xavier-lennon

[xavier-lennon]

“Right…”, Xavier sighed and eyed the creature that was apparently his friend. It was incredible that he had managed to avoid this fact for such a long period of time; So long, in fact, that he forgot about it entirely. “How convenient. I’m not sure what would please you more”, he attempted a joke, knowing that the delivery left much to be desired. He found that he still felt self-conscious talking to an animal. “Let’s go”

The journey to Ciaran’s was awkward. They walked side by side, like owner and dog, not saying much. Xavier wondered if Ciaran felt the same but didn’t dare ask. “You really staying here for good, hm?”, he broke the silence with a more general question instead. “I thought with everyone else leaving… I don’t know, I thought maybe you would join them too”  

Well...that was predictable. But still goddamn funny. Ciaran knew that he shouldn't laugh and did actually feel bad about scaring the poor bloke. Shit being as it had been around here lately, he should consider himself lucky that the man hadn't pulled a knife on him or something. Still, he couldn't keep the slight twinkle of amusement out of his inky blue eyes.

'Sorry mate, sorry. Truly. Wasn't tryin' to scare ya I promise' He assured Xavier, assuming the most submissive pose that a wolf like himself could, sitting before the other with his head slightly lowered. At the why, he let out a low huff, his lupine equivalent of a shrug. 'Out for a run and just happened to see ya' He replied, a more amused huff leaving him now at the man's question.

'I would love, but ya gonna see a lot more of me than ya likely bargained for' Ciaran chuckled. 'How 'bout we head up to mine? Ain't so far from here, and I promise I won't say a word again till I'm on two legs'

[xavier-lennon]

“Not intruding”, Xavier assured her promptly. As soon as he was able to make out the other person, his posture visibly relaxed. “I don’t own this land, anyway. Especially you can go wherever the hell you want” His lips twitched slightly, indicating that he was – at least in part – joking. With all that had been going on, he wouldn’t be too surprised If his rights as a slave would be even further restricted soon.

At her question, Xavier merely shrugged, pausing a few moments. “Not sure”, he admitted. Looking at the Mistress, he realized that he had not seen her before. But with the diminishing population, this would no doubt change in the future. “I went out for a run and found these on the way” He held out his pouch with coins. “Probably from people who left in a hurry” – or have too much to care.   “You?”

Ava was still trying to find her feet again around here, and she had to admit that she felt a bit lost still. She found herself wandering, when she caught an unfamiliar scent. She chewed on her lip and decided to just go for it and see who she could find. She made her way through, pausing when she spotted Xavier. She cocked her head to the side curiously, and stepped closer to him, cautious at first. She couldn't assume that everyone was friendly after all.

"It's alright," she said gently. "I didn't mean to intrude or anything like that," she said. "I was just out for a walk and here I am." She chuckled a little bit, shrugging her shoulders and allowing her hands to fall to her sides, shoving them in her jean pockets.

"What are you doing?" she asked curiously.

[xavier-lennon]

Xavier recognized the voice right away and was somehow glad that one of his oldest friends had not left the island with the others – even if it meant precisely that. He didn’t wish for Ciaran to be stuck on this island but at least they could keep on suffering together now.  A faint smile crept over his lips but when he turned to greet the other, it was not a man he was facing. Abruptly, he stumbled backwards and off the stone, his hands catching him before he fell to the ground entirely.

“Jesus, Ciaran!”, Xavier cursed, quickly straightening himself. If he had paid a little more attention, perhaps he would have realized sooner that something was amiss. Cautiously, he eyed Ciaran’s wolf form and knew almost instinctively what the other must be thinking. Although it was technically not a fall, his posture had been no less comical. It was more than probable that a stupid joke had already been formed in his lupine brain.

“I’m getting too old for this kind of magic. Why-“ But he stopped himself just in time. Why what? Begrudgingly he remembered the conversations he had with Qhuinn and her wasted efforts to get him excited about her wolf form. He couldn’t blame them for being who they were but there was no denying that part of him wished that they were human. “Never mind” With a dismissive wave of the hand, he sat back down on the stone, pausing. “Can you shift? Hearing voices like this is the last thing I need”  

Ciaran let out a soft huff, as he picked his way out of the woods. Fucking hell, summer was coming fast on the island. Which meant this was likely going to be his last mid-day run for a good goddamn while. He was getting too old for this hot as balls shit, and suddenly homesick for a good old fashioned rainy Irish day. As a run through the surf was the closest thing he was gonna get, the large black wolf headed in that direction. Surprised but quite pleased and the sight and scent that greeted him.

Had Xavier ever seen his wolf form? Ciaran for the life of him couldn't recall, and wasn't sure what was going to scare the hair off the man's sack first: seeing a huge-ass wolf right behind him, or hearing his voice in his head. Eh well, may as well do both.

'Aye, my ninja trainin' is payin' off then. Good to know' He projected, with a rumble of a chuckle, then was quick to reassure Xavier of who he was. 'Relax mate, it's just me'

[xavier-lennon]

Xavier’s lips twitched upwards in what could almost resemble a smile. Yet his brain was too caught up on his brief musings on the possibility of divine intervention and the incoming set of information for the expression to fully materialize. “No need. It’s a useful trait to have”, he assured her kindly. She was a stranger to him but he doubted that she was new. He doubted that there would be any new arrivals coming soon, not with the current state of the island.

Thoughtfully, Xavier looked at her and eventually shook his head. “I wasn’t sure what to wish for” As he sat down on a stone, he listened to her response and her words about wish-making made him chuckle. “I’ve been here long enough to know not to trust any wish-granters”, he pointed out. Djinns came to mind straight away but there were others too. He was uncertain if it was due to the powers they held but any creature capable of granting wishes would only do so at a – usually hidden –cost. “Not really. I found them on the way here” Xavier held out the pouch, indicating for her to take it. “You can try your luck if you want”

Sasha walked across campus with her bag stuffed full of books. She was in search of a new place to study after a couple afternoons at a coffee shop had made her more distracted than she wanted to be. After the too-quiet library, she'd thought she wanted the hum of activity around her, but that was a little too much. She started to think somewhere outdoors might be the happy medium she was looking for.

She saw someone near the fountain as she walked and made her way over just as he threw a coin into the water. "Sorry if I scared you, I've been told I'm pretty quiet." she said quickly. Sasha nodded to the fountain, "Did you make a wish?" she asked, stepping closer to the edge and looking into the water. "You'd think there would be a lot more wish-making on this island." she mused, when there were fewer coins inside than she expected. Then she turned to look at him and noticed the pouch. She looked at him quizzically, "Are you collecting coins?"

[xavier-lennon]

Xavier counted his coins, dropping the metal objects one by one into a small pouch. He still looked a bit stunned, as well as he should have. 10 bucks were a fabulous amount of money to find scattered on the ground. He made out nearly 5 different currencies, all scattered around from where people once lived and – he suspected – escaped. Maybe the recent change in administration was finally enough reason for them to leave. It was most surprising, however, that just as Xavier started to feel more like himself, the world around him became unfamiliar. He had not yet bothered to check if any of his friends stayed.

Pensively, Xavier threw one of his coins into the water. A superstitious person would take this opportunity to make a wish but nothing came to mind. Yet when he turned around, he discovered that he was no longer alone. His eyes gazed upwards briefly as if to check whether someone was perhaps up there who listened, even when nothing was said.

“Sorry”, Xavier then turned towards the other person. “I barely heard you”

[xavier-lennon]

“Forgive me, for all the things I did but mostly for the ones that I did not.”

— Donna Tartt, The Secret History, 1992

[xavier-lennon]

And this was the line of reasoning Xavier had desperately tried to avoid. It was difficult to believe that he had been so right about his situation. While it undoubtedly felt good to speak about what weighed so heavily on his mind, even now, he felt as if he could predict Winter’s response to his laxly phrased arguments. To add to this, the alcohol provided him – gladly – with a disorientation and a feeling as if something was not quite real about any of this, something like a dream. It was plausible that at any moment he might start, head on a pile of books, find himself in a darkening room alone.

“This is simply what you do”, Xavier dismissed the other as soon as it became apparent that, dream or not, he would be part of this scene for a little while longer. “No offense but you supernatural beings live by a different set of rules” He didn’t need another chance at life. He already made his choices. Yet the circumstances of his life often made him wonder if there was a larger force out there, something like a God, and if so, why they chose to send him back.

Winter’s elaborations on how she lost and subsequently reclaimed her lives pulled him away from his inner monologue – and back to the bottle. “I’m sorry”, he said as he poured himself another glass. Xavier knew that he could not express the sympathy and support her story deserved but that did not mean that her words did not shake him. He never thought about death nor the lives that he had taken, only ever about his own. “Do you not feel restless?”, came the genuine question. It was the dominant feeling inside him and all others only served to aggravate or dampen this restlessness. Xavier always thought of it as an immediate by-product of the life that was set out for him, and thus, suspected that she must feel the same. “I mean… If you died a human death, wouldn’t you want to die at some point? When you feel like you’ve done everything there is to do?”

She had to admit, three was a larger number of close calls then most faced but he was a soldier, that was to be expected. He continued on, assuring her that he'd heard it all before but she highly doubted that. This was a witch so closely tied to death that she intimately knew what it's breath on her neck felt like, what his cold hand grasping her heart felt like.

"You might have cheated death, but I've defied it. I've died twice now. This is the third body I've occupied. My third chance at life." She took a long sip of her drink. Let him ponder over that and see if he'd heard it before.

"The first time I was burnt at the stake. It was only a matter of time, I was living in Scotland at the height of their witch hunts and had somehow made it to 91 years old. It was only a matter of time before the finger was pointed at me," though it was irritating to know Peter had actually been the one to officially throw her under the bus, or rather on the pyre. Still, she likely wouldn't have made it much longer if he hadn't.

"The second, I was sent back to the death realms by my vessel using the very spell I'd acquired to save her," there was a bit of venom behind her words, the betrayal still aggravating but Winter's feelings on the vessel still walking this island were complicated at best.

"Now I hope never to face death like that again," it was the very reason she came back to study necromancy. She took another sip of her whiskey.

Finally her eyes met Xavier's with an open vulnerability to them. "It's a hard thing to shake off. Death, I mean. It's grip leaves scars no one can see," she might not suffer from guilt as Xavier did, but Winter suffered none the less. His guilt matched her fear in it's unrelenting control over them. They both shared in that much.

[xavier-lennon]

“You have access to more information than us, ‘s all I’m saying” Although the flippant response irritated Xavier, he kept a straight face. It was a testament to how much he had grown as a person that he was able not to take things personally and give the other the benefit of the doubt. He too was on edge, not least because of the current state of emergency. He doubted the others felt differently.

His patience should be rewarded as just when Xavier believed that he would be left alone, the guard turned back to assign him a task. Magic never ceased to amaze him and he watched the ball of light with caution. To his surprise, the essence was not as fragile as it appeared and he could feel its weight in his hand, warming his palms slightly. It was perhaps the first time he was so close to a source of magic, at least discounting the series of punishments and events the Institute had dished out. And it was very much unlike himself to accept it so willingly. “I will be right back”, Xavier promised him, despite the feeling of strangeness within him. “Thanks”

Uriel looked down to see who had spoken to him.  The fallen angel recognized one of the slaves that had been here a while.  There seemed to be a good number of slaves that had decided to stick it out here on the island, despite their option to leave.

“How would I know?”  Uriel asked, growling softly at the lack of the required honorific.  “I am neither omniscient nor a deity.  I was tasked to guard this location so I do not know what is going on outside.”  Uriel started to turn away when the slave spoke again, drawing his attention back to the slave.  “Well, considering that I do not know why the power has gone out outside of speculation, I do not know what you could do to assist.”  He started to turn away before stopping and holding out his hand, a ball of light forming in his palm.  “Here, take that to the other side of the shelter and see if any others need light.  I can make a few of these for those that need it.”

[xavier-lennon]

Xavier looked at his friend evenly, saying nothing, waiting. He had found over the years that silence sometimes yielded more than questions. And so it was this time. For the first time, Ciaran had not much to say but what he did say explained everything. A rumbling sound erupted from the man, something like a mixture between a sigh and a grumble. “And so what? You might not want to hear this but every one of us is a killer, even I. It’s maybe the only thing I have in common with the rest of them” The simple act of only hinting at the lives that he had ended seemed akin to breaking an unwritten rule. “And you’re the only one I know who feels guilty about it” Although Xavier was not proud of all of his actions, killing did not cause him nearly as much grief as it did for Ciaran. Now, that was an unsettling thought. “That speaks volumes about your character, Ciaran, no matter what or how it happened”

What's up. What's up... Wasn't that the question. What was up indeed? Why was he feeling like this over two rat-bastards who would have just as soon kiiled not only himself but Dom as well if he hadn't done what he did. It made no sense at all, especially as he had taken lives before in similar situations. One didn't live as long as he had without accumulating some sort of body count, after all. So why did this one weigh on his conscious so much? Maybe..Xavier could help him make heads or tails of it all. It was worth a shot and would, if nothing else, make the other feel as if his visit wasn't in vain. So Ciaran lifted navy eyes to the male's handsome face and, in the most Ciaran way possible, blurted out his confession.

"Haven't ya heard? I'm an evil killer. Boo.." He grumbled, before rewarding himself for that effort by draining his glass in one single long swallow.

[xavier-lennon]

At least Winter would not be haunted with guilt and worry. He hoped that he had judged her character right in that regard. It was part of the reason, maybe, why he had never spoken about this with anyone. The people he was close to would either be deeply upset or put him under surveillance for the rest of his life. Winter may disagree, he thought, but she wouldn’t make this her own.

Xavier snorted when she finally responded. “Yeah”, he agreed dryly. “Three times. I think that’s called cheating death. I’m not superstitious but even I have to admit that maybe this wasn’t meant to be” This, of course, referring to his continued existence. Indeed, he could not shake the feeling that his surviving had disrupted some kind of universal balance. “There isn’t something you can say that I haven’t thought about before”, he admitted after a long pause, letting himself fall back onto the couch. At last, he was feeling a buzz but was unsure whether the alcohol or his recent confession was to blame for it. “It simply is what it is now”

It wasn't hard to see she'd hit a nerve of some kind with her question. The way he flinched made that truth unmistakable. Winter could only hope she hadn't blundered too badly to ruin the night.

His words were quiet, an honest sliver of his mind, his burdens. Though there was little to go on, Winter guessed at their root...

Survivors Guilt.

It was the mark of a truly empathetic person to carry your own luck as something requiring penance. Winter herself had never suffered such a burden. Peter had trained that out of her very early in her life. He'd nurtured her coldness and ruthlessness. Then, after her first death, after seeing the world she'd be doomed to without a vessel, Winter became a monster clawing at life with a desperation that superseded any guilt.

Still, she wasn't immune to grief, to the weight mortality could place on anyone reminded of it.

"You escaped death," she stated but it was an opening, a plea that he might continue if he was comfortable. If anyone understood the nuance of clinging to life against all odds, it was her.

[xavier-lennon]

Xavier was once again reminded of how little he understood this world or its powers. Even his best attempts at comfort seemed to do little to reassure Qhuinn. Was it because they were half-arsed or simply lies? Who was he to say that everything was going to be okay? He didn’t have a clue what was even going on, only that they needed to get away as fast as possible if they wanted to survive. It seemed that survival was not a priority for either of them; Not for Xavier who did not care whether he lived or died nor for Qhuinn who always prioritized the feelings of others over her own. It seemed that they found each other at the best possible time.

Easy. Xavier almost had to laugh out loud at that. Most people were in a terrible state and in a building that could easily collapse at any given time. Fortunately, life had shown him enough blood and terror for him not to be squeamish anymore, but that was all he could bring to the table. How was he supposed to know which injuries would be emergencies? Would they even be able to speak? But as he looked at Qhuinn, he found himself nodding without another word. He couldn’t do this to her, not now.

He went and started at the back and made a note on his phone with all the details he could gather. It was obvious that he lacked her subtle touch with people but most of them at least opened up enough to name the body parts that hurt the most. “Qhuinn” Ten, maybe fifteen, minutes passed until he called her back to him. The list on his phone spanned ten patients, all who had their own set of bullet points. He felt like he was doing a major disservice to those people by reassuring that help would be with them soon. “Here. I wrote you down everything I could find out. Is… Is that okay?” Of course, it would have been far better to move those people to their appropriate stations himself but he couldn’t bring himself to do so, only to later deliver the news that he had been wrong and that they needed to move again. “You should call Quinten”, Xavier blurted out eventually as the other was going through his notes. “I’m just wasting their time. Let me do something else like… I can try and find  your ring”

I won't leave you. Ever. Those words were enough to almost send Qhuinn into a fresh wave of tears, but for a completely different reason. One day he would leave her, or she would leave him. And they may never see each other again. The thought of not having him in her life anymore was almost too much for the mental and emotional strain that she was already under, and it took everything that the empath had to tuck it away. She needed to focus on the present, not something that wasn't going to happen for at least several years. So she did put those thoughts away..right next to the ones that popped into her head when she got those feelings from Xavier. Tightening her grip on his hand even more, but still mindful to not use her full lupine strength, she led him into the front of the clinic. And holy shitballs..wasn't it a reminder that she didn't have her ring...

"Okay..okay" Qhuinn repeated, but to herself and to answer Xavier. Squeezing her eyes shut, she took a moment to dig deep inside of her for the strength to push past the feelings of pain and panic that threatened to engulf her completely. Xavier was her tether in that moment and she clung to his hand as if it were the only thing keeping her upright. Which it was. "It's easy, really. I just need for you to help me assess injuries. Ask people what's wrong, and split them into two groups: emergencies and non-emergencies. For the bad ones, we can call Quinten. He can poof here and help. Ready?" She asked, to him as much as herself. She had to let go of his hand now, she had to do her job. And after one long look into those steadying hazel eyes she did just that, taking one side of the room and gesturing for him to take the other.

[xavier-lennon]

❥      NON - SEXUAL   ACTS   OF   DOMINANCE . 

feel free to edit or elaborate as you please .   ( add  ‘ reverse ‘  to your message if you’d like to see how my muse would perform the action ) . otherwise , send in one of these for my muse’s reaction to   …

[ lit ]  your muse lighting a cigarette , spliff , etc. for mine . 

[ order ]  your muse ordering for mine at a restaurant or bar .

[ guide ]  your muse putting a hand on mine’s back to lead them .

[ pay ]  your muse paying for mine at a store , bar , restaurant , etc . ( you can specify where or for what . )

[ open ]  your muse opening a door for mine .

[ dry ]  your muse drying mine off with a towel after a shower , bath , swimming , etc . 

[ instruct ]  your muse giving mine instructions / telling them what to do . 

[ groom ]  your muse adjusting mine’s appearance , such as straightening a tie , fixing their hair , or buttoning their shirt for them , etc . 

[ direct ]  your muse taking mine by the chin and telling them to look yours in the eye .

[ disagree ]  your muse sternly telling mine  ‘ no ‘ .

[ rest ]  your muse resting their arm over mine’s shoulder / s .

[ clean ]  your muse cleaning a smudge of something off mine’s cheek , forehead , etc .   feel free to specify what and how . 

[ answer ]  your muse answering a question meant for mine . 

[ coat ]   your muse holds mine’s coat out for them while they put it on .

[ pilot ]  your muse taking mine by the arm , hand , shoulder , etc . to lead them . 

[ stare ]  your muse staring mine down . 

[ placement ]  your muse telling mine to sit down .

[ teach ]  your muse taking control of mine’s hand , arm , hips , etc . to make sure they do something correctly .  

[ patience ]  your muse telling mine to be patient .

[ tears ]  your muse wiping away mine’s tears .

[ swat ]  your muse swatting mine’s hand away from something they’re not supposed to touch .  

[ jewelry  ]  your muse clasping a piece of jewelry for mine , such as a necklace , or earrings . 

[ enough ]  your muse commanding mine to stop talking . 

[ retrieve ]  your muse requesting or ordering mine to retrieve them something .

[ invite ]  your muse inviting mine to sit on their lap .

[ lean ]  your muse inviting mine to lean into their side while they’re sitting or laying together . 

[ calm ]   your muse telling mine to  ‘ just breathe ‘ .

[ scold ]  your muse scolding mine for something .

[ comfort ]  your muse pulling mine into a reassuring hug .

[ approval ]  your muse complimenting mine on a choice they’ve made .

[ beckon ]  your muse beckoning mine to them without speaking . 

[ laces ]  your muse lacing , tying , or zipping something for mine , such as shoes , a dress , or a jacket , etc .

[ stay ]  your muse telling mine to stay in the car . 

[ defend ]  your muse defending mine’s reputation , dignity , or safety for them . 

[ feed ]  your muse feeding mine something , feel free to specify what .

[ volume ]  your muse demanding mine speak louder .

[ read ]  your muse reading something to mine .

[ refill ]  your muse refilling mine’s glass for them . 

[ possessive ]  your muse resting their hand on mine’s leg or the small of their back while they’re sitting beside each other . 

[xavier-lennon]

The future Xavier would hope to forget the actions of this night. It was important to get together as they had. It was maybe even their only chance of salvaging their friendship. Yet, he wasn’t proud of the way he acted. In a better state of mind, he would have told her his truths in ways that wouldn’t hurt. He would not have been this unstable entity who was so tempted by the prospect of getting drunk and of forgetting.

Her questions made him cringe and Xavier was reminded why he came to drink in the first place. Winter wasn’t as self-absorbed as he had once believed. She even had more wits and courage than he’d given her credit for.  This was a wonderful revelation; He only wished that he was more ready for it.

Where to begin? A part of him longed to seek advice from someone, or to simply speak about his troubles. He had kept them to himself for so long that it felt difficult to articulate. He was tongue-tied.  The liquor helped a little. “I shouldn’t even be alive” These were the only words that came out, quietly. Xavier emptied the glass and set it back down on the table. He had known this fact about his life for a long time now. He even knew what the rest of his life had to look like in response to it.  In a way, he had been lucky to have found the Institute. It would allow him some form of a normal life. But these had only been thoughts so far. To say even a part of it out loud? Xavier realized he was scared of the response.

Winter wasn't sure how to interpret his laugh but words soon followed. It was a little discouraging not to have an immediate 'no' offered her way but seeing as her reputation was back in the mud and most on the island agreed on her villainy, it was likely a just answer. How could Xavier answer a question she herself didn't know the answer to?

She hadn't anticipated his apology or changed answer. She weighted his words and they felt more true than anything she'd told herself late at night. She was a bad person, selfish and vengeful and proud, but she wasn't evil. She was a beast made by the hands of other monsters.

She felt more settled now, which was likely why something snagged her attention from his earlier words.

"You said you can't judge me," she began, musing aloud, "You always speak as if you've done horrible things too, but I can't think of one thing on the island that you should be ashamed of." She left the sentence open, hoping he might tell her about his own faults that seemed to weigh so heavily on his own shoulders.

[xavier-lennon]

Ciaran had both helped him out in the past and shown that he was capable of fending for himself – or at least so he thought. The fact that he claimed nothing was amiss showed that the situation was far too serious to ignore. The first thing to find out was whether Lilim made it so or if Ciaran was simply caught up with his own depression, maybe preferring to live in denial after all the Institute had put him through.

Only a faint smile painted his features as his friend posed for him. There was a brief moment of wonder if he could perhaps seduce the man to keep him away until the week was over but this idea was short-lived. Xavier could not lie to him and Ciaran would see right through him. And so he was left to his usual, honest ways. “You’re not confused. You’re fucking blind. Or hexed. I don’t know which one yet” He sighed. “Because that’s how she uses her magic. Watch her put candy in her mouth and you’ll be in pain the moment after” But, of course, that sounded crazy to someone who apparently witnessed nothing odd. Xavier looked up at Ciaran intently. “You should stay with a friend if you don’t want to kick her out. Please, you just have to trust me on this one”

Ciaran's lips twitched in an amused smile as he neared the spot Xavier had directed him to. He would never have pegged the other as the over-protective type but he had to admit it was kinda nice to have someone this worried over him for a change. Even if the reason for it was a bit odd. So far Lilim had been the perfect roommate in his eyes. The woman kept to herself and was fairly quiet, so there was no clash in personalities there. Xavier had to have caught her on a bad day or something. That was the only explaination in his mind.

"Aww, a basket of beer! Ya know the way to this man's heart love" The wolf chuckled, a brow quirking at the way Xavier looked him over. He was pretty sure it wasn't in a checking him out kind of way but that didn't stop him from striking a dorky pose before dropping down next to the other and greeting him with a knock to the shoulder as he took the offered bottle. "Darlin', I'm fine. Really. Just bloody confused if I'm bein' perfectly honest. What in the good goddamn is goin' on here?" Ciaran asked, as he nearly choked on his beer at the question. "No...why?" This was getting more bizarre by the moment...

[xavier-lennon]

Xavier smiled back at Evie, glad that his joke landed. That didn’t make the entire situation any less strange but he figured at least one of them felt better about it now.  Yet her next words elicited a questioning glance. “And this is the best?” He was baffled to hear that. Although this was admittedly the reason many of the students came to this island, he had yet to hear this being said out loud. “I mean… I guess you’ve got it better than me. I just thought there would be somewhere better or equally good out there in the world. You know… Considering the money you spend each semester”

She just wanted to help. Xavier repeated the words in his mind. Why did people think helping was so damn easy? Why not simply help someone they knew? It didn’t take a raffle for Evie to take someone into her home. And there were a dozen other people who would be more grateful and more wanting of this help. But he said none of that. He already spent enough time around her to know that voicing these doubts would only upset her. Besides, there was nothing that could be done about this decision now. “I’m shit at cooking too. Sorry to disappoint”, he said instead and grabbed the stack of menus she mentioned. He would offer to pay but was promptly reminded that he had no job – and thus no money. “You got a preference?”, Xavier called after her but Evie was already gone.

And so Xavier was left pondering. The sugar gliders eyed him suspiciously, or maybe hoping that he would order something they liked too. “Forget about it, mate. I don’t even know what you are”, he heard himself mutter towards their direction before picking up the phone. Pizza felt like a safe choice. He ordered a large one to share and a salad, just in case, and waited for either Evie or the delivery guy to join him.

Evie had to giggle at that. She had thought the same thing herself, and pointed it out to her parents when they had decided this was the best place for her. But, as she had done her entire life, she’d went where she was told without question. “You could say that again” She grinned. “But my parents wanted me to have the best. And luckily I managed to befriend a witch who enchanted me my own little practice pond. So I make do” She explained, blowing the damp strands of dark hair from her forehead. They had reached her guest room then, with it’s soft sage wallpaper, gilt-framed floral paintings, and antique cherrywood bed. How ridiculous this must all seem to him.. Flushing softly, she leaned against the doorjab as she explained once again.

“I just..wanted to help. Simple as that” Evie remarked softly, shrugging. “I figured even if it was someone who didn’t like me, or who I didn’t get along with, I would just give them their space. I have a full enough class load and my shop so I’m not home a lot anyway. So..it’s just an opportunity for someone to sleep in a real bed and have some privacy for a week. I would add homecooked meals to that but I have a feeling whatever they have in the cafeteria would be better than whatever disaster I would try to cook up. But you’ll have your choice of takeout!” She laughed. “Well..I’m going to grab a quick shower. Make yourself at home. Please. The takeout menus are in the drawer next to the fridge. And feel free to talk to my sugar gliders! Rufus is the brown one, and Titania the white” And with that, she gave Xavier one more shy smile then went across the narrow hallway to her own bedroom.

[xavier-lennon]

People always spoke about the bliss of getting drunk and letting loose. He had gotten drunk in the past before, though never to forget. Forgetting had only ever been a byproduct. Now that he came to drink for this purpose specifically, he realized how fucking hard it was to even feel a buzz.

An almost humourless sound escaped his lips at her question. It wasn’t to mock her. He only now realized that he wasn’t the only one who was about to lose his mind. “Don’t care if you are, don’t care if you’re not. I can’t judge you”, he said before finishing the liquid in his glass. This was how he felt at the moment but Xavier knew this wasn’t the truth. “Sorry” His voice become a little softer. “And no, I guess I don’t. Maybe you’re not a good person – I honestly don’t know if you are – but you’re not evil, as far as I’ve seen”

xavier-lennon​:

winters-lust​: 

There was silence, though he wasn’t sure for how long. Much like her, he seemed to get caught up in his own thoughts. In the previous weeks, it became increasingly harder to untangle them and to find his way back to the present. Looking at the glass was just another way of stalling time, to appear normal in the company of others. Sometimes he wondered if it was possible to get stuck forever. Would he become mad if he allowed himself to?

Winter seemed much more shocked by his acceptance to drink rather than his silence. It made him wonder if he had been right to hesitate, though he did not comment. If she wished to trick or harm him, ultimately, there was nothing he could do. And where did such thoughts come from, anyway? She’s never harmed him. “That’s a shame”, Xavier sighed eventually, leaning back against the cushions. He was not a frequent visitor but remembered that they had been much closer when she still threw parties regularly. “You were good at those. I think it gave people comfort” He burned his throat again, then set the glass on the table, thinking that she probably should have brought more if she wanted to get them both drunk. At her response, a small, half-dry, half-kind chuckle sounded from his lips. “This place really is fucked up if I was the only person to tell you ‘no’ and mean it”

His eyes found hers, then landed back on the bottle, on the table. How had it come this far? Xavier felt dirty for being so unjust, for needing the alcohol to relax, maybe. How had they managed to tease and play and show affection just one year ago? “Go on, ask me something too”, he urged her then, only a tad out-of-character. “This is never going work if you don’t distract me”

Winter bowed her head at his words about her party skills. That's how she'd seen it too, throwing decadent and salacious parties for everyone to let go. Now she wondered if that was the truth. Was everyone letting go or was she justifying another twisted act. She could no longer look at her past objectively. It all warped and twisted until she could no longer see what had really happened.

She gave a humorless laugh shortly after his. "You have no idea," she agreed without further explaining. Instead she took a swig of her own drink to dull her twisting gut.

She tried to think of a question more like her old self to ask. She stalled by topping up Xavier's drink a bit after noticing his eyes take in the bottle. When she finished, she still couldn't think of anything fun and diverting, so instead she asked...

"Do you think I'm evil?" Her tone was light, curious, a little vulnerable even.

[xavier-lennon]

Xavier looked at her, unsure what to say. He knew what she was trying to do and he at least had the decency to feel guilty about the fact that it didn’t matter. This had been a terrible idea. Now there were two people he had to think about, just when he struggled enough to care for one. “I’m not hungry” – and he didn’t want to watch a movie, but he kept that much to himself. Not to think about anything was the only thing that sounded appealing, though he feared that even Qhuinn wouldn’t be able to make it happen.

He sat down by the kitchen as Qhuinn started to make coffee. The smell was perhaps the nicest he had sensed since the punishment. Xavier realized there weren’t many nice things that happened since the punishment, and hearing the she-wolf talk as she did, he began to suspect that she had brought him here for a reason. He sank deeper into his seat, head resting against his hands, expecting terrible news. “Then you already know I don’t wanna hear it”, Xavier frowned. What could possibly be so important that he needed to know now!? “OK. I’m ready. What is it?”  

Qhuinn huffed out a short laugh when he all but agreed that she was being a pain in the ass. Just in case there had been any doubt on her part that they were at the stage in their relationship where they could be completely and brutally honest with each other. “I’m asking for you to come and hang out with me for a few hours so I can stuff you silly and we can just chill and watch movies and not think about anything. Does that really sound so awful?” A dark brow quirked in a challenge as he finally got up and joined her. Qhuinn did intend on them doing exactly that..after she had her say. Tact and timing be damned, she was going to talk and he was going to listen.

Once they got to her place, she let Xavier and Remus greet each other and shuffled into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. “Look..there’s something that I want to talk to you about. Before the silly stuffing and whiskey and movies. And I want you to really think about it before you tell me no. Can..you promise me that? Please? It’s..really important to me Xavier. And yes I know I already played that card to get you here. But deal” She smiled tightly, pouring a steaming mug for each of them as she waited for Xavier’s promise. Or flat out refusal to even hear her out. Not that that would matter..