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ynsbrightorbs · 10 days ago

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Hiiii I really adore your writing. You have written one of the most complex character stories I’ve ever read like seriously especially Hange in Hamartia. I want to ask since you mentioned this before how Hange may have borderline personality disorder? I know a little about it but you also said you’re diagnosed so I was hoping maybe you had some more insight on that? Sorry if this is too personal and you totally don’t have to answer if you’re uncomfortable but I am genuinely interested in the complexities of Hange in Hamartia you write them so beautifully I am seriously so in love with your Hange 😭 love you!!!

fair warning this may be long . . .

just to reiterate, i did not intend for hange to have bpd in hamartia originally. like i didn't ever think okay let me make them borderline. i just think it naturally occurred because of the pieces of myself i put into them - which is both amusing and fascinating to me that this has happened lol

ive reread hamartia a few times since its been pointed out to me that hange has these characteristics and i can absolutely see and agree that there is a pattern. im not gonna try to give you crash course on bpd but i will just point out some of the things and behaviors in hange throughout the story that i think align with the disorder.

from least obvious to most, were told in the early chapters when yn first makes her mental list of hanges traits that theyre impulsive. we see this manifested in that day where they bring her to work (and the second time they bring her as well) we also see it when they suggest going to find a coffee table, and even impulses in their speech when theyre talking to yn - they dont really think before they speak or act such as when they kissed her for the first time.

their emotions are quick to come and quicker to pass. we start seeing this when hange is first triggered by yn after their first kiss, when they pull away from her and snap at her when she enters their room without permission. theyre quick to this point of anger but quickly come back down and feel the opposite. their emotional instabilities are seen in many other chapters but one instance ill point out is when petra, ymir and historia made the group chat to pester hange about not mentioning the beach trip to yn. hange became so genuinely upset over this for such a small and clearly lighthearted thing. theyre extremely sensitive and its easy to trigger them over seemingly small things.

emotional permanence. this is very brief but in the chapter where hange is on tour and is face timing yn in the van and theyre going on and on about plans for when they get back, only to stop when they realize yn has fallen asleep. instead of hanging up, they stay on the phone. theres a disconnect that hange feels here where they seem to be the one caring more for the other person than the other person cares for them. this feeling was also present in their former relationship with talia, where she seemed to not prioritize them the same way they did for her.

wont get too much into this but obviously substance use, sh and si behaviors. will be explored more in chapter 23.

instability with self. when were introduced to hanges room theres two main things that are noted: its bland and the closet mirror is covered. whereas, hanges room back at their grandparents house was full of all their favorite things. we know that hange enjoys certain things, they love records, books, video games, biology, yet we see none of this in their current room. we assume by the mirror that they hardly even look at themself; low self esteem. they struggle understanding who they are and what they genuinely like, because after all in the very first chapter we see that hange doesnt even want to be in the band - yet theyre doing it, even more than that they basically make all the music. instead of trying to understand themself they go along with what others want them to be, leaving their room empty.

instability with relationships. from the start, hange has never had a stable home enviorment. their relationship with their dad has always been very poor and their grandparents who supported them perfectly still couldnt create that all welcoming and all loving home they needed. when we meet hange we see theyre living alone in a two bedroom apartment. they mention how theyre not much of a people person. come to find out the explosive ending of their relationship with talia, their fight with eren, with their dad, and their grandparents, then out of all people yn too. the fight with yn really solidifies that no matter how much hange loves and cares for someone they can split in that instant of a second.

and the split aka all or nothing thinking. its very clear in the fight with yn how aggressively hange has split on her (going from this feeling of genuine love for her to this violent anger and hatred for her instead) as the fight goes on we see hange struggling with this, going from remorse for yn to anger again and back and forth until theyre finally able to come to a place of reason - after yn threatens to leave. other examples where they split happen earlier when they cant decide if they want to push yn away or not, admitting to avoiding her, their harshness towards her at the corner store, their immediate response to everything being hitting up pieck.

this is the last piece that will be delved into in the next chapter so i wont go too much into it now but i mean. you can very clearly see the sudden change in hange from their voice inflections to the way they interact with her after she claims to be leaving the apartment. their mom left. their dad left. their grandparents newly abandoned them and now yn was doing the same. they have an internalized fear of being left, similar to how they exploded on talia when they believed she was doing the same to them.

so yeah ! thats basically all my notes i think, chapter 23 will touch on this so look forward to that !

i really appreciate that you ask though :,) i love hanges hamartia character, theyre so flawed and beautiful (their pov next chapter btw) love you lots

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ynsbrightorbs · 10 days ago

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THE HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS HEADCANONS WERE SO SO GOOD <3333

ABHH THANK YOU SO MUCH :(( im very new to writing headcanons, i wanted to try to mix a one shot and headcanons I’m happy you liked it i appreciate you very very much ^___^

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ynsbrightorbs · 11 days ago

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Posting this here too, my interpretation of hamartia hange c:

#hange zoe #hange zoe x reader #lesbian romance #attack on titan #fanfic #hange x reader #Hange zoe fanfic #hange zoe fanart

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ynsbrightorbs · 14 days ago

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I have a Blade Runner AU Hange x Reader fic in my drafts, and your writing inspires me so much that I might actually get to writing it for real this time!! I love the amazing talent that you have <3

PLEASE WRITE IT PLEASSEEEE THIS IS SO AMAZING IM GLAD TO HELP IN SOME BACKWARDS WAY !! (If you end up publishing please let me know I’d love to read and support you)

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ynsbrightorbs · 14 days ago

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hey hope youre doing great!!! ❤️🫶🏻🫂

Hiiiii im doing okay!! Thank you for sending this, I hope you’re doing great as well <3

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ynsbrightorbs · 15 days ago

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Hi, could you write sfw and nsfw headcanons for hange? (as a person and as a partner)

✧˚ · .HANGE HEADCANONS - SFW & NSFW༉‧₊˚.

an: i realize i ended up going modern au with it so my apologies if you meant canon hange </3

MINORS DNI !!

𖹭.ᐟ Hange is a sensitive person, though they often try to discount this through humor. Their sarcasm is rich and they love to mimic and mock when they’re actively being teased or proven wrong. Deep down, they’re fragile, and they take impersonal things to heart, ruminating for weeks after.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange is charismatic, but clumsily. They often stutter or stammer or slur their words. They try to carry on the conversation, but sometimes it gets so bad they retreat into silence. This doesn’t stop them though, they love to banter. Depending on the topic of conversation, they could talk for hours about many things - not even just their interests. They love expanding their opinions and points of views by opposing sides.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange often forgets how to use their body - in a way where they often bump into things, often tripping with feet too large or legs taking too big of a step. They’re very wrapped up in their head most of the time, thinking too much too fast, that the physical world becomes secondary to them.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange likes to doodle. They’re not good at it, but they enjoy drawing people very stylishly, often giving people upbeat and silly expressions opposed to the saddened ones these strangers wear. As a partner, they leave sticky note doodles on the fridge for you to see. The collections pile up every month but you can’t toss them; you paste them in a scrapbook instead.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange grew up without proper resources. They were made fun of in school for tattered clothing and greasy hair. As an adult, Hange prides themself in hygiene. They shower twice a day and flat iron their clothes. As a partner, you’ve witnessed how dirtiness makes them antsy. Not in a compulsive way, but they can become irritated in environments that remind them of their childhood.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange hates drinking water. They understand how vital and beneficial it is, that’s often their first piece of advice when you complain about headaches, but personally they rarely drink it. They keep flavor packets in their bag and always keep the fridge stocked with sodas. You often have to bribe them with affection to drink enough water.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange collects a lot of random things. They have a shoebox full of river rocks, a desk drawer with tons of magnets they don’t use, and their dresser has a place dedicated just for their neatly organized socks.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange is independently codependent. They never admit how much they rely on you and swear up and down they don’t at all; but if you stay the night with a friend, if you visit home or are simply too busy for long periods of time, they start to miss you so badly it feels like a physical presence in their chest. Like you’ve been removed from them under the knife.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange is generous. They always share their fries with you, even if you claimed not to be hungry when they ordered them in the first place. They don’t get off on the praise from people, they enjoy the feeling of being needed in some small, miniscule way. They savor how your face softens and melts whenever they surprise you, whenever they pick something up for you on the way home because you had simply mentioned it earlier. They notice.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange is attentive. They notice when your moods shift, when the sun gets too hot, or when their belongings are slightly out of place. Change affects them greatly, due to their sensitivities. So they try their best to stick to a routine. They’ve had the same routine for years, and now they’ve added you into it.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange is a gentle partner. They’re inexperienced and awkward and that makes intimacy with them like a game to be played. You were the first person to ever go down on them and they struggled to comprehend why you’d want to. They were fine - more than fine, they indulge in you - with the other way around, so when you first got on your knees for them they simply wanted you to stand so they could reach your lips again.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange takes their time with you. They’re never in a rush with sex, because sex to them isn’t just about pleasure. Sex to them is an experiment to see just how much you can give.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange doesn’t ask for anything. They’re tall and awkward in their body. Often they tell you how they feel like an alien in a human suit, so fucking them becomes a special occasion. They don’t like penetration, they like your mouth and the fascinating toys you’ve collected.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange’s a hair puller. They become lost within themself when they’re about to cum and they release this tension by gripping the roots at the back of your head. They enjoy how, even when you have their swollenness between your lips, they can still remain in control.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange adores the way you sound and all their efforts are to hear you whimper just one more time.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange likes tribbing with you and only you. They trust you so completely that they aren’t scared to be so vulnerable with another person, as long as it’s you. They’re bigger than average and when the heat of the room becomes so thick you swear you can feel them slipping inside you. They become so engorged that with your cum still spread over them, you simply have to take them into your mouth afterwards.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange isn’t much into kinks, but their heart shivers when you beg. It’s useless though, they’re a fool for you and they only need to hear a single plea before they conform to your every wish and desire.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange relishes in aftercare. They honestly seem to prefer it more than the sex itself. They like how easily you fit into them, how easily your cheek rests on their labored chest. They like how soft you become, how worn and sleepily you yawn - as if you hadn’t just lied there for them.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange likes to kiss you as if it’s the last time they’ll ever get the chance to. Once the two of you laid together in a sex-numb stupor for hours simply kissing; at times they just wanted to keep your lips on theirs, to remind them you’re still theirs.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange likes tea but they prefer coffee. They’ll make two mugs worth while you catch yourself in bed and bring it to you with steam still tendriling over its sides.

𖹭.ᐟ Hange, in the most simplest of terms, adores you. They adore the way you look and the sound of your breathing. They like to take pictures of you like this, just for them to keep. Not for any lewd reasons, but just because they think you’re grand. Like you’re the most devastatingly beautiful thing in this world.

#hange zoe #hange zoe x reader #lesbian romance #attack on titan #hange zoe headcanons #hange x reader

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ynsbrightorbs · 16 days ago

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Can I request some Hange x Reader Headcanons or One shot? Of them being literal highschool sweethearts,imagine them being married after they graduated college.Honeslty just want some cute and whole one shot you can even make it suggestive to smut if your alright with it.YOUR ONE SHOT IS SO GOOD AJAJAJOAKA I LOVE HOW YOU WRITE HANGE 😭💕💖

⋆. 𐙚˚HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS - MASC!HANGE X FEM!READER HEADCANONS

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ fluff, the smallest touch of angst, and nsfw suggestions, minors DNI ! ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ an: this is my first time writing headcanons, i have no idea what I'm doing but i wanted to try it out, hope you like it c: word count: 3.8k

𐙚⋆°. It started in Sophomore biology, when the two of you were the odd ones out on a group project. Hange was the opposite of popular and you couldn’t tell which friends in your pool were genuine or not - so, like all good things, your bond came as a surprise.

𐙚⋆°. There was an inside joke of the schools, one involving Hange and a particularly cruel word which you refused to use. But you weren’t blind; they wore bagged jeans and long sleeves under t-shirts. They never did much with makeup or even bothered to style their hair - and it was rumored they’d been seen kissing the leader of the girls track team behind the bleachers.

𐙚⋆°. You’d never given it much thought; what it would feel like to kiss someone who doesn’t fit the normative. That is, until you found yourself sitting across from them on their bed - both of you deep in your textbooks with busy hands taking notes, silently. Their room was small but not in a crowded way. They kept it somewhat clean but clearly lived in, and that made it possible for you to feel so comfortable all at once - at least, that’s what you blamed it on at the time. It was decorated like a trove of everything they loved; from movie posters to books and manga, all the way to a desk which hosted their secret talent; painting.

𐙚⋆°. Hange was never in any clubs. They didn’t participate in after school activities, certainly they weren’t in student union or even a performance art. They went to school as needed, talked as little as they could, and ended every school day hoping they could walk home just one minute earlier. So, when you found out their secret, your jaw could have dropped.

𐙚⋆°. Hange didn’t paint just anything, they painted in oils. On their desk, they had two canvas sheets in progress besides a glass pallet full of paint. One was a landscape, more specifically it looked like the view from their second story window. The other, the one you kept looking at every time Hange was too focused to notice, was a portrait of someone you didn’t know - and damn, was it impressive. Like silk and buttermilk, you thought.

𐙚⋆°. The two of you didn’t talk much the first day. It was awkward and tight. But the second day, their mom offered to make lunch and the two of you sat in the kitchen eating grilled cheese sandwiches, discussing the miscreants of biology who made your eyes roll most.

𐙚⋆°. On the third, Hange made a crude joke that they later cringed at, but they remembered well how you laughed regardless.

𐙚⋆°. By the fourth day, your project was nearly complete - a perfectly modeled replica of human DNA accompanied by perfect descriptions of each function. You were in charge of the paperwork, and Hange put their artistic skills to use by crafting the best model your teacher had seen in his years; he even kept it as a display well after you graduated.

𐙚⋆°. After the completion of your project, things remained the same for a while. That is until you started to take note of everything they did around school. You memorized their other classes - math in the morning followed by gym then history on A days; english, AP chemistry, and biology were for B days. You remembered where their locker was, and which hallways they’d take to get there the quickest - sometimes they’d cut through the library if they were in a rush. Most damning, you witnessed every single day how they’d sit alone during lunch. Rarely were they in the cafeteria, they chose the quad most days but a secluded side; where there was grass and a maple tree offering her shade. It took a few weeks until you finally worked up the courage to join them.

𐙚⋆°. Your friends were the same friends you’d had since middle school, and each of them liked to bicker and pick each other apart. You hated that about them, you hated how the things you were most insecure about would be used as meat on their platters. Hange wasn’t like this, even if they didn’t talk much to begin with you had this gut feeling they had to be kind.

𐙚⋆°. The day you chose to sit with them for lunch, those friends booed you and used that cruel word directed at Hange as you walked away. It didn’t matter though; Hange never seemed to care for the names and they smiled when you approached them on the grass.

𐙚⋆°. They were awkward, and you liked that about them. It felt like you could tell them anything and they wouldn’t mind. They wouldn’t ridicule you. They wore a t-shirt of their favorite video game that day so you asked, and Hange proceeded to spend the entire lunch period explaining the game, its story, its characters and complexities until the bell rang mid-sentence. “Sorry.” They told you. But you shook your head, “It sounds really cool, would it be okay if I came over? We could play it together, if you wanna.” Hange said yes, and this was the beginning of forever.

𐙚⋆°. They were flustered when they realized, it was a B day and biology was your last class together. When the bell rang, you suggested walking home together, and they were eager to accept, but hesitant due to the fact that they rode their skateboard to and from school each day. Out of all the things you’d been studying about them, the skateboard was a complete shock.

𐙚⋆°. That day, they let you try on the longboard. You knew how to ride a bike but even then, your balance was subpar. You started on a flat of sidewalk and they walked behind you as you’d slowly push yourself forward - and by slow, it was agonizingly slow. But the thing about Hange was they didn’t mind. Not one bit.

𐙚⋆°. Hange made it a point that they needed to go to their room and clean up a bit before bringing you upstairs. Their mom wasn’t home, the house was empty, so you spent a grand total of seven cherished minutes pacing the living room and the hallway by the stairs observing every single picture frame. You were delighted to see Hange’s always been this way - a little rough around the edges with seemingly no fucks to give.

𐙚⋆°. The two of you sat on their bed, arms length apart, with a shared controller in hand as you swiftly spent five hours playing their game. It was half story and half action, Hange would take over when you couldn’t maneuver fast enough or when the puzzle was too hard. They’d beat it in minutes.

𐙚⋆°. That night, Hange’s mom never came home. It was dark by the time you finally realized how much time had passed, so they decided to walk you home. Come to find out, it was only a three block venture.

𐙚⋆°. When summer came, your three block distance became a god send. Mainly, you’d head over to Hange’s house when your days would drag. They always seemed to be home alone.

𐙚⋆°. One day in particular, you decided to come unannounced because heaven had seemed to fall from the sky in the form of a part 2 to the game they adored. You used some of your savings to purchase a copy, and their face sank when you showed up - so chipper - at their door.

𐙚⋆°. They were wearing a long sleeve shirt which was stained to death in different, varying colors of paint. Even their blue jeans were messy, down to a small spot on their sock. They begged you to wait, but you were in a rush. You didn’t care if their room was a mess, you just wanted to play. But upon stepping into their room, you understood exactly why they begged.

𐙚⋆°. Their desk was prepped with an in-progress painting, and in contrast to the other portrait you’d seen them working on, this face you recognized straight away - because this face wasn’t just any person, it’s you. In fact, you were everywhere. Not just on one canvas, but you were drawn and sketched over and over again on different sheets which were scattered on their desk and tacked to the wall.

𐙚⋆°. “Hange?” you called, frozen still with an equally frozen stare on their canvas.

𐙚⋆°. “...Yeah?” they reluctantly answered.

𐙚⋆°. “Is that me?”

𐙚⋆°. All Hange did was silently nod their head, ashamed. They started to apologize, cursing under their breath for being the way they are. But you blamed the coziness of their room for how easy it all was; you didn’t ask. You didn’t say a single word. What they thought would lead to an argument, to an end of a friendship, is actually what brought you to kiss them for the first time. You kissed them, and they stood there with awkward arms at their side, not knowing what to do. Even their eyes widened before slowly closing.

𐙚⋆°. Your parents are hip. When you told them the news, you didn’t need to come out. “I’m seeing someone now, and they’re coming over for dinner tonight,” is all you told them. Certainly, they expected a boy to show up at 6 pm sharp - your mother was pleasantly surprised to open the door to Hange, standing there in neater clothes and a small arrangement of flowers.

𐙚⋆°. Hange is loveable and cherished. They’re sweet, as they are funny. They’re passionate and artistic and lose themself in everything they love. This is exactly how it felt to fall in love with them; this slow thing which gained momentum into something grand, into something that you lost yourself in as the years passed.

𐙚⋆°. Your friends eventually gave up on you. They were quick to replace you, but you didn’t care. With you on their arm, Hange wasn’t so shy to expand their wings. They joined an after school club - art club - and made a few friends of their own, who naturally took a liking to you as their official girlfriend.

𐙚⋆°. High school swept by like a rug under your feet, and before you knew it you were applying to colleges while Hange’s paintings were accepted into galas - their muse was and would forever remain, you. They liked to sneak pictures of you when you weren’t looking, they loved your side profile to death and drew it whenever they could. They’d use these pictures as references, painting you in all sorts of ways, in all sorts of colors. But it was always the same, never changing. Their focus was on you and the beauty they saw within you, and they could never get enough.

𐙚⋆°. You were accepted at a college on the other side of the country, one of your top schools and the day you got the letter your heart burst and broke all at once. Hange was there, you called them to come over when your parents gave you the unopened letter upon your arrival. All three of them were ecstatic, and as your dad pulled you in for one of his famous hugs, your eyes swept over Hange, you frowned for a moment before returning to their joy for you.

𐙚⋆°. The two of you had a plan. Every other month you’d save enough money to split a plane ticket and visit home when your classes made it possible. You wouldn’t text too much, but you’d call, video call, every night to talk about your days. It worked beautifully until those bimonthly visits started to fizzle. Hange started to work more, they got a fulltime job as a teachers aid while remaining a part time artist with requests from galleries across the country. Some nights would come where either of you would be waiting by the phone for a call that never came.

𐙚⋆°. The first fight was brutal, and it happened over a video call which lasted well into the late hours of the night. They’d been spending more time with their coworker - a pretty blonde you felt you couldn’t compete with - and it nearly broke your heart when they had to reschedule your previously rescheduled flight so they could attend a seminar with her.

𐙚⋆°. You didn’t break up, Hange sent you flowers remotely the next morning and decided to give the girl a rain check. Because that’s the thing about them, they’re kind. Considerate. They wanted to help her because that’s just who they are.

𐙚⋆°. For your graduation, Hange took the trip with your family to attend. It was the first time they’d been out of state, and they fell in love all over again. They cheered the loudest when you walked, and they inherited your dad’s famous hugs as they enveloped you in one just like it.

𐙚⋆°. Hange was never keen on PDA. They liked having you to themself, they liked loving you in quiet ways that were just for them, just for you and your fantasized secrecy. That night, they got an air bnb somewhere on the coastline, on a beach you always talked their ear off about, and you spent the night loving each other in these quiet ways.

𐙚⋆°. It was a mutual decision, because your lives had seemingly merged so tightly it was impossible to not do anything by yourself anymore - not like you’d want to anyway. You decided to rent your first apartment just outside of your hometown, somewhere close enough where Hange could keep their job yet far enough away that it truly felt like you were adults spreading your wings for the first time.

𐙚⋆°. Hange never cared much for decorations, they left it all up to you. The only thing they begged for was a big tv, a comfortable couch, and a playstation.

𐙚⋆°. Routine is important. They kept a planner to a T and made checklists for their daily tasks - they enjoyed getting to mark each and every thing off. Your routine was simple: they’d come home first around 5 pm and make dinner; Hange’s a wonderful cook. You’d share a meal over a movie or complete silence depending on the day - depending on if quiet time is what was needed that night. This is something you adore about them, quietness never feels uncomfortable. You could simply sit in each other’s presence and feel peace.

𐙚⋆°. Hange received an offer a year and a half after your move: to teach a sophisticated painting course a few states away. It was a real job, no more teaching aid. They’d have a retirement plan with a 401k, but still they hesitated to tell you. They loved your life, the little one you’ve made in your quaint apartment. But soon you found out through a voicemail left on the landline you insisted on getting.

𐙚⋆°. You weren’t upset, you were just sad that they felt the need to hide it from you. The two of you shared everything together, down to straws and utensils. But Hange soon came to terms with a fact of this little life you’ve created: even if the tides change, your love will remain the same.

𐙚⋆°. The second apartment you moved into was an upgrade, it had an extra bedroom which Hange used as an in-home studio. Quickly, the walls and easels filled with portraits of you and the places you’d visit every now and again. They made a memory of your life in every step you took, and when they’d be away, leaving you home alone, sometimes you’d simply sit in their stool and admire it all.

𐙚⋆°. The first hardship came when you kept losing every job you got. It wasn’t your fault, just shitty timing and a recession. Even with a degree, you still struggled to keep employment and you felt the weight of that decision in the monthly bills for your student loans - the ones Hange had since started paying off, along with the rent and other effects.

𐙚⋆°. It was fine for a while, until savings got tight and stress began to undo the both of you, as it seems to always do to even the strongest of man-kind. You started snapping, started bickering over such small meaningless things, until Hange found you an internship at their school. It was unpaid for the time being, but they willingly picked up more classes to fund the endeavor. Because that’s them. Kind and considerate.

𐙚⋆°. It took six months until you were finally given a paycheck, and with it you took Hange to their favorite restaurant - somewhere retro themed that served classic burgers and oreo shakes - and that night you let them fuck you until you couldn’t properly stand.

𐙚⋆°. The third and final move came when you grew a fascination with gardening. The apartment didn’t have the room, and you’d talk Hange’s ear off all the time over different soils, different fertilizers and how hydroponics worked. You did a bit of window shopping, attending different open houses for a variety of homes until the day came when you stumbled upon it. On the outskirts of the city was a tudor home freshly renovated but still with its character intact. The papers were signed and in a matter of weeks you were home owners.

𐙚⋆°. Hange had their own studio, and you shared a room with another spare. They’d catch you many times in that spare room, standing with arms crossed and a contemplative look.

𐙚⋆°. Very soon after your move, they built you a garden bed from scratch in the backyard after an extensive trip to home depot.

𐙚⋆°. The day of your tenth anniversary, Hange asked you very simply. There was no grandness, because they knew that wasn’t you. They made dinner, your favorite, and set the table perfectly with candles and pretty plates. They told you to get your nails done, and you had to try to pretend like you didn’t know it was coming. Like the inevitability of death itself, they asked to marry you. They didn’t ask if you’d marry them, they never understood that. It was an honor to be in your life, to have you choose them - so the honor would be theirs, the question should be yours. You said yes, of course, and they placed a ring of gold on your finger. Something quaint but stunningly gorgeous, exactly as your life had become.

𐙚⋆°. That night the two of you popped open a bottle of wine and became so drunk on the couch you barely made it to the bedroom before your clothes were off.

𐙚⋆°. Hange knows who they are, down to exactly what type of socks they prefer. They knew, when the plans for a wedding started commencing, exactly what they’d wear. A white button up. A dark brown vest. Black slacks. Black loafers. And their hair had grown out just enough to keep it down, to let it curl at the ends in a way which was natural to them.

𐙚⋆°. Their vows were exact and purposeful. After a relationship full of quiet love, they boasted their affection for you for all to see. They wanted everyone to know, even the staff who helped host at the small national park venue you chose. They wanted the sun and the moon to hear simultaneously just how much you’re adored. You cried, beautifully, and their note page of vows hangs in a picture frame by the fireplace mantel.

𐙚⋆°. Hange’s mom was a mystery though. You grew up with them in a sense, and you watched along their side how overworked their mother had become. She was a single mom raising them, trying to keep up with a middle class suburban lifestyle. The day she fell ill was as unexpected as Hange who dropped everything and took a flight home without you.

𐙚⋆°. You were frantic and worried to death. Their phone died because they left so quickly and forgot a charger. By the time you heard back, their mother was dead.

𐙚⋆°. The following weeks were spent in purgatory. They took a hiatus from work and went back and forth, between home and home. They were in charge of her artifacts, of the childhood home they’d now have to put on the market. And it was the test of all tests of your relationship because soon you realized that the considerate and kind Hange you’d known and fallen in love with turned unwillingly sour with their grief.

𐙚⋆°. When they finally returned home, when all her things had been sorted through or donated and the house went into furlow, they collapsed in your arms and wept. You made them tea and sat with them on your comfortable couch, turned on the playstation, and let them lie with a head on your lap as you played their favorite game for them. This time, you were able to maneuver efficiently and solve every puzzle in a matter of minutes.

𐙚⋆°. A few months following, you decided on a cat at the shelter, and soon this cat became more like kin than a pet. Hange was adamant about his diet, even more adamant about his enrichment and well being. They leash trained him, and soon you became the couple who’d walk their cat around the park every few days.

𐙚⋆°. Children were never on the table. You were content and happy, but most importantly you were busy. Children are a blessing as much as a demand, and it was difficult enough to ensure the two of you were satisfied in your relationship without the threat of a child needing you too. You filled the spare room with hobbies, with a couch and an extra tv. You made it cozy, somewhere where either of you could escape to for quietness in the rustle of your lives.

𐙚⋆°. Hange and their lists, they’d itemize your groceries and it would be a full endeavor to shop. They had a wholesale card and wore a baseball cap to keep their hair out of their face. Your job was to push the cart as they marked every item off with a pen and a smile.

𐙚⋆°. For the fifteenth anniversary, Hange surprised you with a trip to Italy. Again, they were itemized and precise, all you had to do was pack and board a plane. They chose the more rural side of Italy, where it was damningly hot and forsakenly gorgeous. They brought watercolors and asked to paint you here, everywhere. Your air bnb overlooked the countryside and in the early morning, after a night of sex and lust, they asked to capture you here, naked, with the sun gleaming off your skin and your hair just slightly off, slightly messy and overwhelmingly beautiful - the way your life had been.

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