yourhxppygirl

[yourhxppygirl]

TEXT: BILLY

Riley: Happy birthday, Billy. :)

[yourhxppygirl]

If you had to pick three people in Cherry Grove to kiss who would they be?

Like… on the mouth kiss? Oh no. No, no. I don’t think there’s any- and no one would want to kiss me! So. No. That’s okay.

If it was family kisses though, like on the cheek, then Fionn, Patricia and Mr Vlad! And I’d blow one to Riley.

[yourhxppygirl]

Billy and I went ice skating at Rockefeller today and I can’t stop thinking about the guy that I saw fall. He went down really hard.

[yourhxppygirl]

What's the best thing about Cherry Grove so far?

Billy, Fionn and Joy. That’s about it.

[yourhxppygirl]

.daydreambxliever:

Joy had never intended to tell anyone about the reason she and Fionn had stopped talking nearly five years ago, instead choosing to lock the memory away deep, deep in the depths of her memory. Daily when she saw her brother, she pushed the guilt from that time down. She’d never explained herself to him; one day after months of silence, she’d felt she could no longer live like that - abruptly leaving a room when Fionn entered, giving non-commital one word answers to anything he said - and had mentally drawn a truce in her head. She point blank ignored the bad memory, acted as though their weeks of estrangement had never happened and sat down to breakfast with a fake cheery smile that had gradually melted into a genuine one the longer they had chatted. She knew she’d probably given Fionn emotional whiplash, but she appreciated that, as unhealthy as it was, he’d never brought it up even now, years later. 

Now, however, the story was on the tip of her tongue. It seemed to be deceiving her into thinking that if she shared it now, spoke it aloud for the first time, it would stop bothering her. As though if she let it out into the world, it would leave her head and take away what felt like the constant headache she was left with from the effort of repressing the thought of it. 

She wasn’t sure Riley was the right person to share it with, however. She knew her cousin had a lot on her own plate, stories the rest of their family generally kept her in the dark about although she didn’t entirely understand why. Just because she preferred to walk through life with a positive outlook didn’t mean she couldn’t understand other people’s sadness, no matter how deep it ran. She coped relatively well with Fionn’s ups and downs and now Archie’s bad moods, but for some reason it was assumed she couldn’t cope with any more. 

But regardless, Riley had done one thing no one else had, not Fi or Patricia or even her parents - she’d asked.

And even more, Joy wanted to tell her. She wanted to be rid of the whole situation and if speaking it out loud would do that, then fine. She was tired.

She took a deep shuddering breath to try get her tears under control, gearing up for the conversation they were about to have. She raised her head from her knees, fixing her gaze on the wall ahead of her. She didn’t actually see it, however, her vision blurred over as she focused instead of what she was about to say. 

“The thing the blog said… about me, um, ignoring Fionn? I’m-I’m not. Now, I mean. But I did before. When I was fifteen.” She swiped roughly at her eyes and forced her voice steadier. “There was this guy. And I liked him. I really, really liked him Riley. But, um, you know what Fi is like…” Despite herself, a tiny smile tugged the corner of her mouth up at the memory of her brother and his panic when she came home high on the rush of her first crush. “He was warning me not to jump in headfirst but I just figured he was worrying over nothing like always so I ignored him and…” 

The smile disappeared. “The day after I s-slept with him, I went up to him at school - he was with all his senior friends in the corridor - and… he didn’t even know my name.” She shook her head, face crumpling. “Fi was right and I totally screwed up and I just… couldn’t face him anymore.”

Still sat frozen on the floor, Riley waited patiently for Joy to say something. She wouldn’t push her cousin for answers as it was clear that her outburst was involuntary and, if Riley hadn’t pressed on the subject as much as she had, Joy probably wouldn’t have uttered a word about the truth behind the upsetting blog post. It seemed like the blonde was gearing up to say something though and so Riley gave her the time to turn her thoughts over and find the right words, all the while thinking that there was nothing Joy could do that ever be classed as being all that bad. Like it had been noted before, she was the good kid of the family.

She heard Joy inhale a shaky breath and looked up, figuring she was about to get told some sort of secret, the gravitas of which shouldn’t be taken for granted. A part of Riley wondered if Fionn knew what Joy was about to tell her, but something told her he didn’t. She didn’t think that anyone knew and the fact that Joy was entrusting Riley of all people with the responsibility of her secret was both humbling and daunting. Riley had always wanted to be close with her cousin after all and she was happy that Joy seemed to trust her enough to be a confidant, but she also felt a little overwhelmed when she realised that what Joy was about to tell her would need to be met with support, and Riley had never been the greatest at giving that.

“A guy?” she mused quietly. She couldn’t remember hearing about Joy getting a boyfriend and was pretty sure it hadn’t popped up on her Facebook newsfeed so she could give it an obligatory ‘like’. But then again, Joy and Riley’s relationship had gaps of its own, built by distance and Riley’s dwindling efforts to keep in contact with the people who meant the most to her.

As Joy continued with her story, the missing pieces began to slot into place and Riley felt her shoulders drop sadly when she realised exactly what Joy was telling her. She looked at her younger cousin, who was only her junior by a year, but she had never looked so small and vulnerable to Riley and that frightened the older girl. Someone had made her feel this way which meant even Joy Lear’s happiness wasn’t indestructible.

“Joy, I…” she trailed off, blinking rapidly. She knew this was the part where she was supposed to do the comforting thing and begin reassuring Joy, but with Riley being Riley, she didn’t know where to start.

Instead, she let out a soft sigh and cast her gaze down to her lap where she fidgeted with the sleeves of her hoody and occasionally snuck glances back up at Joy. Even when it came to something as simple as baking cupcakes or learning the words to ‘Hungry Eyes’, Joy put 110% into everything. She didn’t do things by halves and each task she undertook was met with unbridled enthusiasm. Riley had no doubts about Joy approaching a crush with this same innocent eagerness. She’d probably thought about this boy all the time, treated him with the upmost kindness and poured her heart and soul into her relationship with him.

And then he’d done that to her.

“You really think you screwed up because that guy was an asshole?” Riley frowned. “Joy, come on, no one likes anyone telling us not to do something our heart’s set on. You can’t blame yourself for seeing good in someone.”

She wasn’t entirely sure where her mini speech of sorts had even come from, but she figured it had something to do with the small ball of rage flaring up in her stomach. For some reason, that anger made her reach out, her hands not shaking for once, and clasp Joy’s hand in her own. She squeezed lightly.

“He fucked up, not you,” she said firmly.

[yourhxppygirl]

.knowwhereyouare:

Yeah that blog is a big exception, and almost no one likes it. That gossip blog is the bane of everyone’s existence. But I like to think I’m a nice guy. It’s to meet you, Riley from Minnesota. 

Why does no one try and shut it down? I’m tired of people bullying my family. You seem like a nice guy though, which is a relief.

[yourhxppygirl]

.knowwhereyouare:

People here are nice though, so I don’t doubt that you will get to know tons of people soon. And hey, I’m Jim. You know me now, so that’s one person down.

Yeah, he was a dick.

No offense, but it doesn’t seem like everyone is all that nice. Since getting here all I’ve seen is people insulting my cousins on that gossip blog thing. But you seem nice, I guess. I’m Riley.

[yourhxppygirl]

.knowwhereyouare:

You’re new here? Ah, I’m sure you’ll meet loads of friends here soon! Cherry Grove, and New York for that matter, is filled with great people. There’s just the few let down’s here and there.

You’re way nicer. That guy didn’t even say sorry…

It’s really different from Minnesota so far. Everyone in Cherry Grove seems to know everyone else so I stick out like a sore thumb. I only really know my cousins so far and I’m not sure that counts.

It doesn’t sound like it’s difficult to be nicer than him.

[yourhxppygirl]

.knowwhereyouare:

New York’s a great place to be fair, it’s just that sometimes people suck. Pretty sure it’s everywhere, Cherry Grove included. But thanks, you’re already way nicer than the guy that pushed me…

Not a lot of people sucked back home. I actually had a ton of friends. 

I’d hope I was nicer than that guy... 

[yourhxppygirl]

.knowwhereyouare:

Probably not, it’s just that it’s reputation causes it to be sad much faster.

I see. I can’t say I’m really warming up to the place. Sorry you got pushed off your board though, that’s really sucky.

[yourhxppygirl]

.knowwhereyouare:

Today I got pushed into a fountain by some asshole as I went past on my skateboard… ah, New York. Truly the kindest people.

Is being an asshole exclusively a New York thing then?

[yourhxppygirl]

.daydreambxliever:

Joy let out a laugh at the candy bar Riley produced, but due to her throat being clogged with unshed tears it came out as more of a strangled sob despite her best intentions to convince both her cousin and herself that she wasn’t upset. She had many fond memories of introducing Riley to ‘proper’ chocolate when she came over for holidays in Ireland, and then having to ship said chocolate as often as she could afford so her older cousin could appreciate it all year round. Cookies and creme was the only flavour they agreed was acceptable, even though it didn’t hold a candle to Oreo Dairy Milk, which was lucky because chocolate options was one the very few qualms Joy had about them moving to America.

She busied herself with the chocolate and the DVD, pottering around the living room without really doing anything. Mostly, she was trying to buy herself time to cool her emotions, bringing them down from the flighty heights of panicked sadness back to her neutral base of sunshine-y happiness. She heard Riley settle down on the old, squashy sofa their parents had left them as she carefully slid the massive bar of Hershey’s onto the coffee table. Squatting in front of the DVD player, she tried to see the tiny buttons on the machine through the blur of her sore eyes and took a deep breath that raised and dropped her shoulders with its force.

“I’m fine!” She chirped, although the repetition of the phrase was beginning to grate on her and it came out a little sharp even as she tried to infuse it with her usual cheer.

Deciding that looking for the remote would give her more procrastination time, she pushed herself back up to her feet and began pacing the length of the tiny room, ducking under the table and lifting the chair cushions to try locate it. She kept her back to Riley as her cousin continued trying to reassure her but every word was like a stab to her gut. She knew Riley meant well, but what she didn’t know, what nobody knew, had been playing on her mind since the gossip blog posted it’s horribly accurate theory. Just because it wasn’t true this time, didn’t mean it wasn’t something she had done. Because there had been a time when she’d avoided Fionn with an almost obsessive level of evasion. 

Finally spotting the remote by the sofa, but unsure if her face was under control enough for Riley to see it and discontinue her suspicions, she hovered for a second. She was being silly, she knew - the sooner she got the remote and set the film up, the sooner Riley would hush and Joy could lose herself in her favourite story, letting Baby and Johnny mambo her worries away as they always did. She reached for the remote, fingers closing around it as Riley finished up her attempt at reassuring. And something snapped.

“But I have done something wrong!” She shouted, throwing the remote down onto the sofa cushions with such force it bounced straight back off and clattered onto the floor. She stared at it, breathing heavily, before sinking where she stood, wedged between the couch and the coffee table as she pressed her face into her knees. 

There was no stopping the tears now. Pulling the sleeves of her bright yellow jumper down over her hands so she could tangle her fingers in it, the warm sunny colour mocked her as the denim of her jeans grew damp where her head rested on them. She’d not breathed a word of what happened when she was fifteen to anyone, not Augusta, not any member of her family - blood relation or otherwise - and certainly not Fionn despite the amount of times he’d watched her slip away from him with wounded eyes. She hadn’t ever intended to tell anyone, locking the memory deep in the recesses of her mind and pointedly ignoring it when something like this brought it back up. But Riley had poked and Joy had yelled at her and now she’d have to say something to explain herself.

Mouth pressed against her sweater-covered hands, her voice muffled she took a shuddering breath and attempted to talk. “Riley… I did a bad thing.”

Maybe Riley’s paranoia was making her imagine the sharpened edge in Joy’s voice when she reassured her that she was fine (again), but she pressed her lips together anyway. The last thing she wanted to do was keep on pressing at a sore spot, knowing how irritating that could be after years of her parents’ well-meaning questions grating on her own nerves. No, she wasn’t fine, but it was her job as their daughter to reassure them that she was okay, just so she could clear their faces of the worried frowns that they wore every time they looked at her.

She didn’t want Joy to feel that same way, like she was constantly being kept under watch. When Riley had come back from the hospital, arms bandaged and confidence obliterated, she’d never felt more like a goldfish in a bowl. Her parents had hovered, disguising their concerns with questions like ‘do you want to come to the cinema with us?’ or ‘you don’t want to be shut up in your room all by yourself, why don’t we rewatch some of your old hockey games to prep you for next season?’ Their kindness had been overbearing and as she blabbered away to Joy, she could feel herself emanating that same overly enthusiastic eagerness to reassure Joy that she was there for her.

Her cousin busied herself with looking for the remote so Riley made do with reaching forward and peeling the top of the chocolate wrapper off. She broke off a square for herself and gnawed anxiously on it, just for something to do. She wasn’t hungry, but if she kept eating then it meant that she didn’t have to keep talking.

Evidently, Joy was getting ratty with her as well. Her cousin whirled around and threw the remote onto the sofa. It bounced off and fell to the floor with a clatter. Stupidly, Riley wanted to lean over and check it wasn’t broken or that the batteries hadn’t fallen out and rolled under the couch. Instead, she stayed where she was, eyes fixated on a Joy who immediately crumpled into a sobbing heap on the floor. Frozen in place, all Riley could do was stare, shoulders still hunched after she’d flinched when the remote was thrown.

“J-Joy?” she called out after a rough swallow of her chocolate. Her stomach felt queasy now and she wished she hadn’t tried to eat anything. Shuffling forward a little so her bum was on the very edge of the sofa, she strained to hear Joy’s words; words which made her frown in confusion.

“What do you mean?” she asked. How could Joy ever do something bad? Joy was the good influence in the family. Riley, Fionn and Billy had never been bad kids, but they’d never been Joy, the one the rest of the family admired and wanted everyone else to be more like because she exuded happiness instead of a nervous disposition. Joy didn’t lock herself in bathrooms and hurt herself or get herself shut up in a hospital ward. Joy was the happy one, the carefree one, or at least that’s what Riley had been led to believe.

Riley held back from reaching out to touch Joy; one, because she didn’t want to force affection on her cousin and two, it had never been her style to physically reach out and comfort someone. Instead, she slid down onto the floor next to her, her knee brushing Joy’s.

“Um… what did you do? It can’t be… I’m sure it can’t be that bad,” she offered lamely. Twiddling the toggle of her hoody between her fingers, Riley waited, telling herself not to push even though each second that ticked by only caused her worry for Joy to grow.

[yourhxppygirl]

.daydreambxliever:

It had taken Joy half an hour to convince Fionn that really she was fine, no she wasn’t upset, yes she realised it was just a dumb blog and whoever had written in to it was clearly just bitter and twisted and trying to cause trouble. Lassie had spent the last fifteen minutes of this conversation by the door, pining to go out which meant she really must have been desperate for a walk; normally if Joy was sad, their dog remained rooted to her side for hugs and reassuring licks until she was positive her human was back to her upbeat self. This did, however, help Joy’s case since Fionn trusted their pup more than he did most humans, so if Lassie decreed that Joy was okay, he was inclined to believe her.

Archie was out doing… whatever Archie did when he went out, so as soon as she heard Lassie scramble down the stairs, Joy went straight to the bathroom, locked the door and cried till she was exhausted. Locking the door might have seemed silly since she was the only one in the apartment, but it made her feel like she was locking the version of herself that felt like this into the tiny room that was cluttered with a sink, toilet and shower leaving just enough floor space for her to curl up in. Once she left the bathroom, sad!Joy was being left in there too and normal, happy Joy would resume her everyday life with the horrible emotions she didn’t want to deal with pushed far, far out of her mind.

The worst part of the whole gossip blog ordeal was that she worried deep down the mean anon was probably right. Joy loved Fionn more than anything in this life, but she had found herself spending more and more time at the diner recently and less at their home. On the surface, she’d really just been trying to give Patricia a hand by keeping an eye on Charlie, plus Mr Vlad and Katherine would help her with her coursework on their breaks, which meant she hung around there when it wasn’t her shift. But just because she wanted to see all those people didn’t mean she was purposefully trying not to see Fi, did it?

Half asleep on the bathroom floor, feeling empty with her head throbbing from crying, Joy heard the knock on the front door and squeezed her eyes shut. She wished she could make whoever it was go away, but if they were knocking it meant they didn’t have access to the apartment; Fi or Archie might have left their key or a neighbour might need a hand and she would feel terrible if she ignored the knocking only to later learn it was one of those scenarios she’d put off just because she was feeling miserable.

Clambering up, stiff from being curled up - she was small, but their bathroom was tiny - she splashed some water on her face to try get rid of the evidence of her tears before making her way into the hall. She shut the bathroom door firmly behind her, mentally locking away all her sadness as it clicked into its frame, then went to the front door. Luckily, it didn’t take long to cross from one part of the apartment to another, so whoever was at the door hadn’t had to wait too long even as Joy had lethargically pulled herself together.

Fixing her usual wide smile on her face and hoping it didn’t look as fake as it felt, Joy unbolted the door (Fionn insisted they keep it on the chain at all times) to reveal her cousin looking more than a little bit awkward hovering in their doorway. Still, she felt a flash of warmth that Riley had come to check on her.

“Hi!” She chirped brightly, taking the DVD that was thrust stiffly her way. An unexpected rush of emotion hit her as she took in the familiar font of the Dirty Dancing logo; it was no secret that it was one of her favourite films, but she didn’t think she and Riley had watched it together since they were kids on holiday. She took a deep breath as she felt her chin wobble a little - she hated this kind of emotion more than anything. If she was sad, at least she could throw herself into it and ride every intense wave of unhappiness it offered; this middle ground where she felt happy but on the verge of tears threw her off entirely. 

Already not quite over her previous crying session, no matter how determinedly she tried to lock it away, and bewildered by the feeling of being touched but upset at the same time, her eyes began to well up so that Baby and Johnny’s swan lift blurred in front of her. “Thanks.” She said quietly. “We actually, uh-” She cleared her throat when her voice caught and tried again, her Irish accent coming out thicker than normal as she focused on shutting down her weird emotions, a trait shared by the Lear siblings to both of their dismay. “We lost our copy a few years ago. I think mum and dad took it t’ Florida by accident.”

She looked up at Riley and gave her a watery smile. “I’m fine.” She lied, hugging the film protectively to her chest. She took a deep breath that shuddered a little in her chest, eyes darting upwards to try stop herself from crying again. “Um, but do ye want to come in an’ watch it anyways?”

Riley could see right away that Joy had been crying, which threw her off guard completely. She knew the comments online would have upset her cousin, but she was treading in unknown territory already. A tearful Joy would only leave her floundering even more. After all, Joy had always been the bounciest and perkiest cousin. Fionn and Riley had been a little more subdued, and even Billy, although always on hand with a pun at the ready, had sobered a little in recent years, especially after Julian’s death. Riley supposed the family looked to Joy for some sort of reassurance that the world wasn’t all that bad. She was their little beacon of light in their otherwise gloomy lives, and Riley was now starting to realise that the idea she held of an ever-happy Joy Lear had perhaps been a bit of an unfair expectation to pin on the other girl.

“Oh, well then. Have at it,” she smiled when Joy pointed out that her own copy of the movie was missing. At least Riley had done something right for once.

At Joy’s offer, she hesitated, taking in the way Joy’s smile seemed frozen in place on her face. Riley was well versed in fake smiles and could spot one a while off, even if being overly perceptive wasn’t something she usually prided herself on. Pausing for a minute, she eventually nodded.

“Yeah, okay,” she said. “Only if I’m not intruding or anything.”

She presented Joy with the giant Hershey’s bar, even though she knew that it didn’t hold a candle to the chocolate she and her cousins had eaten when holidaying in Ireland. Riley had been exposed to Dairy Milk and Galaxy which had helped her realise that a plain ol’ Hershey’s wasn’t necessarily something to be sought out. But she’d managed to find the one flavour both she and Joy had agreed was acceptable and now offered it to her cousin.

“It’s cookies and crème,” she pointed out with the tiniest of genuine smiles this time. “I wouldn’t have gotten any other kind.”

She had her doubts that she and Joy would sit down and watch the movie and fall back into the same camaraderie as they did when they were younger and happier. A lot had changed since then. Fionn had been injured, Jules had passed away and left Billy devastated, and Riley had retreated further into herself. There was even something off about Joy these days, some sort of imperceptible shift in her dynamic with Riley, and the brunette couldn’t pinpoint when it had all started but at some point the two girls had stopped calling each other every other day to catch up. It was only their mutual residence in Cherry Grove that had brought them together again, and even still, things seemed strained and awkward. Riley didn’t know if that had anything to do with what the gossip blog said about Joy though and wasn’t sure if she should broach the topic or not.

Toeing off her sneakers and following Joy into the living room, Riley sat cross-legged on the coach and looked up at her cousin. Sitting down was the only way Joy would ever be taller than her, and it was comical role reversal.

“Joy… are you sure you’re okay?” she asked, wincing a little as if unsure whether or not she should be pushing the subject. “I just… I knew that you’d take what that blog said to heart. You know they’re only looking for reasons to upset you because you haven’t actually done anything wrong, right? It’s this… weird mentality they have, I guess.”

[yourhxppygirl]

Sadness went hand in hand with Riley Andersen these days, but it wasn’t something she was very apt at dealing with. When Riley was sad and that sadness stretched to an extreme level, it usually meant a locked bathroom door and bad habits she’d sworn not to burden anyone else with. She was hardly the first person someone sought out when they were sad either though. Back home, her closest friends had been the hockey team who’d had their fair share of teary episodes and bad break ups, but the remedy was usually to throw darts at a picture of the source of their heartache, not cuddling up on the sofa with a rom-com and cheap chocolate. But Riley had an inkling that that’s maybe what Joy needed to cheer her up.

She’d spent a good fifteen minutes perusing the romance aisle of the DVD rental store, before it finally dawned on her what movie she needed. Her mind flashed back to vacations in Ireland when the Lear and Andersen clans joined together to traipse through the Irish countryside before heading back to a camper van at night so Joy could sing along to Dirty Dancing and Riley could prove to Fionn that her relentless hockey sessions meant she could lift him over her head like Johnny lifted Baby. A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth when she recalled the way she had lifted Fionn up, arms shaking, before the two collapsed into a giggling heap on the floor.

Aided by Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze, Riley made her way over to Fionn and Joy’s apartment, a massive bar of Hershey’s tucked under her arm for good measure. Maybe she was sticking her nose in where it didn’t belong but familial duty had prompted her to fish out spare change from her wallet and head to the store as soon as she’d seen Joy get upset over the submissions on the gossip blog. She’d be a hypocrite if she claimed it was easy to let anonymously posted words wash over you without letting them hurt you, but she had hoped that Joy’s relentless optimism would help her do just that. But then she realised her cousin was genuinely upset and guilt would have eaten away at her if she hadn’t done something. Plus, she was having a good day so she pushed herself out the front door and decided to focus on someone else’s needs. Joy always helped everyone else after all, someone should pay her the same courtesy.

She knocked on the door and waited patiently for someone to open up. She was pretty sure Fionn was out with Lassie as the familiar sound of puppy paws scrabbling at the other side of the door was palpably absent, and she only hoped that meant Joy would answer and not Archie. An awkward encounter with Fi’s jailbird best friend wasn’t something Riley was prepared for today, so she was relieved when Joy opened the door, even if her heart did drop a little when she saw the red-rimmed eyes of the normally upbeat blonde.

“Hey,” she said softly, giving her cousin a sympathetic smile. Protocol would be to reach out and hug Joy, but Riley felt a familiar tidal wave of anxiety washing over her, leaving her stiff and unmoving. Hastily, she held the DVD out to Joy, keeping her distance. God, what was wrong with her? Joy was family.

“Um… here. I figured you could use cheering up or something. After the whole gossip blog thing. I went to the DVD rental place and I know this is one of your favourite movies, which… probably means you have it already.” She realised her error with a twisted mouth. “God, sorry. I have chocolate too though. I know it won’t fix anything but I didn’t want you to be on your own. I knew that stuff would upset you.”

[yourhxppygirl]

If Joy loves her brother so much, why does she spend all her time at the diner avoiding him?

(via cherrygrcvegossip)

But it’s so mean?

(via daydreambxliever)

People suck. I’m sorry.

[yourhxppygirl]

If Joy loves her brother so much, why does she spend all her time at the diner avoiding him?

(via cherrygrcvegossip)

But why are they saying that?

(via daydreambxliever)

They know it’s what’s gonna upset you most.

[yourhxppygirl]

If Joy loves her brother so much, why does she spend all her time at the diner avoiding him?

(via cherrygrcvegossip)

I don’t- I’m not- I help there?

(via daydreambxliever)

Don’t listen to them, Joy. 

It’s called having a job, anon. They’re a lot better use of your time than trying to stir up drama on the internet.