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I’m starting to fall into the groove. The decision to go and do the thing everyday is becoming easier. Will power with staying the course on food is strong. Even though everything is still hard, things are good right now on the “be better” front.

Today was a push. Woke up early with the baby, got her back down and went for a 5k walk, then did an afternoon strength session - while on hour of my IF today. My “heavy” weight was something I’d toss around warming up several months ago. Humbling. But I’m trying to be smart about it all this time around. I’m notorious for going way too hard and burning out when it comes to trying to lose weight. No wonder it would never stick. Also, there’s no sense in trying to go too heavy too quick and getting injured. My girls are too important for that kind of nonsense.

But it’s still hard. I’m still soaked in sweat. I’m still exhausted. And I’m still loving it. I’ve missed this feeling, and it’s good to have it back. I could do without developing and ripping a blister in the same workout though...

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I can remember a time - not too long ago, actually - that this would have been an easy warmup for me. Today, it was a hard workout.

It’s hard to come back after a few weeks off... even harder after 11 weeks I off with sleep deprivation and terrible food choices, but we got a pretty cool baby out of it, so not a total loss. I’ve also started intermittent fasting again - goal is 16-18 hours a day. Since I’m not new to it, it’s going pretty well for first week back. I’m even tracking food. I know... #fitblr, amirite?

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Running is hard.

Starting over is harder.

Getting older and falling apart is hardest.

But fall running is seriously the best.

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Forewarning: weird feels/words/post ahead. Suddenly, I was awake. Got up and got out for a morning run - it’s been a minute since I’ve done that. No watch or tracker, just me, a purple shuffle and The Habitat. I’m guessing about 2 miles, probably less. Regardless - I just needed to get out and clear my head to start the day fresh. If you follow my wife, then you may already know it’s stressful times surrounding us. There’s been a lot of feels and emotions that I can’t explain and much less understand. Quick to anger over nothing, lose it over a comment, flip from happy to grump at the click of a mouse, and cry at the slightest signs of empathy - and I’m talking about myself. I can’t begin to fathom what she’s going through... what you’re going through. I know it’s enough to tear some people apart - but not us. The one trump to shadow them all is love, and it’s overflowing. I love my wife. And she is enough for me. She doesn’t have to do or give anything else to draw more love from me - she has it all. And she is... you are perfectly enough.

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Well, this happened... and right when I was thinking about a “comeback.” Maybe it’s a sign. Maybe it’s a sign for something completely different. But it’s my (blog’s) birthday, and I’ll try if I want to (come back).

Let’s catch up. ( tl/dr - there’s a lot to catch up )

I let life excuses get in the way of health and keeping that in the forefront of my growing agendas. Sure, I’ve been working out off and on for the last few years, but since then [ read as “back when I was healthy(er) and skinny(er) and active(r)” ], the discipline just hasn’t been there. Even with CrossFit 4-5 times a week, “You can’t out train a bad diet.” I know - I’ve been trying. Since I discovered Crossfit, I ran less and less until none at all. All I wanted to do was lift heavy shit and get good at it. And I kinda have. But I still ate like I was running all the miles. It didn’t take long for all 100 lbs I had lost to come right back. Sure, I’m a lot stronger. Even at the same weight I was when I started, my body doesn’t look the same. But I’m far from healthy.

I’ve tried to get back into running, but every year it get harder excuses, injuries come easier excuses, and my knees get louder & more painful excuses.

I’m tired of the excuses. I’m tired of killing myself at workouts only to maintain a “morbidly obese” BMI. I’m tired of getting angry at myself for repeating the same crap every week expecting results.

So I made a plan. - Step 1: fix my diet. I need to quit working against myself. *opens MyFitnessPal already thinking about all the foods I want to eat*

- Step 2: fix my knees/ankles/legs. They shouldn’t sound like breaking wood every time I squat or hurt when I run. - Step 3: fix my routine. More clearly, make one.

Diet: I’m 1 week in and it’s going. It’s crazy how you convince yourself that some things are “healthy-ish” and “not that bad...” until you start putting them back into a food tracker. Rude awakening.  

Knees: I did some research and found a guy from Men’s Health that had developed a similar plan to work on his knee issues and strengthen his legs, with great success. I took a few things from his plan to incorporate into my own. The Basics: - squat every day. Goal is to hit at least 100 daily - which is actually pretty easy (thanks, CrossFit). Air / Goblet / Bulgarians - mix it up. Increase with time. - work up to 10 minutes of lunges & step-ups after workouts - I started at 5 mins because I know what hurt this will bring to the glutes - eventually working to weighted and increased time. - Squat and deadlift heavy at least once a week.

Here’s my weekly routine trello board:

That leads me to here - the unplanned “Step 4: fix my tumblr.” Call it accountability, a virtual checklist, a place for me to complain about how sore I am so @beachyrunner gets a break... hell, call it a comeback. It's all the same. I lost a lot of weight once and a great tumblr community was there to help me through it. Now, I’m doing it again and if something isn’t broke... find a really good giphy and post it on tumblr.

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Op.

Oh no.

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Don't call it a come back... But there are Internet's at our house. And they're all cuddling, per-usual. @danielleruns @beachyrunner @runningwithguts

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Hello? You all still out there?

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If you need a good laugh, listen to this 100 times.

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The Last Day

Today’s my wife’s (you all know her as @beachyrunner​, I know her also as beachyrunner, and Beachy, and girlf, and wife, and bash-brother... the list continues, but I desist) last day of work at her current job. I’ve watched a lot of ups and downs with her and this place, and it’s been a cool experience and she’s done well and accomplished a lot and all... 

But, I do know that this is a happy day for the Beachy, so I’m doing my part to join in the celebration that only last days can bring. Feel free to join in as well.

I’m proud of you, babe. Nothing left but to happy dance it out in style. 

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I need this in my life. Great, find @rebuildingkev!

Saw this today and had to buy it!

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I feel like you wrote this in my stead… like you guest blogged for my brain.

Tumblr 10’-12’ was so much a part of life with friends, influence, encouragement, support… I even met my wife from tumblr. (Imagine how that would have gone if we didn’t have replies @staff? It wouldn’t. You could be preventing a future tumblr marriage right now. Insert appropriate ‘for shame’ gif here.)

I can’t say my slow fall from tumblr is because the community has changed so much - it’s not the same as it was and that’s life - but it’s mostly because of me. I’ve changed. I’m not doing my part. I miss the guy I was then as much as I miss all the tumblrs that were a part of helping that me through a tough journey to a place of health and happiness.

To be honest - I need it again. I feel like I’m back at square 1… but it’s different now. I know the path. What’s ahead. The struggle busses to come. The abandoned wagons. The group wagons. The wagons with the little girl raging out of control, down a hill and into the woods. The milestones… it doesn’t make it easier. It’s like beating a game then playing it again on the harder difficulty setting (for my nerds).

While it will be another long, tough journey, it’ll never be as fun as it was circa 10’-12’… making friends and writing peace songs because some tumblrs are tough to win over and going to meet ups to run and never to just get together and hangout and driving hours and hours to hop in a car and drive more hours with people you’ve never met to meet more people you’ve never met yet it all feels like friends you’ve known for years and crazy Boston lady run and jump hug you like it’s your best friend you’ve never met… but maybe it’s time for something new. Not better, but maybe just different and hopefully just as good.

Maybe it’s tumblr. Maybe it’s not. Either way, we’ll always have tumblr 10’-12’. And for what it’s worth for those of you still out there, thanks. It was the best. Let’s do it again.

Tumblr, Fall Class of 2010.

I miss the “golden era” of Tumblr. For me, that’s the people who joined Tumblr around the time of Fall 2010-Spring 2011.

I miss the days when everyone was traveling to destinations to meet up with a bunch of “randoms they met on the Internet” and had a blast. I travelled to Conway fricking Arkansas to run a half marathon and wore a t-shirt with Zoolander on it. I watched a guy take on “The Burrito Challenge” in which he ate three or something burritos and ran miles or laps (I forget). I enjoyed following along as another guy in California ran six marathons in six months. I donated to St. Jude’s because some people ate a ridiculous amount of pancakes. I ran a Christmas 5k with an introvert and proceeded to eat her pancakes << not an euphemism. We made friends in Chicago…and had a hell of a time running that marathon. We ran and worked out…we put lip sync videos together. I made bad song parodies. We read about a couple of Brits “coming to America”. Wbaw sold some t-shirts. People did epic shit.

If you were not on Tumblr during that era I’m sorry. You really missed out. Sure, people are still doing epic things but I miss a lot of those people. I miss those stories. I miss those people. But like all good things…they have to come to an end. I think Tumblr is a place for people to go, figure some shit out, and move on. It’s like a cross between college and rehab. You come do your crazy shit, talk through it, work stuff out, then you graduate and move on. You may one back from time to time but it’s not the same. You’re the alumnus to a fresh group of people who are “the new class”. They have their own thing and their own jokes…and all we can do is say “remember the time when __________?”

Maybe I’m just feeling nostalgic. Maybe it’s that Tumblr has changed. It was easier then. Whatever it is, to me…it’s not the same. I’m not leaving (just yet), but it’s no longer what it used to be.

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I've been doing this thing with this girl and I like it. I want to fall back in love with running. I think it's happening.

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Earned it after that wod. Now bring on the Philly cheesesteak.

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I NEED NEW MUSAC.

Send me what gets you through your workday - cause if I listen to the Lumineers’ or any of Metallica’s albums again my ears will self destruct. 

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More morning miles. I'm happy with the drive to get out and get on the road. I've missed the feeling and freedom of Saturday morning runs. It was foggy and cool - which quickly turned to hot and humid as soon as the sun hit it, but just being out there... I've missed it. What I haven't missed is the negativity, the name calling and constant belittling that comes from my own head. I can be a real ass to myself. It took me until the end of my run to realize what I was doing to myself, then was able to see what I was for myself. I used to think the head games were hard a few years ago starting out... starting over again is a completely different game.

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The thing about running, at least for me, is that sometimes it feels like running, feels like it looks like I’m running, and maybe even doing so at a decent pace… until I look at my watch and then it suddenly feels like a lot like walking.

But, I’m up early and doing it.