xramyeonz

[xramyeonz]

CRUSH - lhs TEASER

Pairing: Lee Heeseung x freader

Genre: fluff?; slow burn?

Word count: teaser is around 5k (yeah it’s a lot)

Warnings: yn has never been in love, Heeseung is yn’s brother’s bestfriend, mention of other idols, pet name that’ll make you throw up, English isn’t my first language sorry for every mistakes made I’m still working on it

Full story will be out before the world ends (hopefully)

Never being in a relationship may have fucked up your perception of love. You were born a hopeless romantic, as far as you can remember you have always been waiting for that day where you would fall in love and never let go of this person. You really wished it happened but years passed and still there was no one. You debilerately didn't date at first because no matter how much pressure your friends used to put on you during your school days there was no way you had a boyfriend at the ripe age of 8 (that and also Adam was really bad looking). Anyway at 8 you weren't interested in having a wedding during play time with some guys you were sure you would be ashamed of later.

When you hit middle school you were still reluctant of this idea, it's hard for a teenage girl to grow properly if she has to deal with a man. And guys are so annoying at 14 years old, let alone how bad looking they are, no it wasn't for you. At 14 guys were discovering sex and they would have made you like some kind of slut anyway so there was no way.

During highschool you weren't against experiencing love, at this point you had seen "to all the boys I loved before" and you were secretly wishing Peter Kavinsky would find you somehow (the Peter from the first movie not the one that wasn't waiting for Lara Jean in the hot tub duh). You were only disapointed when you realised boys were still not to your liking, and still annoying, and Peter Kavinsky wasn't real. But also, they weren't looking at you. To be honest you were never the center of everybody's attention but you weren't left aside that much. But highschool turned things, you never realised how much more beautiful your friends were until the moment it hit you. Guys were all over them while no one looked back at you, not that you would have looked their way, but still you realised that maybe, guys found you ugly.

And this is how you ended up still lonely, unloved and virgin at 23 years old. Sure 23 isn't old, you're still so young, but every time you tell someone that no, you had never been in a relationship, no you were never in a situationship, no you never reached the "talking stage" with anybody, they always hit you with the "No way you're lying" or "You're not missing out on anything don't worry love only hurts" and even worse "You'll see, love will come when you least expect it" as if you were expecting anything anymore. Like your bestfriend would always say, you're the ultimate virgin: no kiss, no hook ups, no relationship, not even a crush (celebrity crush doesn't count since they are out of reach anyway).

Howeber being born a hopeless romantic you had to somehow fill the empty void in your heart, that's how you ended up watching rom-coms, romance anime, all sort of drama, your favourite songs were all about love, you began to read romance books, manhwas, romance mangas, and the devil itself: fanfictions. You were something like 13 when you discovered wattpad and fanfictions, you couldn't believe what you discovered that night. You had to put an all nighter to process everything, it was like the pandora box, there was so many love stories for free, you rushed to read as many as possible, always waiting for updates to your favourite stories. This is how you discovered what they called lemons at first, the smut, you would've never imagined that at 23 you were still reading about it and still wonder how it really is.

This made you who you are today, the quiet single girl, reading things on her phone. Everybody around you knew how single you felt inside, claiming either that you would end up alone anyway and that no man deserves you or even that you're still single because it meant that you would end up with the sexiest, prettiest, loveliest, richest most perfect man on earth (stay delulu).

And you think about your prolonged celibacy when you see two person kissing right in front of you while you're waiting in line to get cookies for you and your bestfriend, and with Juno by Sabrina Carpenter playing on the background you swear that if those two motherfuckers in front of you don't separate asap you'll start throwing hands.

"Stop hating on them I can see the daggers your eyes are throwing." Kazuha said, walking toward you.

You sighed, "I can't take it anymore, one more couple and I'll just kill myself." You mimicked beheading yourself with your thumb as if it was a knife.

"It's the campus couple's dating place, what were you expecting?" She whislted a laugh, replacing her hair behind her ears while looking at her phone. She was right, what exactly were you expecting, it's always like that, people are always eating each other's face as if they wished to swallow the other one right in front of you. No you're not jealous, you just wish they were more considerate of other people around them.

You practically ran back to your class after eating outside just to be back in the anxiety of university courses, what a delight. Kazuha followed you, amused and just plopped on the sit next to you, the auditorium wasn't full, you still had time before the beggining of the next lecture and Kazuha took advantage of it to show you all her campus crush's pictures. He is known among every student for being one of the hotest boys on campus. There was a day when you and Kazuha were trying to find a vending machine and you randomly crossed his path, it was the day Kazuha developped sort of a crush on him after he smilled in your direction.

By sort of a crush what you really mean is that she began to call him her husband everyday and sending you pictures of him on her secret twitter account. You don't know where she got all those thirst traps of him but there sure is a lot and you can't deny the fact that he is good looking. What you find weird is the fangirling, she doesn't know him, has never heard him talking or do anything else than walking on campus or posing on those pictures? The only thing she knows is that his name is Lee Heeseung, he is 2 years older than you, he majors in sociology, he likes playing basketball and he is popular for his doe eyes.

But for her knowing that little about him is making all this "campus crush" thing funnier as she says. She treats it like a celebrity crush, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with him but she enjoys the view of him and the excitment whenever she sees him on the other side of the road. Sometimes she forces you to follow her, making a detour just to cross his path and giggle when she realised that you walked right in front of him, always claiming that she sweared he looked at you or that he seemed geniunely curious about you.

No matter how awkward it was you had to cope with that crush thing, you were the only follower to that secret twitter account she had and where she posted all of her crushes, from Lee Heeseung to Zayn Malik, each time she came across a picture of one of her crushes she just had to tweet about it, and to be honest it was really funny to witness, every off putting comment about how she could die for the man on the picture or how she deserves to be their wife made you laugh, some innocent freakyness never hurt anyone.

"Oh you should take a look to the last picture Carlos Sainz posted on his instagram he looks sooo yu-"

"What the-" You suddenly heard the group of girls on the row in front of you laughing louder, cutting Kazuha's fangirling session. They all turned toward you two, eyes wide on shock and mouth covered by their hands as they where giggling and whispering to each others. You shoot a glance at Kazuha who wasn't understanding either what was their problem. You knew those girls, two were Kazuha's roommates, they weren't close friends but they got allong well so such weird behaviour was really surprising coming from them. After a minute of incomprehension, one of Kazuha's roommate turned around with her phone in hand. "Kazuha is that you?" She handed you the phone and you gasped in shock, a shock that was nothing compared to the terror in Kazuha's eyes. Automatically her eyes found yours, it was unthinkable but her secret account had been discovered. The tweet Yuna was showing you was one of the numerous pictures of Heeseung where Kazuha commented "looking so fine and for what?".

Everybody's eyes inside the auditorium was on you, regardless if they heard what was happening or not, if they knew what was happening or not, everybody had their eyes on you and Kazuha who probably wished to disappear right away.

"W-well I-" she stutters, searching for something to say just to make this whole thing less embarassing but it was too hard to witness. You've never seen Kazuha so embarassed before, you could only guess what was going through her head. These four girls knew who Heeseung was. You were already imagining Kazuha's distress when she would just be inside her dorm whith her roommates also there, just talking about how Kazuha was a weird fangirl.

"It's not hers it's mine." You blurted out without even thinking.

All eyes shifted to you, the shock on their faces only growing because everybody knew you as the no boyfriend girl. Even you were shocked about what you just did, you sacrificed your whole social life in order to protect Kazuha's reputation. This whole discreet attitude, you always did your best not to attract unwanted attention, all this work was long forgotten now. Kazuha snapped her head toward you, the fear inside her eyes was now mixed with incomprehension. Why would you even do that?

You were already regretting that dumb decision your stupid mouth made by itself. Now you were just mentally preparing yourself for the worse time of your life, far ahead of the day you had your wisdom teeth removed.

"So you have a crush on him?" You saw one of the girls ask and you knew she had something in mind while asking that. The mission was clear right now, you had to limit the damage, by all cost.

The thought of it made no sense to you, no you couldn't possibly have just a slight crush for him. But for Kazuha's sake you had to put on the act of your life. "He is good looking, is it that shocking?" the nonchalance in your tone was crazy, somebody give you an oscar right now because you're giving the act of your whole life.

But after all you didn't lie, you found the man good looking.

"No it's just that... I wasn't expecting you out of all people to have such account..."

As you were about to answer, the teacher came in and started the lecture right away switching everybody's attention to whatever he was saying, even tho you still saw the girls stealing glances in your direction. This was incomparable to the day you got your wisdom teeth removed, it was way less painful back then.

"Thank you..." Kazuha whispered, making you sigh.

"You owe me for your whole life now girl..."

By the end of the week you knew everybody knew about your secret fan girl twitter account, you were suddenly the centre of everybody's attention, people shooting glances at you every now and then. After the incident, you made sure with Kazuha that she DELETED that stupid account before even more damages were made (even if you deeply knew it was too late). You were suddenly glad that you weren't in the same major Heeseung was in, at least you would not be running into him randomly. There was still a very thin chance that he would never hear about that fangirl account or something and this is quite litteraly what you were wishing for.

You had to wait for a week before you stopped hearing whispers whenever you walked by (it's hard to think that you're in university and not highshcool with how people reacted to this whole drama...) the storm was now behind you (or so you like to think), you just had to go ahead, and by going ahead you really meant anywhere but near the sociology major zone, out of fear that you'll run into Heeseung. That's why when Kazuha asked you to go to a party you refused, knowing that it's always one of Heeseung's friends throwing parties, and you weren't taking that risk.

But of course you never refuse anything to Kazuha, it's just how you show your love to your friends -even though sometimes you wish your love language would've been words of affirmations and not give in to whatever your friends want- and one thing lead to another you were ready, in front of the house where the party was being held. It was the -huge- house of one of the guys in the same major as Heeseung, but Kazuha swore to you that he wasn't going to be at the party because he was busy, it was Kazuha's roomate that told her that and (it helped Kazuha getting what she wanted: you going to the party). The sight of the house left you wordless because you weren't aware at all that someone that rich would be studying in the same university as you.

The house was so impressive it got you stuck in front of the doorway, staring at it while considering if you were dressed well enough just to step inside and the answer obviously was no. You were just wearing a cargo pant with a crop top and a leather jacket, of course you weren't wearing someting good enough for the house.

"I can't..." you said to yourself, turning around. It didn't matter that you just texted Kazuha to say that you arrived, you were ready to run back to your place and you really would've done it if it wasn't for the man you bumped into.

"Are you running away?" A soft chuckle leaving his lips as you shifted your gaze to his face, only for you to recognize Lee Heeseung.

The first thing you thought about was the LIE Kazuha had told you, the man was right in front of you in the flesh. For a "too busy to be here" man he seemed very present, relaxed and free.

It was far from your first time seeing him this close but for a second your breath was cut, your body stiffening as if you were caught red handed doing something bad. Either it's the shame of getting caught chickening out of a party, the guilt of knowing that you -kind of- stalked him for the past year because of your best friend, or the overwhelming embarasment of the possibilty of him knowing that you were the one managing a fangirl account of him even if it isn't really you...

You quickly tried to regain composure from the built embarassement inside of you before answering him with some poorly faked nonchalance, wondering where your acting skills had gone "I just don't feel like going anymore, I think I'm sick or-"

His laugh echoing in your ears and his hand on your lower back stopped you from talking. He used his unexpected grab on you to turn you around with one hand on your shoulder, the other still well placed on your lower back. You then felt him leaning toward you and the heat of his breath dying close to your ear as he told you: "C'mon let's have fun inside."

You gasped.

The man didn't give you a single chance to escape, he was pushing you toward the doorway no matter that you gave him a desperate look or that you shook your head, he seemed determined to take you to that party. If it was somebody else you would have taken their hands away from you an maybe you would've even scream at them, but there was something with Heeseung that stopped you from doing so, a supernatural force that just broke your ability to talk and disconnected your legs from your brain leaving them on auto-pilot, forcing you to follow Heeseung's lead.

As he pushed you inside, you realised that being impressed of the doorway was stupid, you should've guessed that the inside would be worse. The entry was huge, so was the garden and the pool inside of it. There was people everywhere, music blasting (not that you just discovered it, you just didn't pay attention to it when you were in front of the house), even the lights were set in a cool way, there was colorful neon around the place maybe to give a more partyish vibe and it worked just fine because for an instant you thought you were at a fancy party that Jackson Wang hosted like in every single fanfiction.

After a few seconds of being impresed by the place, you realised that Heeseung's hands weren't on you anymore, taking it as your sign to finally run away from here but the man was still paying attention to you and once again stopped your from running away.

"Stop holding me hostage and let me go home please." You pleaded, both your hands joined in prayer sign with the best doe eyes you were capable of.

He lifted the hand that wasn't busy keeping you from escaping the party and moved his pointing finger from left to right, shaking his head along to say no, he wasn't letting you go home.

You sighed in defeat, maybe this was the universe's way to tell you that you had to stay here, and at least you'll have some tea to spill when you'll fid Kazuha amongst the crowd of the party. You'll tell her how her campus crush hold you hostage and made you move around inside the house with his arm resting around your shoulders- When did he put his arm on your shoulders?- Once again your body was moving alone, following Heeseung inside the house, toward the living room where his friend group was settled. When you realised the arm on your shoulders you pushed it gently, you were uncomfortable with this and he understood it, immediately taking it down while muttering a slight "sorry", he still kept pushing his hand on your lower back to lead you toward one of the free couches.

As you pop down on the leather sofa, you realise that Heeseung dragged you far enough so that people will not give attention to the both of you and you let out a defeated sight. You tried so hard not to get involved with him.

"Why would you come to a party just to renounce last minute?" Heeseung asks you, his tone seemingly geniunely curious. You can't tell what it is but something in his demeanor is telling you he will not let you go so soon. His body is fully turned toward you, his crossed legs touching yours, the slight friction making you contract your legs' muscles each time.

"My friend asked me to come but you know... I just don't like parties..."

"Why isn't your friend with you? They chickened out as well?" He jocked. He doesn't believe you, either because he thinks you're a loser and you don't have any friends or he knows. For your own well being you'll think it's the first option.

You gave him a side eye, making him smirk. Oh he shouldn't be giving you that look, you're not really in the mood to get teased by him. "No, she must be somewhere in the crowd, I texted her that I was here a minute ago so-"

"-Let's wait for her here then."

The mood suddenly shifted into one that you couldn't quite describe, it was just the way his eyes wouldn't let go of your figure... What was his problem? Maybe you looked really bad? Or funny?

Or he knew...

"I really don't think I'll enjoy the party... let me go please." you whined once again, maybe you'll end up having what you want if you ask non stop for it.

For the nth time you looked at him as he shook his head in disaproval "There is no going home, I'll help you enjoying tonight don't worry." The same smirk sticking on his face as if it would kill him to just not look at you as if he was permanently teasing you. "I'm your shining armor knight, here to help you have the night of your life baby love." A scoff escaped your lips because of how cheesy that line was, and you almost threw up because of the emphasis on the cringey nickname he gave you. He did it on purpose because he knew how you'd react to it, espacially to that specific pet name, he knew you too well.

"Heeseung..." you grouched, eyes fixed on his while he looked at you with a slight pout on his face, he was mocking you, giving you false pity. You knew from the beginning it was useless to try to escape from him if he caught you.

Heeseung and you knew each other since you were 10 and him 12. Your older brother had a huge group of friend -unlike you- and Heeseung was one of them. You never paid attention to your brother's friends. Why? Because you were uninterested in them to the point it was hard for you to remember some of their names. If your brother was a social butterfly and tried to befriend every human being it wasn't your case, plus you had enough friends on your own to try to befriend his. That was until Heeseung.

The first time you saw him he seemed shy, when your brother opened the door wide and declared that you had to let them use the big tv so they could have a smash bros tournament Heeseung seemed uneasy with that idea. You remember it because when you took your stuffs to leave -while rolling your eyes and giving the biggest attitude to your brother- Heeseung excused himself for disturbing you. That is how you ended up remembering him as the polite one. Since he was the polite one, you were cool with him. You learned his name fast as he was often going to your place to do whatever teenage boys like to do and that you're not interested in. And at some point you began to chit-chat with him learning things about each other and he ended up opening to you. And it was the moment you learned who really was Heeseung.

Of course he was well behaved, his parents taught him well and they had a beautiful son. At some point Heeseung became such a regular at yours that you weren't even surprised when he walked inside your house, you recognized him when he knocked on your door - five very recognizable firm knocks spaced by several seconds each to make it dramatic - in the end he was really nice and for once you could understand what your brother saw in him, he was fun to be around, a good friend.

But this was hidding his real true identity, there is a reason why he became friend with someone like your brother, if they clicked that well it was because they were similar in some aspects.

Heeseung was popular, you would've never guessed it based on how he behaved at home but he really enjoyed it. Back then you were kind of unaware of his and your brother's popularity, unaware that the attention your brother and Heeseung gave you would soon become the worst thing to deal with ever. At first they treated you as some sort of mascot, each time they walked past you they would scream your name, make you name the one you liked the most -nobody was surprised when you always answered Heeseung-, they forced you to walk with them to go home, dragging you around with them each time they crashed at the town's old soccer field until late.

And the rumor got spread way too easily that Beomgyu's sister was in the building and that she always spent time with his whole friendgroup, but especially with Heeseung.

Your friends found it very cool but you didn't. Older girls began to walk to you, taking you away from your friends to talk about your brother and Heeseung, always and suddenly everything began to be about them. What was Heeseung like when not at school? What was your brother's favourite tv show? Have they ever talk to you about girls? Who?

After you explicitely told them that you didn't wanted to talk about them those same girls that treated you like a friend became hostil to you, glaring at you each time your brother or Heeseung would walk past you and tease you about something casual, some even began to create sort of a competition of who is closer to the boys even if you never agreed on participating.

You hoped it would stop after they left middle school for highschool. You had a break for two years. Nobody was triggered by your interractions with them. People had nothing to add fuel to their curiosity about your relationship with Heeseung and you finally were at peace. At least at school.

At home, Heeseung began to add to your brother's bullying. They would always tease you about everything, it was armless nothing really deep but it was unwanted attention from them and you were short tempered so they just had to annoy you for the sole fact that it was easy. The main topic of their teasing being your non existent love life, while they had a list of persons waiting just to be looked at by them as long as the Burj Khalifa. You were suddenly the bitchless loser of the house, reading about romance all the time but never being the one living it.

Then you went to highschool. And they were there.

For a whole year they made sure to drive you crazy. Encouraged by your brother, Heeseung began to call you by every pet name known to mankind, just because they saw one when they stole one of your books. Boo, sugarplum, cutie pie, darling, honey bear... you had no break. His favourite one was baby love, you almost threw up every time he called you that but it made him so happy to see your constipated face whenever he called you that in public.

On the bright side since your first middle school year you were more brave and even tho people knew something was up between you and those two, no one really went to you to ask about it, the glares remained but at least they were silent.

When they graduated and eventually went to college it stopped. Heeseung wasn't around that much anymore and he seemed to be busy. Maybe it was college that kept him from visiting or whatever but it made your life way calmer and god how much you liked that. The few times you saw him it was brief but he never missed a chance to tease you with the pet name you couldn't escape from, baby love. It was just so stupid but it sticked. Even your own parents began to call you that and you almost became crazy. Every time they called you that, you thought about Heeseung, cursed at him for being the reason your whole family refered to you as baby love, and more because if someone should be calling you that it should be only him. After all he was the one who made that pet name up, not the others.

When you moved to uni you knew Heeseung was majoring in sociology and that your own university was providing a sociology major, you just didn't know where he was studying but the chances for him being in the exact same university as the one you wanted was so low that you went there easy minded. When you realised that you should have asked your brother where his bestfriend studied it was already too late, he was on campus, on the first day of class, his eyes as wide as his smile.

You don't have no superpower but you knew what he was thinking, he wanted to jump on you and celebrate your reunion. But before he embarassed you in front of the whole campus you ran from him. You decided that instead of asking him to leave you, you would ignore him. But of course you can never escape forever, reality always punched you in the end, you couldn't stay away from him forever.

"Why are you even doing this?" you asked, in reality you knew he just missed teasing you and a part of you missed him too because, if he was mainly annoying he wasn't always a nuisance and sometimes you had really good conversations with him. But you were stressed out regarding a certain twitter account, but he hadn't say about it yet so you were starting to assume that maybe -just maybe- he didn't know.

"Because I caught you running away."He giggled.

You rolled your eyes, before looking back at him deadpan. "I didn't try to run away."

"Yes you did."

"Ok I did."

He laughed, easing the tension or whatever was making this situation feel somewhat heavy. You were glad because you couldn't bare the creeping hotness on your body that -you were absolutely sure- made you flush. Hopefully the dim light had your back hiding your red face from him.

You also hope the faded lights were hidding your secret glances at him. You didn't know where to look at, because looking at him seemed too much for you but there also was the fact that your eyes were just attracted to him. You wanted to detail him, look every detail of his face, understand how he parted his hair or witness for yourself his famous bambi eyes that you avoided for so long but that you really liked in reality. It had been so long since you've seen him this close, you felt like getting back you favourite old teddy bear. But you couldn't, the only thing you allowed yourself to look at without too much shame were his clothes, you were surprised to see that you somehow matched tonight, he was dressed in the same colors as you, that made you smile.

"Now that I caught you Y/N I had a question..."

You humed a slight "hm" while nodding, if he wanted to kow why you escaped from him you knew that you will have no shame telling him that he was as embarassing as an intrusive parent and that if he wanted you to behave otherwise than you've been, then he had to stop the pet names and everything else, just drop the teasing.

"Do you really think that I'm breedable? And agonizingly good looking?" He finally asked, on a teasing tone pressing his lips together on a line to prevent himself from laughing at you

[xramyeonz]

Before you go - pjs

Park Jongseong x fem!reader

Synopsis: Jay knew he shouldn't get too attached to the exchanged student, he just couldn't help it.

Contains smut, 18+ minors dni

Warnings: not so well written (sorry), y/n cheats, jay is down bad, low quality smut in the end, sort of angst?, a bit of fluff, unprotected sex, fingering, kissing, y/n is french (sorry)

Words count: somewhere around 6k

na: This is my first post ever and English isn't even my first language, I hope there isn't too many mistakes and this isn't so bad. I just wanted to shoot my shot. Enjoy!!

It was time, time for you to leave. By the airport's window Jay could see your plane slowly leaving, taking you away from him. It was for the better, he knew it from the start, it was all useless to get too attached to the french exchanged student because at some point you'll leave. He knew it, that's why after the plane was up in the sky he decided it was all over. No more frenchie yapping in his ears all day long, no more of your so called casual outfits where you looked like you were really getting ready to go party or something like that. No more you.

He tried to ignore the sting inside his heart at the thought of it, yeah, no more you.

He remembered the first time he saw you walk inside the library. You looked lost, like you didn't belong to this place where most people where just wearing sweat and large pants because there was no point in dressing up just to go study. But there you were, all dressed up in your black miniskirt and your high socks. You looked very good in it, your legs especially. When he saw you, Jay thought that you were cool. He couldn't help it, he likes to dress up and seeing someone wearing something other than a pajama like outfit was like the highlight of his day.

You sat not so far from him, taking your laptop out of your leather bag and tried to work right away. unfortunately it seemed that something was bothering you and you began to look around you in search of some sort of help.

At this point, Jay forgot about his work, too busy looking at you and your straightened hair, wondering where you came from. Because he was absolutely sure he never saw you before. Maybe you were from another town far from here and just moved but since it was mid semester there was no point in joining new courses now.

He was just so curious about you. Wondering where you were from yes but also what was in you that attracted him so much. Was it your mysterious gaze or the faint smirk that creeped on your face once you remarqued him staring at you. He couldn't think further because before he knew it, you were waving at him.

It took the poor lost in thoughts Jay out of his mind and he looked nervously around before pointing at him to be sure you were really waving at him. When you nodded he found it weird but just puffed a smile a casually waved back, trying to keep a cool nonchalant demeanour. Then he focused back on the document he was working on before you entered the library and totaly distracted him. But every word he was reading was gibberish to him, he was deeply embarassed that you caught him staring at you.

Jay wasn't the one to be caught in a situation like that, he was always the one people looked at, not otherwise. He was the popular one, after all he played very good guitar, dressed well, he was smart, rich... He had everything, that's why he was never bothered by anyone, he was just living in an other world compared to them.

When the chair beside him was pulled out Jay didn't look it out, he was playing the role of the deep in thoughts man, his eyebrows joined in a concentrated frown while tapping his pen on his left knee.

"Hi." He heared a soft voice whisper beside him.

He had never heard this voice before, he would've remember such a soft voice. He raised his head, curious about the girl that just sat beside him, only to see you, sat close to him, your whole body turned toward him. He raised an eyebrow before he answered a low "Hi?"

You smiled at him almost shyly before taking a big breath. "Do you happen to know what the wi-fi password is?"

Without control over his face, he looked at you with wide eyes, he had his answer, it wasn't that you were from another city, you were from France a whole other country. He could hear it clearly, your accent was cute, you tried your best to pronounce words the right way, he could feel it but it was just too strong to just disappear. On top of that your voice wasn't just soft, it was kind of angelic, it was music to his ears.

All his senses where alerted, it was the first time he felt that way. He was drawn to you. He understood that right away. There was just something in the combination of your looks, your voice and your aura that intrigued him way more than he would like to admit. He gave you the password, of course he did, he would've done whatever you wanted at that right moment.

For your confident smile he would've abandoned his family and motherland without thinking twice. And the fact that you stayed beside him to talk just made him so happy that he never went back to work on the document he was supposed to. Unfortunately you got thrown out of the library after a few minutes because you were making way too much noise for the librarian's taste.

In reality it leaded you two to have a great moment together, he learned a lot about you. You were here for the rest of the school year, just arrived a few days ago and didn't know anything or anybody. Hearing that, Jay offered without a second thought to present you to his whole friend group. And that he did.

Soon you became the group's mascot, everybody liked you, you were nice, kind of sarcastic but that made your charm. He discovered so much things about you in such a short amount of time, from your favourite colour to your very favourite french song.

There wasn't a day without you two seeing each other. You would always talk about everything and anything, helping each other with your outfit choices, purposely matching to every party you went to. If everybody liked you, the one you were the closest to was Jay.

You were attending the same courses, always sitting beside each other, your hand oh so innocently resting on his forearm, your head resting on his shoulders during your early classes while you complained about your lack of sleep and how even after months here you were still jetlagged. Jay wasn't found of physical touch, everybody knew that, he loved and cherished his personnal space, but he made an exception for you. He would always drag you closer when it was cold outside, letting you wrap your arm around his and slowly sliding your hand inside his pocket while locking your fingers together. He loved your hands, not always soft because of the amount of time you washed your hands after getting paint all over them.

He loved the nights at yours, him cooking in your kitchen while you were painting while humming along to Chase Atlantic's songs or even when you begged him to play the guitar for you because it helped you being more creative.

He loved how every night you forced him to spend hours sat by the table after dinner just to discuss and debate. He absolutely loved how no matter that you could speak really good english your french accent was still right there and couldn't refrain his laughter whenever a french word slipped out of your mouth even when they were in majority cuss words.

There was that one time where he asked you to teach him some french and he sweared he never saw you so brightly smiling for him before. He couldn't get a grisp on whatever you were telling him but each time he repeated the unpronounceable words you asked him to, you seemed so happy that he never gathered the courage to tell you that he had no idea what you were telling him.

Whenever he was with you he always dropped the nonchalant act, feeling like a fool. In front of you he was vulnerable, and maybe in some masochistic way it was the feeling of it that always dragged him back to you. Him that had always been called the black cat due to his unfazed bahviour ended up acting like a puppy in front of you. Whatever you craved he got it for you, if you missed a french meal he would be cooking it just for your dinner after running to the only store that selled what was necessary to make it. He was trying his best to help you feel at home because in some way he felt like at home with you.

Sometimes you told him about your life in France, parties until 6 in the morning inside a fancy parisian apartment and long talk with your friends by the terrace of a café in the countryside. You would always tell him how he would fit perfectly amongst your french friend group, how he would look perfect by your side while dancing during the "fete de la musique". And he ended up picturing himself leaving this life beside you. He could see himself passing by the haussmanians building of Paris with your hand inside of his.

During those few months he didn't got attached to you, it was beyond that, he got addicted to you as if you were some kind of highly dangerous drugs. The others saw you two getting closer in record time, leading them to tease Jay whenever they could see you, and each time Jay lowered his head displaying a sheepish smile on his face, because each time his friends would try to bother him by saying that he was so in love with you and that his eyes suddenly took a heart shape, Jay couldn't deny that they were somehow a bit right about it.

He couldn't ignore his quickening heartbeats whenever you were getting closer to him, kissing his cheek to say hello or good bye, it didn't matter that you did it with everybody, there was something different in the way you kissed him hello.

"Did you know that Y/N actually has a boyfriend?" Said Jake once.

Jay's heart skipped a beat hearing it. You never mentioned being in a relationship before, not in front of him or anybody else. He hardly swallowed his coffee, feigning indifference but suddenly paying real close attention to his australian friend's word.

"I heard it from Lily, she said that they badly argued over the phone yesterday. Apparently Y/N is realy down." Jake's words echoed in Jay's head. Why was he behaving as if it was a real fact? Jay wanted to prove him wrong because he knew there was something behind your relationship, it wasn't just friendship, it was deeper than that, he knew it. If not why would you compliment him the way you did? If not why would you cuddle with him during hours.

Seeing Jay's confused expression, Jake got concerned, he knew that his friend was attached to you more than he would admit it. The lost gaze of his friend made him worried, did you play with Jay's feelings? "You good?" He asked before he witnessed Jay getting up and taking his coat to leave, getting the Aussie boy even more concerned.

"Yeah, gotta go see her, she must be needing support y'know."

"What about you? You sure you're not like disappointed?"

Jay shrugged, looking straight at his reflection in the miror, checking if he was perfect like it was the only thing in his mind right now when it really wasn’t. "Y/N's leaving soon, there is nothing to be disappointed about, I wasn't getting attached to her anyway, there is no point."

"Right..." Jake choose to believe his friend even tho he really knew it would be hard to be convinced with those words after Jay practically flew away from their dorm, his jaw clenched.

When he arrived at yours Jay didn't know what to do, should he ask you for some explanations? Then it hit him, explanation for what? You weren't in a relationship. No matter that he thought that you two behaved like a couple, you weren't officialy his girlfriend. It was a hard pill to swallow, there was nothing, nothing for him to be mad about or for his throat to hurt like it was hurting right at that moment in front of your door. He could open the door, he knew your password, he could go inside and find you but he couldn't. The tears gathered in his eyes were about to overflow and he didn't want to appear all teary in front of you, not when he just discovered that you meant more to him that he did to you.

He suddenly wished he met you before, before he was even ready to love you, he wished you never crossed another man's path before you met him so that he would've been the first and last to hold you in his arms and tell you every little thing that made you smile.

For a second and for the first time in his whole life he wished he was another man, he wished he could be the one to call you his.

That night he went back to his dorm without seeing you, Jake was confused to say the least. Jay told him he couldn't make it to yours because of something that suddenly came up but his friend knew from his reddish and lightly swollen eyes that Jay tried to hide behind glasses that he cried.

The following days, Jay acted as if nothing was wrong. Talking with everybody like everything was normal but distancing slowly from you. Suddenly he couldn't find the time to cook for you or to look at the beautiful drawings you did. He didn't bother to debate with you anymore, it was clear for him, he had to distance himself from you, because he couldn't keep feeling his heart dropping each time you layed your eyes on him or when he heard your french accent. He couldn't because it was driving him crazy, he was losing his mind, couldn't stopping his eyes from lingering on your figure, appreciating every trait of your face or every time your eyes locked with his for a second, him reading the incomprehension in your gaze.

You tried to talk to him, to know why he was suddenly so avoidant and the only excuse he could come up with was that he was too busy. Then he stopped going to parties, he didn't want to stay with you for too long, classes with you were already torture to his heart, he could never handle a party with you without getting close to you. He knew that the moment alcohol would get in his sistem then his nature would take over the distant act because it was natural for him to be near you. And he couldn't let you break his heart, because he always knew that he shouldn't get too close.

That distanced him from you and he others, they always told him they missed him but Jay justified his absence by saying he was tired, that he was busy with family stuffs but he knew no one really believed him, especially you.

The few times he was part of something it was when all the boys decided to reunite in his and jake's dorm for a boys night. That's during one of these boys nights hat he heard Heeseung say something that made his whole body froze.

"I can't believe Y/N is leaving next week..."

"Right?" Agreed Jungwon. "It feels like yesterday the day Jay introduced her."

Jay wasn't listening anymore, he knew it would eventually happen, you leaving for good. But he distanced himself enough not to be hurt at all, no he was absolutely fine. It has been enough time since the last time he let you kiss his cheeks with your pillow like lips for him to not miss the feeling at all, he doesn't even remember the feeling of you kissing his cheek, it's all good, he isn't moved by the news at all.

"Hey come back with us." the youngest of the boys, Riki, shaked Jay to get him back with them.

Jay didn't even realize he was zoning out thinking about you, he thought he just remembered a thing or two about you but he was still attentive to whatever was said in the dorm. Unfortunately he was totally out of it. All the boys shared a knowing glance, looking next at their friend who tried to act nonchalant the best he could but really, he looked confused, his long face dispalying the whole internal fight that he had been trying to hide this whole time.

Jay smiled at his friend, as if nothing was wrong, telling them to continue and they did. He then realized what the topic had been while he was lost in thoughts, your last party here. They were discussing the place, the snacks and drinks, the music but also the people invited to that party.

"Y/N said she really wants Jay there..."

The weight of all eyes suddenly on him disturbed Jay, he almost choked on his coke can but succeeded to keep a cool demeanour. They looked almost accusing, trying to guilt trap him or something like that. Jay's eyes met Jake's, he was the one who told him about you, he shouldn't be on everyone's side but he seemed to be nonetheless.

And then he began to wonder, should he just go there? After all this was your last night with them, the last time he could see you. His head and his heart screamed two different things, the first ordered him to be rational, he had already been hurt he shouldn't push further into this if he didn't want to break. The latest supplicating to have one last chance to see the girl that made it beat. Even if he had to stay far away from her, Jay's heart wanted to be in your presence one last time.

"If I'm not too busy I'll pass by..." Jay told his friend in a cold tone that contrasted totally with the heat of feelings inside of him.

Days passed by real quick and in the end there he was, standing in front of the door of your place, the same one he went to a countless time. The same one in front of which he stayed that evening after he learned that you were taken, the same one in front of which he decided he had to distance himself for his own good. But for the first time he was anxious, stressed about the thought of seeing you again, for the last time before you left tomorrow morning.

His wet hand on the door handle, he slowly pushed the door to get inside, the hot hair inside hitting him. He came late on purpose, he thought that maybe that way you wouldn't notice him. That was his plan, watching you from afar, remembering the good times with you by himself without getting involved with you.

"You came!" He heard your excited voice as soon as he poot a foot inside your place.

Right in front of him, there you were. Close to the door as if you were just waiting for him since the beginning but Jay knew that wasn't the case, you already had someone.

Unlike him you had been partying for a while now, your makeup wasn't as fresh as when the party began, only a souvenir of your expensive Dior gloss remaining on your lips but Jay still recognized it, it was your favourite one, the one you got together on your first week here. Your cheeks seemed a bit red, either because of the alcohol or because of the heat inside. Or maybe both, even though Jay hoped it was because of him.

You didn't think about any of it when you jumped on Jay as if he was the most important person on earth. He knew he shouldn't be troubled by it but he couldn't stop a hot feeling creeping inside of him, forcing him to close his arms around your hot body as if it was their place, his arms belonged there, around you, pulling you impossibly closer.

During the bat of an eye he felt his heart connected to yours, imagining how things would've been if your heart beat for him like his beat for you. He imagined the symphony of your love, during what it takes for him to feel your hot breath in the crook of his neck, he hears the melody of the story that would never start.

You're quick to pull back, way too quick for his liking but at least he got the opportunity of looking at you so close. Looking straight into your mesmerizing gaze, finding back the lyrical feeling that inspired him so many melodies that he played to you until the sun was up. Needless to say he found you beautiful as always, from the beginning he thought you looked more like an angel than a human.

"I missed you."

Your eyes opening a bit wider after hearing this sentence coming out of his usually sealed lips. Jay wasn't expecting to say it either, he was just as surprised as you but remained calm because he knew that the walls he built with so much pain would collapse near you, he just didn't know it would only take a hug for it to be destroyed.

You pouted, caressing Jay's cheeks with such tenderness that he believed he was dreaming this moment. Even your gaze was communicating a love that he prayed was real, he hoped his delusions were real, just this once, he wanted the love he imagined in your eyes to be real.

"I missed you more..." you answered, an almost melancholic look on your face, as if you gave as much importance to your shared memories as he did.

But it wasn't near possible, he knew that.

For another couple of seconds none of you dared to open your mouth. Maybe in fear to ruin the mood or because you were just enjoying each other's presence, just to re-tame each other through loving glances and soft touches. His hands on your waist, stroking oh so preciously the skin under his fingers tips that wasn't covered by your clothes while you were running your fingers through his hair and he loved it.

"C'mon..." You whispered, finally breaking the magic between you as your hands slipped from his hair to his hand without breaking contact as if it would kill you both.

You dragged him around your place and Jay suddenly remembered this was your farewell party and he panicked. Was this the last alone moment he shared with you before you left? He became awfully aware of the music and  the voices of your shared friends inside the small apartment. He realized that instead of running away from you he should have taken the most of each moment he could've shared with you. The time he lost will never come back and while watching your hand firmly wrapped around yours he cursed at him, and his own stupid feelings, not even realizing that you didn't stopped in your living room but inside your bedroom.

This sacred place where you cuddled until both of you fell asleep before. You left him in the middle of the room, carefully closing the door before searching something in your formerly closed suitcase.

He did little more that blankly staring at you, lost in regrets thinking about how different tonight would've been if he never distanced himself from you because either way when he discovered you weren't single he was already down bad for you, six feet deep whenever you weren't near him, feeling the loss each time his gaze wasn't on you anymore.

And as if to free him from his disturbed thoughts you came to him, handing him a small key. He stared, confused about what he should do with it but still took it, examining the small iron piece his his hand as if there was something to decipher, a puzzle or something but the key was just like you, an enigma.

He lifted his head to look at you and your fond smile, curious to know what this was about.

"This is the key to my apartment..."

Jay frowned, once again he overthought everything, there wasn't anything to understand, you needed to return the keys and he was the perfect person to help you. He nodded and slowly put the keys in his back pocket, ready to leave your bedroom because the deception was getting heavy on his shoulders.

"My apartment in Paris." You added before he dared to put a foot before the other and leave. For the second time his face deformed in confusion, the wrinkles between his eyebrows deepening, what would he even do with your keys?

"So that you can come and see me."

Jay scoffed, was this your way of telling him you wanted to see him again? This wasn't right, he knew it. It wasn't moral of him but the satisfied and relieved smile creeping on his face translated how happy he was to know that you somehow reserved him a place in your heart. Even if it was the stand-in place and not the post holder one, at least he was something to you.

"I wanted to give you the painting I was working on but I couldn't finish it without you by my side..." You said, eyes on the floor like a child.

Were you insinuating that he was the missing piece to something? Did you miss him like he missed you? For real?

Jay felt moved by your words because he remembered each time you told him this painting was important to you, you poured your heart and soul into it and knowing he was the one this was meant for just made his heart flicker. "... so I figured this was the most meaningful thing I could give you."

It wasn't, to him the best thing you could've gave him was your heart, but he knew this wasn't an option. So he just smiled as he looked at you with the same heart shaped eyes his friends made fun of him for.

And just like that he had an idea, if painting had been your way to express yourself then he'll do it too. He would never dare to confess to you with words but maybe, just maybe, if he painted for you he could tell you that every corner of his heart were covered with your colours.

"Where are your painting stuffs? I'll finish it for you."

"Huh?"

Your gaze was killing him, the way your surprise tone sounded in his ears, just like the music inside his heart. Jay knew nothing about painting, nothing except from the thing you told him or the things he saw by admiring you while you were at it, but he had to do it, to make tonight even more special and to let you know what really was inside his heart.

Even in your confused state you got everything out for him to paint and it's only in front of the whole thing that Jay realized that he had no idea about what he was about to do. Maybe you understood it because Jay heard your angelic laughter tickle his eardrums. "Draw me like one of your French girls."

He chuckled, amused by your intervention because he still had a vivid souvenir of you telling him that you hated that line for how stupid it was.

He soaked one of the brush in the painting and clumsily draw on the coloured canvas in front of him, under your curious gaze. He had no idea if this would end up looking good but he gave his all into this, thinking about each souvenir with you, and every melody he would never have the opportunity to sing to you.

After a few minutes he backed up, looking at the shape he drew, it looked a like a lock, just like he wanted to. You gave him the key and he gave you the lock, knowing this wasn't any lock, it was his heart's lock, the one you cracked open a long time ago. He turned his head toward you, just to see if you thought that he ruined your work or not but your amazed eyes gave him the answer he needed, this wasn't ruined.

You moved closer to him, your head slowly leaning on his body. "It's perfect..." you whispered while closing your eyes. He ignored if you got what he wanted to tell you but didn't dare to open his mouth.

As if to enjoy the intimacy of this moment shared by only you, gently, Jay slid his hand on your back and pulled you closer. The atmosphere was too intense, filled with unspoken words and lost precious time. Jay shifted your body a little, just so he could see your face, just to admire you while he still could.

He wished the words weren't trapped in his throat. He wanted to speak, to tell you how he felt, it didn't matter to him what your life in Paris was like and what or who was waiting for you there, right now you were with him and that's all that mattered.

"Kiss me Jay." You suddenly said. Catching him off guard, he had to stare at you, read through your darkened eyes. You looked almost feverish, switching your eyes from his eyes to his lips, shaking the butterflies that were already flying inside his tummy.

He wondered if you were serious, if he heard you right, and so many things but in the end it only took him one second before diving to kiss you. He catches your lips with such intensity that even him was surprised by it.

For the first time he had the opportunity to taste your kiss, not just imagining it, dreaming of the plushy feeling of your lips on his. This was finally happening and he took it as his chance to give you everything he had bottled up until this very moment.

Every hidden desire of his and every bit of the overflowing love he felt was transferred into this kiss. It was desperate, both his hands on your cheeks as if to prevent you from going away because he wasn't done, with just that he couldn't translate his heart.

After what seemed to him to be milliseconds both of you were breathless, struggling to catch your breath with your foreheads against each other. Jay was flustered but not quite satisfied, this was just the emerged side of the ice berg, his feelings were far more intense than this kiss that had your lips swollen and chest heaving.

"Can you give me one last thing?" You breathed out, heavily watching his lips.

"Whatever you want from me." He urged to answer, not caring for a dime what you wanted. May it be an advice, an organ or his soul he would give it to you anytime because he wasn't able to refuse anything to you. Even with both his legs cut he would crawl to you just to satisfy you in hope that you will like him back someday.

This time you were the one initiating the kiss. It was more sensual, more needy and with your hand slowly making its way under his shirt, your touch burning his skin, leaving marks like some burning hot iron. He felt his senses increased, blood flooding inside of him and awakening every repressed desire of his, he was near losing control and it wasn't the sloppy kiss you shared that would stop him.

Your tongue against his, he finally tasted you, and it was the best thing he ever had in his whole life. There was a hint of alcohol in your mouth that just made the kiss even more addictive. He had to mentally force himself not to rush back to your lips when you broke the kiss just to attack his neck with your kisses.

He bit hard his lips at feeling of you trapping his skin between your lips. Once he had the chance he lifted you, taking you to your bed to show you just how badly he longed-for you.

Finally you were under him, cheeks red just like he pictured it in his dreams, he dives back into you, kissing you just to show you how desperate he is. You move under his body, whining oh so delightfully for him.

"Let me love you just for tonight." He whispers, almost sounding like pleading with his voice teared up between the heat of his spilling feelings and the pain of knowing this is the first and last time he'll have the opportunity to. He just wishes to know what it feels like to love you.

You moaned under him, almost inaudible, your arms wrapping around his shoulders as if to answer him, giving him free access to your body and your heart.

Jay has no will to resist anymore, he doesn't care that tomorrow you'll be gone forever, back to your boyfriend's arms. He doesn't think about it anymore but just about his lips crashed onto yours for the nth time, one of his hands reaching for your tight, lifting it while reaching higher.

Your skirt is long gone just like the other pieces of clothes that separated your bare bodies. All Jay cares for is your pleasure and each time he hears you plead for him, he forgets the world a bit more.

You are a mess, his fingers curled up inside you, you keep moaning his name softly and it drives him crazy to know that this is his last time hearing it so he just amplify the pleasure, adding another finger while sucking on the skin of your breasts until you came undone on his fingers. This was his last opportunity to show you how much he could love you and he had to do it with all his energy and will.

For a second you're breathless, but as soon as your eyes meet Jay's he feels you're back, he doesn't know if you want to continue, looking at you with worried but loving eyes, his gaze asking one thousand questions.

"I need you inside me..." you breathe, almost sounding as if you begged him and Jay doesn't need anything more to get ready. Every doubt inside of him disappearing as you slowly reach for him hand, giving a sweet kiss to his palm.

He places himself in front of your throbbing entrance, waiting for your approval to slide inside of you and once he does he believes he just discovered heaven.

You feel amazing around him, your nails planting on his skin giving him a delicious wave of pain. Each movement inside of you causing you to arch your back in pleasure, if he is losing himself so are you. There is no going back, not when both of you feel your high building up more and more after each back and forth movement, no matter if your under him, on top of him riding him or even between his arms, he hits just the right spots that drive you both crazy.

"Fuck..." he hears you mumble while throwing your head back in pleasure. On the other hand, Jay can't get his eyes off you, too afraid that if he does he would miss something and that's the last thing he wants. What he wishes for is to remember forever your whines, the sensual dance of your naked body against his, the taste of your skin and of the love you were giving him.

You shiver, walls clenching around him, you're close and so is he it's only a matter of seconds before both of you come and it just encourages Jay to deepen his thrusts making you scream before you kiss him one last time.

"I Love you..." you whisper against his lips, your whole body shaking as you finally reach your highest point, feeling Jay filling you up with his last thrusts.

Both of you are panting, body against each other's as you try to recover from your highs.

It feels good, so good to finally let his heart take control, Jay has never felt so good before. But if it is so good why does he feel tears dropping from his eyes?

He doesn't let you go, hugging you closer as if to merge with you. He can't let you go, not after hearing that last sentence maybe it was because of your orgasm or of the heat of the moment but the words still echoed inside his head.

Maybe you don't mean it but he would never forget it. And that's the moment he understood he messed up, how could he let you go? How could he ever live without feeling you this close? Now that he tasted you once, he was certain he could never continue without you by his side, he could never make it without hearing you telling him that you love him.

But this is the last time he'll ever hear it. He knows it and that's the reason he is sobbing. He made you his tonight but at the price of missing you forever, never having the chance to have you again.

Leaving the airport, Jay looked at his left hand, a bit of paint remaining on his skin, he smiled at it before walking away, hands in pocket, thinking how he would never forget the French girl he met during his college years. His heart broken, he knows he'll spend days and nights thinking about you and the last few words you exchanged knowing he'll hear them until the end of time. There was a moment in your life where you loved him and it was enough for his heart to keep beating a bit longer.