xdbug-bob
xdbug-bob
Lottie
90 posts
☆She/her ☆Minor Fandoms I'm apart of:☆Marauders☆ The outsiders☆ Dead Poets Society☆ K-Pop (ENHYPEN, Stray Kids, ITZY, Kiss of Life, aespa, Everglow, TXT)
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xdbug-bob · 23 days ago
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Guys I just realised me and @cloversplace are mutuals I’m actually freaking out rn
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xdbug-bob · 1 month ago
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Do you think Pony is suicidal? In your post about Pony dying in the fire you mentioned how the gang watches after him and you said “suicide watch” so now you’ve got me wanting to know more of your thoughts
Ok, I want to be very clear in that I don't think Pony is actively suicidal for most of the novel. But the kid is very obviously mentally ill. It's heavily implied that he was noticeably pretty depressed for a while directly following his parents deaths, and I think he's still depressed during the events of the book. He then suffers smoke inhalation and MULTIPLE head traumas in a very short amount of time. For anyone who doesn't know what a concussion does to your brain, it literally stretches your neurons (brain cells), or twists them irrevocably. It literally pulls your brain cells apart, and neurons (for the most part) do not regenerate. Multiple concussions in a row? That will probably leave lifelong damage, nevermind that it exacerbates symptoms that were already there. Ponyboy legitimately has a psychotic episode because of his concussion and his grief of losing Johnny. He genuinely and completely believes, even briefly, that Johnny didn't die and that he was the one who had stabbed Bob. Then we get to the part where he's describing a lot of symptoms of concussions- absent mindedness, forgetting things etc, before he gets to the part where he talks about the english assignment. Now, this part jumps out to me because its so much less in depth than the rest of the book. Part of that might have been the forgetfulness, but I think it was something deeper. Because Ponyboy doesn't shy away from a lot in the story, but he does gloss over things that are particularly personal or unsavoury that don't contribute directly to the story. We also know that Ponyboy is BIG into escapism, with his love of books and movies and his dependence on substances such as nicotine and asprin (i've written a post about his huge potential for addiction but I can't find it at the moment). I think yeah, the concussion played a role in some of his 'lost time' but I also think Ponyboy's mental heath was at an all time low and he wanted to keep that out of his account of the story as much as possible. It's clear in the following paragraphs that his teacher and his brothers and the gang were all pretty concerned, even if he tries to brush over it. After all, who'd want to confess to not remembering huge swaths of time or struggling so much with your grief you're struggling to cope with life? Not Ponyboy Curtis, thats for sure.
Thanks for the ask, I hope this isn't too rambly xx
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xdbug-bob · 1 month ago
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It was an unspoken rule, a subtle agreement among the greasers: Ponyboy was to be protected at all costs. Sure, he was smart, could handle himself in a rumble, and was growing taller by the day, but to Darry, Sodapop, and the rest of the gang, he was still the kid, their kid. And sometimes, their protective instincts bordered on the ridiculously embarrassing.
Take, for instance, the time Two-bit found Ponyboy struggling with a particularly stubborn jar of pickles. Before Ponyboy could even properly grunt in frustration, Two-bit had snatched it away, twisted the lid with ease, and then, with a wink at Soda, declared, "Here ya go, squirt. Don't wanna strain those delicate book-learnin' hands." Ponyboy felt his face flush crimson as Soda ruffled his hair, adding, "Yeah, can't have you breakin' a nail before your next poetry readin'!"
Or the time Dally, of all people, caught Ponyboy walking home in a sudden downpour without a jacket. In a move that shocked everyone, Dally had peeled off his own, still-warm leather jacket and practically wrestled Ponyboy into it, muttering something about "not wanting his kid brother catching his death." The fact that Dally then insisted on walking Ponyboy all the way home, shielding him with an arm over his shoulder, while Johnny snickered behind them, did not help Ponyboy's dignity one bit.
But the absolute worst was when they'd all gathered at the Curtis house for a night of cards. Ponyboy, trying to act all grown up, reached for a beer. Before his fingers even brushed the frosty bottle, Darry's hand, swift and firm, covered his. "How about some chocolate milk, kiddo? We got a fresh gallon." Two-Bit chimed in, "Yeah, gotta keep that brain fueled for all them A's, huh, Pone?" Then, without missing a beat, Steve produced a sippy cup from seemingly nowhere, adorned with cartoon horses, and a knowing smirk. "Thought you might be thirsty, little man." The entire gang erupted in laughter, and Ponyboy, mortified, buried his face in his hands, silently vowing revenge. He knew they loved him, even if their love manifested in the most humiliating ways possible. And deep down, a tiny, part of him that he'd never admit, kinda liked being their baby brother.
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xdbug-bob · 2 months ago
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Omg YESSSS I’m currently brainstorming and planning out the story so I don’t lose motivation half way through. I’m def gonna write this.
Your suggestions were so good I’m ofc gonna add that in!
Would y’all be down with an au where Ponyboy grows up to be a doctor bc he doesn’t want people to lose as much as he has, but while he is working there a John Doe and a Jane Doe come in with trauma from being ran into by a train. Ponyboy goes to check in on them and once he sees their faces he realises their his parents.
He starts freaking out and then two more John Does come in and it’s Dally and Johnny. He’s obviously in full panic mode bc they’ve all been dead for 12+ years so what’s going on?
Well anyway I just thought of that and would like to know if anyone would read it. Obviously more would happen but that’s the main thing.
Also if anyone has ideas for it or wants to help it is welcome!
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xdbug-bob · 2 months ago
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Ponyboy Curtis core
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xdbug-bob · 2 months ago
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Fic idea I may or may not write:
“Johnny Cade is the name of a person who doesn’t, or would ever exist. Not in this context anyways.”
Or, Johnny was nothing more than a figment of Ponyboy’s imagination. So that begs the question, why did Dally actually kill himself? What happened at the park? And most importantly, who died in the church fire?
A psychological horror-esque AU of the outsiders
oh I have iddddeeeeaaaaassssssss
I’m prolly gonna write this, once I’m done with the 2 other long-form fics I have queued up (the first chap of one may be dropping soon btw…)
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xdbug-bob · 3 months ago
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Would y’all be down with an au where Ponyboy grows up to be a doctor bc he doesn’t want people to lose as much as he has, but while he is working there a John Doe and a Jane Doe come in with trauma from being ran into by a train. Ponyboy goes to check in on them and once he sees their faces he realises their his parents.
He starts freaking out and then two more John Does come in and it’s Dally and Johnny. He’s obviously in full panic mode bc they’ve all been dead for 12+ years so what’s going on?
Well anyway I just thought of that and would like to know if anyone would read it. Obviously more would happen but that’s the main thing.
Also if anyone has ideas for it or wants to help it is welcome!
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xdbug-bob · 3 months ago
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“You shouldn’t victimize James Potter so much.” No but you don’t get it. Like you don’t get it. James Potter wasn’t holier than thou. He wasn’t some celestial being sent from the heavens above to nurture and care for and give every piece of himself to everyone else. But he was a teenage boy who nursed the wounds from the tragic pasts each of his individual friends suffered though. He offered them shelter and love when no one else would have. And he bore the burden of it all without stopping to moan and complain about it. He wasn’t perfect, but he damn sure tried to be for them. He knew he was lucky. He knew he was the one, the 25% chance, the against the odds recipient of good parents and a good home life and enough money to put him through school, but rather than taking his luck and running he shared everything he owned with every single friend who didn’t have it. He shared his home, his fortune, and his parents because he knew he had those to share. Unlike all of his friends whose worst moments and traumatic experiences came from the past they escaped, James Potters tragedy came at the end of the beaten path of his future. He was around long enough to hold each one of his best friends hands through the worst years of their lives, and just as all was well with them he met his. Only no one was there for that. In his last acts of life he tried to save his wife and son, but he himself died alone in the doorway of his own home because he was willing to greet the stranger at his door. His own virtue got him killed. His love and faith in humanity was what caused his death. And he had to be alone for it. He isn’t perfect or saintly or someone that necessarily needs to be victimized but highlighting the fact that he spent the best years of his life helping other people, never getting to live for himself really shows how ridiculously tragic his story is. He really is like the sun. Up until its last moments it’s going to be shining down on the earth, but when it eventually implodes in on itself and it has nothing left to give, no one can quite reach it. And that’s awful.
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xdbug-bob · 4 months ago
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Gone with the wind | the gang, being Gallant and Southern Masculinity
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Made a meta a while ago combining a few themes within the novel to Great Expectations, a novel Pony mentions reading for school. So I’ve decided to read Gone with the Wind too.
This meta is somewhat easier than Great Expectations as the book outright tells you why it’s important to the story and just what Pony and Johnny take out of it! The traits of “them southern boys” as they find themselves having to uphold similar standards of masculinity. Their gentle traits internal to the outward standard, though with less pressure to some degree due to class.
In the book it mentions ‘riding into battle. Gallant men’ and the movie draws two paragraphs a couple hundred pages apart. One on bodies sprawled in the sun during the siege of Atlanta(?) and then ‘those who refused to recognize defeat who road into sure disaster because they were Galant.’
Southern honor:
A sense of self tied to perception and status, often tied to adherence to tradition and independence.
It is an incredibly interesting historic concept which was delved into a lot in a class I took on the Old South, it’s been a semester and I will look through my notes but please forgive this for being a little more rambly then distinct. There’s going to be a loss of nuance here just because this isn’t a full lecture lol. The concept is a duel thing as on one hand, having honor and pride is not inherently bad but it’s the headstrong refusal to accept any other view that leads to self and societal destruction. Something to note is that the particular brand from Gone with the wind and that tends to be talked about the most academically is of the “large planter” variety, a class of people so rich and powerful and few they’d essentially become a aristocratic group of hyper elites. It’s interesting to look into but not the point of this meta, just setting the stage. The novel goes into even the aftermath the old views don’t die, there’s no adapting or accepting- just festering in confusion and hate… to be so headstrong is both remarkable and incredibly stupid. An analogy would be the emperor’s clothes caught fire but he walks around as if he is still clothed. Gone with the Wind is a really fascinating book to be told from the Uber rich perspective, the views of society and war from that class and Homefront perspective and its criticisms. Apparently, the movie is not nearly as analytical and more pretty dress gone how sad, but it’s not what we’re here for.
That’s more me rambling than proper analysis, it may be bare bones without some background but I’m going to tie it together now.
As the type of Southern honor they’d admire while reading is more the base concept of it, they’d relate far more to some conscripted “white trash” than the elite. This honor did defuse a bit across the society, though like any poorer people aren’t subject to half as many social rules and have their own variation but the base remains.
Greasers have their own similar sense of honor.
They’re brash and quick to fight and get angry. They’re defiant. Their duty to protect their own and what’s theirs, to help, fight to maintain appearance in their own little circles. They’re loyal and bound to help each other. They have dignity. They’re tied to anger and masculinity and the confusion of youth. The same goes for being gallant, their loyalty and duty to each other and their bravery shown in a rumble or just facing the day to day struggle with a stone face. Staying cool in the face of it all. That’s tuff. That’s gallant. That’s Greaser honor.
Similar to the concept of southern honor it also depends greatly upon others perception of you than your own, it is putting up a grand tough facade. It is doing everything to protect the image you fought so hard to maintain.
It’s easy to see why Johnny latches onto and recognizes Gallant behavior. They focus more on the tough and cool and strong parts because they do in lives all the time.
Another connection is the loss of innocence, Pony has his life forever altered by the events of the book. Pony can’t go back to who he was when he left the movie house just as Scarlett can’t go back to a Belle who never knew want. The change to his person is not as drastic but it is too a loss of a place in time. When the gang was all together, happy and simple. That too is… Gone with the wind.
Thinking about how Pony would stop and explain civil war stuff to Johnny because he didn’t know much about it, which is so sweet not only reading aloud but explaining. But also thinking about if pony got stuck on some big old words and they just went “I dunno” and moved on.
Also unrelated but I went out of my way to find a blue cover copy because I’m a nerd. Don’t have the second copy from the Hospital giftshop though, it was a hardcover and we never get a good look.
Props to them for getting half way in 4-5 ways this book is like 800+ pages, oh my God. I’m still not completely through (have 100 or so pages) and it’s been months 🫡
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xdbug-bob · 4 months ago
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One sided Markboy is very urgh to me please PLEASE who wants to hear me cook
@poptartcat @pupperminttwist @kalied0skull @living-mites @dr-gl0rbiez
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xdbug-bob · 4 months ago
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Greasers and the socs are not on equal footing. They’re not rival high school cliques whose differences are purely aesthetic. They’re different social classes, different socioeconomic levels. One side is rich, the other side is poor. One side has all the advantages and resources, the other side has negative amounts of both. It makes a difference. It makes the soc violence against the greasers so much more damaging. It’s what makes the soc jumpings of greasers especially cruel.
Both sides can beat each other up, but the effects on a greaser are much more dire. They’re the side that can’t afford the hospital bills if they get too badly injured, or even just new clothes to replace the ones that get torn up.
Both sides can fight each other, but the fights are already unfair when one side is malnourished, or sick from sleeping outside, or just dead tired from trying to work a job and stay in school. If the cops show up, one side is far more likely to get arrested, and even if they all get arrested, only one side can easily afford bail. Only one side is likely to go to jail, and it’s the side where a jail sentence will mean losing a job their family desperately needs, or sabotaging their chances of graduating high school.
For a soc, a bad run in with a greaser is just one bad run in.* For a greaser, one bad run in with a soc can derail their entire life.
*Except Bob obviously, but he’s the anomaly. The stakes are so high for Johnny and Ponyboy because for once a soc suffered a consequence he couldn’t come back from.
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xdbug-bob · 4 months ago
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thinking.
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xdbug-bob · 4 months ago
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"Do you have any books on grief?"
The librarian looks up at Darry and raises her eyebrows. She doesn't have any glasses on, which is a bit disturbing. Librarians should wear glasses.
"I'm afraid you're gonna need to be a bit more specific, hon."
"Well, my brother, his best friend, uh— he died a couple weeks ago. My brother isn't really functioning, he's forgetting everything, and I— I think he's a bit numb. And I don't know how to help him. He's always liked to read, so..."
"Alright." She stands up. "Do you want a guidebook on how to cope with grief, or a novel where the characters have to cope with it so he can feel accompanied?"
Darry stares at her hopelessly.
"I'll show you both, then."
Fifteen minutes later, Darry has three books in his hands: Healing After Loss, The Grief Recovery Handbook, and Guiding Your Child Through Loss.
The librarian — Stacy, she's called — tells him they're easy to get through, but Darry knows he won't actually read them. Even if he had the time, he wouldn't want to.
"Okay, so these are fine for me, but my brother, he really likes fiction? Even poetry sometimes, I think. Is there anything for him, or something he might like to read...?"
"Oh!" Stacy looks up at him, suddenly excited. "He likes poetry? I just got this book a couple weeks ago..."
She starts walking away so quickly Darry struggles to keep up.
"The Words You Kept by Todd Anderson?"
She nods at him. "It's a series of poems that tell a love story from beginning to end. It starts when they meet. The girl dies around halfway through, and a large part of it is the author's musings about grief and death." She pauses for a second. "I cried at the end, but it really gives the story a sort of clean ending. Nothing is clean about grief, of course, but eventually you learn to live with it. Very, very touching, and I recommend it if your brother likes poetry."
Darry takes the book in his hand. Feels its weight.
"Alright. I'll take these four, I think."
"Great." They walk back to her desk. "I'm sorry for your loss, by the way. "
"It's fine. Not your fault."
She nods and takes a seat. "Right. Could you hand me your library card?"
He stares at her blankly.
"Alright. Let's make you a library card."
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xdbug-bob · 5 months ago
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which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?
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xdbug-bob · 5 months ago
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Holy shit
Dps X Scream (1996)
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My first drawing I did of them (ignoring my awful one from 2022)
While I'm a firm believer that in a real Sream AU Meeks and Charlie would be the killers, I've wanted to do this redaw for ages cuz the iconic image is so close to that image of Todd and Neil
I'm might revisted this au but I gotta figure out a plot and story (Ginny is Sidney kinda character though no debate, she would be an iconic final girl)
Alt Ver:
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xdbug-bob · 5 months ago
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I’ve seen posts about Darry longing for the days when Ponyboy used to adore him, but what about the other way around?
Ponyboy, convinced that his eldest-brother-turned-guardian hates him now, longs to go back to a time when Darry actually seemed to like having him around. The days when Darry made Pony feel like his special little buddy.
Darry who used to give Pony piggyback rides, even after Pony was probably too big. “Nah, you’re light as a feather. That’s the advantage of bein a little shrimp.” “Am not!”
Darry who would do donuts in the car because it made Soda and Pony feel just like a roller coaster. It was so much more fun than driving with mom or dad. They never did donuts.
Darry who always made Pony feel so smart and talented and confident; who would help him with his homework and high five him for the right answer, who would play football with him and who was grinning ear to ear the first time Pony beat Darry when they raced each other. “We got us a new star athlete in the family!”
Darry who marveled at Pony’s drawings and asked him for a special sketch every year for his birthday, telling Pony it was his favorite birthday present when Pony felt bad about not having money to buy him anything.
Darry who protected Pony from bullies, who told him that the kids who made fun of him for using big words he learned from books were just jealous cuz he’s smart and they’re dumb.
Darry who comforted Pony after he got scolded by their parents. “Mama don’t mean nothin by it, she’s just worried about you is all.”
Darry who always made Pony feel so safe. He’d crawl into Darry’s lap or his bed when he was little and then not so little and Darry would hold him in those strong arms that felt like an impenetrable fortress where nothing could touch him.
Darry who would always come back from grocery shopping for mom with Pony’s favorite candy, who would ruffle his hair and tickle him and play pranks with him and laugh with him………
And now, Darry acts like he can’t stand the sight of him. Darry used to be so proud of him, and now Pony can’t seem to do anything right. Pony used to see Darry as his protector, and now Darry is the one he’s afraid of, who yells at him with that booming voice like the thunder he used to hide from by burying his head in Darry’s chest.
And the worst part is, Pony doesn’t even know what he’s done wrong. He doesn’t know why Darry’s love for him, Darry’s enjoyment of being his big brother, seemingly died with their parents. He doesn’t know at what point Darry will decide he’s enough of a burden and send him away. Everyone says that’s never gonna happen, but Darry sure acts like he wants to.
Pony doesn’t know why he can’t just hate Darry back, why he can’t seem to make himself stop seeing Darry as his hero when it would be so much easier to cast him as the villain; why he can’t get rid of the feeling that all he wants is for his big brother to love him again.
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xdbug-bob · 5 months ago
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Js thinking abt pony post book,
he cries himself to sleep every night, his face buried in Johnnys jacket
being extremely afraid of fire, the socs know this and prey on him even more for it. Burning him with cigarettes or lighters whenever they can.
There are some days where he just can’t get out of bed, just lying there. Not talking or responding to anyone, eyes blank and hooded.
The gray-green eyes so full of life gone, replaced with emotionless glass orbs. Constantly glazed over, but with what? Tears? Illness? Darry doesn’t know, no one does. At this point, Darry would be happy if Pony’s eyes were just glazed over with the effects of a high, instead of whatever never ending depression bug his brother seems to have caught.
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