She can't explain everything ... so here is the rest of what is there but she can't say.
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TIM BURTON’S FILM’S PROMPTS !
triggering / nsfw may be present , these are taken from varying films.
“ With this candle… I will set your mother on fire. ”
“ Your cup will never be empty, for I will be your wine. ”
“ With this ring, I ask you to be mine. ”
“ Please, there’s been a mistake. I’m not dead. ”
“ If I touch a burning candle, I can feel no pain. ”
“ If you cut me with a knife, it’s still the same. ”
“ I know her heart is beating, and I know that I am dead. ”
“ Isn’t the view beautiful? It takes my breath away. ”
“ I’ve spent so long in the darkness, I’d almost forgotten how beautiful the moonlight is. ”
“ I feel my heart is aching, though it doesn’t beat it’s breaking. ”
“ Yet the pain here that I feel…try and tell me it’s not real. ”
“ I know that I am dead. It seems that I still have some tears to shed. ”
“ I was a bride. My dreams were taken from me. ”
“ This wedding cannot take place until he is properly prepared! ”
“ What are you doing here at this hour? You should be at home, prostrate with grief! ”
“ What a story it is. A tragic tale of romance, passion, and a murder most foul! ”
“ Why go up there when people are dying to get down here? ”
“ This would stop his heart forever. Only then would he be free to give it to you. ”
“ If I hadn’t just been sitting in it, I would say that you’ve lost your mind! ”
“ You don’t know me, but I used to live in your dead mother.. ”
“ Be gone, ye demons from Hell! Back to the void from whence you came! ”
“ We must abide by their rules! We are amongst the living. ”
“ Let’s turn on the juice and see what shakes loose. ”
“ Hey, these aren’t my rules! Come to think of it, I don’t have any rules! ”
“ Uh, I think, uh, they’ve had enough “exorcise” for tonight. ”
“ Not so fast, round boy. We’re gonna have some laughs! ”
“ And that, is why I won’t do two shows a night anymore babe, I won’t. ”
“ My whole life is a darkroom. ”
“ Don’t mind her. She’s still upset that someone dropped a house on her sister. ”
“ I will go insane and I will take you with me! ”
“ I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. ”
“ Uh, what I meant is, can you be scary? ”
“ Oh! I didn’t know you were asking me. Can I be scary? ”
“ I don’t think we survived that crash. ”
“ Please, they’re dead. It’s a little late to be neurotic. ”
“ Well, how is it you see us and nobody else can? ”
“ Well, I’ve read through that handbook for the recently deceased. ”
“ It says: ‘live people ignore the strange and unusual. I, myself, am strange and unusual. ”
“ I, myself, am strange and unusual. ”
“ I mean they’re gone, split, out of here, afterlife kids, deceased-ahh. ”
“ I was just wondering could you help me get out of here? ”
“ Are you gross under there? Are you Night of the Living Dead under there? ”
“ You know, if I had seen a ghost at your age I would have been scared out of my wits. ”
“ You must believe me. it was a horseman, a dead one. Head less. ”
“ I think you have no heart. And I had a mind once to give you mine. ”
“ Villainy wears many masks, none so dangerous as the mask of virtue. ”
“ I have shed my tears for [ name ], and yet my heart is not broken. ”
“ Their heads were not found severed. Their heads were not found at all. ”
“ He’s on the rampage, cutting off heads where he finds them. ”
“ That’s the problem; He was dead to begin with. ”
“ What happened to you? Where are your parents? ”
“ It’s not heaven he’s from! It’s straight from the stinking flames of hell! ”
“ The power of Satan is in him; I can feel it. Can’t you? ”
“ He has been sent first to tempt you. But it’s not too late. ”
“ Sweetheart, you can’t buy the necessities of life with cookies. ”
“ You see, before he came down here, it never snowed. ”
“ If he weren’t up there now, I don’t think it would be snowing. ”
“ I don’t love you anymore. I just want you to go, okay? Just go. ”
“ Are you serious? I’m gonna lose you to that? He isn’t even human.. ”
“ Trust me, dearie, it’s gonna take a lot more than ale to wash that taste out. ”
“ We could have a life, us two. ”
“ Maybe not like I dreamed. Maybe not like you remember. But we could get by. ”
“ In these once familiar streets I feel… shadows… everywhere. ”
“ You have a room over the shop, don’t you? ”
“ Haven’t been there in years. People think it’s haunted. ”
“ You see, years ago, something happened up there. Something not very nice. ”
“ I tried to stop her, but she wouldn’t listen to me. ”
“ If I see your face again on this street, you’ll rue the day you were born. ”
“ You’ll kill me, boy? Well here I stand! ”
“ You’re barking mad! Killing a man what done ya no harm! ”
“ Don’t worry no one’ll recognize you. You’re safe now. ”
“ I’ve never had dreams. Only nightmares. ”
“ I won’t slay anything. I don’t slay, so put it out of your mind. ”
“ Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk? ”
“ Some says you survive it, you need to be as mad as a hatter. ”
“ There is a place, like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery and danger. ”
“ Why is it you’re always too small or too tall? ”
“ You used to be much more… muchier. You’ve lost your muchness. ”
“ It looks like you’ve run afoul of something with wicked claws… ”
“ What if it were agreed that “proper” meant wearing a codfish on your head? ”
“ Do you know what I’ve always dreaded? ”
“ I’d rather you didn’t. I’ll be fine as soon as I wake up. ”
“ If you’re hiding her, you will lose your heads. ”
“ I don’t care! He wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for me! ”
“ I’ve been shrunk, stretched, scratched, and stuffed into a teapot. ”
“ So, I’ve come to you hoping you might understand what it’s like. ”
“ There are questions I have to answer, things I have to do. ”
“ You two remind me of some funny boys I met in a dream. ”
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Try this shit again ?
She's back again. I swear I have some form of BPD. My hobbies change as often as my damn mentality. But see if I can't get writing again. Maybe I'll get somewhere this time or it will stick.
I quit smoking. Yes I'm proud of myself. No I don't have my own place yet. which is god awful frustrating. not tonight. I'll.... sort my head out here and catch up here tomorrow. thats my plan . little bits at a time.
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Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some communication
Mark Twain
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"Exhale Chaos" #pencildrawing #blackandwhite #stressrelief #overthinking #420artist #outofcolor #outoftime
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"Hey I go down and sink my feet in the water And I soak up that sun and I watch it set Yeah, I can feel the power of the saltwater gospel I'm as close to God as I can get" ~Eli Young Band #losemyself #closertoheaven #oceantherapy #firsttime2018
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changes
God hoe much things have changed in the last month. years of agony misery and denial all done. now to clean up the aftermath. that's the shit part. is it ? 6 long years over. hmmm
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Goals. Sticking with it.
I'm tired. No that's an understatement . It's 10:49 pm. I'm drained mentally I'm exhausted emotionally and physically I'm amazed I'm still upright tbh. 28 and I am too old for this chaos. And too old to run off 2 hours sleep anymore. Bright side. My oldest is home as of 2:30 am my ex left at 5 am. Work by 730 am done by 7 pm. Home make dinner. And then spend till 11 pm baking. Cause I'm a idiot ? I wasn't going to write. But this is something I guess. Stick with it. Cookies almost ready to come out. Joint almost gone. And almost time to say my good night's to my person. Anyway. Cookies done.joint gone. Bedtime for mama. Short sweet but I did it. :)
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Finding more of me
I feel so lost. Little things again. I need to find me again. I need to get out and away. Simple happiness and so hard to get. One thing at a time. Blog more. Meditate more breathe more. Walk more love more laugh more. Smoke less worry less stress less. Just want to be free.
Start with this blog a little more. Write a little more. One safe place claimed back as my own at a time.
Tonight my oldest comes home. Gone almost two months. I miss her so much. Between that and my beautiful youngest and a very special friend I've managed to keep upbeat and in good spirits all day. Body feeling a bit rough but I'm okay. Compared to the sick I lived through this weekend. Current stress would be the amount of stuff to do before my daughter and her dad get here. Greatful for the amazing man I had keeping me company all day and upbeat and understood I needed today. Now. Time to go do dishes uhg ! I'll write more later. This is my goal #1 daily constant writing. I know it's stress relief for myself.
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...... when you think you may need help...
One definition of emotional abuse is: “any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth”
“ Relationship abuse is a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. Abuse can be emotional, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation. Abuse tends to escalate over time.”
“Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. … Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence or other repercussions if you don’t do what they want.”
……….but how the fuck do you get away ???
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Calm your fingers Free your mind slowly let the fear subside. Buried deep it likes to hide Insecure and feeling tired Screaming yelling All the obscene Screaming yelling Wants to be free Trapped in her mind The colors swirl The clock slows down And time stands still Freeze the frame..... Don't move Don't blink Absolutely no sighs Dont bend or move Don't you realize? She's a doll She's a puppet On show for display So picture perfect Can't be any other way But inside her head The colors swirl The emotions the feelings It's all a blur. Her heart loves big Her worth is small Can she find the strength Inside her at all? Breathe life into me Her eyes scream again. The dullness the blankness All blending in. Her shoulders hunched To protect her heart Her arms are crossed To keep her from falling apart. Her mouth is rough and her attitude the same All defense mechanisms She's playing the game As walls goes up And armour in place The shield comes down There's simply no way To leave herself exposed To feel the pain And then stand up And do it again. Thats a dead man's wish So wish upon a dead man's star And maybe just once .. Who knows ..
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Thinking breathing Rapid thoughts Legs crossed tight And dripping wet Her hand it aches to feel the swell Her tongue it craves the taste as well The smell of him as it infiltrates Her every sense Without delay Her tongue it knows the rhythm well it knows the beat and the silky feel Of places it has been before
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A Letter to THAT Guy
Dear That Guy You know who you are. You are the one who keeps me sane. Your the one who picks up every single broken piece that everyone else has left behind and you gently and carefully try and repair those pieces. You are the guy who no matter how shitty your day is or how stressed you are, you always have a hug an open ear and a big shoulder always waiting if I need it to cry on. You sir are a real world superhero. Maybe not to the masses, but you are to me. You make the days easier to breathe through. You make a very lonely soul less alone. And less afraid. You give me strength when I need it most and encouragement when you know I can do it alone. Thank you. Thank you for proving not just in words but in actions as well that you really are different. And for smiling and being there for me, through every single meltdown I have. Every tantrum, and moment of fear or weakness or anxiety that takes hold of my heart. You are a special person sir. So much so and yet you don't even see it. You smile and accept compliments but you never believe that there could be so much truth behind them. You are patient and gracious. You are supportive and strong and kind. Your gentle and considerate. Your also funny and silly and playful. Tempermental 50/50 on the temper and mental and yes I love every single bit of every side to you there is. There is a time and place for everyone and everything in life and right now I'm just so fucking grateful you are a part of mine. I am silly and insecure and irrational and moody and psycho but you really do bring out all the good in me. The fun and loving and calmer side of me. The side of me that wants more in life and has dreams and goals again. You are honestly at this point in my life not my only friend but close and mostly deffinatly the bestest one I have and i would never trade you for anything else in this world. Thank you for making my dreams bigger and my reality better and my world fuller. You old man are stuck with me for a very long time. When I can see a future...a partial one a full one any kind of future with you in it... I'm not letting that go. #SorryNotEverSorry Xoxoxox That Her
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LOSING COLORS
Voices loud Shaking my head Cant feel free Cant get a grip Slipping sliding Reality gone bury my head in one more song The thoughts they spin around and round Until shes lying on the ground Cover her ears and close her eyes Trying to shut out the disturbing noise Reaching one hand And then the next trying to find that solid ship Something to hold on to a hand to hold a return from hell A trip untold. First one let down Then the next Shes slowly learning She has no chance no reason to smile No way to hold on no place to go Noone to keep her warm. Shes all alone in the big fucking mess She desperately wants to take a rest. But resting is not what she was made to do So get up and go and push right through Live to fight another day On the outside anyway But every time she falls down broke She loses colors , she loses hope Simple, easy, one more time Watch the razor make a line Watch the blood start to swell little tear drops ready to spill Feel the noose around her neck Every fiber pulling tight Across her skin so soft and bare Ready to rip and shred and tear The ways to go Arent nice or kind The way through hell is simply time The chaos swirling inside her head the pain in her guts her heart is dead. No more breathing on the floor only silence from her once more retracting back into her shell Closing up its not worth this hell Who to trust? And where to go? She really really doesnt know So she closes her eyes once more And it stops .
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Falling Twisted Broken bruised Her mind is failing A useless tool Her heart is broken Her soul is gone Searching searching Something to grab on Feelings, chaos Destruction inside Another broken part She doesn't think she can hide The smile is gone She's wasting away She isn't sure it matters What reasons to stay ? Then fight she's fighting Is it worth anything now The pain she is feeling Its taking control She feels herself slipping Slipping and sliding down Into the hole far under the ground Give her a reason A safe place to be Give her a shoulder She craves your company She tries so hard To be told everyday Your useless, your worthless Though it may never be said that way Actions speak far louder then words And all she can here Is it will never be you Not the best Not the kindest Or the happiest at all Not the wealthiest Not the prettiest Not even nothing at all And as she breathes in She wonders what right Does she having taking space In a world this tight She closes her eyes She breathes in really deep She tries to remember What others can see Her broken mind Conjures one then another Filtering sifting And coming up with nothing Nothing to help To ease or relieve Nothing to remove the burden from me The panic the sadness the hurt It is real The feeling of lost and lonely it sit in there too She can't breathe she can't think she hurts she's numb she's almost missing
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I will parent my way thanks
Seriously woman how many fucking times don't have yo tell you that I'm not getting rid of ,y kids sippy cup, I let her pray with you non problem, I let so Mich slide, and I appreciate a lot but I have boundaries this is one of them, when I say she needs it don't tell me she doesn't she will be just fine, I know my kid. Growl*
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