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[yurabe]

"eh..." yura manages a half hearted shrug as she toys with the straw in her cup, nicky's tone enough to indicate disappointment that made her avoid her friend's gaze. "it's not that it's just...." she trails off, then sighs. "it didn't feel right. in a weird way."

they know each other well enough that there's no use in deflecting, in yura telling nicky nothing but the truth. but what truth was there if she couldn't even pin it down herself? "it made my skin crawl, nicky." she admits, finally meeting his gaze. "i got there and i made it through and i said 'look at me! a washed up wannabe that has too much of an attitude and yet hasn't really practiced in years." the words come out in a jumble as yura tries to pace herself, the confession spilling out now that the floodgates are open. "i couldn't do it. the environment the people the.. everything. it was just like all those stupid auditions our moms used to drag us to as kids but worse.

"i choked. and i'm such a failure."

she sighs exasperatedly and lets her head fall into her hands, the shame of admitting that she panicked falling down on her like a ton of bricks.

tough love.

@yurabe

"so you just gave up?" nicky frowns at the girl across from him. it had been his idea to meet for coffee, a rare instance where he initiates contact and actually tries to be a good friend. he knows yura is tougher than she looks, so he cannot for the life of him figure out just what would make her drop out of a competition show she was actually doing decently well on. "you've got more on-screen experience than the other contestants combined and you really just said... 'nah, i'm good, i'd rather be a loser'?"

his fingers drum against the paper cup, too irritated to sit still. of course nicky wouldn't invite an old friend out just for a friendly chat, to catch up. no, he always needs more purpose than that. this time, it just happened to be that he felt that yura needed a wake up call. he could never understand laziness, squandering one's own potential at the expense of their own dreams. just what had possessed her?

maybe she decided that singing and dancing wasn't actually for her, that the idea of being an idol just wasn't worth it once she got an up close look at that universe. nicky could understand that, maybe. but even then, she should have just turned down the callback and made room for someone who actually wanted to be there. it's selfish, it's irresponsible, and nicky just can't put himself in those shoes.

"what happened to the han yura i knew?" he challenges her, a frown across his lips. "come on."

[yurabe]

there's a certain degree of hands-off that yura endured as a child, suck it up, be a grownup, if you get hurt, don't cry. it was a sort of lifestyle that led to dangerous decisions, challenges to see how much she could hurt herself before someone gave in.

yet ever since she's been far away from mother's controlling grasp and strict rules dressed up in the form of a gilded cage, sometimes all it feels like she does is act like a child, and do a lot of crying. sometimes she catches herself though, and wonders whether it's genuine feelings in the present, or still some of that darling past trauma breaking through the very locked up tight beneath plenty of mental layers seeping through. and hearing about hangyeol for the first time after this incident nearly broke the dam that holds everything back.

she's a little better than she used to be at schooling her emotions, though they still end up clear as day when she really hopes they're not, she has to be strong, for hangyeol, for yejun, for herself- if anything to still prove that she can be.

she fills out the visitor log in delicate, slightly shaky letters, plastering her name down next to at least a dozen others as she's inquiring about hangyeol and being pointed in the direction of his room. one nurse walks ahead of her, to ask if he's up to any visitors, and yura can almost make out hangyeol's familiarly teasing tone as the nurse tells him she's here to see him.

judging by the coy smile that she shares with yura as she exits, and the comment of 'it's so good that he has your support during his recovery,' she can't help but imagine the fun kind of trouble he's roping her into now.

"oh, oppa! you wouldn't believe how worried and scared i've been for you!" she exclaims, a little too loudly but just in the sort of dramatic fashion that's easily recognized from the cheesiest of dramas they've binged before. "i'm never going to leave your side again! i'm your lucky charm, remember? nothing bad will happen as long as we're together!" her mock concern threatens to break as she holds back her own laughter, carefully setting her personal bag and the bag of comfort food she brought with her on an extra chair.

this just in--

@yurabe // dated jan. 2, 2024

cw: hangyeol is in the hospital because of dv

he knows the room is the way it is because it has to be sterile, and healthy, and safe. the hospital staff are perfectly nice, his nurses friendly and caring. sometimes he catches something in their sympathetic glances, sometimes it's pity, sometimes it's judgment. he knows what they think of his lifestyle, knows they think he refused to contact his family because he has something to hide, knows they think there is something in his brain that is broken. but they are still compassionate, still gentle, still diligent in making sure he fully recovers from the consequences of his own actions.

and they're good at what they do. the plaster cast on his right forearm (black, because it matches everything) was perfectly applied, and his regular doses of pain treatment keep the fracture at a dull ache. the bruises around his neck are healing in their natural rainbow of yellows and greens, his trachea feeling a little less swollen with every sleep. it still hurts to swallow, and the only solid food he's allowed is rice, just in case, but somehow it all feels worth it. amazing how a near-death experience feels like a small price to pay for the way freedom feels on his skin.

"hangyeol-ssi," his nurse enters his partitioned cubicle with that kind, well-trained smile, and a small bow, "you have a visitor."

"another one?" he grins back, despite the uncharacteristic rasp still present in his voice, "i didn't realize i was so popular."

"a han yura? she's very pretty."

"mm," he nods, reaching for the bottle of apple juice she hands him, diligent hands making sure he has no trouble accessing the straw already stuck through the lid for him, "she's my girlfriend. i'm a lucky man, right?"

this nurse hasn't shown any hints of judgment since he's arrived, is the one he is most comfortable joking with about the side of himself that is so controversial to some. she smiles, knowingly, makes a note on his chart, and tells him she'll send his 'girlfriend' in shortly.

"what are you doing here, hon'?" he coos playfully, when he glimpses yura, "get back to work. oppa will be just fine."

[yurabe]

yura has always had a problem taking 'no' for an answer - giving it, not so much. on the eve of officially receiving a rejection notice from her latest audition, there's a bit of a switch that flicks, and yura finds herself (more) than a little offended that she wasn't even given feedback from the audition - despite having relatively no clue how entertainment companies in this country operate outside of what she's been assigned to research for potential stories.

and in classic yura fashion, she changes her mind about auditioning with yejun and hangyeol and joins them, dutifully filling out the form with skilled flourishes and pretty signatures that she's practiced since she could write, and eyeing everyone as potential competition, categorizing them by level of threat as phase two of the auditions for next generation befall them, and they're waiting to be grouped for showcasing.

it's a lot like the auditions she used to attend, the crowding, the slightly anxious atmosphere filled with varying degrees of professionalism and skill, and the mish-mash of perfumes, aftershaves, and colognes alike, leading to an amalgam of disorientation- and unironically, putting yura's headspace right back into the days she considered these things fun.

so when it's her turn to showcase 60 seconds of talent and she notices a distinct lack of female rappers, she's able to pivot somewhat quickly, dropping a few bars from the latest popular kpop boy group (because girls can do it too, and better), with a cocky, confident smile and a hair flip to boot. she may be a little rusty, but where there's rust, there's a shine underneath, and yura is more than wiling to dust off her skills just to prove a point to a company that couldn't have cared less to call her back.

the questions come easily, and they're really not all too unlike what she's experienced before, though in recent years she's been the one asking them instead.

What can you bring to the table that we won’t see in any other contestant?

"good, home-grown, genuine talent." she responds cheekily, with a side glance at hangyeol and yejun, who are probably realizing all over again what a competitive monster yura can be. "i'm not soft, and i come to win, and to achieve what i set my mind to. always."

What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up this morning?

"what shoes to wear," yura answers with ease, as it's the truth. "and whether it would match my jacket." as if to prove her point, yura steps back a few steps, showing off the combination that she settled on, the gentle pops of color in her sneakers a near perfect match to the color of the light jacket she elected to continue wearing throughout this whole process.

Which company would you want to receive an offer from and why?

without missing a beat, she blurts, almost challenging, "delta studio. why? because they didn't cast me once, and i want them to know it was a mistake." yura grins, tilting her head in a way that almost seems devilishly playful, as if she knows it's a rather tongue-in-cheek comment to make, and she does.

and for her special talent, never being one to be outdone and constantly overprepared, yura quickly retrieves her old twirling batons from her backpack, gesturing for her fellow auditioners to scoot back just a bit, because 'i'm about to heat things up," which, in hindsight, is probably more frightening than endearing, as yura chose to light the ends of her batons as she twirled them, effortlessly throwing them with just the right amount of force so that they flew gracefully in the low-ceiling studio room, rather than catching the whole place on fire. it's only a quick few seconds, some artful kicks and twists that she hasnt done in quite a while, but it's just the kind of plucky personality pick that yura knows will make sure she's not easily forgotten or ignored.

[yurabe]

the scare with hangyeol was just that- scary. it's reminded yura just how fallible everything is- how the tenacity of life and each experience is so easily questionable and ever-changing. as different as she and yejun are though, they've both responded similarly, constantly checking, asking, lingering over and around hangyeol as if he might break for breathing just a little bit wrong. for yura, it's her love language- acts of service and quality time, and that she has nothing better to do than to watch over one of her closest friends for a little while. for yejun, yura can't help but wonder if it's a little more, or if he's that much better of a friend than she is, as some days it seems like he's practically moved in to hangyeol's apartment, avoiding any other responsibility or acknowledgement of such.

"well, if either of you weren't, i would at least hope i was one of the first on the call list," she jokes, hands cupping around her own cup of coffee as she studies yejun, noting the exaggerated dark circles quickly forming under his eyes too. she half smiles, reaching a hand out to cover yejun's own for a moment, sympathetically. "just remember that you have to take care of you too. ok? you know if you need anything i'm equally here for you."

morning coffee.

@yurabe

it's probably not healthy how quickly yejun felt responsible for hangyeol's entire wellbeing. it's almost certainly not healthy how being away from him for more than twenty minutes makes him feel anxious, like something will happen in his absence that he could have prevented by being there. yejun knows that he shouldn't feel guilt for what happened; none of it was his fault and there way no way he could have known what would happen. still, he can't help but think what if? what if i had done more? what if i had been there?

that line of thought does no one any good, though. and while yejun can't necessarily control what he feels he can control what he does. which is why he agreed to meet yura for coffee not far from hangyeol's apartment, a place yejun has called home while helping his friend recover. it's good for him to get out; when he's not battling anxiety over his friend, he's fighting off the constant lethargy that has him seriously considering dropping out of school and becoming the family disappointment again. god, the holidays were a nightmare. and lunar new year is here as well, ready to torment him with more family time he wishes he had a better reason to skip.

"still alive," he assures yura, placing a hot brew in front of his seat before sitting down. "so is hangyeol. we're doing alright. each of us, i mean. separately." god, he overclarifies to the point that it sounds more suspicious. he still has the sense to feel shame, to be a bit embarrassed by how much he thinks of the other man. he doesn't try to lie to himself, let alone to yura, but speaking the words aloud would make it all too real.

[yurabe]

filming herself, being on camera, it’s really nothing new— however, readily and willingly submitting an audition tape to an entertainment company? the yura of days and years past would likely have a heart attack.

it’s a concept she hasn’t touched on for a very long time; and perhaps it’s the whole psychology of ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ that has her itching to do something daring- the notion that finds yura in the ‘living room’ of her studio apartment, furniture pushed against the wall, singing wholly to Janelle monae’s make me feel to an audience of one- her camera, as if her life depended on it.

(did it? Or had all the years of mental trickery truly turn her into an attention-craving fiend like she feared? well- that’s another problem for another day.)

yura knows good and well the top companies in the country- it was hard not to when music was so enmeshed in the way of life here, so naturally, when delta makes an announcement that they’re casting only girls (way to be a little sexist, if she were being honest), the temptation is a little too strong to resist.

and with more ease then she’d like to admit, for the first time in years, yura finds herself falling into old habits, acting for the camera, fluidity a little lacking thanks to being out of practice, but comfortable and passionate. the thought occurs to her for a minute, really more fleetingly than anything, of what her mother would think, how smug the matriarch would be, but she’s sure to, as her therapist wouldn’t recommend, push those away and shove them down deep before she can second guess herself ever again. she’s doing this for herself, and herself only. just to know she can

her finger hovers over the send button for only a fraction of a second before she thinks ‘eh, what the hell,’ and clicks.

[yurabe]

KISS OF LIFE : 'Born to be XX' Trailer

[yurabe]

hiiii everyone!! a super belated post from me here (thank you back to back flu and work!) but i'm so excited to introduce miss yura to wannabe! she's a fiesty, nosy individual that is both the best and worst friend you could have! i actually just completed an fc change because her original face didn't settle quite right for the muse, so with that done, and with christmas and new years coming up, i'm really looking forward to exploring this muse!

some quick stats:

she grew up in the states, but has been in seoul for several years at this point

currently works as a features writer at one of the many popular fashion magazines and a barista!

grew up being pushed as a child star, there's a chance if your muse grew up in the states too they saw her in some ads and small roles in the mid 2000s-early 2010s -- but it's more likely that they have read several articles she self published about her experience growing up in a cult!

yura is a hound for the truth and absolutely will not accept anything she thinks is a lie which means.. she will also consistently tell the truth to your muse even if it's not great.. but she'll usually try to soften the blow

for a long time, she avoided anything entertainment industry related, but in the past ~3 years, she's relearned her own love for singing, and has actually joined a local theatre company and been participating in musicals as often as she can be cast.

which leads into the fact that she's kind of a wild child at heart- she lives life fearlessly and chases new experiences fervently, and would be the friend that goes cliff diving with you on a random tuesday afternoon.

if any of this sounds like a kind of person your muse would be friends with, hit me up! i'll be slowly responding to your lovely welcome messages as i can as well ♡