xramyeonz

[xramyeonz]

CRUSH - lhs part 2

Pairing: Lee Heeseung x freader

Synopsis: you never even had a crush before but when you try to cover up for your friend, you end up trapped being seen as a crazy girl who has a crush on Heeseung, your brother’s bestfriend.

Word count whole thing: ???

Word count part 2: 11k

Warnings: embarrassing situation, yn is gaslighting herself, you’ll throw up at the pet names, fluff, fake angst, kissing, mention of other idols, they drink alcohol at some point, cheesy stuff and cringe nicknames

n/a: still unsecure about how it comes out but I post it anyway, hoping you'll like it. last part might take a bit longer to get uploaded since I didn't proofread it yet, sorry.

part1 part2 part3

You shoot a glance at Heeseung, he was definitely more relaxed, his grip on the wheel was lighter and even his facial traits seemed softer. And you nodded, because finally he was totally fine having you near him, like the world was finally healing.

You could walk beside each other without thinking about the Twitter account, got to talk and laugh about which beers you should get and why Heineken was a total no for him because it tasted like dirty socks.

You ended up sat on a bench holding a beer near an empty children playground. You stare at the stars, not believeing that you're finally having a normal interaction with Heeseung. You talk a lot, asking what the other has been up to because you didn't have a proper discussion with him for a while since his family moved out of your hometown, because of it you never crossed path while going home. You also never bothered to show up when your brother told you he and Heeseung were hanging out, either you were busy or you thought it would be awkward to have to face Heeseung when you were avoiding the man like the plague on campus.

Heeseung asked about you avoiding him, hinting that he thought you avoided him because of your crush on him. Hearing it you almost jumped out of the bench screaming, you had to swear on everything, even on your dead fish called "meat" that it wasn't the case before he eventually let you explain everything.

He was listening very carefully, looking surprised when you told him about the time you almost got bullied for not dropping his address to the girls at school. Like the gentleman he is he excused himself before telling you how relieved he was, with his eyes set on the swing in front of you he told you how when you ignored him he thought you hated him.

You felt bad for it, because with the words he used and the way he said it, you felt that maybe it was a bit too much.

Let's say that this night you talked a lot, even with the beers empty and the sun slowly rising, you were still sat together giggling at each other's anecdotes that the other missed. You had a long session of laughing at your brother and reminding each other of the old times before you finally decided to go home.

Heeseung walked you in front of your appartment, you exchanged numbers (you changed after you broke your phone during your birthday party when you turned 18), laughed at Heeseung because he still texted your former number to wish you a happy birthday, and finally waved at him as he was walking back to his car.

After this night you waved back at him around campus, had small talk when you crossed path on campus and even texted each other sometimes -tho it was mostly to send each other funny videos saying it was your brother-.

You had a full scolding session with Sunoo and Kazuha, from them at first because you didn't tell them what was happening that night, but after they were done you became the one doing the scolding, it was the last time they did something as dumb as forcing you to go out on a date with a man they choosed on a dating app.

The following days also had been surprising because you realised out of this whole mess you also got new friends. It started with Jake, he was always waving his eyebrows at you while you were talking to Heeseung as if to remember you what he said. But not only was he doing that, he began to hang out with you, Kazuha, and Sunoo when he had free time. Him and Sunoo knew each other since Jake was Sunoo's senior, that's how you learned that they in fact were getting along well but you just never paid attention to it before.

Jake was a fun and nice person, he even introduced you to his friend Sunghoon (the other that was present that time when you got humiliated at work). Sunghoon and you happened to share classes of mandartory option and since neither him nor you knew anybody taking those classes you ended up sticking together.

Compared to Jake, Sunghoon was more silent, but  it didn't make him less interesting, he was slow to open up but after a bit he was slowly showing his chaotic side, the one that made it obvious that he was friend with Jake and Heeseung.

Getting to know them you realised that Heeseung had good taste in term of friends, you had doubted them before since he was friend with your brother but his new friends weren't that bad.

It's after Heeseung heard you and Sunghoon talking about a group project that he proposed to have group studying session, you, your friends and his. The idea was good, you feared that Kazuha might be against the idea out of embarasment but when you asked if she wanted to be part of it she wasn't embarassed at all, just glad that she'll have other persons to talk to. That way your friend groups slowly began to merge.

What began with a studying group was slowly rowing into a more chaotic friend group, each session ended in laughter, debates or making plans.

"No Y/N focus back! We can't end the presentation that way!" groaned Sunghoon, pulling you back on your chair.

You were still laughing at the poor impression of Jake that Kazuha just did when your butt landed back on the chair. Giggles were still audible and you swore you heard Sunoo saying the worst "naur" on earth before they all laughed harder.

But Sunghoon was right, you had to lock in. The project wasn't that hard, that's why you both wanted to give everything you could give in order to get the best grade possible. However the subject given to you by your professor was one of the most boring you ever had to work on, you could make it more appealing with your presentation, but it didn't erase the fact that everything was more interesting that the work itself.

You were stuck, not capable to pinpoint the problem with the text for the 14th slide of the presentation, your brains were out of it. No matter how close to the screen of your laptop both your heads were, enetring the screen would not give you the answer you needed.

"Need help?"

Heeseung grabed Sunghoon's arm that was standing on the backrest of your chair before kneeling between you, looking at the screen.

"You're an ass at it I don't think you'll be able to help." Joked Sunghoon while stretching out.

Heeseung frowned, visibly offended by his friend's words. "I'm good at everything."

"You're such a liar remember that time you got humbled by Beomgyu at arm wrestling?" You retorted, as you remembered the souvenir from maybe 7 years ago. After he won your brother didn't let Heeseung breath without reminding him that he won, it went on for probably two months. It was funny.

Heeseung gasped, snapping his head toward you with a chocked face, his lips slowly parted, brows up and eyes of a deer. He looked honestly cute.

You heard Sunghoon laugh at your remark and Heeseung's reaction, if there was something that Heeseung's friends liked, it was the moment where you told them a story about something that happened during your childhood, better if it could embarass Heeseung.

Slowly he got up, pursing his lips with a last glance in your direction.

"But Hee if you want to be helpful you can go and get me something to drink please." You said with an angelic smile, reaching for your bag to get some coins so he could pay.

He scoffed, not believing how you were asking for things after you humiliated him in front of his friend. "Strawberry flavored water?" He asked.

You nodded, handing him the money but he refused, mumbling that buying one bottle wouldn't kill him.

"Can you get water for me too?" Asked Sunghoon as Heeseung was walking toward the door.

He paused near the door, turning to face his friend with an unbothered face. "Do you have money to pay for it?"

"You're paying for Y/N"

His eyes met yours, a slight feeling of a flush heating his cheeks. There it was the moment where he remembered that he has to put some distance between you. Understandable, but hurtful.

You see it often now, you can pin point everytime where he refrains himself from calling you baby love or another cheesy nickname that he used to call you by. Even tho both of you firmly try to think that way, you're not exactly back to how your relationship was before everything. You're somewhere between a friendship you're holding to hopelessly, afraid that it'll go for good, and something else. Something that makes your hands sweat and your eyes stick on each other's a second more.

You feel normal with him by your side because you're used to it but at the same time his presence is just too noticeable, it's like you're way too aware of each other's every move without even wanting to.

After his exchanging glances for what seemed to be an eternity to your brain, Heeseung glared at his friend that was still hoping to get a water bottle. "I'm buying her sympathy so she wont leak things from my past anymore..." You hear a snort coming from Jake, audibly realy quiet but awfully loud to your mind. But you shouldn't pay that much attention to it.

"You have nothing against me so either you pay or you thirst for the next hour, up to you." Sunghoon ended up giving up on his water bottle not forgetting to call him stingy. Seeing his disappointment you told him that you'll share your water with him but he refused, assuring that if Heeseung saw him drinking from your bottle he'll probably make him pay for each mouthfull.

"Hey guys, what do we think about Y/N and Heeseung?"

With the way your head snapped toward the aussie boy you could've hurt yourself, until now he had been quiet about what he said during the party. Not toward you of course but around your friends he never said anything about it. Until now.

All their head turned toward you, all their eyebrows frowned as if to show how confused they were, and it was just more obvious when Sunoo let out the loudest "Huh?" you've ever heard.

"Well they're cool?" retorted Kazuha, eyes switching between you and jake, not sure if she missed something.

"Yeah we all know he has a soft spot for Y/N since they've been friends for a while." Added Sunghoon, hand standing still on the laptop in front of him.

"No but as a ship?" Jake finally said, searching for anyone to agree with him.

"Stop it Jake." you immediately said, you just got yourself magically out of an igonizingly awkward situation with Heeseung, you'd be a fool to let Jake put you in the same shit once again.

Maybe you hoped to hear your friends scream that he was crazy, that he was imagining things but they didn't. Instead they all seemed to process the information, and even consider it. Sunoo and Kazuha exchanged that look that you knew too well and by your side Sunghoon stared at you with his hand locked on his chin.

"I would rather marry Sunghoon." You blurted out in despair, hoping that they'll stop whatever has been happening inside their head because there was no way for it to happen elsewhere than in their imaginations.

The boy by your side jumped when he heard his name, opening his mouth in an offended way. "Leave me alone after this project we're never talking again!"

Everybody laughed, the attention finally drifting from the idea of you and Heeseung to Sunghoon's face and the way he tried to get you away from him while you teased him, trying to take you in your arms.

"Come on my sweet Hoonie."

That's the exact moment when Heeseung opened the door, seeing Sunghoon pushing you away with a hand on your face while you made kissing soundss to embarass him even more.

No you're not attracted to Sunghoon, and you don't see him that way, you're litteraly just joking. Yes, Sunghoon is a beautiful man and he has a lot of qualities but no, you would never see him in a romantic way.

"Did I miss something?" Said Heeseung, looking at you with a concerned face while he got closer to you to give you the bottle you asked for (as well with Sunghoon's water).

"Y/N would rather marry Sunghoon than you." Answered Jake, a sly smirk barely hidden on his face.

Heeseung's face turned toward you, his eyes trying to read through yours for an instant while your hands were still on sunghoon's sleeves. His eyes quickly drifted to Sunghoon and came back right away to you. "You would?" He asked, rising an eyebrow.

"Yeah." You shrugged, totaly ignoring how your heartbeats got faster.

"Cool..." He pouted, sitting back on his chair, opening his laptop as if to continue whatever he was working on before you asked him to get you a drink, then lifting his head to look right at you. "I hope your husband can drive you to your parents' house then."

Beside you, Sunghoon gasped, assuring that his good looks deserved better than you (he got smacked at by Sunoo for that). Of course you laughed it out.

Heeseung and you agreed to go to your parents' house for the free week the university granted to the students, and of course he was the one supposed to drive you there, hence the mention of a drive to your parents' house by Heeseung.

At first he wasn't really part of it, you just wanted to go back home to relax before the exams and that week was the best opportunity for it. You talked about it once during lunch with your friends and Heeseung thought it was such a good idea that he asked if he could join you. His parents moved out of your hometown about three years ago and he never had the time to go there again.

You thought  it would be a good idea for him to join you, your parents often ask about him after all and you know it has been a while since he last saw your brother (about two months which isn't huge but still long ).

Nothing was weird about it, just a trip to your old hometown, he'll sleep at yours like he slept at yours before, in the guest room with the bed sheets your parents reserved for him, he'll eat in front of you, on the spot he was assigned when you were still kids and he will also spend all his time annoying you with your brother like he always did before.

Nothing was weird about it, even the drive to your hometown wasn't weird. Jake told you you'll see that there is something between you and Heeseung during the drive but nothing really happened.

During the three hours long drive you sang along to songs you both liked, talked about college, your friends, your brother, you fell asleep aswell and when you woke up he made fun of your sleepy face. Nothing weird, just a casuall drive between two friends.

That's exactly what you wrote on the "Tea time" group chat when you arrived.

The members of this group chat being you -obviously-, Sunoo, Kazuha, Yunjin, Jake and Sunghoon (he was forced into the group chat by Sunoo who swore you needed at least one sane person in the group chat). Everything began when Jake became your friend, he hanged at your job often, seating at a table with Kazuha while you Sunoo and Yunjin worked.

They joined your daily gossips about the customers (yes they learned the story of sponge bob, Jake even went to see him once to ask him if he bought his new wife). Ever since he became a regular and brought Sunghoon along with him often, he isn't as talkative as Jake but you all know that he loves the gossips and when he says something about whatever the gossip is it's usually hilarious.

The whole team has been chatting for weeks and it's only normal after what happened during the studying session that the subject was brought back on the table, Heeseung and you.

Jake began his propaganda about it, saying that you were meant to be, that the Twitter account was maybe just a joke (because that's what he believes it is), but he swore that inside of you really liked Heeseung.

The first reaction came from Kazuha and Sunoo. Unlike last time they argued that Jake just watched too many romcoms and that he should stop imagining things. They are the only persons who knows the truth it's only normal that they defend you.

If things with Heeseung has been better since you had a discussion with him, the situation on campus isn't as great. People are still talking about your Twitter account and now that they see you often with Heeseung, you heard voices whispering that you finally had a chance with your crush and that you were ridiculous, some girls were glaring at you around everytime you crossed their path because they decided you didn't deserved to be by his side.

The other reactions weren't the same. Sunghoon said that he could picture you and Heeseung together, agreeing with Jake that the Twitter account must hold some of your true feelings even if they were a joke in the first place.

Yunjin believes another story. She thinks that you're behind the Twitter account and maybe you should've told her the true truth because she jumped on the occasion to agree with Jake. For her you really wrote all those mad things about Heeseung.

Yes this is a mess, but everything has been a mess since the begining.

Anyway now you have three people convinced that you and Heeseung can make a good couple and Jake and Yunjin are sure that after this trip in your hometown everything will change, but it doesn't affect you at all, you're not moved even a bit about it. Because you haven't even had one thought about the possibility of it, you never had feelings for anyone, not even a crush, so why would it change now?

You've been knowing Heeseung for more than half your life, you never thought about him that way and it will never change.

That's what you're thinking as you see him in front of you, carrying both yours and his bag to your house. His hair got slightly longer, strands of his dark hair embrassing hi neck beautifully, he wore a hand band the whole ride to keep the hair out of his view and he didn't take it off, even his hairline is great.

"Should I knock?" He asks, turning around toward you. You're a bit taken aback because of your little observation session, you didn't have the time to focus on the way his lazy outfit looks good on him, like who even looks good wearing sweatpants, a white t-shirt and a leather jacket?

Your eyes drifted away immediately, like you were caught red handed doing something bad. You quickly walked to the door, putting your hand on the doorknob. "Why should we knock, we're home."

You entered right after, followed by Heeseung, the familiar scent of home embrassing your whole body with its warmth. The empty living room in front of you hasn't changed since last time you went home. By your side, Heeseung probably thought the same thing and it gave him the most adorable nostagic smile.

"Guess who's back!" You shouted. A second later, both your parents ran in the living room, they came from the kitchen, wearing matching aprons you and your brother bought for them years ago.

The reunion with your parents was sweet. They hugged you, forced Heeseung to join because he was their son too according to them and they asked a ton of things, before scolding you both because you looked way too skinny according to them.

"Where is 'gyu?" You asked looking around, your brother lives closer to your hometown than you so you were surprised to see that he wasn't already there.

"He left too late and had been caught in traffic, classic Beomgyu, I wonder who he got that from..." Said your father, already pointing at your mother with his thumb.

"You're the one always late!" Argued your mother smacking her husband's shoulder, getting a painful whine from him before he began to rant about the abuse he suffer from your mother ever since you moved out. It made you laugh, they never change, they always complains about each other and like to bicker but your parents are so much in love that you could cry about how cute they are.

They are one of the reason you can't get into a relationship because if it's not to fall in love like they are in love, as deeply, as sincerely, then you don't want it.

After they stopped fighting, your parents brought your bags to your respective rooms before dragging you and Heeseung back to the living room where they assaulted you both with questions about your life just to tell you to get ice creams together while they finished cooking dinner since talking to you was distraying them.

You didn't fight to stay, you always loved the ice cream shop in your hometown, they make the best raspberry sorbet so you weren't about to complain at all if it meant you could have it again. That's how you ended up sat at a table there with Heeseung by your side eating your ice creams in silence.

"Can I try yours?" He asked at some point.

You looked at him up and down, Heeseung looked fed up by his own ice cream, it was almost all melted and really looked bad (you told him he shouldn't try the chocolate ice cream with the redbull flavoured one but he didn't listen). You raised one of your eyebrow before shaking your head, if he decided to get the worst ice cream flavour on earth it was his problem, there was no way he could try your raspberry and pinapple delicious sorbet.

He pouted, looking back at the disgusting soup inside the cup in front of him, stiring it, not daring to put the spoon inside his mouth again.

"Here, let's share..." You ended up offering out of pity for him. Immediately his demeanor changed, he became more cheerful and after wiping his dirty spoon he got to taste the heavenly flavour of your sorbet.

"It's a shame Beomgyu is stuck in traffic, he would've made fun of whatever you created with those flavours."

Heeseung snorted a laugh, taking another spoon of your sorbet before shooting  quick glance at you. "You really think he is stuck in traffic?"

"Is he not?" you asked, confused.

"Remember Minjeong from highschool?" He said, wipping the sorbet around his mouth, taking his phone from his pocket just to show you pictures of your brother with the said girl, you remembered vagely that your brother used to have a crush on her but what hit you the hardest was that he lied to spend time with her instead of spending more time with his beautiful, incredibly kind and cute little sister, you.

"Was she one of the girls that harassed you about your brother?" He raised a curious eyebrow, the spoon still inside his mouth.

You hummed, trying to recall correctly the memory of your -traumatic- middle school years. "No but one of her friends was crazy about you. Honestly, I was surprised that you never gave her any attention, she was pretty."

"Who?"

"Jimin, there is no way you don't remember her." You deadpanned, the girl is honestly unforgettable. She has everything for her, good skin, a beautiful figure, long shinny hair, the facial traits of a straight out of a video game girl, even her voice is clear and melodic.

"I do remember her..." he laughed. "She annoyed you?"

"Not really..." You looked up at the ceilling. You traumatics days at school involved her in some ways but she wasn't exactly annoying. "She was all friendly at first and when I decided I was done answering her questions about you she straight up ignored me. One day I was her favourite junior, she was calling me her little sister and the next it was like I never existed."

You were hurt by it, because you hate people that only befriends others just out of interest and she was like that. But back then you really liked her, because every little girl would love to get attention from the prettiest girl in school.

"Not cool." Said Heeseung, his soft eyes layed on you, he was emphathizing, it felt good, even tho he didn't have to since it has been so long since it happened, now you don't really think about it. It just taught you that people can be like that.

"Must've been hard for you..." You were already nodding along because it was hard for you, all this attention and those questions, people being fakely nice just for the sake of getting information. His hand rubbing your hand to comfort you. "Helping all those girls to get your crush..."

You snapped your head toward him, eyebrow joined in an exasperated look that mde him huff a laugh he had to hide behind his other hand.

"Are you deadass right now?" You smacked his hand away from your back. "I shared my sorbet with you, you could be nice in return!"

It's rare for him to mention the twitter account since he hates the idea of you liking him, but sometimes he likes to remind you of it, just like that. Everytime he does you find this glint inside his eyes, it's as if he really enjoyed the situation and each time you struggle to find the right words because of him.

"I am nice, I treated you!"He joked.

"And you ate half the thing!" You squinted your eyes at him, pointing the almost empty cup on the table between the two of you.

Heeseung's smile didn't diminish a bit, he finished the cup in front of your eyes. Nobody talked while he whipped his mouth with one of the tissues given by the store. He got up and tapped your lower back with the back of his hand, urging you to follow him.

"I'll let you choose tonight's movie!" He said while you were getting up.

The movie night was mandatory when the three of you were together, and the movie choice was always the hardest part, everyone wanted a different movie and you almost never got to watch the movie you wanted (the flaws of being the youngest out of the three) so Heeseung promising you that you could choose the movie was a huge thing. Big enough for you to forgive everything he said or did today.

"Deal!" You beamed, walking beside him to get out of the store. "You'll be arguing with gyu when he'll complain about it too!"

"Yes ma'am!" He agreed, opening the door of the passenger side of his car for you to get inside.

You giggled, thinking about what movie you should choose for tonight (but you already knew which one you wanted)

When you got home Beomgyu was finally home, slumped on the living room's couch while talking to your mother while your father was still in the kitchen finalizing tonight's dinner. When you walked in with Heeseung your brother got up to hug you only to be welcomed by your squinted eyes and a quiet "We'll talk about your behaviour when the parents aren't here..." He didn't seem to understand at first but he rapidly turned his head toward the standing Heeseung beside you.

"You snitched on me?" Your brother accused his best friend who only lifted his hand to faint his innocence.

Dinner was just like you remembered it. Your parents were leading the conversation as usual, while your brother, Heeseung and you enjoyed and praised their cooking skills. Heeseung's long legs brushed yours uder the table, innocently like they always had, and you didn't even flich once (you actually did flinch every time you felt his legs against yours), you exchanged glances when everyone talked about you never getting in a relationship.

Your parents even asked him if you were really that single. The look you exchanged when they did was heavy of meaning, "should I tell them?" his eyes seemed to ask, while your heart pounded inside of your chest, your whole body cursing Kazuha for creating that stupid twitter account.

Fortunately he didn't say anything other than "I don't have anything to say about it.."

You jumped on the settling silence after his sentence to drift the conversation to another subject -one that wouldn't remember you that Heeseung believed you like him- everyone followed you, but you didn't remark the look on Heeseung's stare, the amusement, the enjoyment, and the proud of his power over you, not that he wanted to be superior, he just realised that he began to really like the feeling of knowing what you deeply think about him.

You who never showed interest in anyone, made a fool of yourself because you crushed on him. Yeah, he felt that flutering feeling inside his chest when he remebered it while looking at you.

Your mother has a talent of making conversations out of little nothings, she and your father began to talk about Beomgyu's hair, remembering how he looked a cute with longer hair. This is how everyone began to talk about their favourite haircut.

You cringe when you remember the time you tried a wolfcut during the pandemic, following the TikTok trend... you ended up looking crazy and as soon as the hair salon were open you had to run to get your hair cut properly.

In front of you Heeseung was thinking hardly about what hairstyle he liked the best. He tried quite a few, from the bowl cut tu the undercut he tried things and other but it was never really that big of a change for him to choose which one was the best. But he did like the time when he dyed his hair red.

"I liked the mullet on you.." It slipped out ofyour mouth, without you even thinking about it, because it was just natural. You saw him when he got that mullet, Kazuha made you follow him that day and it suited him very well.

You were so unbothered by it that you didn't even saw how Heeseung reacted, you didn't see his whole body freeze, because he got that mullet when you weren't talking to him. Now he realised that you were watching him, because of your crush on him, because you actually paid attention to him. He tried to look at you throught the strands of hair falling in front of his eyes.

You were unbothered as always and maybe that's what throws him off balance. How could you act so casually with him by your side, say such things without realising how it echoes inside his head more than it should. Right at this moment he knows it's something he'll be thinking about until it's late at night, along with all the things you did, your smile when you went on that stupid date, your laugh when he says something stupid, the look inside your eyes that he can't read through...

"You got a mullet?" blurted out Beomgyu outraged by the news, a disgusted look displayed on his face like it's the worst thing he could've done.

Heeseung chuckled, "Yeah, it lasted two weeks..."

"You should try it again..." said your mother, really enthusiastic at the idea of it. Beomgyu groaned, giving a disaproval look to your mother. "What? Y/N said it looked good! I want to see." She said.

"It really was good... but to be honest everything looks good on him so..."

Once again you were complimenting him like it was logical, your cheeks weren't red, your demeanour was the same as usual and he couldn't pinpoint why, but Heeseung hated that.

He didn't think twice before talking, all he wanted was to make you flush, change the shade of your cheeks to a pinkish one, force you to give you that look you always gives when you're flustered. So he said it.

"You think so baby love?"

He regretted it right away, what was he doing? Calling you that way like he didn't discover you had a crush on him a month ago. You snapped your head toward him, eyes wide, mouth half parted, and cheeks suddenly red (at least he succeeded in making you blush).

Your mother's laugh broke the tension right away, it echoed inside the living room taking you from your daze. "Oh my god, how long has it been since I last heard that name..." she laughed, shaking her head in amusement.

Heeseung immediately thought that he crossed the line you both had drawn between you, but was it really bad? Because he couldn't really feel bad about it, he was enjoying the warm that spread his cheeks and your suddenly shy behaviour.

Everybody remembered the good old times when Heeseung called you by every cringey nickname on earth. But you, you only think about how Heeseung's gaze is different.

But maybe you're imagining things and he isn't smirking like he enjoys it.

After dinner your parents went to sleep leaving the living room to the three of you, you could prepare everything about tonight, eaning you turned the tv on and went straight to Netflix to put your comfort movie, all that in front of your brother who seemed scandalized. He tried to fight but Heeseung played his role, telling your brother he promised you that you could choose the movie.

"I didn't promise everything!" Argued your brother, trying to reach for the remote inside of your hand bu failed when you backed up to dodge his assault.

"No but you ditched us for Minjeong!" You retorted in an accusive tone.

Beomgyu groaned, cursing at his bestfriend under his breath, finally withdrawing from the fight for the remote.

You didn't want him to tell you everything about his love life, you suffered enough because of it, but you still expected your brother to tell you the truth if he had a date that he wanted to hide from your parents.

You understand the feeling he has, he doesn't want your parents to know it yet because you fear it'll be too early, and you understand if he doesn't want to introduce her to you as his situationship or whatever they are, you don't expect to hang out with him and his girl, you just don't want your brother to lie to you because you wouldn't lie to him yourself.

Not lying doesn't mean telling him everything tho, because you'd be mortified if you had to tell him what you got yourself into.

"I wanted to tell you when I got home, the parents know the code on your phone..." You heard him say. "Don't sulk." He added, pulling you closer to him in a comforting hug.

You smiled, you loved your brother for that kind of behaviour, he knew you better than anyone, of course he saw that you were hurt.

"And stop hanging out with that dork." He said moving his chin toward Heeseung. "He's annoying."

Heeseung chuckled "You think she'll listen to you?"

Your eyes set on the movie you witnessed both men arguing over whether you should stop hanging out with Heeseung or your brother. Neither of them paying attention to the amazing movie that you picked but it's their loss if they never get to experience peak cinema with "To all the boys I've loved before".

While Lara jean was saying goodbye to her sister, they were still debating over who between them was the best.

"You know what? let's ask her! Y/N who do you prefer? The weird annoying Heeseung or me your lovely and funny brother."

You should've been prepared for this question, it was always the same, they ranted about why they were the best and then make you pick the winner between them.

The familiarity of the question made you laugh, siffle a laugh while you tried to keep an ounce of your attention on the movie (that you loved) and not the boys. Still your eyes drifted in their direction. On your right, your brother and his lifted eye brows, giving you a determined look, you didn't know if his stare was just a "waiting for your answer" stare or a "you better choose me" stare.

On the left was a relaxed Heeseung, manspreading with an easy smile on his lips, the smile of a winner because he knows it, each time they've asked this question before you always answered that he was your favourite, and he knew tonight will make ni exception, because he knows you and he thinks you have a crush on him.

Confidence is written on his forehead, he even allows his attention to shift to the movie, ready to act nonchalant about his victory.

"Of course I choose you." you answered, pushing softly your brother with a smile.

The reactions are immediate, your brother catching you between his arms in a tight hug while he screams at his bestfriend "Told ya I'm the favourite!", his childish behaviour making you giggle.

On the other side of the couch, Heeseung froze, looking at you like you betrayed him, like this was the wrong answer, because it was. Why on earth would you say that? Questions were slowlky floding his brain: did she say that because she doesn't want Beomgyu to know she has a crush on me? Maybe she is over her crush for me? What should I do to be the favourite again?

It's only when your brother released you from his grip that you spotted Heeseung's stiffed figure, staring like a betrayed child, his doe eyes combined with the slight pout of his lips making your heart melt inside.

"What happened to me being your favourite one?" He asked tugging on the material of your sweatshirt.

"I'm not 12 anymore it'll be weird if I still preferred you."

You say it just casually, or so you tried to, turning back your head toward the movie where Lara Jean and Peter Kavinski were agreeing on the therms of their dating contract.

You ignored the pink of your cheeks that was hidden by the obscurity of the living room, what a rich idea you had when you decided to turn off the lights. The shadow even hid the quick glances in Heeseung's direction that you threw from time to time, not really sure why you were looking at him, you just felt like it, biting the inside of your cheeks whenever he almost caught you staring.

Despite the fact that you're staring a bit, you don't forget the film. Cringing when Lara jean kissed Peter on the ground to avoid Josh, you even asked yourself why she was putting herself in such a delicate sittuation but then you remembered, you kinda did the same...

Heeseung had never seen that movie before, it was his first time seeing it, and his first time seeing how passionate you looked.

Your eyes were stuck on the screen, the shadow of a smile drawn on your lips, each time something you liked happened you moved your toes and it was cute. Several times Beomgyu made comments on the movie, about how weird the whole contract was, how weird Lara jean was or something else, each time you frowned, gave him an annoyed stare, smacked his legs, and gave him arguments on why the movie was perfect.

Because you loved that movie, you told the boys that you already watched the movies a bunch of times and they laughed out. But now Heeseung catches himself curious about what in the movie makes you so fan of it, so excited that you have that dreamy look on your face.

Was it the main lead? No way, you have better taste than this and honestly Heeseung was better looking. Was it the plot? Fake dating seemed weird for him, and knowing you and your introverted self he knew it wasn't that...

"Why do you like it so much?" He whispered, between two loud snores from Beomgyu, while Lara Jean was having a mental breakdown about the bathtub video.

You didn't look in his direction, you kept your eyes on the screen, sighing deeply with the corner of your lips turned upward. "I kinda see myself in Lara Jean..."

Heeseung's eyes couldn't look elsewhere than your figure, from what he had seen Lara Jean had a lot of crushes and was just affraid to really commit, were you that way too? Suddenly he caught himself oh so curious about you, someone he thought he knew very well, maybe he didn't know you that well after all.

Nowadays you don't stop surprising him, he can't help but smile when he thinks about the new things he discovered about you, your nasty gossiping tendency, the way you press your lips before you to lie to him, the look you always gave him and only him, the scent of your new perfume that he couldn't get enough of...

All those things that he was starting to like a lot.

"If I was a character from the movie who would I be?"

Heeseung didn't know why he asked that, but he did. You side eyed him, he could say that you were plotting something.

"Kitty" you said "You're annoying."

It got him snort a laugh, "If you're Lara Jean I have to be Peter." He deadpanned at you not realising the undermeaning of what he said, or maybe he did, you wouldn't know.

The corner of your lips lifted without you noticing it, "Right?" You said, answering him with an unimpressed look, trying to hide the increasing movement of your heart inside your ribcage.

Your words lingered in the air until the end of the movie, you remembered him saying that he was Peter whenever you felt him moving beside you, whenever your tight touched his, it also did when you both reached for the remote at the same time and his hands landed on yours, you exchanged a surprised stare before diverting your gaze elsewhere while smiling.

That night something changed you were sure about it, but you couldn't pinpoint what, if you were asked what changed you would answer nothing, because you still talked to each other like you had been talking for the past weeks, you still enjoyed each other's presence, but deep inside you knew it wasn't the same at all. And it had absolutely nothing to do with the way you had to press your lips tighter in Heeseung's presence.

It was such an insignificant change of energy that you didn't even feel the need to tell your friends that the air beside Heeseung was different. Not when you woke up and crossed his path in the stairwell, the smell of him sending a wave of shiver all around your body. And surely not when you're alone at home with only him around...

You didn't know you weren't alone. Your parents were out and Beomgyu sent you a text telling you were going to be alone for the night, so you thought you had the house for yourself. You did something you wouldn't have done if you weren't alone, you went to read your book in the living room, soft sensual songs playing on the background because you like the intimate atmosphere it brings.

You prepared everything for your lecture session to be the best you ever had, a cocktail made by yourself, snacks just because you craved a good girl's dinner, you on the couch, your legs layed on the backrest of it while your upper body rested on the seat, you moved a lot, smiling in front of the book while the protagonists where about to get really nasty.

This would have been the best moment of your life if your book had not been snatched from your hands in the middle of that really heated scene between the protagonists. You yelped in surprise, falling from the couch when your eye met heeseung's figure hovering over you, his eyes set on the lines you were just reading, a slight frown appearing between his brows out of concentration.

It took you a good second to realise that he was here, and reading the smut of the book. A second during which you saw his eyes drifting to your, brows slightly higher this time as if to say "Oh, so that's the kind of things you read", the next second you were jumping on your feet to get your book back.

"Give it back!" You said, rushing on Heeseung who walked away soon enough so you would miss him and sprawl back on the couch like a miserable loser.

" "You're making a mess, sweetheart..." " He began to narrate, dodging another of your assaults without even glancing in your direction, " "... liking your own cum while I" Damn... "fuck you from behind?" " He continued to quote the shameful things written inside the book, seemingly really invested in it while you were absolutely dying from embarassment.

He shouldn't be here, and absolutely shouldn't be reading that book.

After two other failed attempts to get back your book you finally managed to take it from his hand, flattening the book against your chest, your face all flushed with embarassment heart racing because of it and also the efforts you put into getting the book back.

You hurried yourself to gather your things, the socks you once wore and threw under the coffee table earlier because it disturbed you to have them on while reading an argument, the snack that were almost finished, with your hurried motions in order to turn off the music as well.

"Maybe I'm disturbing?" you heard Heeseung taunt behind you.

You weren't looking at him (how could you meet his eyes after what he just read out loud) but you knew him enough to know what look was currently on his face.

"How come you're home?" You asked, ignoring everything else.

You heard him chuckle, like he couldn't believe what you just said. "Was I supposed to be outside?"

"Gyu told me I was alone tonight." You grumbled, cursing at your brother inside your head hoping that whatever he is doing right now, he has the worse time of his life.

"So you decided to read smut on your own?" Heeseung's mocking voice is like a dagger inside your chest, you know he's going to tell your brother just to make fun of you later.

"I'm not reading smut, it's a romance book inside of which happened to be smut parts." You retorted, hoping that he'll believe you and leave you the fuck alone even tho you know it's a lost cause.

"I don't judge." He says, lazily dropping himself on the couch beside you.

"Why is your face telling otherwise?"

"I'm really not, just surprise that this is the kind of things you read,considering that you once told me read to feel things that you don't feel because of your nonexistent lovelife."

You did tell him that years ago when he and your brother made fun of you for only reading romance book, back then they joked a lot about you being bitchless and you tried to play crazier in hopes that they would drop their teasing. They didn't.

And now Heeaeung probably thinks you read this book because you're craving intimacy. Screw you.

"Just forget I ever said that..." you exhaled, exhausted. "And forget what you read too!"

Heeseung laughed, but that's the only thing he had been doing ever since he caught you here. You're now sitting beside him on your living room's sofa, your book against your chest as if to protect it from his reach, snacks in hands, ready to leave, but not leaving.

Before silence settles, Heeseung turns his head toward you, inhaling like he is about to do something unusual.

"So should I leave you oooor..."

You peek at him through the strands of hair falling in front of you because of your -shamefully- dropped down head.

"or?"

"You said there's a sequel to the movie we watched last time, and it was kinda good so why not watch it?"

You blink twice before your brain finally processes what had just been said. Never in your whole life would you have thought that Heeseung the menace would have dropped the teasing that easily. You turn your head toward him, curious, and then you realize that not only has he dropped the teasing but he also said that your favourite movie was cool.

"Are you sick?" You let out making him giggles.

He shakes his head, looking serious for once, he has a slight smile on his face but it's not to mock you or anything, he is just here looking at you like that.

"I'm interested in the things you like, can't I?"

"Why are you interested?"

His eyes are set on his hands, he is playing with the lace of his sweatpants like its a fidget toy. You wait for his answer for an instant, wondering what he is thinking about, what is going on inside of his head. Slowly he lifts his head to look toward you.

"Well I heard you had great taste in boys..." He huffs a laugh with a shy smile before he looks away.

By great taste in boys he means him, you feel the heat sprawling through your whole body. You decide to brush it away and just turn the tv on to switch the second movie on. 

During the movie he asks you what you think about it, really listening after he asked if you still saw you in Lara Jean. His attention was definitely more on you than on the movie, nodding when you explained how you understood her when she explained how insecure she was about her relationship with Peter.

And he understood, he never thought about it but he understood when you told him you feared dating a man with a lot of experience and realising that what was special to you because it was your first would be normal for him because he already had his first.

Was it what stopped you from talking about your feelings for him? He wondered.

He kept this question in the corner of his head while he gave you his point of view, if the boy is the one, no matter if he already did this, with you it's gonna be special.

You scoffed after he said that, the movie reflecting in your eyes while you switched you attention back on the movie. He didn't know that the movie would pass by so fast, and all he could remember from it was your sighs, your smiles, your lips pressed together in a tight line, or the dreamy look you had when you talked at the end of the movie, that's when the movie had his attention back, and yet he only remember how you talked about Peter being perfect because he remembered Lara Jean didn't like to drive under snow and everything buthe stopped listening when you said: "Oh to have a Peter Kavinski."

Why would you want a boy like him? Heeseung would do so much more if he had the opportunity, Peter isn't special, he is, and you should know that.

You smiled at him when the movie ended thanking him for the great moment you had watching this wonderful movie. He almost grabbed your hand when you walked past him to go to your room, because he wanted to spend more time with you. But he didn't do it.

Instead he waited for you to go to your room, leaving him on the couch looking mindlessly to the place you once occupied. His hands on his face he suddenly wondered "What am I even doing?"

During the rest of the week you stucked together, your parents had their own plans and Beomgyu went out thrice to see Minjeong. When you were together, Heeseung and you did nothing, you only discussed uninteresting matters, watched movies, laughed... like it was the most natural thing.

He didn't talk about the book you were reading, it ended up being your little secret, another one he teased you with. But it was harmless, instead of taking it as bullying like before it felt more like something else, maybe because of the way his smile reached a bit more his eyes when you muttered him to stop joking about it, making your own lips curv upward.

Time passes by faster when you enjoy yourself, and if it was possible you would've satyed at your parents' house longer, because you loved being with them, you loved being reunited with your family, laughing with your brother, and the calm moment you spent with Heeseung.

But even the best things have to end. Your hiatus from college and your drama was now over, Heeseung dropped you in front of your apartment, giving you the cutest smile when you walked away, waving at him eagerly, hoping that you'll be able to spend more time with him.

You had to go back to work the next day, and let's say that your friends weren't happy about your silence during your break. Sunoo and Yunjin sulked that you didn't even call them and asked what happened, they groanned when you answered with "nothing" but still had the biggest foolish smile plastered on your face.

It's only when Kazuha and Jake blurted inside the cafe out of nowhere that you were forced to recount everything that happened during your break, from the drive to your hometown listening to slow rnb, to the fit of laughter you had with your brother when Heeseung showed you a cowboy outfit.

All your friends' eyes were round on you by the end of your monologue. Silence lingered for less than 5 seconds, silence during which your friends exchanged stares you couldn't understand.

Then Jake, broke the silence. "Now am I crazy to ship them?"

"You go back to eat your waffle." You retorted right away, rolling your eyes while wiping a tea cup.

"He's so right oh my god!" gasped Kazuha, slamming her hand on her mouth like she just discovered all the world's secrets. Unfortunately for you, all your friends agreed, they even called Sunghoon to ask for his opinion and as much as he could've said the same thing he always says "you're over analyzing thing", he decided to have an opinion on everything told to him.

"Invite me to the wedding?" You heard coming from Kazuha's phone.

You had to fight for them to drop the subject even tho you knew that all your friends were now sure you and Heeseung were a thing. But you weren't at all, they were totally misinterpreting things.

So just to make sure you didn't add fuel to the fire, you told nobody that Heeseung and you agreed on watching movies together more often. You began to spend more time with him, talking on the phone about movies, about campus, about deeper subjects too, like his fear of not being good enough, of not being enough.

Each time you reassured him, trying not to cross the line between you, even tho you didn't really kow where it was, there was still a line, because he thought you liked him and hated this idea. He was nice enough to treat you like nothing happened you didn't wat to screw that up so you kept a distance between you, it was for the best.

When you left work you told Yunjin and Sunoo that you had plans with your brother so they wouldn't follow you or suggest a hangout, you didn't have any plans with your brother, he is still about a 2 hours drive away from you, you had plans with Heeseung, because he insisted hehad to watch the third volume of To all the boys I've loved before.

You agreed to watch it at yours since at his you would've been disturbed by his roommates Jay and Riki.

You hurried home, to clean a bit and get everything ready, you got drinks, snacks to eat during the movie and a plaid in case one of you is cold. You barely had the time to freshen up when you heard the sound of knocks on your door (you gave him the codes to get inside the building prior).

Your legs did all the work since your brain had suddenly decided to shut down. You run to the door before you opened it to see the relaxed figure of Heeseung in front of you. He was dressed casually, a beigish cargo pant and a black zipped up hoodie topped by a cap. This was a prefectly fine outfit for tonight's program because this wasn't a date at all, it didn't feel like one anyway.

Yes you're nervous when you smile at him to invite him inside your place, but this is strictly because it's the first time he steps inside your apartment, you're just scared he won't like the way you decorated the place. 

He lifted a bag you hadn't even noticed he had before saying with joy "I got us beers on the way here!"

After thanking him you closed the door behind him, taking a deep breath before turning toward the living room where he would obviously be. But this is normal, this is just Heeseung in your living room nothing more, so if your stomach could stop feeling fuuny you'd love that. You lifted your gaze toward him, just to find Heeseung sat in the rocking chair that used to stand in the living room of your parents' house, rocking it like a child.

He spotted you, not stopping the motions, quickly analizing your figure before getting his thoughts back together. "I was wondering where it was when we were at your parents'"

You smiled, sitting on the floor beside the coffee table where Heeseung disposed the beers he bought for you. "I threw a tantrum because I wanted it and mum gave up."

He snorted, he knows that you said the truth because this is something you would've done before. " 'Gyu didn't say anything?"

You shook your head, "He took the couch from the guest room, you know how much I liked it."

"You two couldn't just buy your own furnitures?"

You laughed, handing him a beer. "You know we couldn't."

Yes he knows, because he knew you needed some emotional support, something to remember you of home, just like your brother needed one back then. Heeseung remembers when he and your brother moved out. He remembers it very well, you were there also, only moving small things because it was easier, and he joined you doing it.

 He would've loved moving only the small things into your apartment as well, regret stinging for a second, feeling the nostalgia of a moment he could never live and for a second he surprises himself, hoping that the next time you'll move out you'll call him for help.

Minutes passed by, small talk dragged on, and you didn't feel like throwing up, jumping, screaming, giggling and crying at the same time anymore. 

"I got us some instant noodles to eat in front of the movie since you like it." You said, showing the package to him.

His eyes lit up a bit as he got closer to get a proper look, asking which ones you got. 

"Prepare the movie, I'll be in the kitchen cooking the best noodles you've ever had before." He said, getting up from the rocking chair, snatching the instant noodles from where they were.

He asked where your pans where, if you had eggs, and got busy cooking. You had a great view of him from your couch, his wide shoulders displayed just for you while he hummed a song you didn't recognized. 

During the time he was cooking you just stared at him (because preparring the movie is the matter of a few seconds, one minute if you're really slow). You enjoyed the view, you already knew it, but it never fails to amaze you how much of a pretty boy Heeseung is. It jumps at you particularly more often nowadays, it's maybe because you spend more time with him....

Anyway you don't want to think too much about it, you just focus your gaze on his hair, half hidden by his cap but you can see he changed his hair since the last time you saw him, his hair were already long on his neck but now that you take closer attention to it, you see how the undisciplined strands of his hair fall in a way that you can only recognize.

"You got a mullet?" You asked.

You didn't see it because he had his back toward you, but he smiled at this remark, he was waiting for you to notice it. He decided to wear a cap while going out so you wouldn't see it right away and get the idea that he is totally obsessed with the way you see him, he wanted to be nonchalant, make you believe that he hasn't been thinking about getting a mullet haircut ever since you told everyone at your parents' house that you loved the way he looked with one.

"You like it?" He said, turning around to look at you while taking off his cap with the hand that wasn't holding the chopsticks with which he was making the noodles.

He was beyond good looking, his little showing moment lasted too little for your liking, still you enjoyed it.

You thought he was lying when he said that he was about to make the best instant noodles youve ever had you thought he was lying, but he wasn't. You even smasked his arm after the first bite because of how good it was. 

"I'll cook again for you if you like it." He said, acting like your praises on his cooking skills weren't making him blush.

Unfortunately the noodles only lasted for the first ten minutes of the movie. The bowls were forgotten on the coffee table right after as you got distracted by the movie. 

From standing normally on the couch you both slouched on the couch, keeping a distance between you two, as if touching each other would burn you or something. 

Your head resting on the armrest of the couch, you ended up keeping the plaid for yourself. Every noise coming from outside had faded, leaving only the voices coming from the tv, the music and yours and Heeseung's comments on the movie.

As usuall Heeseung asked a lot of things about your point of view on the movie, laughed when you told him that they totally ruined Peter Kavinski (he was secretly happy that you finally understood Peter wasn't that good). 

Tonight was like the ones you spent at yours, it was peaceful, cozy, a perfect oportunity to speak your hearts open.

"I never really believed in this kind of love stories..." You said at some point. Heeseung looked at you, one arched eyebrow. "You know... the idea that loving someone like that is possible, I don't believe it." You shook your head, staring at the screen with a melancholic look.

"Why?" He asked, his voice betraying his interest in what you just said. 

Heeseung knows you're a hopeless romantic so he would've never thought you could say such things as close as "I don't believe that kind of love exist."

"it's just..." You pressed your lips tightly, thinking about how to formulate with words what you mean deep inside. "It's too much..."

"I don't think it's that crazy." 

You scoffed, wondering who really is the hopeless romantic loser in the room right now.

"Don't laugh!" He grommeled, "I'm serious, I can love much more than that! Peter is like beginner level, I'm a true loverboy!"

You looked quickly at him mocking him totally. Heeseung never told you anything about his lovelife but you know enough to know that in 12th grade he neglected his relationship with Gaeul from grade 11, so much that she dumped him after 3months spent together.

The conversation ended there, leaving something in the air that neither you nor him wanted to address, but you still wondered, is he really a loverboy? What did he meant saaying that? Is he messing with you because he thinks you have a crush on him? all those questions floded your brain holding your attention somewhere between the Heeseung that is sat beside you yet is so far away, and the Heeseung your mind is painting inside your head (or your heart).

Without even realising it, your eyes are back on Heeseung, you can't help but stare -praying god that Heeseung don't see it- your eyes are everywhere on him, searching for that something that is making the atmosphere so dense yet so comfortable.

That's when your eyes stop on Heeseung's sweat, more particularly on his cleavage, where the zip of his sweat is supposed to hide whatever he wears under, but there is nothing under that sweatshirt. Nothing.

A hot wave crosses over your body, thinking about Heeseung's bare chest, seeing the necklace around his neck that is simply living against his skin like it's right to be this close to Heeseung. You quicly take your eyes away from the man beside you, wondering why such an insignificant detail is quaking inside of you, such a gigantic reaction for nothing, nothing under his sweatshirt. This isn't an information, this is a moment.

"Hey I'm cold, can you share the plaid?" He suddenly asks.

Of course he is cold, who even doesn't wear anything under their sweatshirt.

You give him the whole plaid, maybe a bit too fast, you don't even dare too look at him, acting like the movie is so captivating that you can't take your eyes of it. It makes Heesung laughs, a quiet yet sweet giggle that sounds like melody inside your ears.

"I said share, not throw it to me." He laughed.

"It's not big enough for us two, just take it." You tried to brush off.

You really meant it, the plaid isn't that big, so it's just better if he keeps it and-

"Come on... I don't bite..." He said, pulling you closer to him before he put the soft plaid on top of you two.

Your brain stopped functionning at that moment. Because what was the shadow of his heat was now the real feeling of his body against yours. You were just sitting beside each othe, your shoulders and tights touching under the plaid, feeling like this whole situation was illegal.

You just had to turn your head a bit to be face to face with the necklace you were staring at 30seconds ago. His scent enfolded you, something fresh but sensual, making you inhale quietly in hopes to keep smelling it.

It's a bold move, Heeseung knows it because he feels like he will faint any moment, he had you that close before, but it never felt like this, like he belonged this close to you, like he had the right to put his arm around your shoulders like he just decided to, making you shiver.

At first you’re a bit stiff against him, visibly taken aback, he even hesitated to pull off, he knows your limits, but before he could admit that you were utterly uncomfortable he felt your head resting against him.

It’s just a little more contact, little enough for you to think it wasn’t a big deal, but big enough for Heeseung to thank god for letting him live until that right moment. His head thrown backward he pressed his lips together so he wouldn’t scream like a crazy fangirl.

The movie is just a fade now, but it's been like that since the first one, he has his attention on you and solely on you, and the only thing occupying his mind along with the thoughts of you is the thoughts of how to keep you this close to him for ever.

How to make you his.

taglist: @sumzysworld

[xramyeonz]

CRUSH - lhs part1

Pairing: Lee Heeseung x freader

Synopsis: you never even had a crush before but when you try to cover up for your friend, you end up trapped being seen as a crazy girl who has a crush on Heeseung, your brother’s bestfriend.

Word count: whole thing: ???

word count part1: 12k

Warnings: embarrassing situation, yn is gaslighting herself, you’ll throw up at the pet names, fluff, fake angst, kissing, mention of other idols, they drink alcohol at some point, cheesy stuff and cringe nicknames

n/a: guys idk if this is good enough but I’m fed up with this fr I’ve been writing it for MONTHS I came up with TEN DIFFERENT VERSIONS and I still doubt about things but if I don’t post it I fear I’ll start another version and I can’t afford it my sleeping schedule is messed up and I think about it in my dreams, I even messed up my exams because I was more worried about finishing the ff than my grades. Anyway I hope you’ll like it the other parts are coming quickly I swear.

part1 part2 part3

Never being in a relationship may have fucked up your perception of love. You were born a hopeless romantic, as far as you can remember you have always been waiting for that day where you would fall in love and never let go of this person.

You really wished it happened but years passed and still there was no one. You debilerately didn't date at first because no matter how much pressure your friends used to put on you during your school days there was no way you had a boyfriend at the ripe age of 8 (that and also Adam was really bad looking). Anyway at 8 you weren't interested in having a wedding during play time with some guys you were sure you would be ashamed of later.

When you hit middle school you were still reluctant of this idea, it's hard for a teenage girl to grow properly if she has to deal with a man. And guys are so annoying at 14 years old, let alone how bad looking they are, no it wasn't for you. At 14 guys were discovering sex and they would have made you like some kind of slut anyway so there was no way.

During highschool you weren't against experiencing love, at this point you had seen "to all the boys I loved before" and you were secretly wishing Peter Kavinsky would find you somehow (the Peter from the first movie not the one that wasn't waiting for Lara Jean in the hot tub duh).

You were only disapointed when you realised boys were still not to your liking, and still annoying, and Peter Kavinsky wasn't real. But also, they weren't looking at you. To be honest you were never the center of everybody's attention but you weren't left aside that much. But highschool turned things, you never realised how much more beautiful your friends were until the moment it hit you. Guys were all over them while no one looked back at you, not that you would have looked their way, but still you realised that maybe, guys found you ugly.

And this is how you ended up still lonely, unloved and virgin at 23 years old. Sure 23 isn't old, you're still so young, but every time you tell someone that no, you had never been in a relationship, no you were never in a situationship, no you never reached the "talking stage" with anybody, they always hit you with the "No way you're lying" or "You're not missing out on anything don't worry love only hurts" and even worse "You'll see, love will come when you least expect it" as if you were expecting anything anymore.

Like your bestfriend would always say, you're the ultimate virgin: no kiss, no hook ups, no relationship, not even a crush (celebrity crush doesn't count since they are out of reach anyway).

However being born a hopeless romantic you had to somehow fill the empty void in your heart, that's how you ended up watching rom-coms, romance anime, all sort of drama, your favourite songs were all about love, you began to read romance books, manhwas, romance mangas, and the devil itself: fanfictions. You were something like 13 when you discovered wattpad and fanfictions, you couldn't believe what you discovered that night. You had to put an all nighter to process everything, it was like the pandora box, there was so many love stories for free, you rushed to read as many as possible, always waiting for updates to your favourite stories. This is how you discovered what they called lemons at first, the smut, you would've never imagined that at 23 you were still reading about it and still wonder how it really is.

This made you who you are today, the quiet single girl, reading things on her phone. Everybody around you knew how single you felt inside, claiming either that you would end up alone anyway and that no man deserves you or even that you're still single because it meant that you would end up with the sexiest, prettiest, loveliest, richest most perfect man on earth (stay delulu).

And you think about your prolonged celibacy when you see two person kissing right in front of you while you're waiting in line to get cookies for you and your bestfriend, and with Juno by Sabrina Carpenter playing on the background you swear that if those two motherfuckers in front of you don't separate asap you'll start throwing hands.

"Stop hating on them I can see the daggers your eyes are throwing." Kazuha said, walking toward you.

You sighed, "I can't take it anymore, one more couple and I'll just kill myself." You mimicked beheading yourself with your thumb as if it was a knife.

"It's the campus couple's dating place, what were you expecting?" She whislted a laugh, replacing her hair behind her ears while looking at her phone. She was right, what exactly were you expecting, it's always like that, people are always eating each other's face as if they wished to swallow the other one right in front of you. No you're not jealous, you just wish they were more considerate of other people around them.

You practically ran back to your class after eating outside just to be back in the anxiety of university courses, what a delight. Kazuha followed you, amused and just plopped on the sit next to you, the auditorium wasn't full, you still had time before the beggining of the next lecture and Kazuha took advantage of it to show you all her campus crush's pictures.

He is known among every student for being one of the hotest boys on campus. There was a day when you and Kazuha were trying to find a vending machine and you randomly crossed his path, it was the day Kazuha developped sort of a crush on him after he smilled in your direction.

By sort of a crush what you really mean is that she began to call him her husband everyday and sending you pictures of him on her secret twitter account. You don't know where she got all those thirst traps of him but there sure is a lot and you can't deny the fact that he is good looking.

What you find weird is the fangirling, she doesn't know him, has never heard him talking or do anything else than walking on campus or posing on those pictures? The only thing she knows is that his name is Lee Heeseung, he is 2 years older than you, he majors in sociology, he likes playing basketball and he is popular for his doe eyes.

But for her knowing that little about him is making all this "campus crush" thing funnier as she says. She treats it like a celebrity crush, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with him but she enjoys the view of him and the excitment whenever she sees him on the other side of the road.

Sometimes she forces you to follow her, making a detour just to cross his path and giggle when she realised that you walked right in front of him, always claiming that she sweared he looked at you or that he seemed geniunely curious about you.

No matter how awkward it was you had to cope with that crush thing, you were the only follower to that secret twitter account she had and where she posted all of her crushes, from Lee Heeseung to Zayn Malik, each time she came across a picture of one of her crushes she just had to tweet about it, and to be honest it was really funny to witness, every off putting comment about how she could die for the man on the picture or how she deserves to be their wife made you laugh, some innocent freakyness never hurt anyone.

"Oh you should take a look to the last picture Carlos Sainz posted on his instagram he looks sooo yu-"

"What the-" You suddenly heard the group of girls on the row in front of you laughing louder, cutting Kazuha's fangirling session. They all turned toward you two, eyes wide on shock and mouth covered by their hands as they where giggling and whispering to each others.

You shoot a glance at Kazuha who wasn't understanding either what was their problem. You knew those girls, two were Kazuha's roommates, they weren't close friends but they got allong well so such weird behaviour was really surprising coming from them. After a minute of incomprehension, one of Kazuha's roommate turned around with her phone in hand.

"Kazuha is that you?" She handed you the phone and you gasped in shock, a shock that was nothing compared to the terror in Kazuha's eyes. Automatically her eyes found yours, it was unthinkable but her secret account had been discovered. The tweet Yuna was showing you was one of the numerous pictures of Heeseung where Kazuha commented "looking so fine and for what?".

Everybody's eyes inside the auditorium was on you, regardless if they heard what was happening or not, if they knew what was happening or not, everybody had their eyes on you and Kazuha who probably wished to disappear right away.

"W-well I-" she stutters, searching for something to say just to make this whole thing less embarassing but it was too hard to witness. You've never seen Kazuha so embarassed before, you could only guess what was going through her head. These four girls knew who Heeseung was. You were already imagining Kazuha's distress when she would just be inside her dorm whith her roommates also there, just talking about how Kazuha was a weird fangirl.

"It's not hers it's mine." You blurted out without even thinking.

All eyes shifted to you, the shock on their faces only growing because everybody knew you as the no boyfriend girl. Even you were shocked about what you just did, you sacrificed your whole social life in order to protect Kazuha's reputation.

This whole discreet attitude, you always did your best not to attract unwanted attention, all this work was long forgotten now. Kazuha snapped her head toward you, the fear inside her eyes was now mixed with incomprehension. Why would you even do that?

You were already regretting that dumb decision your stupid mouth made by itself. Now you were just mentally preparing yourself for the worse time of your life, far ahead of the day you had your wisdom teeth removed.

"So you have a crush on him?" You saw one of the girls ask and you knew she had something in mind while asking that. The mission was clear right now, you had to limit the damage, by all cost.

The thought of it made no sense to you, no you couldn't possibly have just a slight crush for him. But for Kazuha's sake you had to put on the act of your life.

"He is good looking, is it that shocking?" the nonchalance in your tone was crazy, somebody give you an oscar right now because you're giving the act of your whole life.

But after all you didn't lie, you found the man good looking.

"No it's just that... I wasn't expecting you out of all people to have such account..."

As you were about to answer, the teacher came in and started the lecture right away switching everybody's attention to whatever he was saying, even tho you still saw the girls stealing glances in your direction. This was incomparable to the day you got your wisdom teeth removed, it was way less painful back then.

"Thank you..." Kazuha whispered, making you sigh.

"You owe me for your whole life now girl..."

By the end of the week you knew everybody knew about your secret fan girl twitter account, you were suddenly the centre of everybody's attention, people shooting glances at you every now and then. After the incident, you made sure with Kazuha that she DELETED that stupid account before even more damages were made (even if you deeply knew it was too late).

You were suddenly glad that you weren't in the same major Heeseung was in, at least you would not be running into him randomly. There was still a very thin chance that he would never hear about that fangirl account or something and this is quite litteraly what you were wishing for.

You had to wait for a week before you stopped hearing whispers whenever you walked by (it's hard to think that you're in university and not highshcool with how people reacted to this whole drama...) the storm was now behind you (or so you like to think because in reality it didn't stop at all), you just had to go ahead, and by going ahead you really meant anywhere but near the sociology major zone, out of fear that you'll run into Heeseung.

That's why when Kazuha asked you to go to a party you refused, knowing that it's always one of Heeseung's friends throwing parties, and you weren't taking that risk.

But of course you never refuse anything to Kazuha, it's just how you show your love to your friends -even though sometimes you wish your love language would've been words of affirmations and not give in to whatever your friends want- and one thing lead to another you were ready, in front of the house where the party was being held. It was the -huge- house of one of the guys in the same major as Heeseung, but Kazuha swore to you that he wasn't going to be at the party because he was busy, it was Kazuha's roomate that told her that and (it helped Kazuha getting what she wanted: you going to the party).

The sight of the house left you wordless because you weren't aware at all that someone that rich would be studying in the same university as you.

The house was so impressive it got you stuck in front of the doorway, staring at it while considering if you were dressed well enough just to step inside and the answer obviously was no. You were just wearing a cargo pant with a crop top and a leather jacket, of course you weren't wearing someting good enough for the house.

"I can't..." you said to yourself, turning around. It didn't matter that you just texted Kazuha to say that you arrived, you were ready to run back to your place and you really would've done it if it wasn't for the man you bumped into.

"Are you running away?" A soft chuckle leaving his lips as you shifted your gaze to his face, only for you to recognize Lee Heeseung.

The first thing you thought about was the LIE Kazuha had told you, the man was right in front of you in the flesh. For a "too busy to be here" man he seemed very present, relaxed and free.

It was far from your first time seeing him this close but for a second your breath was cut, your body stiffening as if you were caught red handed doing something bad.

Either it's the shame of getting caught chickening out of a party, the guilt of knowing that you -kind of- stalked him for the past year because of your best friend, or the overwhelming embarasment of the possibilty of him knowing that you were the one managing a fangirl account of him even if it isn't really you...

You quickly tried to regain composure from the built embarassement inside of you before answering him with some poorly faked nonchalance, wondering where your acting skills had gone "I just don't feel like going anymore, I think I'm sick or-"

His laugh echoing in your ears and his hand on your lower back stopped you from talking. He used his unexpected grab on you to turn you around with one hand on your shoulder, the other still well placed on your lower back. You then felt him leaning toward you and the heat of his breath dying close to your ear as he told you: "C'mon let's have fun inside."

You gasped.

The man didn't give you a single chance to escape, he was pushing you toward the doorway no matter that you gave him a desperate look or that you shook your head, he seemed determined to take you to that party.

If it was somebody else you would have taken their hands away from you an maybe you would've even scream at them, but there was something with Heeseung that stopped you from doing so, a supernatural force that just broke your ability to talk and disconnected your legs from your brain leaving them on auto-pilot, forcing you to follow Heeseung's lead.

As he pushed you inside, you realised that being impressed of the doorway was stupid, you should've guessed that the inside would be worse.

The entry was huge, so was the garden and the pool inside of it. There was people everywhere, music blasting (not that you just discovered it, you just didn't pay attention to it when you were in front of the house), even the lights were set in a cool way, there was colorful neon around the place maybe to give a more partyish vibe and it worked just fine because for an instant you thought you were at a fancy party that Jackson Wang hosted like in every single fanfiction.

After a few seconds of being impresed by the place, you realised that Heeseung's hands weren't on you anymore, taking it as your sign to finally run away from here but the man was still paying attention to you and once again stopped your from running away.

"Stop holding me hostage and let me go home please." You pleaded, both your hands joined in prayer sign with the best doe eyes you were capable of.

He lifted the hand that wasn't busy keeping you from escaping the party and moved his pointing finger from left to right, shaking his head along to say no, he wasn't letting you go home.

You sighed in defeat, maybe this was the universe's way to tell you that you had to stay here, and at least you'll have some tea to spill when you'll fid Kazuha amongst the crowd of the party.

You'll tell her how her campus crush hold you hostage and made you move around inside the house with his arm resting around your shoulders- When did he put his arm on your shoulders?- Once again your body was moving alone, following Heeseung inside the house, toward the living room where his friend group was settled. When you realised the arm on your shoulders you pushed it gently, you were uncomfortable with this and he understood it, immediately taking it down while muttering a slight "sorry", he still kept pushing his hand on your lower back to lead you toward one of the free couches.

As you pop down on the leather sofa, you realise that Heeseung dragged you far enough so that people will not give attention to the both of you and you let out a defeated sight. You tried so hard not to get involved with him.

"Why would you come to a party just to renounce last minute?" Heeseung asks you, his tone seemingly geniunely curious. You can't tell what it is but something in his demeanor is telling you he will not let you go so soon. His body is fully turned toward you, his crossed legs touching yours, the slight friction making you contract your legs' muscles each time.

"My friend asked me to come but you know... I just don't like parties..."

"Why isn't your friend with you? They chickened out as well?" He jocked. He doesn't believe you, either because he thinks you're a loser and you don't have any friends or he knows. For your own well being you'll think it's the first option.

You gave him a side eye, making him smirk. Oh he shouldn't be giving you that look, you're not really in the mood to get teased by him. "No, she must be somewhere in the crowd, I texted her that I was here a minute ago so-"

"-Let's wait for her here then."

The mood suddenly shifted into one that you couldn't quite describe, it was just the way his eyes wouldn't let go of your figure... What was his problem? Maybe you looked really bad? Or funny?

Or he knew...

"I really don't think I'll enjoy the party... let me go please." you whined once again, maybe you'll end up having what you want if you ask non stop for it.

For the nth time you looked at him as he shook his head in disaproval "There is no going home, I'll help you enjoying tonight don't worry." The same smirk sticking on his face as if it would kill him to just not look at you as if he was permanently teasing you.

"I'm your shining armor knight, here to help you have the night of your life baby love." A scoff escaped your lips because of how cheesy that line was, and you almost threw up because of the emphasis on the cringey nickname he gave you. He did it on purpose because he knew how you'd react to it, espacially to that specific pet name, he knew you too well.

"Heeseung..." you grouched, eyes fixed on his while he looked at you with a slight pout on his face, he was mocking you, giving you false pity. You knew from the beginning it was useless to try to escape from him if he caught you.

Heeseung and you knew each other since you were 10 and him 12. Your older brother had a huge group of friend -unlike you- and Heeseung was one of them.

You never paid attention to your brother's friends. Why? Because you were uninterested in them to the point it was hard for you to remember some of their names. If your brother was a social butterfly and tried to befriend every human being it wasn't your case, plus you had enough friends on your own to try to befriend his. That was until Heeseung.

The first time you saw him he seemed shy, when your brother opened the door wide and declared that you had to let them use the big tv so they could have a smash bros tournament Heeseung seemed uneasy with that idea. You remember it because when you took your stuffs to leave -while rolling your eyes and giving the biggest attitude to your brother- Heeseung excused himself for disturbing you.

That is how you ended up remembering him as the polite one. Since he was the polite one, you were cool with him. You learned his name fast as he was often going to your place to do whatever teenage boys like to do and that you're not interested in. And at some point you began to chit-chat with him learning things about each other and he ended up opening to you. And it was the moment you learned who really was Heeseung.

Of course he was well behaved, his parents taught him well and they had a beautiful son. At some point Heeseung became such a regular at yours that you weren't even surprised when he walked inside your house, you recognized him when he knocked on your door - five very recognizable firm knocks spaced by several seconds each to make it dramatic - in the end he was really nice and for once you could understand what your brother saw in him, he was fun to be around, a good friend.

But this was hidding his real true identity, there is a reason why he became friend with someone like your brother, if they clicked that well it was because they were similar in some aspects.

Heeseung was popular, you would've never guessed it based on how he behaved at home but he really enjoyed it. Back then you were kind of unaware of his and your brother's popularity, unaware that the attention your brother and Heeseung gave you would soon become the worst thing to deal with ever.

At first they treated you as some sort of mascot, each time they walked past you they would scream your name, make you name the one you liked the most -nobody was surprised when you always answered Heeseung-, they forced you to walk with them to go home, dragging you around with them each time they crashed at the town's old soccer field until late.

And the rumor got spread way too easily that Beomgyu's sister was in the building and that she always spent time with his whole friendgroup, but especially with Heeseung.

Your friends found it very cool but you didn't. Older girls began to walk to you, taking you away from your friends to talk about your brother and Heeseung, always and suddenly everything began to be about them. What was Heeseung like when not at school? What was your brother's favourite tv show? Have they ever talk to you about girls? Who?

After you explicitely told them that you didn't wanted to talk about them those same girls that treated you like a friend became hostil to you, glaring at you each time your brother or Heeseung would walk past you and tease you about something casual, some even began to create sort of a competition of who is closer to the boys even if you never agreed on participating.

You hoped it would stop after they left middle school for highschool. You had a break for two years. Nobody was triggered by your interractions with them. People had nothing to add fuel to their curiosity about your relationship with Heeseung and you finally were at peace. At least at school.

At home, Heeseung began to add to your brother's bullying. They would always tease you about everything, it was armless nothing really deep but it was unwanted attention from them and you were short tempered so they just had to annoy you for the sole fact that it was easy. The main topic of their teasing being your non existent love life, while they had a list of persons waiting just to be looked at by them as long as the Burj Khalifa.

You were suddenly the bitchless loser of the house, reading about romance all the time but never being the one living it.

Then you went to highschool. And they were there.

For a whole year they made sure to drive you crazy. Encouraged by your brother, Heeseung began to call you by every pet name known to mankind, just because they saw one when they stole one of your books. Boo, sugarplum, cutie pie, darling, honey bear... you had no break. His favourite one was baby love, you almost threw up every time he called you that but it made him so happy to see your constipated face whenever he called you that in public.

On the bright side since your first middle school year you were more brave and even tho people knew something was up between you and those two, no one really went to you to ask about it, the glares remained but at least they were silent.

When they graduated and eventually went to college it stopped. Heeseung wasn't around that much anymore and he seemed to be busy. Maybe it was college that kept him from visiting or whatever but it made your life way calmer and god how much you liked that.

The few times you saw him it was brief but he never missed a chance to tease you with the pet name you couldn't escape from, baby love. It was just so stupid but it sticked. Even your own parents began to call you that and you almost became crazy.

Every time they called you that, you thought about Heeseung, cursed at him for being the reason your whole family refered to you as baby love, and more because if someone should be calling you that it should be only him. After all he was the one who made that pet name up, not the others.

When you moved to uni you knew Heeseung was majoring in sociology and that your own university was providing a sociology major, you just didn't know where he was studying but the chances for him being in the exact same university as the one you wanted was so low that you went there easy minded. When you realised that you should have asked your brother where his bestfriend studied it was already too late, he was on campus, on the first day of class, his eyes as wide as his smile.

You don't have no superpower but you knew what he was thinking, he wanted to jump on you and celebrate your reunion. But before he embarassed you in front of the whole campus you ran from him. You decided that instead of asking him to leave you, you would ignore him. But of course you can never escape forever, reality always punched you in the end, you couldn't stay away from him forever.

"Why are you even doing that?" you asked, in reality you knew he just missed teasing you and a part of you missed him too because, if he was mainly annoying he wasn't always a nuisance and sometimes you had really good conversations with him. But you were stressed out regarding a certain twitter account, but he hadn't say about it yet so you were starting to assume that maybe -just maybe- he didn't know.

"Because I caught you running away."He giggled.

You rolled your eyes, before looking back at him deadpan. "I didn't try to run away."

"Yes you did."

"Ok I did."

He laughed, easing the tension or whatever was making this situation feel somewhat heavy. You were glad because you couldn't bare the creeping hotness on your body that -you were absolutely sure- made you flush. Hopefully the dim light had your back hiding your red face from him.

You also hope the faded lights were hidding your secret glances at him. You didn't know where to look at, because looking at him seemed too much for you but there also was the fact that your eyes were just attracted to him.

You wanted to detail him, look every detail of his face, understand how he parted his hair or witness for yourself his famous bambi eyes that you avoided for so long but that you really liked in reality. It had been so long since you've seen him this close, you felt like getting back you favourite old teddy bear.

But you couldn't, the only thing you allowed yourself to look at without too much shame were his clothes, you were surprised to see that you somehow matched tonight, he was dressed in the same colors as you, that made you smile.

"Now that I caught you Y/N I had a question..."

You humed a quiet "hm" while nodding, if he wanted to kow why you escaped from him you knew that you will have no shame telling him that he was as embarassing as an intrusive parent and that if he wanted you to behave otherwise than you've been, then he had to stop the pet names and everything else, just drop the teasing.

"Do you really think that I'm breedable? And agonizingly good looking?" He finally asked, on a teasing tone pressing his lips together on a line to prevent himself from laughing at you

If he had the decence to keep his calm, you didn't. You blurted out a laugh before even thinking of restraining yourself, regaining your composure and seriousness. Kazuha...

Why would she say some mad things like that? Your eyes met his, he had let go of his stiff composure to chuckle along with you, dang, it has been a while since you last heard him laugh like that.

You ignored the weird feeling inside your chest that made you shake your leg out of anxiety and tried to get back in character. You had to make him believe it was all a joke. "I mean, it's not like you're the only man that got praised on that account."

The simplest way to survive this discussion was to just let him think that it was banal, something really not that deep and that he should be laughing about. But you were internally screaming, it had to be him, the only man you really know on campus. After that you were sure of one thing, you would never talk to him or talk about him ever anymore because of how awkward the situation was.

"Yeah but I doubt that you'll ever cross Charles Leclerc's path." His hand reaching for your knee to stop it from constantly shaking, but you had to express your stress because you weren't expecting that the man knew more than you thought about the tweets.

"Well destiny is a curious thing you see..."

"And destiny made us meet tonight, isn't that crazy?"

You chukled, destiny made you meet him at 10 and what did you get out of it? The more embarassing moment of your life? You're litteraly melting on the couch, not feeling any air coming inside your lungs. Maybe you'll die soon.

"Listen." He put his hand on your head, gently touching your hair. "We both know this is really out of character of you to do this. And I find it extremely hard to believe this is actually you behind that account..." You felt the weight of his gaze on you, he was analysing you while you were pondering what would be the best option between telling him the truth, that no it wasn't you saying all that about him, or if it would be better just to let him think that it was you because you felt bad for Kazuha.

"You're not really the one behind all this right?" His smirk was nowhere to be found. That casual demeanour of his was long forgotten, remained only the ghost of his touch on your head when he stared at you, almost worried about your answer. "This can't be the reason why you've been avoiding me, right?"

The ease you usually felt beside him disappeared instantly, adding to the feeling of embarassment, you were sure you had to tell him the truth but there was still Kazuha in your mind. She would die of embarassment if you told him the truth.

But the way Heeseung's body stiffened after he asked, as if he wanted to get reassured, to know that no, you don't have feelings for him, it made you suffocate. He wasn't being the one you knew, his usual self, so warm and teasing, no. His hand patting on your hand was so obviously meant to put you back in place, to remember who you are, his bestfriend's sister. Suddenly you realised he turned into a cold and distant person and you hated it.

You were rejected even before you had feelings, and it hurted. Your face showing an obvious frown, you swayed internally in your mind between loyalty and your ego.

You would never be able to look at your reflection in the mirror or at Kazuha if you told him the truth but you would never be able to face him ever again if he thought you had feelings for him.

"Finally I found you!" Says a just appeared out of nowhere Kazuha. Her eyes switching from you to Heeseung, probably trying to read the room.

Heeseung's eyes detached from yours, letting you breathe again as if you had been drown under water until now.

"Kazuha right?" Heeseung said while getting up. Her confused face couldn't process the fact that Heeseung knew her name, and so were you because you never told him about her. "Y/N told me a lot about you, I'm glad she has a friend like you." He smiled at her while tapping her shoulder while you couldn't refrain your eyes from rolling. "Well I'll leave you girls. Have fun?" He said with a smile before walking away to a couch full of people who must be his friends.

You felt so relieved to see him go away that your eyes began to get wet, it was too much to handle for you and your nerves were giving up, the tension was too much to handle.

"Care to give me context?"

You sighed, voice trembling "I'll tell you everything, let's just move away from here I'm suffocating."

You two traveled inside the house, searching for drinks in the kitchen before finding a cool spot by the pool. There you had to share everything with Kazuha starting from the first thing you never told her: you actually knew Heeseung personaly.

The shock on her face being evident as she slapped you when you told her that while she was fangirling over the man, you were spending afternoons with your brother and him. All that behind her back.

You had to justificate yourself for a good 5minutes for it, if you hadn't told her in the first place it was because you never expected her to end up being your bestfriend and after because you just brushed it off, yeah she was fangirling over him but it would've made her uncomfortable to know that you knew him so you just kept it to yourself.

And even tho it was hard to convince her it was for the better she ended up forgiving you for the sake of the rest of the tea. She was mad at you for not telling her but she was more curious about how you ended up trapped with him than anything else.

And by the time you told her everything about the bad school memories, the idea of ignoring him, the moment you decided to endorse the responsibility of the twitter account for her and Heeseung's sake and the whole kidnapping thing, her jaw was on the ground.

"Girl I'm jealous I want that kind of story in my life."

You chuckled "No you don't I feel terrible now! You clearly haven't seen the fear inside his eyes. If I really liked him I would've been crying ugly on the ground by now!"

She gauged you before tilting her head "Whatever, no more hiding things please I feel mortified now, I said crazy things about him."

"Yeah talking about that, when did you call him breedable?"

She smacked her hand on her mouth before laughing hysterically.

Tonight ended up being way funnier than you thought. After the confession session, you and your friend ended up dancing with some of her friends that enjoyed your company, even Yunjin (your colleague) joined you she was the one hypping you up the most.

You even forgot ever drama that happened before you tried at least), you just enjoyed your time for once and by the time you got home you realised that you did well by going to the party. For once you went out and -even tho you wouldn't go partying every night- you thought that you could do it more often.

After all the drinks were good, the house was crazy, people had some good vibes and dancing messily with people you appreciated was stress relieving. You then settled the idea that as long as Heeseung wasn't going to the party you'll seriously think about going there.

Working during the weekend isn't something you enjoy, but it's something you need. As much as your parents help you with your financial situation they can't pay the rent instead of you, you were lucky enough that they were friend with the landlord that agreed to lower the rent just for you.

You began to work to save up a year before you moved in, on your first year at uni, you found a cozy little café not so far from your place or the campus, the place is nice, the boss is very kind to you and you met two friends by working there, Yunjin and Sunoo. The first is two years older than you, she majors in psychology and the second is the same age as you, he majors in comms.

They are different but you really like them both. They are always smiling and lighting up the mood, so much that working with them doesn't feel like working at all.

"Oh my god girls you'll never guess who just ordered a mango smoothie." Whispered Sunoo walking toward youn his hand covering his mouth in shock. Your eyes met Yunjin's, trying to guess which of your unofficial celebrities just walked inside the place.

It's something that got developed without you realising it, one day you were gossiping about some clients the next they were celebrities in your eyes just because they were the subject to every small talk between you in the café.

"Is it Karl?" Said Yunjin, as the souvenir of the unkown man came back to you. You named him Karl because Sunoo sweared it suited him, he said it was because of his orange suit or something like that. And since Karl is a regular in the café and he always wears clothes with colours that are armfull to the human's eye it sticked out.

Sunoo shook his head as he moved toward the blender with the mango slices. "Better!"

You had to think hard about it, the celebrities were numerous but the ones that are better than Karl aren't that numerous since he is the main attraction of your days (you alway bet on the colour he'll wear). "Oh my god is it sponge bob?" you said, remembering the man with the big gap between his front teeth that got dumped two weeks ago because he cheated on her -now ex- wife.

The boy frantically nodded, both you and Yunjin gasped. Making sponge bob's order while discussing. All three of you agreeded that if you were dumped publicly like he was that day, you'd never show up to the cafe again.

But there he was and as Sunoo walked back to the counter to give him his drink, you and Yunjin peeked at him curious about the new girl he was bringing today that Sunoo told you about. She seemed way younger than him -you all assumed that bob was about 50 years old- and the girl couldn't speak english at all.

Sunoo small talked with sponge bob, trying to look friendly when in reality he was trying to know what was their relationship, while in the back you and Yunjin were speculating about them.

Sunoo greeted them one last time before both clients left the café with their orders, leaving the place empty with just you three inside. Sunoo turned back toward you before he exploded in laughter.

"What? What is it?" asks Yunjin, eager to know what was so funny and so were you.

Sunoo barely could stop his laughter. "I asked him if she was his daughter because well..."

"Yeah she seemed about our age..." You said, cleaning what Sunoo used to make bob's order, waiting for him to answer.

"Well in fact she is his wife apparenty."

The loud gasps you and Yujin let out after this shaking revealation made Sunoo's laughs resumed with renewed vigour. It's not without being interrupted by giggles and disgusted faces that you learned that sponge bob and his new girl got married after they met at work which was weird because he was married to a white women two weeks ago.

And you discussed the matter for a long time, examinating the matter for long minutes and turn by turn making up stories before you came with a conclusion.

"Met at work and got married? That's exactly what I would've said if I bought someone!" You blurted out, causing another erruption of laughter inside the café, all three of you folding because of the intensity of your hysterical laughter, leaning on whatever was near not to fall.

"Who bought someone?"

You all turned in shock that you didn't even heard the person standing behind the counter entering (before Yunjin exploded once again, not controling herself for a bit).

Heeseung.

Sunoo squeezed his lips together, trying to appear normal in front of the client while you felt like you were melting just like a Mii in tomodachi life after you gave it something it hated to eat.

You had been avoiding Heeseung like a madman since the party incident. You never gave him an answer and you were persuaded he believed that you were the one behind this accout and the idea of it was unbearable.

What was even worse than him thinking you were his fangirl was the souvenir of his tensed cold figure beside you that night, you swore that nobody would ever see you in that position again no matter what it cost.

Only a few days went by but the change was there, wherever you went you were extra careful about who was there and if by misfortune Heeseung happened to be there you ran away before anyone could lay an eye on you.

But there he was, in front of you, in the café you worked at. You shoot a quick glance at your laughing friends whose demeanure was crumbling, Yunjin lauging on the ground with tears droping from her eyes and Sunoo visibly shaking because of his giggles, hidding behind his hands.

You were the only one able to take an order and you hated sponge bob for it, if he never bought that woman you wouldn't have to talk to him.

"I'm sorry you heard that..." You calmly excused yourself, setting behind the register in full work mode.

Heeseung smiled at you, it had you wonder if the cold man from the party was really him because how could someone act so unbothered after being so distant. Still there was something uncomfortable in the air. "No it's funny don't worry. Just remind me to never walk here accompanied by a foreign woman."

You snorted, your muscles loosening a bit. "What can I get for you?" you gave him your best commercial smile, looking up at him only to meet his warm gaze on you.

"Do you only do take outs?"

"What would be these tables for if we did?" you couldn't help being sarcastic, showing him the whole room where chairs and tables had been carefully disposed and settled for customers.

Heeseung snorted at his own question, understanding how stupid he sounded. Somehow these few words exchanged eased off the odd energy between you. Sunoo and Yunjin weren't laughing anymore, or you couldn't hear them, seeing that Heeseung was looking at the menu you turned around just to be sure your colleages weren't dead because of how funny you were but thankfully they were still there, regaining their composure by drinking water and drying the joy tears on their cheeks.

When you turned back toward Heeseung he wasn't alone anymore, three more boys were there, probably his friends, the only one you seemed to recognize was Jake, he was Sunoo's senior and according to your friend he was the personification of the golden retriever man. You assumed the other two were in the same major as Heeseung since you could recall one time or two when you had caught a sight of them when stalking Heeseung with Kazuha.

You were ready to work and take their orders when you saw the face of one of the two you couldn't name change in surprised before he pointed a finger at you -very polite thanks- his mouth taking an O shape.

"Hey isn't that the girl from that Twitter account?" The man asked as if you weren't just in front of him.

"Oh my god no way! Heeseung you finally meet your fan!" Jake exclaimed, giggling as if it was the funniest thing on earth when it really wasn't. You had to fight your innerself not to jump at him and force him to take back what he said. Fortunately for your job's sake you didn't, keeping a straight posture while your eyes drifted slowly to Heeseung's uneasy face.

This is so humiliating.

"Been knowing her for a while actually." he let out between fake giggles.

"Wait seriously?" His friends turned toward him with wide eyes, as if they made the discovery of the year.

And there you remained, unmoving behind the counter, ready to just do your job with a constipated smile plastered on your face while they talked about you like you weren't just there in front of them.

"Yeah we've been friends since forever basically, right Y/N?"

Was he trying to clear your relationship by saying this? You had no idea, what you were sure however is that it was the last time you had to endure that, next time -if there is a next time- you'll just cuss them out, all of them, including Heeseung, and then you'll just move out of the country just to be sure you'll never have to deal with them again.

"Yup." Agreeing is the only thing you can do right now because you somehow feel trapped by all thoses eyes on you, even worse when one of these googly pairs are Heeseung's.

His lips curled up a bit more but you barely noticed it, you're mad at the man right now.

Thankfully for you, god felt your pain and soon after they ordered and went to sit at one of the tables far from the counter. It seemed they were about to spend a fair amount of time in the café because as soon as they sat down you saw them take out books computers and pens. They were having a studying session at your work place and you just hated it.

"You good?" asked Sunoo in a low tone while you were cleaning.

You side eyed him, displaying all the anger bottled up inside of you because you were incapable of lying to him about your mood. It made him snort a laugh before he peeked at the four men sitting across the room by the window. "It's not like he is the only man you praised..." mumbled Sunoo.

"Right?! Why are they even mentioning it?" added Yunjin visibly as pissed as you about the interaction you had with the men. You were glad they were on your side and not judging (at least not in front of you).

You like how after that they changed the topic, not asking further questions about your relation with Heeseung or the Twitter account. They never did. When it was announced that you were the crazy fangirl they straight comforted you, asked if you were okay and basically helped you not to die of embarrassment.

When the boys left they all waved at you good bye claiming the place was really good and that they would be coming back soon but you hoped they were lying because if it meant having to deal with their insufferable giggles and glances then you'll just jump from you window tonight.

Only Heeseung gave you a tight smile to which you didn't answer, you were too pissed anyway, you know you are responsible for the situation and he doesn't like the idea of you liking him -you don't like it yourself- but it doesn't mean he can let his friends just embarass yourself like they did.

You'll always be thankfull to your friends for their help to just make you forget your worries because this night, after work Sunoo offered ice cream for the three of you, you had another great laughing session about sponge bob between times where they tried to poison you with their attrocious mint choco ice creams.

They even walked you home and it was the sweetest thing ever, but once you were alone in your appartment you couldn't refrain your rage anymore, you took your phone and just spammed Kazuha with bad words about Heeseung, telling her that she shouldn't have a crush on an asshole like him.

The following days were strange, you usually don't see Heeseung so often on campus but it seemed that things move fast. From seeing him whenever Kazuha asked you to take a detour just to catch a glance of him, you began to see him everywhere, at the library, near your favourite restaurant or even at the park near your place, he was everywhere. 

Making eye contact with him was always brief and awkward, you aknowledged each other's presence but never did anything further than that, probably to create more space between you, to deepen the gap between you. You would've never imagined things turning that way with Heeseung but here you were.

People still stared at you when you walked down the hallways of university, their loud whispers coming to your ears was unbearable and if it wasn't for Kazuha's AirPods you would've probably ripped your ears from your head several times.

You spent so much time planning your peaceful uni-life and it got snatched from you with just a little lie to protect your friend's reputation. You talked about the issue a lot with Kazuha and Sunoo, because yes you ended up telling Sunoo all about it, Kazuha did. You told her that the fewest people knowing about the truth was the better for her but she insisted in telling him because according to her, getting an outsider's point of view was the best.

When he learned the truth Sunoo immediately called you stupid for ruining your own peace like that (which wasn't really helpful but true), soon after you began talking about ways to make people shutting their mouths about you and the twitter account, disappearing was apparently not an option even tho it was the best one in your opinion.

You debated about it for a long long night at yours when they came with their brightest stupidest idea: you had to start dating someone so people will understand that you moved on from Heeseung.

Easier said than done. You loved the idea of love, so finding a partner like that in a hurry and hang out with just some guy whom wasn't making you act stupid because of the attraction was just a no to you.

You deserved the whole meet cute thing, you wanted the magic feelings those that send butterflies inside your stomach, make your legs weak and your tongue dumb.

But you had no choice, Kazuha and Sunoo did the most disgusting thing you could ever think about, they signed you up on a dating app. You hated it, really, so much that they were the ones doing the swapping, finding the perfect bachelor for you and once they did they spent the rest of the pajama party texting him, trying to get you a date. And they succeeded.

That's how you ended up at a fancy Italian restaurant even tho you craved Mexican food, you've been asking to fill your stomach with enchiladas for two weeks but still they choose to send you eat pastas. No offences, you love Italian food, every Italian dish is a masterpiece, but you were hoping to eat something else than an overpriced bruschetta.

The man in front of you wasn't bad looking, if you were 100% honest he had good facial features, he seemed nice, tried to engage the conversation as much as he could and everything, but you couldn't get into it. No matter how hard you tried you couldn't help but feel drained by this date, your first date ever.

You hated it, because this wasn't what you planned inside your head. Your first date was supposed to be with someone you felt connected to, not just some random guy your friends forced you to hang out with for the sake of your tranquillity, claiming that you would click well with him. It was impossible for you to see him as a partner, you felt nothing, as usual.

The coversation was flowing but mainly because he was the one making the talking, not you. You were kind of just there, wondering why you ended up here, paying attention to what he said just enough so it feels like you're involved, that was until he told you he had other options but decided to hang out with you.

Were you supposed to thank him for his generosity? At this point you figured out that tonight would be terrible and you prefered being laughed at until the end of your time in uni than live something like that ever again.

This must be why people always say to never lower your standards, because if you did you'll be disappointed as hell and end up wishing to spend the rest of your life with cats and not men just like you were while leaving the restaurant.

In front of the place your date stopped before you, showing you every single teeth inside his mouth with how wide his mouth was open. Maybe he wasn't showing that much of what was inside your mouth, maybe you just over analized everything he did, maybe because he wasn't giving you thrills all over your body just by looking at you, you were growing less and less into him, maybe yes, but anyway everything he did was giving you the ick.

By the end of dinner you thought you could escape from the man but you couldn't, Kazuha and Sunoo planned carefully the date and right after you left the restaurant your date drove you both to a party because you apparently said you wanted to dance with him, you cursed at Kazuha and Sunoo for that line, a hundred, no a thousand times because you really hate the idea of dancing with that guy.

When you arrived at the party you fell trapped, you knew nobody, absolutely no one. He was studying in the same uni as you but he was from the other side of the campus, the side you were avoiding. He dabbed up a lot of person, you following him like a lost puppy -or more like a sad stuffed toy dragged around by its owner- while he introduced you to his friends as his date and gosh you hated that, couldn't he say your name instead of deshumanizing you the way he did?

After he greeted the entirety of the people in the small appartment, he let you plop down beside him on a couch, his arm casually landing on your shoulders making you gasp.

This isn't a trap, this is a kidnapping, this is torture, you needed to puke, or to breath, or to get drunk, maybe everything at once? No that'll be too embarassing, there is too many people around and the last thing you want is another label on your name along with the "crazy twitter fangirl".

"Can you get me something to drink?" You asked instead of embarassing yourself.

He smiled at you, something snarky behind his smirk that you decided to brush off because if you dig deeper you're scared you'll be labeled as a hysterical girl as well. He agreed, leaving you alone on the couch and you were so glad he did.

While he was gone you felt the fresh air filling your lungs, you saw the charm of the appartment and even appreciated the music. People were dancing and laughing. Maybe you would find Yunjin here, she loves thoses parties it wouldn't be out of character for her to be here.

Your eyes landed on a small group of people dancing, searching for your friend amongst them, when you felt the couch sinking beside you. You looked over your shoulder, ready to see your date but to your biggest surprise you didn't see him but Jake, Heeseung's friend, giving you a bright smile as if he was the happiest person on earth just because he saw you.

He dabbed you up, and you didn't move, letting him do so without figuring what was happening at all, you're not close with him so there is no reason for him to act that way. "Didn't know you would be here!" He happily said loud enough for you to hear him.

"Yeah it kind of happened..." you nodded mechanically, not really sure if you should talk to him as a friend or as the jerk that humiliated you a few days before at your work place.

His lips never went down, he kept staring at you with that same weird smile of his but it was actually better than having your date beside you so you just decided not to make him leave, maybe he will left by his own initiative...

"Hey Heeseung told us about the Twitter thing, sorry for last time, I was rude." He ended up saying, a bit embarassed.

You sighed, of course he brought that up. At least he excused himself and...

"He did what?" You asked, genuinely curious about it because Heeseung does not know anything about the truth behind your supposed Twitter account.

Still acting shy, Jake rubbed the back of his neck with one hand as if to get the awkwardness away. "Well he told us how you just made those posts to tease him but it leaked..."

This isn't what happened at all. It was sooo far from the truth that you even snorted out a laugh, Heeseung wanted to chase away the idea of you just crushing on him so bad that he lied. Is it so shamefull to have you having a crush on him? Like what is so wrong with you that he has to tell his friends a lie that would make you not crushing on him? "Did he tell a lot of person?"

The boy beside you pursed his lips, thinking about it. "Just us and people who run their mouth about it..."

You nodded absent-mindedly, at least he found you an excuse for people to stop thinking you were his fan. It hurted to know that he found you so not deserving to be on the list of girls that once had a crush on him that he lied, but you had to see it on the bright side, you now have an excuse, and this is actually way better than going on a date with someone you're not even a bit interested in.

"You know I'm actually disappointed." The aussie accent took you away from your thoughts before you could sink in them, you gave him an unsure look, tilting your head in confusion. Why would he be disappointed? Seeing how you absolutely didn't understood why he said that, the look on his face changed to a more amused one. "I ship you both."

"You what now?" You blurted out, almost offended by what he just said. Heeseung may be a beautifull man that can be nice from time to time, it doesn't erase the fact that he is one of the biggest opps in your life.

Jake had to hide his smile behind his hand because of how hard he began to laugh, soon you joined him, laughing as well.

"Don't laugh!" He said, pushing your shoulder.

"Sorry but it sounds so ridiculous!" You giggled, brushing off the idea of being in a relationship with Heeseung by waving your hand.

"It's not tho!" Jake retorted, seemingly comitted to the idea. "Like it could be like one of those cheesy romcom you know!"

But you knew the romcom better than he could, there was no way something like this would make a good plot. 

Like come on, the brother's bestfriend is such a basic plot seen again and again, and this one would lead nowhere, like none of you is attracted to the other, your chemistry is crumbling due to the Twitter situation and you already know that next time you'll see Heeseung face to face you'll probably die of embarassment. "You should go see him! How come you never talked to each other on campus despite being chilhood friends?"

You snorted, looking at the ceiling, yeah Heeseung told him that you knew each other really well, you almost forgot it. Then your eyes landed back on the man beside you, waiting for anything that would come out of your mouth. "When people know I know him they harass me to help them getting closer to him. I wanted to be free for once."

Jake's mouth took an O shape as he nodded, he was understanding your point. "So you were jealous that other girls wanted him?"

He did not understood your point. You shook your head, taken aback by his remark as you breathed out a chuckle. You were about to say something back to this weird australian by your side when your date came back, he basically chased Jake away to take back his spot next to you before giving you one of the cups he had in hands. 

Jake's eyebrows went strangely high when he realized you weren't exactly alone, you had a man by your side tonight, realizing your situation he didn't argue and left right away, excusing himself after dabbing you up as a goodbye.

After Jake left, your date didn't ask about him, he just went back to your date and came back along with him the stifling air of his presence beside you, Jake wasn't a welcomed guest but he ended up being fun at least. Your date on the other hand just seemed to slowly make you lose your temper, leading you to crazyness.

Your disappointed eyes followed Jake's motion as he walked away from you to get to a small group of boys, that's when you realised amongst this group was Heeseung, sat on a high chair on his own. He was already looking at you with the pout he always had on his face when he didn't like something.

His eyes drifted away from you when Jake told him something, making Heeseung frown and turning his back to you. Wrinkles slowly drawing on your face because why the hell would he act like that after seeing you? He could at least wave at you?

Blinking once, your eyes drifted on Jake who, with a boyish smile, gestured to show you Heeseung, as if to remember you what he said.

He ships you with Heeseung.

You shook your head, hiding your growing smile with your hand to him and your date.

What a stupid nonsense night.

You expected your social batteries to run low before your date decided it was time to leave, but your tried your best to be nice with him, dancing with him even if it was the last thing you wanted, feeling his touch on your hips was too much to handle but you still said nothing. You were so brave but couldn't grow the balls to tell him you wanted to go home so at some point you decided to just sat down on a couch, telling him that you were tired, and hoping for nobody to look your way.

If only things were that simple, your date followed you, he stayed by your side and talked again. You were so tired of everything that  you couldn't pretend anymore, you were silent, way more than before, only answering him by smiling or nodding to keep things polite because if you listened to the voice inside your head, you would've yelled at him to leave you alone.

At some point you decided to ask him to get you something to drink just so you could chill out and relax. As soon as he left, you massaged your temples, the music made your growing headache unbearable and you hated you for agreeing to that stupid date thing.

"Come on Y/N let's go home."

You turned around, eyebrows frowned when you saw Heeseung standing near you, offering you his hand.

"I can't I'm with someone." You brushed off the idea, your hand still. You might be desperate to leave you're still well educated.

Heeseung rolled his eyes, looking around, his hand stil standing between you. You didn't understand that it wasn't an offer you could turn down until you felt his hand grabbing your wrist pulling you closer to him. "Let's say goodbye and leave then."

If you weren't so drained maybe you would've fought back to stay but you weren't in a state to fight, all you wanted was to find back the peace of your quiet home. Heeseung dragged you around to the kitchen where you met your date, he looked surprised when he saw you with Heeseung and even more when he noticed the hold of his hand on your wrist.

"She's tired, I'll get her home." Heeseung said before leaving right away, your date couldn't even say anything back, he just stared as Heeseung dragged you out of the party.

The fresh night air brushed your cheeks and suddenly you could breath again. The music wasn't destroying your brain anymore and you already felt the goods of leaving the party. Heeseung opened his car for you to get inside and you did without a word, the car's seat was comfortable, so much that you knew you could've slept on the spot.

"Ready?" Heeeung asked, his face relaxed compared to when he was inside the party but still holding on an incomfortable frown on his eyebrow. He handed you his phone for you to enter your adress and when everything was ready, you left, the engine's sound lulling you.

"Who was the guy?" he asked casually.

"My date..." You answered, closing your eyes with how sleepy you were slowly getting.

Heeseung snorted, something between annoyance and amusement. "Yeah I figured out with the way you smiled at him..." you smiled? You barely could endure the man's presence how could you smile? You opened an eye, lazily looking at the man in the driver seat with his eyes fixed on the road.

The darkness gave him a mysterious look, he looked cool, as if you were in a movie, the street lights hitting his face in angles that made his face even more ethereal.  "Not like you can't date or anything but...." He stopped talking for a second, shooting a glance in your direction, almost catching you admiring him.

"Like..." His eyes drifted away, too bad you closed your eyes, if not maybe you would've seen the nervousness on his face or the blush slowly covering his ears. "Weren't you supposed to have a crush on me? And knowing how you're never interested in nobody I'm just surprised that you know... you're interested by him as well."

You sighed a laugh, he addressed the elephant in the room and only with the sound of his voice, the uncertainty in it, you could feel the awkwardness of the man.

He hated that situation even more than you.

But right now, with how he brought it up just because of your date, if you didn't know he was giving everything to get you out of your supposed crush for him you could think that he is jealous. "He is good looking..."

"Right..." He sounded off, but everything sounds off ever since he learned about the twitter account. You hope that he'll stop thinking that you crush on him even tho he isn't stupid and probably know it's a desperate attempt to close mouths around.

The car stands in an awkward silence for a bit, with your eyes squinted you steal glances at him, he looks uneasy and you hate it.

Then you think about it, the lie he told his friends, the same lie that Jake told you about during the party.

"By the way Jake told me something, did you lie to your friends?" You had to ask because you couldn't not think about it, you were offended that he had to lie to take the idea of you cruhing on him far from him, but in some ways Heeseung was helping you getting away from the weird treatment people were giving you.

You had to hear him confirm it, confirm that he did that to help you and maybe ease his mind too. He deserved it at least.

"Yeah I saw how embarassed you were last time. And that way people can shut their mouths about it..." The explanations made sense but most of all they comforted you. He wasn't doing it only to get rid of you but also to help you.

"I figured people knowing we are friend was better than them bullying you because of your crush on me."

Maybe you overdid it when you decided to completely ignore him after you learned that you were in the same university.

You should've treated him as a friend at least because that's what you were, maybe it changed, maybe not because in the end, even with these unspoken words about the mess you're trapped into, you were still feeling at ease with him beside you.

You should be avoiding the subject of the Twitter account around him, you should be embarassed but you still feel the need to clean the air, make things less awkward for good.

"Thank you." You said, meeting his gaze in the rearview mirror.

The corners of his lips faintly lifted in satisfaction."You're welcome."

Silence settled back, still not easy or comfortable. His fingers were brushing the wheel nervously, his pointing fingers tapping on it to the rythm of the song playing inside the car. The weeknd had been one of his favourite artists for a while but he didn't seem to enjoy it right now, like he had too many things on his mind.

"What was your first thought when you saw that account?"

He turned his face toward you for a second, probably thinking wether he should lie or not, but you really hope he won't. The only thing you have in mind after asking it is to get things back to normal, or at least to a more casual status where both of you can live without dying of embarassment.

"I won't lie I was..." He started, his lips pressed in a thin line as he was searching for his words. "I was surprised, it's not everyday that I get called agonyzingly handsome." You feel the hint of a joke in his tone, and you really hope youre not misinterpreting things.

"Then I was shocked to know it was you, I never figured you out of all people would have that kind of account..." he sighs, probably hoping that the memory of you being the owner of the account would die with it. "But at least it wasn't someone I didn't know taking pictures of me while hiding in the campus bushes."

You're watching at you hands, you don't know hat you should be the more uncomfortable about, you were openly lying to him pretending you were the owner but just like you thought, the fact that it was you made it a little more acceptable for him. "I never wanted you to feel embarassed."

He shoots a glance at you, a reassuring smile on his lips. "I know, but to be frank my spot isn't the worst, I kind of feel bad for you now. I know you hate unwanted attention."

"Yeah..." You sighed while remembering how the past weeks have been for you, full of weirdness, awkward walks around campus and stares.

Silence lingers in the air a bit longer, both of you unable to say that talking about the issue is really making it easier for you. You've always heard "communication is key" but it's only now that you realise how rigth it is.

Now the air feels lighter in the car, you could even swear that Heeseung's frown had disappeared completly. It just needs a little something to be perfect. And that little thing you got it immediately, snapping your head toward him with a determined face.

 "But just so you know, I don't think about you before I get in bed."

He bursts out a laugh, probably surprised that you just said it like that, but it's exactlt what you wanted, breaking the ice for good, having him laughing about it with you, realising that it's not very deep and things finally going back to normal.

"You don't?" He said back, his teasing smile was finally back, the one he whore while he made fun of you. You would've never guessed that you'd miss it that much, but it felt like your whole body was happy when you spotted it.

"You're good looking but you'll never have that spot Lee I'm sorry."

He shakes his head in fake disappointment "But out of all the men you posted about I'm the only one you know in real life."

"Yeah but I think we're good as friend."

This is it, the moment when you're back as the Y/N he knows. You see his innerpeace being back for good after you rejected the idea of a "you plus him" happenning right in front of him, you renounced the idea for good and maybe it had always been that simple.

He rejected you without you being in love with him and you rejected him without him having feelings for you.

"Yeah?" His eyes drifted toward yours, as if to seek for your sincere disaproval of whatever he thought you wanted.

"Absolutely."

"So..." Heeseung's sweet voice took you from your thoughts. "We cool now?"

There wasn't anything to hold grudges about after all, yeah he despises the idea of you having a crush on him but you don't have one, and you did enough by ghosting him from your life during the past years, you have to be cool with him, you owe him that at least for causing him so much trouble. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"Then let's have some beers yeah?"

Taglist: @sumzysworld

[xramyeonz]

I know it’s been a while since I posted the trailer and I still haven’t posted the full story… I’m sorry don’t blame me I got carried away and wrote too many versions of it because I keep thinking about other scenarios😔

I just set my mind on one of those and am still in the process of writing the end. I cut the whole thing into two parts idk if I should post the first part (that is ready) now or if I wait to finish the other(s?)

I blame my star sign for the long wait (I’m a Libra aren’t we known for being indecisive?)

CRUSH - lhs TEASER

Pairing: Lee Heeseung x freader

Genre: fluff?; slow burn?

Word count: teaser is around 5k (yeah it’s a lot)

Warnings: yn has never been in love, Heeseung is yn’s brother’s bestfriend, mention of other idols, pet name that’ll make you throw up, English isn’t my first language sorry for every mistakes made I’m still working on it

Full story will be out before the world ends (hopefully)

Never being in a relationship may have fucked up your perception of love. You were born a hopeless romantic, as far as you can remember you have always been waiting for that day where you would fall in love and never let go of this person. You really wished it happened but years passed and still there was no one. You debilerately didn't date at first because no matter how much pressure your friends used to put on you during your school days there was no way you had a boyfriend at the ripe age of 8 (that and also Adam was really bad looking). Anyway at 8 you weren't interested in having a wedding during play time with some guys you were sure you would be ashamed of later.

When you hit middle school you were still reluctant of this idea, it's hard for a teenage girl to grow properly if she has to deal with a man. And guys are so annoying at 14 years old, let alone how bad looking they are, no it wasn't for you. At 14 guys were discovering sex and they would have made you like some kind of slut anyway so there was no way.

During highschool you weren't against experiencing love, at this point you had seen "to all the boys I loved before" and you were secretly wishing Peter Kavinsky would find you somehow (the Peter from the first movie not the one that wasn't waiting for Lara Jean in the hot tub duh). You were only disapointed when you realised boys were still not to your liking, and still annoying, and Peter Kavinsky wasn't real. But also, they weren't looking at you. To be honest you were never the center of everybody's attention but you weren't left aside that much. But highschool turned things, you never realised how much more beautiful your friends were until the moment it hit you. Guys were all over them while no one looked back at you, not that you would have looked their way, but still you realised that maybe, guys found you ugly.

And this is how you ended up still lonely, unloved and virgin at 23 years old. Sure 23 isn't old, you're still so young, but every time you tell someone that no, you had never been in a relationship, no you were never in a situationship, no you never reached the "talking stage" with anybody, they always hit you with the "No way you're lying" or "You're not missing out on anything don't worry love only hurts" and even worse "You'll see, love will come when you least expect it" as if you were expecting anything anymore. Like your bestfriend would always say, you're the ultimate virgin: no kiss, no hook ups, no relationship, not even a crush (celebrity crush doesn't count since they are out of reach anyway).

Howeber being born a hopeless romantic you had to somehow fill the empty void in your heart, that's how you ended up watching rom-coms, romance anime, all sort of drama, your favourite songs were all about love, you began to read romance books, manhwas, romance mangas, and the devil itself: fanfictions. You were something like 13 when you discovered wattpad and fanfictions, you couldn't believe what you discovered that night. You had to put an all nighter to process everything, it was like the pandora box, there was so many love stories for free, you rushed to read as many as possible, always waiting for updates to your favourite stories. This is how you discovered what they called lemons at first, the smut, you would've never imagined that at 23 you were still reading about it and still wonder how it really is.

This made you who you are today, the quiet single girl, reading things on her phone. Everybody around you knew how single you felt inside, claiming either that you would end up alone anyway and that no man deserves you or even that you're still single because it meant that you would end up with the sexiest, prettiest, loveliest, richest most perfect man on earth (stay delulu).

And you think about your prolonged celibacy when you see two person kissing right in front of you while you're waiting in line to get cookies for you and your bestfriend, and with Juno by Sabrina Carpenter playing on the background you swear that if those two motherfuckers in front of you don't separate asap you'll start throwing hands.

"Stop hating on them I can see the daggers your eyes are throwing." Kazuha said, walking toward you.

You sighed, "I can't take it anymore, one more couple and I'll just kill myself." You mimicked beheading yourself with your thumb as if it was a knife.

"It's the campus couple's dating place, what were you expecting?" She whislted a laugh, replacing her hair behind her ears while looking at her phone. She was right, what exactly were you expecting, it's always like that, people are always eating each other's face as if they wished to swallow the other one right in front of you. No you're not jealous, you just wish they were more considerate of other people around them.

You practically ran back to your class after eating outside just to be back in the anxiety of university courses, what a delight. Kazuha followed you, amused and just plopped on the sit next to you, the auditorium wasn't full, you still had time before the beggining of the next lecture and Kazuha took advantage of it to show you all her campus crush's pictures. He is known among every student for being one of the hotest boys on campus. There was a day when you and Kazuha were trying to find a vending machine and you randomly crossed his path, it was the day Kazuha developped sort of a crush on him after he smilled in your direction.

By sort of a crush what you really mean is that she began to call him her husband everyday and sending you pictures of him on her secret twitter account. You don't know where she got all those thirst traps of him but there sure is a lot and you can't deny the fact that he is good looking. What you find weird is the fangirling, she doesn't know him, has never heard him talking or do anything else than walking on campus or posing on those pictures? The only thing she knows is that his name is Lee Heeseung, he is 2 years older than you, he majors in sociology, he likes playing basketball and he is popular for his doe eyes.

But for her knowing that little about him is making all this "campus crush" thing funnier as she says. She treats it like a celebrity crush, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with him but she enjoys the view of him and the excitment whenever she sees him on the other side of the road. Sometimes she forces you to follow her, making a detour just to cross his path and giggle when she realised that you walked right in front of him, always claiming that she sweared he looked at you or that he seemed geniunely curious about you.

No matter how awkward it was you had to cope with that crush thing, you were the only follower to that secret twitter account she had and where she posted all of her crushes, from Lee Heeseung to Zayn Malik, each time she came across a picture of one of her crushes she just had to tweet about it, and to be honest it was really funny to witness, every off putting comment about how she could die for the man on the picture or how she deserves to be their wife made you laugh, some innocent freakyness never hurt anyone.

"Oh you should take a look to the last picture Carlos Sainz posted on his instagram he looks sooo yu-"

"What the-" You suddenly heard the group of girls on the row in front of you laughing louder, cutting Kazuha's fangirling session. They all turned toward you two, eyes wide on shock and mouth covered by their hands as they where giggling and whispering to each others. You shoot a glance at Kazuha who wasn't understanding either what was their problem. You knew those girls, two were Kazuha's roommates, they weren't close friends but they got allong well so such weird behaviour was really surprising coming from them. After a minute of incomprehension, one of Kazuha's roommate turned around with her phone in hand. "Kazuha is that you?" She handed you the phone and you gasped in shock, a shock that was nothing compared to the terror in Kazuha's eyes. Automatically her eyes found yours, it was unthinkable but her secret account had been discovered. The tweet Yuna was showing you was one of the numerous pictures of Heeseung where Kazuha commented "looking so fine and for what?".

Everybody's eyes inside the auditorium was on you, regardless if they heard what was happening or not, if they knew what was happening or not, everybody had their eyes on you and Kazuha who probably wished to disappear right away.

"W-well I-" she stutters, searching for something to say just to make this whole thing less embarassing but it was too hard to witness. You've never seen Kazuha so embarassed before, you could only guess what was going through her head. These four girls knew who Heeseung was. You were already imagining Kazuha's distress when she would just be inside her dorm whith her roommates also there, just talking about how Kazuha was a weird fangirl.

"It's not hers it's mine." You blurted out without even thinking.

All eyes shifted to you, the shock on their faces only growing because everybody knew you as the no boyfriend girl. Even you were shocked about what you just did, you sacrificed your whole social life in order to protect Kazuha's reputation. This whole discreet attitude, you always did your best not to attract unwanted attention, all this work was long forgotten now. Kazuha snapped her head toward you, the fear inside her eyes was now mixed with incomprehension. Why would you even do that?

You were already regretting that dumb decision your stupid mouth made by itself. Now you were just mentally preparing yourself for the worse time of your life, far ahead of the day you had your wisdom teeth removed.

"So you have a crush on him?" You saw one of the girls ask and you knew she had something in mind while asking that. The mission was clear right now, you had to limit the damage, by all cost.

The thought of it made no sense to you, no you couldn't possibly have just a slight crush for him. But for Kazuha's sake you had to put on the act of your life. "He is good looking, is it that shocking?" the nonchalance in your tone was crazy, somebody give you an oscar right now because you're giving the act of your whole life.

But after all you didn't lie, you found the man good looking.

"No it's just that... I wasn't expecting you out of all people to have such account..."

As you were about to answer, the teacher came in and started the lecture right away switching everybody's attention to whatever he was saying, even tho you still saw the girls stealing glances in your direction. This was incomparable to the day you got your wisdom teeth removed, it was way less painful back then.

"Thank you..." Kazuha whispered, making you sigh.

"You owe me for your whole life now girl..."

By the end of the week you knew everybody knew about your secret fan girl twitter account, you were suddenly the centre of everybody's attention, people shooting glances at you every now and then. After the incident, you made sure with Kazuha that she DELETED that stupid account before even more damages were made (even if you deeply knew it was too late). You were suddenly glad that you weren't in the same major Heeseung was in, at least you would not be running into him randomly. There was still a very thin chance that he would never hear about that fangirl account or something and this is quite litteraly what you were wishing for.

You had to wait for a week before you stopped hearing whispers whenever you walked by (it's hard to think that you're in university and not highshcool with how people reacted to this whole drama...) the storm was now behind you (or so you like to think), you just had to go ahead, and by going ahead you really meant anywhere but near the sociology major zone, out of fear that you'll run into Heeseung. That's why when Kazuha asked you to go to a party you refused, knowing that it's always one of Heeseung's friends throwing parties, and you weren't taking that risk.

But of course you never refuse anything to Kazuha, it's just how you show your love to your friends -even though sometimes you wish your love language would've been words of affirmations and not give in to whatever your friends want- and one thing lead to another you were ready, in front of the house where the party was being held. It was the -huge- house of one of the guys in the same major as Heeseung, but Kazuha swore to you that he wasn't going to be at the party because he was busy, it was Kazuha's roomate that told her that and (it helped Kazuha getting what she wanted: you going to the party). The sight of the house left you wordless because you weren't aware at all that someone that rich would be studying in the same university as you.

The house was so impressive it got you stuck in front of the doorway, staring at it while considering if you were dressed well enough just to step inside and the answer obviously was no. You were just wearing a cargo pant with a crop top and a leather jacket, of course you weren't wearing someting good enough for the house.

"I can't..." you said to yourself, turning around. It didn't matter that you just texted Kazuha to say that you arrived, you were ready to run back to your place and you really would've done it if it wasn't for the man you bumped into.

"Are you running away?" A soft chuckle leaving his lips as you shifted your gaze to his face, only for you to recognize Lee Heeseung.

The first thing you thought about was the LIE Kazuha had told you, the man was right in front of you in the flesh. For a "too busy to be here" man he seemed very present, relaxed and free.

It was far from your first time seeing him this close but for a second your breath was cut, your body stiffening as if you were caught red handed doing something bad. Either it's the shame of getting caught chickening out of a party, the guilt of knowing that you -kind of- stalked him for the past year because of your best friend, or the overwhelming embarasment of the possibilty of him knowing that you were the one managing a fangirl account of him even if it isn't really you...

You quickly tried to regain composure from the built embarassement inside of you before answering him with some poorly faked nonchalance, wondering where your acting skills had gone "I just don't feel like going anymore, I think I'm sick or-"

His laugh echoing in your ears and his hand on your lower back stopped you from talking. He used his unexpected grab on you to turn you around with one hand on your shoulder, the other still well placed on your lower back. You then felt him leaning toward you and the heat of his breath dying close to your ear as he told you: "C'mon let's have fun inside."

You gasped.

The man didn't give you a single chance to escape, he was pushing you toward the doorway no matter that you gave him a desperate look or that you shook your head, he seemed determined to take you to that party. If it was somebody else you would have taken their hands away from you an maybe you would've even scream at them, but there was something with Heeseung that stopped you from doing so, a supernatural force that just broke your ability to talk and disconnected your legs from your brain leaving them on auto-pilot, forcing you to follow Heeseung's lead.

As he pushed you inside, you realised that being impressed of the doorway was stupid, you should've guessed that the inside would be worse. The entry was huge, so was the garden and the pool inside of it. There was people everywhere, music blasting (not that you just discovered it, you just didn't pay attention to it when you were in front of the house), even the lights were set in a cool way, there was colorful neon around the place maybe to give a more partyish vibe and it worked just fine because for an instant you thought you were at a fancy party that Jackson Wang hosted like in every single fanfiction.

After a few seconds of being impresed by the place, you realised that Heeseung's hands weren't on you anymore, taking it as your sign to finally run away from here but the man was still paying attention to you and once again stopped your from running away.

"Stop holding me hostage and let me go home please." You pleaded, both your hands joined in prayer sign with the best doe eyes you were capable of.

He lifted the hand that wasn't busy keeping you from escaping the party and moved his pointing finger from left to right, shaking his head along to say no, he wasn't letting you go home.

You sighed in defeat, maybe this was the universe's way to tell you that you had to stay here, and at least you'll have some tea to spill when you'll fid Kazuha amongst the crowd of the party. You'll tell her how her campus crush hold you hostage and made you move around inside the house with his arm resting around your shoulders- When did he put his arm on your shoulders?- Once again your body was moving alone, following Heeseung inside the house, toward the living room where his friend group was settled. When you realised the arm on your shoulders you pushed it gently, you were uncomfortable with this and he understood it, immediately taking it down while muttering a slight "sorry", he still kept pushing his hand on your lower back to lead you toward one of the free couches.

As you pop down on the leather sofa, you realise that Heeseung dragged you far enough so that people will not give attention to the both of you and you let out a defeated sight. You tried so hard not to get involved with him.

"Why would you come to a party just to renounce last minute?" Heeseung asks you, his tone seemingly geniunely curious. You can't tell what it is but something in his demeanor is telling you he will not let you go so soon. His body is fully turned toward you, his crossed legs touching yours, the slight friction making you contract your legs' muscles each time.

"My friend asked me to come but you know... I just don't like parties..."

"Why isn't your friend with you? They chickened out as well?" He jocked. He doesn't believe you, either because he thinks you're a loser and you don't have any friends or he knows. For your own well being you'll think it's the first option.

You gave him a side eye, making him smirk. Oh he shouldn't be giving you that look, you're not really in the mood to get teased by him. "No, she must be somewhere in the crowd, I texted her that I was here a minute ago so-"

"-Let's wait for her here then."

The mood suddenly shifted into one that you couldn't quite describe, it was just the way his eyes wouldn't let go of your figure... What was his problem? Maybe you looked really bad? Or funny?

Or he knew...

"I really don't think I'll enjoy the party... let me go please." you whined once again, maybe you'll end up having what you want if you ask non stop for it.

For the nth time you looked at him as he shook his head in disaproval "There is no going home, I'll help you enjoying tonight don't worry." The same smirk sticking on his face as if it would kill him to just not look at you as if he was permanently teasing you. "I'm your shining armor knight, here to help you have the night of your life baby love." A scoff escaped your lips because of how cheesy that line was, and you almost threw up because of the emphasis on the cringey nickname he gave you. He did it on purpose because he knew how you'd react to it, espacially to that specific pet name, he knew you too well.

"Heeseung..." you grouched, eyes fixed on his while he looked at you with a slight pout on his face, he was mocking you, giving you false pity. You knew from the beginning it was useless to try to escape from him if he caught you.

Heeseung and you knew each other since you were 10 and him 12. Your older brother had a huge group of friend -unlike you- and Heeseung was one of them. You never paid attention to your brother's friends. Why? Because you were uninterested in them to the point it was hard for you to remember some of their names. If your brother was a social butterfly and tried to befriend every human being it wasn't your case, plus you had enough friends on your own to try to befriend his. That was until Heeseung.

The first time you saw him he seemed shy, when your brother opened the door wide and declared that you had to let them use the big tv so they could have a smash bros tournament Heeseung seemed uneasy with that idea. You remember it because when you took your stuffs to leave -while rolling your eyes and giving the biggest attitude to your brother- Heeseung excused himself for disturbing you. That is how you ended up remembering him as the polite one. Since he was the polite one, you were cool with him. You learned his name fast as he was often going to your place to do whatever teenage boys like to do and that you're not interested in. And at some point you began to chit-chat with him learning things about each other and he ended up opening to you. And it was the moment you learned who really was Heeseung.

Of course he was well behaved, his parents taught him well and they had a beautiful son. At some point Heeseung became such a regular at yours that you weren't even surprised when he walked inside your house, you recognized him when he knocked on your door - five very recognizable firm knocks spaced by several seconds each to make it dramatic - in the end he was really nice and for once you could understand what your brother saw in him, he was fun to be around, a good friend.

But this was hidding his real true identity, there is a reason why he became friend with someone like your brother, if they clicked that well it was because they were similar in some aspects.

Heeseung was popular, you would've never guessed it based on how he behaved at home but he really enjoyed it. Back then you were kind of unaware of his and your brother's popularity, unaware that the attention your brother and Heeseung gave you would soon become the worst thing to deal with ever. At first they treated you as some sort of mascot, each time they walked past you they would scream your name, make you name the one you liked the most -nobody was surprised when you always answered Heeseung-, they forced you to walk with them to go home, dragging you around with them each time they crashed at the town's old soccer field until late.

And the rumor got spread way too easily that Beomgyu's sister was in the building and that she always spent time with his whole friendgroup, but especially with Heeseung.

Your friends found it very cool but you didn't. Older girls began to walk to you, taking you away from your friends to talk about your brother and Heeseung, always and suddenly everything began to be about them. What was Heeseung like when not at school? What was your brother's favourite tv show? Have they ever talk to you about girls? Who?

After you explicitely told them that you didn't wanted to talk about them those same girls that treated you like a friend became hostil to you, glaring at you each time your brother or Heeseung would walk past you and tease you about something casual, some even began to create sort of a competition of who is closer to the boys even if you never agreed on participating.

You hoped it would stop after they left middle school for highschool. You had a break for two years. Nobody was triggered by your interractions with them. People had nothing to add fuel to their curiosity about your relationship with Heeseung and you finally were at peace. At least at school.

At home, Heeseung began to add to your brother's bullying. They would always tease you about everything, it was armless nothing really deep but it was unwanted attention from them and you were short tempered so they just had to annoy you for the sole fact that it was easy. The main topic of their teasing being your non existent love life, while they had a list of persons waiting just to be looked at by them as long as the Burj Khalifa. You were suddenly the bitchless loser of the house, reading about romance all the time but never being the one living it.

Then you went to highschool. And they were there.

For a whole year they made sure to drive you crazy. Encouraged by your brother, Heeseung began to call you by every pet name known to mankind, just because they saw one when they stole one of your books. Boo, sugarplum, cutie pie, darling, honey bear... you had no break. His favourite one was baby love, you almost threw up every time he called you that but it made him so happy to see your constipated face whenever he called you that in public.

On the bright side since your first middle school year you were more brave and even tho people knew something was up between you and those two, no one really went to you to ask about it, the glares remained but at least they were silent.

When they graduated and eventually went to college it stopped. Heeseung wasn't around that much anymore and he seemed to be busy. Maybe it was college that kept him from visiting or whatever but it made your life way calmer and god how much you liked that. The few times you saw him it was brief but he never missed a chance to tease you with the pet name you couldn't escape from, baby love. It was just so stupid but it sticked. Even your own parents began to call you that and you almost became crazy. Every time they called you that, you thought about Heeseung, cursed at him for being the reason your whole family refered to you as baby love, and more because if someone should be calling you that it should be only him. After all he was the one who made that pet name up, not the others.

When you moved to uni you knew Heeseung was majoring in sociology and that your own university was providing a sociology major, you just didn't know where he was studying but the chances for him being in the exact same university as the one you wanted was so low that you went there easy minded. When you realised that you should have asked your brother where his bestfriend studied it was already too late, he was on campus, on the first day of class, his eyes as wide as his smile.

You don't have no superpower but you knew what he was thinking, he wanted to jump on you and celebrate your reunion. But before he embarassed you in front of the whole campus you ran from him. You decided that instead of asking him to leave you, you would ignore him. But of course you can never escape forever, reality always punched you in the end, you couldn't stay away from him forever.

"Why are you even doing this?" you asked, in reality you knew he just missed teasing you and a part of you missed him too because, if he was mainly annoying he wasn't always a nuisance and sometimes you had really good conversations with him. But you were stressed out regarding a certain twitter account, but he hadn't say about it yet so you were starting to assume that maybe -just maybe- he didn't know.

"Because I caught you running away."He giggled.

You rolled your eyes, before looking back at him deadpan. "I didn't try to run away."

"Yes you did."

"Ok I did."

He laughed, easing the tension or whatever was making this situation feel somewhat heavy. You were glad because you couldn't bare the creeping hotness on your body that -you were absolutely sure- made you flush. Hopefully the dim light had your back hiding your red face from him.

You also hope the faded lights were hidding your secret glances at him. You didn't know where to look at, because looking at him seemed too much for you but there also was the fact that your eyes were just attracted to him. You wanted to detail him, look every detail of his face, understand how he parted his hair or witness for yourself his famous bambi eyes that you avoided for so long but that you really liked in reality. It had been so long since you've seen him this close, you felt like getting back you favourite old teddy bear. But you couldn't, the only thing you allowed yourself to look at without too much shame were his clothes, you were surprised to see that you somehow matched tonight, he was dressed in the same colors as you, that made you smile.

"Now that I caught you Y/N I had a question..."

You humed a slight "hm" while nodding, if he wanted to kow why you escaped from him you knew that you will have no shame telling him that he was as embarassing as an intrusive parent and that if he wanted you to behave otherwise than you've been, then he had to stop the pet names and everything else, just drop the teasing.

"Do you really think that I'm breedable? And agonizingly good looking?" He finally asked, on a teasing tone pressing his lips together on a line to prevent himself from laughing at you

[xramyeonz]

CRUSH - lhs TEASER

Pairing: Lee Heeseung x freader

Genre: fluff?; slow burn?

Word count: teaser is around 5k (yeah it’s a lot)

Warnings: yn has never been in love, Heeseung is yn’s brother’s bestfriend, mention of other idols, pet name that’ll make you throw up, English isn’t my first language sorry for every mistakes made I’m still working on it

Full story will be out before the world ends (hopefully)

Never being in a relationship may have fucked up your perception of love. You were born a hopeless romantic, as far as you can remember you have always been waiting for that day where you would fall in love and never let go of this person. You really wished it happened but years passed and still there was no one. You debilerately didn't date at first because no matter how much pressure your friends used to put on you during your school days there was no way you had a boyfriend at the ripe age of 8 (that and also Adam was really bad looking). Anyway at 8 you weren't interested in having a wedding during play time with some guys you were sure you would be ashamed of later.

When you hit middle school you were still reluctant of this idea, it's hard for a teenage girl to grow properly if she has to deal with a man. And guys are so annoying at 14 years old, let alone how bad looking they are, no it wasn't for you. At 14 guys were discovering sex and they would have made you like some kind of slut anyway so there was no way.

During highschool you weren't against experiencing love, at this point you had seen "to all the boys I loved before" and you were secretly wishing Peter Kavinsky would find you somehow (the Peter from the first movie not the one that wasn't waiting for Lara Jean in the hot tub duh). You were only disapointed when you realised boys were still not to your liking, and still annoying, and Peter Kavinsky wasn't real. But also, they weren't looking at you. To be honest you were never the center of everybody's attention but you weren't left aside that much. But highschool turned things, you never realised how much more beautiful your friends were until the moment it hit you. Guys were all over them while no one looked back at you, not that you would have looked their way, but still you realised that maybe, guys found you ugly.

And this is how you ended up still lonely, unloved and virgin at 23 years old. Sure 23 isn't old, you're still so young, but every time you tell someone that no, you had never been in a relationship, no you were never in a situationship, no you never reached the "talking stage" with anybody, they always hit you with the "No way you're lying" or "You're not missing out on anything don't worry love only hurts" and even worse "You'll see, love will come when you least expect it" as if you were expecting anything anymore. Like your bestfriend would always say, you're the ultimate virgin: no kiss, no hook ups, no relationship, not even a crush (celebrity crush doesn't count since they are out of reach anyway).

Howeber being born a hopeless romantic you had to somehow fill the empty void in your heart, that's how you ended up watching rom-coms, romance anime, all sort of drama, your favourite songs were all about love, you began to read romance books, manhwas, romance mangas, and the devil itself: fanfictions. You were something like 13 when you discovered wattpad and fanfictions, you couldn't believe what you discovered that night. You had to put an all nighter to process everything, it was like the pandora box, there was so many love stories for free, you rushed to read as many as possible, always waiting for updates to your favourite stories. This is how you discovered what they called lemons at first, the smut, you would've never imagined that at 23 you were still reading about it and still wonder how it really is.

This made you who you are today, the quiet single girl, reading things on her phone. Everybody around you knew how single you felt inside, claiming either that you would end up alone anyway and that no man deserves you or even that you're still single because it meant that you would end up with the sexiest, prettiest, loveliest, richest most perfect man on earth (stay delulu).

And you think about your prolonged celibacy when you see two person kissing right in front of you while you're waiting in line to get cookies for you and your bestfriend, and with Juno by Sabrina Carpenter playing on the background you swear that if those two motherfuckers in front of you don't separate asap you'll start throwing hands.

"Stop hating on them I can see the daggers your eyes are throwing." Kazuha said, walking toward you.

You sighed, "I can't take it anymore, one more couple and I'll just kill myself." You mimicked beheading yourself with your thumb as if it was a knife.

"It's the campus couple's dating place, what were you expecting?" She whislted a laugh, replacing her hair behind her ears while looking at her phone. She was right, what exactly were you expecting, it's always like that, people are always eating each other's face as if they wished to swallow the other one right in front of you. No you're not jealous, you just wish they were more considerate of other people around them.

You practically ran back to your class after eating outside just to be back in the anxiety of university courses, what a delight. Kazuha followed you, amused and just plopped on the sit next to you, the auditorium wasn't full, you still had time before the beggining of the next lecture and Kazuha took advantage of it to show you all her campus crush's pictures. He is known among every student for being one of the hotest boys on campus. There was a day when you and Kazuha were trying to find a vending machine and you randomly crossed his path, it was the day Kazuha developped sort of a crush on him after he smilled in your direction.

By sort of a crush what you really mean is that she began to call him her husband everyday and sending you pictures of him on her secret twitter account. You don't know where she got all those thirst traps of him but there sure is a lot and you can't deny the fact that he is good looking. What you find weird is the fangirling, she doesn't know him, has never heard him talking or do anything else than walking on campus or posing on those pictures? The only thing she knows is that his name is Lee Heeseung, he is 2 years older than you, he majors in sociology, he likes playing basketball and he is popular for his doe eyes.

But for her knowing that little about him is making all this "campus crush" thing funnier as she says. She treats it like a celebrity crush, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with him but she enjoys the view of him and the excitment whenever she sees him on the other side of the road. Sometimes she forces you to follow her, making a detour just to cross his path and giggle when she realised that you walked right in front of him, always claiming that she sweared he looked at you or that he seemed geniunely curious about you.

No matter how awkward it was you had to cope with that crush thing, you were the only follower to that secret twitter account she had and where she posted all of her crushes, from Lee Heeseung to Zayn Malik, each time she came across a picture of one of her crushes she just had to tweet about it, and to be honest it was really funny to witness, every off putting comment about how she could die for the man on the picture or how she deserves to be their wife made you laugh, some innocent freakyness never hurt anyone.

"Oh you should take a look to the last picture Carlos Sainz posted on his instagram he looks sooo yu-"

"What the-" You suddenly heard the group of girls on the row in front of you laughing louder, cutting Kazuha's fangirling session. They all turned toward you two, eyes wide on shock and mouth covered by their hands as they where giggling and whispering to each others. You shoot a glance at Kazuha who wasn't understanding either what was their problem. You knew those girls, two were Kazuha's roommates, they weren't close friends but they got allong well so such weird behaviour was really surprising coming from them. After a minute of incomprehension, one of Kazuha's roommate turned around with her phone in hand. "Kazuha is that you?" She handed you the phone and you gasped in shock, a shock that was nothing compared to the terror in Kazuha's eyes. Automatically her eyes found yours, it was unthinkable but her secret account had been discovered. The tweet Yuna was showing you was one of the numerous pictures of Heeseung where Kazuha commented "looking so fine and for what?".

Everybody's eyes inside the auditorium was on you, regardless if they heard what was happening or not, if they knew what was happening or not, everybody had their eyes on you and Kazuha who probably wished to disappear right away.

"W-well I-" she stutters, searching for something to say just to make this whole thing less embarassing but it was too hard to witness. You've never seen Kazuha so embarassed before, you could only guess what was going through her head. These four girls knew who Heeseung was. You were already imagining Kazuha's distress when she would just be inside her dorm whith her roommates also there, just talking about how Kazuha was a weird fangirl.

"It's not hers it's mine." You blurted out without even thinking.

All eyes shifted to you, the shock on their faces only growing because everybody knew you as the no boyfriend girl. Even you were shocked about what you just did, you sacrificed your whole social life in order to protect Kazuha's reputation. This whole discreet attitude, you always did your best not to attract unwanted attention, all this work was long forgotten now. Kazuha snapped her head toward you, the fear inside her eyes was now mixed with incomprehension. Why would you even do that?

You were already regretting that dumb decision your stupid mouth made by itself. Now you were just mentally preparing yourself for the worse time of your life, far ahead of the day you had your wisdom teeth removed.

"So you have a crush on him?" You saw one of the girls ask and you knew she had something in mind while asking that. The mission was clear right now, you had to limit the damage, by all cost.

The thought of it made no sense to you, no you couldn't possibly have just a slight crush for him. But for Kazuha's sake you had to put on the act of your life. "He is good looking, is it that shocking?" the nonchalance in your tone was crazy, somebody give you an oscar right now because you're giving the act of your whole life.

But after all you didn't lie, you found the man good looking.

"No it's just that... I wasn't expecting you out of all people to have such account..."

As you were about to answer, the teacher came in and started the lecture right away switching everybody's attention to whatever he was saying, even tho you still saw the girls stealing glances in your direction. This was incomparable to the day you got your wisdom teeth removed, it was way less painful back then.

"Thank you..." Kazuha whispered, making you sigh.

"You owe me for your whole life now girl..."

By the end of the week you knew everybody knew about your secret fan girl twitter account, you were suddenly the centre of everybody's attention, people shooting glances at you every now and then. After the incident, you made sure with Kazuha that she DELETED that stupid account before even more damages were made (even if you deeply knew it was too late). You were suddenly glad that you weren't in the same major Heeseung was in, at least you would not be running into him randomly. There was still a very thin chance that he would never hear about that fangirl account or something and this is quite litteraly what you were wishing for.

You had to wait for a week before you stopped hearing whispers whenever you walked by (it's hard to think that you're in university and not highshcool with how people reacted to this whole drama...) the storm was now behind you (or so you like to think), you just had to go ahead, and by going ahead you really meant anywhere but near the sociology major zone, out of fear that you'll run into Heeseung. That's why when Kazuha asked you to go to a party you refused, knowing that it's always one of Heeseung's friends throwing parties, and you weren't taking that risk.

But of course you never refuse anything to Kazuha, it's just how you show your love to your friends -even though sometimes you wish your love language would've been words of affirmations and not give in to whatever your friends want- and one thing lead to another you were ready, in front of the house where the party was being held. It was the -huge- house of one of the guys in the same major as Heeseung, but Kazuha swore to you that he wasn't going to be at the party because he was busy, it was Kazuha's roomate that told her that and (it helped Kazuha getting what she wanted: you going to the party). The sight of the house left you wordless because you weren't aware at all that someone that rich would be studying in the same university as you.

The house was so impressive it got you stuck in front of the doorway, staring at it while considering if you were dressed well enough just to step inside and the answer obviously was no. You were just wearing a cargo pant with a crop top and a leather jacket, of course you weren't wearing someting good enough for the house.

"I can't..." you said to yourself, turning around. It didn't matter that you just texted Kazuha to say that you arrived, you were ready to run back to your place and you really would've done it if it wasn't for the man you bumped into.

"Are you running away?" A soft chuckle leaving his lips as you shifted your gaze to his face, only for you to recognize Lee Heeseung.

The first thing you thought about was the LIE Kazuha had told you, the man was right in front of you in the flesh. For a "too busy to be here" man he seemed very present, relaxed and free.

It was far from your first time seeing him this close but for a second your breath was cut, your body stiffening as if you were caught red handed doing something bad. Either it's the shame of getting caught chickening out of a party, the guilt of knowing that you -kind of- stalked him for the past year because of your best friend, or the overwhelming embarasment of the possibilty of him knowing that you were the one managing a fangirl account of him even if it isn't really you...

You quickly tried to regain composure from the built embarassement inside of you before answering him with some poorly faked nonchalance, wondering where your acting skills had gone "I just don't feel like going anymore, I think I'm sick or-"

His laugh echoing in your ears and his hand on your lower back stopped you from talking. He used his unexpected grab on you to turn you around with one hand on your shoulder, the other still well placed on your lower back. You then felt him leaning toward you and the heat of his breath dying close to your ear as he told you: "C'mon let's have fun inside."

You gasped.

The man didn't give you a single chance to escape, he was pushing you toward the doorway no matter that you gave him a desperate look or that you shook your head, he seemed determined to take you to that party. If it was somebody else you would have taken their hands away from you an maybe you would've even scream at them, but there was something with Heeseung that stopped you from doing so, a supernatural force that just broke your ability to talk and disconnected your legs from your brain leaving them on auto-pilot, forcing you to follow Heeseung's lead.

As he pushed you inside, you realised that being impressed of the doorway was stupid, you should've guessed that the inside would be worse. The entry was huge, so was the garden and the pool inside of it. There was people everywhere, music blasting (not that you just discovered it, you just didn't pay attention to it when you were in front of the house), even the lights were set in a cool way, there was colorful neon around the place maybe to give a more partyish vibe and it worked just fine because for an instant you thought you were at a fancy party that Jackson Wang hosted like in every single fanfiction.

After a few seconds of being impresed by the place, you realised that Heeseung's hands weren't on you anymore, taking it as your sign to finally run away from here but the man was still paying attention to you and once again stopped your from running away.

"Stop holding me hostage and let me go home please." You pleaded, both your hands joined in prayer sign with the best doe eyes you were capable of.

He lifted the hand that wasn't busy keeping you from escaping the party and moved his pointing finger from left to right, shaking his head along to say no, he wasn't letting you go home.

You sighed in defeat, maybe this was the universe's way to tell you that you had to stay here, and at least you'll have some tea to spill when you'll fid Kazuha amongst the crowd of the party. You'll tell her how her campus crush hold you hostage and made you move around inside the house with his arm resting around your shoulders- When did he put his arm on your shoulders?- Once again your body was moving alone, following Heeseung inside the house, toward the living room where his friend group was settled. When you realised the arm on your shoulders you pushed it gently, you were uncomfortable with this and he understood it, immediately taking it down while muttering a slight "sorry", he still kept pushing his hand on your lower back to lead you toward one of the free couches.

As you pop down on the leather sofa, you realise that Heeseung dragged you far enough so that people will not give attention to the both of you and you let out a defeated sight. You tried so hard not to get involved with him.

"Why would you come to a party just to renounce last minute?" Heeseung asks you, his tone seemingly geniunely curious. You can't tell what it is but something in his demeanor is telling you he will not let you go so soon. His body is fully turned toward you, his crossed legs touching yours, the slight friction making you contract your legs' muscles each time.

"My friend asked me to come but you know... I just don't like parties..."

"Why isn't your friend with you? They chickened out as well?" He jocked. He doesn't believe you, either because he thinks you're a loser and you don't have any friends or he knows. For your own well being you'll think it's the first option.

You gave him a side eye, making him smirk. Oh he shouldn't be giving you that look, you're not really in the mood to get teased by him. "No, she must be somewhere in the crowd, I texted her that I was here a minute ago so-"

"-Let's wait for her here then."

The mood suddenly shifted into one that you couldn't quite describe, it was just the way his eyes wouldn't let go of your figure... What was his problem? Maybe you looked really bad? Or funny?

Or he knew...

"I really don't think I'll enjoy the party... let me go please." you whined once again, maybe you'll end up having what you want if you ask non stop for it.

For the nth time you looked at him as he shook his head in disaproval "There is no going home, I'll help you enjoying tonight don't worry." The same smirk sticking on his face as if it would kill him to just not look at you as if he was permanently teasing you. "I'm your shining armor knight, here to help you have the night of your life baby love." A scoff escaped your lips because of how cheesy that line was, and you almost threw up because of the emphasis on the cringey nickname he gave you. He did it on purpose because he knew how you'd react to it, espacially to that specific pet name, he knew you too well.

"Heeseung..." you grouched, eyes fixed on his while he looked at you with a slight pout on his face, he was mocking you, giving you false pity. You knew from the beginning it was useless to try to escape from him if he caught you.

Heeseung and you knew each other since you were 10 and him 12. Your older brother had a huge group of friend -unlike you- and Heeseung was one of them. You never paid attention to your brother's friends. Why? Because you were uninterested in them to the point it was hard for you to remember some of their names. If your brother was a social butterfly and tried to befriend every human being it wasn't your case, plus you had enough friends on your own to try to befriend his. That was until Heeseung.

The first time you saw him he seemed shy, when your brother opened the door wide and declared that you had to let them use the big tv so they could have a smash bros tournament Heeseung seemed uneasy with that idea. You remember it because when you took your stuffs to leave -while rolling your eyes and giving the biggest attitude to your brother- Heeseung excused himself for disturbing you. That is how you ended up remembering him as the polite one. Since he was the polite one, you were cool with him. You learned his name fast as he was often going to your place to do whatever teenage boys like to do and that you're not interested in. And at some point you began to chit-chat with him learning things about each other and he ended up opening to you. And it was the moment you learned who really was Heeseung.

Of course he was well behaved, his parents taught him well and they had a beautiful son. At some point Heeseung became such a regular at yours that you weren't even surprised when he walked inside your house, you recognized him when he knocked on your door - five very recognizable firm knocks spaced by several seconds each to make it dramatic - in the end he was really nice and for once you could understand what your brother saw in him, he was fun to be around, a good friend.

But this was hidding his real true identity, there is a reason why he became friend with someone like your brother, if they clicked that well it was because they were similar in some aspects.

Heeseung was popular, you would've never guessed it based on how he behaved at home but he really enjoyed it. Back then you were kind of unaware of his and your brother's popularity, unaware that the attention your brother and Heeseung gave you would soon become the worst thing to deal with ever. At first they treated you as some sort of mascot, each time they walked past you they would scream your name, make you name the one you liked the most -nobody was surprised when you always answered Heeseung-, they forced you to walk with them to go home, dragging you around with them each time they crashed at the town's old soccer field until late.

And the rumor got spread way too easily that Beomgyu's sister was in the building and that she always spent time with his whole friendgroup, but especially with Heeseung.

Your friends found it very cool but you didn't. Older girls began to walk to you, taking you away from your friends to talk about your brother and Heeseung, always and suddenly everything began to be about them. What was Heeseung like when not at school? What was your brother's favourite tv show? Have they ever talk to you about girls? Who?

After you explicitely told them that you didn't wanted to talk about them those same girls that treated you like a friend became hostil to you, glaring at you each time your brother or Heeseung would walk past you and tease you about something casual, some even began to create sort of a competition of who is closer to the boys even if you never agreed on participating.

You hoped it would stop after they left middle school for highschool. You had a break for two years. Nobody was triggered by your interractions with them. People had nothing to add fuel to their curiosity about your relationship with Heeseung and you finally were at peace. At least at school.

At home, Heeseung began to add to your brother's bullying. They would always tease you about everything, it was armless nothing really deep but it was unwanted attention from them and you were short tempered so they just had to annoy you for the sole fact that it was easy. The main topic of their teasing being your non existent love life, while they had a list of persons waiting just to be looked at by them as long as the Burj Khalifa. You were suddenly the bitchless loser of the house, reading about romance all the time but never being the one living it.

Then you went to highschool. And they were there.

For a whole year they made sure to drive you crazy. Encouraged by your brother, Heeseung began to call you by every pet name known to mankind, just because they saw one when they stole one of your books. Boo, sugarplum, cutie pie, darling, honey bear... you had no break. His favourite one was baby love, you almost threw up every time he called you that but it made him so happy to see your constipated face whenever he called you that in public.

On the bright side since your first middle school year you were more brave and even tho people knew something was up between you and those two, no one really went to you to ask about it, the glares remained but at least they were silent.

When they graduated and eventually went to college it stopped. Heeseung wasn't around that much anymore and he seemed to be busy. Maybe it was college that kept him from visiting or whatever but it made your life way calmer and god how much you liked that. The few times you saw him it was brief but he never missed a chance to tease you with the pet name you couldn't escape from, baby love. It was just so stupid but it sticked. Even your own parents began to call you that and you almost became crazy. Every time they called you that, you thought about Heeseung, cursed at him for being the reason your whole family refered to you as baby love, and more because if someone should be calling you that it should be only him. After all he was the one who made that pet name up, not the others.

When you moved to uni you knew Heeseung was majoring in sociology and that your own university was providing a sociology major, you just didn't know where he was studying but the chances for him being in the exact same university as the one you wanted was so low that you went there easy minded. When you realised that you should have asked your brother where his bestfriend studied it was already too late, he was on campus, on the first day of class, his eyes as wide as his smile.

You don't have no superpower but you knew what he was thinking, he wanted to jump on you and celebrate your reunion. But before he embarassed you in front of the whole campus you ran from him. You decided that instead of asking him to leave you, you would ignore him. But of course you can never escape forever, reality always punched you in the end, you couldn't stay away from him forever.

"Why are you even doing this?" you asked, in reality you knew he just missed teasing you and a part of you missed him too because, if he was mainly annoying he wasn't always a nuisance and sometimes you had really good conversations with him. But you were stressed out regarding a certain twitter account, but he hadn't say about it yet so you were starting to assume that maybe -just maybe- he didn't know.

"Because I caught you running away."He giggled.

You rolled your eyes, before looking back at him deadpan. "I didn't try to run away."

"Yes you did."

"Ok I did."

He laughed, easing the tension or whatever was making this situation feel somewhat heavy. You were glad because you couldn't bare the creeping hotness on your body that -you were absolutely sure- made you flush. Hopefully the dim light had your back hiding your red face from him.

You also hope the faded lights were hidding your secret glances at him. You didn't know where to look at, because looking at him seemed too much for you but there also was the fact that your eyes were just attracted to him. You wanted to detail him, look every detail of his face, understand how he parted his hair or witness for yourself his famous bambi eyes that you avoided for so long but that you really liked in reality. It had been so long since you've seen him this close, you felt like getting back you favourite old teddy bear. But you couldn't, the only thing you allowed yourself to look at without too much shame were his clothes, you were surprised to see that you somehow matched tonight, he was dressed in the same colors as you, that made you smile.

"Now that I caught you Y/N I had a question..."

You humed a slight "hm" while nodding, if he wanted to kow why you escaped from him you knew that you will have no shame telling him that he was as embarassing as an intrusive parent and that if he wanted you to behave otherwise than you've been, then he had to stop the pet names and everything else, just drop the teasing.

"Do you really think that I'm breedable? And agonizingly good looking?" He finally asked, on a teasing tone pressing his lips together on a line to prevent himself from laughing at you

[xramyeonz]

Before you go - pjs

Park Jongseong x fem!reader

Synopsis: Jay knew he shouldn't get too attached to the exchanged student, he just couldn't help it.

Contains smut, 18+ minors dni

Warnings: not so well written (sorry), y/n cheats, jay is down bad, low quality smut in the end, sort of angst?, a bit of fluff, unprotected sex, fingering, kissing, y/n is french (sorry)

Words count: somewhere around 6k

na: This is my first post ever and English isn't even my first language, I hope there isn't too many mistakes and this isn't so bad. I just wanted to shoot my shot. Enjoy!!

It was time, time for you to leave. By the airport's window Jay could see your plane slowly leaving, taking you away from him. It was for the better, he knew it from the start, it was all useless to get too attached to the french exchanged student because at some point you'll leave. He knew it, that's why after the plane was up in the sky he decided it was all over. No more frenchie yapping in his ears all day long, no more of your so called casual outfits where you looked like you were really getting ready to go party or something like that. No more you.

He tried to ignore the sting inside his heart at the thought of it, yeah, no more you.

He remembered the first time he saw you walk inside the library. You looked lost, like you didn't belong to this place where most people where just wearing sweat and large pants because there was no point in dressing up just to go study. But there you were, all dressed up in your black miniskirt and your high socks. You looked very good in it, your legs especially. When he saw you, Jay thought that you were cool. He couldn't help it, he likes to dress up and seeing someone wearing something other than a pajama like outfit was like the highlight of his day.

You sat not so far from him, taking your laptop out of your leather bag and tried to work right away. unfortunately it seemed that something was bothering you and you began to look around you in search of some sort of help.

At this point, Jay forgot about his work, too busy looking at you and your straightened hair, wondering where you came from. Because he was absolutely sure he never saw you before. Maybe you were from another town far from here and just moved but since it was mid semester there was no point in joining new courses now.

He was just so curious about you. Wondering where you were from yes but also what was in you that attracted him so much. Was it your mysterious gaze or the faint smirk that creeped on your face once you remarqued him staring at you. He couldn't think further because before he knew it, you were waving at him.

It took the poor lost in thoughts Jay out of his mind and he looked nervously around before pointing at him to be sure you were really waving at him. When you nodded he found it weird but just puffed a smile a casually waved back, trying to keep a cool nonchalant demeanour. Then he focused back on the document he was working on before you entered the library and totaly distracted him. But every word he was reading was gibberish to him, he was deeply embarassed that you caught him staring at you.

Jay wasn't the one to be caught in a situation like that, he was always the one people looked at, not otherwise. He was the popular one, after all he played very good guitar, dressed well, he was smart, rich... He had everything, that's why he was never bothered by anyone, he was just living in an other world compared to them.

When the chair beside him was pulled out Jay didn't look it out, he was playing the role of the deep in thoughts man, his eyebrows joined in a concentrated frown while tapping his pen on his left knee.

"Hi." He heared a soft voice whisper beside him.

He had never heard this voice before, he would've remember such a soft voice. He raised his head, curious about the girl that just sat beside him, only to see you, sat close to him, your whole body turned toward him. He raised an eyebrow before he answered a low "Hi?"

You smiled at him almost shyly before taking a big breath. "Do you happen to know what the wi-fi password is?"

Without control over his face, he looked at you with wide eyes, he had his answer, it wasn't that you were from another city, you were from France a whole other country. He could hear it clearly, your accent was cute, you tried your best to pronounce words the right way, he could feel it but it was just too strong to just disappear. On top of that your voice wasn't just soft, it was kind of angelic, it was music to his ears.

All his senses where alerted, it was the first time he felt that way. He was drawn to you. He understood that right away. There was just something in the combination of your looks, your voice and your aura that intrigued him way more than he would like to admit. He gave you the password, of course he did, he would've done whatever you wanted at that right moment.

For your confident smile he would've abandoned his family and motherland without thinking twice. And the fact that you stayed beside him to talk just made him so happy that he never went back to work on the document he was supposed to. Unfortunately you got thrown out of the library after a few minutes because you were making way too much noise for the librarian's taste.

In reality it leaded you two to have a great moment together, he learned a lot about you. You were here for the rest of the school year, just arrived a few days ago and didn't know anything or anybody. Hearing that, Jay offered without a second thought to present you to his whole friend group. And that he did.

Soon you became the group's mascot, everybody liked you, you were nice, kind of sarcastic but that made your charm. He discovered so much things about you in such a short amount of time, from your favourite colour to your very favourite french song.

There wasn't a day without you two seeing each other. You would always talk about everything and anything, helping each other with your outfit choices, purposely matching to every party you went to. If everybody liked you, the one you were the closest to was Jay.

You were attending the same courses, always sitting beside each other, your hand oh so innocently resting on his forearm, your head resting on his shoulders during your early classes while you complained about your lack of sleep and how even after months here you were still jetlagged. Jay wasn't found of physical touch, everybody knew that, he loved and cherished his personnal space, but he made an exception for you. He would always drag you closer when it was cold outside, letting you wrap your arm around his and slowly sliding your hand inside his pocket while locking your fingers together. He loved your hands, not always soft because of the amount of time you washed your hands after getting paint all over them.

He loved the nights at yours, him cooking in your kitchen while you were painting while humming along to Chase Atlantic's songs or even when you begged him to play the guitar for you because it helped you being more creative.

He loved how every night you forced him to spend hours sat by the table after dinner just to discuss and debate. He absolutely loved how no matter that you could speak really good english your french accent was still right there and couldn't refrain his laughter whenever a french word slipped out of your mouth even when they were in majority cuss words.

There was that one time where he asked you to teach him some french and he sweared he never saw you so brightly smiling for him before. He couldn't get a grisp on whatever you were telling him but each time he repeated the unpronounceable words you asked him to, you seemed so happy that he never gathered the courage to tell you that he had no idea what you were telling him.

Whenever he was with you he always dropped the nonchalant act, feeling like a fool. In front of you he was vulnerable, and maybe in some masochistic way it was the feeling of it that always dragged him back to you. Him that had always been called the black cat due to his unfazed bahviour ended up acting like a puppy in front of you. Whatever you craved he got it for you, if you missed a french meal he would be cooking it just for your dinner after running to the only store that selled what was necessary to make it. He was trying his best to help you feel at home because in some way he felt like at home with you.

Sometimes you told him about your life in France, parties until 6 in the morning inside a fancy parisian apartment and long talk with your friends by the terrace of a café in the countryside. You would always tell him how he would fit perfectly amongst your french friend group, how he would look perfect by your side while dancing during the "fete de la musique". And he ended up picturing himself leaving this life beside you. He could see himself passing by the haussmanians building of Paris with your hand inside of his.

During those few months he didn't got attached to you, it was beyond that, he got addicted to you as if you were some kind of highly dangerous drugs. The others saw you two getting closer in record time, leading them to tease Jay whenever they could see you, and each time Jay lowered his head displaying a sheepish smile on his face, because each time his friends would try to bother him by saying that he was so in love with you and that his eyes suddenly took a heart shape, Jay couldn't deny that they were somehow a bit right about it.

He couldn't ignore his quickening heartbeats whenever you were getting closer to him, kissing his cheek to say hello or good bye, it didn't matter that you did it with everybody, there was something different in the way you kissed him hello.

"Did you know that Y/N actually has a boyfriend?" Said Jake once.

Jay's heart skipped a beat hearing it. You never mentioned being in a relationship before, not in front of him or anybody else. He hardly swallowed his coffee, feigning indifference but suddenly paying real close attention to his australian friend's word.

"I heard it from Lily, she said that they badly argued over the phone yesterday. Apparently Y/N is realy down." Jake's words echoed in Jay's head. Why was he behaving as if it was a real fact? Jay wanted to prove him wrong because he knew there was something behind your relationship, it wasn't just friendship, it was deeper than that, he knew it. If not why would you compliment him the way you did? If not why would you cuddle with him during hours.

Seeing Jay's confused expression, Jake got concerned, he knew that his friend was attached to you more than he would admit it. The lost gaze of his friend made him worried, did you play with Jay's feelings? "You good?" He asked before he witnessed Jay getting up and taking his coat to leave, getting the Aussie boy even more concerned.

"Yeah, gotta go see her, she must be needing support y'know."

"What about you? You sure you're not like disappointed?"

Jay shrugged, looking straight at his reflection in the miror, checking if he was perfect like it was the only thing in his mind right now when it really wasn’t. "Y/N's leaving soon, there is nothing to be disappointed about, I wasn't getting attached to her anyway, there is no point."

"Right..." Jake choose to believe his friend even tho he really knew it would be hard to be convinced with those words after Jay practically flew away from their dorm, his jaw clenched.

When he arrived at yours Jay didn't know what to do, should he ask you for some explanations? Then it hit him, explanation for what? You weren't in a relationship. No matter that he thought that you two behaved like a couple, you weren't officialy his girlfriend. It was a hard pill to swallow, there was nothing, nothing for him to be mad about or for his throat to hurt like it was hurting right at that moment in front of your door. He could open the door, he knew your password, he could go inside and find you but he couldn't. The tears gathered in his eyes were about to overflow and he didn't want to appear all teary in front of you, not when he just discovered that you meant more to him that he did to you.

He suddenly wished he met you before, before he was even ready to love you, he wished you never crossed another man's path before you met him so that he would've been the first and last to hold you in his arms and tell you every little thing that made you smile.

For a second and for the first time in his whole life he wished he was another man, he wished he could be the one to call you his.

That night he went back to his dorm without seeing you, Jake was confused to say the least. Jay told him he couldn't make it to yours because of something that suddenly came up but his friend knew from his reddish and lightly swollen eyes that Jay tried to hide behind glasses that he cried.

The following days, Jay acted as if nothing was wrong. Talking with everybody like everything was normal but distancing slowly from you. Suddenly he couldn't find the time to cook for you or to look at the beautiful drawings you did. He didn't bother to debate with you anymore, it was clear for him, he had to distance himself from you, because he couldn't keep feeling his heart dropping each time you layed your eyes on him or when he heard your french accent. He couldn't because it was driving him crazy, he was losing his mind, couldn't stopping his eyes from lingering on your figure, appreciating every trait of your face or every time your eyes locked with his for a second, him reading the incomprehension in your gaze.

You tried to talk to him, to know why he was suddenly so avoidant and the only excuse he could come up with was that he was too busy. Then he stopped going to parties, he didn't want to stay with you for too long, classes with you were already torture to his heart, he could never handle a party with you without getting close to you. He knew that the moment alcohol would get in his sistem then his nature would take over the distant act because it was natural for him to be near you. And he couldn't let you break his heart, because he always knew that he shouldn't get too close.

That distanced him from you and he others, they always told him they missed him but Jay justified his absence by saying he was tired, that he was busy with family stuffs but he knew no one really believed him, especially you.

The few times he was part of something it was when all the boys decided to reunite in his and jake's dorm for a boys night. That's during one of these boys nights hat he heard Heeseung say something that made his whole body froze.

"I can't believe Y/N is leaving next week..."

"Right?" Agreed Jungwon. "It feels like yesterday the day Jay introduced her."

Jay wasn't listening anymore, he knew it would eventually happen, you leaving for good. But he distanced himself enough not to be hurt at all, no he was absolutely fine. It has been enough time since the last time he let you kiss his cheeks with your pillow like lips for him to not miss the feeling at all, he doesn't even remember the feeling of you kissing his cheek, it's all good, he isn't moved by the news at all.

"Hey come back with us." the youngest of the boys, Riki, shaked Jay to get him back with them.

Jay didn't even realize he was zoning out thinking about you, he thought he just remembered a thing or two about you but he was still attentive to whatever was said in the dorm. Unfortunately he was totally out of it. All the boys shared a knowing glance, looking next at their friend who tried to act nonchalant the best he could but really, he looked confused, his long face dispalying the whole internal fight that he had been trying to hide this whole time.

Jay smiled at his friend, as if nothing was wrong, telling them to continue and they did. He then realized what the topic had been while he was lost in thoughts, your last party here. They were discussing the place, the snacks and drinks, the music but also the people invited to that party.

"Y/N said she really wants Jay there..."

The weight of all eyes suddenly on him disturbed Jay, he almost choked on his coke can but succeeded to keep a cool demeanour. They looked almost accusing, trying to guilt trap him or something like that. Jay's eyes met Jake's, he was the one who told him about you, he shouldn't be on everyone's side but he seemed to be nonetheless.

And then he began to wonder, should he just go there? After all this was your last night with them, the last time he could see you. His head and his heart screamed two different things, the first ordered him to be rational, he had already been hurt he shouldn't push further into this if he didn't want to break. The latest supplicating to have one last chance to see the girl that made it beat. Even if he had to stay far away from her, Jay's heart wanted to be in your presence one last time.

"If I'm not too busy I'll pass by..." Jay told his friend in a cold tone that contrasted totally with the heat of feelings inside of him.

Days passed by real quick and in the end there he was, standing in front of the door of your place, the same one he went to a countless time. The same one in front of which he stayed that evening after he learned that you were taken, the same one in front of which he decided he had to distance himself for his own good. But for the first time he was anxious, stressed about the thought of seeing you again, for the last time before you left tomorrow morning.

His wet hand on the door handle, he slowly pushed the door to get inside, the hot hair inside hitting him. He came late on purpose, he thought that maybe that way you wouldn't notice him. That was his plan, watching you from afar, remembering the good times with you by himself without getting involved with you.

"You came!" He heard your excited voice as soon as he poot a foot inside your place.

Right in front of him, there you were. Close to the door as if you were just waiting for him since the beginning but Jay knew that wasn't the case, you already had someone.

Unlike him you had been partying for a while now, your makeup wasn't as fresh as when the party began, only a souvenir of your expensive Dior gloss remaining on your lips but Jay still recognized it, it was your favourite one, the one you got together on your first week here. Your cheeks seemed a bit red, either because of the alcohol or because of the heat inside. Or maybe both, even though Jay hoped it was because of him.

You didn't think about any of it when you jumped on Jay as if he was the most important person on earth. He knew he shouldn't be troubled by it but he couldn't stop a hot feeling creeping inside of him, forcing him to close his arms around your hot body as if it was their place, his arms belonged there, around you, pulling you impossibly closer.

During the bat of an eye he felt his heart connected to yours, imagining how things would've been if your heart beat for him like his beat for you. He imagined the symphony of your love, during what it takes for him to feel your hot breath in the crook of his neck, he hears the melody of the story that would never start.

You're quick to pull back, way too quick for his liking but at least he got the opportunity of looking at you so close. Looking straight into your mesmerizing gaze, finding back the lyrical feeling that inspired him so many melodies that he played to you until the sun was up. Needless to say he found you beautiful as always, from the beginning he thought you looked more like an angel than a human.

"I missed you."

Your eyes opening a bit wider after hearing this sentence coming out of his usually sealed lips. Jay wasn't expecting to say it either, he was just as surprised as you but remained calm because he knew that the walls he built with so much pain would collapse near you, he just didn't know it would only take a hug for it to be destroyed.

You pouted, caressing Jay's cheeks with such tenderness that he believed he was dreaming this moment. Even your gaze was communicating a love that he prayed was real, he hoped his delusions were real, just this once, he wanted the love he imagined in your eyes to be real.

"I missed you more..." you answered, an almost melancholic look on your face, as if you gave as much importance to your shared memories as he did.

But it wasn't near possible, he knew that.

For another couple of seconds none of you dared to open your mouth. Maybe in fear to ruin the mood or because you were just enjoying each other's presence, just to re-tame each other through loving glances and soft touches. His hands on your waist, stroking oh so preciously the skin under his fingers tips that wasn't covered by your clothes while you were running your fingers through his hair and he loved it.

"C'mon..." You whispered, finally breaking the magic between you as your hands slipped from his hair to his hand without breaking contact as if it would kill you both.

You dragged him around your place and Jay suddenly remembered this was your farewell party and he panicked. Was this the last alone moment he shared with you before you left? He became awfully aware of the music and  the voices of your shared friends inside the small apartment. He realized that instead of running away from you he should have taken the most of each moment he could've shared with you. The time he lost will never come back and while watching your hand firmly wrapped around yours he cursed at him, and his own stupid feelings, not even realizing that you didn't stopped in your living room but inside your bedroom.

This sacred place where you cuddled until both of you fell asleep before. You left him in the middle of the room, carefully closing the door before searching something in your formerly closed suitcase.

He did little more that blankly staring at you, lost in regrets thinking about how different tonight would've been if he never distanced himself from you because either way when he discovered you weren't single he was already down bad for you, six feet deep whenever you weren't near him, feeling the loss each time his gaze wasn't on you anymore.

And as if to free him from his disturbed thoughts you came to him, handing him a small key. He stared, confused about what he should do with it but still took it, examining the small iron piece his his hand as if there was something to decipher, a puzzle or something but the key was just like you, an enigma.

He lifted his head to look at you and your fond smile, curious to know what this was about.

"This is the key to my apartment..."

Jay frowned, once again he overthought everything, there wasn't anything to understand, you needed to return the keys and he was the perfect person to help you. He nodded and slowly put the keys in his back pocket, ready to leave your bedroom because the deception was getting heavy on his shoulders.

"My apartment in Paris." You added before he dared to put a foot before the other and leave. For the second time his face deformed in confusion, the wrinkles between his eyebrows deepening, what would he even do with your keys?

"So that you can come and see me."

Jay scoffed, was this your way of telling him you wanted to see him again? This wasn't right, he knew it. It wasn't moral of him but the satisfied and relieved smile creeping on his face translated how happy he was to know that you somehow reserved him a place in your heart. Even if it was the stand-in place and not the post holder one, at least he was something to you.

"I wanted to give you the painting I was working on but I couldn't finish it without you by my side..." You said, eyes on the floor like a child.

Were you insinuating that he was the missing piece to something? Did you miss him like he missed you? For real?

Jay felt moved by your words because he remembered each time you told him this painting was important to you, you poured your heart and soul into it and knowing he was the one this was meant for just made his heart flicker. "... so I figured this was the most meaningful thing I could give you."

It wasn't, to him the best thing you could've gave him was your heart, but he knew this wasn't an option. So he just smiled as he looked at you with the same heart shaped eyes his friends made fun of him for.

And just like that he had an idea, if painting had been your way to express yourself then he'll do it too. He would never dare to confess to you with words but maybe, just maybe, if he painted for you he could tell you that every corner of his heart were covered with your colours.

"Where are your painting stuffs? I'll finish it for you."

"Huh?"

Your gaze was killing him, the way your surprise tone sounded in his ears, just like the music inside his heart. Jay knew nothing about painting, nothing except from the thing you told him or the things he saw by admiring you while you were at it, but he had to do it, to make tonight even more special and to let you know what really was inside his heart.

Even in your confused state you got everything out for him to paint and it's only in front of the whole thing that Jay realized that he had no idea about what he was about to do. Maybe you understood it because Jay heard your angelic laughter tickle his eardrums. "Draw me like one of your French girls."

He chuckled, amused by your intervention because he still had a vivid souvenir of you telling him that you hated that line for how stupid it was.

He soaked one of the brush in the painting and clumsily draw on the coloured canvas in front of him, under your curious gaze. He had no idea if this would end up looking good but he gave his all into this, thinking about each souvenir with you, and every melody he would never have the opportunity to sing to you.

After a few minutes he backed up, looking at the shape he drew, it looked a like a lock, just like he wanted to. You gave him the key and he gave you the lock, knowing this wasn't any lock, it was his heart's lock, the one you cracked open a long time ago. He turned his head toward you, just to see if you thought that he ruined your work or not but your amazed eyes gave him the answer he needed, this wasn't ruined.

You moved closer to him, your head slowly leaning on his body. "It's perfect..." you whispered while closing your eyes. He ignored if you got what he wanted to tell you but didn't dare to open his mouth.

As if to enjoy the intimacy of this moment shared by only you, gently, Jay slid his hand on your back and pulled you closer. The atmosphere was too intense, filled with unspoken words and lost precious time. Jay shifted your body a little, just so he could see your face, just to admire you while he still could.

He wished the words weren't trapped in his throat. He wanted to speak, to tell you how he felt, it didn't matter to him what your life in Paris was like and what or who was waiting for you there, right now you were with him and that's all that mattered.

"Kiss me Jay." You suddenly said. Catching him off guard, he had to stare at you, read through your darkened eyes. You looked almost feverish, switching your eyes from his eyes to his lips, shaking the butterflies that were already flying inside his tummy.

He wondered if you were serious, if he heard you right, and so many things but in the end it only took him one second before diving to kiss you. He catches your lips with such intensity that even him was surprised by it.

For the first time he had the opportunity to taste your kiss, not just imagining it, dreaming of the plushy feeling of your lips on his. This was finally happening and he took it as his chance to give you everything he had bottled up until this very moment.

Every hidden desire of his and every bit of the overflowing love he felt was transferred into this kiss. It was desperate, both his hands on your cheeks as if to prevent you from going away because he wasn't done, with just that he couldn't translate his heart.

After what seemed to him to be milliseconds both of you were breathless, struggling to catch your breath with your foreheads against each other. Jay was flustered but not quite satisfied, this was just the emerged side of the ice berg, his feelings were far more intense than this kiss that had your lips swollen and chest heaving.

"Can you give me one last thing?" You breathed out, heavily watching his lips.

"Whatever you want from me." He urged to answer, not caring for a dime what you wanted. May it be an advice, an organ or his soul he would give it to you anytime because he wasn't able to refuse anything to you. Even with both his legs cut he would crawl to you just to satisfy you in hope that you will like him back someday.

This time you were the one initiating the kiss. It was more sensual, more needy and with your hand slowly making its way under his shirt, your touch burning his skin, leaving marks like some burning hot iron. He felt his senses increased, blood flooding inside of him and awakening every repressed desire of his, he was near losing control and it wasn't the sloppy kiss you shared that would stop him.

Your tongue against his, he finally tasted you, and it was the best thing he ever had in his whole life. There was a hint of alcohol in your mouth that just made the kiss even more addictive. He had to mentally force himself not to rush back to your lips when you broke the kiss just to attack his neck with your kisses.

He bit hard his lips at feeling of you trapping his skin between your lips. Once he had the chance he lifted you, taking you to your bed to show you just how badly he longed-for you.

Finally you were under him, cheeks red just like he pictured it in his dreams, he dives back into you, kissing you just to show you how desperate he is. You move under his body, whining oh so delightfully for him.

"Let me love you just for tonight." He whispers, almost sounding like pleading with his voice teared up between the heat of his spilling feelings and the pain of knowing this is the first and last time he'll have the opportunity to. He just wishes to know what it feels like to love you.

You moaned under him, almost inaudible, your arms wrapping around his shoulders as if to answer him, giving him free access to your body and your heart.

Jay has no will to resist anymore, he doesn't care that tomorrow you'll be gone forever, back to your boyfriend's arms. He doesn't think about it anymore but just about his lips crashed onto yours for the nth time, one of his hands reaching for your tight, lifting it while reaching higher.

Your skirt is long gone just like the other pieces of clothes that separated your bare bodies. All Jay cares for is your pleasure and each time he hears you plead for him, he forgets the world a bit more.

You are a mess, his fingers curled up inside you, you keep moaning his name softly and it drives him crazy to know that this is his last time hearing it so he just amplify the pleasure, adding another finger while sucking on the skin of your breasts until you came undone on his fingers. This was his last opportunity to show you how much he could love you and he had to do it with all his energy and will.

For a second you're breathless, but as soon as your eyes meet Jay's he feels you're back, he doesn't know if you want to continue, looking at you with worried but loving eyes, his gaze asking one thousand questions.

"I need you inside me..." you breathe, almost sounding as if you begged him and Jay doesn't need anything more to get ready. Every doubt inside of him disappearing as you slowly reach for him hand, giving a sweet kiss to his palm.

He places himself in front of your throbbing entrance, waiting for your approval to slide inside of you and once he does he believes he just discovered heaven.

You feel amazing around him, your nails planting on his skin giving him a delicious wave of pain. Each movement inside of you causing you to arch your back in pleasure, if he is losing himself so are you. There is no going back, not when both of you feel your high building up more and more after each back and forth movement, no matter if your under him, on top of him riding him or even between his arms, he hits just the right spots that drive you both crazy.

"Fuck..." he hears you mumble while throwing your head back in pleasure. On the other hand, Jay can't get his eyes off you, too afraid that if he does he would miss something and that's the last thing he wants. What he wishes for is to remember forever your whines, the sensual dance of your naked body against his, the taste of your skin and of the love you were giving him.

You shiver, walls clenching around him, you're close and so is he it's only a matter of seconds before both of you come and it just encourages Jay to deepen his thrusts making you scream before you kiss him one last time.

"I Love you..." you whisper against his lips, your whole body shaking as you finally reach your highest point, feeling Jay filling you up with his last thrusts.

Both of you are panting, body against each other's as you try to recover from your highs.

It feels good, so good to finally let his heart take control, Jay has never felt so good before. But if it is so good why does he feel tears dropping from his eyes?

He doesn't let you go, hugging you closer as if to merge with you. He can't let you go, not after hearing that last sentence maybe it was because of your orgasm or of the heat of the moment but the words still echoed inside his head.

Maybe you don't mean it but he would never forget it. And that's the moment he understood he messed up, how could he let you go? How could he ever live without feeling you this close? Now that he tasted you once, he was certain he could never continue without you by his side, he could never make it without hearing you telling him that you love him.

But this is the last time he'll ever hear it. He knows it and that's the reason he is sobbing. He made you his tonight but at the price of missing you forever, never having the chance to have you again.

Leaving the airport, Jay looked at his left hand, a bit of paint remaining on his skin, he smiled at it before walking away, hands in pocket, thinking how he would never forget the French girl he met during his college years. His heart broken, he knows he'll spend days and nights thinking about you and the last few words you exchanged knowing he'll hear them until the end of time. There was a moment in your life where you loved him and it was enough for his heart to keep beating a bit longer.