you-are-worth-the-wait

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

So this happened 🤗

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

I’m going to take down most/all my pics. Even the random ones. I don’t necessarily want someone to figure stuff out.

You know I think about writing to you everyday. I just…don’t know what to say anymore. I mean, I do. I just don’t think or feel it’s worth it anymore.

I’m in too deep and I guess this is my life now. At least you have love.

The whole “definition of stupid is doing the same thing expecting different results.” That’s how I sometimes feel. To have the feelings and thoughts for you expecting them in return. Sad…

So many things going on in my life and I’m just wasting it because a part of me doesn’t really care. I’m kind of back to the way I felt before you. The sooner I figure out how to accept things, the sooner I’ll be able to “live” I guess.

I still find reasons to smile but I feel stupid because I know that feeling won’t last or I’m just fooling myself into thinking I’m happy. I’m not. But I guess it is what it is.

I don’t lucid dream as much anymore. I don’t really even care in the dream world too. Last two dreams I had about you hurt. The first one was like we were at a open area concert with row seating. You were a couple rows back from me and I tried to get your attention but you just ignored me. I kept sneaking glances at you but it’s like I didn’t exist to you. So during a break I came over to you to say hi. You then told me that you were with your friends and didn’t have time for me. That you were there for them and that you couldn’t bother to speak to me because it would take away your focus with them. The other had you warming up and practicing on the violin and I was next to you trying to get your attention to talk with me. But you just kept warming up, purposely ignoring me. I even did random stuff to get your attention but you purposely ignored me, tuning and making like you were focused on the violin. You then just walked away to join the people you were performing with. But the people around you could tell you were different in some way so they ended up coming over to me asking what I did for you to be OT act the way you were. I couldn’t say anything. I just ended up lying to them saying that nothing was wrong and that you were just nervous and wanted to focus on performing and what not even though we both knew you purposely avoided interacting with me. I guess that’s where my mind is when it comes to you and me. That I’m not worth your time any more because you have something better there that you’d rather have. That someone is worth more to you than what I could be to you.

I know. I’ll learn some day…

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

Hit and run on New Year’s day...

Hit and run on New Year's day... 

 A friend of mine and her daughter was recently involved in a hit and run incident on the corner of Green Valley Parkway and Robindale on New Year's day at around 930 am.  It is a heartbreaking way to start the new year but thankfully they are both okay.  They were hit T-bone like but thankfully the speed and the impact was not as great as it could have been.  The car that hit them still managed to push their car at least a 100+ feet before backing out of the impact area in order to go around them and drive away.  Physically they both suffered some trauma but hopefully with time those aches will heal.  Unfortunately her car was damaged to the point that it is not drivable at this time.  She originally shared her thoughts and feelings on her personal Facebook page.  Some people reached out to her and suggested she create a GoFund.Me page and share her story on here in order to just share her experience and thoughts in the hopes that someone may have seen something that day in that area.  She created a post on here and got some great feedback and many thoughtful words of encouragement.  She also received some clever comments that was able to make her smile.  For some reason her post was taken down and she got so discouraged by it that she debated on if it was worth creating a new one.  I took it upon myself to create an account on here and share her story on her behalf.   

 She also wanted to help raise consciousness and awareness in that actions do have consequences and it does not just affect yourself but those around you as well.  You can see the passion, frustration, and conviction of her thought and feelings in her post.  She was having trouble getting her message across so I wanted to do what I could to show my support in any way possible.  If her story even touches one person or changes someone's life for the better, then her story will have made a difference. 

This a link to her GoFund.Me page: https://www.gofundme.com/f/hit-and-run-accident-to-start-our-new-year?utm_campaign=p_lico+share-sheet&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=customer 

And this a link to a Facebook page that she created showing her original post from her own Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100089271367277&mibextid=LQQJ4d 

 Please share her story and make sure you express to your loved ones how you feel and what they mean to you.  Life is hard enough as it is.  Let's not make it any tougher on ourselves and/or others.

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

I’ve seen people eat kare kare with aramang without a second thought about it. Now, every time I see it I think about you…

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

Merry Christmas Love. Lily…

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Get me kewpie Mayo!!?!?!!

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Thoughts of the system so far?

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We should go bowling :P

How are you doing? Any plans for the 4th? Wanna see what kinda fireworks we can get from our spark? *ws*

Just a bunch of randomness going on here. Have an office roommate who constantly talks about girls his had in the past, the girls he has now, and the girls he’s trying to get. It’s fun. He tells me about the life/dating coaches he listens to/follows, says I should listen to them, tells me about his tales, his mistakes and his successes, what works and doesn’t work, the girls he’s targeting at the clinic. He’s definitely a character. And I think there’s something off cuz he repeats the same things over and over again, like same stories but he tells it like it’s the first time he’s told them to me. Just very full of himself and likes to talk about his conquests. Entertaining.

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

Hey there Love. How you doing? Having fun? Enjoying yourself? Be safe there. Take lots of pics :) or just have fun for me. Don’t miss me too much :P thinking about you. Lily…*skotc*

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

Hey Love. How are you doing over there?

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

My background music. If we lived in Cali, would we have season passes to Disney? Maybe it shouldn’t be would we have but more so we should have. Just saying :P

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

Dad had surgery on Friday and this is what he sent us. It was to help fix his “droopy eyelids”. He’s in the healing process and will have a follow up this Thursday. He’s been resting so all we did on Sunday was have a “Peaky Blinders” marathon on Netflix. Pizza and wings. Nothing fancy.

PMJ was good. Very powerful and talented singers. Even the weakest link was better than I could ever be and there’s a reason they are on stage and I’m not. Orepandemic? Did you mean to say pentatonix? There were 3 girls and 2 guys as their main featured singers. I had fave girl and guy. From start to end, I’d say pentatonix. But entertainment value, they were both good. Slight edge to pentatonix but PMJ def had their standout moments as well. I went with my brother and we were ground floor/orchestra level, row T, I think pretty much dead center and my brother was one seat off center to the right. Those are pretty expensive season ticket seats if we got them. Which reminds me, we getting season tickets? What day/time we getting them for? :P

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

Happy Father’s Day toil your dad. Hope you all are having fun and being safe. Thinking about/missing you. Lily…

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

hope you are enjoying camping.  be safe.  Lily...

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

sorry i wasnt able to respond sooner.  so this happened.  PMJ at the smiths center.  got a set list.  yay :P  

was gonna say.  more cameras?  and that’s prolly not even for safety.  i’m sorry but that’s terrible.  how can you live like that?  in your own home?  that you got for yourself on your own?  you are like a prisoner being monitored in the one place that i know you bought because of what it represented and meant for you. it was a sanctuary for you that you could return to after doing what you did during the day/night.  i remember how you talked about it and how you told me what it meant to you.  i remember your smile when you walked me through it for the first time and all you saw were endless possibilities.  you were so happy.  i have no idea if it was even for the possibility of/for us but to think of what it is now from what i know it was...gawd...i’m so sorry.  i dont even know what to say or think.  i dont know what you have to say about it.  it makes me sick.  i kinda wish i never knew about the camera.  the whole ignorance is bliss.  but for you?  i’m sad and frustrated by what that house is now compared to what it was meant for.  i want so much for you.  you deserve so much.  this is not what i wanted for you.  “that/this” is not meant for you.  no one deserves that.  this is just making me ill for you.  i dont know Love.  i just dont know...

i could make you wear a hat and mask and you can do sign language?  

most hotels have the “check in at 3″ standard but early check in based upon availability.  if we wanted a room to guarantee during the day, we’d need to get it for the night before.  i don’t really know how to work that cuz she has a daughter and unless she happens to sleep over at a friend’s, tough to justify leaving her alone for no reason.  i don’t know.  

i was gonna say may we could go somewhere other than “vegas” but you dont want to be out in public.  but i get it and understand.  i just want to spend time with you but i want it to be quality time.  not time where you are constantly looking over your shoulder and are just completely tense and whatnot.  i was going to say that i just want to be with you, is that so much to ask?  but apparently it is.  

i dont know about a place.  i’m still stubbornly stupid to think i have a chance at a future with you that i want to include you in the decision.  either way, the housing market value is high, it’s slim pickings, and interest rates are crazy.  it’s either buy now and get screwed or buy later and get screwed.  so...yeah...

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

my night out.  i ended up taking them to fremont and i dropped them off because her friend wanted to go and watch shaggy perform.  her daughter worked and it made more sense that she hang out with her friend and i go get her daughter from work vs me hang out with her friend and she get her daughter.  i will say that there was a window of an opportunity for a threesome but it was just a comedy of errors that just didn’t allow it to happen.  first the girl i hang out with was on her period.  then her friend eventually said she had “something going on down there” and of course we figured better safe than sorry.  the backside was open and fair game :P  so she said she’d be down, but not with the daughter in the house, so we’d have to get a room.  it was just becoming more and more of a hassled so i just said it wasnt meant to be.  we still had a fun night just hanging out and what not.

your jo bro outing didnt seem too fun.  that was kind of a terrible experience.  i rag on them but at least if i went to a concert or what not, i’d find a way to at least appreciate it even if i wasnt totally into it.  but yeah, to not be cognizant to those around them, not classy at all.  

heard about the incident.  no...not at our clinic.  saw the footage.  terrible response, reaction, and inaction.  my clinic my not have had their shyt together but i’d like to think our RNs are more experienced to have done more as far as response time and figuring what was lacking at the moment.  they ended up handing out the one way mouth to mouth equipment that next day after you mentioned the video.  all i know is if i was first to respond, i think muscle memory would kick in that once i determined no pulse to start compressions and have someone bring an AED.  the vitals machine, BS, and oxygen, i’d hope other people would eventually get it if they responded without it to begin with.  they did a mock code without telling us about the incident prior to that being leaked.  they just knew about it and wanted to test our reaction/response.  i was with an LPN getting ice cream in our breakroom when they called the code blue in the parking lot over vocera.  i just looked at the LPN and said, “did they just say code blue in the parking lot?”, and i took off without waiting for them.  i ran through the lobby and i grabbed the AED out in the lobby and went to the parking lot.  i got there and i think i was the second or third one there.  our emergency bag eventually arrived and our oxygen tank arrived later.  turns out our oxygen tank supplies were low.  also no one brought a vitals machine out.  live and learn.  i got kudos for getting the AED but i didnt grab everything in the case.  i didnt grad the PPE and clipboard that documented the minutes.  again...live and learn.  

i’ll have to admit that i’m a little more reckless without you.  there were things in hawaii that i noped out of because one mistake could possibly have meant the difference between life and death.  maybe in the past i would have been more inclined to do it but i think i’m past that point of needing to do something just for the hell of it that could result in death.  but if i can survive the mistake, then i’ll most likely attempt or do it.  i know i’ll still get hurt but i’ll live.  there were things i noped out of that my brother did and vice versa.  so you are correct in checking in on me.  usually this back pain goes away after two days so it’s a bit worrisome that it is going into its fourth day tomorrow.  i brought a mat so i could lay down in my room to ice my back and stretch it out every now and then.  just so happen the big boss came around the very moment i was laying down with ice on my back.  so i told my boss that there may be a little birdie that will tell him that i was caught, literally, lying down on the job.  then today, my boss saw it with his own eyes cuz he saw my stretching my back out doing yoga positions as well.  i mean, the big boss already saw me.  i couldnt get into any more trouble.  luckily i have a good report with my boss.  and the main boss, who knows.  havent heard anything yet but its the government.  you know how slow the process is :P

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

hey you.  haw are you doing over there?  you prolly are busy with family and all.  don’t want to really bother you.  i hope you are having a good time.  

i hurt myself playing basketball.  nothing major.  just that my lower back was acting up day before a game and then i ended up playing.  of course it got worse.  i knew the chances and consequences.  now i’m just trying to ice and stretch it out.  as long as i do that religiously, it should be okay in two days.  although this is the first time that i’ve noticed some tingling/numbness in one of my legs.  real minor.  

i went out with that one girl and her friend.  it was fun and uneventful.  so many “theatrics” of what happened and could have happened...lol.  it’s whatevers.  i think i’m being a bit weird and mean to see the limits this girl will go to.  you know how i just talk shyt and not really mean anything by it.  i say it to be random cuz it’s interesting to see how people react to random left field questions/statements.  

anyways, i hope you are doing well.  i know you are enjoying your time with family.  be safe and have fun.  hug and kiss your mom extra for me and send her my love.  that’s also meant for you as well.  thinking about/missing you Love.,,