zeestarfishalien

[zeestarfishalien]

hmm

dragonflies. haunting implications:

[zeestarfishalien]

apparently my boss who is a professor at my school doesn’t have a cell phone and his coworkers were upset by this so they bought him a childs toy phone and labeled it “David’s jitterbug” (for those of you that don’t know jitterbugs are phones made for old people that have like massive buttons and shit) so the other day I walked into his office to ask him a question and he pressed a button on it which made it start loudly playing the ABCs and he said “excuse me I have to take this” and then started singing along to the ABCs while shooing me out of his office

[zeestarfishalien]

sometimes i say things on twitter and then make a little graph about it

[zeestarfishalien]

ranking the best things I have heard surgeons say mid-surgery:

1. "Five second rule!" while scrubbed, after dropping a sterile scalpel on the floor (no they did NOT pick it up again but I swear everyone's buttholes puckered)

2. (spoken during the closing of a particularly long and difficult case) "Nurse - my tunes." :heavy metal starts blasting:

3. Gently to a fretful patient, pre-anaesthesia: "It's going to be okay. I promise, I've dealt with worse." As soon as the patient is unconscious: "This is literally the worst thing I've ever seen."

4. [okay this one was a med student] "Wowwww, that's so gross!!" Reg: "Please remember that [patient] is awake for this procedure." Student to patient: "Oh my god. I am so sorry, that was really unprofessional - " Patient, cheerfully, also engrossed with what's happening inside them on the screen: "Nah - it's, like, super gross, right?"

5. [another procedure where the patient couldn't be put under GA] Patient: *starts singing country roads midway through the procedure* Surgeon: *shrugs and joins in with surprisingly good harmony*

[zeestarfishalien]

jkasjdkasjksajfdasfdsafd goodbye

[zeestarfishalien]

Hey imagine having a garden separated from the street by a high wall, and then building a ramp to your garden with a cat door at human head level, both at just the right height so your dog can peer outside without bothering anyone.

This way, the dog can safely observe the world outside and judge everyone without any risk of someone getting out or in. And why would you want the cat flap on human head level? Simple. Anubis mural.

[zeestarfishalien]

DPxDC Welcoming Party

[ <- part 1 ]

Standing out in the street, in front of the Gotham City Hall, in suit, even if it's not broad daylight — the sun has set two hours ago, they are firmly in late evening territory — feels awfully uncomfortable. As Red Robin, he is used to clinging to the shadows and walls. As Tim, he prefers it that way as well.

Alas, he is on the meeting the delegates duty by the rule of elimination: Bruce has a reputation, Dick is an impulsive comedian, Jason is a crime lord, Cass is having a nonverbal day, Steph is... Steph, Duke is a daylight hero, and Damian is rude by design.

In other words, his family straight up threw him under the bus.

This whole thing is ridiculous if anyone asks Tim. Vigilantes playing a welcoming party for dead royalty. Not even because of the whole deal with publicity but because their family is quite literally responsible for making a lot of people cross the border from alive to dead, and them welcoming a Prince of the Infinite Realms feels like a bad joke.

Tim's wrist computer buzzes — the alarm went off, which means the delegation will be here any minute — and, right on cue, the air just a dozen or so feet away flickers in green sparks.

A car, sleek black and almost absurdly normal, appears out of thin air, slowly making its way to Tim. To the City Hall entrance, actually, which coincidentally includes Tim. And five dozen reporters with cameras, but that's irrelevant right now. At least they've stopped taking pictures of him by this point.

The car stops, and the back door slides open — which it shouldn't be able to do, judging by the model, but who's Tim to judge afterlife transport. He hears a few clicks of the cameras going off.

Inside the car, it's pitch black, like the door opened straight into a cosmic void. Tim takes a short breath, steeling himself and getting ready to face absolutely anything. He's heard more than enough stories about the Realms from Constantine when B invited him as a consultant.

The first thing he sees is white fur- no, white hair, short and fluffy, strands floating in the air and slightly glowing. Then, there's a foot in a white combat boot stepping out on the pavement, a pale hand with sharp black nails — or, maybe, claws — gripping the side of the door for balance. Tim offers a hand mostly out of polite habit, distantly relieved the Prince is humanoid.

He nearly flinches when they take it, skin so cold that Tim feels it through his glove, but their touch almost gentle.

And then, the Prince steps out of the car completely.

Tim blinks.

His mind is registering disjointed parts of their appearance: black jeans, a silver rapier on their hip, an unzipped white leather jacket that looks too much like what Jason wears, pointy ears pierced in several places.

Pale blue, shimmering freckles that look like constellations on their face.

But that's all irrelevant because the Prince is not wearing a mask, not covering his face, and Tim knows that face. It's a face he's seen just this morning before he left for classes.

Daniel Nightingale, his Gotham U roommate, is looking at him with wide, toxic green eyes.

"T-" He starts, voice barely above a whisper, but stops himself short when he feels Tim squeezing his hand all of a sudden. He has no idea how Danny recognized him- actually, it probably has something to do with him being the Prince of the goddamn afterlife, but Tim has already suffered enough unpleasant things today. He is decidedly not adding an identity breach in front of dozens of reporters to it.

"Welcome to Gotham, Your Highness," he smiles, looking Danny straight in the eyes.

The boy smiles back, perfectly polite, "Thank you."

But Tim can see how he briefly, awkwardly rolls his shoulders.

Somehow, he thinks the peace talks are going to go great.

[zeestarfishalien]

DPxDC Welcoming Party

In all the time Bruce knows James Gorgon, the man had asked him for a favor exactly three times.

The first one was back when he wasn't even Batman yet, and Jim wasn't a Commissioner. He asked Bruce to stay out of trouble and promised to find the man who killed his parents in return.

The second time was years later, when Jim found out who was under the Batgirl's mask and asked Bruce to keep his daughter safe.

Both of those things Bruce hadn't done. With Barbara, he tried and failed; with trouble, he hadn't even considered keeping his word.

Now, he is standing on the roof of GCPD building, the light of the BatSignal outlining Jim's tired figure, smoke slowly rising up from the man's cigarette. He wonders if this time, he'd be able to give Gordon whatever he called him here for without the bitter taste of disappointment in his mouth.

"You're aware of the Realms' delegates arriving this week," Jim starts. It's not even a question: the whole wide world is aware of peace talks between the UN and the afterlife dimension. Bruce nods anyway.

"Can't imagine why they've chosen Gotham out of all places," Jim takes the last drag and flicks the cigarette down — Bruce knows he'll pick it up later, it's only a gesture of frustration. He also knows why the Infinite Realms decided on this city: the crime rate here is the highest in the country, if not the world, which means there's a lot of ambient ectoplasm, afterlife energy, here. For the denizens of the Underworld, it must be comfortable.

He waits, watching Jim collect his thoughts.

"Listen, I know this will not be the most appropriate thing to ask from you and your team, but would you mind running security for them?" Gordon is not looking him in the eye, saying it all in one breath, and Bruce feels his eyebrows shoot up without his control. Good thing his cowl hides it.

"Publically," Jim puts the last nail in the coffin of Bruce's dignity.

The reasonable — the only — answer he can realistically give is 'no'. He can't. They are not glorified heroes or public personas, they are not even considered real by a third of this city's population, not to mention the world at large.

But Jim Gordon never asks him for favors, and the peace talks are important enough to break some rules. Like the concept of 'diplomatic relationship with the afterlife' is already breaking a few rules, anyway.

Bruce tilts his head forward just slightly.

"I'll discuss it with the others," he says. It's not a 'yes' because he actually does need to discuss it with his kids, although he doubts they'd refuse.

But Gordon looks relieved.

[ part 2 -> ]

[zeestarfishalien]

Several fake sugars bother my body

what "no sugar added" should mean: the natural sugars of the other ingredients like fruit are the only source of sweetness in this product

what is actually means: we added a fuckton of artificial sweeteners

[zeestarfishalien]

Since poor Danny had to suffer the most under my still developing abilities to draw people, I decided to redo him. So I could do him justice. So, here we have it: Danny aka Phantom, High Chief of the Infinite Lands.

And just so we could have all of them gathered: The main family of Clan Phoenix, Head of the Army Dantrey, Head Wanderer Dajelle and High Chief Phantom:

[zeestarfishalien]

when Damian has his hair down he also has middle part..he once ran out of gel and all everyone saw was an angry little Tim walking around the manor threatening people with death by his sword if they spoke about his hair..Tim found it adorable and took a picture to keep reminding himself that everyone in the family wasn't actually that different..

[zeestarfishalien]

5 times the batfam uses Dick's name to persecute Bruce

"Dick is ready - "

"Not unless you've taken Viagra, old man"

-

"Dick is up-"

"Do not be disgusting Father."

-

"I need Dick for this."

"I'll call Clark but TMI Bruce."

-

"Dick - "

"Language, Master Bruce."

-

It's been weeks since Bruce last said Nightwing's name out loud, and they are all here to punish him for it.

"I'll remind you all we are in a public space," he says in warning, before sighing heavily. His considers his words and grimaces, but there is no way out. Gordon also appears to be holding back his delight. "Dick will not be available for dinner, Commissioner."

Swanning past, his eldest (who had clearly lied about an emergency in Blüdhaven) remarks, "The catering staff finalised the menu weeks ago, too late to change it B."

He is going to disown them all.

-

Thank you @grannyhitsuzen!

[zeestarfishalien]

"Y"

Sorry I'm delusional.

A panel I made but didn't really fit much: Dud

[zeestarfishalien]

Dud panel

Og post

[zeestarfishalien]

Danny: Omg! It's you! I'm a huge fan of your work!

Kiteman: What? Really?

Danny: Yeah! Do you know how cool it is to meet someone who flies and rarely attacks civilians? I broke the Riddler's knee caps in your honor! Can I have your autograph?

Kiteman: Of course! Would you like a picture, too?

Danny: WOULD I!?

Bruce watching from a rooftop: Everyone move in on Kiteman once he finishes the meet and greet with his fan.

Damian: Why wait? He's completely distracted. This be the optimal time to take Kiteman down.

Bruce: I am not ruining this moment for him.

Damian: Why?

Bruce: The man's main weapon is a tribute to his dead son that Riddler killed. A kite. The last person to be as excited for his kites was said, son.

Damian: .....We shall wait.

Tim on com: Why wait when we have a perfect-

Damian: YOU LEAVE THAT MAN ALONE DRAKE LET HIM ENJOY THIS.

Duke: Are we just going to move on from the guy who said he broke the Riddler's knee caps?

Bruce: The question mark bitch had it coming.

[zeestarfishalien]

i don’t think there’s anything funnier than saying “god forbid women do anything” in response to women doing the most objectively horrifying actions possible.

[zeestarfishalien]

Brucie Wayne comes out with his own cosmetic line.

When asked about it during an interview he responds, “Why let the girls have all the fun?” before winking at the camera, kissing some reporter on the cheek, and disappearing while the camera pans to the bright red lipstick mark.

His kids do the bulk of the promoting, sending out packages to people on youtube and tiktok and instagram. Tim has them all try out a few looks on their social medias. There are a few “collabs” that Bruce is grateful he doesn’t have to appear in.

The fan favorite of the promos is a youtube video called My Siblings Do My Makeup, which is just Tim subjecting himself to the chaos. Steph and Dick’s looks are as always, unfairly good. Jason goes for a drag look and Tim is happy to complete the makeover when Steph lends him an appropriate dress. Cass and Duke do well but they go for straightforward and not overly complicated. The video ends with Damian’s look, everyone sitting stunned. He hadn’t gone for the obvious troll they’d been expecting. In fact, Tim thought it might be his favorite look of the video. When pressed, all Damian would say on the subject is, “I have seen my Mother prepare for far more dignified outings than the galas you subject me to.”

It’s an absolute hit. Especially in Gotham, where people have frequent encounters with rogues that love leaving their victims with “reminders” that aren’t easy concealed. There are reddit pages dedicated to people suggesting the brand for covering up scars and other noticeable markings.

There is even a video, shaky and badly lit, of Nightwing shouting at Two Face during a rooftop pursuit asking if he’s tried out the sample he sent him. The video ends abruptly with some shouted curses punctuated with gunfire. The following morning, from a burner twitter account, was a single image of someone in a red helmet holding Harvey Dent for the camera, both sides of his face looking like he did just before the accident, although far angrier.