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Hey, remember how we have a Tumblr for this show? Anyway…

Xena Warrior Business Episode 17 Is Here!

This week, the inimitable Artlee King-Vasquez joins us as we watch “Warrior… [Wait for it] … Princess,” the episode that introduces the first of many, many mysterious doppelgängers that are going to show up throughout the series. Seriously, by the end of this thing, we’re going to have four Xenas, two Gabrielles, three Joxers, three Karl Urbans, and I’m pretty sure we get a second Callisto in there somewhere – and that’s not counting their reincarnations or interdimensional counterparts! 

This time, it’s Diana, the wide-eyed, naive princess (actual, not warrior) who just happens to look exactly like Lucy Lawless. When she’s targeted for assassination, Xena has to play Human Target and step in as her double, leading us into a discussion of round killing things, the usefulness of crying, and the history of bread and cheese. Don’t miss it! 

Get the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher and please check out our Patreon for show notes, extras, and to help support the show! 

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Xena Warrior Business Episode 8 is live now! 

Good Morning! GOOD Night! A-thens! Make sure you're pronouncing that correctly so that you can wake up the newest episode of Xena Warrior Business! Christa Rodriguez joins Allison and Chris for Xena Season 1, Episode 7: "The Titans," featuring a plot in which Gabrielle's virginity is literally more important than the person the show is named for.  Listen in as we discuss the slow evolution of the characters into what they're meant to be and introduce our readers to the Sensational Character Find of 2017: Crystal Rose of Athens!

Plus, don’t miss our brand new segment, ASMR Business! 

Get the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher and check out our Patreon for show notes, extras, and to help support the show! 

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Xena Warrior Business Episode 6 is live now!

This week, Lucas Brown of The Math Of You joins us as we meet Marcus, yet another figure from Xena’s Troubled Past, and find out why he’s involved in a plot to kill two rich kids who sit around plotting to tell their grandchildren about all the sex they had. No, seriously: that is the actual plot of this episode. 

Plus, the Dan Scrolls return as we learn all about Mezentius and all of the genuinely terrifying stuff he did, none of which actually made it into the show. Oh well! 

Get the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher and check out our Patreon for show notes, extras, and to help support the show! 

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The Dan Scrolls (for Episode 05 of XWB, Season 1.4 of XWP) by Dan Cassino

There are a couple of interesting things about this episode from a mythological standpoint, and what amounts to some very clever work with Pandora, reinforcing my notion that this show is way smarter than it gets clever for.

The main point of interest is the setting of the episode: when it picks up, our heroines are by a riverbank outside of Lerna. The waters of Lerna are famous: according to legend, the region didn’t have any waters until Poseidon rescued a princess (Amymone) from being raped by a satyr. In what was apparently an effort to woo her, he created the springs, which apparently worked, as she bore him a son, the hero Naupilus (not the one who was involved in the Trojan War).

The mystical origins of the waters of Lerna led to all sorts of shenanigans. The waters were reputed to be so deep that no one could reach the bottom. It was so deep, in fact, that there was a portal to the underworld at the bottom. Of course, no portal to the underworld is unguarded, and this one was guarded by the Lernaen Hydra (of “cut one head off and two grow in its place” fame) that was eventually killed by Hercules (though I don’t know if Herc already killed it in his show).

To appease the Hydra, so it wouldn’t come and kill the locals, Autolycos’ twin half-brother (I know) started a cult dedicated to protecting the gate, generally by making sacrifices to the hydra, which consisted of sending livestock into the lake, where they could sink to the bottom and be consumed by the monster. Which means that they had an opportunity for an in continuity Bruce Campbell double role, and they missed it, which is unforgivable. There were also, apparently, more sinister activities being carried out by the cult as sacrifices to Dionysus, who was thought to have descended to Hades through the Lernaen gate. Among these was thought to be human sacrifice.

It may seem weird that there’s a medieval style castle in the middle of the Peloponnese, but that’s actually on point. Lerna was the site of one of the most impressive fortresses of antiquity, called “The House of Tiles.” Dating from the 23 rd Century BCE (early bronze age) it had multiple floors, staircases, and, critically, a terra-cotta tile roof: something that didn’t become common in Greek architecture until 1600 years later. This would have made it resistant to being set on fire, which was one of the major ways you took down enemy fortifications in bronze age warfare.

I would suggest that the ur-plot for this episode consists of King Gregor’s advisor being part of the Lernean mystery cult, and secretly trying to sacrifice the baby to the monster in the lake and/or Dionysus. Doing so would guarantee the safety of the community for a time; it would also be something that he would need to keep from the ruler, who wouldn’t have been part of the cult. A failure to sacrifice the child would have meant disaster for the community, and a very nice moral dilemma for our heroines, which is basically the same one they wind up dealing with.

So, what’s Pandora doing in there? Well, because of its connection with the Hydra, Dionysus and the underworld, Lerna was often referred to as a major source of evil in the world (“Lerna Malorum Omnium”). Given that Pandora was responsible for releasing evil into the world, and did so from the underworld (her name means “she who sends up gifts,” with the “up” implying a chthonic connection) it’s actually super-clever that they would situate her at Lerna, a known site of evil emanations.

It’s also clever to pair Pandora with a baby. It’s common to think of Pandora as being the woman who released evil into the world, but the myth is actually way more problematic than that. Before Pandora, all people were men, and they lived forever, and they ate fruit all the time. Then Hephaestus made Pandora, and she opened her jar, and released all of the evils – including mortality and child birth – into the world. Since then, people have lived and reproduced and died, and had to eat things other than fruit. She’s an Eve figure, responsible for the existence of all babies and children.

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Xena Warrior Business Episode 5 is live now! 

This week, special guest Elisabeth Dubois joins us to talk about Cradle of Hope, an episode that is shockingly not about the baby Gabrielle's going to have with a Lovecraftian Elder God in season 3. Uh, spoiler warning, I guess? Instead, we get a halfassed take on the Secret Origin of Moses, with Pandora and her box thrown in for good measure.

Plus, we debut a new segment: The Dan Scrolls, in which former guest Dan Cassino tells us all about the actual history and mythology that Xena brushes up against, none of which actually appears in the episode.

Get the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher and check out our Patreon for show notes, extras, and to help support the show!

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Xena Warrior Business Episode 4 is live now! 

Join us as we watch the nearly incomprehensible “Dreamworker” with Dan Cassino, who shares his extensive knowledge of Greek mythology and tries to make the case that the first season of Xena is actually a lot smarter than we’ve been giving it credit for. Then again, he confuses Perdicas with Pandarus, so can he really be trusted? Answer: Yes, and it’s probably our fault for continually calling Perdicas “Greg.” Listen in for all that, plus DangerousBreasts.wav!  

Get the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher and check out our Patreon for show notes and extras! 

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a wee little preview for Tuesday’s upcoming episode, in which gabrielle was born with 6 toes on one foot, jordan d. white was right all along, and allison can’t fucking stop talking about yuri on ice.

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shout out to everyone not listening to me and Chris Sims’ Xena Warrior Business podcast, you guys are missing out. get in on this, my friends!

Xena Warrior Business Episode 3 Is Live Now! 

Join Chris, Allison, and our special guest Erin Hunter ( @peachkinn ) as we talk about the extremely boring and disturbingly heterosexual events of Season 1, Episode 2: Chariots of War! Be aware: said chariots appear for about two minutes of the show’s total running time. Listen in as we ditch our sidekicks, head to the Yellow Pacifist Village, and try to solve the mystery of what exactly happened when the shit went down in Troy. What could it be? 

Get the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher and check out our Patreon for show notes and extras! 

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Xena Warrior Business Episode 3 Is Live Now! 

Join Chris, Allison, and our special guest Erin Hunter ( @peachkinn ) as we talk about the extremely boring and disturbingly heterosexual events of Season 1, Episode 2: Chariots of War! Be aware: said chariots appear for about two minutes of the show’s total running time. Listen in as we ditch our sidekicks, head to the Yellow Pacifist Village, and try to solve the mystery of what exactly happened when the shit went down in Troy. What could it be? 

Get the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher and check out our Patreon for show notes and extras! 

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Xena Warrior Business Episode 2 Is Live Now! 

It’s a Solstice Miracle as we skip ahead to Season 2, Episode 9 for “A Solstice Carol,” which isn’t just a holiday special – it’s three holiday specials happening all at once. Listen in as Chris and Allison are joined by special guest Tana Ford to talk about the story of miserly king Sylvas and his toy-making accountant, Santa Cl– uh, I mean, Senticles. Plus, Chris literally explains the story of the birth of Jesus to Allison. That is not a joke. And neither is that glowing baby.

 Download it on iTunes now, and if you like the show, consider supporting us on Patreon! 

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Xena: Warrior Business Episode 1 Is Live Now!

After getting through her appearances on Hercules, Chris and Allison have finally arrived at the very first episode of Xena: Warrior Princess! Listen in as we’re joined by special guest @jordandwhite to talk about the barely-subtextual text of Gabrielle, the controversy surrounding Argo’s first appearance, and why the show should actually be called Xena: Tavern Heiress. 

Download it on iTunes now, and if you like the show, consider supporting us on Patreon! 

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Episode 0: You’re My Favorite Warrior Princess!

Chris and Allison begin their odyssey back to a time of ancient gods, warlords and kings, when a land in turmoil cried out for a hero -- but before we get to all that, we’ve got to get through the three episodes of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys that introduced us to our favorite Warrior Princess. Listen in as we go through Netflix histories, crush on Callisto, and start in on a mighty podcast forged in the heat of battle!