xampomi

[xampomi]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[xampomi]

My little brother has brain cancer

We found out in 2016:

see that little dot piece of shit, that’s the cancer that has been destroying his life, 

he has $4k of medical expenses medicaid wont cover because the government would rather let poor people fucking die than actually give a shit.

If you want to help my little brother with his medical expenses so he can get some important work done 

you can donate here: 

https://www.paypal.me/trevorth3

here is his gofundme he made: 

https://www.gofundme.com/5zmzcj-help-me-afford-medical-treatment

If not it’d be cool if you could spread this around, no pressure though. thank you for reading and have a nice day.

[xampomi]

Ladybug is finally done! I’ll post Queen bee and Reyna rouge pics soon ;)

[xampomi]

he said stop treating him like a fucking baby cause hes a grown man. but hes too nice to say no to yall so we end up with incidents like the baby bonnet and with him getting “cute” style haircuts just to please u freaks when it’s not even what he wants.

[xampomi]

[xampomi]

*sigh* what did s.korea do this time?

apparently dispatch exposed that inkigayo didn’t include bts on this weeks chart bc it was ‘inconsiderate’ towards other groups…. i dont remember 2013 bangtan or even 2016 bangtan having the luxury of not being put up against ‘giants’ during comeback weeks so they could Have A Chance but whtever

n the newscast that reported all korean songs on hot100 but left out EVERY BTS SONG that charted on hot100 said that they did it cause bts is a western group… :) … okey

goodnight

[xampomi]

a saga

[xampomi]

non native english speaker culture is constantly switching between british and american spelling and writing words however you prefer without caring about consistency and you dont really always know which is which anyway

[xampomi]

dive (m)

pairing: jeon jungkook | female reader genre: smut, swimmer!jungkook, photographer!reader, college!au tags/warnings: public sex, oral sex (m receiving), fingering, lots of jungkook being wet (literally), dom/sub undertones, sub!jungkook if you squint, jungkook is shy word count: 8.1k summary: this is a bad idea, you think, but there’s something so satisfying about seeing jungkook so pliant and desperate under your touch. you’ve seen him in all his glory, a boy who’s made for the water and loved by all, but you think he looks prettiest like this; up close, pressed against your body, and under the warm summer light. 

Summer’s truly a bitch sometimes. If you had it your way, you would be back at your apartment enjoying a homemade iced tea with your AC cranked up to its coldest temperature. You break sweat quite quickly under the sweltering heat, and you’ve learned that it’s better to stay indoors or under shade than to spend the day walking around with damp clothes and feeling the furthest from hot you have ever been (figuratively, of course).

It’s just inconvenient how you had chosen a hobby that required you to spend hours outside more often than you would’ve liked. No, not every picture has to be taken outdoors, but you’ve always preferred natural lighting rather than artificial. You like looking at sceneries and landscapes better than spending hours in the studio working on constructed sets. It’s just refreshing to be able to capture candid moments, whether it be the stillness of a pretty view or the bustling surroundings of a busy street. It all feels raw and unfiltered, just how you like it.

Keep reading

[xampomi]

what are you even supposed to do on twitter

every time i use it i get angry at someone every 40 seconds

[xampomi]

Took the opportunity to test out the pencil textures on Clip Studio.

The Winter Coat [Part 1]

[1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9]

EDIT: Fixed order, update with URL

[xampomi]

“ezra miller is going to be the first lgbt+ person to play a superhero!!”

i mean yes he’s going to be the first to get a solo movie but

[xampomi]

YAAASSS!!!! Sometimes it starts as just staring…. but then you get the creeps who will follow you. Be aware of your surroundings and if you see something happening/happen, don’t be afraid to “get in the line of sight” or saying something!

[xampomi]

BTS’ Jimin Received An Award From A Cultural Conservation Society For His Epic Fan Dance

BTS‘ Jimin has received a valuable award for his Korean fan dance performance at the 2018 Melon Awards.

The Kim Baek Bong Korean Fan Dance Conservation Society, which is an Intangible Cultural Property No.3, has presented Jimin with a plaque of appreciation for his epic Korean fan dance.

The Kim Baek Bong Fan Dance Conservation Society wrote, “By having reinterpreted the beautiful Korean fan dance in a unique way, you have made a great contribution in raising the status and aesthetic value of the Korean fan dance globally.”

In fact, Jimin’s performance had gone viral and indeed made a great contribution to sparking the interest of the global audience.

So-Yeon Guiho Ahn, Vice President of Ahn ByungJoo Chum.Ium Dance Company, delivered the Plaque of Appreciation to Jimin directly in the waiting room at Edaily Culture Awards as a representative of Kim BaekBong Fan Dance Preservation Society. (source: facebook)

On February 27, Jimin took to Twitter to share a photo of the fan-shaped plaque and share the honor with his fans. (source: twitter)

Congratulations Jimin! Watch Jimin’s epic fan dance here.

[xampomi]

Whatever BTS will wear during Dionysus, I know it will be the end for us all

[xampomi]

I watched that Ted talk where the woman and her rapist tell “their” story and it honestly shook me. A perfect storm of performative grief, the expectation of female forgiveness, and a “feel good, learn a lesson” ending.

I just keep thinking of her describing her rape, and his face turned towards hers, watching and listening.

Stories have power. Representation has power. And here we have a man who says this, one of the most chilling lines of all: “Instead, I was offered to really own what I did, and found that it didn’t possess the entirety of who I am. Put simply, something you’ve done doesn’t have to constitute the sum of who you are. The noise in my head abated.”

How many rapists are going to read that line, hear that line, remember that line? How many rapists just heard that their guilt itself can be assuaged? Because that is the audience here: victims being told to forgive, and rapists being told they should be forgiven.

I want everyone who reads this to know something important: you never have to forgive someone who hurt you. Ever. It may be to your benefit not to dwell on the hurt and keep it in the front of your mind, but you do not need to forgive. How dare they compare his “suffering” to hers? How dare they?

Women are called upon to forgive the unforgivable every day. Your anger is revolutionary and it is deserved.

[xampomi]

Britney Spears in a 1999 interview