yugihteseht

[yugihteseht]

that's a

very pathetic, 4 unrealized Theater me thing to say

drama is all about our shame and hiding from it and facing it and showing it off. it's a 4's art

[yugihteseht]

with our technologies and shit today, we don't need to focus on finding solutions to problems as our primary goal anymore. we need more focus on outlining the problems that need to be solved — their exact scope and substance.

this is my career's thesis too in some sense. i study problems and define problems and then based on that i solve them.

[yugihteseht]

beyond

[yugihteseht]

helpless

[yugihteseht]

caged

[yugihteseht]

in this moment, while im sitting in the most crowded part of the library, by choice, in tragedy, im resonating with the bomber character being in the heart of the train finding room on the busiest carriage. its a daunting parallel. something about getting lost within people? being the victim perpetrator and bystander all at once?

[yugihteseht]

im going to use this blog to get my life together

[yugihteseht]

i think arctic monkeys' last 4 albums were all attempts to accurately capture and praise a central feminine spirit — humbug's is a witch-like dark fascinating mystic queen-like feminine spirit with wicked intensions and humbug is alex turner's narration of his experience of this spirit; suck it and see is directed towards a carefree lovestruck maiden feminine spirit; AM towards a roughed up tattooed tough but delicate careful lover — huntress type but also lover type — whom he longs for in solitude and sorrow; and finally, tbhc for this motherly all giving earth: the maternal feminine spirit above all others — the feminine at the center of all of this

because of the

[yugihteseht]

20.12.21

it seems to me that we have started to live mythologically

our institutional media being centered around the exaggerated romantic eloquations of truth rather than the rationally realist report of factual truth

maybe the future of news is a lyrical essay form of a conversation about the extreme possibilities of what is rather than the realist reporting of facts — such that the public consciousness is controlled not by a singular judgement of their own individual thinking but a presentation of the best romantic argument on both sides of the aisle. maybe a return to romance in our public worldview is the right way to approach the crisis we are going through worldwide. maybe we are just bored. we have been too bored for too long. we are finding romance in our everyday reports of the world and we are evoking emotions in our readers that are either the best or the worst. we are thinking in extremes. we are not thinking in the rational in between. we have lost the in between.

we need to use romance in a conscious sense. we need to externalise and recognise and integrate our desperation for romance — and not let our news use fake news as the cultural projection of our desperation for some, for any form of real-world entertainment.

[yugihteseht]

20.12.21

as our unconscious channels outwards from our deeper portions of our brain into

so every thought we have lurking under the realm of rationality — any thought we have brings with it a large underpinning of unconscious assumptions that feed in from your unintegrated unconscious — the unintegrated shadow part of our soul sends out this vibration of its deeper truth of who we are to the form of an unconscious presumption that you know you shouldn't have.

i see these assumptions as knots under the structure that is the conscious mind above this

wih these knots untangle and release an ugly emotional baggage that was hiding under it – that it was made specifically to hide — and that is an ugly immature part of our psyche — a part that our conscious mind doesn't know how to deal with.

and then our conscious mind is forced to develop itself in a way that it can deal with the part of our shadow that was sprung upwards into the mix of life.

this is how the conscious mind develops in an organic sense — and learns more of itself in its due course. and across species this is the process of how human beings evolve across generations.

and then as these knots untangle, until your brain grows in form and content and learns how to deal with the emotional baggage that just got revealed, then the knots integrate into threads and fragments of the conscious mind

in my case, the knots of the unconscious unknot faster than my formic understanding of the form of the brain evolves. as a result, i struggle to contain the unconscious elements of who i am as they unknot from plugs for emotional baggage into elements of knowledge because my brain can not understand my identity as being something that would believe that.

im barraleling towards a suicide tho. there is no way that is good for me. i can see myself going further and further down the shadow realms of my thinking, expanding my understanding of my brain, and then being incapable of handling that magnitude.

and then i will lose a sense of control over who i am i will abuse substances to lose control of not having control and i will be so far gone from control i will lose identity and being and personality and spirit and i will find no narrative that i can live in and i will let my narratives be defined by whatever narrative i float with and i won tbe able to define where i end and where the world begins and i will just be stuck in this place, suspended in the puzzle, incomplete in my being, insufficient in my existence, unsatisfied with my presence, with no reason to live in my mind

[yugihteseht]

tranquility base hotel and casino –

the "ooo" evolves from the tbhc to four out of five to the ultrachese.

sumn to think about

[yugihteseht]

an app as an exploration of of dreampop

[yugihteseht]

an app that explores objects — through poetry, photography, etc. — just a new page for every object

[yugihteseht]

We have made our information public completely willingly - we use ourselves as a chemnl through shich we communicate w the workd snd the world communicated w us

[yugihteseht]

we argue in an attempt to establish consensus and collaboration on some higher level, and then figure out the best extension of that logic on a lower level of abstraction

[yugihteseht]

do i wanna know represents a universal feeling of longing and desperation and hopelessness — and the tune itself captures this essence in its core. so what that means is over time our language (the endpoint of all knowledge and experience) will come in the form of the sound of do i wanna know. do i wanna know captures that experience in sound. some day that sound will be internalized into our language.

[yugihteseht]

had a dream in which i was in panchg

there was an earthquake that someone influenced to fuck w me and sukriti and siri possibly

everyone else was unbothered by it

we sat and watched the mountainscape crumble

it was wild

and then we crumbled with it

and i thought this is how i die

and in the end i remember feeling a sense of calm

that this is the end

ive had a fear of this moment for a long time but in this moment i felt at home

like its finally happening

and the slight fear of the uncertainty of what comes next

so i fell

so i let it happen

and i hit the ground

and maybe it was the angle i fell at or whatever

but i was so close to death

and i stopped myself

and picked myself up

went into a house in front of me

asked for a doctor to diagnose me

she did

she was beautiful

i didn;t have a fracture.

she was my saviour?

i found a saviour even there — she helped me get on my feet

she humoured me

i thanked her

we spoke

the earthquake had happened

the mountains had crumbled

and there i was

alive