yel0-0

[yel0-0]

at some point in our lives, naquequestion natin if this is really what we want. medicine, tbh, is scary for me. ang daming uncertainty, knowing na i will spend 5-6 years of my life studying, penniless. idk but the thought of having no money tapos mag memed pa, nakakatakot. kasi idk kung kaya kong mag commit. idk if it will be worth it. pero upon trying, lahat naman umaayon sa desires ko. yung PR ko pasok naman. yung mga schools na gusto ko, may chance naman ako for interview noon. it’s just that, it feels surreal. same month last year nagrereview lang ako, now nag eenroll na ako. if it’s not for me, una pa lang fail na dapat. but with god’s grace, lahat naman pumapasok. medicine is scary, but it’s the type of fear i’m willing to pursue. no one’s gonna help me? marami sila, feeling ko lang, pride lang ang pinapairal ko. hindi naman linear ang life e. ofc, may mga struggles, may doubts, fear. kasi pag linear, dire diretso ka lang, ang stagnant ng feeling. risk lang, challenge mo sarili mo. make a name of yourself. wala pang nakakatry? try mo. blindsided ka sa kung ano gagawin, ano mangyayari? lahat naman nagdaan jan. mahirap mag establish ng name lalo na hindi kayo kin of doctors? kaya mo nga gagawin para magkaroon ng doctor sa family e. it will be hard, mangangapa ka talaga, pero when you reap success, iba yung magiging feeling nun. gawin mo na ngayon, wala namang naghihinder e. sarili mo lang. tandaan mo, ikaw lang din magpapanalo sayo.

[yel0-0]

mood level: 5 (middle)

*1 being lowest, 10 at its peak

- annoying bus (kept asking me where i am dropping of & i kept on repeating). hindi din naman naalala UGH!

- people just keep on asking questions & it is so annoying

- off lang talaga yung mood ko sa isang coworker, idk. she just exudes bad vibes.

- weird feeling, pero di lang talaga ako excited for my bday

- been questioning everything sa life kooooo. hays

[yel0-0]

6/12/22

SO PROUD OF U QUINTOS!!! ❤️

[yel0-0]

6/12/22

I PASSED! 🥹

[yel0-0]

- i just realized that commuting is hard & TIRING. i will definitely save up for a car

[yel0-0]

it really gets overwhelming. talking to people, being around with a crowd, working, my plans for medicine, relationship, the future. it feels like things are all in the wrong places. i am so lost, so caught up with everyone’s timeline. it feels like nothing is happening, i am in a zigzag towards uncertainty. i just don’t know. sana worth it talag ang mga choices ko in life. sana in the end mafigure out ko why things have happened. sobrang selfless ko na. binibigay ko na lahat and it’s up to them na kung ano yung gagawin. being around with people bores me sometimes. nafrufrustrate na din ako sa work. wala silang sense of reponsibility and it’s just so f up. sobrang pagod ko na. diko na alam. diko na talaga alam.

[yel0-0]

Just like everyone else, I’m allowed to have boundaries

[yel0-0]

this hits differently 😩

I think a lot about how we as a culture have turned “forever” into the only acceptable definition of success.

Like… if you open a coffee shop and run it for a while and it makes you happy but then stuff gets too expensive and stressful and you want to do something else so you close it, it’s a “failed” business. If you write a book or two, then decide that you don’t actually want to keep doing that, you’re a “failed” writer. If you marry someone, and that marriage is good for a while, and then stops working and you get divorced, it’s a “failed” marriage.

The only acceptable “win condition” is “you keep doing that thing forever”. A friendship that lasts for a few years but then its time is done and you move on is considered less valuable or not a “real” friendship. A hobby that you do for a while and then are done with is a “phase” - or, alternatively, a “pity” that you don’t do that thing any more. A fandom is “dying” because people have had a lot of fun with it but are now moving on to other things.

I just think that something can be good, and also end, and that thing was still good. And it’s okay to be sad that it ended, too. But the idea that anything that ends is automatically less than this hypothetical eternal state of success… I don’t think that’s doing us any good at all.

[yel0-0]

5/2/22

happy doggo!!! 🫶🏻

[yel0-0]

5/1/22

can satisfying my cravings with my own money. grateful to have job (nakakatamad lang minsan WAHAHA)

[yel0-0]

4/27/22

it is so beautiful 🥹

im so tired with work. my workfriend already submitted her resignation letter and i kinda feel sad huhu. today is just good. i ate yummy foods. all that matters.

[yel0-0]

4/22/22

[yel0-0]

4/22

simple joys of life. goodmorning!

[yel0-0]

wrap up

- submitted my application (finally!)

- new laptop (a chrome book btw)

- been through one of the toughest problem i have ever encountered in my life but i have finished strong

- end of my 6 am shift (thank you lord!)

[yel0-0]

[yel0-0]

4/16

[yel0-0]