheepish behavior from before, he seemed to enjoy taking a leadership position, and Mi carefully managed everything from the back. Anna was in the center of everyone with her own light, constantly looking around and making sure there were no problems, making light talk and familiarizing herself with the others. While the individual groups were still barely visible, everyone had spread out, rather than all staying clumped together, filling the space in between each other.

As I watched every heavy step and heard every nervous word it seemed as if everyone in front of me had coalesced with the surrounding darkness, leaving only the floating lights they carried. The shadows weighed down my heels and turned every step into that of a marathon of efforts, constantly running the gauntlet. With every step I could feel my skin peel off again. Overbearing weight by the burden of both sides, a balancing act that could only be held up by strength. From the lights shadows formed, and as they walked they turned their heads toward me, and impertinently laughed at my misfortune, only to slate their indefatigable animosity for my eyes, and the tired light that flickered and burned in them.

My mind was torn away from the metaphysical, as my train of thought was disrupted by a slight tug on my sleeve. “Hey, where is it that we’re going?” Mi was looking up at me in curiosity and anticipation.

“Ah, well we’re heading to a place currently called the ‘Underground.’ It’s a safe space and our new homes. I think it’d be better for you to ask Anna, she should know more about it than I do.” She sort of shuffled for a bit at the suggestion, and so I decided to ask her a question of my own. “Where is it that your parents went?”

“Well they left the house saying they’d be back soon, but they were gone for three days and never came back. Some other people came by and said that we should head to the city square and get in line. After that we met you.”

“Do you know who these people were?”

“No, but they were all wearing these dark blue uniforms.”

“Hmm,” I thought for a moment, and soon after changed the topic, “Do you want to find your parents?” She held her mouth shut, either unsure or unable to answer. I placed my hand on her head for reassurance, “Well you don’t have to make a decision now, you’ll be with me for a while so don’t worry about it.” She relaxed at the statement and our conversation continued.

“Will Anna be staying with us?” She inquired.

“That’s up to her. Even if we’re old friends she’s got a job, a life, and a mission of her own,” I glanced up momentarily and saw her talking amongst the crowd, “She’s always been a rather free spirit.”

She followed up, “Can So stay with us too?”

“Of course he can, what, you think I was just gonna keep one of you?” She gave a warm and satisfied smile, the prior nervousness starting to melt away. “Well don’t let me keep you from making new friends, guess you should go up and make sure So doesn’t cause any trouble, while you’re at it can you send Anna my way?”

[writingworda]

Alrighty, took a minute to get this post up cuz I deleted docs off my phone and I haven't actually used tumblr on desktop before. And I know some people can get pissy about using it on anything but desktop but listen, on my phone it's easier to hide my shame, here? Anyone looking over my shoulder will know that I belong in hell.

ANYWAYS, I got a new poem for ya' so here you go-

“What God Fears”

The bell that fell from Babel rings in the solid ground

Lightning strikes point their fangs towards the heavens

And the roar of waves uphold the pillars of humanity

The dogs will no longer hold their snarls

They will no longer beg and whimper for the crumbs

The wind will blow the trumpet, order the housecarl

The iced rain will cool the fiery blood that runs

Our teeth will gnaw on the roots of the world tree

But may our jaws break before our spirits

And may our bars of splintered bones let us free