you-common-cry-of-curs - Tumblr blog

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can we have sex and by sex i mean you beat me up. no i don't want to cum and frankly i don't want you to either. i just want you to hurt me

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im just fucking with you my liege

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ROMEO + JULIET (1996) dir. Baz Luhrmann  Harold Perrineau as Mercutio

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Don’t give me one-sided unrequited love, give me two-sided unwanted love. Both sides are deeply in love with the other and both sides are like ‘fuck, really?? them??? really?’

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legend 🙌

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All is True, dir. Kenneth Branagh

When the renowned Globe Theatre in London burns to the ground during a 1613 performance of William Shakespeare’s play Henry VIII, the 49-year-old playwright, poet and actor returns to his home in Stratford-upon-Avon to face a troubled past and his disregarded family. 

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Beatrice and Benedict are same-sex leaning disaster bisexuals who are both extremely surprised when they end up falling for someone of the opposite sex.

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I have seen more of heaven and hell than most people dream of. Ophelia (2018)

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→ T’is the season of the witch (A witch a day challenge), Halloween countdown: Day 13 :  The Three witches (Macbeth)

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What Your Favorite Shakespeare Character Says About You

I was sending these individually to people’s inboxes but then tumblr got weird about it and started thinking I was a robot because I was sending too many messages, so I made this instead:

Hamlet: You’ve been going through a PRETTY DANG WEIRD COUPLE OF YEARS. You’ve either taken at least one philosophy class or you’ve written/made/performed something inspired by your feelings about your parents.

Ophelia from Hamlet: You’re depressed but have a top-notch aesthetic. You are constantly amazed by how much the people around you can let you down.

Beatrice from Much Ado: You use humor and irony to cope with virtually any situation unless it involves one of your friends getting hurt. Then you are in Mama Bear attack mode.

Benedick from Much Ado: You either love Kenneth Branagh or are a Nerdfighter or both.

Macbeth: You either really love your significant other or really love Fight Club.

Lady Macbeth: You either went through a goth phase or you have really strong opinions about classic Hollywood divas/ aging female Broadway stars/ modern pop stars.

Richard III: You either love edgy memes or you’re the kind of person who really likes Loki and Kylo Ren. Or you absolutely hate the fact that Shakespeare portrayed him as a villain, which means that your favorite Shakespeare character is not Richard III at all, you just have a favorite historical figure.

Queen Margaret: You either own multiple pieces of merchandise with feminist slogans on them or you have very strong opinions about Game of Thrones.

Juliet: You are NOT getting along great with your parents right now. You have a favorite Disney princess and it’s not because of how she looks but what she’s been through.

Romeo: If you’re not an Instagram poet, you should be.

Mercutio: You like to make jokes while watching movies with your friends. Your friends probably don’t enjoy this as much as you do. You probably either really like The Joker or Deadpool.

Prince Hal: You, who most loves Prince Hal, are also more judgmental of his choices than anyone else. You’re the kind of person who puts together really intricate, detailed plans for upcoming events or projects and devotes yourself totally singlemindedly to them while acting like you are under no stress and having a good time, sending out lots of friendly and chill sounding reminders like, “Hey guys! Things are moving along! Just a few updates!” You lie awake all night in a panic about these things.

Hotspur: You would think that people who love Hotspur are also jocks, but in fact, they are actually enthusiastic nerds who are always up to argue relentlessly about their favorite topics.

Falstaffs: You are either someone who has played Falstaff, wants to play Falstaff, have seen a favorite actor or loved one play Falstaff, or are leading literary critic and Yale professor Harold Bloom.

Richard II: You either have a very detailed pinterest, instagram, or tumblr devoted to your personal aesthetic. You tend to self-sabotage. If you ever get married, you will be WEIRD about your wedding. Also, you are probably not heterosexual, let’s be honest.

Rosalind from As You Like It: You have probably wished you could give lessons to a previous partner of yours of how to be a less sucky boyfriend/girlfriend. You have had at least one controversial haircut among your friend group.

Viola from Twelfth Night: Same as the above, but also people constantly guessed incorrectly about your sexual orientation growing up. And also, you still sometimes think wistfully of your high school crush.

Malvolio from Twelfth Night: You are smart, but you often do stupid things. You like to watch ‘cringe compilations’ or follow humorous fail/shaming blogs, but you also constantly worry you will find yourself on them.

Olivia from Twelfth Night: You have had a string of BAD RELATIONSHIPS and are DONE right now, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not extremely committed to STYLE, because you are.

Paulina from The Winter’s Tale: You HATE your boss.

Shylock: You constantly feel the need to tell people that he is NOT a villain and everyone else in that play is terrible. You can’t even enjoy The Merchant of Venice, but you keep going to see productions of it anyway.

Iago: You constantly feel the need to tell people that you’re not actually racist, but you just think he’s a FASCINATING VILLAIN.

Othello: You weep when certain songs come on the radio.

Prospero: You are writer who often complains about how HARD it is to be a writer despite getting very little done.

Caliban: You actually like A Tempest better than The Tempest.

Ariel: See PUCK below, except you’re less annoying.

Puck: You used to do gymnastics, martial arts, or some other kind of sport or dance because your family hoped that would help you get some of your energy out and you’d be less hyperactive, destructive, and disruptive. You have a bad habit of accidentally breaking things.

Helena: You had really bad self-esteem in high school and still have really bad luck in relationships.

Titania: You used to have Lisa Frank everything in elementary school.

Oberon: You really like Renaissance faires

Brutus: You have always been either an overachiever perfectionist or someone who habitually bites off way way way way way more than you can chew and makes a mess of it despite trying really hard. You remind people to bring an extra sweater to events because it might get chilly.

Cassius: You are extremely smart and yet you’re also an impulsive mess who does weird things like start painting your entire bedroom at 2 AM. You feel like you somehow have the sworst luck in the world and that if you had more opportunities, things would be better. You have a grudge against specific celebrities.

King Lear: You have a favorite elderly British actor.

Cleopatra: You secretly consider the Kardashians or other similarly luxuriously-living reality stars an extremely guilty pleasure. You also may have gone through a strong Ancient Egypt phase in elementary school.

Coriolanus: The Prince of Egypt made a big impression on you even if you’re not religious. You are quiet and reserved but swear like a sailor. You either have a huge crush on Tom Hiddleston or have a favorite Civil War battle.

Katherina from Taming of the Shrew: Either you don’t actually like Taming of The Shrew or you’ve never actually seen/read Taming of the Shrew.

Anyone else: You’re just Too Cool For School, aren’t you?

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ok @shakesankle wanted a happy ending and I’m a people pleaser, so here you go. [cut under “so he can explain things to Tullus] Tullus, of course, had heard everything, and while Caius was still talking to the fam, he had called his team mates. While Caius is packing up his things (not giving back Tullus’ underpants, because he just can’t make himself give up this reminder of the happiest moment of his life), his entire new team arrives at Tullus’s house. When he comes down into the kitchen, ready (not really though) to say goodbye forever, they’re all there like Honey This Is Your Intervention. Tullus tells him that yes, he actually is gay. His mates know, his parents know, it’s all cool. He was a little scared to make an actual move on Caius because of the whole girlfriend situation, but gosh you and me are a thing, after last night you can’t deny it! It’s clear for everyone to see! [vigorous nodding and affirmative murmor from the others] Adrian says “Listen, mate, you included three of us in this team are gay. Janus is probably bi, he’s definitely looking both ways” [all laugh, Janus shrugs] “point is, we’re with you. We’ve all been where you are, you don’t have to go through this alone!” [lots of “yeah dude”s and “don’t worry”s and clapping on shoulders] And Bacchus tells him that his best friend overheard Caius’ girlfriend Virgilia tell her best friend in a bathroom at school that she isn’t really pregnant, his mother is just forcing her to say that and Virgilia feels horrible about it. Tullus reminds Caius that he’s turning 18 next month, and that his mother can’t do anything about him leaving the team and being as gay as he damn well pleases. [Caius cries. Group hug.] [three weeks later] Caius is moving into a tiny appartment with exposed brick walls. His new team and some from his old team who actually do feel really guilty about the whole thing help carrying boxes. While Caius picks up a potted plant from the van that Tullus’ really sweet and accepting parents rented for the move, he is approached by his ex girlfriend. She apologises for helping his mother. While she is very sad about the breakup, she has always suspected that Caius was gay, and had hoped that by being extra domestic she could convince him to stay with her. She knows that was wrong, she just didn’t know how to help herself. Caius hugs Virgilia. He tells her that he isn’t angry, because he really understands what it means to be under his mother’s pressure. They both cry a bit. She picks up the potted plant, saying “let me carry this for you. You’re shit with plants.” [both laugh]

Tullus saw the whole converstaion from the window, smiling at seeing his boyfriend happy.

Caius quits lacrosse and founds the all-male cheerleading squad to Tullus’ team. Because fuck gender norms. He is an athlete, and he is gay, and he is very happy.

there have been modern teen adaptations of a lot of shakespeare plays. romeo and juliet. the taming of the shrew. more than one of twelfth night. a midsummer night’s dream. even othello, which you wouldn’t really expect to make a high school flick. so, when are filmmakers gonna get it together and give us high school macbeth? heathers took us halfway there, go on and go the whole nine yards.

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High School Coriolanus Caius is a lacrosse jock or sth, technically one of the cool kids, but with anger issues (everyone thinks he’s on steroids, because he constantly lashes out and he’s just a little too good at his sport). He wins a very important game for his team against a rival school, and everyone’s like yo you should become prefect. He doesn’t really feel it, because tbh he doesn’t give two shits about his class mates, he just wants to play baseball ffs can everyone just give me a break. His power hungry mum keeps pressuring him, though, because she sees her son as a future politician, and the relationship with his girlfriend (who can’t wait to just get married and have a nice, quiet, normal, married life, without this aggressive, dangerous sport in it, thank you very much) is getting worse. His coach Menenius is trying to get through to him and calm him down, but what does he know about being 17 and frustrated and just ugh i mean that dude is ancient and noone gets me anyway. [lots of teen angst. Caius probably has a Nirvana phase at this point]

He agrees to becoming prefect just so people finally shut up about it, and wins the election. Two guys from the debate team, however, find he is too arrogant and question his motives. They start rallying his team against him, until they agree they don't want him as their captain anymore.

Hurt and angry, Caius goes to the rival school’s lacrosse team’s captain, Tullus, because he feels like that’s the only person who might understand him and he sees him without his lacrosse helmet for the first time and shit that guy is kinda cute?! Also really good at lacrosse. And fucking ripped. And he does understand. [Serious bonding over sports and feeling pressured] And Caius decides to change school. Because while his team mates used to admire him (and that sure felt nice), he feels like this guy, his rival, migth be his only real friend. He gets an awkward boner when Tullus tells him that he had a dream once about taking off Caius’ helmet after a match and them making out in the locker room, but that doesn’t make them gay, right? They’re just mates having a laugh, right? He stays over at Tullus’ for a weekend. They listen to Nirvana together and develop strategies of their next match against Caius’ old school. Tullus says “Dude, I know officially I’m this team’s captain, but like, we’re totally doing this together. You’re my bro, bro.” They almost kiss, but not because they’re gay. That was just a really intense bro moment. (That night when Tullus’ parents are out and the boys raid Tullus’ father’s booze cabinet and parade around the living room in nothing but briefs and lacrosse helmets is a little gay, maybe)

The next day they wake up (wearing each other's briefs, for some reason) from the door bell. It's Caius' mother, giving him a very emotional speach about how she misses him, and how he can't betray his old team because they're his family, can't you see? They made a mistake, they know that, we all want you back...

She also brought his girlfriend along, who tells him under tears that she's pregnant.

And Caius cracks. He promises to pack his stuff, and asks his mother and girlfriend to leave so he can explain things to Tullus. 

Tullus, of course, had heard everything, and while Caius was still talking to the fam, he had called his team mates. When Caius walks home, they beat him up with their lacrosse sticks. Tullus cries the entire time while he does it, quits the team afterwards and comes out to his parents.

there have been modern teen adaptations of a lot of shakespeare plays. romeo and juliet. the taming of the shrew. more than one of twelfth night. a midsummer night’s dream. even othello, which you wouldn’t really expect to make a high school flick. so, when are filmmakers gonna get it together and give us high school macbeth? heathers took us halfway there, go on and go the whole nine yards.

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Hamlet: [has an emotional breakdown] Everyone in the audience: I would like to thank not only God but also Jesus, but mostly the collective costume department of London theatres who seem to have made it their mission in life to always give Tom Hiddleston jeans one size to small.

So the RADA Hamlet is a pretty amazing production and the entire cast is fantastic, but the best moment was when Hiddles bent over a table and there was just this collective intake of breath as everybody’s sexuality kinda recalibrated and the entire fucking audience leant forward to get a better view of his butt

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not that I ever had any doubts about the subtextual implications of "my good sweet honey lord ride with us” 

i can’t stop fucking thinking about my english prof talking about the queer historical significance of the word “sweet” as a deliberate indicator of homosexual love and how that relates to both edward ii and gaveston, as well as hamlet and horatio. so, because shakespeare was likely totally knowledgeable about codes that queer men were using (cos like duh obvs), the inclusion of “sweet prince” at the end of hamlet is in all likelihood a completely deliberate indication that hamlet and horatio were in love

i’m???? so gay for literature and history lmao

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I am 100% convinced that “exit, pursued by a bear” is a reference to some popular 1590s meme that we’ll never be able to understand because that one play is the only surviving example of it.