yumeharold

[yumeharold]

greedy little creature

⋆

bill dickey ノ

cw : just fluff , hamster bill, greedy/greasy little hamster bill

✦ Title: Hamster Bill

an : idk i got the idea from looking at bill eat a hamburger in the comics, he just … looked like a hamster… (this might become a series)

© dovenskin visual

Bill had been a hamster for approximately twenty-four hours, and you were already losing your mind.

He hadn’t taken to it gracefully.

No, Bill Dickey, former self-appointed president of the Eltingville Club and walking incel manifesto, had become the angriest, chubbiest puffball you’d ever seen. Still somehow managed to look smug while chewing on cardboard. Still somehow full of hatred.

He squeaked in your direction from the corner of his plastic cage, standing on his back legs like he was about to challenge you to a Yu-Gi-Oh duel.

You cooed softly, unable to help yourself. “Aww. Look at you. You’re so mad.”

You reached down to pet his fuzzy little head. Big mistake.

His tiny teeth sunk immediately into your fingertip.

“OW—motherfucker!” you yelped, stumbling back, clutching your bleeding hand to your chest. “He bit me! He actually bit me!”

Bill just sat there, beady eyes narrowed, little hamster chest heaving with rage. There were shredded tissues all over the floor of his enclosure. One of the wheels had already been broken.

You opened the cage with one hand and grabbed him with the other, ignoring his furious chirps and flailing limbs. He was round and squishy and still trying to bite you.

You squeezed him gently—just enough to assert dominance—and hissed:

“Listen, motherfucker. I could pop you open RIGHT NOW. DO NOT bite me again.”

He froze in your grip, legs dangling. You could practically hear his pride cracking under the weight of your fingers.

Later, you placed him on the couch with a stolen fast-food cheeseburger nearly the size of his entire body. He immediately launched himself face-first into it, rage-chewing like a little demon. Crumbs smeared across his fat cheeks. His tiny paws kneaded the bread like he could actually grab it. His belly had already rounded out and he hadn’t even made it halfway through.

Jerry walked in, saw the scene—Bill, plump and pissed, buried in lettuce—and blinked.

“Uh. What’s … happening?”

You didn’t even look away from the carnage.

“His greed sickens me.”

Bill squeaked angrily, mouth full of meat.

You tossed a napkin on his head like it was a crown and sighed.

“You’re lucky I like pathetic little rodents.”

He squeaked again.

You didn’t check if it was a thank-you.

—-

Bill had gorged himself into a food coma.

He was sprawled across a chewed-up napkin on your bed like a little round corpse, stomach heaving gently, crumb trails up his snout. His fur was slightly greasy from burger oils, his eyes half-lidded with exhaustion. He looked like a cursed Furby mid-reboot.

You watched him from your pillow, head propped up on your elbow.

“…You’re disgusting,” you murmured fondly.

He didn’t respond. Just let out a soft, snorting breath through his stupid twitchy nose. His cheeks puffed in and out. His belly rose like a mini beanbag on the brink of bursting.

You reached out with one finger and gently poked his side.

Bill jolted.

He gave a short, sharp hiss—yes, a hiss—before snapping upright like a sleep-deprived cryptid. Beady eyes glassy with rage. His little fists clenched like he wanted to duel you in Magic: The Gathering right now.

You recoiled, laughing.

“I didn’t know hamsters could hiss!”

He puffed up like a microwaved marshmallow, baring his weird little rice-sized teeth and vibrating with hatred.

“Oh my god, do it again.”

You poked him.

Another hiss. A squeaky, wheezing one this time—like a teapot full of resentment.

“Bill,” you snorted, “are you broken? Is that your only line of defense now?”

He lunged for your finger, missed, and fell sideways onto his back, kicking his legs like a flipped Roomba. You nearly cried laughing.

Still giggling, you poked his soft belly.

HISSSS!!

“Stop! I can’t breathe—oh my god, you sound like an angry balloon animal!”

He flopped dramatically onto his side, face buried in the napkin, making an annoyed clicking sound like some combination of “fuck you” and “I’m too full to deal with this.”

You finally gave him a break, scooping his little blob of a body into your hoodie pocket.

“There,” you said, patting his lumpy form. “Sleep it off, Rodent Dickey. I swear to god if you bite my chest in your sleep, I’m duct taping you to a Roomba tomorrow.”

From inside the pocket, he let out a groggy, muffled squeak.

You just smirked.

“Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

—

You eventually took pity on the gremlin.

After stuffing himself with half a burger, throwing a tantrum over the napkin being "too scratchy," and hissing at you like a demonic guinea pig, Bill finally passed out again—this time face-first in your hoodie pocket, little back legs dangling out like a half-flushed turd.

You sighed.

"God, you're exhausting."

Carefully, you reached in and scooped him out—he twitched slightly, but didn’t wake. Just let out a sleepy little huhhnk and curled tighter into himself like a damp dinner roll.

You set to work.

An old shoebox. Two socks folded into a lumpy mattress. A square of tissue you half-heartedly fluffed up like a throw pillow. You even tucked a corner of a comic book page in there, like he needed some cursed talisman to sleep near.

Once it was done, you placed him inside gently.

He snored immediately. Loud little snorts from a too-small nose. Belly rising and falling like a bloated little balloon. His fat cheeks were still stained with ketchup.

You stared at him for a moment, elbow on the desk, chin in your hand.

“…Sigh. You’re so ugly, Bill.”

It came out more fond than it should have.

He made a soft chirp in his sleep and rolled over, kicking one stubby foot like he was trying to slap you in a dream.

You shook your head, watching his stupid fur fluff with every snore.

"Ugly little bastard," you murmured again, tucking the sock corner over his hip like a makeshift blanket. “You’re VERY lucky I have a thing for weird, mean rodents.”

From the box, Bill snored louder—like he knew you were right, and hated it.

[yumeharold]

[yumeharold]

why did bill get a bitch waist

HELP GUYS I TOLD MY DAD TO SKETCH THE ELTINGVILLE CLUB ON MY PHONE(he's a cartoonist)

[yumeharold]

i need to give gd colon the biggest kiss i can im not joking anymore i need to be in that guy right now

[yumeharold]

He would not have sexual attraction towards anime children

[yumeharold]

she doesn't even have white in her design you dumbass 👎👎👎 (that's true i was his left eye)

this is such a fucking stretch but it's MY fucking stretch

[yumeharold]

maybe

did we all just run out of things to say about Harold or

[yumeharold]

Lesharold

[yumeharold]

new pinned until i remake the charlotte ref because that thing is fucking ugly

strawpage

[yumeharold]

*baby is born*

leshawna: aww look at how cute she is

harold: *holds out yaoi and yuri paddles* choose one

i think that harold should hold a yaoi paddle in one hand and a yuri paddle in the other

[yumeharold]

Eats them all

Harold's stamps that I made a few months ago and never posted🏃🏃

[yumeharold]

[yumeharold]

hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby

Powerscaling dudebros continue to be unintentionally hilarious

[yumeharold]

i wonder if the apple was bad ...heh

Mayblade Day 2- Apple

So called free thinkers when potential garden of Eden imagery

[yumeharold]

[yumeharold]

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS OH MY GODDDDD FUCCCKKKKKKK

☆HE EATS PUSSY LIKE A VACUUM

Iiruma x FEM reader

Cunnilingus, he's basically a sub, not proof read.

(He needs more recognition he's so cute / relatable)

.

.

You just started working at a new company, you've made a couple friends but there's one person that keeps catching your eye even if others might consider him "dull". It all started when both of you were working overtime and he brought back some onigiri for both of you, everything was normal until you caught a glimpse of him eating and it left you shocked, why did he look so cute yet erotic while eating!!?? You rubbed your eyes thinking your imaging things from being tired but fortunately you were wrong, seeing this made you see him in a whole different light.

After a long work day you were hungry so you decided to go to the local bar, coincidentally you bumped into Iiruma and it looked like he was alone so you decided to say hello (and maybe get to eat with him).

" Ah hello Iiruma-san may I join you? " Even though he was very much into what he was eating he still looked up at you and mumbled out a shy yes, deciding not to converse you just sat and watched him enjoy his meal while ordering some beer for yourself. Before long it already became late and it was time to go home, you offered to walk with him to the station, while walking together you immersed in small talk and while talking you realized Iiruma was really shy and constantly blushing around you (it was hardly noticeable on his dead panned face but you were able to catch it) once you guys reached the station he realized the last train for him had already left.

Seizing this opportunity you instantly offered for him to stay at your place for the night so he wasn't out so late, eventually he said yes making you inwardly cheer. When you reached your apartment you told him to shower first and offered your biggest t-shirt and sweatpants to him, after he came out you went and showered.

After showering you came out and saw him on the couch, wanting to tease him a little you sit right next to him very close. "So Iiruma-san is there anyone you're interested in at the office?"

"Ab no not really" he said nervously but him reacting this way made you want to teaser him more, poking his shoulder you ask if him of he's really telling the truth, blushing he starts to shyly admit that he kinda does have interest in you and would love to go out and eat with you. Hearing him admit this made you falter and you can feel your face start dto heat up and you stupidly you stuttered out "If y-you really want to show how much you like me then do it" you guide his hand to your breast, you slip out a moan when you messaged it gently.

You fall back on the couch dragging him down with you, you can see how much he's blushing while hovering over you "Since you like eating so much you should try and eat me" you said while smirking, he seems to get what you're hinting at so he slowly goes down and shakily pulls down your pants, he sticks his tongue out and licks at your clothed pussy. He draws down your pretty panties with his teeth, he gives your cunt small kitten likes making you whimper, taking this as a good sign he starts sucking on your clit making you even louder "A-ah ngh ah, ah k-keep going your doing good" you said moaning trying to keep quiet you put a hand over your mouth, while sucking in your clit he inserts one finger slowly pumping it in and out. "NGH?! Ah mm" you moaned out into your hands at the sudden intrusion, he pulls away from you clit with your juices on his lip, hesitantly he licks his lip and suddenly goes still suddenly dives back down and starts eating you out harder, removing his fingers he inserts his tongue inside you tasting and licking your walls basically making out with your cunt, he starts whimpering sending vibrations making you moan out even hard. At this point you can feel yourself about to cum, your hands reach his hair and gripped it with some force pushing yourself more on his tongue, you soon reached your climax Cumming all over his face, it looked liked straight out of some porno.

He pulls away and uses his finger to gather your juices and licks it, you didn't stop him because it looked like he was enjoying him self a lot sporting the same erotic expression he makes when he eats something tasty.

[yumeharold]

hes so dreamy.... *Sigh*

he's so bronycore