xiane

[xiane]

The Magic Between Us: Camlin

This post is part of The Magic Between Us series, an exploration and analysis of characters in the Stories of the Eleriannan series. When we first meet Camlin Grimshaw, he is revealed as the villain of In Sleep You Know, the shadowy leader of an aggressive faction of Fae that have named themselves after him. He and his followers have a deep, burning anger that comes from many years of isolation…

[xiane]

The Magic Between Us: Emmaline

This post is part of The Magic Between Us series, an exploration and analysis of characters in the Stories of the Eleriannan series. Emmaline Waters is one of the characters we’re introduced to in Cast a Shadow of Doubt, and she’ll also be the main focal character in my upcoming, as-yet-unnamed Eleriannan novel. When we meet Emmaline, she is a talented writer for a local magazine, but she’s…

[xiane]

The Magic Between Us - An Exploration

It’s been a while since I talked about my characters, right? I’ve been focusing on writing, and talking about writing/being an author, but there’s always a part of my mind that’s doing deep delves into what makes up my characters and how they reflect the larger world around me. So I decided that June might be a good time to share some of those explorations with you, dear readers. If there’s one…

[xiane]

Where to Find Xiane This Summer [2025]

Dear Friends and Faebies, the summer event season has begun! That means that your intrepid author and general goofball-around-town Xiane [that’s-a me!] will be appearing in many places, sometimes with a hopefully bon mot–or at least a passably mediocre one–and at other times with an armful of books that I’ll be shamelessly shilling. Summer is always the busiest season for me when it comes to…

[xiane]

Come see me at Balticon 59!

It’s that time again! I’ve got my schedule, my books, some snacks and a notebook, and I’m ready for Balticon, happening this weekend at the Renaissance Harborplace Hotel at the Inner Harbor, downtown Baltimore. This is both my home con and my favorite con, and there’s so much happening there that anyone could have a good time. It’s especially great for writers, as there’s a fantastic literary…

[xiane]

March 2025 - This anti-Tesla graffiti in Baltimore was recently updated to the second image. I'm glad the little guys succeeded in their hunt :3 [link]

[xiane]

Trials and Success and Saving Each Other

So last night, I had a bit of a breakdown. To be honest, it’s been coming. The weight of so many things have been pushing down on me [on many of us, probably everyone reading this] and my brain went through a cycle of Bad and/or Difficult Thoughts, in rapid succession: I started publishing my writing later in life, and I feel time ticking away The world’s got bigger things on its mind than…

[xiane]

Join Strong Women - Strange Worlds for a FREE QuickRead

Friends! It’s time for QuickReads again! Find your next favorite read at the First Friday Strong Women – Strange Worlds QuickReads “book tasting” of science fiction, fantasy, and horror stories by women and non-binary writers – 6 authors, 8 minutes each. It’s fast, it’s furious, and it’s amazing! Plus, there will be prizes/giveaways! And you don’t even have to leave the house! Authors reading:…

[xiane]

Life during darker times; a call to action

Good morning, friends. I sit here on the couch, cozy under a rainbow crocheted blanket with my early morning [well, early for me] tea–Earl Grey, hot–and my daily reminder of spring allergies thanks to early morning congestion, and I think about the State of Things. This blog isn’t usually where I talk about the State of Things. I save that for Ko-fi or my Bluesky account, or I vent with…

[xiane]

The next Third Thursday Strong Women - Strange Worlds QuickRead is coming on March 20th!

Book lovers! Find your next favorite read at this “book tasting” of science fiction, fantasy, and horror stories by women and non-binary writers – 6 authors, 8 minutes each. It’s fast, it’s furious, and it’s amazing! Plus, there will be prizes/giveaways! And you don’t even have to leave the house!https://www.eventbrite.com/o/strong-women-strange-worlds-33460611105

[xiane]

[xiane]

every shitty book now is called something like a court of shit and fuck or something equally stupid. books used to be called frindle and we liked it. we liked it

[xiane]

Numbers Games - Do They Matter?

I love stats. Numbers about my author business are my jam. For someone who struggled with math in my early years, it might seem strange to say that I love seeing my numbers laid out, but for me it’s all about progress–and seeing in a concrete way what’s working and not for me in my writing career. Having the ability to look over trends with sales and what I did to increase them [if anything!]…

[xiane]

a distant vision.

twitter | ko-fi

[xiane]

All of this has happened before. And it is happening again.

[xiane]

Write What You Know, They Say

“Write what you know,” they say, as if everything doesn’t affect everything else, as if the world isn’t inextricably entwined. “Write what you know” can mean “concentrate on the subjects with which you’re most familiar” and that’s a decent jumping-off place as a new writer, but awfully limiting, don’t you think? The job of being a writer can encompass a lot of things. For me, it’s about…

[xiane]

I want to step away from the art-vs-artist side of the Gaiman issue for a bit, and talk about, well, the rest of it. Because those emotions you're feeling would be the same without the art; the art just adds another layer.

Source: I worked with a guy who turned out to be heavily involved in an international, multi-state sex-slavery/trafficking ring.

He was really nice.

Yeah.

It hits like a dumptruck of shit. You don't feel stable in your world anymore. How could someone you interacted with, liked, also be a truly horrible person? How could your judgement be that bad? How can real people, not stylized cartoon bogeymen, be actually doing this shit?

You have to sit with the fact that you couldn't, or probably couldn't, have known. You should have no guilt as part of this horror — but guilt is almost certainly part of that mess you're feeling, because our brains do this associative thing, and somehow "I liked [the version of] the guy [that I knew]", or his creations, becomes "I made a horrible mistake and should feel guilty."

You didn't, loves, you didn't.

We're human, and we can only go by the information we have. And the information we have is only the smallest glimpse into someone else's life.

I didn't work closely with the guy I knew at work, but we chatted. He wasn't just nice; he was one of the only people outside my tiny department who seemed genuinely nice in a workplace that was rapidly becoming incredibly toxic. He loaned me a bike trainer. Occasionally he'd see me at the bus stop and give me a lift home.

Yup. I was a young woman in my twenties and rode in this guy's car. More than once.

When I tell this story that part usually makes people gasp. "You must feel so scared about what could have happened to you!" "You're so lucky nothing happened!"

No, that's not how it worked. I was never in danger. This guy targeted Korean women with little-to-no English who were coerced and powerless. A white, fluent, US citizen coworker wasn't a potential victim. I got to be a person, not prey.

Y'know that little warning bell that goes off, when you're around someone who might be a danger to you? That animal sense that says "Something is off here, watch out"?

Yeah, that doesn't ping if the preferred prey isn't around.

That's what rattled me the most about this. I liked to think of myself as willing to stand up for people with less power than me. I worked with Japanese exchange students in college and put myself bodily between them and creeps, and I sure as hell got that little alarm when some asian-schoolgirl fetishist schmoozed on them. But we were all there.

I had to learn that the alarm won't go off when the hunter isn't hunting. That it's not the solid indicator I might've thought it was. That sometimes this is what the privilege of not being prey does; it completely masks your ability to detect the horrors that are going on.

A lot of people point out that 'people like that' have amazing charisma and ability to lie and manipulate, and that's true. Anyone who's gotten away with this shit for decades is going to be way smoother than the pathetic little hangers-on I dealt with in university. But it's not just that. I seriously, deeply believe that he saw me as a person, and he did not extend personhood to his victims. We didn't have a fake coworker relationship. We had a real one. And just like I don't know the ins-and-outs of most of my coworkers lives, I had no idea that what he did on his down time was perpetrate horrors.

I know this is getting off the topic, but it's so very important. Especially as a message to cis guys: please understand that you won't recognize a creep the way you might think you will. If you're not the preferred prey, the hind-brain alarm won't go off. You have to listen to victims, not your gut feeling that the person seems perfectly nice and normal. It doesn't mean there's never a false accusation, but face the fact that it's usually real, and you don't have enough information to say otherwise.

So, yeah. It fucking sucks. Writing about this twists my insides into tense knots, and it was almost a decade ago. I was never in danger. No one I knew was hurt!

Just countless, powerless women, horrifically abused by someone who was nice to me.

You don't trust your own judgement quite the same way, after. And as utterly shitty as it is, as twisted up and unstead-in-the-world as I felt the day I found out — I don't actually think that's a bad thing.

I think we all need to question our own judgement. It makes us better people.

I don't see villains around every corner just because I knew one, once. But I do own the fact that I can't know, really know, about anyone except those closest to me. They have their own full lives. They'll go from the pinnacles of kindness to the depths of depravity — and I won't know.

It's not a failing. It's just being human. Something to remember before you slap labels on people, before you condemn them or idolize them. Think about how much you can't know, and how flawed our judgement always is.

Grieve for victims, and the feeling of betrayal. But maybe let yourself off the hook, and be a bit slower to skewer others on it.