xrchivist

[xrchivist]

amnesia. ~ funai eri

496

it was a lovely day.

a sunday, to be specific. she would have to get back to work tomorrow... most people might be unpleased with such a situation, but she was quite excited.

the sun set so quickly nowadays in shibuya, especially on the weekends. in the time it had taken her to sit down the colors in her room had gone from a cold orange to a monochrome grey.

it was so dark all of a sudden.

she had a few steps in her routine left to complete before she could retire for the evening. simple things- cleaning up, hygiene, and a journal entry.

the bathroom required the most immediate attention. she wasn't sure why, but the buildup of dirt on the mirror had been startlingly fast recently..

she scrubbed and scrubbed a mere few times on the mirror. the filth dissolved in front of her in mere seconds.

effortlessly.

with a start, she noticed that the bathroom was dark. none of the lights were on- and a quick glance out of the room and around revealed that the rest of the house was steeped in grey as well. for whatever reason, only the stark white moonlight from the clear sky illuminated her home.

the dark and the eerie quiet- only crickets and cicadas buzzed in the distant forest- would've created an unsettling atmosphere for most, but for her it was comforting. she let the quiet shadows continue to pervade, now adjusting her reflection in the newly cleaned mirror.

her fingers trailed along the rudimentary row of makeup and hygiene products in front of her mirror, her reflection as bright as it could be, lifting up instinctively above of the razor blade and coming back down for her hairbrush.

she cleaned herself as fully as she could without bathing- it was too late, and she simply wanted to sleep. this was the first sunday she hadn't taken the opportunity to wash herself obsessively in many months- a sign of good things or a bad omen?

she chose not to think about it.

pure.

or at least, she was now. it was quite difficult to achieve such an effect without even showering.

the moonlight hadn't waxed or waned over the course of the silent night, but the fatigue blurring her vision let the darkness slowly grow around her. that was her sign to finally go to bed.

her bed was neatly made and awaited her. she had noticed nightmares plagued her far less often if she read before she let sleep come for her, but it was simply too late. she would just deal with whatever came her way.

the mirror, covered in irregular patterns of blood.

her own reflection in that mirror. bloodstained as well.

... a shame, really. she cleaned so intensively solely for the sake of forgetting about these things.

she'd have to go at it more carefully next time. she couldn't afford to lose sleep if she was to return to teaching tomorrow.

girlfailure woman?! written in one sitting and not proofread so that explains why it's bad 😀

[xrchivist]

abyssopelagic.

02.

don't stare too long at the abyss, they've always said.

i was denied a chance to live right by the ocean. i don't think i could, because realistically i wouldn't be alive for much longer.

curiosity plagues my every waking thought and false answers are the crux of my dreams. i would like to swim to the bottom if only she would let me.

i want to see if there's something she's been saving just for me. down there, beneath the twilight light, i wonder what awaits me in that eternal night.

i know, at the depths of the sea, that pressure would be her warm embrace.

and oh, i yearn for such a thing. my longing keeps me up at night, i see her all the time. i see her even in the midst of all those starry skies

if i fell to the abyssal zone, i could try to fly

but on the surface, i've just one more chance, only one last time

a/n: low-key i was at the dentist and i would get myself through all the painful bloody scratchy bits by thinking of the song lyrics id put in my status and i thought my longing keeps me up at night was from a song that was Not in fact snail mail. anyways i wanted to make a poem with that line in it so enjoy ig

[xrchivist]

little miss nihilist.

02.

little miss nihilist, so seeped in distress

you cry and you wail always under your duress

pretend like you're listening, pretend like you care

but hell, you aren't even there

such a goddamn lie you indulge in everyday

could you ever dream of saying such a thing to my face?

don't be a coward, just fucking end it already

it's what you've been singing about since the day you fucking met me

tell me what is wrong with you, tell me what you're feeling

i will beg and i beg, please, i just want to know

but you just tell me that you're okay, you just tell me that you're healing

if ya lie to me, how the hell am i supposed to know?

let me change your fate, let me be your saving grace

but the pool that you filled for yourself is bubbling, ablaze

oh, you won't let me near to you, just wanna save your face

all you want to do is die to get away

little miss nihilist, in your manufactured distress

a self-fulfilling prophecy, that's the way you live

will you hate me for not helping you? win an award for being depressed?

you won't get to see it after you're dead

a/n - every time i open my damn mouth i'm hurting her. what's wrong with me?

[xrchivist]

confession.

01.

confession is out of the question.

in what world do you love me back?

there is no god in heaven that can love me. there is no demon in hell that can hate me.

your love is too beautiful to be wasted on me. you, indeed, are too beautiful to be wasted on me.

so i will lie on the ground with no one but my own thoughts, and i will dream about a world in which i believe in myself. a world in which i believe i am brave enough to love you.

for truly, it is just cowardice. i know you would give up the world for me.

and i hate it.

i hate that you love me.

i wish that you wouldn't.

a/n - came to me while writing self indulgent eishi fanfic but surprisingly this is not either of those losers. i'm probably going to be writing a lot of criticisms of my thoughts processes during my depression and this is one of them. if someone you love is so perfect, then thinking them capable of such hatred against you is an insult to them.

[xrchivist]

𓆩⟡𓆪 - names : alice, alhaitham, homura, furina

𓆩⟡𓆪 - about : writing blog to shamelessly copy my sister. mainly poetry and occasionally vents with a little smut and fanfic sprinkled here and there if all goes well.

𓆩⟡𓆪 - this blog is purely self indulgent and centers on a lot of crossover stories, oc stories, and my own real life.

𓆩⟡𓆪 - as is the case, i do not do requests or commissions.

𓆩⟡𓆪 - if i find any that intrigue me, i may reblog the occasional prompt game.

𓆩⟡𓆪 - tagging system ~

♪ — way with words. (poetry)

♪ — fleeting words in pen. (fanfiction)

♪ — aggravated fog disease. (vent pieces. in the case of namedrop fanfiction, angst.)

♪ — the sparkling light. (fluff pieces)

♪ — no freak show. (smut / yearningposting / selfship writing)

♪ — [character.] (self explanatory)

♪ — [ship]

♪ — [fandom.] (self explanatory. au & crossover tags take priority over individual fandom tags. e.g plinko fantasia -> plinko horses & fable fantasia)

♪ — by [headmate.] (self explanatory. if the headmate is unknown for whatever reason, it will be written as such. if multiple headmates worked in it, the headmate who wrote the most will be tagged + et al.)

𓆩⟡𓆪 - templates.

poetry-

name.

piece number.

divider.

work.

divider.

author notes.

fanfiction-

name. ~ characters/pairing ~ "prompt" (if applicable.)

word count.

divider.

work.

divider.

author notes.