yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

I know I’m not the kind of person that’s often asked to go out on a date. In my five years of being single, I just went on two dates, those were a fail tho. Tonight was supposed my third but, he didn’t show up.

IDK now, this hits differently. A deeper level kind of pain.

Oh well.

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

So parang FO na rin dahil hinayaan ko na mag-end ang friendship namin. And that’s okay. Friendship is something that’s not to be forced.

I know I am not a perfect person and I use to drive people away because I admit, at times I am the toxic one. So whoever stays, thank you, and whoever leaves, thank you pa rin.

Shet. Mas masakit talaga sa jowa breakup and friendship breakup. Hehe. Anyway di ko naman need ng advice. Gusto ko lang ilabas to and as always, after all this rant and ramblings, I’ll be okay na.

Good night.

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

Isa sa rason kung bakit hanggang ngayon di pa ulit ako nagkaka-jowa HAHAHAH

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

Suddenly, I had the urge to open my account here. It’s been a while.

And I just realized that I don’t have a Tumblr app here in my new phone.

I have totally forgotten my login details here but thank God for FaceID HAHA.

Anyway, hello?

So now I am back here and all I can say is “bakit ang delulu ng posts ko nung 2020-2021?” Haha. Na-private ko na 😂

IDK what to post next. Probably some random shit that I cannot share on the other apps. If you know me personally and you read something in here, please STFU. Haha JK.

Okay that’s all for now.

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

Wow. It’s almost a year since I last posted here lol.

Anyway, bakit ang hirap replyan ng hahaha ni crush? Like, what should I say to get the conversation going?

Wala. Napa-goodnight na lang tuloy ako LOL

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

I didn’t planned anything for today because I was kinda expecting someone will do a surprise visit here at home but I guess that was just a figment of my imagination or day-dreaming.

Maybe I should stop and make last minute changes?

Where should I go? Or should I go out? I’m kinda scared because it’s pandemic but who cares LOL.

Happy Birthday to me 💖🥳

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

“Accept that part of loving is being disappointed by your beloved. But also, be honest enough that you have disappointed those who have loved you. Be humble enough to acknowledge that you have disappointed and you have hurt and blemished the love of those who loved you.

Accept that our love is imperfect and the love we will receive is also imperfect.”

-Archbishop Soc Villegas

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

Eeyore have Pooh and Piglet.

I need my Pooh and Piglet

I’m Eeyore.

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

Said this to myself since 2019. I’m still learning though. I know, this is not easy. But I’ll get over this eventually

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

wew. na-miss ko mag-Tumblr gamit desktop HAHAHA

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

Maybe, you just like the attention he’s giving to you. But what if he does not anymore?

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

I know this scenario. This seems familiar. Looks like it happened seven years ago.

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

"Sa kanya lang naman ako nakipag-break, hindi sa inyo."

Salitang nasambit ko kagabi sa mga kaibigan nya. Ewan ko ba, ang lakas din naman kasi ng loob ko na kitain sila. Wala eh, napalapit na ko sa kanila sa totoo lang. Sila yung nakakaalam ng istorya namin. Istorya na hindi alam ng iba.

Ang higpit ng yakap sakin kagabi ni B. Sya kasi yung unang taong nakakita kung pano ako tratuhin ng di maayos ni J. Hindi kwento sa messenger o DM sa IG. Aktwal nya nakita. Kaya alam nya at naiintindihan nya kung ano man ang nararamdaman ko ngayon, kahit sinabi ko naman na okay lang ako.

Hindi ko makakalimutan yung gabing yun eh. Huling katangahan ko na sa buhay ko yun. Kaya sobrang tagos sa dibdib yung yakap sakin talaga ni B kagabi bago ako nagpaalam.

Minsan talaga napapatanong na lang ako sa sarili ko eh. Anong nangyari?

Tapos ngayon malalaman ko na para sa kanya pala di pa kami tapos, pero hayaan ko na lang muna sya sa kung anong ginagawa nya ngayon. Ano yun, babalikan na lang ako pag di na ulit sya busy? Anong klaseng shit yan? Paki-explain nga?

Deserve ko ba talaga to?

Marahil, isa sa dahilan ay yung parati kong sinisigurado na available ako lagi para sa kanya, kaya siguro, feeling niya madali lang naman ako balikan. Kasi andito lang naman ako eh.

Ano, ganon ganon na lang ba yun?

Pwes, di na ngayon.

Wag ako.

Wala na ko.

Umalis.

Hinahanap yung pake ko sayo. Nalaglag ko ata kung saan.

Yung natitirang pake sa puso ko, para na lang to sa mga taong may pake rin sakin. Tulad nila JM at B. Hingi ka sa kanila.

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

Help

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

Yup, I understand. My friends didn't sign up to a full access of my drama.

😞

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

Stumbled upon this article from Thought Catalog, and suddenly, I asked myself: "Did he really helped me be the best possible version of myself?"

I can't barely remember a single moment when he did something to encourage me on my passion. Sure, he did not stopped me to do the things that I want to do, but it's just like that. Nothing else.

Is it maybe because we have different interests? Or he's just too focused only on himself and his growth?

I just realized everything after six years...and now I feel validated. Now I know I did the right thing almost three months ago. The guilt of letting him go is now slowly ceasing.

Alright then. I'll do it by myself for now.

Here's the link of the article: https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2019/08/this-is-the-only-way-to-truly-determine-if-someone-is-the-love-of-your-life/

[yeyeyeyeyeyeaaahh]

Dami pang gustong sabihin

Ngunit ‘wag na lang muna

Hintayin na lang ang hanging

Tangayin ang salita

‘Wag mo akong sisihin

Mahirap ang tumaya

Dagat ay sisisirin

Kahit walang mapala

‘Pag nilahad ang damdamin

Sana ‘di magbago ang pagtingin

Aminin ang mga lihim

Sana ‘di magbago ang pagtingin

Bakit laging ganito?

Kailangang magka-ilangan

Ako ay nalilito

‘Wag mo akong sisihin

Mahirap ang tumaya

Dagat ay sisisirin

Kahit walang mapala

‘Pag nilahad ang damdamin

Sana ‘di magbago ang pagtingin

Aminin ang mga lihim

Sana ‘di magbago ang pagtingin

Pahiwatig

Sana ‘di magbago ang pagtingin

Pahiwatig

Sana ‘di magbago ang pagtingin

Iibig lang kapag handa na

Hindi na lang, kung trip trip lang naman

Iibig lang kapag handa na

Hindi na…