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RANKINGS

As promised, the April rankings. Enjoy! 

CONSTANCE

 Quinn Fabray

Jane Hayward 

Madison McCarthy

Brittany Pierce 

Mercedes Jones

Sugar Motta

Kitty Wilde

Tina Cohen-Chang

Marley Rose 

Rachel Berry

Santana Lopez

Dani Ramos 

St. JUDE’S

Sebastian Smythe

Jesse St. James

Finn Hudson

Mason McCarthy

Kurt Hummel

Blaine Anderson

Ryder Lynn

Spencer Porter

Mike Chang

Sam Evans

Noah Puckerman

Jake Puckerman

[xoxogossipgleek]

There's nothing exciting about a couple who stays together 'no matter what'. This isn't a fairy tale. This is real life.

While it’s just a matter of time before F.H. and K.W. are back to “loves me not” status again, this back and forth is getting exhausting.

But if you must be the prince and princess of yore, at least do something worth reporting on. No one likes an “it couple” who hides away all the time ... even if K.W. is used to that kind of thing.

xoxo

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mm2 "getting away" for a little while? sounds familiar. literally hasnt this happened in his family already?

Spontaneous “getaways” are more common than you’d think, and they’re almost never just vacations. Just ask JH and BA, who -- in addition to MM1, of course -- could easily tell you a thing or two about “retreats.” 

xoxo 

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It's a shock why the girls that are top ranking are even there. It's not like they do anything.

The usual mid-month rank shakeup’s already going to be a doozy, thanks to S.L. and her ill-advised “nugget,” but lucky for you, you’ve got a couple more days to work your way up or stumble and fall. Get out there and give it all you’ve got! 

xoxo

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too bad madison mccarthy cant be a debutante this year because she already came out lol

You can’t even make this joke about her girlfriend, either, since she wouldn’t even be on the list even if she were a senior.

xoxo

[xoxogossipgleek]

I heard that Finn Hudson is going to be Rachel Berry's escort for Cotillion since his actual girlfriend is a junior and he's definitely not going with Quinn Fabray.

Of all the eligible debutantes-to-be in the UES, why F.H. would choose to escort a washed-up child star like R.B. is incomprehensible -- unless it’s just another way to assure K.W. that she “doesn’t have anything to worry about,” when obviously that worked so well last time. 

Of course, the wannabe starlet would have no problem just adding another notch in the captain’s lacrosse stick, since she’s just after the attention anyway. Snooze. 

xoxo

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Heard there was a fire in Brooklyn.

News to us! Then again, we don’t necessarily keep abreast of the events out in the boroughs unless they’re related to someone we actually care about. 

If any sources can tell us if this is a fire that matters, send us a tip. 

xoxo

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APRIL 6, 2016

I hope you didn’t think that Monday’s blast was all we had for you, UES! Our treasure trove of secrets has so much more in it than just those paltry tidbits. 

Being a twin must be hard work, since both M.M.1 and M.M.2 have been reported as attending therapy sessions. Why not just let it out, kids? Where’s the shame in admitting that you have a problem? 

And that’s not all that runs in the family... but I suppose when you just can’t help yourself it doesn’t matter where or who you get it from, does it, #2? We had no idea that you knew so many “upstanding” older gentlemen around the city. 

Another thing that’s hard work? Being almost, but not quite Queen. It’s just enough to drive Q.F. to drink, with confirmation that she was Accidental Palm Tree Emoji Wasted at Nova’s opening ... and cites vodka shots as her own personal therapy of choice. Trying to escape your past, Q, or just making sure your vision’s so blurry you can’t see your own reflection? 

And in other news, we know that D.R. isn’t known for hanging around the classiest parts of the city, but we’re pretty sure that this wannabe rockstar works in a music store -- not as a late-night bike messenger. And besides, don’t couriers usually get tips? We’re still debating if she’s even worth following, but for now we’re gonna keep our eyes peeled. 

xoxo

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Spotted: S.L. visiting hotel room with multiple men.

We already knew that S.L. was easy, but we have to wonder what she’s doing with “multiple men” -- it’s not like she can get any more pregnant. Maybe collecting DNA for paternity tests?  

xoxo

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So MM1 and KW are going down on each other? Nice. #JBIFantasies #IfOnlyICouldGetABerryInThereWithThem

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BREAKING: One man’s loss is our gain, here at GG, and have we got some juicy stories for you! We’ve gotten our hands on a major source of information and we’ll be parceling it out over the next couple of days in order to keep you wanting more~ 

First we have a blind item that one of our favorite power couples is actually a complete sham. Fake relationships aren’t new to to the UES, of course -- couples use each other for sex or status all the time -- but we never thought that this upstanding citizen and prime candidate for UES royalty would willingly enter into such a scheme. Then again, what other reason would he have for actually dating trash from across the river? It’s not like he’d actually have feelings for her -- especially since she’s little more than a glorified call girl. We have to wonder if he’s paying for the pleasure of her company, like so many of her other clients. Besides, who would want to sully themselves with that? 

None other than M.M.1, of course, who is -- we have the receipts -- a confirmed lesbian. 

Our second blind item includes a bouncing bundle of joy from someone other than S.L. -- made all the more exciting because this one’s already been born. Now, dear readers, we’ll ask you to do some math here, but I’m sure if you look at the various vacationers last summer, you’ll be able to put everything together. Our only question is who daddy is -- but maybe once we get some results from our erstwhile queen, we’ll have another answer ready to post. Sisterhood is so important, isn’t it? 

xoxo

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spotted: wannabe queen quinn and could be queen kitty's leftovers all over each other

Maybe NP just likes blondes and QF’s desperate for any sort of attention, no matter how unhealthy or dangerous it could be. Maybe they’re using each other as rebounds from KW and FH. Either way, I don’t think we have to worry about anyone usurping the spotlight from UES’ powercouple: nothing but time will tear them apart, it seems, but maybe that’s what NP is waiting for: he’s got nothing but time, after all...

xoxo

[xoxogossipgleek]

JH for Queen! I'm here for the new royalty. May her rule be as gorgeous as she is.

Look at this, our new Queen’s already got her very own groupies. As smooth as your ascension was, be careful, JH--is it better to rule through love or fear? I hope for your sake that SL didn’t let her maternal instincts lead her astray; KW’s claws are sharper, and QF’s dance is a little neater. Better watch your back, because for every adoring fan there’s somewhere ready to take your place.

xoxo

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"Queens have something in common"? racist

This isn’t the first comment suggesting that I just might have a truly unsavory hidden agenda, but let me be the first to assure you that among all the agendas that my little eyes and tiny ears do in fact have, this one wouldn’t even make the list. 

And if that’s the first thing you see when you look at Constance’s line, we might suggest that you’re the racist, little anonymouse. There’s far more tying these Queens together than just what’s on the surface; we might even say it’s actually something that starts deep inside ... and we don’t mean the heart. 

xoxo

[xoxogossipgleek]

BREAKING: 

S.L. has made a two-fold announcement at the opening of the brand new club Nova. First, her successor is -- to some surprise -- J.H., but Queens do need to take after one another, so maybe K.W. was always out of the running. 

The better news? S.L.’s reason for abdicating early: a good old-fashioned teen pregnancy. Been a while since we’ve had one of those, hasn’t it? 

Other than that, it looks like M.M.2′s pet project hasn’t exploded after all. We’re almost disappointed here at GG, but it looks like that trip to the hospital just might be worth it after all. The question is: how can you impress Daddy Dearest when he hasn’t bothered to show? Looks like he doesn’t care as much as you think, M. 

xoxo

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Looks like someone was a little busy before practice. Two blondes in one day? Let’s hope he has this much game on the field.

Thanks, anon! We always love a good photo here at GG.

xoxo

[xoxogossipgleek]

Oh, S.L., are you sure you should be drinking tonight? What with your huge announcement tomorrow, and all. 

xoxo