yourdisappointmentappointment - Tumblr blog

[yourdisappointmentappointment]

This is where I am long-form sad on the Internet now.

[yourdisappointmentappointment]

What is it like to not bleed out of your vagina at least a little bit every single day?

I’ve been on my period for nearly 15 weeks and I have forgotten. I have also forgotten what energy and not having period cramps feel like. And I’ve bled so much off and on the first couple months of the year.

I’ve been to my regular doctor and a more specialized gyno about it. I’ve been on a dose to a dose and a half of Provera to try to stop the bleeding since mid-July. I’ve been medically fingered 8 times by 6 different people since March, feeling for growths. I’ve had the alien dildo ultrasound and it showed that my uterus and endometrium are “unremarkable.” I’ve had bloodwork done that showed a new comorbid endocrine issue, but provided no answers.

I’ve received good care from excellent doctors and nurses. But at a certain point, they all kind of shrug and realize my situation is a little out of their depth or they no longer have the certifications/permissions to do the surgery type that I would best be suited for.

But I think I’m finally getting close to the finish line. I have a surgical consult on Friday with a female pelvis specialist, I guess. He does ob/gyn stuff and urology stuff, but I think it’s only urology for women. The last gyno said that I am “a perfect candidate” for a robotic hysterectomy, which is honestly a thing I have wanted since I first found out about periods when I was 8.

If all goes well, I’ll be ditching my uterus, both tubes, my cervix, and my bastard of a left ovary that hurts literally all the time/has the history of cysts. The right one can stay because it has been polite enough to not have massive cyst ruptured and I’m not looking for menopause at 33.

I am so frustrated with how much my body has held me hostage this year. I struggle to call myself sick, but every nurse who has asked why I am here today has gasped and said, “Oh no!” when I’ve told them how long I’ve been bleeding. I’m in need of an MMR booster, but my GP says I’m too run down to risk a live virus vaccine right now.

I know this a random update given that I’ve used this Tumblr like three times in the past four years. But it’s 4:30 in the morning, everyone else is asleep, and I realized that the way that I largely just further sort of dropped out of life and kept fairly quiet about things has just made things start to bubble over in me.

Anyway, I’m going to start a Substack soon. It’ll be called Adequate Sustenance and it’ll be free until I’m well enough to really get back into cooking and baking enough to do detailed recipes and process photos a few times a month. Then it’ll be a few bucks. It was originally going to be all food, but this year has really made me reconsider the concept of sustenance. It’ll be food and grief and dumb jokes and spooky stuff and also the full story of how my endocrine system just took a fucking nose dive this year. I’ll link here when it’s up in case there’s anyone here still reading.

Okay, bye. LYLAS or whatevs.

[yourdisappointmentappointment]

Hi tumblr,

In the last 14 months, I had two friend die. I went back to Japan. Saw The Lawrence Arms 5 whole times. My grandma died. My depression and anxiety got real bad. I got a new tattoo. I got laid off from my job. Rob and I celebrated 10 years as a couple and got real into bowling. I underwent psych testing to see if I have ADHD (the results were essentially, “maybe, but let’s see if working on this anxiety, depression, and lifetime of trauma helps first”).

Then COVID sorta exploded in the US.

I mostly insomnia post on Twitter these days (disapptappt if yr interested) and am thinking about starting a newsletter since that seems to be how people are longer form sad on the internet now.

[yourdisappointmentappointment]

Guess who starts a job January 2nd.

It’s me!

I’ll be the operations associate for a small IT support/technology maintenance company that is owned and operated by women and has Pac-Man decals on the windows. I’m gonna make like $10k more than I’ve ever made in my whole stupid life and am so excited.

[yourdisappointmentappointment]

Hi, Rob and I have launched a line of spice rubs and seasonings on my Etsy. Buy some of them so that I may buy groceries, whiskey, AND Christmas presents.

[yourdisappointmentappointment]

It’s the two year anniversary of my mother’s death and the job I interviewed for last week said they still had interviews this week, but they’d let me know by the end of this week.

It’s Friday at 1:30. Just put me out of my fucking misery already.

[yourdisappointmentappointment]

I FINALLY have a job interview tomorrow.

And I am NERVOUS.

I like the commute, the tasks, and the advertised perks, but the pay is not super great. It’s a buck less an hour than my last job, but is full time so would be at least 6 grand more a year. I’ll take it if they offer it, but I would like to not need a side hustle to be on the real path to financial stability I was aiming for this year.

[yourdisappointmentappointment]

What up, meat pie?

[yourdisappointmentappointment]

Hi Tumblr

I’m still unemployed and haven’t gotten a single interview and am very bummed that I’m going to have to stop being so picky about what I apply for.

Also, Rob and I made a beautiful, delicious beef and ale pie that is what fall/winter food dreams are made of.

[yourdisappointmentappointment]

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[yourdisappointmentappointment]

1944 - Snowball the cat tries to take over a machine gun in Normandy so she can shoot some Nazis herself. Good luck to you, Snowball! [video]

[yourdisappointmentappointment]

# a constant mood

[yourdisappointmentappointment]

Joffrey is the king.

[yourdisappointmentappointment]

John Mulaney, a true ADHD icon

[yourdisappointmentappointment]

writing cred: @davidf7

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[yourdisappointmentappointment]

MEJ on the SHRAMP carousel is maybe the best thing I’ve ever seen.

Feeling like a naughty bench at SDCC.

[yourdisappointmentappointment]

I read an entire book today.