yellow-flicker

[yellow-flicker]

How to stop feeling this way? I know he loves me, but my mind is so anxious about his love.

My mind keeps on shouting at me,

"He'll leave you."

"He'll get tired of you soon."

"You amount to nothing."

"You don't deserve him."

What can I do? I can't help but feel this way. How can I stop myself from being anxious about his love? That he won't leave me? That he won't get tired of me?

How intense a reassurance can give me, when I, even don't trust my own self?

I don't even wanna utter that dangerous prayer cause I'm afraid of what His answer might be.

Can I just stop being anxious and worried?

Can I just give my all and love fully?

Can I just not hold back and love less?

I don't want to be a burden.

I don't want him to drown with my love that he might think it would suffocate him.....

Then leave me.

[yellow-flicker]

Baby, tell me the truth. Do you only love me cause you have to?

[yellow-flicker]

This is so relatable in so many levels.

There is this ache in my heart.

Something is missing.

I see people falling in love around me.

But it never happens for me.

I want to know what real love is like.

But I'll never be enough for anyone.

Not talented enough.

Not pretty enough.

Not charismatic enough.

Just not ever enough.

Who would want to put up with me?

Someone broken and bitter.

Jealous I am and jealous I will always be.

Struggling with my ever-changing mood swings.

I feel a coldness in my heart-

As I wine and dine with envy.

I wish I was enough.

I wish someone loved me.

When will someone look at me and tell me that I am enough?

When will someone want me?

[yellow-flicker]

I frickin hate that I feel this way

Everyone is so pretty.. Why do I have to look like this?

[yellow-flicker]

Walang hanggang papuri saýo, Panginoon. Thank You for everything. Hindi ko na ipipilit ang mga bagay na gusto kong gawin. May Your will be done. <3

[yellow-flicker]

Update(07/26): They didn't call back or send me an email after this interview. Well I guess it didn't work out? But still grateful and joyful for that experience. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

Great day

Today's a great day. <3 I just had my 51 Talk interview a while ago. It's nerve-wracking tbh. I can't remember what i said. Hahahaha!

I'm trying out all the possible options for work.

Be it Work From Home, Office-Based or even Clinic. Let Your will be done, Lord Jesus! Please put me in a place where I won't compromise my time seeking You. 06.08.21

[yellow-flicker]

credits to Note.

[yellow-flicker]

It's June 12 today, independence day. It's only been a few days since I posted this but from happy thoughts few days ago turned into another episode of depressing posts.. Why why why

Great day

Today's a great day. <3 I just had my 51 Talk interview a while ago. It's nerve-wracking tbh. I can't remember what i said. Hahahaha!

I'm trying out all the possible options for work.

Be it Work From Home, Office-Based or even Clinic. Let Your will be done, Lord Jesus! Please put me in a place where I won't compromise my time seeking You. 06.08.21

[yellow-flicker]

What to Do

They say I have an attitude problem. I complained a lot. I whined so much. I easily get angry. I am not contented. They say I am depressed, whiny, an overreacting brat, negative-thinker, pessimist and ungrateful-- you name it.

Maybe it's true?

I got a lot of baggages in my heart. I don't love myself enough. I am frustrated with my life and can't see the beauty in it.

Yes, maybe this is my fault to feel this way. I can't help but overthink.

I also detach myself from everyone and keep this problem to myself. I tried sharing this but no one listened to me. They all say it's all in the mind. Yes, it is. I am crying for help but no one is actually listening. They say they cared for me but instead of listening first, they give me unnecessary advice. All I want was for them to listen to me first.

I don't want this. I feel weak. My mind is sending me these things even if I don't want this. They even said words that added to my insecurities and self-pity instead of helping me.

It's saddening that a bubbly girl like me would feel this way.

[yellow-flicker]

are you okay?

difficult question

[yellow-flicker]

During the times that you can’t walk, I will carry you with me. You are my forever.

Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin

[yellow-flicker]

Great day

Today's a great day. <3 I just had my 51 Talk interview a while ago. It's nerve-wracking tbh. I can't remember what i said. Hahahaha!

I'm trying out all the possible options for work.

Be it Work From Home, Office-Based or even Clinic. Let Your will be done, Lord Jesus! Please put me in a place where I won't compromise my time seeking You. 06.08.21

[yellow-flicker]

Still feeling this as of June 2021. I am tired of being single.

I don't wanna lie for something I truly feel. I wanna be so freaking honest about how lonely I am. I am lonely.. so freaking lonely.

I feel so lonely. I feel alone. I am disgusted with myself. If anyone reads this, I know you'll irk too. I am sorry for just voicing out what I really feel inside. I AM FREAKING LONELY. I BADLY WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME. But who would love me, right?! Yes, I know it is always my family and God who loves me unconditionally. But what I am saying is... romantically speaking.. who would?? 😢😢 Oh Lord, I am so sorry for feeling this way. I am so lonely right now. Why is it for others, they easily jump into one relationship to another? But why me??? Even once, I haven't experienced getting surprises for Valentine's Day? Why am i always the one who is single?? Why am I not getting someone to like me? I am so desperate, Lord. Please give it to me. This is really my problem. I have no one to talk to because they will think of this as absurd.. But this is how I feel.. I am lonely right now. The more I look at my social media feed, the more lonely I become. I'd never thought these things would make me feel lonely.. I would've never in a million years expect this time will come that the very thing I am sad about is this thing called "being single"

Lord, why do people my age never wished to have a boyfriend but they easily get it? Unlike me, who is desperately waiting, praying, wishing but still, there's none? I AM SO SAD, LORD. WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY 😢😢😢

Sorry, Lord Jesus. I just want someone to talk to. 😢😢😢😢

[yellow-flicker]

June 2021 and still, no one. I hate thinking that I am being destined to be single forever.

yung tipong ready ka na magkalovelife kaso walang nagkakagusto sayo o kahit crush man lang? Saklap mehhhnnn

[yellow-flicker]

Here I Am - Jo Hyun Ah (English Lyrics)

Trembling in this frozen time

I’ve stopped walking on this exhausting night

Sending my longing along with the wind

I’m lost looking for you

Where are you

Where are you my dear?

Here I am, here I am

Always at the same place

Still I am, still I am

I’m waiting for you

Even if the world stops

In this time with no answer

Here I am, here I am

The storm stops my cry

As I stop before the risen sun

The warm breeze blows

So I shouted toward you

Where are you

Where are you my dear?

Here I am, here I am

Always at the same place

Still I am, still I am

I’m waiting for you

Even if the world stops

In this time with no answer

Here I am, here I am

Who, here I am

Who

Here I am, here I am

Always at the same place

Still I am, still I am

I’m waiting for you

Even if the world stops

In this time with no answer

#FaveOST #MrQueen

[yellow-flicker]

Girl, this 2019 advice for myself didn't work. It's 2021 now, i still am single. Maybe my stars to help me be in a relationship ain't finding me. Like ever. Where's my future boyfriend? Why am I still single? How long will I have to wait for my future boyfriend to come? Or should I just say, "wait no more, he ain't coming after you. stop being delusional!"

Yeah right. That's the BEST advice that should be shoved on my face. Truth slaps. 😂😂

My thoughts about the topic “The man that God has for you will look for you or pursue you.”

To be honest, I was really skeptical to post this one because I don’t think I would even made a point. Bur somehow, I wanted to share my thoughts about this so here it goes.

“The man that God has for you will pursue you.”

As a young adult, I can’t help but think about building a family of my own in the near future. But how can I do that? I am not dating or even going out to meet somebody or whatever. And tonight, I saw a video on Youtube about dating or marriage that somehow had an impact on me which is that quote.

As a woman who is afraid of getting her feelings hurt, I somehow believe in that piece of advice. So maybe God really has someone for me? But for now he is a work-in-progress? (well who doesn’t? ugh sorry).. that I just have to be patiently waiting for him and just focus on myself first. And according to that video, if someone showed up, it doesn’t mean that he is already THE ONE so you just have to ask God for help (which is a thing that i would be grateful for). But I am slightly confused rn.

But…

There are questions that pop out on my mind that says… “How can a man pursue me if I don’t show any interest in him? How can I know who my potential husband is if I wouldn’t let him know me in a deeper level or vice versa?”

I think in a man’s point of view, if he could feel that a woman has interest in him or is showing/reciprocating his feelings, then that’s the time he will pursue you or continuously pursue you. With that, you would know each other in a deeper level. So that’s the time to ask God if he’s really the one for you. And if not, still, ask God for help. Because letting a man do all the walk and talk without showing even a slightest effort would just lead you nowhere. it’s like you are saying that all you have to do is wait for a perfect knight and shining armor who will still pursue you regardless of how you treat them. Uhm that’s not always the case. It’s as if you have to wait for something to be spoon fed for you? Uhm no.

I think what God wants us to do is to enjoy our singleness for now and make that time to know more about Him first and everything will be revealed to us after. Revealed meaning God will make us realize first what we are really looking for exactly in a man. After doing that, then that’s the time we will let/entertain potential people (like smiling to them, not being snobbish, try to go out on a date etc) whom we feel/think would be the one who we can spend our lives with forever. And praying to God the right decision we have to make.

A work with no action here on Earth would be nothing (except for a miracle all thanks to God) We are not just looking for marriage but a HAPPY marriage. To attain that, we must all pray to God the decisions we have to make. We also have to work some things out if we really wanted something to happen.

Idk. Just a thought. I don’t think I am making myself clear. Very unorganized thought. Just typing what’s on my mind *sighs*

[yellow-flicker]

Will reblog this shit again. Yeah, I know. Nganga pa din ngayong 2021. I now start to believe that i dont attract anyone around me even pets hahah

yung tipong ready ka na magkalovelife kaso walang nagkakagusto sayo o kahit crush man lang? Saklap mehhhnnn