xnikolai

[xnikolai]

I have never needed help in the way that most do. But I long to know the comfort of being protected. I have always been the sword and shield for others— what does it feel like to be made of flesh?

[xnikolai]

I feel like I’m drowning, but I’ve learned how to breathe underwater.

[xnikolai]

It’s not signal boosting if you have no followers to see it. What a waste.

[xnikolai]

If I disappeared, what would be your true worry? Loss of love or loss of money? Both seem so easy to replace.

[xnikolai]

Sometimes I think I must be the most undesirable person on earth. My face is broken out, my nose looks like a beak, my roots are grown out and my dye job is uneven. I’m muscular, but not thin enough to look it— just a soft thick boy who has tiny hands and feet. My ass is flat and my hips are wide, my teeth aren’t perfectly white and some look out of place despite what braces did for me. I’m a year and a half on T, pre-op with saggy little chest lumps. You can’t see my hip bones unless I’m laying down and my waist is too small for the body I need. I live with a partner who is my idea of physical perfection and I know he loves me and thinks I’m attractive.I know I’m not ugly but I’ll be damned if anyone will ever really want me physically. I have nothing to offer...