yrieyru-blog

[yrieyru-blog]

alright gotta stop with this, i don't even feel that bad, i just want to stop feeling like everything is wrong about me

i was 14 and i was walking through a mall by myself at 12am after my shift at coldstone creamery lol and a bunch of men started whistling and meowing and getting really close to me and they kept asking me questions and i kept not answering until i didn’t know what else to do so i said “i’m only 14” and almost in unison they said “we don’t care” i was so fucking scared i didn’t know what to do and they kept talking about how i looked and how my body looked and what they would do i was on the verge of tears i was all alone in a huge mall i knew i couldn’t outrun them all i felt totally hopeless until a maintenance worker came up to all of us with a huge industrial broom in her hand, i thought she was going to yell at all of us for being in the mall after hours bc she probably thought we were all friends but instead she cursed all of them out in spanish, threatened to press a panic button on her belt and then proceeded to walk me to the basement garage and waited with me until my mom got there to pick me up she had a death grip on her cart the whole time and a face of steel she looked so strong and i just kept saying thank you and she kept saying not to thank her because she had to stop them.

that was the moment i realized women were the most important beings on this planet and we have to protect each other bc nobody else is going to, she didn’t even know me, we couldn’t even communicate that well because of the language barrier, she could have lost her job for waiting with me in the parking lot but she looked out for me when she didn’t have to, she had nothing to gain from it, i’m 21 now and i tell everyone this story even though it happened 7 years ago, what she did that night helped me form and shape lot of my beliefs early on. 

[yrieyru-blog]

Oh btw, i ended up liking the idea of having a knife collection! Hehehe, AND I HAVE A MAUSER C96 REPLICA! TOLD YA I'D GET IT, i'm aiming for buying a claymore replica or smth later on! Gotta get a job first...

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all you ever wanted was a safe place to be yourself, not exactly reciprocal love or anything like that. I wonder if you managed to get that? Welp, not like i can ask ya. I feel like such an old man... getting a near death experience and not being able to tell anyone was quite traumatic for me

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HAHAHAH i forgot we liked the same fucking animes, i feel sooooo nostalgic

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tbh i do miss your drawings. heh, you never ended up teaching me how to draw, i think you would've been the only patient enough person to teach me

2 many fire in the irons in the fire to rly do anything for good ol home shuck so,, a lil jadey

[yrieyru-blog]

right normally these vent accounts are for saying things you can't tell others hmm

Well, first things first, i genuinely hope all the people i've loved are doing well. I know of like uhhh, 2. I know i got traumatized and like tons of people keep telling me "hey it wasn't your fault" or "heck you're almost just a victim" but... i wasn't the one who gave ya'll your place, or actually committed to my promises and stuff. Specially to Mary tbh, like sure, she fucked me up really bad, and i forgave her like twice before breaking, and then when i finally gave up she decided to be a better person and that typical stuff, and i didn't value that. Either way, if i remember correctly, she's hella evil, she just didn't want me to see that What else? Hmm... well, if things go well, i might finally earn "freedom" soon. I've got a shot at this

[yrieyru-blog]

The pfp is so cute goddammit, i still have an obsession over umbrellas and umbrella fighting. Heck, i know how to do it IRL now! And it looks hella cool while wearing a suit!

Jumin’s Good Ending

re-imagined 

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I didn't really save you, and i'm not sure how much of what you said was real but... when you told me you woke up in the hospital from another failed suicide attempt, and you decided to keep going to "make it up to you", i felt... relieved, yet sad. Like, i wasn't there, i wasn't able to help you get away from those thoughts once again. Heck, you'd be so, so disappointed if you actually knew the horrible things i did to my so-called precious "fruits". In the end, i am nothing more than someone who happened to survive

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Hmm, i wonder if the younger me would be happy to know we did end up owning the whole novel collection?

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I was such a douchebag back then, why did people put up with me? I'm not even good-looking, and my "intelligence" comes from trauma anyways

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honestly i forgot how cringy my past is AHAHAHA i mean i understand i was going through a lot but damn was i obsessed the past feels... refreshing, somehow well, i've got to make up for my mistakes somehow should i use this thing as a way to vent? i do need to find ways to do so hmmm

[yrieyru-blog]

I can

Defeat them

I will

Defeat them

All

Fruits

I

I'm sorry

I'm too weak

I

I can't

I can't do this anymore

Somebody help me

Please

I beg you

Save me

Save me

SAVE ME

PLEASE

ALL I NEED IS THERAPY

JUST TAKE ME THERE

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

HELP ME

PLEASE

[yrieyru-blog]

I wish i could sleep all day.

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You guys fock

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-You're forgetting an important aspect kid.

-Oh for fuck's sake,it's you again.

-Traumatized people are the only kind that can be "special". You're one of them.

-Uh?

-Look. Of course you remember that time you saw a dead body for the first time.

-Ah. Yes. What of it?

-Do you remember your thoughts? Your reaction?

-Yes,it was "Oh,a body." "Well,a lot of people die on a daily basis. And it doesn't seem to be a very external death or something. Seems like it was due to an internal thing. Like the brain,as an example."

-See? Isn't that...emotionless?

-And? It's not bad.

-Alright. Let's get back on trace.

-what do you want? I'm kinda busy.

-You're traumatized by daily things. Those kind of things are far worse than being traumatized by,i don't know,your parents being killed or something. The accumulation of stress over the years...repetitive pain and suffering,and always hiding your emotions...And to further it more,all the people you ever met only made things harder and worse for you. There was nobody you could ever count on. So basically...you have PTSD.

-haha i'm a 15 year old kid,what the fuck are you talking about?

-Don't you get lost in thought when thinking about parents and seeing other people? You even start losing your breath. Your thoughts wander. You can't live a normal life due to your own traumas.

-Stop it.

-See? It's affecting you right now. Wouldn't you love it if i existed?

-Shut up. You don't even have a name.

-Boohoo,you plan on pushing away your imaginary friend?

-you don't exist.

-Sorry. But i'm part of your trauma. I'm a delusion of your mind. The person you have always wanted to exist. Someone who understands the world around you. Someone who can truly help you.

-You don't exist.

-That's the issue.

-...can i keep doing my homework.

-Sure.

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-who are you

-that doesn't matter right now. Can i sit down with you?

-it's 1 am. What the fuck do you want?

-well,i don't know that myself.

-i'll just pretend you're another one of my allucinations. So,what do you want?

-how are you?

-kinda conflicted.

-i see.

-look,i don't trust social women. You look like the social type.

-there are many categories of social though. What category do you mean,exactly?

-Internet incognito AW.

-so if a girl has one or two friends it's automatically a piece of shit for you?

-...i wonder.

-why do you hate social girls?

-being social means being in touch with common people. Being in touch with common people means changing your own personality to become like theirs.

-what is a "common person"?

-someone very simillar to the majority of people.

-oh. I see. So you just have trouble dealing with people.

-if they weren't cunts maybe i wouldn't have that many issues.

-i can't really understand you.

-sometimes i just...feel like pushing everyone away. To be completely isolated from everyone.

-why?

-i don't know

-i see.

-yeah

-Look,i don't know you. You don't know me. In fact,it's very possible that i don't even exist. There is people out there that care for you.

-But i can't. I just...i can't. How can i deal with all the shit from my past? Even when things start getting better,the past just comes back to haunt me. I can't live at peace.

-well...i don't know how to help that.

-Just go away and let me sleep.

-alright.

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