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Superbat commission

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two babies!!!

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i thought i lost you (again)

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Jason : Dick, I need your help.

Dick : Oh my god it's finally happening my little brother needs help!

Jason : Dick listen-

Dick : Alright so you know how to bury a body and make it disappear. You're good at cooking and stuff so no household help. You definetly don't need a pickup after drinking...... So what kind of emotional mess are We in?

Jason : First of all, rude!

Dick : You'd hang up on me after said "I need", I am nothing but polite here!

Jason : Well you're not wrong.

Dick : See?!? So, emotional mess?

Jason : Yeah OK listen, I did a Bruce.

Dick : You did a what now?

Jason : A Bruce. There's a kid sleeping on my couch and -

Dick: Oh my god. Are they an orphan?

Jason : Yes? No? I don't know.

Dick : Black hair, blue eyes?

Jason :..... Yes

Dick:..... Well,.... Are you gonna let them fight crime after they discovered your secret identity and/or force their way into your nightlife by being a sidekick you never asked for but can't get rid off any more?

Jason : OK Listen, he came like that!

Dick, whispering: Oh my god, you did a Bruce.

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“Jason is rash, impulsive and reckless!!”

Jason Todd:

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This is a direct squeal to that battle for the cowl au I posted last week which can be found here

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Duke is 1000% sure he does not want Bruce as his dad. Whenever he’s asked about it he rearranges which family member Bruce is. Everything but a father

Reporter: Mr. Thomas, have you officially been adopted into the Wayne family?

Duke: Why would my great uncle adopt me? You sound dumb.

Reporter: I– what?

Duke: Bruce Wayne's my great uncle, twice removed. He doesn’t need to adopt me. Plus I still have a dad.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New Teacher at a parent teacher conference with Bruce and Duke: Mr. Wayne, your son–

Duke: He’s not my dad.

Teacher: excuse me?

Duke: He’s not my dad, he’s my half brother.

Teacher:… Huh?

Duke: what? you don’t see the resemblance?

Bruce pinching the bridge of his nose, feeling a mirage brewing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Villain of the week: Why don’t you fly back to Papa bat, Day bird. This isn’t a kids game.

Duke: Excuse me, Batman is my great grandmother five times removed and you’ll respect that.

Villain, beyond confused: I– I don’t even know what to say to that man.

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he will use every chance he gets to be a drama queen and if he doesnt have one he will create one

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I just think that a live action Batman movie should just be 2 and a half hours of Bruce trying and failing to get everyone to come to a debriefing session. It'd be full with subplots, like a story inside of a story thing where it's cutting between Bruce and whichever kid and crazy thing /

The haters will hate it because Bruce is the only one who doesnt suit up or get a fight scene

[Gotham Harbor]

Steph: *taking down Kite Man on a sinking stolen fishing boat*

Steph: Good thing I followed you down here. I knew something was fishy.

[Batcave]

Bruce: None of them are here yet? The meeting starts in fifteen minutes.

[Crime Alley]

Jason: *shoots a henchman*

Jason: I've burned through your last reserves. It's just you and me, Sionis.

[Batcave]

Bruce: *paces back and forth while checking the clock*

[downtown]

Dick: *in a motorcycle chase with the Riddler*

Dick, into his comms: Oracle, update on the bomb threats?

Barbara, from the Clocktower: I've located both bombs inside the bank vault. I'm dispatching Huntress and Batwing to diffuse them while Flamebird and Azrael are on crowd control.

Dick: You're the best.

[Batcave]

Bruce: *checks the computer*

[Gotham University]

Bernard, whispering into his phone: Punchline is holding the chem lab hostage.

Tim, watching from a rooftop: I have eyes on the situation. Bluebird is scoping the perimeter as we speak.

[Batcave]

Bruce: *takes a bathroom break*

[Kahndaq]

Cass: *staking out Lady Shiva's new hideout from over a dune while munching on chips*

[Batcave]

*toilet flushes*

Bruce: *comes out with toilet paper stuck to his shoe*

[Nanda Parbat]

Damian: *fighting Ra's and a bunch of assassins one-handed while while dangling off a mountaintop*

[Batcave]

Bruce: *checks his watch again*

[Iceberg Lounge]

Kate, in disguise: You sure about this?

Selina, also in disguise: I know Penguin. Just follow my lead.

[Batcave]

Bruce: This is seriously not like them.

[space-time continuum]

Duke, falling through the multiverse: AAAAAAAAHHH!

Duke: *faceplants in another dimension*

Miles Morales: Wrong universe?

Duke: How'd you know?

Miles: It happens.

Miles: *hits a button and sends him back*

[Batcave]

Bruce: *has his back turned*

Dick: *rides in on his bike*

Tim: *swings in*

Jason: *walks through the door, wiping blood off his helmet*

Steph: *picks a sardine out of her hair*

Cass: *shakes off the sand*

Kate and Selina: *toss their disguises aside*

Damian: *sheaths his sword*

Barbara: *patches in over video*

Bruce: *turns around*

Bruce: Excellent, you're all on time.

Bruce: Wait.

Bruce: *does a headcount*

Bruce: Where's Duke?

*portal opens in the ceiling and Duke falls out*

Duke: Present.

Bruce: Good. Alfred, pull up the briefing.

Bruce: *looks around*

Bruce: Alfred?

[post-credit scene]

Alfred: *sipping a coconut on a beach*

Alfred: I needed this vacation. I have been nonstop working since 1944.

MCU elderly Steve Rogers: You and me both, pal.

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they forced damian to wear normal clothes for this

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10 year old Dick: "Bruce, when you get married, can I be the best man?"

Bruce: "Of course, chum."

---

12 year old Dick: "Hey Clark, do you think when you get married, I can be your best man?"

Clark: "I don't see why not."

---

25 year old Dick: "In my defence, I had no way of knowing you'd end up marrying each other."

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Clark: "Hey, B, are you okay, you look a little--"

Bruce: "What ever you are about to say, don't say it."

Clark: "Why?"

Bruce, in a whisper: "Because Dick has taken it upon himself to impress me with backflips should I appear upset."

Clark: "And this is a problem because?"

Bruce, still whispering: "Because whilst in all other ways he is a gifted acrobat, every time he does a backflip, without fail, he falls on his face and fighting back the urge to laugh everytime is starting to wear on me."

Clark: "Aww, Bruce. Sounds like he messes up on purpose to try and make you laugh, 'cause I've seen him do backflips lots of times."

Bruce: "Oh..."

---

Bruce, later as he tucks Dick into bed: "If you really want to make me laugh, you should do that thing where you jump onto Clark..."

---

Dick, the next morning leaping from the chandelier: "SKY ATTACK."

Clark, scrambling to catch him: "Jesus, Dick!"

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i love it when people write tim as having been fully indoctrinated into the bats but jack drake is still alive and just… there. watching incredulously with narrowed eyes as his son joins another family.

-at a gala, jack and bruce conversing-

tim, walking up to bruce: dad, alfred called and said we’re out of orange juice. he wants us to pick some up on the way home.

bruce: sure

jack:

jack: what.

tim, turning to jack: oh hey, didn’t see you there. *leaves*

jack: WHAT?

bruce: sorry for the interruption, anyway as i was saying-

jack: IS HE GOING HOME WITH YOU?!

bruce:

bruce: i mean he arrived with me, so…

jack: WHAT-

-

-during a filmed interview-

bruce, hand on tim’s shoulder: and this is one of my middle children, tim-

*in the background of the shot we see jack drake throw his hands up in the air before storming off indignantly*

-

-jack knocks on the door of wayne manor in the early morning-

tim: *opens door, yawning and wearing pjs* oh hey dad, what do you need?

jack:

jack: i was dropping off misdelivered mail- what are YOU doing here?

tim: i mean… i WAS sleeping in my very comfy bed, but then you woke me up. thanks for that.

jack:

jack: WHY ARE YOU-

tim: i think the real question is why didn’t you know i wasn’t back at drake manor, HMM?

jack:

tim: thanks for the mail- oh shit this is the thing Damian and i ordered for our new pet, i cant believe it got delivered to the wrong house, thanks for bringing it.

jack:

jack: are we still family?

tim:

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They’re not allowed to get interviewed anymore

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Headcanon that Jason goes to his grave to relax and absolutely scares the shit out of people

———

Dick: approaching Jason's headstone with flowers, and teary eyes "Hey Little Wing... I know we argued yesterday, and I—I just needed to come here like I used to. Sometimes I forget you're actually back."

He kneels, placing the flowers down and running a hand over the engraved name.

Dick: "I really miss the way things used to be between us, you know? Before everything went sideways..."

The ground shifts slightly beneath him. Dick freezes.

Jason: casually pushing open his coffin lid and sitting up with bed hair and a stifled yawn "Could you keep it down? Some of us are trying to rest in peace here."

Dick: jumps backward, tripping over a nearby headstone and falling flat on his back. His scream echoes through the cemetery. "HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE ACTUAL—" clutches his chest "JASON?!"

Jason: stretching "Who were you expecting? The Joker?"

Dick: scrambling to his feet, voice cracking "WHY WERE YOU IN YOUR GRAVE?!"

Jason: climbing out and brushing dirt off his jacket "It's the only place in this godforsaken city where I can get some peace and quiet. Alfred's always cleaning at the manor, Tim's typing is incessant, and Damian—" he shudders dramatically, "—exists loudly." gestures to the coffin "Memory foam. Added it last month."

Dick: still hyperventilating "That's... that's the most morbid thing I've ever heard."

Jason: shrugging "Says the guy who talks to my headstone when I'm not dead."

Dick: after a long pause "...Does Alfred know about this?"

Jason: "Who do you think brings me sandwiches?"

Later that week, Bruce installs a security system at the cemetery after finding all his sons napping in Jason’s weirdly furnished grave at numerous points. 

———

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Collection of “I’m Robin and being Robin gives me magic!”

Part 1 | Part 2 of Ghost Jason Series

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The first time Dick comes to one of Jason's safehouses to patch himself up after the mission, he cannot find the medical kit no matter how hard he looks. He almost wonders if Jason has one at all. When he questions it, Jason motions to the bottom cabinet of the kitchen, where he instantly finds one; a few others are, he says, are in the bottom drawer near the bed. Dick groans, gripping his side as he crouches to pick it up.

"Little Wing, your placement sense sucks," he tells him, no heat, just silent amusement.

Jason shrugs.

He remembers his attempts to reach for the top shelves with his throat being cut, how he didn't have much power and was mostly crawling around apartment, helpless. How he was sewing himself back laying on the floor, barely propped against the wall, his hands traitorously shaking.

Or a few other times, when he was left alone with no help after fights with Bruce, and grovelling was easier, and thus it was much quicker and helpful to have these kits stacked as low as possible.

He doesn't say that aloud. He doesn't really want to make Dick for no reason.

And so, they never bring that up again, except for when Dick wants to tease him.