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"why do you write?" because it’s the only way to silence the characters pacing around my brain like victorian ghosts with unresolved issues that prevent them from moving on.

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You can believe in magic, but watch out.

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Blossoms in Winter: Four

Your apartment wasn't much but it was yours.

Above a cafe in an old building- it smelled like coffee and mouse fur no matter how much incense you burnt or weed you smoked. Dust lay over everything no matter how many times you dusted- a consequence you guessed of the magic. It was the energy. It was attracted to it.

Dust motes drifted through the air lazily. Bathed in glorious neon. Like filthy glitter. Coating your books and papers. Clinging to your throw pillows and the quilt you rescued from a thrift store before some "upcycler" could hack it apart and sew it to a hoodie for a tik tok.

You watched for a moment and just let the quiet wash over you. Not silence. Cities were never silent. Ever. But for now the quiet was enough. It helped. It was something you'd had precious little of since... well. Since your mother's family had thrown you onto John Constantine's doorstep. Your father- allegedly.

Allegedly. You wished anyway. The blood ties didn't lie. They'd have never been able to leave you with him if not for that.

Complicated was what you told Jason but- complicated was an understatment. Love and resentment that bordered on hate. But it couldn't be hate because- somewhere where was an understanding. John was a bastard. He was a fucking prick. But at the end of the day... he was still the only parent you'd ever had. Your mother was gone and never wanted you. Her family- well. They'd cast you out as "tainted". And no one would have really blamed Constantine if he did the same. No one would have thought less of him.

But he took you anyway.

Trained you. Had Zatanna teach you.

So.

Yeah. Complcated was an understatment. But atleast... atleast that you didn't have to explain to some people. Like Jason. Or Zatanna.

You sprawled on the couch and just watched the dust in the shifting light. Trying not to think. Trying just to exist in this moment without wandering forward or back in your mind. But. All you can think about if the past tonight and it's making you melancholy.

You sigh and give up on your quiet, reaching for the remote. If your thoughts won't settle on your own, you'll settle them. Probably with a stupid documentary.

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Really loving the Constantine’s protégé stuff!!! I always thought a magic user would be an interesting friend/complement to Jason. Thank you for sharing your work!!! 💜💜💜

My husband was yelling about it and spawned some things yesterday 💜

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the whole "lipstick on a pig" thing makes no sense because the second we gave a pig access to makeup she became god's cuntiest soldier

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Between Love and Nothing: Eleven

Logan could hear it. And he huffed to himself. You were doing all the work. All that stupid little kid had to do was enjoy the ride. And he was. He was practically incoherent.

"Shame on you," he snorted. You were ruining him for anyone else and it was probably only the 5th or 6th time he ever got his way with a girl in a bar- not realizing the only reason it worked with you is that you were bored.

He could say you were cruel but- he didn't think it was intentional. You gave them a good time no one else could measure up to- and then sent them on their merry way leaving them wanting you... forever. Not realizing how long forever really was.

Snuffing his cigar out on his hand, he went back inside to nurse more whiskey than he should. He didn't know why. Why it mattered what you looked like when you walked in. He knew you didn't love him. But when you breezed back through the door with kiss swollen lips, reeking of another man- looking like nothing happened he breathed a sigh of relief. Even as he wanted to ask you what the fuck was wrong with you.

"Worth it?" he asked, watching you sip your cocktail contentedly.

"Ladies don't kiss and tell, Mr. Howlett," you respond.

"Ladies don't fuck in cars," he groused, raising an eyebrow.

You shrug and drift away, no more to tell him. And Logan half turned to watch you go. You're so nonchalant. It makes him want to shake you. He signaled the bartender and nodded his thanks as the man refilled his drink.

"Broke the mold with that one, huh?" he asked, jerking his head towards you.

"You got no idea, bub," Logan snorted.

"She came in here, batted her eyes and asked me for a cocktail I'd never heard of the first time I saw her," he chuckled. "If I didn't know better I'd think she was Capone's girl or some shit... Then set at the end of the bar and waited for me to light her cigarette."

Logan chuckled, wondering if you were just fucking with him on a slow night- but. That was one way to get good service. And get the guy to always remember your orders. "She's just... like that some times," he said.

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Nightwing (2016-): Fear State

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Blossoms in Winter: Three

"Y/N!" Jason raced forward and dragged you out of the way. You follow. Unseeing. It's like dragging a doll. A mannequin. If it weren't for your chanting and the motion of your hands- he'd think you were dead. Wide unseeing eyes. So stiff. So cold.

Unphased by the chaos around you. The fire, gunshots, and rubble.

It made the hair stand up on the back of his neck. But as he watched- something was happening. It looked like it was working. Even as sweat beaded on your skin and blood pooled at the corners of your eyes.

"Jesus," he breathed. "What the fuck is happening to you?"

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Shades bothered him the most. The aimless spirits that had no purpose. They were like zombies. Shuffling and shambling along, until they weren't. Until something jogged their memory and they hungered. They'd pursue it until they achieved it or they were stopped; whatever happened first.

And Gotham was full of them.

He felt his lip curl and he redoubled his efforts to keep his vision focused. You'd told him it was probably like wearing bifocals or switching between day and night vision. And Jason found that pretty accurate.

You'd been working with him to help him learn to manage it. Trying to help him learn to use it since he crawled out of the pit. To stay grounded. To navigate having a foot in both worlds.

Today was hard.

It made him want to call you. To have you just talk to him. To anchor him to HERE. But he wasn't sliding into madness. He was just... annoyed. Stupid shades. He felt like he was tripping on them everywhere.

He couldn't even get a pack of smokes without seeing a line of them. Ragged sentries with their hands out. Moaning in his ears day and night. Ugh. You could turn it off. He envied you that. But- Should he call?

Was it clingy if he did? You told him to call if-

"No," he muttered. "She's probably working. I'll call tomorrow. She was just here."

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Bruce wayne (public persona) was once asked by a journalist what crust punk was.

He answered, after sipping champagne "using store brand moisturizer"

Dick has unearthed this clip of 21 year old Bruce dressed like a whole whore and being out of touch. He posted it to insta. The internet will not stop making memes.

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Blossoms in Winter: Two

"Oi, hurry up," Constantine snapped.

You roll your eyes and flick your wrist, causing a coffee mug to fly off a desk and smash next to his shoulder without looking up and Bruce and Jason both blinked.

A year ago you would have nodded and apologized.

"If I rush this we could all die," you snap back.

"I'd like to not die," Jason added, holding up a finger. "At least not before I can legally drive."

"I was thinking drinking age," you mutter before taking a deep breath and shooting your father a withering look. The kind of unimpressed only a 14 year old girl can muster when she has absolutely HAD IT with being told what to do.

_______________

Jason put a beer on the table in front of you and rubbed his eyes. Grateful for the wards you put around his apartment. His head felt like it was his own again. "Productive day?"

You shrug, "It was okay. John and Zatana are on the outs again so-"

"So he's fucking anything that moves," Jason finished cringing.

"Don't knock it," you snort, taking a pull of your beer, "that's how I got here."

He chuckled and nodded, "Fair enough." He took a sip of his own beer and picked at the label. "He still pissed at you?"

"He's always pissed at me, at least a bit. Happens when you're a cocky bastard who's spawn is stronger than you."

"Such a bitch."

"Can't really blame him-"

"I can," Jason cut in, rolling his eyes.

Another shrug, "It has to sting. I got dropped in his lap to raise then-"

"Not like I'd call what he did raising you, really."

"He didn't beat me. Or call me any of his more beloved four letter words, so- there's that... It's complicated." You sigh and shake your head. Learning to deal in the world you dealt in with rules that could be concrete and abstract at the same time. Brutal and strange. Where both good and evil were magnified to extremes beyond most people's comprehension. It meant learning to be hard. And you'd learned that.

Jason nodded. Complicated he understood. He reached across the table and took your hand. "I'm sorry it was that way."

"It could have been worse," you tell him smiling a little. "At least I didn't die."

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Blossoms in Winter: One

"Why is he so mean to her?"

"I don't know, Jaylad- I'll talk to him."

That exchange echoed in Bruce's mind now as he watched you stalk into the room. Wary and slightly uncanny. Too powerful for the skin you were in. The air fairly crackled around you- everything about you said Dangerous. Like a powerline down after a storm. Sharp movements.

It's a defense- at least partly. You didn't used to be so... hard.

He can remember you snickering at little jokes with Jason; they all can. But that's gone now. You're all business. Leather and specificity- without your father's arrogance and boasting. Straight to the point.

"Thank you, Y/N," he heard himself say, nodding when you finished, "can we count on-"

"Better than you can John, I suppose." you respond. You resume your seat, steepling your fingers and waiting. Eyes flickering from speaker to speaker. You don't interject. You only watch.

Are you fighting with John? Or are you just separating yourself from him? Trying to cut your own path- Zatana might know. As powerful as you are- Your eyes jerk towards his and narrow slightly, snapping him out of his thoughts.

It forces him to remember- Jason would be your age.

Once upon a time, it was his job to protect you on missions. You worked together. You were a team in ways no one else could be a team. And then you were alone. With no one but Constantine.

"Stop staring," Diana muttered, "It's creepier than normal."

"Just lost in thought," Batman muttered, watching you push away from the table.

"If she curses you-"

"Zatanna would undo it," Bruce snorted.

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Texts From Superheroes

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This man (Bruce) is so abnormal about parenthood and so intense about his love for Dick. "He's not my son, he's more than that" Son is not a strong enough word for what Dick is to him. And the last panel being Oliver with Roy, which is later, implying that Oliver finally understood wtf was Bruce talking about when he got Roy, being like "wtf does his weird bs make sense?!?"

But also, a part of it may come from how Dick wasn't comfortable with becoming Bruce's son, so Bruce got used to immediately correcting people when they called him his father or Dick his son because he doesn't want Dick to overhear it and be hurt (a lot of people in the fandom seems to forget that it was Dick who did not want to be adopted and who was against Bruce being his father. Of course, that changed with time, but Bruce respecting that is great and not "bad parenting". A foster parent should never force a kid to accept them as their father/mother)

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Between Love and Nothing: Ten

"Isn't he a little young for you?" Jean teased watching the man you'd been flirting with head to the bar to buy you another drink.

"Isn't everyone?" you snort.

"Fair," she said. "Cute though."

You shrug. He wasn't quite your type. A little heavy-handed. And a little dull. But then, as long as he could get the job done you supposed it didn't matter- he didn't have to be the one you paid to keep for a while. He didn't seem like the type to go for that sort of arrangement anyway.

"If you're not that into him, you don't have to-" Ororo started

"Don't have to what?" Logan grumbled, looking between the three of you.

"Never you mind," you tell him, smiling. Turning to return your current suitor's little wave and crinkle your nose. How long had it been and the game? And the game hadn't changed. Men hadn't changed. Different types needed different handling.

"That guy?" Logan huffed.

"I'm here for a long time, might as well have a good time," you shrug, giving him a careless smile.

"What number husband would he be?" Ororo mused. Her eyes glinting.

"Hush," you scold, mock scowling. "I can't do that anymore anyway. Stupid cameras."

Logan growled softly as your suitor made his way to the table and set your drink down, putting an arm around your waist, "I didn't realize you had so many friends here tonight, Y/N," he said, eyeing Logan.

"We didn't either," you tell him, kissing his cheek. "Why don't we go sit on the patio... Talk."

"O-ok," he stammered, swallowing hard. Getting you alone and getting away from Logan- well. Great. It was all great. And he wasn't sure how he'd managed it but he also wasn't sure the other man wasn't going to kill him.

Logan watched you go and felt his jaw tighten.

"You told her 'No', Logan," Ororo reminded. "What is she supposed to do-"

"Not fuck random tools," he grumbled, "she's better than-"

"And older than all of us," Jean snorted, "I think you're just mad it's not you."

"You'd know if-" Logan shut his mouth with a snap and glared at Jean who was looking at him innocently. Willing the memory of your body out of his head. The taste of you. The sounds you made.

"She's here for a long time, she may as well have a good time," Ororo said, echoing you with a shrug, taking a sip of her drink. "A true inspiration really... I wonder if the rumors about her and Kennedy are true?"

"I bet they're not," Jean hummed. "She might marry for money but she'd probably not be the other woman- also she's immortal. Too high profile."

Logan growled and stalked towards the bar for another drink causing the two women to hide smirks behind their glasses. You might be willing to let Logan go but- if it meant keeping you in the School they were more than willing to torment him on your behalf.

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Maybe Happy Ending || Logan x Reader

summary: Logan comes back to the mansion to find someone new living there. Over the course of the year he learns who you are, what falling in love feels like again, and how quickly it can all disappear. But sometimes the pain is worth it. For someone like you

warnings: bittersweet ending, angst, fluff, talks of experimentation, loosely based on the broadway musical Maybe Happy Ending

wc: 6.6k

a/n: I am back!! I had a nice week but I got the writing bug and after listening to the Maybe Happy Ending soundtrack this fic was born. I know coming back with something like this might not do as well as I hope but this musical made me cry so hard and I thought how perfect of a fic this would be with Logan. You should so give it a listen if you can!!

September 2010

It’s been a while since Logan has stepped foot in the mansion. After everything he just needed some time to himself. To be alone, at peace and not fighting for his damn life from people who want him dead. It was a nice break but it was time to come home and so he did. Everything was the same but different. Kids were slightly older and he swears that they must have rearranged some furniture. He chuckles as he sees Charles already approaching him.

“Logan, it’s good to see you again.” He smiles as Logan just shrugs. Can’t let everyone know how happy he is to be back.

“Are you here to stay this time?" He asks, a slight playfulness in his voice.

"Maybe I could find myself sticking around. Depends on what's here." Logan says as he looks around. Truthfully he's ready to stay but his life is unpredictable and while this place is somewhat his home, it also holds a lot of pain. But he fights and he survives and he always comes back home.

"Oh Logan, one more thing."

The halls of the mansion bring Logan a sense of comfort as he passes by the familiar paintings and doors. He's gotten a few greetings from old friends, old students and he can't help but feel a tug in his heart from seeing their faces again. As he reaches his old room he sees the door wide open.

The sound of soft jazz comes from his room and he has to take a step back when he sees the state of it. He admits he was never one for decoration, in fact he never really unpacked his bag his clothes slowly went from his duffel into the drawers. But now, it's so...green.

Plants hanging from the ceilings and sitting on the floor. Flowers with soft pastel colors bloomed and to tie it all together were these bright little lights. It was like mother nature threw up in his room.

"Oh, Hello!" A small voice says from the bathroom. Logan looks towards the bathroom to see you peeking your head out of the bathroom. Damn...you're pretty.

"So you're the one who took over my old room huh?" He teases as he walks in. His grip adjusting on his backpack as he takes in the intense smells of plants. You tilt your head to the side for a moment, a confused look on your face.

"Oh! You must be Logan. Charles told me you were coming back today." You fully step out of the bathroom and Logan feels a strange pull in his gut. You walk with such grace and lightness. Almost like a fairy.

"It's nice to meet you Logan." You stick your hand out after introducing yourself. He repeats your name softly and he can hear your heart skip. He takes your hand with a smirk. The moment your skin touches it's like a spark of electricity. He pulls away when he gets flashes of his life.

"Fuck I'm so sorry! They normally don't act up like that." You apologize as you tuck your hands behind your back. Logan shakes off his initial shock, he always hated his mind being messed with.

"You're full of surprises aren't you, thought your powers would be more...plant adjacent." He gestures to the room and you laugh. What a nice sound, he thinks.

"Plant adjacent? That would be a little cliché don't you think?" You say.

Though shaken, Logan doesn't blame you for your powers acting up. Not the first time he's encountered someone who doesn't have full control and it won't be the last.

"I should get going, got a new room to settle into." Logan winks as he says his goodbye. Taking pride in the increased ba dums coming from your heart.

"Oh wait, take this. As a sorry for hijacking your room." You hand him a small vase full of flowers. Their small blue flowers with a nice yellow center. They're cute just like you.

"Thanks sweetheart, I'll try not to kill it." He doesn't fully know why he's so calm, why he's so comfortable enough to let his guard down.

He hasn't felt this way in a while but he's not opposed to these old feelings bubbling up again. He takes one last look at your open door before entering his new room.

He can still hear the jazz music.

October 2010

It's clear to anyone that while it was nice to have Logan back, things were different. Settling in didn't come naturally and he's still slightly on edge. It doesn't help that you've been avoiding him ever since that first day. Did he do something wrong? Or did you just not like him?

Logan knows he isn't the model man by any means. He's not nice or fun or even polite most of the time. It would make sense if stories of who he really was got back to you at some point. He doesn't blame you, really he doesn't. He sits at the counter staring out of the back window. Everyone's been asleep for a long time and he just needed some quiet. And some beer.

"Where did you get beer?" He hears you ask from behind. You're sleepy as you walk into the kitchen and Logan can hear the small yawn without even turning around.

"That's a secret." He says as he takes another sip. He hesitates for a moment but then offers you some. To which you decline.

"I don't drink much. Not great for memory retention." Your feet pad along the cold ground as you hop into the seat next to Logan.

"Whatcha looking at?" You ask as you stare into the darkness behind the window.

"Nothing, just thinking." He hums as he downs the rest of his drink.

"Surprised to see you down here, you know with me." He says as he leans against the marble counter.

"What do you mean?" You ask as you look at him confused.

"Just...haven't seen much of you is all." He feels childish for bringing this up. He doesn't need you to like him. He could care less about anyone giving him the time of day. But he wanted you to like him. Stupid stupid Logan.

"I thought the big bad wolverine doesn't want to know new people." You say with a slight teasing nature in your voice. Though what you say is true. All you heard about Logan was how fiercely independent the man was. You just didn't expect him to be so attractive.

"Who told you that?"

"Scott." Logan scoffs as he rolls his eyes.

"Don't listen to shit he tells you about me alright?" He grumbles.

"So who are you then?"

"I could ask you the same thing. What exactly are your powers?" He asks.

"I asked you first. Besides you're like 200 years old you have more to tell." You say, dodging the question about your mutation. Logan notices but doesn't say anything.

"It's a long story." You glance at the clock and shrug.

"I've got time."

December 2010

You've made a huge mistake. Getting close to Logan was a bad idea and you knew. Charles had warned you not to given...well everything. You tried, you really did. He came to you the first time and once he left you swore to yourself that you wouldn't get close. But he was so magnetic. He was handsome and funny and despite everything you've heard before, kind. Well in his own way.

He's not exactly a good hearted altruistic man but he isn't completely horrible either. He cares in smaller ways. Like for his students, he loves them even if he won't admit it. Fiercely loyal to his friends and hiding so much pain that has shaped him into the man he is now. You snuck glances and let yourself day dream, telling yourself it can never go further than just your dreams.

But you weren't known for your strong will, at least when it came to Logan. You saw him sitting alone, clearly wrestling something in his mind and you broke the promise. You talked to him. Spent hours listening to him until the sun came up. He didn't tell you a lot, you could tell he was still keeping things close to his chest but you did too.

Still it was nice. It was a trap really because once you let him in there was no stopping it anymore. Logan crashed into your life and you didn't even try to stop him.

"I hate the snow." Logan grumbles as he looks out the window.

"You hate everything." You say with a snort as you watch the snowflakes fall onto the ground.

"That's not true. There's some things I don't hate." He hums, sneaking a glance at you. You're so at peace watching the snow. A soft smile on your face, all bundled up in a nice sweater with a plate of cookies in your lap.

"Yeah like what?" You ask and he thinks.

"I don't mind cookies." He reaches over and steals one from your plate.

"Hey! Get your own." You whine as he happily takes a bite from his stolen cookie.

"But these are so much closer." He says with a smirk as he finishes off the treat. You set the plate down and move to look out the window.

"You know I've heard that during the summer fireflies appear here." You say as you rest your head on your hand.

"All the time, those pesky fuckers." Logan grumbles.

He never understood why the students went so crazy over them. They appeared every summer and every year a few of the kids would beg him to come outside and watch them twinkle in the dark.

"I've never seen one in real life. Where I grew up they didn't really exist." You say, you were hoping that this year you'd be able to see them.

"I'll show 'em to you come summer time. Promise." Logan offers and you happily accept. He holds out his hand and you shake it, reveling in the warmth of his rough skin.

Suddenly you stand up and walk over to one of the drawers. A secret you've been keeping for a little while.

"I have something for you." You say shyly.

You agonized for weeks over what to get Logan for the holiday. He said before he doesn't want anything, he doesn't even like the holidays. It brings up memories he doesn't want to think about anymore. He'd rather pretend it was just another day, but you can't help yourself. It's not much. You hand him a small box wrapped in newspaper.

"It's a bracelet. I know you aren't really the jewelry type but I saw it in the store and it had forget-me-nots on it and...well those are the flowers that I gave you, the first day we met." Logan takes the small bracelet out of the box. It's a thin silver chain with a small flower pendant. He likes it. A lot actually. This is the first gift he's gotten that wasn't just more alcohol. It has meaning and now when he looks at it he can think of you.

"It's cute." Logan slips it on his wrist and tightens it to fit just right.

"What do you think?" He asks, a slight smirk on his face.

"I think it really brings out your eyes." You never noticed how pretty they were. Specks of blue and green mixed with the light brown.

"I didn't get you anything." Logan says with a slight frown.

"Don't worry about it, I didn't expect you to." You say softly. "Hold on." Logan reaches to the back of his neck and unclasps the chain. He hands them out to you and you catch the silver glint.

"Logan...are you sure you want to give me these?" His dog tags. He never takes them off but here he is giving them to you.

"Yeah, I'll need them back eventually but for now, you can hold on to them." He motions for you to turn around as he stands up. The metal is cool against your skin as he clasps the chain around your neck. You pick up the dog tags and run your thumb over the engraved name.

"It looks good on you." He mumbles as he brushes his fingers along your cheek. The sound of rushing footsteps breaks your moment. The two of you step away as Jubilee comes running into the room.

"Logan! Can you please please make your super yummy hot chocolate." Logan hesitates, his eyes still on you as he mumbles out a reply.

"Yeah, sure kid. I can uh make you one too if you want." He takes a step back and you quickly sit back down. "That'd be nice." You say, taking a cookie from the plate and staring at it as Logan goes back to the kitchen. Yeah, you're completely fucked.

February 2011

Ever since that night you and Logan have been in an odd spot. You're not sure what you are now. Are you two just friends or are you more? Well for Logan he wants to make his intensions clear. He wants more. He wears that bracelet every day, he doesn't care if the students make fun of it or if he gets weird looks. There's nothing wrong with wearing a gift. Every time it shines in the sunlight it reminds him of your bright smile. Your kind eyes and your pretty laugh.

He's never been the most romantic guy in the world but he wants to make things special this time around. He got you flowers from a shop and even bought you chocolate. He even made a point to dress in his best clothes. They were itchy and he kind of hated how much the collar constricted his throat but you were worth it all and more. He takes a look in the mirror and he scrunches his nose.

For the first time in a while, he sees something new in his eyes. Happiness. Cheesy. Yeah fuck that's cheesy but here he is on Valentines day with flowers and chocolate nervous to ask you on a date. He repeats over and over what he's going to say as he walks to your door.

Happy Valentines Day, will you go on a date with me?

Simple right? There's no way he can fuck this up. He knocks and waits. When you open the door the look on your face isn't...exactly what he wants to see. It's worried, nervous.

"Logan?" You ask as you clock the gifts in his hand.

"Hey sweetheart, Look I ain't great with words but I was wondering if...you wanted to go on a date with me." He hands you the flowers and he feels his stomach twist as you hesitate to take them. You spin them around slowly. He can hear your heart thumping loudly in your chest. With each passing moment of silence he feels his confidence crashing down.

"Logan I...These are beautiful." You whisper. Your voice is off, wavering as you look back up to him. He can see his dog tags tucked under your shirt. They were a gift, a promise. You're his something to come back for don't you get it?

"Are you okay?" He asks gently. His shoulder sagging as he sees the sad look on your face.

"I'm sorry Logan, but I can't accept these. You should ask someone else." You hand him back the flowers but he lets them drop to the floor.

The sound of your door closing in his face hits like a truck. Did he misread all of this? Were you simply being nice and never interested in him at all. He really thought there was something there. He was falling in love with you. But if you didn't feel the same then well, what can he do? He walks away. Leaving the flowers on the ground as he holes himself in his room. Tossing the chocolate into the trash as he's left to wallow in his own misery.

This is what he gets for hoping huh.

April 2011

Logan was avoiding you and honestly? You couldn't blame him. You broke his heart.

You waited until he was gone before you let yourself cry. That look on his face was devastating. Logan was a man of few words, he never let his true feelings shine through for most people but he did for you. You saw how hurt he was. When you opened your door the next day you saw the flowers still on the floor. You gently picked them up and placed them in water. It's not their fault and they shouldn't suffer for your decisions.

Logan was never angry, never petty or upset about your rejection. He had accepted it and he stopped talking to you, giving himself and you some space. Fuck did you miss him. So so much. But it has to be this way.

It's easier. Easier for who? That's another question.

Anyone could see how miserable the two of you were. Moping around the mansion, no more late night talks or movies or training. Just the two of you floating around each other, pretending like nothing had ever happened.

"My dear, if I could speak to you for a moment." Charles asks as he finds you alone outside. It's dusk. The sun is slowly disappearing under the trees and you wanted to watch. You've been spending more time outside, it's quiet. It's nice.

"I know what you're going to say." You don't even look up as you continue to watch the sunset.

"You should tell him." Charles says.

"I can't and you know that."

"It would bring the both of you some much needed peace."

"Would it? Would it really? I call bullshit." You snap.

"Logan deserves to know."

"What do I deserve to know?" You freeze when you hear Logan's voice. When did he sneak up on you?

"Fuck." You mumble as you shut your eyes. Maybe if you wish hard enough they'll both disappear.

"What do I deserve to know?" He repeats. His voice firmer this time.

"Logan it's nothing." You say but you can barely convince yourself.

"Yeah I ain't buying that." Logan scoffs. You open your eyes to see Charles had disappeared and Logan was standing right in front of you.

"Look. You don't have to tell me." He says, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"But If you're lying or this is to protect me or some other bullshit. Then you should know I don't need protecting. I've been around for a long time and I can handle myself." He won't force it out of you.

He wonders if this has anything to do with you rejecting him but he doesn't ask. But he is worried. He can see that it's affecting you. The turmoil is written all over your face.

"I know you don't feel the same, but I still care about you."

"I do, I do feel the same." You tell him. Tears brimming in your eyes as you look up at him. Even in the dark his eyes are still so pretty.

"I told you that I have memory manipulation, I rarely use it." You start. You move over on the bench you're sitting at and Logan takes a seat next to you. Quietly he grabs your hand, squeezing it to let you know that he's there.

"But what I didn't tell you is that before I ended up here I was nothing but an experiment."

You were so tired of running. You could never stay in one place for long, people would find out about your mutation. It was just a small power at first. You could manipulate people into doing whatever they want. Get into their minds and influence their actions. That made you a target for the people who wanted to use you. You were lured into a trap.

You thought you were signing up to help people, to show the human race what mutants could do to help. But you were lied to. They poked and prodded your brain. Running endless tests to push you to your limits. They unlocked your mind and learned you could do so much more. Manipulate memories and people.

"They wanted me to be their ultimate weapon." Logan doesn't say a word but he pulls you closer. His arm warp around your side. He knows a thing or two about being a weapon.

"But they kept messing around in here. They didn't want to risk me going rogue so...they tried to wipe my memory." He knows a thing or two about that too.

"But whatever they did fucked my brain. It destroyed my powers and my mind. Now I can maybe see a few memories here and there. I can't even get someone to pass me the salt anymore. " You joke with little humor.

"It's for the best, what I could do was really dangerous." You look over at Logan and smile sadly.

"But now, I lose my memory every year. I get 365 days of normal and then it gets wiped. The last thing I remember is waking up in that lab."

"Does Charles know?" Logan asks. He's starting to understand, just a little bit.

"Yeah, Apparently I've been here for about 3 years now. At first we tried to reverse the effects. We tried every single day and nothing. I will lose it all come September. Back to square one." You'll wake up in the mansion with Charles by your side. He'll tell you that you were experimented on but you were saved by the X-Men. He'll tell you that you're safe and what year it is.

At first you tried to keep a journal but it felt like a story. Like you were reading about someone else life despite it being your handwriting. Charles could tell you that Ororo was your close friend and that Jubilee and you met every week for movie night but when you saw them there was nothing.

No recognition, just strangers. It was back to square one every single time. You couldn't just pretend that you knew them when you didn't. It was horrible.

"It's why I pushed you away. Call it selfish but I knew the moment you walked into my room that I was going to fall in love with you." He tilts your head so you can meet his eyes.

"We can figure it out. I swear there has to be something." Logan tries but you just shake your head.

You have tried everything you could think of. Sure you could have him sit down and tell you that he loves you but he'd just be a stranger. You won't feel the same. You won't remember the days he'd describe or feel the same love in your heart.

"Trust me Logan, If there was a way to fix it I would do it in a heartbeat, but there's not." He sighs, pressing his forehead against yours as he tries to think of something. He won't let you run away, he loves you too.

"Then let me love you anyways. I don't care about the future, let me give you the best five months of your life." Logan brushes his lips against your cheek, ghosting them over your lips.

"I'm afraid we'd be on borrowed time. The only thing that this could lead to is heart break and I don't want to do that to you again Logan." You can't stand the thought. You already rejected him. You were trying to save him. But this, this would be complete devastation.

"Just give me until July, that's when the fireflies should be coming around. You told me back in December how badly you wanted to see them."

"You remembered that?" You ask in disbelief.

"Course I did, I remember everything about you." He says. He promised you that he'd take you to see them and he meant it.

"Okay..." You say softly.

"But we shouldn't see each other anymore after that. We just need to go back to being friends, it's for the best." You tell him. You're not so sure you can do that but you'll pretend for now.

"Okay, I can do that sweetheart." No he can't. But he'll lie if it means he gets to kiss you now.

"But until then, I get you all to myself." Logan captures your lips in a rough kiss. You let out a soft sigh as you run your hands through his hair. Letting yourself indulge in his touch.

You want to cry knowing that one day you'll forget all about this. That you won't remember what its like to feel his lips on yours, you won't get to know how warm his hands are and how strong he is as he lifts you with ease and carries you back to his room. You won't remember what its like to wake up next to him. To see the slight frown on his face as he sleeps and how messy his hair gets.

So you just have to hold onto every moment now. Wishing somehow you could stop time and just live like this forever.

July 2011

"How much further Logan?" You whine. The bag you're carrying is getting heavy and you swear you've been walking forever.

"Almost there sweetheart. Need me to carry you?" He teases, looking back over his shoulder to flash that stupidly cute smile.

"Yes." You say with a pout. Logan rolls his eyes but doesn't hesitate to lean down so you can hop on his back. You wrap your arms around his neck as he carries you the rest of the way.

"Why are we going so far from the mansion?" You ask.

"They're easier to see away from all the noise and lights. Trust me." It's only a few more minutes until a large clearing appears between the trees.

"Come on, the show is about to start." Logan sets you down and grabs your hand, leading you to the center of the field. The only thing you can hear are the sounds of nature, the crickets chirping and the far away sound of a rushing stream.

"You know, a small part of me wishes they won't show." You tell him. He doesn't reply. He knows why and he wishes that too. But tonight was the perfect night and he knows he can't put it off any longer.

"I know sweetheart, but I promise you this will be worth it." He says as he kisses your forehead.

"Look." He whispers. You turn around and start to see them flickering around. They're like tiny stars. You gasp quietly as the whole field lights up with fireflies.

"Oh they're beautiful." You whisper. It's unlike anything you've ever seen. There's hundreds of them.

"Aren't they?" Logan watches with a smile on his face, you're so happy.

The last couple months have been wonderful but the future loomed over the two of you like a dark cloud. You both promised that after tonight, the two of you would go back to being friends. Strangers if you could. Anything to save yourselves from heartbreak.

But as Logan looks at you standing right in front of him, the brightest smile he's ever seen. He knows he can't go back. He can try but deep down he knows his life has forever been changed.

"Oh!" You reach into your bag and pull out a small mason jar.

You know you can't keep them forever but just for a few hours. Logan watches in amusement as you try to catch a few. He sees the way your brow furrows when you can't get them. Even laughing when you almost get one but it flies away.

"You try then if it's so funny." You huff. You hand him the jar and Logan catches them with ease.

"Show off." You mumble as he kisses your cheek.

"For you sweetheart." He hands you the jar. He sits down on the grass and lets you sit in his lap. One hand on your back as you hold the jar.

"Fireflies only live about two months. But what a wonderful two months it must be." Your lip quivers and Logan feels his heart breaking.

"Why can't we stay here forever?" A tear rolls down your cheek as you watch those little stars glow.

"Hey don't cry, we still have tonight don't we." Logan tries to soothe you but you're crying harder now.

"It's not fair! I don't want to forget you Logan. I love you so much it's just not fair!" You set the jar down and Logan pulls you into a tight embrace.

You bury your face in his chest as he rubs your back. He kisses the top of your head and lets you cry. He's angry too, upset that you're going to be ripped from him soon. But he can't let you see that. He has to be strong for you.

"I know it ain't, but it'll be alright. I'll be alright." He cups your face and makes you look at him. His thumb brushes away more tears and he smiles. Your lips meet in a gentle kiss, moving together as you let yourself melt into his touch. As you pull apart you already feel yourself wanting more. There's not enough time in the world for the two of you. He picks up the jar and holds it between the two of you.

"You said these guys only have two months. Guess they're on borrowed time just like us." He says.

You open the jar lid and the fireflies fly away. They flitter up into the sky, disappearing among the dark blue sky. You look back at Logan with a sad smile.

"Yeah, but what a wonderful time it's been so far." You don't know how long the two of you stay out there. Just watching the fireflies, being with each other. You savor every second of being together because you know when the sun comes up.

It'll all be over.

August 2011

It's officially been three weeks since the night you saw the fireflies. The walk back was quiet, your hands still laced together as you entered the mansion. Logan had walked you to your room, kissed you one last amazing time and the two of you promised to go back to being friends. It would be better this way, it would hurt less. That's what you told him and yourself but neither of you believed it. It started fine. Saying hi and making small talk. But Logan still looked at you with longing and you still dreamed of him at night. It wasn't working. No matter how hard you tried, well Logan wasn't trying very hard to be honest, you couldn't stay away from him. That's how you ended up here tangled in his bedsheets as he kisses your bare shoulder.

"Logan...we promised." You sigh as he presses a kiss to your jaw.

"Yeah we did, sorry." He's grinning as he talks.

"I've been thinking, I don't think we'll be able to stay away from each other." You say softly, what you're about to say is an odd idea and one you know Logan will hate but it's the only option in your mind you can think of.

"When...When I lose my memories, I've been thinking that maybe you should erase yours too. Not the whole year, but just of me."

"What? No fucking way." Logan sits up, the sheets sliding down his chest to rest in his lap.

"Just listen-"

"No. Absolutely not. You think you mean that little to me? That I can just erase you from my mind that easily?" He asks angrily.

"Logan you don't understand. This is the only way we can be happy. Maybe this time you won't notice me and we'll go our separate ways and it doesn't have to end like this." Your logic is flawed but you don't care. In your mind this is the easiest way to protect him. To save him from the inevitable pain of loving you.

"I am not worth the cost Logan." You say and he scoffs, like that's the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard because it is.

"Bullshit, you're worth everything to me."

"Please, for me. Just do this for me." You feel guilty pulling that card but it's your last resort. You need to have some sort of peace before it all goes to shit. To know that you won't be leaving him to suffer alone. Logan hesitates. He reaches out and runs his finger along the chain of his dog tags.

"You're asking me to give you up and I don't think I can do that."

"I know, but I need you to be okay." You plead. He sees the tears and your eyes and finally. He relents.

"Okay. I'll talk to Charles. But for now just let me hold you in my arms." He wraps his big arm around your waist and pulls you into him. The cold metal of his bracelet rests on your stomach, it shines in the moon. How pretty. Just like him.

"I love you Logan, so much." You whisper.

"I love you too sweetheart, more than you could ever know."

Sometimes you wish you never would have met Logan. It would have been easier to never know what you'd be missing. Instead you're forced to have loved with all your heart and lose it. But I guess that's the risk of love right?

"Apparently this whole thing can be pretty painful, so Hank usually knocks me out and when I wake up..."

"You'll have forgotten the last year." Logan finishes for you. You nod solemnly as you sit on the lab table. You had said your goodbyes earlier, almost everyone knew what was coming and were ready for you to start again. But you saved Logan for last.

"I'll find a cure, an antidote or something. I'll track down every one of those damn scientists who went into your brain and force them to fix it." He tells you and with how much conviction he speaks with you kind of believe him.

"You'll come back to me one day." He caresses your face and you feel the overwhelming urge to sob.

"One day Logan. One day." There's one more thing you have to do. Logan watches with sadness as you hand him back his dog tags.

"You said you'd need them back eventually so..." He doesn't take them at first. He wants you to keep them. Maybe if you wake up with them somehow it'll trigger your memory. But you take his hand and place it on his palm.

"You talked to Charles?" You ask and he nods. "Okay. Good."

"Are you afraid?" Logan asks softly.

"A little, I mean it's not like I'll remember that tomorrow but right now. I just want you to hold me." A sob rips through your throat and Logan doesn't hesitate to hug you. Whispering comforting words as you cry into his chest.

"I'll be okay, I promise. Don't worry your pretty head about me." He strokes your back as he kisses the top of your head. He sees Hank and he knows it's time.

He grabs your face and kisses you one last time. He savors every single second of it. Trying to remember what your lips feel like, how they move, the soft sounds that can't help but fall from them. He will remember this for the rest of his life if he can.

"Don't be afraid, I'm right here. I love you." He holds your face as you nod. Tears pouring down your face as you try and get out the last words you'll say to him.

"I love you too." A small prick and everything goes dark.

Logan holds you for a while. Finally letting his own tears fall when no one else is around. He weeps for the loss of you and for the time that has been stolen. He doesn't know how long it's been when he stops. He gently rests you on the table, making sure you're comfortable before he leaves.

It's agonizing to step away but he must.

Outside waits Charles.

"I don't want to hear whatever you have to say right now." Logan grits out. He doesn't want someone to tell him it's all going to be okay and that he'll move on.

"I'm not here for that Logan." He says gently.

Logan is a strange man, possessing the most complex mind he has ever seen. To see him so willing to hurt himself just to love, it's almost romantic. Another page in his tragic life, but something tells Charles he doesn't regret this one for a moment. Logan sighs, letting some of his mask slip as he follows Charles to the elevator.

"Alright, let's get this over with."

September 2011

Fall was coming and you couldn't be happier. This was your fourth year here. You lost your memories due to experimentation but you're safe now. These are the X-Men and they're your friends. Your room is nice. You've decorated just how you like it. You're re-meeting people and they look at you with kindness, but also a hint of sadness. You don't know why.

As you move around your room you hear the soft sounds of jazz music. You follow the sound to a few rooms down. You don't know who lives here. You knock on the door and wait. After a few moments it opens and you're met with a very handsome man. How come you haven't met him yet?

"Hi, I'm sorry to bother you but I heard the music coming from your room. I love this song." The man doesn't say anything. He just stares at you. His hazel eyes are so intense as they seem to scrutinize every inch of you. You introduce yourself, sticking out your hand and he takes it.

"Logan." He says, still slightly on guard.

"That's a beautiful bracelet, where did you get it?" You ask as you see the silver piece jingle on his wrist.

"This thing?" He holds it up so the sunlight catches the small charm. He smiles, just for a moment.

"Someone very special gave it to me." He says softly. It's odd how he seems to change so quickly. From being so intimidating to letting it all slip away.

"Well Logan, I hope to see you around." You smile and bid him goodbye. He closes the door slowly, resting his forehead against the wood.

"Fuck." He mumbles.

This is harder than he thought. He feels guilty for breaking his last promise but it took him all of two seconds to realize he couldn't let his memory be erased.

He looks back at the plant you gave him a year ago. The little pot of forget me nots had died and came back. They came back to him. With a sad smile Logan picks one of them off its stem.

"Don't tell 'em alright? It's our secret." He whispers.

He takes the flower and walks down the hall right to your room. Your door is open and you're humming to yourself as you work to piece together some parts of your life.

"Logan? Didn't expect to see you so soon." You say as you see the man in your door.

"A welcome gift from me." He says as he hands you the flower.

"Thank you, it matches your bracelet." You point out as you tuck the flower behind your ear.

"It does." Logan lingers for a moment, hoping that there would be something that clicks in your brain. But nothing. That's okay, he knew this was happening.

This was how your story ended and what a story it was.

As he leaves you stop him. You don't know why but you do. A small glimmer of hope shines through as you ask him a simple question.

"Logan, have you ever seen fireflies?"

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Alfred felt as though it was incredibly inappropriate for a butler to accompany his young master to any sort of gala or gathering so Bruce had to get used to being by himself very quickly at a young age

Due to being left all alone when he would usually be with his parents, Bruce was put in increasingly unsafe situations over and over. Most of the time, there was no safe adult for him to feel comfortable enough telling. And if there was, how would he know they were safe?

He could tell Alfred, but what good would that do? Alfred has told him time and time again that he is his employee, nothing more and nothing less. Alfred cannot help him. Alfred cannot save him

Alfred doesn’t want to

I believe that at a very early age, due to how most of the socialites and rich people are in Gotham, Bruce had to get used to unwanted stares, touches, and advances

And he’s so pretty. He’s been so pretty ever since he was small, even with his parents alive they had to work hard to keep him safe. To keep others away. To draw a hard line in the sand for what is acceptable and what is not. But now they’re gone and he’s trying to keep himself safe. But people always want to touch, take, possess, and destroy pretty things

But all of his children are pretty too.

With all of his kids he makes sure that they’re as safe as can be, unlike how it was with him

The first time that he brings Dick to a gala, he holds the boy the entire time. Dick’s face is mostly tucking into Bruce’s suit jacket, shielding him from the flashes of the paparazzi and unwanted stares. Especially with his ‘exotic’ heritage of being Romani… it’s a recipe for disaster in Gotham

Bruce refuses to let a single person touch Dick, even socialites that he trusts. He knows how quickly someone you trust can turn on you once they realize you’re vulnerable.

He keeps Jason by his side as well. Gotham high society hates anyone who didn’t grow up rich. If he’s not by Jason’s side, he makes sure Dick is. Dick can now fend for himself, but Bruce always makes sure they’re in his line of sight.

Tim has been to these parties before, and considering how negligent his parents were… Bruce makes sure to tell Tim that he would never be mad at him for anything that happened and he is not to blame. That adults should have protected him and saved him. He tells Tim all the things he wished someone had told him when he was younger. They hug and cry about it.

He’s always so thankful that Stephanie never wanted to go to galas as mean as it makes him sound. She never had to be subjected to the cruelties of adults who had no business leering after young girls. Now that she’s older and sometimes pops in if Tim’s going, Bruce knows that they’ll protect each other.

Cass is strong and smart, but she’s also very very new to this life and more vulnerable than the rest of his kids. Bruce wishes he could give her a sense of normalcy. It’s just another thing that’s he failed at.

He knows that if push came to shove, like the rest of his children, she would not hesitate to defend herself. But there should be no shove. She shouldn’t have to. Bruce dances with her all through the night every time she decides to grace a gala with her magnificent presence. It keeps her happy, it keeps her away from harm

His youngest baby is a fire cracker, ready to take on anyone and anything that could possibly be perceived as a threat to him and his family. As much as his other babies joke that he keeps Damian nearby to stop him from stabbing people, he doesn’t want anyone to look at Damian.

Damian is barely older than he was when he returned back to Gotham high society. The only difference is that Damian now has him and all of his siblings. It’s still hard to let go, even if he knows his children are there to keep an eye on everything

Duke is very similar to Jason in more ways than one, epically since he was also born on the ‘poorer’ side of Gotham that most elites loathe unjustly. He’s seen it before, even with high standing black families. Being suddenly accused of stealing a watch or pickpocketing an expensive pearl necklace. Lives ruined simply because of the color of their skin

Nothing like that will ever happen to Duke in his presence. Bruce knows he can’t protect Duke from all the racism in the world, but man if he doesn’t want to try

Bruce has never let his family deal with his issues. He believes he’s simply not worth the trouble. So whenever he gets hit on at galas in ways that make him uncomfortable he just fakes a smile. When he feels unfamiliar hands touching him and grabbing at his body, he fakes more smiles and leans into if there are too many people watching.

Just as he’s about to make an excuse, any kind of excuse to finally get away and take a breather, Dick suddenly pops up in front of him while he feels Jason and Duke slide up behind him, pushing away the elites that had circled him

Bruce makes a soft confused sound, trying to figure out what was happening, but then Damian’s tugging on his sleeve and he already has his baby in his arms. The whirlwind that is Tim and Steph together sweep him away from the confused group of elites.

The group makes their way back over to where Cassandra is smiling expectantly, giggling softly at the confused expression on Bruce’s face.

“Dance with me?” She requested softly, knowing that Bruce would never refuse her. Bruce squeezes Damian to his chest before handing him over to Tim, which Damian surprisingly doesn’t protest

Bruce takes Cassandra’s hand and they dance around the ballroom floor with ease, over and over one of Bruce’s children came and swept him away before anyone else could get the chance

“Don’t worry, we got you Dad.” Dick smiled softly as Bruce spun him around before being passed over to Stephanie and Damian.

“I know.” Bruce chuckled, feeling so safe for the first time in a long time. “I know.”

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Courtesy of another dream that I had

——

Bruce is tired and/or hurt and decides to just wear casual clothes to finish up some extra work in the cave, so he’s typing away on the Batcomputer. Jason is just coming back from his own patrol and is pissed of at Bruce for one reason or another

Bruce, tired and not paying attention to his surroundings, sees Jason approaching from the corner of his eye but it doesn’t register that it’s his son

Jason is very animated when he argues so he’s just waving his gun around wildly, shouting at Bruce

Bruce’s vision narrows completely and he flinches violently, his large body curling in on hisself as he does his best to melt into the chair he’s sitting on

It’s a quick thing, if you weren’t a trained individual you would miss it entirely.

Jason watches as his dad’s eyes glaze over but still seem to follow the rapid movements of the gun perfectly.

Bruce’s face turns completely blank, like he’s just shut down, and he gets up from his chair and leaves the Batcave.

Jason is left alone in the Batcave, forced to realized that just for a moment, even if it was the smallest most inconsequential moment, his dad was fucking terrified of him

Bruce only saw a large man, half shrouded in the darkness from the cave, yelling and cursing at him while swinging around a gun. Yeah…

For the next few days Bruce can barely be in the same room as Jason and avoids looking at him or speaking to him. All of his kids have never seen him act this was but Alfred has and he’s panicking but it was exactly like this after his parents died

——

I can’t remember what happens after this but I swear there was more to the dream. Obviously Bruce forgives Jason because that’s his baby boy but I can’t remember how lol

Yall can continue this anyway you like. I love seeing you add on to these