youareamiracle

[youareamiracle]

Realizing you're greyromantic the hard way when you had an amazing partner but then you broke up bc you didn't feel romantic attraction anymore but now that you feel it again you realize you made the biggest mistake of your life and you just hate yourself for it and cry for days bc you can't have a conversation with them right away about that

[youareamiracle]

Romantic Relationships vs. Queerplatonic Relationships

(Please note that for the purpose of this post I’m using “queerplatonic” to mean “committed platonic relationship” as I know not everyone is comfortable with this term. I am talking about my own experiences, and for my own experiences queerplatonic is the word I enjoy using, although I know this isn’t the case for everyone.) 

A very close friend of mine recently was questioning their romantic orientation, and asked me what the difference between a committed platonic relationship and a romantic relationship was. This gave me pause, and it’s also a question I get here at Aromantic Aardvark quite often. Usually I answer with “it’s self-defined, no one knows how you feel but you”. I still agree with this sentiment, but while talking to another friend of mine - also an aro in a committed platonic relationship - I think I came up with a definition, or at least one that works for me personally. Please note that I am not saying this definition works for everyone, however.

My idea was that queerplatonic relationships were sort of the ‘mix and match’ of relationships, which is why it’s so hard to define and articulate. If you ask twenty aro spectrum people who experience these feelings what this word means, you will get about twenty different answers. With romance, even though some of the things may vary within specific relationships and everyone has a different experience with it, there is still a narrative that is generally followed and things that are expected in a romantic relationship. For example, bed sharing, hand holding, cuddling, kissing, etc. One or two of these things might not be present in the specific relationship, of course, but there tends to be certain things that are expected in a romantic relationship before it is simply considered platonic. Likewise, there are certain things expected in strictly platonic friendships - in most friendships, if you kiss or share a bed with them, it would generally be considered unusual. 

Queerplatonic to me means the breaking down of narratives. It means no rules. It means doing, essentially, whatever you are comfortable with. If you want to be best friends for all intents and purposes but also get married, that’s okay. If you want to kiss sometimes but don’t want to feel obligated, that’s okay too. This is why every person in a relationship like this has a different definition of it, because there are no rules. Queerplatonic means forging your own definition, saying “neither platonic or romantic is right”, and just doing whatever feels comfortable in the moment. It means making your own structure, mix and matching what you and your partner feel comfortable with. And I think trying to strictly define a queerplatonic narrative defeats the whole purpose of it. The purpose of it is to forge your own definition, to say “none of these words fit, so I’m going to make my own”. Queerplatonic is the breaking down of boundaries, or at least, that’s been my experience. It’s uncharted territory that has no societal bounds, that has no one making a strange face at what you do or don’t do in your relationship (or at least, not from people who understand the concept). Queerplatonic means mixing and matching, saying “I want to do this platonic thing, and this romantic thing, but not this romantic thing”.

That is, fundamentally, the most important part of a queerplatonic relationship. Breaking down boundaries, blurring the lines between platonic and romantic. The specifics may be different depending on the specific relationship, but that’s one thing I’ve found that all have in common. 

[youareamiracle]

Romantic Relationships vs. Queerplatonic Relationships

(Please note that for the purpose of this post I’m using “queerplatonic” to mean “committed platonic relationship” as I know not everyone is comfortable with this term. I am talking about my own experiences, and for my own experiences queerplatonic is the word I enjoy using, although I know this isn’t the case for everyone.) 

A very close friend of mine recently was questioning their romantic orientation, and asked me what the difference between a committed platonic relationship and a romantic relationship was. This gave me pause, and it’s also a question I get here at Aromantic Aardvark quite often. Usually I answer with “it’s self-defined, no one knows how you feel but you”. I still agree with this sentiment, but while talking to another friend of mine - also an aro in a committed platonic relationship - I think I came up with a definition, or at least one that works for me personally. Please note that I am not saying this definition works for everyone, however.

My idea was that queerplatonic relationships were sort of the ‘mix and match’ of relationships, which is why it’s so hard to define and articulate. If you ask twenty aro spectrum people who experience these feelings what this word means, you will get about twenty different answers. With romance, even though some of the things may vary within specific relationships and everyone has a different experience with it, there is still a narrative that is generally followed and things that are expected in a romantic relationship. For example, bed sharing, hand holding, cuddling, kissing, etc. One or two of these things might not be present in the specific relationship, of course, but there tends to be certain things that are expected in a romantic relationship before it is simply considered platonic. Likewise, there are certain things expected in strictly platonic friendships - in most friendships, if you kiss or share a bed with them, it would generally be considered unusual. 

Queerplatonic to me means the breaking down of narratives. It means no rules. It means doing, essentially, whatever you are comfortable with. If you want to be best friends for all intents and purposes but also get married, that’s okay. If you want to kiss sometimes but don’t want to feel obligated, that’s okay too. This is why every person in a relationship like this has a different definition of it, because there are no rules. Queerplatonic means forging your own definition, saying “neither platonic or romantic is right”, and just doing whatever feels comfortable in the moment. It means making your own structure, mix and matching what you and your partner feel comfortable with. And I think trying to strictly define a queerplatonic narrative defeats the whole purpose of it. The purpose of it is to forge your own definition, to say “none of these words fit, so I’m going to make my own”. Queerplatonic is the breaking down of boundaries, or at least, that’s been my experience. It’s uncharted territory that has no societal bounds, that has no one making a strange face at what you do or don’t do in your relationship (or at least, not from people who understand the concept). Queerplatonic means mixing and matching, saying “I want to do this platonic thing, and this romantic thing, but not this romantic thing”.

That is, fundamentally, the most important part of a queerplatonic relationship. Breaking down boundaries, blurring the lines between platonic and romantic. The specifics may be different depending on the specific relationship, but that’s one thing I’ve found that all have in common. 

[youareamiracle]

[youareamiracle]

I really love railway and I wanted to analyze it as it's easy to think this song is about sex when reading the lyrics, but I think there's more depth to the song than just that. The song clearly portrays an unhealthy obsession, as we can see with the 1st Chan, dressed in dark, with a vampire-like eye, he's not totally human, in the beginning we hear a growl, his fingers turn into claws, and he has no hesitation when it comes to killing people. But where does he go ? Since the beginning, we can guess that he's looking for freedom as he breaks free from his cell (so he's indeed dangerous) and it's even more obvious in the 2nd verse where we see people reaching the top of the fence, towards the sky, the light, and freedom. So his 1st character is obsessed with freedom so much that he's not even human anymore and really doesn't care about the casualties as long as he gets what he wants.

But surprise, he gets back to where he was, putting back his coat on the hanger and meets the 2nd Chan, dressed in white and more human, he controls himself and doesn't yield to any kind of pulsion and doesn't murder people. He punishes the 1st Chan with a stick that reminds us of the cane the 1st Chan used as a symbol of his power, but now he lost it all. I think he even looks scared, or at least shocked when he's coming back to where he was as if he was realizing what he's done. I think this 2nd Chan isn't a real person but represents the more human part of the 1st Chan, who, when he realizes what happened, decides that it's better for everyone to repress his obsession and goes back to his cell (as we can see with the last shot filmed from the cell pov). There's also this quote “the evil deed committed always returns to the person who committed it” appearing in the first pre chorus I think, showing that if 2nd Chan is the human part in 1st Chan, he's indeed shocked by what happened and acknowledge what he did is bad, and if 2nd Chan is really another person, then he really gets punished for the bad things he's done (I still think it's the first option as we saw 1st Chan's power, if 2nd Chan wanted him back to his cell he could've been killed easily). The dynamic of power between 1st and 2nd Chan shows the thoughts of 1st Chan slowly realizing what he's done, his internal fight.

There's also the red carped and the chain ladder (that looks like a railway) that I don't really know how to interpret. The chain ladder in getting covered by the carpet when Chan is escaping, the chains can remind us of the cell bars (preventing someone from being free), and the carpet is flowing over them like blood, showing that Chan really breaks free by using violence. When he gets back to 2nd Chan though, the chains are over the carpet, he committed violent acts but he's still prisoner from the chains

In the end, for me this song is way deeper that just about sex, it's about being driven insane by an obsession, internal conflict to reach what one craves the most, how the end doesn't justify the means and that if you want to get somewhere, the path matters as much as the destination, if not even more

[youareamiracle]

Fuck personality tests. Who comes to your mind when I say “Michael”

[youareamiracle]

I hate the gymbro side of the internet because a lot of it is extremely toxic but I once saw a gymbro meme that was like “befriending the local trans guy so I can steal his testosterone” and I think that’s hilarious and a great plot idea for a movie. Deeply unhappy bigoted red pill meathead gym rat starts trying to befriend a trans man to steal his testosterone and ends up genuinely clicking with him and going on a journey of self discovery that either ends in the protag realizing he’s gay and in love with his friend or transitioning to a woman.

[youareamiracle]

[youareamiracle]

Art by Vadim Koval

[youareamiracle]

Precious treasure!

[youareamiracle]

Undersea Sleepover

[youareamiracle]

swimmy

[youareamiracle]

Precious treasure!

[youareamiracle]

Romanticism-inspired fantasy.

Joining inprnt’s print sale through the weekend 💜

[youareamiracle]

Two stunning winners ✨️

[youareamiracle]

kids deserve so much more respect and it turns out that saying that is a great way to locate the horrible people in any community <3

[youareamiracle]

Bothersome beast, comforting friend